Last week, I blogged about getting over a broken heart. The response, both to my radio show and blog, have been pretty amazing. It seems like to have a relationship at all, especially a dating relationship, puts you at great risk to be hurt or rejected by a person you care about very much. Anything worth while has its risks. Not to take risks robs us of the fullness of life. As you have no doubt heard I agree with the old saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Not to love is to make our lives empty, cold, and in deep need. That being said, it still hurts a lot when someone you love rejects you. Let's face it, to love is to be hurt one time or another. We are imperfect people who have relationships with other flawed humans. Hurt and unmet dreams are inevitable.
I’m into horses. I love to ride and train them. But if you ride long enough, you will get bucked off. There’s an old saying that goes, “A rider ain’t never really rode unless he’s been throwed.” This is true in our relationships as well. To love is to be "throwed". So what do you do when someone you love suddently rejects you? Last week on my blog, I listed 15 things you can do to help get over a broken heart. This week, I want to comment on some of those things. So here goes.
Be careful...don’t date destructive people.
Some people want to experience love so badly they end up getting involved with all the wrong people.
I talk a lot about this on my blogs about love addiction. These people have no real idea who the person is they think they are in love with. They end up dating crazy people. Some relationships are simply not worth the drama and the pain. People who get involved in these relationships are begging for heartbreak and a messy break-up. A friend of mine said something to me a while back I will never forget: “If you date crazy people, you’ll have crazy break-ups.” You can save a lot of pain if you commit to only dating people who are stable and have their act together. Relationships are challenging enough. Why shed needless tears by getting involved with dysfunctional people.
If you date crazy people, you have crazy break-ups.
A girl called my show the other night who had a 4.0 grade point average, but was dating a very destructive guy. I told her, “You have a great head, but a stupid heart. Think with your head.” I should have said, “You have a great head, but a foolish heart.” Remember, if you date crazy people, you will have crazy break-ups no matter how smart you may think you are. So save yourself needless hours of heartache and tears. Don’t date crazy people.“Girls really need to realize and pay more attention to the guys they date. It’s not all about a pretty face!...that’s where [so many girls at my school] went wrong in the first place” (rissa)
Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.
- One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult and touch raw emotions. This proves we are human. It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit awhile back called “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don't, that pain will come reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way. “No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn't last and you end up worse off than you were before.” (Jonathan)
Immediately take your broken heart to God.
There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing
could be further from the truth. Here’s why. You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what. It says in the Old Testament of the Bible, “I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you. “It is very important to go to God after you've had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart.” (Osman)
…all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what.
Next week I want to blog on the next 3 ways we can heal a broken heart. They are…
- Take heart, you won’t die.
- Don’t overreact and embarrass yourself.
- Talk to someone who cares.
If you have any comments about these 3 ways, please leave them below.
01-10-2008 12:00 AM