Thanks for coming back to my blog. I’m really pleased with the direction we are going and with the questions you are asking me. After all, the more you understand yourself and the opposite sex, the better chance you have of discovering and keeping a great relationship. Why do some males and females have such a difficult time communicating with and relating to each other? I hear that question over and over. These are the kinds of questions I am exploring throughout this series of blogs where I’m answering your top 50 questions about the opposite sex. I love hearing what’s on your mind and giving you a chance to get some answers to issues that have been bothering you—perhaps for quite some time! Here are your questions for this week…
Question #9) Stephen asked: "Why does my girlfriend get so jealous when I talk to other girls?" and Kayla asked: "Why does my boyfriend get jealous when I’m just talking to other guys?"
Most times, jealousy is an emotional reaction based on selfishness, fear, and insecurity.
DAWSON: Jealousy is the kind of emotional disease that strikes both sexes. Even though it’s a horribly negative behavior, it is unfortunately, very common. Most times, jealousy is an emotional reaction based on selfishness, fear, and insecurity. A jealous person imagines their bf/gf could leave at any time, and the thought of that scares them to death and can leave them almost emotionally irrational. Additionally, jealously can reveal a lack of trust someone has in you and your relationship with him or her. Sometimes they’re just making it all up in their head. But at other times, you might be overstepping your boundaries of what’s appropriate with someone of the opposite sex who you’re not dating. Either way, jealousy is toxic poison to a relationship. A relationship infected with jealousy will soon sour and self-destruct. Remember, it’s your choice to feel jealous.
A jealous relationship must be worked through or it will create chaos.
On the other hand, you can do your part to not give your bf/gf reasons to feel jealous. If someone else is flirting with you, you can still be polite, but you don’t have to flirt back. You don’t have to make special efforts to impress other people of the opposite sex. But if your bf/gf does react jealously to something you do, decide to address it soon after it happens. It’s always good to seek clarity when something comes up that’s a threat to your relationship. And most importantly, make sure your bf/gf knows how much they mean to you. Give them reason to trust you when you’re alone. Then when you’re around other people, they won’t need to worry if they can trust you or not. Just remember, a jealous relationship must be worked through or it will create chaos in the relationship with your bf/gf.
Question #10) Chelsea asked: "How can you tell if a guy is really falling in love with me, or if he is just using me? After my last relationship, I've had serious trust issues and I can't seem to tell if my boyfriend of two months is actually falling for me, or if he is just telling me what I want to hear."
Loving relationships are not destructive, manipulative, or selfish, and can lead to a true and lasting commitment.
DAWSON: I can imagine many people wonder this same thing: How do I know this other person is actually in love with me, or if they’re just playing with my emotions to get what they want? I cannot tell you whether or not your new boyfriend is falling in love with you or not (by the way, people don’t fall in love, they fall in ditches). People find the right chemistry between each other and then grow into a committed love relationship. But I can tell you whether you have a loving relationship. Loving relationships are not destructive, manipulative, or selfish, and can lead to a true and lasting commitment.
Here are some questions worth asking about your new boyfriend:
- Do you feel like your emotions are being played with?
- Does he say one thing and do another?
- Does he say he loves you, and then doesn’t act like it? (Many people will rush into saying “I love you” before they even know who the other person is. People do this because they want to hear they are loved themselves.)
- Does he want to spend meaningful time with you?
- Does he treat you with respect?
- Does he speak well of you to other people?
- Does he give you freedom or try to control you?
- Does he respect and want to protect your body? (A heavy sexual relationship seldom lasts. It cannot bear the pressure of intimacy without love and commitment.)
The minute you add sex into a relationship, you make it very difficult to know how the other person feels about you.
One way to find out exactly what he’s thinking is to not only listen to what he says, but watch what he does. I’d also recommend, and I’m guessing this is the case in your relationship, is to try to go for a period of time without any sexual contact with him and see how he treats you. The minute you add sex (or even kissing) into a relationship, you make it very difficult to know how the other person feels about you. Trust me, if he really does love you, you wouldn’t have any question about it.
We’re going to continue taking your great questions. Guys: I need to hear from you too! Let me know something that you’ve always wanted to know about the opposite sex and I’ll do my best to give you an answer. Thanks for being a very important part of this blog.