Thank you for sending me the most burning questions you have about the opposite sex. I’ve enjoyed spending the past several weeks answering them.
There was a movie out recently about relationships (based on a popular book) called “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I didn’t see it, but the bottom line of the story is that men are not complicated and they don’t ever send mixed messages. If he doesn't ask you out, call you soon after a date, or want to spend more time with you after a date, then he's just not that into you.
Tell her you’re flattered and you appreciate her kindness toward you.
Even though they are simple words, they are still harsh for a woman to hear. But the good part is the words can also be very freeing. She is then free to move on to another guy, and not waste her time with someone who’s not into her. Is there a better way for a guy to handle this situation?
The first question I’d like to address comes from a guy who asked to remain anonymous, and it completely relates to this recent movie.
But don’t tell her you want to be friends with her if you really don’t.
QUESTION #15) He asked, “How does a guy politely say he is not attracted to a girl? She may be nice, well grounded spiritually, and a great future wife, but when there is no physical attraction, how should that be communicated to the girl?”
DAWSON: Most guys will just brush the girl off, and ignore her, neglecting any kind of future contact with her. This is a pretty sad treatment of women, I admit. So I applaud you, Anonymous, for your willingness to buck the system and treat women with respect and admiration. So how do you do it?
Here are a few pointers:
- Keep it simple. Don’t make a big deal about it—you’ll only make her feel uncomfortable.
- Sometimes the best way is to be as honest as possible. But instead of just dropping the bomb on her, you can tell her you’re flattered and you appreciate her kindness toward you. And then just say you’re not as attracted to her as you’d like to be toward someone you’d like to date.
- If you want to be friends with her and nothing more intimate, tell her. But don’t tell her you want to be friends with her if you really don’t. Don’t lead her on.
- If the girl hasn’t come right out and asked you if you’re attracted to her, there might not be any reason to confront the situation. Just be yourself and be kind to her, like you would be to anyone else.
Guys hate to make themselves vulnerable to a girl, and then get shot down.
Always remember to address a situation like this apart from other people. Don’t make a scene and embarrass the other person. Treat her like you’d like to be treated yourself. The fact you are concerned about addressing this in a polite and respectful way means you’re already off to great start.
QUESTION #16) Chrissie asked: Why do guys act weird around you when they like you?
DAWSON: It is true most guys act “weird,” or get nervous, around girls they like. Charlie agreed: “Stammering and making jokes are common. Trust me, there are few guys who really have deep feelings for a girl that can approach the situation totally calm.” But why do they do this?
It’s easier to know what the girl is thinking when he sees how she responds to his flirting.
Guys hate rejection. They hate to make themselves vulnerable to a girl, and then get shot down. This nervousness, or “acting weird” comes from this place of not knowing exactly how to balance their fear and their excitement, so the guy gets a bit wobbly and tongue-tied.
This is the reason guys will flirt with girls. They will drop hints here and there to see how the girl will react. This way, it’s easier to know what the girl is thinking when he sees how she responds to his flirting.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog about “Finding Out How She Feels About You” – and several women have written asking if there will be a “Finding Out How He Feels About You” blog. Well, there already was and it goes well to further answer this question. I hope that helps.
Please, take a second right now and let me know what makes you scratch your head when you think about the opposite sex. Send me your most puzzling questions and I’ll make an honest attempt at answering them. I appreciate hearing what’s going on in your mind.