96. When You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough For Someone


We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about of the opposite sex our hero, or even our god.

I am absolutely amazed as to the number of questions you have about the opposite sex. Let’s face it, relationships and romance and the emotions that come with it, is really important. It can affect the rest of our lives for good or for bad. I hope you find yourself getting answers to some of the problems keeping you from experiencing the positive effects of having great relationships. It’s always encouraging for me to read your thank yous in the comment section about how these blogs are helping you. Remember, I’m in your corner. Here are this week’s questions... 

QUESTION #29) Amelia asked: "I've been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he's great, but I just feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm 19, he's 21, and he's perfect, but I always feel like I'm being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I'm just not good for him. He says that's not true, but I can't get past feeling that he's too good for me. It's starting to affect our relationship, how do I get over this?"  

DAWSON: I think there are a couple of issues going on here. First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn’t. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about of the opposite sex our hero, or even our god. It’s great to respect your bf/gf, but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on the relationship. 

Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.

But the bigger issue is you not feeling “good enough” for him. No matter what he tells you, you just won’t believe you bring as much to the relationship as he does. What would make you feel “good enough” for him? Whatever it is, you still would not be able to meet those standards. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you’re not aware of them right now. 

It’s important for you to accept the love your boyfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don’t feel worthy. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there’s a good chance he’s going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on just your weaknesses, and only his strengths. Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy. 

So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving him. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves. 

QUESTION #30) Braden asked: "Is it normal for a girl to break-up for no reason? If so, why?"  

Most people don’t do things like breaking-up with someone for no reason at all.

DAWSON: The short answer to your question is no. Most people don’t do things like breaking-up with someone for no reason at all. Most girls don’t say, “Oh, it’s Tuesday, I think I’ll break up with my boyfriend today.” It’s usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking-up with you. 

Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it’s because there’s someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. In many cases, you will never know the real reason. She’s probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself, or protect you from getting mad or hurt. 

We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.

Still, sometimes the “not knowing why” is more difficult than the actual break-up. I’d encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you’ll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person. There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don’t let this girl’s lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date. 

Your questions about the opposite sex continue to amaze me. Please keep sending them my way. I want to help you get to the root of some of the issues you’re dealing with in your guy/girl relationships. No matter what you’re going through, please remember there’s always hope.

 

 

 


Posted 05-01-2009 3:00 AM by Dawson

Comments

Jody Christianson wrote re: When You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough For Someone
on 05-29-2010 9:29 AM |

It is not the person in question, that, we are not good enough for, but rather, our concepts of what we beleive is not good enough for us. Every judgment call is based on our own concepts, and concepts, in themselves, are nothing more than 'Symbols': Symbols, which we interpret according to our own understganding. This Truth is part of the great mystery, which Man has overlooked since the beginning of time. Consider it, and consider it well. Brother Johnny.

Confusedgirl wrote re: 96. When You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough For Someone
on 06-28-2010 11:28 PM |

I like this guy. I want to ask him out, but Im nervous  to ask him, because I don't think I'm good enough for him. I really like him.. I mean really really really like him. Hes very popular and im not so why would he want to go out with me??? I cant even make out 2 words to the guy.. My appearance is also bad too.... Hes dated alot of really pretty girls and i don't like i'm good enough.... I'm also nervous because im reeaaalllyyyy afraid of what he'll say and if he'll do anything..... In my Honest opinion i thought boys were supposed to ask girls out... It must be soooooo haarrd for them.... Can you help me!!!! I dont know if im nervous or anxious.. please just please may you help me... you say there is hope.. please give me hope.. I REEEEAAAALLLYYY like him!!!!

CD wrote re: 96. When You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough For Someone
on 07-01-2010 11:16 PM |

@ Confused Girl:

Based off your post I am going to assume you are in middle school/late high school. Note, I am not criticizing, this is just to help illustrate my point in a second. The point is, that even if you were to ask him out and he says no or whatever else he may verbalize, that does not define you. If you end up asking him out and he says no, who cares. Sure, I am not sayin it won't feel rough emotionally, but I promise you there are many guys out there you will "REALLY" like in your life, maybe even a hundred! Honestly, I wish someone had told me that when I was younger because part of finding the right person who you will love forever is the ride! Sure, sometimes it might hurt, but throughout the whole journey you get to meet new people, explore new personalities of other people, and grow as a person so enjoy it because you only get to be young once!

maddie wrote re: 96. When You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough For Someone
on 01-17-2011 8:39 PM |

i broke up with my boyfriend for "no reason". i didn't want him to know that though because it made me look really bad so i came up with a reason and that's what i told him when i ended it. afterward, the more i thought about it i realized that the reason i told him actually was the real reason i broke up with him. but it's true, it wasn't just one reason that led to the break up, there was a long list..most of them involving my insecurities with relationships because of being cheated on in the past.

Jake1234 wrote re: 96. When You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough For Someone
on 06-26-2011 11:11 PM |

Me and this girl both like each other but have not started going out, and are just really good friends right now. The main reason isn't that she believes I'm "perfect" at everything and is always comparing herself to me and then doesn't feel as good about herself. I was asking for any advice I could get on something to tell her or how to make her not feel this way. We're both just entering high school by the way if it matters. Thanks