Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. This week, I want to give you some things to do when you start to hear yourself say things like, “I hate myself,” “I’m no good,” “I’m so stupid,” or “I’m worthless.” The truth is—you are NONE of those things. But it’s easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.
So what do you do to
climb out of the dark hole in your soul?
1) Decide you want to
change - Nobody can make you love you—other than you! It’s your
responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you’ve
been thinking, and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It’s often been
said, “If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel
Cody wrote: “I’ve found that sometimes our greatest
enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And
when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are
negative, self hate is born.” It takes a real effort to turn negative
self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if
you stick with it, you soon will see you’re feeling better about yourself.
If you don’t like something about yourself that you
can actually change, start to do that
2) Figure out what
you CAN change and do it! - If you don’t like something about yourself that
you can actually change, start to do
that today. Maybe you don’t like your weight…you can start eating properly, and
getting exercise—TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You’ll
be amazed how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.
Don’t obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on
what you can change, and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the
healthy life you desire (and deserve!) – some people get trapped living
miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation.
Don’t you get stuck in that trap!
3) Build up your
self-esteem - Make a list of your 10 best qualities. Can’t think of 10? There
are more than you think. But try starting with one. For example, “I am a loyal
friend” or “I care about others,” or “I am in touch with how I feel,” or “I
have a lot to offer my friends,” or “I am a good listener,” etc. Then add to
the list. Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be
surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to
dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow. Others will take
note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.
Betsy wrote: “Since I stood up for something, people
started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can't
please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone
else to be proud of you.”
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of
yourself. Find out the things you love, try new things, go new places. Make
some short-term and long-term goals. Decide that you will never say the words:
“I Hate Myself” ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in
reality there is a lot in you worth loving.
4) Use gratitude as a
weapon against self-hatred – You will find people who dwell on the positive
things in their life, things of which they are grateful, are usually much
happier than those who don’t. Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a
person miserable to live with. So if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative
thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you’ll be
surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.
Rayven wrote: “When I start to hate myself, I
think about people that have it worse and can't change it. If I ever want to
change something about myself, I think of someone with a disease or disorder they
can't help—someone that obviously has it worse than me and then I'm grateful.”
5) Remember God loves
you – The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God’s
love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and
hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what
He wants to change, and you’ll feel much better about your life. God made you very unique. And it’s this uniqueness that
makes you special.
Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!
Angie wrote: “Its very easy to find reasons to believe I
am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even
if no one else does.”
As you start believing in yourself more, you’ll have more
good days than bad. It’s easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in
each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God – this will help
lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so
For my next blog, I’m going to write about what to do when
you’re mad at God. Have you ever been mad at God? What happened and how did you
feel? Did you find a way to get over your anger toward God? Thanks for sharing
your story with me—I look forward to hearing from you.