148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2


Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. This week, I want to give you some things to do when you start to hear yourself say things like, “I hate myself,” “I’m no good,” “I’m so stupid,” or “I’m worthless.” The truth is—you are NONE of those things. But it’s easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.


So what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?


1) Decide you want to change - Nobody can make you love you—other than you! It’s your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you’ve been thinking, and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It’s often been said, “If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better.”


Cody wrote: “I’ve found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self hate is born.” It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you’re feeling better about yourself.

 

If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.

2) Figure out what you CAN change and do it! - If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don’t like your weight…you can start eating properly, and getting exercise—TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You’ll be amazed how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.


Don’t obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change, and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) – some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don’t you get stuck in that trap!


3) Build up your self-esteem - Make a list of your 10 best qualities. Can’t think of 10? There are more than you think. But try starting with one. For example, “I am a loyal friend” or “I care about others,” or “I am in touch with how I feel,” or “I have a lot to offer my friends,” or “I am a good listener,” etc. Then add to the list. Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow. Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.


Betsy wrote: “Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can't please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.”


Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Find out the things you love, try new things, go new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals. Decide that you will never say the words: “I Hate Myself” ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.


4) Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred – You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life, things of which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don’t. Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with. So if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.


Rayven wrote: “When I start to hate myself, I think about people that have it worse and can't change it. If I ever want to change something about myself, I think of someone with a disease or disorder they can't help—someone that obviously has it worse than me and then I'm grateful.”


5) Remember God loves you – The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God’s love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you’ll feel much better about your life.  God made you very unique. And it’s this uniqueness that makes you special.

 

Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!! 

Angie wrote: “Its very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.”


As you start believing in yourself more, you’ll have more good days than bad. It’s easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God – this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!


For my next blog, I’m going to write about what to do when you’re mad at God. Have you ever been mad at God? What happened and how did you feel? Did you find a way to get over your anger toward God? Thanks for sharing your story with me—I look forward to hearing from you.

 

 


Posted 06-25-2010 12:00 AM by Dawson

Comments

Lisa wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 06-25-2010 2:38 AM |

Is there any possibility that you will write something about mental-disorders and how to deal with them? Like ways to over-come or fight against them?

Ingrid wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 06-27-2010 7:19 PM |

Its questionable. I try to find the reason for my unhappy but that can take time. Usually turn to music and my internet to work things out. I hang out with people online that have the same mental illness as me. By talking with these people online I don't I am being judge for my comments.

Josh wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 06-28-2010 7:57 AM |

Thanks Dawson, this post really helped me out. I'd been having dreams of my friends leaving me lately and I realized that self hate was the main reason. I kept dreaming that I wasn't worthy of their friendship and wasn't good enough for their time. I started using some of these tips and confronted my friends and told them about the dreams and we've cleared up a lot.

Luis crespo wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 06-28-2010 3:00 PM |

Self hate is not a good thing at all it lieads to many things one being death so if any one has self hate problems they should realy look for help I used to struggle with self hate and did alot of thing to myself and thanks to god I am here today and thanks Dawson u are a hero

bouncer wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 07-25-2010 11:02 PM |

Hating ones self, will only lead to total emotional havoc. I too once Hated myself for various "excuses" which i constantly fed to myself.

All in all, they were nothing more than just EXCUSES.

I know there are those out there who believe that they have no or, are not worthy of having Friends, this is so not true.

During my own "journey" down my dark path Though, it took quite

some work on my behalf, i realized that i have always had and will have, a TRUE friend, one who has never left my side.

I had had to realize it when i recalled a saying which my parents brought me up with...." One can be amongst millions, and remain utterly alone but, Realize you have even if only ONE true friend, and you shall never know loneliness"

God and, Jesus have never left my side. I finally realized this and though it was a slow progress, i have since overcome this self doubt i once harbored within myself.

Maybe you, yourself do hot believe that God is with you....This may be a factor but, even if this may be the case, you can always KNOW that as long as I and, those here within the hope community are around, YOU will always have True Friends and support in your corner.

God Bless you

Dawn wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 07-29-2010 10:10 AM |

What can you do to help someone who you know hates themselves? Is there anything you can say to make their self-love easier for them?

madeline wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 08-21-2010 5:44 PM |

what should i do when i hate myself for things i've done in the past? nothing wreckless or stupid or anything, but thinking about them makes me want to punch myself. how do i make that go away? because i hate thinking "i could have avoided this if i had told him no". i went out with a jerk, you see, and he cheated (no duh, right?) and he was all "but i still want to be friends." and of course i said no and deleted his contact. and i'm going to have to see him every day at school and i dont think i can take it!!! whatdo i do???

Ashlen wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 08-21-2010 8:19 PM |

This is cool. What do you do when you're so deep in the hole that you can't get out though? I have been hating myself for so long I don't think it's possible to love myself.

Maddie wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 08-22-2010 9:34 AM |

Hi, I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to forgive a cheater who breaks your heart?

AdminNan wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 08-23-2010 12:50 PM |

Hi Maddie, Dawson has written an entire series about Forgiveness.  You can check those blogs out HERE: www.thehopeline.com/.../default.aspx

Micah. wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 08-23-2010 1:01 PM |

Think of yourself as a friend.

Accept yourself as you do a friend.

Forgive yourself as a friend.

Love yourself as you do a friend.

Be patient with yourself as a friend.

Respect yourself as you do a friend.

Treat yourself like a friend:)

Joy wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 09-19-2010 11:54 PM |

I used to be an anorexic, bulimic, suicidal cutter. I hated myself beyond all reason. I dropped 31 pounds in a short time, and after two years of dealing with these disorders, I was nearly hospitalized. When I started thinking clearly again, I took a dry-erase marker and wrote encouragement notes, song lyrics about true beauty, and verses all over my mirror. Now, everytime I look in my mirror, even I don't feel so great about myself that day, I remember how God sees me. I remember that He created me in His perfect, beautiful image, and it changes my whole focus.

Rachael wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 09-23-2010 4:59 PM |

I would just like to say that god likes us when he sees us be happy.  Not only does he only want us to love and respect ourselves, he wants us to love each other too(:

Thnkzsomuch wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 11-28-2010 8:17 PM |

I have been through the worst year of my life. Attempted Suicide, fought off an eating disorder and managed to come out of my hole mainly do to this blog and ur posts this helped a ton! Thanks for sharing

slammy166 wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 03-20-2011 8:33 PM |

i have a speech impediment...snd i hate myself for it..i cant stop it....and i wanna kill myself..any advice?

J-Ry wrote re: 148. What To Do When You Hate Yourself – Pt. 2
on 03-28-2011 2:47 PM |

I have no self esteem because i was abused and neglected for 14 years. At the same time i felt like no one loved me. Some of my best friends were the ones calling me the meanest names and untrue things, through being called them so many times thats how i see myself.  I see myself as a completely worthless human being. I am not suicidal in any way anymore but i cant get rid of the self hate. I dont want to hate myself but i honestly have no idea how i am worth something in any way. Any advice?