Do you know someone who struggles with anger? You probably
don’t have to look any further than your own mirror. In last week’s blog I
wrote about what anger is. If you haven’t read it, you may want to check it
So I’m wondering this week, why do we get angry? We get
angry based on our reaction to a variety of things—people, circumstances,
memories, or personal problems, just to name a few. It can also be a response
to a single event, or a reaction to numerous events. What makes you angry? Here
are some of your answers…
Shawnee wrote: “What makes me angry? Being ignored.”
Ali wrote: “Fake people and liars.”
Jake wrote: “Trying hard at something and failing.”
Ashley wrote: “I hate it when people criticize me and have
no idea what I go through.”
Michael wrote: “Being nice to people, only to have them be
mean to me.”
Jane wrote: “Not being able to control my emotions.”
When you feel anger, it’s easy to think you want to lash out
to make up for whatever, or whoever, has hurt you. Unfortunately, we all know
that anger can get out of control and become destructive, causing a ton of
problems. Many learn angry behavior over many years.
When something doesn’t go the way we think it should,
we try to take control over the out of control situation with anger.
Ana wrote: “I've become an angry person, because I
learned it from my mom, who is always getting mad at everything and yelling.
However all the anger I get I take it on myself and I start cutting myself. I
don't like to show others I'm angry for something they did, because I always
think it’s my fault.” Ana, acting out in her anger, is not helping her
one bit. Instead of dealing with anger in a positive way, she turns it inward,
making matters all the worse. Her anger may be legitimate, but her reaction to
it is not.
So why do we get angry?
#1 • We get angry when our expectations are not met. When
something doesn’t go the way we think it should, we try to take control over
the out of control situation with anger.
Chells wrote: “Usually I don't get angry much…however
being accused of things will set me off big time.”
#2 • We also get angry when we feel we’re being threatened.
And it may or may not be a real situation. We’ve all seen a person get angry
about something that isn’t a real threat at all. For example: the guy at a bar
who gets in a fight with another guy because, “He looked at me funny,”
when the other guy didn’t even know he was there. People carry a lot of
emotional baggage into certain situations, making them feel more threatened
than they need to feel.
#3 • Additionally, some angry people carry their resentments
and rage around with them at all times, creating an environment that makes
other people be more aggressive toward them, just enhancing the whole anger
cycle. These are the kinds of people who have a very short fuse, and any number
of things will set them off.
You don’t have to let anger control you.
Here are some other reasons why some people get angry. Maybe
you’ve experienced some of these:
- losing a loved one.
from drugs or some medications
physical conditions, such as PMS
some drugs, alcohol abuse, drug abuse
teased or bullied
told you have a serious illness
The fact is, just about anything can trigger an angry
reaction. Monica said, “I get angry very often. And quite frankly I don’t
know how to deal with my anger. I bottle it up inside and every so often it all
Remember, even though anger will most likely be a part of
the rest of your life, you don’t have to let it control you.
MY NEXT BLOG: How Can
I Deal With My Anger? I want to talk about some ways you have successfully manage
your anger. What helps you to stay calm when you feel like blowing up, raging,
or acting out in anger. Please comment below - I look forward to hearing your
<< Previous Blog
157. What is Anger?