A tearful girl and two of her BFFs sitting at a coffee shop—

Girl #1: He cheated on me… I cannot believe it! HE CHEATED ON ME!!!

Girl #2:  Well, I can't believe you just figured that out. He's been cheatin' on you for a long time.

Girl #3:  You don't need to put up with that. You need to find you guy who appreciates you. I think you and James would be good together. I can set you up.

Girl #2:  Well, I think you need to make that no-good cheater pay, and I have several ideas about how to do that…

Girl #1: He is the third guy who has cheated on me. I guess all guys are just pigs.

It is always painful when marriages or dating relationships come apart and usually far more painful for one person than the other. But cheating — that makes a painful situation so much worse. It not just a matter of your boyfriend saying that he doesn't want to be with you anymore; cheating is major disrespect. So, what do you if you've been cheated on? How do you get past the pain and get on to the next part of your life?

Let's start out with a few things you SHOULD NOT do:

1.  Don’t waste time trying to get even. One of the ways girls get back at their cheating ex is to spread rumors that are not true. It might make you feel better for a little while, but in the end you just making yourself look even more devalued. It may not seem that way to you, but is sure looks that way to everyone else. Don't lower yourself by retaliating but say to yourself, I'm too good for that.

Some people try to retaliate by doing something to hurt themselves. That doesn't make much sense, but it still happens. Girls have been known to date guys they do not like at all in order to get back at the guy they love. Suicide is the ultimate example of people trying to strike back at others by hurting themselves. When they find me, she says to herself, then he'll be sorry. Unfortunately, that also happens far too often.

2.  Don't rebound in the same direction.

Cory wrote: “Take your time moving on also don't just jump into a relationship the minuet your single. Moving on takes time and drowning you sadness out by forcing yourself into a relationship might not be the best idea... Stay positive. Even try staying single for a few months and figure out what you want who you dont want and keep an open mind about relationships and people.”

No matter how you try to cover it up, people who are cheated on almost always feel they have been disrespected, devalued, or cheapened in other people's eyes. It is lot like that sickening feeling you get when someone makes some terribly nasty comment about you. Feeling a big hole inside that is screaming to be filled, the temptation is to quickly fill that void with another boyfriend. However, finding another boyfriend ASAP (as soon as possible) may not be the best way to find a guy AGAP (as good as possible). You might wind up in another cheating relationship.

Dawn wrote: “If you want to move on to the next BF and you don't want the same type of guy...#1 don't do or look in the same place u met the 1st BF. I believe deeply that before another relationship is established you must 1st be mentally, emotionally and spiritually ready because a new boyfriend no matter how great can't make u achieve that level of completeness necessary to handle the challenges of a relationship!”

3.  Don't bear other people's guilt. When people cheat, it is their decision and their responsibility. However, the ones cheated upon are often left wondering what they did wrong. When parents separate, it is the children who often wind up feeling guilty. Certainly, one person can be responsible in part for someone leaving a relationship, but in cheating, the cheater are totally responsible for his or her actions. We really never get away with anything. Ultimately, we will all answer to God for everything we do, say, and think.

4.  Don't let a bad wound fester.

Kaitlyn wrote: “Well, never rush into a relationship cus then so many thngs go bad and wrong and someone ends up hurt. and as for a healthy way to move on, just trying to forget the guy and either relax and enjoy being single or start lookin for a new guy.”

Being cheated on cuts very deep. Though it may not seem so now, wounds do eventually heal. If, however, they are allowed to get infected, the infection can cause more long-term damage than then initial cut. Bitterness is the infection that causes a short-term wound to become a long-term affliction. By nursing and rehearsing the terrible actions of your ex-boyfriend and how terribly you were hurt, the wound festers. Eventually, that event becomes so rooted in your thinking that it shapes the way you view every other dating relationship. So in a way, you take the infection from that cheating ex with you into every future relationship until you forgive and let it go.

5. Don't Engage in Missionary Dating. Why do some girls continue to attract and date known cheaters. You would think that they would learn from their previous mistakes. Many times that happens because these girls have the secret desire to tame the wild man. If you want danger and excitement, if you don't care about long-term committed relationships, and being cheated on doesn't bother you — forge ahead. But if you are lookin for love with known cheaters, then you're lookin in the wrong places.

6. Don't Think You Are the Exception.

Dawn wrote: “If you want to move on to the next BF and you don't want the same type of guy...#1 don't do or look in the same place u met the 1st BF.”

The most likely guy to cheat is the one who has done it before. So you would think girls would avoid previous cheaters like a plague. But that is far from what happens. There is always another girl willing to give them a chance. There are things that can happen which will change a guy at his very core, things so dramatic that his bent to cheating and the weakness for temptation are turned into rock solid faithfulness. But rarely will that kind of change come simply from a relationship with the next girl—not even you. Girls compete for guys, but who they are competing with are other girls. Taming that cheater makes a girl feel better than the girl or girls who couldn't. The most common reason that girls get involved with known cheaters is that they think that they will be the exception. Don't get too carried away with flatting words about how much better you are that his last girlfriend or all the terrible things she did that made him cheat. 

THOSE ARE A FEW THINGS that you should not do. In the next blog post I want to talk about finding the best guy for you — maybe the one with whom you will spend the rest of your life. Got any suggestions?

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