First, a quick review from the last three blog posts:
161. Guys are not that complex and neither are the reasons why some of them cheat on their girlfriends. 1) Either they don't understand or value the relationship the way their girlfriends do, or 2) but their ability to resist temptation has been weakened through friends and bad role models or simply because they have been allowed to get away with it.
162. Beyond asking why guys in general cheat, it is more important to find out why your particular boyfriend cheated on you. Learning from that bad experience has a lot to do with how honestly we answer questions about how and why we got into the relationship to begin with.
163. There are at least a half a dozen bad ways to respond to being cheated on, all of which will reduce you chances of finding the right guy.
Having said all of that, below are a few things to keep in mind that hopefully with help you with your next move forward?
1. The best, long-lasting relationships are built on love not lust, not popularity, not need.
Rebecca wrote: Suggestions for finding the right guy? Its going to be a guy that respects you for your morals and values, someone that is willing to do anything for you, without going over their own boundaries, which you should respect.
Love is about serving, giving, honoring, putting the other before self, wanting the very best for someone else… In other words, the best relationships are between two people, both of whom are givers, not takers. When two needy, wanty people get together, there is just not enough giving and not enough sacrificial love to go around.
2. Secure people build secure relationships. The foundation for a strong relationship is when some fundamental things are settled before you get started like already knowing that you are loved, already knowing you have tremendous worth and value, and already knowing there is a great purpose and plan for your life. If you are desperate to get those things from a boyfriend or girlfriend, then there is a high probability you are going to be hurt, disappointed, and maybe even cheated on. Those qualities (knowing you are loved, a sense of self-worth, and sense of purpose) are things you get from get from other relationships with family, with friends, and with God. If you don't have a supportive family, then you get it from great friends and God. If you don't have supportive family or great friends God is there for you in a very special way.
3. Understand that there is a balance in all good relationships. That is not an easy thing to get your head around, but it works something like this: The worse guys to date are those who are looking for girls who will worship them day and night. Stay away from those guys. It is almost always going to turn out badly. You want to be someone's girlfriend, not their slave.
The best guys are turned off by girls whose only interest is in their boyfriend. No outside interests, no passions, no dreams except for the guy she is dating. That is more than a turn-off, that is down right terrifying for a lot of guys. On the other side of the balancing scale, guys are less interested in girls who are so caught up in the own worlds, they have little time for them as a boyfriend. Figuring out how to be strong individuals who also have a strong connection with each other is what puts concrete into foundation of a relationship.
4. The girls who find the best guys are ones who are willing to wait for the right one.
Ashley wrote: It takes time but when u look he will never come but if u stop looking he shows up. I stopped looking and the best guy came into my life. All i can do now is pray that we stay together.
Sarah wrote: same here ashley.. stopped looking.. dint even want to date nymore then my mr. rite came into my life asked me out and I turned him down a few times. he asked me again and I jus thot.. watever, what have I to lose? it went very well we were inseperable and 8 months later we got married. now we have a beautiful boy together and the love is even stronger.
Here is little paradox. You find the best guy / the right guy / the relationship guy when you are not looking him. And he may not be looking for you either. It is not that you don't keep your eyes open. What I mean is that two people are focused on building the own lives and pursuing their own dreams. One day a guy like that looks around and notices a girl with her own dreams, ambitions, and pursuits. They are attracted to each other physically, but they also have a deep connection, admiration, and affection for one another. That is the kind of relationship no guy in his right mind would cheat on.
Next blog: A few thoughts on all the comments you have made. Please leave me some more comments this week that I can respond to!
ALSO, here is another blog that I wrote a while back on Finding The Right Guy >>
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163. Moving on From a Cheating Boyfriend — Six Things Not to Do