When You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough For Someone

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We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about of the opposite sex our hero, or even our god.

I am absolutely amazed as to the number of questions you have about the opposite sex. Let’s face it, relationships and romance and the emotions that come with it, is really important. It can affect the rest of our lives for good or for bad. I hope you find yourself getting answers to some of the problems keeping you from experiencing the positive effects of having great relationships. It’s always encouraging for me to read your thank yous in the comment section about how these blogs are helping you. Remember, I’m in your corner. Here are this week’s questions…

shutterstock_40987639_when you feel like your not good enough for someone.insideblogQUESTION #29) Amelia asked: “I’ve been with my boyfriend for about three months now and he’s great, but I just feel like I’m not good enough for him. I’m 19, he’s 21, and he’s perfect, but I always feel like I’m being compared to his ex-girlfriend from three years ago, or that I’m just not good for him. He says that’s not true, but I can’t get past feeling that he’s too good for me. It’s starting to affect our relationship, how do I get over this?” 

DAWSON: I think there are a couple of issues going on here. First, you say your boyfriend is perfect. Even without knowing him, I can assure you he isn’t. We always make a mistake when we make someone we care about of the opposite sex our hero, or even our god. It’s great to respect your bf/gf, but putting them too high on a pedestal puts way too much pressure on the relationship.

Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.

But the bigger issue is you not feeling “good enough” for him. No matter what he tells you, you just won’t believe you bring as much to the relationship as he does. What would make you feel “good enough” for him? Whatever it is, you still would not be able to meet those standards. God has made each of us as incredibly unique individuals. You have just as many wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, even if you’re not aware of them right now.

It’s important for you to accept the love your boyfriend is giving you, and not just write it off because you don’t feel worthy. If you continue to talk about not feeling good enough, there’s a good chance he’s going to become discouraged because your relationship seems to be so negative, and move on to someone else. Stop focusing on just your weaknesses, and only his strengths. Seeing each other in a more realistic light, with both strengths and weaknesses, will help your relationship to be more balanced and healthy.

So stop worrying about your imperfections, and concentrate on loving him. When we really love others, we end up feeling a whole lot better about ourselves.

QUESTION #30) Braden asked: “Is it normal for a girl to break-up for no reason? If so, why?” 

Most people don’t do things like breaking-up with someone for no reason at all.

DAWSON: The short answer to your question is no. Most people don’t do things like breaking-up with someone for no reason at all. Most girls don’t say, “Oh, it’s Tuesday, I think I’ll break up with my boyfriend today.” It’s usually a series of either events, conversations with friends, or private feelings that lead to someone breaking-up with you.

Often, when a break-up happens out of the blue, it’s because there’s someone else who has entered the picture. Or maybe her friends are putting pressure on her to end the relationship. In many cases, you will never know the real reason. She’s probably not telling you her reasons, either to protect herself, or protect you from getting mad or hurt.

We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do.

Still, sometimes the “not knowing why” is more difficult than the actual break-up. I’d encourage you to let her have her reasons, whatever they may be, and not let it haunt you. If you are willing to do that, you’ll find yourself learning to be a better, stronger person. There are always going to be unanswered questions in dating relationships. We will never completely understand the opposite sex, and all the reasons they feel what they feel, and do what they do. Don’t let this girl’s lack of communication prevent you from being a person who chooses to be truthful and honest with the girls you date.

Your questions about the opposite sex continue to amaze me. Please keep sending them my way. I want to help you get to the root of some of the issues you’re dealing with in your guy/girl relationships. No matter what you’re going through, please remember there’s always hope.

 

Due to the volume of comments, we are unable to respond to all of them. Thank you for posting your comment. ~TheHopeLine Team
  • amanda

    Hi I am that person who is seeing a lovely guy he is funny caring and we have good times together ? But my mind keeps saying he to good for me and I am just waiting for him to drop me he has more convenient then me and thats got to do with how I was was treated by my ex . When I am with him I am so me and don’t think about anything then when I am not I think it’s going to come when he drops me don’t know how to get passed it .

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    • TheHopeLine Team

      Thank you for your kind words and thank you for sharing!

  • DaniRea

    I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 2 years now. I am 19 and he is 20. I fell pregnant with our son after being with him a little over a month. (Didn’t sleep together until a month went past, and in the first week we did I fell pregnant) at the beginning our relationship was amazing before we got together and for a little while after, we decided to live together to spend more time together and get to know eachother more. This was during the best parts of the relationship. He proposed to me, but a short while later I asked him why and he mentioned part of the reason was because I was pregnant. I gave the ring, we hardly knew eachother back. I know it was so soon to have a baby together, but I couldn’t stand the idea of adoption or abortion.
    Our relationship (for me) hasn’t turned out how I expected. He was everything I ever wanted in a partner, but suddenly he stopped pursuing me and trying. The affection and emotion seemed to have just gone, most days I feel really sad and wonder why. I don’t think I’m good enough for him still though. Because I know how much of a great guy he can be. He does a lot for our son and me, but the romace isn’t there. Hardly any hugs, kisses or just well.. Contact. We hardly talk, he works nights so we hardly sleep in the same bed anymore, as he sleeps during the day. While I take care of our son. We don’t do anything as a family. I want to so bad, I have a problem with crowds and going out on my own and always ask if he would come out with me. But his too tired. His hidden things from me and lied. It breaks my heart, I love him. I can’t leave him. I don’t want to leave him, I just want the old him back. (We have spoken about this) but it doesn’t go anywhere. I’ve told him I’m unhappy, I don’t even know what to do, he is too good for me. I can’t give him anything, but he works and looks after us. I don’t know how to make him happy, or what to do to want to spend more time with us (instead of relaxing, watching tv etc) outside as a family. Is it me wanting too much for him to be who he was when we met? The first day we spend together just the two of us, we walked about until 3am just..talking. Right there and then I felt so strongly for him. He walked me home and we said good night. These days, I can’t even get him to take our son to the park for half an hour. I know he is tired but our son is 1 next month. And we have hardly taken him out as a family. I always thought when I had my own family we would go out every weekend even just to the park (which is a 5minute walk)

    • TheHopeLine Team

      DaniRea, Thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds like you would really benefit from having an email mentor to continue talking to about your relationship. You can sign up for one on our “Get Help” page or download our new app to chat, listen to the show, get encouraged and sign up for and email mentor there as well at http://thehope.dm/thlmobileapp

  • Maddi

    I get asked out by cute boys, and this scares me because I feel like the ugliest person in the world. Sometimes when people want to date me I say no because just standing next to them makes me feel like crap. I feel like a waste.

  • Maddi

    It’s hard to be calm and not cry, especially when your in the middle of class but I need to tell someone. I want to die, but I can’t, I want to cry but I can’t and I want to scream how I really feel to people but I don’t even feel good enough to breathe. I have no self confidence and no REAL friends, I feel so alone and broken. My parents don’t understand, my siblings don’t understand and it seems like even if I were dead no one would really care. I’m covered in scars that won’t go away no matter how hard I pray to a god I’m not even sure exists. I’m just done with life but I don’t have the balls to do anything. I feel like a big fat ugly stain on everyone’s shirt. I’m tired all the time, I’m always sad even when I’m happy. I don’t know how to make myself better…i feel so ugly.

    • Sandy

      Maddi the exact same thing happened to me when I was 19. I was at the top of my form , then I met my horrible ex now I’m 21 and 40pounds fatter :( I will advise u to take care of urself, don’t do foolish things because this will get better and u WILL find better friends. I’m so SO much more happier now. You just need to have some faith and patience, and don’t bother about stupid people!

  • Jordan Jeynes Lyons

    Hi I have been dating my girlfriend for 8 months now but we have been though a lot and the while relationship guys have popped up and start saying things to her like what they wanna do to her but they are gone. but now cause she does cheer their is a guy that has been causing problems with me and my girlfriend and he is trying to break me and her up i asked her to stop talking to her but she wont listen and she just sees him as someone harmless but due to everything before this i am just so worried and i am scared im going to lose her what should i do :(

  • Roop

    Hello! Um I’m 19 and my bf is 21 .. We used to be friends earlier but from past couple of months we’ve officially entered into a relationship. It’s been great for a month or two but since then I don’t know something just doesn’t seem right. We rarely talk and whenever we do there’s just no sign of affection in it. I mean I know he loves just the same but he doesn’t show it. And now I’ve started to think do I not look good enough anymore. Am I not compatible with him. This is also because… well he’s hot and tall and I’m I guess average looking and short :( He doesn’t compliments even once and that really discourages me.
    Any advice please?

    • Joe

      You’re the female you have the “goods” be a tease show him what he’s missing, there must’ve been a little “clingyness” going on also you both are very young and indecisive. My advice would be to chill out don’t get so worked up over it because you know what? This guy may-be tall and hot but you might actually meet a “short cute guy” if you could look past the appearance and appreciate eachothers lives for what they are. Hope that helped a little bit

  • Megan

    Hello :) I’m 34 and my boyfriend of 3 months is 38. We’re both pretty busy people, he works A LOT and I have a 9yr old child. When we first met he wasn’t expecting that a relationship would form, but it did and it’s been great. He tells me how much he likes me, he says that everything feels right and easy between us, BUT! he’s in a crossroads in his life in regards to his career and feels that he needs to figure out his direction before he can continue to pursue this relationship (or a relationship) any further. He needs things to slow down and is asking that I be patient, although he has said that if I’m unhappy that he’s not asking me to stay, but that he’s also not asking me to go. He’s been open and honest about telling me how much “committment” he’s able to give me at this particular time. I don’t fear that he’s cheating on me
    or being unfaithful, however; I do feel a bit let down and question where I fit in his life, if at all. He’s been so busy with work and projects and life in general, that we’ve only been seeing each other 1 day a week. We do talk daily, either on the phone or text, but lately I’ve been having this feeling of not being good enough and it’s making me sad. I guess I believe that if you really want someone, or something, you’ll do whatever you need to do to get it? I might be overthinking all of this and allowing my fears of my past get the best of me? I don’t want to accidently sabotage something that might be good, but for the past few days I have been contemplating if I should respectfully remove myself from this relationship and give him the space he clearly needs to figure out his currently life situation? Or is that possibly being too dramatic? I’m beginning to fall in love with this man (although he doesn’t know) and losing him scares me because I do believe that him and I can have something wonderful, but right now I just feel a little bit sad and unclear as to what to do? Please help!