Dating

I am in an abusive dating relationship.

1. There are a few things that should be stated up front if the person you are dating is abusing you. First, you do not deserve to be abused. No matter what you think you did or did not do, the abuse is not justified and it is not okay. Second, no matter what your date says or tries to make you believe, they do not love you if they are abusing you. Third, staying in a relationship with an abuser is not good for you, and it is not good for the abuser. You are not helping them by allowing them to abuse you. Finally, you need to understand that the abuse will get worse before it gets better. The abuse is not likely to stop unless the abuser seeks out and finds help from someone other than the victim.
2. If you are being abused by a date, then your first step is to break off the relationship immediately. Do it over the telephone or by IM/TM/Email. If you absolutely must do it in person, then break off the relationship in a safe place where there are others around who can and will help you if the abuser becomes violent.
3. Stay strong. Chances are that the abuser will try to convince you that they will change. Even though they may appear to be sincere and you want to believe them, don’t agree to give them another chance. Remember, unless they receive help from someone other than the victim they are not likely to change. Unfortunately, abusers are typically unable to change on their own, even if they truly want to.
4. Find an adult friend who you can talk to about the abuse. Trust them to help you and support you in the break-up. Your parents need to know what is going on, but if you cannot talk to them seek out a teacher, a coach, a minister, or a counselor.
5. If the abuser threatens you or begins to stalk you, then you should contact the police. Most states outlaw threats of violence and stalking, and they can get involved to help keep you safe. In most cases the abuse that you have already suffered was a crime and should be reported to police.
6. Don’t take chances. Spend your time in groups and in public places for awhile. Don’t give the abuser a chance to harm you again.
7. For support and someone to talk to, call the HopeLine (1-800-394-HOPE) or visit www.dmlive.com to chat with a Hope Coach.