Relationship Addiction

What do I do: I am Addicted to Relationships

1. Relationship addiction, like other types of addiction, is very difficult to just get over. It is most often deeply rooted in past hurts and conflicts. Like other addictions, relationship addiction can take control of your life so that all of your decisions are shaded by the addiction. You will first need a decision and a commitment to change. Be aware, however, that because the addiction impacts your entire life, change will do the same.
2. Don’t be embarrassed by this. Whatever has happened in the past, the things you have experienced and the choices you have made cannot be changed. However, you have an opportunity today to begin to make changes so that you can take back control of your life.
3. It is very difficult to overcome relationship addiction while you are currently in a relationship. That would be similar to attempting to overcome a drug addiction while still using the substance every day. It would be nearly impossible. Because of this, you may need to get out of your current relationship. If you believe that this person is not part of the problem then you can tell them why you need out and ask them to wait for you while you work through some issues. But you still need change the nature of that relationship.
4. Take note of the compromises that you have made and the undesirable relationships that you have found yourself in. Perhaps you have given yourself sexually or endured abuse so that you would not end the relationship. Part of your commitment to change may begin with a recognition that you are too valuable to be treated poorly by anyone and a commitment to not go back there. Make a list of the things that you will no longer tolerate in a relationship and a list of the qualities that you will look for in a date in the future. These lists will provide some goals for you and can serve as a sort of guidepost for decision making about future relationships.
5. Use this time to focus on healthy, non-romantic relationships which are helpful, healthy, and enjoyable.
6. Don’t give up. Because relationships can give you a momentary “feel-good” it is frightening to even think about stopping. Nobody wants to give up something that gives them comfort or relaxation. Deciding to deal with the relationship addiction is not an easy decision, and once you make the decision the road before you may still be a long one. You might even experience setbacks on the way. When you do, don’t let guilt set in, but keep working to overcome this problem that has taken hold of your life.
7. It is common for people dealing with addictions to conquer one addiction only to replace it with another. Because of this you need to surround yourself with honest and supportive people to help you. Keep alert for desires to replace the relationship addiction with drugs, alcohol, or other damaging activities.
8. Be aware that times of extreme discouragement and disappointment for you will come. Hang in there. If you begin to feel like life is not worth living, seek out help. Don’t let the poor decisions of your parents cause you to give up on life.
9. Remember that in some cases, the relationship addiction is a symptom of a deeper emotional struggle. In these cases, you may also seek out the help of a counselor or social worker who can work with you during your recovery.
10. For support and someone to talk to, call the HopeLine (1-800-394-HOPE) or visit www.dmlive.com to chat with a live person.