Sexual Abuse

What do I do: If I know someone who is being or has been sexually abused?

1. If you know someone who is being sexually abused then you need to understand that you may have a legal responsibility to report the abuse. In many states, mandated reporting laws make it a crime for an adult to refuse to report suspicion of child abuse of any nature. If you suspect that a minor is being sexually abused (or otherwise abused), then you need to make a report to the appropriate agency. Even if you are not legally obligated to report the abuse, the safety and well-being of the child should be the overwhelming guiding factor in your decision to report. You can find abuse reporting numbers for your state by visiting http://www.childwelfare.gov/. Most states allow for abuse reports to remain anonymous.
2. Show them genuine love and concern. Don’t talk down to them.
3. Always take them seriously when they talk about it.
4. Advocate for them by placing their safety and interests above those of others who may be embarrassed or confused by the abuse.
5. Help them seek out the assistance of others such as teachers, ministers, counselors, and family members.
6. Strive to invest time with them during times of relative quiet as well as being there for them during times of crisis.
7. Spend time building a relationship with them. Ask good probing questions and talk in terms of how hard it must be for them. Initially most abuse victims are not apt to confess the nature and extent of the abuse. You must listen far more than you talk if you are going to be effective.
8. People dealing with sexual abuse often feel alone and isolated. Listen for potential support networks already existent in the caller’s life and try to persuade them to turn there for additional help.
9. Many, if not most, teenagers who are abused suffer from blame and shame. They will internalize the abuse as somehow being their fault. They will internalize that blame and conclude that they somehow deserved what happened to them. They will often fail to see the abuse as something bad that happened to them. Instead, they will see the abuse as something that happened to them because they are bad or worthless.
10. Most sexual abuse victims continue to suffer adverse consequences sexually years after the abuse. Some become overly promiscuous, while most become sexually avoidant, even with their spouses.
11. Many people who are abused have been abused repeatedly by multiple abusers. You will need to be a strong encourager of their inherent worth and value. Find positive things about them to talk about.
12. The abuse survivor needs to see you as someone who is on their side. People who are abused will likely be distrustful of you initially. They might not believe your intentions are for their best interests.