How Do I Live With A Step-Parent?

What do I do: I am struggling in my step-family

1. When a step-family comes together you can expect that it will be very difficult, but that is okay. Perhaps the most important thing for you to remember is to hang in there and don’t give up. The process is a long one. At some point you may become so frustrated that you may feel like moving out or maybe even running away. Work hard to resist those feelings.
2. Give your new step-parent a chance. Chances are that they are anxious about how to relate to you just like you are anxious about how to relate to them. The strong emotions that you feel about having someone new come into the home are very normal and may cause you to see only the negatives in the new step-parent.
3. Ask your parent for a step-family meeting so that you can all talk about the situation and try to set some rules and guidelines that you all agree to follow.
4. Communicate to your mom and/or dad about how you feel about the situation. Allow them to help you with the adjustment. They are also adjusting to a new life with their new spouse and are probably very concerned about you and how you are dealing with the process.
5. Understand that accepting the new step-parent does not mean that you are disrespecting your mom or dad. Some parents resist their ex-spouse moving on in life and do not want their children to adjust to a new step-family. These parents mistakenly believe that to accept the new step-parent is to reject them. You may need to explain this to your parent.
6. You will need some support during this time. Seek out the help of a responsible adult so that you will have someone to talk to. Consider finding a trusted teacher, counselor, pastor, or friend’s parent to talk to about your struggles.
7. Remember that you don’t have to like, or even approve of your step-parent in order to live with them and respect them.
8. If you have a difficult time communicating your thoughts and feelings, try writing them down first, like in a letter. You may or not choose to give it the person to write it to, but the act of writing the letter can be very helpful to sort out your thoughts.
9. If your step-parent (or parent) is abusive to your or your siblings report this. You do not have to live in a home where you are being abused. See the Virtual Coach on abuse.
10. Many people find it helpful to keep a journal of their thoughts. During difficult times this can be a very good way to process thoughts and feelings. You might consider this as well.
11. Find positive ways to invest your time. Commit to things that are good for your future. Decide that you will be an excellent student, a productive worker, a caring friend, and a dedicated brother or sister.
12. Be aware that periods of extreme discouragement and disappointment for you may come. Hang in there. If you begin to feel like life is not worth living seek out help. Don’t let the poor decisions of your parents cause you to give up on life.
13. For support and someone to talk to, call the HopeLine (1-800-394-HOPE) or visit www.dmlive.com to chat with a live person.