I Believed the Myth - Sober Life = Boring Life

If you get all your life views from television and movies, you might think sober life is boring. At least, that’s what I thought. On TV, the people who were sober never had any fun. I never wanted to be “that guy.”

Maybe that’s why I always associated alcohol with fun. From the time I was 16, I would grab a beer or a bottle of vodka whenever it was time to kick back and let loose.

When someone on TV needs to let off some steam, what do they do? Most of the time, they drink. So, we learn to do the same. But for some of us, these habits can lead down a dark and disturbing path.

When I Realized I Had a Problem with Alcohol?

People like to ask when I realized my partying had turned to alcoholism. The truth is that I don’t exactly know, but it doesn’t matter. My drinking was always a problem. It’s really not healthy to think of alcohol as an escape or a source of fun.

It wasn’t until I got sober that I realized how far I had fallen.

I thought back to the days of my youth and remembered what it was like to have pure unadulterated fun – without the use of a crutch. I so wanted to feel that again.

It did take some time and work, but I finally got there. Now, I can say that I’m leaps and bounds happier than I ever was while I was drinking.

Here are 7 reasons why I’m happier living a sober life.

1. I have more energy

Between hangovers and lack of sleep, I was in a constant state of fatigue. In the morning, I would guzzle what felt like a gallon of coffee only to lose steam by about 2 p.m. More coffee was the only solution until I could have more alcohol.

I thought alcoholics drank all day, so I limited myself to drinking after 5 p.m. I was wrong about the time thing, but at least my unfounded beliefs kept me sober for a few hours.

After 5 p.m., I had to make up for lost time. That’s when I’d have a bottle or two of wine. And things only got worse from there. Somehow, the alcohol energized me until I drank so much that I’d just pass out. This was often in the wee hours of the night.

Without fail, the alarm went off at 6 a.m. every morning, and I’d get up and do it again.

I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck, but I still did it all over again, and again.

When I finally got sober, I remembered what it was like to have energy. I was able to function during the day like a real person. It’s an amazing feeling!

2. My Appearance Improved

I think I've always been a little vain, so when I got into my late 20s and started noticing wrinkles, I became motivated.

Alcohol was bad for my skin and overall appearance. I knew this, but still when I looked in the mirror, I lied to myself, convincing myself that it was all part of the natural aging process. Some people have better genes than others. But deep down, I knew that alcohol was destroying my looks.

When I got sober, I realized the extent of the damage I was doing. I saw it in the mirror, but the real wake-up call came in the compliments I got from everyone around me.

3. I have more money

Even if you buy the cheapest booze, alcoholism is expensive. You know how marketers love to compare everything with the price of coffee? When you’re a recovering alcoholic, you start comparing things with the price of alcohol. Because that’s when you realize how much you’ve spent on alcohol for so long.

Now, I can take a vacation with the money I save from not buying alcohol every day.

4. I made room for fitness

I used to work out a bit in my hard-partying days, but it was different. It was motivated by the thought that I had to do something to counter the effects of alcohol. If I didn’t, I’d surely have a giant beer belly. I had one, don’t get me wrong, but I knew it would be worse.

But when I got sober, working out became about finding the best version of myself. I started pushing my limits and I loved seeing the results in the mirror.

5. I remember each moment

When I was drinking, I’d have a lot of blackouts. These were periods where I would wake up and not remember what I did the night before. There were moments of terror and embarrassment as I vaguely recalled acting like a fool.

But it wasn’t just the blackouts that were a problem. My memories of my sober moments were even fuzzy. It was as if my head was in a cloud.

When I got sober, I felt like I regained my lost mental abilities. I felt like I could keep up with life again.

6. My immune system is stronger

Alcohol depletes the body of hydration and nutrients that help strengthen your immune system. When I was drinking, I was always getting sick. I had this seemingly eternal cough that I would tell people was allergies, but I always wondered. When I stopped drinking, it went away, and I haven’t had a cold since.

7. I’m comfortable in my own skin

Most importantly for me, I learned how to love myself when I stopped drinking. The distractions and crutches were gone, and I was able to work on my relationship with myself.

If you’re struggling now and thinking about getting sober, it’s time to take the next step. It may be time to connect with an alcoholism and rehabilitation facility that can help you through the process.  -Trevor McDonald.

If you are wanting to check out a rehabilitation facility, TheHopeLine partners with Banyan Treatment Center

About the Author: Trevor McDonald is a recovering addict and alcoholic who's been clean and sober for over 5 years. With that perspective, he gives many answers to the question, why should I be sober? Since his recovery began, he has enjoyed using his talent for words to help others who face the same struggles he did. He is also an outreach coordinator for *Sober Nation.

*The organization referenced in the author’s bio is not a partner of TheHopeLine.

Emotional Stuffing, Misplaced Anger, and Rage

In This Episode:

I’m glad you are listening to this podcast dealing with anger. Everybody struggles with it: you, me and the guy down the street. That’s why God speaks about it so much in the Bible. I had a chance to talk with 3 people: Evie, Donald and Matthew about their anger. I think you will be moved by their honesty but also the serious traps they could fall into if they don’t deal with it.

Built Up Resentments

Evie’s mom is a quadriplegic from a car accident that happened when Evie was 4 years old. Evie hasn’t had much of a childhood and has a lot of built-up resentments. Evie’s been forced to take care of her mom practically her whole life and is constantly reminded of her very difficult predicament. She feels alone and isolated. She feels her situation is keeping her in bondage, with no freedom in sight.  So, to make up for the pain and her sense of powerlessness, she’s turned to anger. Her plan has been to take her anger out on herself and others. That’s called misplaced anger. But that does not work. It fails her every time and leaves her sad and even more frustrated.

Find the Positive to Deal

Evie, however, is doing some positive things to help her cope. She writes music, poetry and spends time in nature. She’s trying to deal with her issues in a healthy way but in the end, her coping mechanisms are not enough. She needs to understand what she’s going through from a whole different perspective.

King David suffered from many heartaches, like abandonment, loneliness and other deep emotional issues. Yet, he kept his faith in God. David let God help him change the way he viewed his life. David was able to turn from feeling sad to glad by praising God for what He had done. David said in Palms 40:3, “He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD.”

There is no way Evie can get over her anger without God. She needs something miraculous to happen. With God’s help, she can transform the way she looks at her life. She can turn from anger and resentment to praise and hope.

Taking Anger Out on Everybody Else

Donald is having anger problems. His friends can be joking, and he can get angry one minute and then be happy the next. Donald said, “When my temper flares up, I lose what I’m doing and start taking my anger out on everybody else.” I encouraged Donald to visit a doctor to see if he needs medication. Seeking professional opinions can help and it doesn’t mean we are a failure. Seeing a psychiatrist is not a death sentence. They have been able to help millions of people get relief.

Part of the reason, Donald is struggling is because he’s an emotional stuffer. Instead of releasing how he feels in a positive way, he buries them. Therefore, the emotions have no place to go. Stuffing them can cause him to carry around emotional explosives which can be triggered by just about anything.

Find a Trusted Person to Talk to

Donald needs to find ways to express his feelings in a positive way. One way is to talk out how he’s feeling and not just act like everything is okay. He needs to find someone…a friend, a minister, a counselor, a trusted family member to talk things out. He also needs to discuss issues he has with others as they happen and not wait until he can’t handle the emotions anymore. For example, if someone close to him hurts him, he needs to go to them and discuss how he’s feeling instead of ignoring it.

The Bible tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger. We need to quickly stop from being angry so that we don’t let anger control our lives. As you read the Bible, you will find strength and encouragement and it can be a powerful outlet to your deep emotions. The Bible has a lot to say about anger and the emotions that feed it. King David wrote, “Refrain from anger and abandon wrath; do not fret--it can only bring harm.” Psalm 37:8

Remember God wants to turn our anger and fretting into peace and love! The choice is ours!

Afraid to Get Out of Control

Matthew gets irritated and frustrated over little things. He says in the past, he’s gotten out of control and he’s afraid he might be getting to that point again. For example, wanting to throw the coffee table across the room.

Matthew has developed good insights into himself. He can see he has used anger to make up for the powerlessness he feels. Anger has become his protector but has its disastrous results. He wants to stop his anger from getting out of control. He understood what I was saying, “If you don’t do something about it, it will do something about you.” Anger is like a bad habit; it just grows and grows until disaster strikes.

Find a Place to Get Help

Part of his problem is he doesn’t know where to go to get help. He will have to be proactive to find the help he needs. He needs counseling which can help him discover the roots of his anger. He needs a whole support team around him to help him when he feels that rage. Church can be a great place to find help and a support team. He’ll have to be persistent to find a church which will help him. He needs to know; God will help him in getting down the road to freedom from anger and rage.

The Bible says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Ephesians 4:31

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Perhaps, this episode has caused you to examine your own anger. If that is true, may I suggest a simple prayer that could change your anger problems in amazing ways.

Dear God, I submit myself to you. I don’t want to be an angry person. Help me so I don’t let the sun go down on my anger. I want peace and calm in place of anger. Help me to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I trust you to help me with this issue in my life. Thank you that you are going to change me into a whole new person as I seek and obey you! Amen.

May God give you the courage and love that we all need to face anger and other hurtful emotions. It can be a long journey but one we must take. God bless you!

Resources for help with ANGER:

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on loneliness. Feeling alone can be overwhelming. It can lead to a lot of other issues, such as, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even thoughts of suicide. If you’ve been feeling lonely, know it’s not God’s plan for your life. He wants us to have friends and to love each other as He loves us. In this episode, I talk about loneliness with Amy, Tim, and Rebecca. We’ll talk about what keeps them from having meaningful relationships and how they can find and build friendships.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson
 

Why do I want to be anyone but me?

I have to confess I have this problem…when I look around me, I always think everyone else has it better than me.  They have better hair, better clothes, a better face, a nicer house, a better personality, better skills and talents.

The Why?

Society’s pressure never ends; you get bombarded with it everywhere you go.  Trying to be the best, trying to look the part you want to look, trying to appear as if you are the most interesting person in the world and your life is the most wonderful life possible.

I think if most of us look at the highlights in our own lives…. those moments laughing with friends, vacations, the good days, the days where we look and feel good, those times where we do something awesome and noteworthy aka Instagram worthy…those highlights make us look as if our life is something to take notice of.  I know I’m not the only one who goes back and looks over my pictures and is like…oh yeah, cool, I really have had some good times!

As we all know, everyday life is not glamorous…sometimes it’s downright rigid, boring, and extremely monotonous.  Get up, eat breakfast, go to work or school, go home, eat dinner, study, binge on Netflix…blah, blah…not too much in a typical day that’s Instagram worthy.  I have to tell myself…this is okay, and I’m telling you it’s okay.  Life doesn’t have to be exciting every moment.

Why don’t I feel complete?

Here’s my secret…probably an issue you’ve never heard of…I have dad issues (gasp). I’m being sarcastic if you can’t tell. I know so many of us have this issue.  I have two dads (dad and stepdad), but the fact that neither of them were completely vested in my life when I was younger affected me a lot. In many ways, this left me with a hole in my soul.

However, the thing that always puzzled me about this hole in my soul was that I knew Jesus. I knew He was the answer and the only way to fill the longing in my heart. But I didn’t always listen and seek Him. Instead, I looked for love and acceptance through guys. I went through many years of liking guys who didn’t like me, but it didn’t take long for that to change. Once I hit about 18 years old, guys liking me wasn’t a problem anymore and I soaked up the attention and “love” I got from them.  This was not a healthy thing to do.  It only leads to TROUBLE with a capital T.

If you need approval or attention to feel good about yourself then this can only lead you down a bad path. It means you will do things you didn’t want to do to get attention and feel better about yourself.

How do I fix it?

To “fix” the hole in my soul and fulfill the desire to be who I was meant to be is simple, but I tend to complicate it. We are all actually made this way…incomplete on our own. God did this so He can complete us. We are only made totally complete through God. Without him, we will always have an emptiness looming.

God is Calling You to Him

God created us in His image. He made us to have a deep, meaningful relationship with Him and to be in constant communication with Him. If we aren’t following through on that, then we are going to feel incomplete. If we put our faith in ourselves or others, not in God, then we are not going to flourish and be who we were meant to be.

Sometimes God seems far away. There are so many other things going on in life and He feels just “up there” sometimes. The truth is God can be more present and more real in your life, the more you let Him. He is not going to show up uninvited. He gives us free will to call upon Him or to ignore Him.

Show Me You're Real God

There was a time in my life where I wasn’t sure if God existed. After some straying and darkness, I cried out to Him and prayed, “I need for you to show me you are real. I need to know you are here and care about me.” One time, during a church service, I was praying this to Him and I felt His presence and felt for a moment like I was breathing pure oxygen. God showed up and answered my prayer. I felt his presence so strongly, and since then, I’ve never doubted his existence again. It’s so cool because the more you press into Him (by praying, reading and studying the Bible), the more you see Him at work in your life.

God promises if you seek Him, you will find Him. I’ll leave this scripture with you, Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

Just try it! Seek the Lord with your whole heart! Don’t hold anything back and see what He does in your life. Watch Him fill the hole in your soul. Watch Him help you become God-confident and be who you were meant to be!

- Rachel

Questions to Ask Before Starting to Date

In This Episode:

Even before you begin to date, there are some questions you need to ask yourself and then answer which could save you from a lot of pain, heartache and relationship disasters. In this episode, I talk with Dustin about his unrealistic expectations with dating. Then I talk with Blake, who jumped into dating and a physical relationship way too quickly. Lastly, Jessica and I have a conversation about her dating over 150 guys in one year and how she’s needs to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

Unrealistic Expectations

Dustin met a girl on a dating website. Dustin soon realized he has too much going on to date a girl who lives 2 hours away. Plus, he’s not attracted to her but he’s still dating her.

In my conversation with Dustin, it became clear he had unrealistic expectations about what dating could do for him.

  • Dustin should have asked himself am I genuinely attracted to this girl or am I settling for less, just so I can be in a relationship?

If you are dating and realize this person is not the one you want to keep dating then don’t drag it out. Sometimes we attempt to keep the relationship going when we should have ended it. Dustin went into the relationship with high expectations, even though she didn’t meet them, he kept dating her anyway. What a mistake! Dustin is settling for a girl he’s not attracted to, just to be in a relationship.

  • Dustin should also have asked himself, “Do I have enough time and emotional energy to give to the relationship?”

Dustin isn’t in a good place to start a relationship. Why is he even looking for someone right now? He has too much on his plate already. It should be a clue he’s not ready to seriously date. Successful dating relationships take time and can’t be pushed, manipulated, or made into something it’s not. Dustin was trying to force a relationship with her even though she wasn’t the right girl and it wasn’t the right time.

  • Dustin should have asked himself a very direct question: “Am I looking to this girl to make me feel complete?”

Spiritual and Emotional Completeness

No woman is going to make Dustin feel whole for very long. A true spiritual and emotional completeness comes only from a deep relationship with Jesus Christ. His love never fails us. His wisdom is beyond our wildest imagination. His plans for us are always the best. King David, a great king in the Bible said, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.” Psalm 7: 4-5

God knows our desires and knows what we need, who else can helps us like God? We are easily fooled but God is never. If we seek Him with all of our heart, all our other desires will take care of themselves.

Jumped into Dating Way Too Quickly

Blake and his girlfriend jumped into dating way too quickly. It became physical even though neither of them intended it to be.

  • Blake should have asked himself, “Is this relationship spinning out of control?”

Don’t let the powerful feelings of false intimacy, stirred up by the misuse of sex, fool you into thinking you have an awesome relationship. In reality, you don’t! It’s just a matter of time until the whole thing will fall apart. That’s what happened to Blake.

They weren’t even friends and didn’t know how to fix it. Sex was a cloud over their relationship that kept it from growing and led it to be out of control. Don’t let that happen to you!

Epitome of a Relationship Disaster

Jessica blew my mind. Here is a young woman who has dated over 150 guys in one year. She said she’s the epitome of a relationship disaster.

  • Jessica needed to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

She has developed a full-blown addiction to guys. She keeps going with a different guy nearly every night but it doesn’t work. She always comes up empty and yet craving for more. She’s turned guys into a god. There’s no way these guys could ever meet her needs. She’s looking to them to do for her what only God can do.

Don’t ever let someone you are dating turn into a god. Only God can be God. Only God can fill your emptiness. One could date a million guys, still come up empty and still trapped on a carousel of heartbreak. Only Jesus Christ can rescue Jessica from the blinding, cruel carousel. The last thing she needs to do is go after one more guy. She needs a whole new personal healing. She needs to put first things first and get her life out of reverse. Jesus said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

My hope is you will continually ask yourself important questions and be honest with the answers. Be very careful before starting to date because you could end up with scars God never intended you to have. With God’s help, you can develop a healthy, happy dating experience and that is my hope for you.

Resources for Relationships:

  • Check out these stories of hope from people who have struggled in their relationship: Relationship Issues, and My Relationship, Depression and Then Hope
  • Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
  • Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the TheHopeLine Prayer page and check it out.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on how to deal with anger. Everybody struggles with it, you, me and the guy down the street and that’s why God speaks about it so much in the Bible. I had a chance to talk with 3 people: Evie, Donald and Matthew about their anger. I think you will be moved by their honesty but also the serious traps they could fall into if they don’t deal with it.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!

Tired of The Problem?  Try the Solution.

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