This 25 minute film is sure to impact you in some way and is well worth watching. It explores the unseen pain of depression. If you or someone you know struggles with depression or suicidal thinking, parts of this film may be very relatable for you. If you want to grow in compassion for those who struggle, you will receive a valuable perspective.
The film begins with Owen contemplating taking his own life and his grandfather discovering him.
Owen is overwhelmed with hopelessness and sadness. At one point he says, “It’s exhausting. The worst feeling ever. Not being honest about how you’re feeling. And then you feel like you just can’t do it anymore.”
Owen’s grandfather has his own grief he’s still dealing with, but he also has deep wisdom. He explains to Owen, “Whatever you feed will win the fight.” He tells him how you can feed your internal wolf of hope or the wolf of despair. You can believe the lies despair tells you… you have no worth and no one will miss you. Or you can believe the hope you are loved and are worth the fight. Feed the hope!
The way the grandfather tries to help Owen is not perfect. This film is not a case study with step-by-step instructions on how to help someone who is suicidal. The grandfather has his own flaws and hang-ups, but he does involve himself in Owen’s life and attempt in his own way to help Owen. The film gives us a good starting point for talking about suicide and helping those who struggle.
We’d like to begin a discussion here and receive your input. We’d love for you to leave a comment and share your thoughts.
It’s frustrating the grandpa doesn’t ask Owen directly what he is feeling. Why didn’t he ask the question, “Are you thinking about harming yourself?” Research tells us that asking the suicide question isn’t going to make someone more suicidal or make them want to act on it. It actually helps them.
Also, the grandpa should have gotten him formal help in addition to throwing away the pills and telling him to come to lunch with him. It was good the grandfather chooses to stay with Owen, but it is also vital to highlight the importance of seeking help from a hospital, especially in an acute suicidal crisis.
Finally – the whole healing journey is not told here. Formal counseling in addition to informal support from family and friends is an important step in the process.
However, the power of the film stands in the message that you are not alone in your internal feelings of hopelessness. Share them with someone and you may be surprised what they have gone through themselves.
We’d love to keep this discussion going. Here are some questions to get you started:
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We can’t leave this discussion without also sharing there is tremendous hope in knowing that God is with us and has a plan for our lives. This hope gives us something to hold onto even when times are tough, and it helps us combat the lies of despair. We have the assurance that we are not alone, that we have worth and a purpose and that we are deeply loved by our heavenly Father.
For additional information about Unseen and other resources, please go to www.unseenfilm.org
If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. For a list of crisis centers around the world and additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.
I remember many years ago, reading an article about condoms. There was a big debate at the time as to whether condoms would slow down the sexual revolution and really have sex safer. There was a quote from a Catholic priest which I'll never forget. He said, "I'll believe in condoms when they come up with a condom for the heart."
We live in a time when condoms are thrown out into the crowd, telling you if you're going to have sex you simply have to protect yourself. But I have yet to find a condom for the heart. When I say heart, I'm talking about your deepest emotions, the way you look at yourself, and how you feel about the one you love.
I have talked to hundreds of people who cannot erase the regret and pain that has been brought on by having sex with their boyfriend, girlfriend or even a stranger. This is a pain that no condom can ever protect you from.
Everybody is looking for someone who will love them unconditionally. Sex alone will not fill that void. In fact, casual sex will just leave you empty, but wanting more, making the ache deeper and deeper. Julianne says it really well: Why have sex over a feeling that can come and then go. Sure, sex is fun and a thrill, but the heartache and worries are NOT WORTH IT!! Ride a roller-coaster or go on a trip if you need thrill and excitement. [Lovers] come and go, but babies, STDs, and regret stay.
Condoms can't protect you from confusing love for lust. Lucy commented about having sex for the first time at age 13, and the attachment she automatically felt for the guy. She said: When this happened, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I lost something I will never be able to get back. I was so madly in love with this guy, had such low confidence, and was willing to do anything to keep this guy in my life. Having sex was what he wanted, and all he wanted. We did not use a condom, and surprisingly, it was not my biggest regret. I was used, and then dropped. I am still not able to get over this guy. We don't talk anymore. He hates me. Sadly, I'd still do anything to be close with him again. I wasn't ready and now I'm so emotionally attached.
Tragically, Lucy still does not understand she is set up for more hurt if she goes back to this guy. Because, like all of us, she has not found a condom for her heart. She is playing with emotional unprotected sex.
Anthony admits that guys don't have a condom for their heart either: Me and my girlfriend were going out for about a year and a half when we had sex for the first time. Every time after that all she wanted was sex. I didn't want to but I thought I loved her so I gave in. When she thought she was pregnant, things went downhill. Good thing for us she wasn't. When we broke up she thought that I was using her for sex when I never really wanted to.
Condoms also cannot prevent you from feeling cheap. Mandi shares how she carries a lot of the heaviness and shame that came from having sex: I dated a guy who told me he loved me, and how wonderful things would be. He forced me to have sex and then broke up with me. I felt so ashamed for going out with him and didn't understand how he could do that. I felt like it was all my fault. My self-respect was lost. I felt like no guy would ever really love me.
Condoms don't protect your reputation. When Tiffany was 16, she had already had sex with ten different guys. She painfully explains her situation: After the third guy I was really wanting to kill myself because all the guys in my town were calling me the town ho, but I just wanted to get pregnant so someone would love me. Well, I did get pregnant. But after the guy found out he beat me up, and, like he was trying to do, I had a miscarriage.
Too bad Tiffany didn't have a condom to protect her reputation, but there's no such thing.
All of these stories prove a point. Condoms only do what are they are designed to do and that is to help with birth control and protect from STDs. Sometimes they fail even doing that. But they are not designed to protect your heart from being broken with irresponsible and uncommitted sex. Until you find a partner who will stay committed to you for the rest of your life, you will always experience the pain and regret of a heart without a condom.
Please leave a comment if you have a similar story that can help others make wise choices.
Cutting is an addiction that is hard to overcome. There is nothing quite like it. Most cutters would say they don't want to kill themselves, they just like the sight of their blood, and the high it brings. Andi said she's been cutting for a year and a half, even though she doesn't remember why she started:
Hours locked in the bathroom at home, or on the floor of a dirty bathroom stall, the cutter carries her precious tools with her wherever she goes ready at any time to take matters into her own hands. To relieve the emotional pressure and pain she can't describe, she resorts to slicing into her own skin. The dripping blood reminds her she's still alive. No one to talk to, she settles for self-injury. The blade is her fake friend. The shame and the scars, her constant companions. Just trying to find her way through the rocky road of life, she can't help but turn inward. I don't want to be anything but compassionate toward someone caught in the struggle of cutting. But I also want to expose the destructive consequences of cutting.
No one cuts to end up paralyzed in her own emotional pain. But somewhere down the road, that's where she finds herself.
Someone wrote and told me that after the high of cutting wears off, you are left with even more pain. "I quit the cutting because someone once told me the truth, that you only forget about your emotional pain for a moment. It's like a drug you come down from it and you feel much worse than you did before because you have to deal with the emotional pain that comes from cutting on top of whatever emotional pain you were already feeling."
Dara said she cut for two years, but still carries the weight of the emotional pain with her. "A couple of minutes of relief are not worth the months of hiding and uncomfortable situations when people find out."
People who begin cutting are convinced their self-medication works. It is a shattering experience to find out later on, not only does it not work, but it is extremely emotionally destructive.
One has to wonder how many countless hours and strategic ways cutters use to hide their physical scars...permanent reminders of their tragic mistakes. Eddie started cutting when he was twelve. "I thought it was for me to take all my anger and frustrations out on myself, but I noticed the scars it leaves will always remind me of my mistakes."
Sidney is 14 and has been cutting since she was nine. "Those scars are there forever and every time I see them, I'm going to be so sad about why I [cut]."
Not only are you left with scars for the rest of your life, but it's also very possible to get infections from cutting with something that is dirty or not sterile. It is also extremely possible to misjudge the depth of a cut, actually requiring stitches or even hospitalization. You can pass out or even bleed to death. You don't want to die, I'm sure of that. Let's face it, cutting is a scar-giving enemy, who will constantly remind you of a dark past no one would want to repeat or remember.
Most cutters never intend to become addicted to it. Liz said, for her, cutting was worse than drugs because she wanted to do it all the time. You don't care where you are...it's almost like you can't go on without it.
Cutting can easily become a compulsive behavior, meaning the more you do it, the more you feel the need to do it. Your brain starts to connect the false sense of relief with cutting. The next time you feel the pressure building, your brain craves this relief.
The urge to cut can seem too hard to resist. Your attempt to feel a sense of control over your life has ended up controlling you.
JS commented about how all through high school she would try to stop, but then would go back to it shortly after. "Then I would feel horrible when I finished cutting. The highs weren't lasting as long and the crash was even worse. So, I began cutting more, deeper, and more frequently. Being very interested in psychology I knew the chemical reasons, but I was already hooked and couldn't stop."
You know I care about you very much...enough to tell you the truth. But let's get down to it. If you are a cutter, it's time for you step back and take a good look at what you're doing to yourself. It's time to tell yourself the truth. It's also time to figure out how to resist your urge to cut.
Are you addicted to cutting?
If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you or someone you know, needs to read, How to Quit Cutting for Good. It could be a life-changer.
For help with cutting and information about our partner that specializes in self-harm recovery read: 5 Things to Know About Door of Hope