My name is Patrick and this is my story:
All my life no one, my age, ever really liked me. I was that kid that smelled even though most of the time I didn't. Anyway, when I was 14, men started emailing me asking to be my friend; something I never really had. I hesitated at first, then I met one of them. At first, we just sorta hung out, then they started to tell me they need me to give them something. You can guess what that meant.
Wanted to Feel Loved
At the time, I didn't think this was an issue. I felt wanted and I felt loved, something I haven't felt in a while. Now you might ask...were my parents bad or something? They weren't, they were just busy with their careers. After a while, they made me feel like I had to sneak out at night.
Traumatic Brain Injury
When I got into my second year of high school, I found a girlfriend that liked me for who I was. Then, one day I was riding my motorcycle and I fell. I hit my head, and yes, I was wearing a helmet. I went blank for a minute but I was okay, just a scraped hand. I got up and kept riding and a week later. I started getting headaches. I went to the ER and I had a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury).
About another week later was the first time I tried to kill myself.
Asked If I Was Ever Sexually Abused
I stole my family boat and tried to sink it with me inside it...this didn't work. This was the first time I was hospitalized. I was hospitalized two more times before. They asked if I was ever sexually abused and every other time they asked that I said no but then it clicked, and I opened up.
It had never occurred to me that I was abused. I tried to kill myself more times, the other times with pills and jumping off an overpass. Just to give you an update that was the first time my parent found out about the abuse. I had kept it hidden for over 3 years. All in this time, I was cutting and got kicked out of three schools.
Was Hospitalized For PTSD
I was also diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It got so bad, that I went to a residential hospital for nine months. After that, life was so much less stressful and the flashbacks came fewer and the wish to die subsided.
I still suffer from anxiety and depression, but it's manageable, and I am also not on any medication.
Proof You Can Get Through Anything!
I'm proof that if you just take a break from life and work really hard and have a lot of support...you can get through anything!
If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. For a list of crisis centers around the world and additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.
I was sitting in my car in the garage a few hours ago. It was a close one. I’m not sure what made me stop but I’m glad I did. Kind of. All of my issues are still unresolved but for now at least, it was enough to shake me up and help me snap me out of it for the time being.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate, it is hard for me to say this but recently I cam close to killing myself through strangulation. That's how depressed and lost I was when I did this. Somehow I stopped myself and started to sob some more. The bottom line is I felt alone and scared like I had no one to turn to and I found myself so depressed that this happened. The thing is suicide isn't the answer I know this when I am in my right frame of mind at that point I wasn't.
Patrick! Hey I hope you are doing g better! I hope you know that god is there for you and he is walking with you every step of the way. Don’t let this 1 thing break and tear you apart because you are still young. You parents will love and will be able to help you with your situation. Just know that there’s always gonna be a new door to open. There might be some cracks on the way, but don’t let this get in your way because you are a strong man. I will be praying for you and your family! God bless.