147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself


It’s so tragic to hear someone say “I hate myself.” But down deep, many people do. It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. Some people, perhaps even you, are locked in their own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.


Have you ever heard someone say they hate themselves? It might seem like they are just crying out for attention. But many times, it’s a very honest evaluation of how miserable someone feels about himself or herself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic.


Caroline described her self-hatred like this: “For a while I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.”


So why do people hate themselves? We took a poll on my website, and asked what reasons you might have had to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by “I didn’t feel loved,” and then “I failed at a relationship.” Each of these could be their own blogs. But for now, let’s examine what I see to be some of the greatest causes of self-hate.

When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.

 

Life is exhausting - When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It’s easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. 


Betsy wrote: “I hated myself for a while and wished I could just disappear. I felt that I wasn't worth anything and wondered why anyone would want to waste their time on me.”


Sometimes self-hate is nothing more than emotional exhaustion. It’s important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you are rested.


Rejection or Abandonment - Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It’s normal. But it’s difficult. Not everybody is going to love you, or accept you. But it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.


Tom wrote: “I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. I imagined all the worst things, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I’d go crazy.”


Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don’t let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden, like Tom did, will give you great joy. He’s right, it’s not worth going crazy over something you really can’t control.


Thinking bad thoughts about yourself – This is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won’t. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Or fat. Or inadequate. It’s like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.


Mona wrote: “I hate who I’ve become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.”


Why should I hate someone God loves so much? 

The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God’s love for me. I ask myself, “Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face?” He’s the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason. There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn’t that incredible? That person…YOU…is worth loving.


Next week I’m going to give you a list of some practical things you can do when you start to hate yourself. What helps you? Send me a comment and let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.

 

 


Posted 06-18-2010 3:00 AM by Dawson

Comments

Rayven wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-18-2010 8:29 AM |

When I start to hate myself:

I think about people that have it worse and can't change it. If I ever want to change something about myself that's simple, like the size of my nose, I think of someone with a disease/disorder that they can't help. Someone that obviously has it worse than me and then I'm grateful.

Also, to keep my head up, I make sure I tell myself I'm pretty at least once every day. It may sound conceited but you believe and become what you say you are. A lot of it is all in our mind.

cody wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-18-2010 9:18 PM |

ive found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. and the way we think can hurt worse than any words. and when left with nothing but your own thoughts to look at and if those thoughts are negative self hate is born atleast thats what i think. im not saying dont go off and think im saying when those negative thoughts come in replace them with happy things think about how God made you and how he built you the way he wanted you if he wanted you to be that cool kid down the street then you would be

Angie wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-18-2010 9:33 PM |

I struggle with self worth alot, a background of not being good enough to please my parents legalistic rules for being a christian, rape survivor, child from that rape given up for adoption, married to an abusive man, divorced, drugs, loss of children, rebuilding life and back with kids for a couple of years..its very easy to find reasons to believe i am of no value to anyone much less my children or to God..but I am of value because God loves me even if no one else does..sometimes I have to be reminded but what an amazing thing...to know that God loves me anyway..even when i am unlovable.

Carrie wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-18-2010 10:15 PM |

I hate myself for many reasons. If I loose a boyfriend its allways myfault even if he is the one who cheated and the one to break up with me its allways my fault. I don't exactly think I'm ugly but I sure don't think I'm pretty and I'm not fat but I'm never skinny enough. I got mad at myself once for letting myself get stretch marks on my thighs. I punched myself, I slit my wrist a couple of times and I began to judge myself for that also. I'm never not judging myself.

Ingrid wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-19-2010 11:09 AM |

I hate myself for more reason then one. I have had a weight problem mist of my life and I always see people that have these great bodies and I don't have one. Things got worse when I went on disabilty from work and mid Aug it will be a year.  I try to look at the positve side of things. I have to physically push myself to the gym and just zone out and hopes that thins look up

Jennifer wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-19-2010 11:21 PM |

The experiences I have been through in life have made me hate myself. I wish I could be a completely different being of existence, with a different personality and new name, someone who hasn't made all the mistakes I have and can't go back and fix them now.

bethan wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-20-2010 9:59 PM |

yeah i have hated myself alot it kills me because i hate myself when i make mistakes with guys or friends just everything pritty much hated life i still do soemtimes now when im down but its ok

Janel wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-20-2010 10:00 PM |

I Still Hate MyseIf People Say Am Fat,And Ugly And I Let That Take Control Of Me!Sometimes I Wish I Just Disapear!

carrie wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-20-2010 10:36 PM |

i hate myself i think so much bad about my self i look around & i instentley think ppl r talking bad about me & im only 14 i dont want it to b like this i wish i wasnt like this but i hate pretty much everthing about myself

Renae wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-20-2010 10:39 PM |

I truely hate myself. I hate myself because i don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I hate myself because no matter what i do , i always end up messing up something good for myself. I hate myself because everytime someone asks me "what are you good at?" i say "i dont know" because i'm not good at anything. I hate myself because terrible things has happened in my life in the past couple of years and i cant do anything about it. I hate myself because i feel like i have personality disorder. I wonder why i do the things i do , i cant figure it out. I feel like two totally different people sometimes. I hate myself , because i'm fighting against myself , and i continue to hurt the man who loves me dearly. WHY?

Lester wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-20-2010 11:09 PM |

I still hate myself. I wonder whats wrong with me and ask myself why do i not have any friends? Im 20 and i have never  had a girlfriend let alone hug or kiss one a girl. I ask myself what is wrong with me? Is it cause im fat? something wrong with my face? And not having friends does not help the situation. It has caused me to worry what others think of me and had caused me doubt that i can achieve something. Hopefully i will find it in my heat to not believe these things and maybe i will find a solution to being able to find people that I can hang out with and get to know.

no name please wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-21-2010 7:50 AM |

I hated myself for a while because I liked a guy and he didn't like me. I just wondered what is wrong with me? Why am I not good enough?? I still have those feelings occasionally but it is getting a little better.

KellyDawnFree09 wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-21-2010 2:46 PM |

I do truly hate myself sometimes but then I remember that I had people that loved me and I have people that love me. It's all about how I feel that day. I am not afraid to say that at one point I hated myself so much I was ready to kill myself and would have succeded if it hadn't been for someone showing that they love me. I just wish it had come before I started cutting myself.

Sunnie Dee wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-21-2010 6:51 PM |

Personally, i have never liked myself, and have been diagnosed with clinical depression.  However i find that lucky, because according to a 2009 study, an estimated 70 percent of teens in the US undiagnosed and don’t receive any form of treatment. Without treatment, a depressed teen may turn to alcohol or drugs to escape their feelings of helplessness or to help them feel ‘normal.’   Never have i turned to drugs or alcohol, however i self mutilated, and inflicted so much pain on myself i attempted suicide more than once.  Honestly, i still harm myself.  But i don't know how to stop.  This is an addiction.  And i need help too.

Lexii wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-21-2010 6:55 PM |

I dont think i can remember a time when i didnt hate myself. Ive always thought it was my fault it somone didnt like me or if something happened. Someone could say something 2 years ago and when i get upset enough i use to attack myself. It could be the littlest things but those are what mattered the most when i was tearing myself apart.

Tiffany M wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-21-2010 8:03 PM |

When I start to hate myself I say I hate everyone around me and dont' care anymore. I wonder what is wrong with me am I better off dead. I usually end up cutting myself to make myself feel better but then I end up hurting worst.

April L. wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-23-2010 9:21 AM |

Honestly I hate myself constantly. My dad's wife helps with this. I can't say anything at the dinner table without getting a dirty look from her. It's hard to be myself when she pushes my to change. She hates who I am, it makes me hate who I am. I wish I could change, but it's who I want to be. I can't even walk around in my house with my head held high. I'm always in my room alone, and while everyone thinks I'm texting or socializing- I have no one to talk to, so I read my Bible. God loves us all no matter what's in our past. Hatred is a sin. Suicide is a sin.. So is homosexuality. I should be burnt to death for this wickedness, but instead I beat myself.

Lennox W. wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-23-2010 11:19 AM |

I know this isnt a suggestion but I just wanted to say this is excatly what I feel everyday thanks for posting this article.

Monica Vidoni wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-23-2010 9:32 PM |

I still h8 myself becuase my dad abuses me n people h8 me bacuse i have ADD

Musicgirl wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-24-2010 5:53 AM |

Hey Dawson, I know this doesn't have anything to do with what you are blogging on now, but I have a problem. What do you do when it looks as if your friend and his girlfriend are  sneaking around? What are the signs that something is going on that shouldn't be? Do I confront him and if so how?

Caroline wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-24-2010 7:14 PM |

I hate myself sometimes still, but I have to remember to move on and that live will get better. It might not be as soon as I want, but it always does get better

empty blue eyes wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-27-2010 9:36 PM |

I have hated myself my whole life.... I was in many foster homes and group homes and i have been told my whole life that things are my fault and that i am worst less and stupid. so i guess at a point i just started be leaving it.. So some thing will take a long time to solve.

fany11 wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-28-2010 12:10 PM |

i dont know wut i feel , its either i hate myself or i hate my life and sometimes i feel both anything that actually helps is talking about it with someone u really really trust but sometimes its just plain hard to find that person

lupita wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-28-2010 8:32 PM |

sometimes i feel like i hate my self deep inside like wen i do something wrong and everybody tell me i feel like im doing everything wrong i need help with my self esteem...its so hard to be happy wen everybody tells me you never do anything right"(they dnt realize they hurt me i need help?!?!

Anonymous wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 07-04-2010 7:51 PM |

For a while I felt really bad about myself because I'm 20 and have never been kissed let alone been taken on a date.  But the more I've thought about it (and the more I've looked around) I've realized that I'm not alone in this category and maybe I'm meant to be single for a while longer.  Some days I still wonder why no one is interested but overall I've realized that there is someone out there right now waiting for me and I just need to find him too!

Anonymous wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 07-04-2010 9:21 PM |

Well, to be honest i don't exactly hate myself, so much as seeing lack of worth. Don't get me wrong, i'm good at plenty of things.....that don't matter and can't help anyone right now. As above, i'm practically an untouched being (although a couple of years younger). Moreover, everyone around me seems to have so much "fun" with drugs, drunkenness, and activities of the like. I oppose such things, and as I've come to see it, i'm the only one avoiding them. Everyone who i thought was safely avoiding such things, are slipping through the cracks. I can't help them, I want to, but nobody listens. I just don't see much for me do do except sit around and be everyone's punching bag, which does nothing except hurt me.

ALEX wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 07-19-2010 9:17 PM |

this was just what i needed to hear. ihated myself because i couldnt find a guy who just loved me for me. so i started changing my appearences but i relized it didnt work i need to love myself for who i am

Amber Smith wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 07-31-2010 2:10 AM |

i hate myself because now all the girls say you have to be skinny and im not exactly skinny but im not fat either and im a late bloomer i just hate my body mostly

leo wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 08-01-2010 9:51 PM |

when i say i hate myself it because life is too hard for me and i can not take the pain

sandra wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 08-08-2010 7:52 PM |

i hate myself because i try to be someone im not. and constantly feel like im being judged on every part of me. always. and i hate myself because i feel that. because im ugly

blank wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 08-16-2010 12:27 AM |

ok whell about2 years ago my parents started to have a custidy war over me and my little sister. i hate my self becuase now live with my dad who never thinks im good at anythink only becuase my sister gets perfect grades and freiends she has control on her wait and i dont. i also have never been on a date or even kissed a boy or anything and i have only ever founnd 1 person who liked me for exactlly who i was but he lives by my mom about 2 hours away and we never see each other.i just miss being good at thing as far as other ppl think and i miss my bffs my mom my life self esteme and my best freiend i like alot.

Ruthie wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 08-30-2010 7:09 PM |

i have a hard time loving myself. i spend hours fantasizing about what i want to look like, and for a while i'm happy... and then i come back down to earth and i think, "oh yeah... i look like this...." and then i sink back into depression and loneliness and everything. mostly though, i hate myself on the inside. i hate how i'm so selfish and self absorbed and how in the end i only really care about myself. i hate myself. i used to consider suicide, but i believe that i'm going to go to hell, so i'm too scared.

e.c wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 09-24-2010 9:40 AM |

whenever you do "hate yourself" then loyke write down the reasons of why you think or say this and then think of ALL the people around you and ALL the people who love you no one is truly alone in this world and when it seems like you are remember you always have God on your side ( i am sorry if i offend anyone who doesn't beleive in God)( i truly am)

E.c wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 09-24-2010 9:46 AM |

when do feel lyke you hate yourself sit down and write out all the reasons why and then remember ALL the people around you who love you and care for you. No one in this world is truly alone, and when you feel lyke you are remember God loves you and is alwayz on your side. . . . . no matter who you are, or where you are He loves you!!!!!

rainbowlove wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 09-26-2010 7:37 PM |

I've been thinking about me lately. I have gone through the stage of suicidal thoughts, but they haven't gotten to deep. Now I'm just beginning to think, I'm not special, or important, and that I'm wasting my life here on earth, and I shouldn't be here. Even thought I know it's not true it's getting harder and harder to believe it. My friends and my boyfriend tell me that I am special and all, but I think they might just be saying that to make me feel better. I know they really do care about me, but I'm just confused.

Kailey Bowden wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 10-01-2010 8:57 PM |

you should never hate your self because god had put you on this earth for a resson find that  resson and do what is right

HOPE & BELIEVE wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 10-17-2010 10:23 PM |

I have a friend who hates himself, and I know some of the deep reasons for feeling that way.  There is so much good inside, people just have to search for it and truly surrounding yourself with positive people helps a lot.  The responses above are really good.  It really seems like a lot of people have hit it on the spot.   Don't let society define who you are.  A lot of it is pollution

Depressed wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 11-01-2010 7:28 PM |

When I look in the mirror, I hate myself. So I cut.

melisa16smith wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 11-15-2010 8:07 PM |

i seriouslyhate the way i look im not pretty in anyway to me except my nails im always deppressed 24/7

anastacia wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 01-22-2011 10:45 AM |

In the past when i hated myself i have cut, starved myself, purged, locked myself in my room.

Now i try to pray to God about it. And talk to a friend.

i geuss madi wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 01-23-2011 4:43 PM |

i am fat even though some disagree i still believe it.im thinking of going annorexic for real.ive tried but i just give up but now i really think i will

crushed4us wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 01-25-2011 8:43 AM |

I used to cut myself when I started hating myself and I would want to withdraw from everyone. Now its hard because sometimes I still struggle with that, but I try to pray and lean on Him to get me through it, and show me how much he loves me...for who I am, not for what I've done.

Twilightx333 wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 01-27-2011 3:44 PM |

I cut wen I hate myself... I also punish myself by starving myself..

Olivia wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 02-02-2011 10:13 AM |

I'm a year 12 old girl, in grade 7. I'm known as '' The Cutter '' at my school. I told a few of my '' friends '' that I cut myself becasue of my past. My parents are divoced, and I blame that on me. When I was Five or Six my cousin raped me, and my brother helped. I don't have many freinds and I  used to get  beat up everyday. My mom drinks and abuses me whenever I visit her. I told a few people, and then everyone knew I cut. Now my dad said he's going to put me in some nut house. I miss alot of school becasue I claim I'm '' sick ''. The trith is, I don't want to deal with all the rude people at my school. I want a true friend. Who understands me. Who will me there. That will give me advice when I need it. And let me do the same for them. Is that to much to ask? Well for everyone ... it is.

goingreen wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 02-05-2011 1:46 PM |

Dawson, please help me out. Sometimes I feel worthless. I'll hate the hate the way I look, my personality, etc. I don't even like looking at the mirror sometimes. My face is covered with acne and my voice is deeper than most girls. I also don't have any friends at school. I have 1 true friend who used to go to my school, but she moved. We still keep in contact though. Other than her? Nobody. I listen to your show whenever I can, and I need some advice.

Whitney Moore wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 02-10-2011 9:15 PM |

I constantly beat myself up because I have to be perfect.  I continue to push for my kids, if it weren't for them I don't know what I would do. If I go on the outside looking in it seems my life is perfect.  But if people only knew what agonizing self destructive thoughts and issues I actually have.  So I put on a smile and fake the outgoing persona when really I am just dying inside.

Ggurl2397 wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 02-27-2011 10:11 PM |

My name is lauren roberge i am 13 and my birthday is coming in may. I hate myself for things a 13 year old shouldnt hate themselves for but i cant get past it. My mom has a broken ankle and she just went through a big surgery and the other day i told her to get off her lazy a** and clean the kitchen herself. I am a total bully to my best friend because of what i think of myself. I sometimes literally beat up on myself because i thought it would let my feelings out. My friend literally beat me up in school one day because i called myself fat. My parents told me to talk to them but i dont know what i could say. I hate myself and i dont know what to do.

Tallyn wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 05-19-2011 4:30 PM |

God doesn't **** exist.

If he did, people wouldn't get in these ridiculous situations.

We are proof that there is no god.  Why bother with him?

Michelle wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 05-28-2011 2:07 PM |

I hate the situation I am in....I am struggling with self confidence...I was injured on my job and it took the insurance co. 2 years to approve my back surgery....I have little education as I was at that job for 9 years....I want my life back but it seems I have fallen into such a deep depression and I dont know how to get out it....taking medication but thats not the answer the meds don't work....I havent been released to go back to work and my job doesnt want me back cuz I had to file a workers comp claim..what did they expect I got hit with a forklift and it fractured my disc in my back...I am waiting to get another surgery I feel like I have lost myself...I cant even start school until this workers comp thing is over....to top it off the insurance company only has to pay me for 104 weeks according to the law in CA...so I am broke and I want a new beginning in life....I hate myself that all this is happening I been trying to have faith but it is so hard....

sad and depressed wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 06-05-2011 1:50 PM |

I hate myself for several reasons, but one huge regret that i have is that i had the perfect opportunity to better my life in college and i p***ed it away. I let the opinions of others determine my life's direction and now I am stuck in a situation that i feel i can not be delivered from. At an early age i have often felt depressed and strong feelings of anxiety generally brought on by what may be small things to others while big deals to me. I feel like i have no one to talk to or to share my feelings with because no one in my family or close circle of friends would understand. I feel like everything i do is wrong, i can't do anything right. I refuse to try new things (which triggers my anxiety) because if i feel that i can not do something right the first time, then it's not worth my effort. Making mistakes make me feel ignorant and worthless and that everyone else is more valuable than me. There's more that i could type but i'll leave it here for now. Im glad that i found a site where i can let others know how i feel while remaining anonymous. I just wish i could stop feeling this pain.

smiley9639 wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 07-07-2011 12:18 AM |

I am VERY depressed. I simply just hate who I am. I wish I could be someone I'm not... someone EVERYBODY would like. I feel ugly, stupid, and fat. I am practically not eating so I can loose weight. I just want to be like I was when I was a child...

lilmissmama wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 09-10-2011 5:59 PM |

I have dealt with depression since I was very young. Its a hard thing to cope with alot of the time. When I was in middle school I contemplated suicide because I just didn't think I mattered. I thank God everyday for helping me to make the decision to persevere. I now am 19 years old Andrew?  have a beautiful baby boy and know that if to noone else, i matter to him. I still deal with self image problems but I know in time I will conquer those problems. This blog helped me to see again (after losing track of it over the years) that I am someone, even without a man, and being a single parent. I hope that this touches someone else's heart. You are never alone. God bless you

uglyguilty30 wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 04-17-2012 9:30 PM |

Self hatred

Looking in the mirror it's me that i hate

Pray that i die at a very fast rate.

Strike me dow Dear Lord i pray

Take my hopes and dreams away.

Hoping and praying for deadly cancer

Self destruction is the answer.

Why God did You create me?

A filthy *** is all i see.

Hate my filthy white face

For me there is just no grace.

In my heart there is no peace

All my sorrows increase

To the razor i always go

Slice watch my blood flow.

Me I'll never forgive

i am not fit to live.

Looking in the mirror it's me that i hate

Pray that i die at a very fast rate.

Marie.Ope wrote re: 147. What To Do When You Hate Yourself
on 05-07-2012 11:15 PM |

When i start to hate myself i think of god whispering in my ear saying everything i crave to hear from ppl who i need to hear it from.. like him saying im worth it. im not worthless and i am loved with his whole heart. im here for a reason and loads of other things. i also think of someone who i hold very dear to my heart and imagine her holding me as i tell her whatevers bugging me and her not puuting me down or insulting me and her making me feel warm and safe inside of hard and cold as i normally feel.