Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?
It’s so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. Some people, perhaps even you, are locked in their own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.
Can You Relate To Caroline?
Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.
Caroline described her self-hatred like this: I hated myself because I thought I wasn’t good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.
So why do people hate themselves?
We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn’t feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.
For now, let’s examine what I see to be some of the greatest causes of self-hate.
Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen
When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It’s easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.
When bad things happen, we blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred. Click To TweetSometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It’s important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.
Rejection or Abandonment
Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It’s normal. But it’s difficult. Not everybody is going to love you, or accept you.
But it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.
Not everybody is going to love you, or accept you. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. Click To TweetTom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I’d go crazy.
Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don’t let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He’s right, it’s not worth going crazy over something you really can’t control.
Negative Self-Talk
Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won’t. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It’s like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.
Mona wrote: I hate who I’ve become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I’ve come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.
So what can you do to feel better about yourself?
The Fight Against Self-Hate
The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God’s love for me.
I ask myself, “Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He’s the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason.” There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn’t that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.
There's no one else in the whole world who's just like you or me. That person, YOU, is worth loving. Click To TweetSo how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.
Your Friend,
I hate myself. I really do. I always brake rules and try to fit in but it never works. At my school we are not allowed to play tag but I do anyway. I was playing freeze tag one day and I thought someone was frozen so I said are you frozen? He said no (probably because he didn’t want me to touch him). Then somebody else came and asked the same question as me and she untaged him and he was fine. That is not the only reason I hate myself. I also do because my mom expects more from me but I’m very young and she yells at me sometimes and it makes my heart break because I love her more than she loves me. There is was more reasons too but I can not say. I want to kill myself but I am scared to because I don’t want to hurt myself and also I want to go to heaven. My dad died when I was 4 so I don’t remember anything and I miss him so if I kill myself I won’t be able to see him again because he is in heaven and I would be in hell. Please help I really hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you’re feeling better. My mom always yelled at me too when i was younger and she still does lol! You get to live a whole life away from your mom one day. Don’t give up, do your best and make your dad smile up there! Then you’ll be able to smile together in heaven!
Hey, I hope you are feeling better. When I was a kid my dad used to yell at me a lot, and I felt a bit like you do. As I got older I realised that a lot of the time when he yelled it was because he was worried about me doing something that would hurt or damage my chances later. As a kid I felt like he was angry a lot, but later I realised it was because a lot of the time he was scared for me. Now I’m an adult and have little kids of my own. Sometimes I see them doing something dangerous or dumb that they don’t realise is bad for them, and I yell at them, because I’m scared of them getting hurt – plus it is stressful having to work a job to provide them food, clothes, as good a life as I can. Your mum thought she would raise a family with your dad but lost him, and things are probably pretty tough for her. It’s more than likely that your mum loves you very much and is doing her best to keep you safe and give you the best life she can, and just gets scared for you sometimes and stressed that she can’t give you more – I hope that is true, anyway. Stay strong, hang in there, life can be hard but also very rewarding and there are incredible things out there waiting for you to discover them.
i hate myself to because i always put people who says they want to be my friend but then they go behind my back and i fell the same way. and tat is what happen to me once.
I hate myself. I loathe myself. I absolutely despise myself. Nobody ever likes me, or ever will. No amount of being told I’m important does anything. I want to just stop burdening people with my existence and stop seeing myself in the mirror. I’m not cool, or popular, or good at anything. There is no point to me existing. I absolutely hate myself. I will never be enough. Everyone will always be better than me. I wish I could be cool and confident, but I can’t. I am the most stupid fat ugly person on the planet. I hate myself.
I have responded to these types of posts before, to be clear it’s ok to hate yourself, as both love and hate live in us, on and within a spectrum. No matter what, you are a person with thoughts and feelings and as long as you know that you don’t particularly care, or hate yourself (whatever it is you stand for), you adapt your lifestyle to these normal self hatred characteristics instead of force changing who you are for something else that is not an inherent part of your core makeup.
To be clear, I hate myself-and always have, and I recognized it, and as such, I have been able to carve out a great life for myself through understanding this internal core hatred matrix makeup, and instead of denying it, and it being a negative for me, I have leveraged this self-dislike or hatred of myself to my advantage. By simply understanding this concept about yourself, you can too move ahead being content and ok with hating yourself, it’s not that big a deal, just keep it on the love-hate spectrum and you will be fine.
Cheers
I think I suck and I’m a miss take and I’m a waste of space in the world and I’m 11 years old I need help with a lot like moving and where and when.
Judah, You are valuable and you matter in this world. Don’t give up. We are here to listen and help you through this. We believe in you. We have a partner that you can help you through this. We are emailing you with some information to help you so please check your email. If you need someone to talk to right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or chat online with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/. You can reach the Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting “START” to 741-741 too.
Here is a list of additional suicide prevention resources https://www.thehopeline.com/suicide-prevention-resources.
You’re just a kid, 11 years old is way way to young to hate yourself, u have your whole life ahead of you
These feelings have no age minimum. I wanted to commit suicide when I was 8 years old. No amount of saying “you have your whole life ahead of you” is going to change a mental health disorder like depression.
I’m going through a hard time and I think I’m a misfit and a mistake
I am coming out of a oppressive occult cult online I was forced to join n need my Lord Gods forgiveness and hope n guidance n protection for me n my family
Brooke, You have been through much.you are not alone. Would you be open to online chat with a HopeCoach tonight? To chat click on the “GetHelp” button or go to http://www.thehopeline.com They will listen and pray with you. We are praying for protection for you and your family. We emailed you with some resources that may help you too. So please check your email.
I have felt like I was not loved by my family but I now know that is not true because of this article and I try to remember that I am a important part of someone’s life (especially my family’s life) I now know that I can cry and just let out my emotions. It always helps then sometimes I say to my mom,” I feel like everyone hates me that is why I’m always so sad and my emotions get triggered so easily.” So I think it helps to talk to someone so they can help you. So now I know that I am a important piece to someone’s life and that I am great just the way I am! From😭 To 🙂. That is how much this article helped me I also hope it helped you as well(I am actually in elementary school crazy right?)
I feel like I’m ugly and that no one wants to be around me and it’s really depressing also I’m struggling with my sexuality it’s really hard. sometimes and I have wanted to hurt myself I won’t go into detail… so I have talked to my youth pastor and he encourages me to tell my parents but I still haven’t… please help!
Amelie, You are not alone in what you are feeling. We are here to listen and help you through this. We are glad you talked to your youth pastor. He was right to encourage you to talk to your parents. We do understand the difficulty to do this. If you are self-harming we have a partner that can help you with this at https://www.thehopeline.com/partners/door-of-hope-4-teens/ They have recovery coaches that you can text for help with self-injury. Also, would you be open to chat online with one of our HopeCoaches? It will help to continue talking about what you’re going through. To Chat online go to https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
Sometimes when I get yelled at I feel like I’m not worth living or I’m not good enough for my family and I’m scared to open up about and I have never gone to my school concler even though I know he can help me so I just try to think about God and me knowing that he lov s me even though I’m not the best or normal. This article helped me understand my self worth.
hey, my name is chase, I’m not allowed to share my name with you, but… I think your article might actully help me, i am in school so i might get callt (i forgot how to spell it) so lets just hope i don’t get callt, and thank you, for the article, i think it might help me. so ya. thanks for the article that you put out there. it might help me (999,999,999,999 % help me…) thanks. bye now.
Good I’m going through a hard time to in school but I think I suck wich is better in my eyes