Why Do You Hate Yourself?

Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?

It's so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. When you hate your life and yourself, it feels like you're in your own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.

Can You Relate to Caroline?

Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real.  You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.

Caroline described her self-hatred like this:  I hated myself because I thought I wasn't good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.

So why do people hate themselves?

We took a poll and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn't feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.

Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen

When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.

Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It's important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.

Rejection or Abandonment

Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It's normal. But it's difficult. Not everybody is going to love you or accept you.
But it doesn't mean you're a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.

Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I'd go crazy.

Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don't let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden like Tom did, will give you great joy. He's right, it's not worth going crazy over something you really can't control.

Negative Self-Talk

Thinking poorly about yourself is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won't. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It's like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.

Mona wrote: I hate who I've become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I've come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.

The Fight Against Self-Hate

The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others, to the point of depression and suicidal thoughts. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God's love for me.

I ask myself, "Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He's the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason." There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn't that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.

So how do you climb out of the dark hole of self-hate? Check out 5 Things to Think or Do When You Hate Yourself.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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810 comments on “Why Do You Hate Yourself?”

  1. I hate myself. I really do. I always brake rules and try to fit in but it never works. At my school we are not allowed to play tag but I do anyway. I was playing freeze tag one day and I thought someone was frozen so I said are you frozen? He said no (probably because he didn’t want me to touch him). Then somebody else came and asked the same question as me and she untaged him and he was fine. That is not the only reason I hate myself. I also do because my mom expects more from me but I’m very young and she yells at me sometimes and it makes my heart break because I love her more than she loves me. There is was more reasons too but I can not say. I want to kill myself but I am scared to because I don’t want to hurt myself and also I want to go to heaven. My dad died when I was 4 so I don’t remember anything and I miss him so if I kill myself I won’t be able to see him again because he is in heaven and I would be in hell. Please help I really hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. I hope you're feeling better. My mom always yelled at me too when i was younger and she still does lol! You get to live a whole life away from your mom one day. Don't give up, do your best and make your dad smile up there! Then you'll be able to smile together in heaven!

    2. Hey, I hope you are feeling better. When I was a kid my dad used to yell at me a lot, and I felt a bit like you do. As I got older I realised that a lot of the time when he yelled it was because he was worried about me doing something that would hurt or damage my chances later. As a kid I felt like he was angry a lot, but later I realised it was because a lot of the time he was scared for me. Now I'm an adult and have little kids of my own. Sometimes I see them doing something dangerous or dumb that they don't realise is bad for them, and I yell at them, because I'm scared of them getting hurt - plus it is stressful having to work a job to provide them food, clothes, as good a life as I can. Your mum thought she would raise a family with your dad but lost him, and things are probably pretty tough for her. It's more than likely that your mum loves you very much and is doing her best to keep you safe and give you the best life she can, and just gets scared for you sometimes and stressed that she can't give you more - I hope that is true, anyway. Stay strong, hang in there, life can be hard but also very rewarding and there are incredible things out there waiting for you to discover them.

    3. i hate myself to because i always put people who says they want to be my friend but then they go behind my back and i fell the same way. and tat is what happen to me once.

  2. I hate myself. I loathe myself. I absolutely despise myself. Nobody ever likes me, or ever will. No amount of being told I'm important does anything. I want to just stop burdening people with my existence and stop seeing myself in the mirror. I'm not cool, or popular, or good at anything. There is no point to me existing. I absolutely hate myself. I will never be enough. Everyone will always be better than me. I wish I could be cool and confident, but I can't. I am the most stupid fat ugly person on the planet. I hate myself.

    1. I have responded to these types of posts before, to be clear it’s ok to hate yourself, as both love and hate live in us, on and within a spectrum. No matter what, you are a person with thoughts and feelings and as long as you know that you don’t particularly care, or hate yourself (whatever it is you stand for), you adapt your lifestyle to these normal self hatred characteristics instead of force changing who you are for something else that is not an inherent part of your core makeup.
      To be clear, I hate myself-and always have, and I recognized it, and as such, I have been able to carve out a great life for myself through understanding this internal core hatred matrix makeup, and instead of denying it, and it being a negative for me, I have leveraged this self-dislike or hatred of myself to my advantage. By simply understanding this concept about yourself, you can too move ahead being content and ok with hating yourself, it’s not that big a deal, just keep it on the love-hate spectrum and you will be fine.

  3. I think I suck and I’m a miss take and I’m a waste of space in the world and I’m 11 years old I need help with a lot like moving and where and when.

    1. Judah, You are valuable and you matter in this world. Don’t give up. We are here to listen and help you through this. We believe in you. We have a partner that you can help you through this. We are emailing you with some information to help you so please check your email. If you need someone to talk to right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or chat online with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/. You can reach the Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting “START” to 741-741 too.
      Here is a list of additional suicide prevention resources https://www.thehopeline.com/suicide-prevention-resources.

      1. These feelings have no age minimum. I wanted to commit suicide when I was 8 years old. No amount of saying "you have your whole life ahead of you" is going to change a mental health disorder like depression.

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