Do You Truly Hate Yourself?
Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, “I hate myself, I’m no good, I’m so stupid, or I’m worthless.”
The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it’s easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.
So what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?
1) Decide what you want to change about yourself
Nobody can make you love you other than you! It’s your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you’ve been thinking, and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It’s often been said, “If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better.”
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5 Amazing Reasons Why You Matter
Confessions of a Dyslexic Pretty Girl
‘Identity’: A Chat with Christian Recording Artist Colton Dixon
Cody wrote: I’ve found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self hate is born. It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you’re feeling better about yourself.
If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.
2) Figure out what you CAN change and do it!
IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don’t like your weight you can start eating properly, and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You’ll be amazed how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.
Don’t obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change, and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don’t get stuck in that trap!
3) Build up your self-esteem
Make a list of your 10 best qualities.
Can’t think of 10? There are more than you think, but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.
Then add to the list.
Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.
Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive. Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can’t please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.
Decide that you will never say the words, “I Hate Myself” ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.
4) Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred
You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life…things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don’t.
Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.
So if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.
Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day…maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn’t have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.
5) Remember God loves you
The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God’s love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you’ll feel much better about your life.
God made you very unique. And it’s this uniqueness that makes you special.
Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!
Angie wrote: It’s very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does. As you start believing in yourself more, you’ll have more good days than bad. It’s easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!
Don’t stay in that place of self-hate, it’s going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it’s possible. Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: What to Do When Your Hate Yourself.
And check out this guest blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.
Thank you for caring for people who are suffering. I am suffering. It’s late and I am in a dark place. Thank you for being kind enough to have this.
Unless you are transgender than that so called love god dont love u
Kasey, We are sorry you feel this way. It may not feel like it however we want you to know that God had a genuine love and compassion for you.
sometimes, i hate my self too much. thank you for this article. good for me, good for everyone.
Not being appreciated and grateful for whatever you do
I’m always unhappy
Sometimes its easier to just curl up and go watch anime
\.’_’./
i agree with you:)
I can’t do something right for once. I hate myself. I hate me. I want to die and there is nothing that can change that. God loves me and I know that but i don’t love me
Feel the same way too
If God has told you He loves you that means you should not feel less or down because the King of the whole world says you are good, you are enough. He says that even though it feels like you’re not doing well enough you are still so loved in your eyes. Often we struggle to block out the voices of people who put us down but I think what you should do is block out the voices in your head that are trying to put you down. TRUST ME KF GOD SAYS YOURE ENOUGH THEN THERE IS NOTHING YOU SHOULD WORRY ABOUT. Keep your head up and stay strong, I know you will see God’s love for you come alive! Ily!!
You know the thing is about number 5, god isn’t real so technically nobody loves or even cares about me
Thank you. I’m sick of being the only one.
Well each day I just feel awful like I can’t stand myself like the way I look I hate so much and I can never seem to get that out of my head I just think I am ugly and I will always think that I try different things to make myself feel that little bit better but even if I feel that slight bit if happiness the dark thoughts come back and never really go away and the way I think about myself affects the way I live because I have no confidence in me and I find it hard to face people ect then when I have appointments to go too that are stressful I spend most of that time feeling absolutely terrible.. I don’t even know what to do anymore I just keep thinking to myself I would be better off dead. I don’t really want to die I just want this pain to go away because it’s distroying my life and it’s making it difficult for me to live happily I just hate sometimes when people say to me that it will go away if I try and stop thinking that way but I have tried so many times and different methods yet I still feel and think the same way.
I was told once, after similar self-demeaning statements, that “You would never talk about anyone else in the world like that, why do you allow yourself to speak that way to yourself.”. I am also suffering now, but the best way to help yourself is to make a positivity journal, start with just three entries. Today I didn’t have many: 1) I ate something, 2) I did a bit of work, 3) I am sitting with the lights on. The way I am is that if someone else says something nice about me, I won’t believe it. You have to say it yourself. Hopefully tomorrow, my #1 will be that I helped someone online.
1. Decide what I want to change about myself? …I don’t want to exist.
2. How to change that? …Well that’s pretty obvious.
3. Build up my self esteem? …Yes I have qualities, but it doesn’t stop me hating myself.
4. Use gratitude?! …I am very grateful for everything I don’t deserve.
5. God loves me?! …I don’t believe in any god.
Why did I bother to write this? …Because I’m stuck here and have no other outlet. I stayed for my parents. Fell in love and stayed for him. I gave him a child he wanted who is such a gift, now he is my main reason to stay. I can’t mess up his life by being so selfish, so I’m stuck here. I don’t deserve this child. I hate me. This is so tiring though, I don’t know how much longer I can deal. I’m weak. This is the only time I’ll whine, I won’t do it again, I’m sorry. I’m always sorry.
Mel, Please know it is okay to not be okay. It’s important to talk about how you are feeling. Being weak is not a bad thing. It means you need support and help to get through your struggles. We understand you do not believe in God and we never ever want to push you in to believing in God. We sincerely care about you and want to help you were you are at. Your life is valuable and you matter. You are more amazing than you think and you do have a purpose here on this earth. Please chat online with one of our HopeCoaches or sign up for an email mentor to work through you feelings of self hate: https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ Never give up on yourself…ever…keep fighting!
This resonated with me because you described my entire life. I’m terribly afraid that one day the child won’t be enough of a reason. He gave me such hope and renewed purpose in the beginning, but it’s starting to wane.
I don’t have any kids, but I feel exactly the same way. It sucks