Do You Truly Hate Yourself?
Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, “I hate myself, I’m no good, I’m so stupid, or I’m worthless.”
The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it’s easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.
So what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?
Decide what you want to change about yourself
Nobody can make you love you other than you! It’s your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you’ve been thinking, and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It’s often been said, “If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better.”
Cody wrote: I‘ve found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.
It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you’re feeling better about yourself.
If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.
It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. #hateyourself Click To TweetFigure out what you CAN change and do it!
IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don’t like your weight you can start eating properly and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You’ll be amazed by how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.
Don’t obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change, and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don’t get stuck in that trap!
Build up your self-esteem
Make a list of your 10 best qualities:
Can’t think of 10? There are more than you think, but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.
Then add to the list.
Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.
Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.
Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can’t please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go to new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.
Decide that you will never say the words, “I Hate Myself” ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.
Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred
You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life…things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don’t.
Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.
So if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.
Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day…maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn’t have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.
Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel #grateful for that day. Click To TweetRemember God loves you
The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God’s love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you’ll feel much better about your life.
God made you very unique. And it’s this uniqueness that makes you special.
Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!
Angie wrote: It’s very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.
As you start believing in yourself more, you’ll have more good days than bad. It’s easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!
Don’t stay in that place of self-hate, it’s going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it’s possible. Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: Why Do You Hate Yourself.
And check out this blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.
Your Friend,
For more help with self-hate, download our free eBook, Understanding Self-Worth.
This all makes no sense since god doesn’t exist.
Even if he did…
“Remember God loves you… unless you dare not return that love, then he’ll torment you forever because you didn’t bow down and worship.”
How is it that I’ve never heard anyone consider that God did not create every one… would it not make more sense in the battle of good and evil, heaven and hell, Lucifer and God, that Lucifer has his humans created as his pawns… in his image??? Thus: many of us that have hated our selves for our lives could very well be not created in Gods image, and God does not love us, because we could be created to be on the other team???
The only reason I hate myself is I was born SHORT and UGLY. Why did GOD make me ugly what did I do wrong for this punishment. Unloved and unwanted has been my life, Now I just pray for a fast death and wished I was never born.
I will kill myself. It’s just a matter of time. Luckily I was to stupid to know how to tie a proper knot, so I woke up bleeding on the concrete instead of hanging after I lost consciousness. Luckily my car was able to protect me as I purposely crashed it at 120 electronically limited miles per hour. Luckily I was able to wake up from my coma after 3 weeks when I took 200 2mg Xanax. Luckily I woke up after I overdosed on heroin when I shot it up the first time I tried the drug. Luckily I was never able to pay off my debts because if I did I would buy a gun right now and shoot myself (But I would never want to leave my debt and mistakes for someone else to pay for). Luckily my girlfriends father killed himself and made my girlfriend go off the rails to ruin the only relationship I’ve ever had. It’s my fault he killed himself. Everything is my fault. It’s my fault my best friend is mentally impaired after I gave he 60 of my xanax pills (I didn’t know he was depressed. He took all 60 and went into a coma like I did. Unfortunately he wasn’t as lucky as I was to wake up fine and functioning. He is now mentally impaired and I will kill myself for what I have done. I won’t stop until I succeed and take my punishment.) I took a son away from two poor parents. I’m trash. I’m just trash, It’s what I am.
Robert, you’re wonderful. You went online and posted your story, that’s so much more than I’ve done with my journey in depression. I get it. Everyone says that ‘It’s not your fault’ or ‘It’s okay, it’ll get better.’ Don’t worry, I’m not here to tell you anything I don’t mean.
I suffered from depression and can feel myself being pulled back under, I can empathize with what you’re going through, I get it. But don’t you see? Your ex-gf and best friend need you, You survived maybe because you got lucky, or maybe because you have to live. Try to live for them, if you can’t find happiness yourself, death isn’t the answer. It can’t be, or else I’d have died 4 years ago.
I can’t promise it’ll get better, I can’t promise that you’ll be okay. Just don’t die. You owe it to your friend and ex-girlfriend not to. You deserve to live, I know it for a fact, I don’t care what you’ve done or who you’ve hurt, you deserve to live.
Don’t die, please.
I just wanted a place to dump this so I could sleep, I hate myself, so much so, that the first thing I do in the mornings is wishing I didn’t wake up at all, and the last thing I do in the night is wishing to never wake up again, but I’m also a intelligent and loving person, I know that if I show those feelings around me the people that love me back would be sad and that would break me apart, so I lock it all and throw the key away, now days what I wish the most for is to disappear, not to die, dying is ease, I want to just be gone, from peoples memories and feelings, so that nothing, LITERARY NOTHING stays behind, but that’s not for me to choose, its not as if I think my life is sad or that people don’t love me, that I’m ugly or fat, I know that none of those are true, my logical mind shows me proof of that every day, the way people look at me, my weight and body type, the true friends that I have, my mom and dad and my girlfriend, it’s just that deep down, I can’t stand myself, my self preservation is of little importance if I can help the people around me, but I don’t do that all the time, because it would be unhealthy, and that would make the people that I love see just how sick I am, I’m tired of living, of breathing, of seeing, of thinking, but I keep on going, because I don’t want people to worry, because I love them too much to just die and leave them behind, dying is easy, surviving the death of a loved one is the hard thing, and I don’t want people to feel what that’s like, so I just keep on going, everyday, I wake up, go to college, then work, after work I meet some friends, have some cold beers, some nice chats, a few times per month I go to my mothers house to see how she’s going, have some fun, laugh at silly things, but then, I get back home and I all comes crashing down, even when I’m with my girlfriend I have plenty of happy moments, and I know she’s happy with me, she wants to marry me, I said that if she could wait until I finish college I would, because I wanted to give my family a happy stable life, she gave me this amazing smile, I know my life is good, but when I’m by myself, it comes back, it’s not a voice telling me I’m ugly or fat or that I did something wrong, it’s just, this utterly … crushing … darkness … like instead of a heart, all I have is a black hole in my chest, that sucks everything and leaves only sadness and hatred, so … much … hatred for myself ….. I will keep on living, until the day I die a natural death or a not self provoked one, because I know that I will keep on suffering, over and over and over again, every morning, every night … I just wanted a place to post this on, someplace where people could see, maybe a reflexive self protection act, a glimmer of hope … Doesn’t matter, this a fake mail anyway …
You’re so strong.
I get it, I have felt and sometimes feel the same way. It’s awful, isn’t it?
We have these awesome lives and yet we can’t trust ourselves to be alone because we’re afraid that we’ll pull the trigger, tie the rope around our necks, get the scissors and start cutting. I get it, I’m living the same horrible thing that you are, and I’m sorry.
I don’t have any advice, I just want you to know that I feel your pain and that you’re entirely too strong and loving to be dealing with this. Good luck, I hope you find peace someday.
I hate myself. I wanna kill myself. I am so weak and stupid, and cannot do my job in time. I cannot bear responsibility and I am always late with my tasks. I dont want to wake up in the mornings, I just want to disappear. Please can I just die!!!
Dssf, Your job is important, but not as important as your life. You are worthy. YOUR life matters. We care and we have some resources we can give you to help you with the thoughts you are having. We are going to email you some more information too. Please check your email. If you need someone to talk to right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or chat online with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/. You can reach the Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting “START” to 741-741 too. Here is a list of additional suicide prevention resources https://www.thehopeline.com/suicide-prevention-resources.
Don’t give up! Keep trying!
My brother abuses me and my mom does not care. My dad yells at my grandma and me (my mom and dad are separated). My grandma has BRE and is in the hospital. People make fun of me for my weight, even my best friend, i try to laugh to drive it away. I barely have any hope left.
I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. It can feel hopeless to see people you love making bad choices that hurt others. You can’t change your brother or your dad because you can’t control anyone but yourself. You can ask for help, though. If your mom is not protecting you from your brother, and nobody is protecting you or your grandmother from your dad, then you have to find that protection from outside the family. If you’re still in school, talk to your guidance counselor. If not, call the closest state college to you. Many of them offer (sometime free or income-based) counseling through their psychology departments and they’ll be able to other resources as well. If people are making fun of you for your weight, I’m willing to bet you’re pretty young. Kids can be mean, but that doesn’t mean, and it’s usually the ones who hate themselves that are the meanest. PLEASE talk to someone in person. The internet is where we turn when we’re desperate because it’s always there, but talking things out with someone in person is way more effective than typing into a machine and reading responses monthly later if ever.
Calling a helpline is the first step, and it’ll do in a pinch if you’re feeling desperate. Talking to someone in person is even better because they can take the time to get to know you and your situation and offer specific help that will actually work for you. Even if you can’t do anything about your family, you can have someone there that you can count on for understanding and support. Emotional abuse can be far more damaging than physical (bruises heal pretty quickly while harsh words can scar a person for life), but having someone to talk to can make you feel cared about and valued. That can mean the difference between ending up with emotional scars, or ending up with something that feels more like bruising (long-term vs short-term pain).
I hate the way I look. I hate the way I act, I hate the way I think. I hate myself. So im not sure what “I can do” about that.
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I hate myself cause I don’t have any friends, my parents don’t care about me. Also my sister can’t stand me, I have no one to talk when I need someone.
i feel ur pain i sometimes wonder if i am worth living this life i have but i keep telling my self its going to get better
I care. You matter.