Do You Truly Hate Yourself?
Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, “I hate myself, I’m no good, I’m so stupid, or I’m worthless.”
The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it’s easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.
So what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?
1) Decide what you want to change about yourself
Nobody can make you love you other than you! It’s your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you’ve been thinking, and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It’s often been said, “If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better.”
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Cody wrote: I’ve found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self hate is born. It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you’re feeling better about yourself.
If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.
2) Figure out what you CAN change and do it!
IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don’t like your weight you can start eating properly, and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You’ll be amazed how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.
Don’t obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change, and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don’t get stuck in that trap!
3) Build up your self-esteem
Make a list of your 10 best qualities.
Can’t think of 10? There are more than you think, but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.
Then add to the list.
Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.
Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive. Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can’t please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.
Decide that you will never say the words, “I Hate Myself” ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.
4) Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred
You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life…things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don’t.
Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.
So if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.
Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day…maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn’t have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.
5) Remember God loves you
The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God’s love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you’ll feel much better about your life.
God made you very unique. And it’s this uniqueness that makes you special.
Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!
Angie wrote: It’s very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does. As you start believing in yourself more, you’ll have more good days than bad. It’s easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!
Don’t stay in that place of self-hate, it’s going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it’s possible. Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: What to Do When Your Hate Yourself.
And check out this guest blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.
Comments are more inspiring than the article
I don’t think I can even begin to stop disliking myself. This cycle I’m in keeps me in check and stops me displaying the traits I percieve to be unlikable or borderline disgusting.
There are things that are meant to happen even if we don’t want to. The least we can do is “not to dwell on our mistakes and dark past.” Don’t hold back your emotions when you are sad or you want to cry, just let it go. Never hate yourself😍Been there, done that
What if you don’t have even one good quality?
I know what you’re going to say, and believe me, I already know that I am neither a puppy torturer nor literally Hitler. But absence of a negative trait doesn’t imply the presence of a positive one, let alone a wealth of them.
Nils, I don’t know you but just by reading your reply, you speak intelligently and with a lot of thought. Not many know how to vocalize their emotions and I applaud you for doing that.
dear..think positively…you can bring changes from yourself..you dont need someone’s help..not everyone is perfect..accept yourself..keep loving yourself….you are a god’s gift to this earth..stay positive..have a nice day ahead
Hating ourselves is evil in itself, God made every merging good including us, we have no right to judge
The problem is this article presumes that there is something wrong with us that needs changing. It made me feel worse as it confirms I should hate myself. Feel really bad now.
Man is born sinful. We shouldn’t make an effort to love ourselves. Better to serve God; that’s the higher calling.
Completely agree – the sentiment of asking if there is something we can change then start today. That also assumes that we haven’t been working on changing all along. What happens when you work on changing – succeed in doing so, but hate the new person even more than the old? Contentment is not an automatic by-product of change.
Well said. Most people that actually hate themselves are actually very nice decent people who are overly critical of themselves. They are necessarily sociopaths who actually do not hate themselves as they are not capable of that.