What To Do When You Hate Yourself - 5 Tips

1. Do You Truly Hate Yourself?

Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, "I hate myself, I'm no good, I'm so stupid, or I'm worthless."

The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it's easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.

So, what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?

2. Decide what you want to change about yourself

Nobody can make you love you other than you! It's your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you've been thinking and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It's often been said, "If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better."

Cody wrote: I've found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.

It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you're feeling better about yourself.

If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.

3. Figure out what you CAN change and do it!

IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don't like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don't like your weight you can start eating properly and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You'll be amazed by how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.

Don't obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don't get stuck in that trap!

4. Build up your self-esteem by making a list of your 10 best qualities:

Can't think of 10? There are more than you think but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.

Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.

Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.

Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can't please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.
Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go to new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.

Decide that you will never say the words, "I Hate Myself" ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.

5. Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred

You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life...things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don't.

Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.

So, if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you'll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.

Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day...maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn't have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.

Remember God loves you

The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God's love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you'll feel much better about your life.

God made you very unique. And it's this uniqueness that makes you special.

Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Angie wrote: It's very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.

As you start believing in yourself more, you'll have more good days than bad. It's easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Don't stay in that place of self-hate, it's going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it's possible.  Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: Why Do You Hate Yourself.

And check out this blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.

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432 comments on “What To Do When You Hate Yourself - 5 Tips”

  1. I always seem to look up things about depression and anxiety late at night because that is when I know I am alone and when I finally start thinking about how much of a failure I am. I have to go to a private browser to even look at it because my grandparents (my actual parents left me with them by texting me and leaving for drugs) monitor everything I search and look at. I can't even look up things I so desperately am trying to know and understand without them knowing about it and getting so concerned with me. I hate it when they give me attention, compliment me. I hate it when I stop doing my schoolwork and know I should do it, but I procrastinate to the point where it is 3 in the morning, the project is due 4 hours at 7 in the morning, and I decide to finish it. I hate when they tell me I am not doing enough for school even though I have mainly A's and a few B's. I want to pass all my classes, but I don't want to do any work because I feel so much anxiety and I push it off and decide to watch a T.V. Show. I honestly don't want to self diagnose, but I don't want to tell them I want to talk to a therapist because they will make a huge deal out of it and I know it will never be forgotten. I act like I have the biggest ego by calling myself the prettiest and smartest person when I am with them. But I actually have never thought that. I'm 17, 130 pounds and 5'7. I'm what some people would call the perfect everything but I don't even believe that to be true. Everytime I look in the mirror, I play with the few pimples I have and look at the growing ones thinking how everyone I pass is going to look at it and think how ugly I am. They are going to look at how my double chin is so disgusting. I don't want to wear tight shirts because people will think my big boobs are so nasty. To this day, I have never worn a tank top out in public, or any spaghetti strap shirt because I feel like my boobs are way to far down and if some of my chest or cleavage is exposed, Im a cheap whore with saggy boobs. Everytime I talk to people over the phone, I suddenly forget how to breath normally and I start running out of breath and when that happens my ears heat up because I get so embarresed and disgusted that I even have trouble about that. I don't even know if I am normal like everyone else. I can't bring myself to kiss anyone because I am too worried that they are going to hate me touching them with my dirty mouth. I have one of the better lives, and I know others have it worse. I tell myself I shouldn't cry or be stressed out because I have such a good life now. I was taken from my crappy life and put into this new, controlling, set environment. And for some reason, even though its stable, I can't seem to like it. I hate the sound of my own voice. My nose is too ugly. My eyes are too slanted. My hair, no matter the cut or color will never look good on me. I will never be physically fit the way I want to. I will never have someone, I will be lonely forever. Why should I try to live my life when there is nothing worth living for? Everyone says they are scared to die, but why? If I were to die right now, I wouldn't care. No, I can't bring myself to kill myself, but if it were to happen I would be fine with it. I have nothing to live for. I do things every day, and I smile and laugh like I am having the greatest time. But when that moment is over, I suddenly forget it ever happened and I'm back to my crappy self. I don't have any passionate interests. I have looked into so many hobbies and I find an interest in something, but after a day or two of trying to do it, suddenly I lose the "passion" I had for it and I stop. I cant find myself to have a passion for anything. If I start a T.V. show, I end up skipping through it until it gets over, and I'm left looking for another show because suddenly the 7 season 25 hour long episodes each season is over in 2 or 3 days. I can't bring myself to try to date anyone either. Every time I find interest in a guy, I tell myself he is too ugly, or he just wants my body but then think, he is the best I could get. Nobody except the people who want to use me for my body will want my body, because I am that ugly too. I have thought about suicide multiple times, but I could never, even now, go through with it because I can't seem to bring harm to myself. As I was saying before, if I could die of some natural cause, or an active shooting, I would love that. I wouldn't care because I don't have anything to live for. No one will care much once I'm gone. I don't even feel like I should be writing this out and venting because I have no reason to. Why should you guys read this long paragraph and be forced to listen to my stupid feelings? No matter what you say, I doubt it would change anything, so why should I even write this? It just makes me become more self aware of how messed up I am, and how easy I have it compared to others. I shouldn't be feeling this bad when I have it this good. I shouldn't self diagnose, but I'm pretty sure I have bad anxiety and depression but I can't self diagnose. When she mentioned finding one good quality, I couldnt even find one. Not one. And i still can't. I never know how to answer what my best qualities are or what I am amazing at. I can't answer things that Im passionate about or my best traits. I have nothing good. And I don't think that feeling will ever change.

    1. You have gone through so much in your life and I want you to know you are valuable and worthy. We would care if you decide to leave this world. I'm sure there are many that would care. You sound like an amazing person that is very self-aware. Not many 17-year-olds have your sense of self-awareness. I read your whole paragraph and I'm glad you were able to vent and get the feeling you are having off of your chest. I am very concerned about you. Your self-esteem is greatly suffering. I want you to know that you can overcome this. There is hope. It's hard to see this, right now, however, this will not last forever. You can get past this. 17 is a tough age. I remember how hard it was to have the self-confidence to feel good about myself at that age. I suffered from anxiety and self-esteem issues too. I know you don't want to tell your grandparents how you feel and want to keep this hidden, but it's so important that you communicate with an adult about how you are feeling. You're are right, it sounds like depression and anxiety have taken a hold of you. Is there a way you could talk to your guidance counselor at school? Or Would you chat online with one of our HopeCoaches about this? You can chat online at https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/ It's free and confidential. They will listen, judgment-free and help you with the next steps. Please chat with one of our HopeCoaches before you get to the point you can not take it anymore. You can also, call or chat with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.8255 or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ or you can reach the Crisis Text Line 27/7 by texting “Start” to 741-741
      Here is a list of additional suicide prevention resources https://www.thehopeline.com/suicide-prevention-resources.

    1. Even if he did...
      "Remember God loves you... unless you dare not return that love, then he'll torment you forever because you didn't bow down and worship."

    2. How is it that I've never heard anyone consider that God did not create every one... would it not make more sense in the battle of good and evil, heaven and hell, Lucifer and God, that Lucifer has his humans created as his pawns... in his image??? Thus: many of us that have hated our selves for our lives could very well be not created in Gods image, and God does not love us, because we could be created to be on the other team???

  2. The only reason I hate myself is I was born SHORT and UGLY. Why did GOD make me ugly what did I do wrong for this punishment. Unloved and unwanted has been my life, Now I just pray for a fast death and wished I was never born.

  3. I will kill myself. It's just a matter of time. Luckily I was to stupid to know how to tie a proper knot, so I woke up bleeding on the concrete instead of hanging after I lost consciousness. Luckily my car was able to protect me as I purposely crashed it at 120 electronically limited miles per hour. Luckily I was able to wake up from my coma after 3 weeks when I took 200 2mg Xanax. Luckily I woke up after I overdosed on heroin when I shot it up the first time I tried the drug. Luckily I was never able to pay off my debts because if I did I would buy a gun right now and shoot myself (But I would never want to leave my debt and mistakes for someone else to pay for). Luckily my girlfriends father killed himself and made my girlfriend go off the rails to ruin the only relationship I've ever had. It's my fault he killed himself. Everything is my fault. It's my fault my best friend is mentally impaired after I gave he 60 of my xanax pills (I didn't know he was depressed. He took all 60 and went into a coma like I did. Unfortunately he wasn't as lucky as I was to wake up fine and functioning. He is now mentally impaired and I will kill myself for what I have done. I won't stop until I succeed and take my punishment.) I took a son away from two poor parents. I'm trash. I'm just trash, It's what I am.

    1. Robert, you're wonderful. You went online and posted your story, that's so much more than I've done with my journey in depression. I get it. Everyone says that 'It's not your fault' or 'It's okay, it'll get better.' Don't worry, I'm not here to tell you anything I don't mean.
      I suffered from depression and can feel myself being pulled back under, I can empathize with what you're going through, I get it. But don't you see? Your ex-gf and best friend need you, You survived maybe because you got lucky, or maybe because you have to live. Try to live for them, if you can't find happiness yourself, death isn't the answer. It can't be, or else I'd have died 4 years ago.
      I can't promise it'll get better, I can't promise that you'll be okay. Just don't die. You owe it to your friend and ex-girlfriend not to. You deserve to live, I know it for a fact, I don't care what you've done or who you've hurt, you deserve to live.
      Don't die, please.

  4. I just wanted a place to dump this so I could sleep, I hate myself, so much so, that the first thing I do in the mornings is wishing I didn't wake up at all, and the last thing I do in the night is wishing to never wake up again, but I'm also a intelligent and loving person, I know that if I show those feelings around me the people that love me back would be sad and that would break me apart, so I lock it all and throw the key away, now days what I wish the most for is to disappear, not to die, dying is ease, I want to just be gone, from peoples memories and feelings, so that nothing, LITERARY NOTHING stays behind, but that's not for me to choose, its not as if I think my life is sad or that people don't love me, that I'm ugly or fat, I know that none of those are true, my logical mind shows me proof of that every day, the way people look at me, my weight and body type, the true friends that I have, my mom and dad and my girlfriend, it's just that deep down, I can't stand myself, my self preservation is of little importance if I can help the people around me, but I don't do that all the time, because it would be unhealthy, and that would make the people that I love see just how sick I am, I'm tired of living, of breathing, of seeing, of thinking, but I keep on going, because I don't want people to worry, because I love them too much to just die and leave them behind, dying is easy, surviving the death of a loved one is the hard thing, and I don't want people to feel what that's like, so I just keep on going, everyday, I wake up, go to college, then work, after work I meet some friends, have some cold beers, some nice chats, a few times per month I go to my mothers house to see how she's going, have some fun, laugh at silly things, but then, I get back home and I all comes crashing down, even when I'm with my girlfriend I have plenty of happy moments, and I know she's happy with me, she wants to marry me, I said that if she could wait until I finish college I would, because I wanted to give my family a happy stable life, she gave me this amazing smile, I know my life is good, but when I'm by myself, it comes back, it's not a voice telling me I'm ugly or fat or that I did something wrong, it's just, this utterly ... crushing ... darkness ... like instead of a heart, all I have is a black hole in my chest, that sucks everything and leaves only sadness and hatred, so ... much ... hatred for myself ..... I will keep on living, until the day I die a natural death or a not self provoked one, because I know that I will keep on suffering, over and over and over again, every morning, every night ... I just wanted a place to post this on, someplace where people could see, maybe a reflexive self protection act, a glimmer of hope ... Doesn't matter, this a fake mail anyway ...

    1. You're so strong.
      I get it, I have felt and sometimes feel the same way. It's awful, isn't it?
      We have these awesome lives and yet we can't trust ourselves to be alone because we're afraid that we'll pull the trigger, tie the rope around our necks, get the scissors and start cutting. I get it, I'm living the same horrible thing that you are, and I'm sorry.
      I don't have any advice, I just want you to know that I feel your pain and that you're entirely too strong and loving to be dealing with this. Good luck, I hope you find peace someday.

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