Why Do I Have So Much Self-Hatred Inside of Me?

Jessica wants to come to terms with her self-hatred by accepting and loving herself.

Jessica's Question:

Dawson: What’s going on?

Jessica: Well, I've been listening to your show for a while, and you seem to be very direct. That's a good way to put it.

Basically, my question is how do I come to terms with loving myself as a person? I just, I always see the glass as half empty. I have a lot of great things going for me in life, and it just seems like I have never come to terms with happiness.

I completely fixate on the fact that I'm alone. I feel like there has to be a guy in my life at all times to feel like I'm worth anything. And to this day, I still don't know why I have so much self-hatred inside of me.

Dawson: Who have you talked to besides me about this?

Jessica: I've been in and out of counseling since I was 15.

Dawson: And… did they do you any good?

Jessica: No, not at all.

Dawson: Why?

Jessica: They just gave me antidepressants and told me to go on.

Dawson: They didn't talk about your issues, like the fact that you were abandoned?

Jessica: No, but the thing is I've had my dad around and I've had a stepdad around too, but I had a stepdad who was very verbally abusive. And when my parents divorced, my dad was there, but he just didn't know how to be a father.

Dawson McAllister's Answer:

Dawson: That’s abandonment. You've been abandoned by men in your life. And now you're trying to prove to the world and to yourself that you can keep a man.

Jessica: There’s a little bit more to the issue with myself. I'm very self-conscious. I'm not a skinny girl. So, I am actually currently battling a drug addiction because I do drugs to lose weight. Because I feel like if I lose weight, then I would be pretty and appealing to somebody.

Dawson: Who’s managing your medicine?

Jessica: Myself

Dawson: Yeah, you must have a fool for a patient. Your moods are not going to lift until:

A - You get off of whatever drugs you're on. Get under a doctor's care.

B - Secondly, you and I in three minutes, have talked more directly about your issues than anybody else - that's because you didn't let them in on the inside.

So, you've become pretty self-absorbed, and just go in a circle with your thinking. Get back with your counselors, tell them what we talked about and begin to focus on forgiving the men who have abandoned you. And [deal with] the false feel good you use to feel good about yourself, which is trying to get a man in your life.

Many people struggle with this negative thought, "I hate myself." Here are 5 things to think and do when you hate yourself.

TheHopeLine Team
For over 30 years, TheHopeLine has been helping students and young adults in crisis. Our team is made up of writers and mental health professionals who care deeply about helping others.
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