TheHopeLine

Sexual Assault

24 Safety Tips: My First Experience With Pepper Spray

Your pepper spray makes you feel safe, right?

Watch what happened when Jessica “Jai” McVay, former co-host of “Dawson McAllister Live,” used pepper spray for the first time.

Pepper spray isn’t the only way to play it safe. Here are 24 safety tips plus more videos from Jai.

    1. Tell someone where you’re going. Let a friend know when you’re on your way and check in with a family member when you get there.
    2. Plan your travel accordingly. Know where you’re going and how you’re getting there before you leave. You’ll feel more confident in navigating your route if you already know what it is.
    3. Walk quickly and confidently because confidence is a deterrent. Attackers prefer their victims weak. The more inconvenient you become for an attacker, the less likely they are to make you their target.
    4. Always carry your cell phone and make sure it’s fully charged before leaving the house. A cell phone with a dead battery won’t help you in a time of crisis.
    5. Carry a whistle and keep it handy in case, Heaven forbid, you’re attacked. The noise will alert others you need help, which then scares off your attacker.
    6. Get one of those small, but bright, flashlights that fits on your keychain. It’ll help you see better when it’s dark, and help you feel more confident.
    7. Carry pepper spray, if it’s legal where you live. It takes practice to use correctly so spend time getting comfortable with it. Learn how to lock and unlock the safety switch quickly. Pepper spray can be helpful, but there’s also a chance your attacker has the ability to grab it and use it against you.
    8. Be aware of your surroundings. Look around and pay attention to what is happening around you, who is around you.
    9. Don’t wear headphones or earbuds or clothes that hinder your vision like hoodies when you’re out by yourself. You can’t be alert to your surroundings is you’re tuned out of your surroundings.

24 safety tips pepper spray

  1. Stick to the well-lit areas.
  2. If you feel uneasy, call a friend or family member to stay on the phone with you until you’re safe. Just make sure you don’t get too distracted on the phone that you become unaware of your surroundings.
  3. If you notice someone may be following you, cross the street. If they cross, cross the street again. If they follow you across again, RUN and get into the nearest store, restaurant or better yet, police station.
    See what happened when Jai was being followed.
  4. If there’s a shady vehicle next to the driver’s side of your car, don’t hesitate to get in the passenger seat, lock the door and crawl over. If the situation seems pretty sketchy, go back inside where you were and find help.
  5. When you’re at events, always keep alert to your surroundings and take notice of the exits.
  6. Never leave your drink unattended and be careful of who you’re out with. Not everyone has the best intentions and not all predators are strangers.
  7. Don’t be alone with someone who’s drunk or under the influence of drugs.
  8. Don’t leave with anyone you don’t know.
  9. Drinking and doing drugs hinders your decision making ability and diminishes your ability to be alert to your surroundings. If you’re lit, you can’t protect yourself.
  10. Don’t leave an intoxicated friend in any potentially dangerous situations. If your friend is intoxicated, they won’t be able to protect themselves should a situation arrive.
  11. Don’t get in a car with a driver under the influence. A less drunk driver is still a drunk driver.
  12. Don’t hitchhike, or pick up a hitchhiker.
  13. Carry your keys in hand when walking. It keeps them handy for when you get to your home or car, so you can get into a safe space as soon as possible.
  14. Trust your gut. If something feels sketchy, or off, don’t feel embarrassed about leaving and getting to safety. Better safe than sorry.
  15. Attend a self-defense class in your area. It’ll improve your street awareness, teach you moves to ward off an attacker and help you develop a fighters reflex so you can get to safety.

Staying safe starts with being prepared, and following a few simple tips could possibly save you from a pretty traumatic, or deadly, experience. How do you and your friends help each other stay safe?

Guest blog written by: Jessica “Jai” McVay, co-host of “Dawson McAllister Live” and “Dawson McAllister Late Nights” (

Rage At God

This post was originally published on Heart Support, it has been reused with permission by: The Heart Support Team. Jake Luhrs, lead singer of Grammy-nominated metal band, August Burns Red, created Heart Support as a place where every music fan can heal and grow stronger.

“My rage at God had manifested itself in my everyday life.”

Depression. Anxiety. PTSD. Bipolar. All terms I have heard in the last year as people try to explain what’s wrong with me.mad at god I’m 21 and just now receiving the help I needed 6 years ago. I started cutting when I was 15. It was my way of controlling my world that was quickly spiraling downwards. When I started high school, I put so much of my self-worth in the people around me. I needed a boyfriend, and I wasn’t picky or cautious. A year into my first relationship, I was raped. I had that gift taken from me by someone I thought loved me. So here’s life knocking me down another notch, and the depression became accompanied by shame and guilt.

I learned to hide my cuts, and began to think that sex was no longer special. I jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend and the rampaging depression from everyone. When I was being used, I accepted it because it was the only way I felt like I meant anything. I was slowly losing my relationship with God. But I didn’t care because I felt abandoned.

I was slowly losing my relationship with God. But I didn’t care because I felt abandoned. #anger Click To Tweet

I was then violently raped by another boyfriend. At that point I felt completely alone. I still went to church because I ran sound for the band, and it was something I loved to do, but I wasn’t there for the right reasons. I still hadn’t learned my lesson with men, and entered an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. I was forced to cut ties with my family and friends. I started suffering from anxiety attacks and could feel the suicidal thoughts start to become stronger. I finally got out of the relationship, but my depression was so severe that I couldn’t control my cutting and suicidal thoughts. I was angry. Angry at my situation, angry at him, but mostly angry at God. How could he let this happen to me? I entered counseling and was diagnosed with PTSD. When things weren’t getting better, I entered an outpatient day therapy program through the hospital. I refused God and his love because I couldn’t forgive myself and because I blamed him for my problems.

We're all deserving of the grace that he offers, including this imperfect, beaten down, abused me. Click To Tweet

Fast forward to now, almost a year later, girl mad at godwith a DUI, drug habits, and a self-loathing that I couldn’t control, I finally called out for help. My rage at God had manifested itself in my everyday life and I became violent towards my family. I was at my breaking point and I couldn’t handle it on my own. I prayed and prayed for an answer to my problems and one day it hit me like a ton of bricks. God wasn’t the cause of my problems in life… I was. I had turned away from the one that loved me through all of my mistakes and had the grace I needed to accept. I find out soon if I have bipolar disorder, and I’m praying constantly for an answer along with the strength to accept God’s forgiveness and his unending love.

We are all deserving of the grace that he offers, including me. This imperfect, abused, and beat down person is deserving of grace. Deserving of love. And most importantly, forgiveness. Learning that lesson has been the hardest one to grasp in the midst of everything I’ve been dealing with. But we, as his children, need to ask for it before it can be given. Only then does He know that we are ready to receive it. So I pray not only for myself, but for everyone struggling in their life, to reach out and accept His grace and love, because YOU are worth it. YOU are deserving of it. And so am I.

In His name,
Taber

Related Posts:
A Door of Hope
Why Do People Self-Harm?
Real Story: Artist Michaela Hatfield
How To Quit Cutting

A Rape Survivor’s Story

The journey toward healing begins with the truth.

Sarah Kate shares her story of rape, alcoholism, and depression with Unveiled Campaign. This downward spiral that she found herself on was the result of a secret she was keeping…she had been abused and sexually assaulted. She is now on a journey toward healing and shares how she was able to unveil the lies from the truth and learn to love herself again.

Here is Sarah Kate’s Story: (Grab a tissue, you are going to need it.)

UNVEILED is a campaign whose aim is to reveal or unveillies we tell ourselves so we can walk in truth and freedom to fulfill our dreams and destiny.

What Should I Do If I’ve Been Raped?

RAINN, a partner of TheHopeLine, shares what to do if you or a friend is sexually assaulted.

It’s hard to know what to do, how to feel, or what your options are after a sexual assault. Please know that you’re not alone.

  • Find a safe environment anywhere away from the attacker. Ask a trusted friend to stay with you for moral support.
  • Know that what happened was not your fault and that now you should do what is best for you.
  • Report the attack to police by calling 911. A counselor on the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE can help you understand the process.
  • Preserve evidence of the attack – don’t bathe or brush your teeth.
  • Write down all the details you can recall about the attack & the attacker.
  • Ask the hospital to conduct a rape kit exam to preserve forensic evidence.
  • If you suspect you were drugged, ask that a urine sample be collected. The sample will need to be analyzed later on by a forensic lab.

[Read more…] about A Rape Survivor’s Story

Grateful for Fifty Shades of Grey

Did You Say Grateful for Fifty Shades of Grey?

Guest Blog is written by: Melody Bergman, blogger for National Center on Sexual Exploitation (the leading national organization addressing the public health crisis of pornography and exposing the links between all forms of sexual exploitation).

It’s midnight on New Year’s Eve, and my hubby and I have just finished watching the ball drop. The first commercial I see in 2017? A preview for Fifty Shades Darker, coming right before Valentine’s Day. No joke.

Whether we like it or not, our culture has entered a pronounced Grey period. The books swept the market like wildfire, the first movie caused quite a ruckus, and the sequel will hit theaters in just a few weeks.

grateful 50 shadesThis second-hand bookstore in Wales had enough copies of Fifty Shades to build a small fort! And as much as I hate what it stands for, I have to say I’m grateful for the public dialogue that has ensued in the wake of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise.

Stories of Abuse Survivors:
Abbie’s Story of Sexual Abuse
Talleha’s Story of Hope (Video)

The books were written for women. I’m a woman, so naturally I’ve been aware of them since they came out: I’m in the target audience, and so are my friends.

It’s funny … the first time I heard the title was in a gathering of betrayed wives. We were at a retreat in the mountains, in a ‘safe place,’ discussing pornography, adultery, abuse, sharing our horror stories and laughing like crazy about how nuts our lives had become.

Toward the end of the weekend, someone brought up Fifty Shades. She said her girlfriends had been reading it, using techniques from the book to “spice things up” in the bedroom, and asked if we thought it was appropriate. A few faces flushed. Some eyes dropped to the floor. Other women nodded knowingly. I had no idea what they were talking about.

Suddenly, one woman burst out: “No! Absolutely NOT okay! Do you know what is in that book? It’s BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism). It’s porn. It encourages abuse in the bedroom. Isn’t that precisely what destroyed our marriages? Isn’t that exactly what we’re fighting against? NOT okay!”

LIE: #FiftyShadesDarker is a love affair. TRUTH: It's grooming a young girl for sadistic sex. Click To Tweet

When she finished, her eyes were bulging and she was breathing hard. I understand. I am a survivor of abuse too.

lie shades of grayFor years, as the books rolled out, I continued to hear flutters on the wind about them. A whisper here, a giggle or blush there. Once in awhile a friend might mention Fifty Shades with a questioning glance, unsure if those around her were ‘okay’ with it. But nothing really out loud except that isolated outburst.

Other women were downright prudish about it. Once, I brought up the topic of BDSM in a private conversation with a close friend, and she promptly spun on her heel and walked out of the room, leaving me standing there alone. That was five years ago.

A lot has changed since then. Soon Fifty Shades Darker (the sequel) is coming to the silver screen, bringing the argument back to the forefront–for better or for worse. And I’m grateful. I’ll take it. It’s better than standing alone in a room, speaking on deaf ears.

People aren’t whispering about Fifty Shades anymore. They are blogging about it. They are signing petitions and organizing boycotts. They are joining social media campaigns, like #50ShadesIsAbuse and #50DollarsNot50Shades, which donate money to battered women’s shelters–where ‘real-life Anas’ end up.

I'm grateful. People aren't just whispering about Fifty Shades anymore. #50ShadesIsAbuse Click To Tweet

Domestic violence groups, activists, and religious organizations are publicly speaking out against the series. They are standing together. Journalists and commentators have discussed the controversy on USA Today, Good Morning America, CNN, CBS, People, Time, Huffington Post, Entertainment Weekly, Fox News, and other media outlets around the world.

And what have we learned through the public dialogue?

As it turns out, the BDSM community loves and hates the series. They like the idea of their lifestyle becoming mainstream, but say it is grossly misrepresented in the literature and now the movie. Some feel so strongly about it that they organized protests against the first film.

Some families are okay with Fifty Shades entering the public mainstream, and some are not. This fact has become very clear to me as I’ve read blogs, commentaries, and observed online and personal interactions on the topic.

But regardless of anyone’s opinion, this material is here. It is openly, visibly present in our culture. It is now accessible to our children. And it is making a mark. Don’t believe me? Read the stories yourself:

One mother asked her 11-year old what he knew about Fifty Shades of Grey. He said he’d heard it was about a woman who liked to be tied up during sex, and the book taught guys how to do that. -from 3 Things Your Kids Need to Know about Fifty Shades of Grey on ProtectYoungMinds.org

And what about 900 middle- and high-school-aged students that stormed a theater in Florida because they wanted to see the BDSM-themed film? –Huge mob of teens rushes theater after being denied entrance to R-Rated ‘Fifty Shades’

target sells fifty shadesKids walking past Fifty-Shades-themed sex toys in Target stores while buying Valentines for their schoolmates? Yep. This happened to us. They were all in the same ‘holiday’ section. (One store was more discreet and put the sex toys with the toiletries–except right next to the children’s toothbrushes. Oops!) –Target is Now Selling ‘Fifty Shades’ Sex Toys

Or how about Sacramento families go-karting, driving on Highway 50 or watching Sponge Bob at a nearby screen while Fifty Shades blared in plain view at the drive-in for three nights over Valentine’s weekend? Yeah, that’s not very discreet. –Thousands of People Who Didn’t Want to See ‘Fifty Shades’ Were Forced to See It–Here’s Why

Just for a moment, let’s put the moral arguments aside. Let’s not talk about domestic violence or sexual abuse or BDSM or whether they are the same thing. Let’s not preach to each other about the First Amendment. Instead, let’s acknowledge something: We are parents. And this is our moment. Like it or not, it’s time to address these things. Because they are here. And they are not going away.

Even if you are not a parent: Something has entered the public awareness that is worthy of your commentary.

The next generation is waiting. They are watching and listening. Of course you know how I feel about it, but … what you tell your children is up to you.

Melody Bergman writes for National Center on Sexual Exploitation but also has her own blog: Mama Crossroads.

If you are a human trafficking victim and want to be rescued….call the confidential 24/7 RESCUE HOTLINE  404.941.6024 today.

 

What is Abuse?
Abuse is a repetitive pattern of behaviors to maintain power and control over an intimate partner. These are behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want. Abuse includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation. Many of these different forms of abuse can be going on at any one time.  -The National Domestic Violence Hotline


Free eBook! Understanding Sexual Abuse from TheHopeLine®


I was Being Sexually Abused and TheHopeLine Helped Me [Video]

Are You Being Sexually Abused? Here is Annie’s Real Story of Hope:

I felt like maybe it was something that happened to everybody because I was a little kid, I didn’t know any better but then when I started getting older, I started realizing that it was wrong. A whole bunch of times, I thought about killing myself. I had carved into my arms: “I hate being loved.” I heard about how TheHopeLine® had helped these girls that had been raped or molested. I finally heard one that was really close to my story and I finally called in and a HopeCoach talked to me about it.  He told me, “We are going to get you through this.”

More Stories of Abuse Survivors:
Abbie’s Story of Sexual Abuse
Talleha’s Story of Hope (Video)

Have you been sexually abused?  Are you being sexually abused?  Download our free eBook today for help.

Abusive Dating Relationships – Fix or Flee?

by Dawson McAllister

Abuse is not Love.

FACT: 1 in 3 teens know a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner. That adds up to over 2 million women 25 and younger who are being abused by their boyfriends. One female abused by her boyfriend is too many. Two million is a tragedy.Abusive Dating Relationships Teen Dating Violence

But why? Why does this happen? Why are there so many young women who allow themselves to be abused? I asked you to help me by sending in your comments. What you had to say helped me understand so much better why this tragedy happens. So let’s get on with it.

1 in 3 teens know a friend who has been physically hurt by their partner. #teendatingviolence Click To Tweet
    1. Many abused girls stay in an abusive relationship because their abuser is often charming, persuasive, and manipulative. It’s not like an abusive guy walks around with a big Atattooed on his forehead saying, Hey everybody. Look at me. I’m an abuser.No. He looks just like anybody else, and often has a very charming way about him. That is why so many people cannot believe he’s abusive. At the beginning of the relationship, everything seems so wonderful. The romance goes into a whirlwind, full of excitement and attention and gifts at unexpected times. Mr. Charming talks much about love and quickly tells his new girlfriend she is the one for him and he is truly in love with her. Usually, the girl has never met someone so amazing. But what she does not understand is right beneath the veneer of charm and charisma is an angry, controlling, cruel, troubled young man who is about to put her through hell. Sooner or later, his true colors show through. Little by little he turns on her. First in little ways: The put-downs, the jealousy, the controlling of her every move. While this relationship may still be exciting to her, it soon escalates into something ugly, degrading, and heartbreaking. Nobody deserves to be treated like this, not even from Mr. Charming. It took Bekka quite a while to figure all this out:

      I was with an emotionally and mentally abusive guy for about a year. I stayed with him because he was a smooth talker and very manipulative. I didn’t see it then until the very end. Now I see everything clearly.

Related Posts:
How To Find A Meaningful Relationship
How To Know It’s Really Love
4 Ways To Avoid Heartbreak
8 Signs Your Relationship Is Unhealthy

  1. Behind every abused teenage girl is the debilitating condition of low self-esteem. Almost every girl who is being abused is basically set up psychologically for it to happen. She often feels so low and unwanted that as long as some guy says he loves her, she will put up with almost anything. She is convinced she does not deserve and will never get a guy any better than the one who is treating her so poorly. Sarah has been there

    Girls go after abusive and uncaring guys because they don’t think that they deserve any better and/or that they could get any better. Any kind of attention is better than no attention. That’s what I thought anyway. A slap across the face from time to time was better than drowning in a room all alone. A few harsh words from a guy who sometimes did love me could be brushed off…when compared to the mouthful of obscenities that would flow from the mouth of my Father.

    Girl in an abusive dating relationship If you are being abused by your boyfriend, you are suffering from low self-esteem. Your troubled boyfriend wants you to stay that way. But do you really want to stay stuck in that cruel, emotional mud? If not, ask yourself, What must I do to respect myself enough to get away from him?

  2. Most teenage girls who are abused by their boyfriend think it’s normal, all just part of their lives. No one deserves to be put down, shoved, hit, controlled, or pressured to have sex. Everyone deserves love and respect as God’s children. The only problem is most girls who allow their boyfriends to abuse them don’t know that. Because of their dysfunctional family, what is abnormal to everyone else is perfectly normal to them. Jessica nailed it when she wrote,

    My last relationship was abusive. I gave in because it was what I grew up with. My mother’s boyfriend beat her while I was growing up, they were constantly arguing. Then she started hitting me and calling me names. I grew up thinking that was what a relationship was.

    Is it any wonder why so many abused girls get caught up in sabotaging healthy dating relationships. Let’s suppose for a moment a girl who is being hurt by her cruel boyfriend breaks up with him. She then starts dating someone who is kind, loving, and stable. Often, it doesn’t take long for her to break off the relationship. Why? A stable relationship is just so foreign to her. There’s not enough drama or an adrenaline rush with her new boyfriend. So often she will go back to another hurtful guy. Deb explains this powerful trap so well:

    The abusive man and his behaviors is what they have come to know as normal. Therefore when a normal and nice guy comes along, bells and warning signs go off inside them. Something is not right with this guy. They can become untrusting, because they do not know what his motives may be. Many times the abusive father says directly or indirectly that nice caring men are wimps. What girl could feel safe with a wimp? Yes safe. Abused girls feel safe with these abusers, believe it or not. The reverse would hold true for a girl who was bought up in a healthy home. Bells and [warning signs] would go off in her head and soul if she went out with an abusive guy, and she would be very distrusting of him

  3. It is easy for the abused girl to think she is in love with her abuser, when in fact she’s not. What is so loving about being slapped, shoved, teen girl abusive dating relationshipcursed, raped, and humiliated? That’s not love. No matter what her feelings say, she is not in love, she just feels she is. When you are lost or have a low self esteem, your view of love is distorted. (Tiffany) Why would she feel like she’s in love, even when she’s being abused? Well, in her heart, at least she’s not alone. She has a guy and he pays her attention, even as cruel as he may be. She is trying very hard in this ugly dating drama to help him and rescue him and that makes her feel better about herself. She doesn’t know what he’s going to do next, so she’s always on edge, obsessing over what he might do. She thinks it’s exciting he is suffocatingly jealous of her. She simply does not understand in her warped way of feeling that what she is experiencing is not love. True love shows kindness, respect, understanding, and wants to protect the partner from as much hurt as possible. Sadly, many abused girls don’t get it. They truly feel they are in love. How sad.
When you are lost or have a low self esteem, your view of love is distorted. #teendatingviolence Click To Tweet

Conclusion

There are many other reasons why girls are abused by their boyfriends. But hopefully this blog will help you get started in understanding why. If you are in an abusive relationship, I beg you to get out of it now. Take some time away from guys. Get to know yourself. Spend time with God. Heal up. And vow never to date an abusive guy again. You’re so much better than that.
Your friend,
Dawson McAllister

Has your abusive dating relationship left you feeling worthless and all alone? Download our eBook for ways to build up your self-worth and love yourself.


Free eBook! Understanding Self-Worth from TheHopeLine®

PTSD What is it and do I have it?

by Dawson McAllister

ptsd get help

Have you ever wondered, “What is PTSD?”

And maybe you have asked yourself, “Do I have it?” On my radio show I so often hear these types of statements:

“I keep re-living the time I was raped.”

“I don’t feel anything anymore, I have no emotions. I’m just numb after all the abuse I went through.”

“I’m constantly on-edge. I can’t ever let my guard down ever since I was in that horrific car accident.”

These are just a few of the different faces of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
PTSD is often associated with those who serve in the military and rightfully so. Since 2002 over 100,000 military members have been diagnosed with PTSD. But PTSD can effect anyone who has gone through a terrifying experience that involved physical harm or the threat of physical harm. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is the pain of re-living the trauma over and over.

Related Posts:
Megan’s Struggle With Anxiety Disorder
How To Find Sanity In An Insane World
Mental Illness Is Not Mental Weakness

Since I hear the symptoms of PTSD discussed quite frequently on my radio show, I felt it would be very worthwhile to talk about this disorder today. As with everything knowledge is power and understanding is half the battle. If you have faced a traumatic experience here is what I want you to know:

  1. Not everyone who goes through a dangerous experience will get PTSD. Don’t assume that just because something traumatic happened that you are destined to get PTSD. This is not the case.
  2. However, if you have disturbing thoughts or feelings for more than a month after a traumatic experience, please seek help. This is NOT a sign of weakness, you are NOT expected to just get over it. What you are experiencing IS REAL and needs to be dealt with.
  3. One factor to reducing the risk of getting PTSD is to immediately get support after a terrifying event (rape, abuse, accident, tornado, flood, war, etc.). Talk about it, join a support group, be open about how you feel. This has proven to be an important step.
  4. Here are some signs you should see a doctor:
    • You are having trouble getting your world under control.
    • You are still having flashbacks or bad dreams.
    • You are stressed or frightened when you are no longer in danger.
    • You are avoiding normal life and losing interest in things you loved.
    • You are emotionally numb.
    • You have difficulty sleeping.
    • You are thinking suicidal thoughts.
  5. There are treatments available…Therapy, Support Groups, Medication.
  6. There is HOPE. With time and treatment you can overcome PTSD.
  7. God is with you in the journey. He says, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”

Now, if you know someone who has experienced a terrifying event, the role YOU play in supporting them will be key. So I’d like to offer the “support people” some advice as well:

  1. Be patient. It can be difficult for the person experiencing PTSD to express what they are feeling and it can make them uncomfortable to talk about it.
  2. NEVER assume or tell them, “It’s all in your head.” or “You can just get over it.” or “Only veterans get PTSD.”
  3. It is never too late for them to seek treatment. Even if the traumatic event occurred over a year ago or more, treatment is still important and effective.
  4. Honor their struggle to make peace with the event and don’t rush it.
  5. Since their perspective is driven by fear, they are not always logical keep reaching out. Keep encouraging.

ALWAYS remember there is HOPE. Here are a number of resources to support you in your journey:

Learn more about PTSD, by downloading your free eBook.

You are not alone.This video is about a girl I talked with on my radio show. She was struggling with PTSD from a traumatic event in her life.

Sexual Assault

JadeI was raped while taking the garbage out, right outside of my own house. I never saw who, but I’m hoping he will be caught soon.  I came to TheHopeLine because I was feeling alone and overwhelmed with everything.  Despite the support from my family and friends, I felt like I needed more.

So we talked for a while and I was given many resources which I will be taking, and then I was shown how God can help me heal.

Tonight, I found God. I know he will always be there for me, and I also know that TheHopeLine will be too.

So a HUGE thank you to the lady who helped me tonight, whoever you are.  You’ve helped push me in the right direction and I’ll forever be grateful.

Thank you.
Jade

If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence, it’s not your fault. You are not alone. Help is available 24/7 through the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE and online.rainn.org.

Are you concerned about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? Learn more about it by downloading your free eBook.

Worst. Party. Ever.

by Dawson McAllister

Paul wrote: I was at a party once that was going great. Everyone was having a great time. Sure, there was some drinking, but I didn’t realize the neighbors had called the cops. Everybody ran, and people got trampled over trying to get away. I broke my arm falling over the couch. And my dad had to come get me from the police station. It was a nightmare.

Does this sound like the WORST PARTY EVER?

It’s that time of yearparty-time!

While I know there are plenty of reasons to hold parties all throughout the year, spring seems to bring with it even more reasons to get together.

The stay-out-all-night after-prom party. The we-finally-did-it graduation party. The weather-is-finally-nice beach/backyard/backroad party. The see-you-next-school-year college bash. You know what I’m talking about.
worst party ever
And, while these parties are meant to be celebrations, they can often get out of control and end disastrously. In fact, you could end up at the worst party ever.

I don’t want to be a downer, but I’ve heard too many stories on my radio show over the years from people who were taken advantage of at a party, or teens who lost a friend because of drunk-driving, or someone who ended up arrested because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time.

So let’s just talk about how to be smart at a party. How to have fun, and not be dumb!

Let’s set the sceneYou get to the party with your friend and everyone seems to be having fun. But after a while, you start to get the feeling that something isn’t quite right. For one thing, you notice people are bringing more and more alcohol to the party. You also notice people are starting to get really drunk or high. You even see people slipping away in couples, or even threesomes, heading to a back bedroom. You know nothing really good happens in the back bedroom. A thought flashes through your mind: drugs, alcohol, and a lot of people = trouble.

What are some signs of a party that you need to leave?

  • If there are a lot of people showing up you don’t know especially if they are bringing alcohol when they come
  • Rival gang members are there or fights are breaking out.
  • Couples are sneaking off upstairs or downstairs.
  • People are so wasted they are passing out.
  • The party is not well lit.
  • You can’t help but notice weird smells.
  • It’s so loud you know the neighbors are going to call the cops.
  • If you can imagine people being surprised if they were to hear you were at this party.
  • Your instincts are telling you to leave. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

It’s important to always have a plan as to what you’ll do if the party turns into a bad situation.

Here are some ways to protect yourself from getting trapped at a destructive party or at the “Worst Party Ever”:

  • Check out who’s going to the party a little research beforehand may save you a lot of grief later. Again follow your instincts. If there’s a concern, just don’t go. Why take a chance?
  • Don’t go to a party alone it’s usually best to go with two or three others just in case one person might want to stay.
  • Know your boundaries what you will and won’t do before you get to a party and stick within those limits. You are cool enough to withstand peer pressure.
  • Talk with a friend or your parents ahead of time, and ask if you can call and have them pick you up if you need to get away.
  • NEVER drive with someone who has been drinking.
  • Make sure your phone is charged if you need to call someone or a cab.
  • Go to TheHopeLine Get Help page to download our mobile app, so that you can talk with a HopeCoach anytime, anywhere, 24/7.
  • Don’t be afraid or ashamed to call your parents or a trusted adult someone who cares about your safety. They’ll forgive any mistakes you have made.
  • Don’t be afraid to leave the party immediately walking or running, if need be.
  • Be aware of your location, which streets are nearby, and what’s a landmark you could head to if you needed to get away.
  • Don’t worry about what other people think about you if they see you leaving. Some people’s lives have been all but ruined at a bad party.

I get the whole YOLO thing. And I know that according to Snoop Dog this is the time to be young and wild and free! I just want you to also be smart and safe and strong because I’ve seen first-hand that doing something in the momentcan have consequences that last a lifetime.

And if you see a friend in trouble at a party, check out our guest blog about 4 Ways to Keep Friends Safe.

CorsagesLastly, here are some things your peers told us about their party experiences:

Jenni wrote: I just don’t go to the parties where I know there will be drugs. And when there are, I get one of my friends to leave with me, and we do something else.

Trisha agreed with Jenni: I completely avoid the situation. But if I was there, I know better than to do that stuff. Usually I end up leaving.

Sounds like Jenni and Trisha have a good plan. Talk to your friends and create your own plan for surviving the Worst Party Ever.

Sexual Assault: 15 Tips to Protect Yourself

by Dawson McAllister

Let me be real clear from the beginning of this post if you have been sexually assaulted, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  PERIOD.  No matter what you did or did not do the choice was 100% the decision of the perpetrator.  They could have chosen to not violate you, but they did not make that choice, so it is THEIR fault and only theirs.

Now with that said, I want to offer you some tips that can perhaps help protect you from being a victim of sexual assault, but I want you to understand that even if you follow all these steps or if you slip up on one of them, and you experience a sexual assault, it still is not your fault.  These tips are simply meant to help make you more aware and lessen your chances.

15 Tips for Protecting Yourself from Sexual Assault  

  1. Trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you that you should not be alone with someone, leave. If you feel the party you are at is getting a little too out of control, get out.  If you are starting to get creeped out by how someone is looking at you or what they are saying to you, call a cab or find a friend.  Tips to Protect Yourself from Sexual Assault
  2. Be prepared. Before you go out make sure your phone is fully charged, carry some cash, and have the number of a cab company programmed in your phone.
  3. Don’t share too much on-line about what your plans are. 61% of attackers are known by the victim.

If you have been sexually assaulted, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  PERIOD.  No matter what you did or didn’t dothe choice was 100% the decision of the perpetrator.  They could have chosen to not violate you, but they did not make that choice, so it is THEIR fault and only theirs.

Related Posts:
A Rape Survivor’s Real Story
My First Experience With Pepper Spray

At a Party

  1. Stick together with your friends or let them know where you are going. It does not hurt to have code words to alert a friend if you are getting uncomfortable.
  2. Be aware of your alcohol consumption. My first recommendation is don’t drink especially if you are under age.  But if you are going to have a drink, know your limits.  There is no disputing the fact that alcohol compromises your ability to make responsible decisions and be accurately aware of your situation.  Over half of sexual assaults among college students involve alcohol.
  3. If you do have a drink, don’t let it out of your site. You never know when someone might slip something into your drink. If you leave it unattended, get a new drink.  Never accept a drink from someone you don’t know.
  4. Be ready to speak up to help someone out. If a situation seems wrong, step up.  Find others to support you and then offer some distraction to rescue a friend or peer from a questionable situation.

When Walking Alone  

  1. Keep your eyes scanning – Stay alert and pay attention to your surroundings.
  2. Keep your ears listening – Don’t have earphones in
  3. Keep your feet moving – Walk with a purpose
  4. Choose a smart route – Try to stick to well-traveled areas even if it is not the most direct path

On a Date

  1. Tell a friend where you are going
  2. Don’t compromise your standards – Set your boundaries and be firm. I don’t want tois a good enough reason.
  3. Understand that consent to sexual activity can be withdrawn at any time.
  4. If your date is making you uncomfortable – call a friend and use a code word, or, if you can, make an excuse and leave.

Since 1993, sexual assaults have declined by 60%.  So it is possible that by raising awareness and taking precautions, we can keep lowering the number of incidents.

If you are a survivor of a sexual assault, please take care of yourself and know that there is help for you.

Here are some resources for you:

Sexual Abuse and Assault Resources – The following are trusted resources from TheHopeLine® and our partners to help survivors of sexual assault and their loved ones.

RAINN – Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization.

Also, check out our eBook, which includes the types and warning signs of sexual assault and the steps to take if you have been sexually assaulted.