He Blamed God
During his interview with Rapzilla about his remake of the song, Jesus Loves Me, Beacon Light shares that this song was his story. He was sexually abused by a family member, from 3rd grade to middle school. So in middle school, he went through a time of questioning his sexual identity. Then his parent's split up and that was the breaking point for him. He said he had interpreted God's goodness through other people's actions so when things weren't going right - he blamed God. He blamed the sexual abuse and his parent's divorce on God. He turned away from God and tried to run his own life...partying, drinking, drugs, sex. Then he decided to call out to God and that began a relationship with God, which started his path to healing. Beacon Light believes God has walked him through all of these struggles and also believes God will walk you through your struggles.
He Cried out to God to Heal Him
Beacon Light says the video is 75% beautiful and 25% creepy, kind of horror movie type feel. He wanted it to have a little dark feel because it's a dark subject. He wrote the third verse, with those same sexually confused emotions surfacing and crying out to God to heal him and cleanse him. He believes God let him feel the pain again but then after recording the song, those feelings were gone again.
Beacon Light says he didn't talk about the sexual abuse for years. Then after hearing a speaker at his school share her story of sexual abuse, he told her what happened to him. She was only the 2nd person he had told. Beacon Light says:
"Talking to people, praying with people and going through that journey with other people in the community is what brought me to healing."
He said one big thing that has come out of this song is that people that have been holding in these deep things are starting to open up about them. He had a girl come up to him after a show and tell him she was still being sexually abused. After sharing with Beacon Light, she was able to open up with her youth pastor, who stepped up to help her. Beacon Light says:
"And so what I've seen be the most powerful thing is people who have been holding this in, who have been beaten down by this thing, who thought they were gay because they were sexually abused, who struggle with the sexuality because of it, and then watching that song kind of unearth some things that where there that were under the surface in a healthy way ” where they're able to talk, cry about it, confess it, pray with other people, and it begins that journey of really being able to walk with a community through the issues."
Starting a journey of healing means first to seek help and get out of the abuse and then to open up, talk about it, pray about it and get people rallied around you to help you.
If you see any signs of abuse in someone you know, or if you yourself are abused get help right away. The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is a 24-hour hotline with resources to aid in every child abuse situation. All calls are anonymous and confidential. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) for help.
Are you trying to cope with past sexual abuse? Read, Coping with Sexual Abuse, for more help and resources.
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