All my life no one, my age, ever really liked me. I was that kid that smelled even thought most of the time I didn’t. Anyway, when I was 14, men started emailing me asking to be my friend; something I never really had. I hesitated at first, then I met one of them. At first, we just sorta hung out, then they started to tell me they need me give them something . You can guess what that meant. At the time, I didn’t think this was an issue. I felt wanted and I felt loved, something I haven’t felt in a while. Now you might ask…were my parents bad or something? They weren’t, they were just busy with their careers. After a while, they made me feel like I had to sneak out at night.
When I got into my second year of high school, I found a girl friend that liked me for who I was. Then, one day I was riding my moped and I fell. I hit my head, and yes, I was wearing a helmet. I went blank for a minute but I was okay, just a scraped hand. I got up and kept riding and a week later. I started getting headaches. I went to the ER and I had a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). About another week later was the first time I tried to kill myself. I stole my family boat and tried to sink it with me inside it…this didn’t work. This was the first time I was hospitalized. I was hospitalized two more times before. They asked if I was ever sexually abused and every other time they asked that I said no but then it clicked, and I opened up. It had never occurred to me that I was abused. I tried to kill myself more times, the other times with pills and jumping off a overpass. Just to give you an update that was the first time my parent found out about the abuse. I had kept it hidden for over 3 years. All in this time, I was cutting and got kicked out of three schools.
I was also diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It got so bad, I went to a residential hospital for nine months. After that, life was so much less stressful and the flashbacks came fewer and the wish to die subsided. I still suffer from anxiety and depression, but its manageable, and I am also not on any medication.
I’m proof that if you just take a break from life and work really hard and have a lot of support…you can get through anything!