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Addiction

Breaking Free from Self-Harm

Breaking free from Self-Harm

This guest post is written by Amanda Turner, the founder and head writer of Breaking Free Indeed.  Her hope is that by sharing her own story and the truths God has shown her, others might not feel so alone on their own journeys and can also find help in these truths.   This passion grew from seeing how God freed her from the struggles that she felt so trapped in and redeemed the brokenness that she once thought could only be hidden at best.

Never Again. One Day at a Time.

“Well, it’s been two weeks…but what about two months from now? Will I make it that far okay? ‘Three months free’, ‘One year free’, sounds impossible…How do I know I’ll even be able to hold out a day more?”

It seems like just the other day I wrestled with those words. It’s amazing how quickly time moves. More than that, it is amazing how dramatically God transforms.

The Day I Gave Up the Fight to Resist

May 27th, 2015 was the day I gave up. After almost a year of living under intense depression and anxiety, I didn’t know what else to do. I felt lonely, panicked and overwhelmed. Hiding in my bedroom, I decided the nearest sharp object to me was the answer. I didn’t care anymore that I knew I wasn’t supposed to do it; all I cared was to drown out these feelings, and cutting seemed like the most promising way.

I had found myself thinking about it many times before. I could picture it in my head and feel the itch of it on my skin. I always told myself I wouldn’t ever fall for it though. For one, I didn’t have the guts to actually cut my skin, that’s gross, and besides that, it was obviously just crazy to do. Yet those thoughts and feelings persisted.  I tried drawing on myself as a substitute to cutting, but at the end of the day I was still frantic and still had no relief. My resolve wore thinner and thinner. Anxiety and heartache can take you to places you never imagined you would go if you allow it to, and I was tired of fighting.

After thinking about it for a while, it didn’t sound so radical or drastic to do. It almost even sounded logical. I needed a way to release these feelings trapped inside of me. So when that night came, and I hurt, but I couldn’t cry, and I felt like I had nowhere to run, and I forgot the God who had carried me through the past trials of my life, I turned to a blade instead.

Pulled Down and Swallowed Up

At first it seemed good, I had done something about my pain. There was a level of satisfaction in that. But it quickly left. What had I done? Didn’t I promise I would never go here?! I had failed, and I had lost everything. The memory of what I had done to myself only made that night darker as I tried to fall asleep, and the following day just became even more anxious and painful. I told my parents what happened, and I promised them never again.

A couple weeks later, life got too busy to deal with, too overwhelming, too many thoughts and too much pain inside because I knew I was a failure at everything. How could I get away? Will it ever stop?? I remembered cutting myself before…I wasn’t supposed to do that…but no point in fighting now really is there? I had already lost. I had gone there before. This was my life now it seemed. So be it…

I cut myself again several times over the next week or two. And I made sure not to let anyone know this time. Not one single person. I couldn’t last very long in between cutting…while I felt better as I was doing it, that feeling stopped so quickly after I was done. It was like being pulled down into a vortex that just swallowed you up. Quick, slippery, frantic, swirling, falling, dark, helpless. But even as much as I hated it, I was determined to run full on into it. If I dove in deep enough maybe it would finally be enough to get me away from everything.

Interrupted

My plan was good to go, until it got interrupted by God. June 28th, 2015, we left for Jackson, MS, so I could go to Ballet Magnificat’s Summer Dance Intensive. I was staying on campus this time instead of with my family in a hotel like I had the years before. I figured this would work well actually, because there would be no one to stop me during those two weeks.

However, as my parents left and I stood there alone in the dorm room, I felt something deep down inside, buried under my stubbornness but still alive and steady, assuring me I had to let God change my heart here during this camp. Before that voice faded, I wrote a note to myself saying, “Whatever it takes. Do it!” Sometimes staring at those words was the only thing that made me hold on, and I almost gave up several times, but in my moment of crisis God always showed up with a reminder of His love for me.

Letting Go of My Need to Control

When you’ve been living your life trying to control it all yourself, it is painfully difficult to remember how to surrender and trust God to have the reigns, but it is necessary and it is worth it. He will pull your fingers open as gently as you allow Him to.

I didn’t notice it happening, but God changed me drastically during those two weeks in Ballet Magnificat’s intensive. At the end of my time there, I wrote out what God had shown me about anxiety and my desire for control over my life and emotions. I was seeing then that I could go to Him when I was anxious and overwhelmed and He would hold me. I was realizing that I could dump my emotions – even the ugly ones – on Him and that He could heal the hurt better than any cover-up trick I could try, if only I would trust Him to take care of my heart in His way and His timing. He is my Shelter from the craziness of this world and the craziness of my heart.  I needed to remember these things.

Related Posts:

How To Quit Cutting
Resisting the Urge to Cut
Verses of Hope for Self-Harm

Could I Stay Clean?

Coming back home, I worried about what would happen when real life hit again. Would I make it? Would I break again? I didn’t want to break; I actually wanted to get better now. But I was still so tired and worn down from my previous battles, did I have the ability to actually hold out and make it when things got hard? I looked online at people sharing stories of self-harm. They talked about how they had gone seven months without cutting, or three years free from it. It felt somewhat depressing. I had barely made it two weeks without cutting and many times I felt like it would kill me to keep fighting it. How could I ever reach seven months??

Today, I can give you that answer: you get there one day, one moment, at a time. You get there, not by resolving to last for however long without messing up, but by submitting in your heart to give up your will and your way and to run to God in every pain and bump that you face. You walk hand in hand with Him moment by moment, day by day, and then one day you stop and look over your shoulder in amazement because…

Now I Celebrate

Today, June 28th, 2016, I celebrate one year free from cutting! It was not impossible. I could not have gotten myself out of it, but with God, all things are possible. It is not us working our way out but simply being open and surrendered to His work in our hearts that brings us freedom and lasting victory.

God promises us this in the Bible:

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13

“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’” – Matthew 19:26

God Understands Your Pain

For those of you who struggle with cutting or self-harm, either that the thought keeps chasing you or that you feel stuck going back to it, please know that God understands your pain and He is the only true Healer of our hearts.

You may be able to trick your brain for a short time by hurting your body, but in the end it is only hurting your heart further. By giving up on running from your pain, and instead facing it and bringing it before Jesus, He can offer a deeper, truer, comfort and He can mend the brokenness. His love is deeper than your skin, just like your pain. He can reach you more fully than a blade can. The relief won’t feel the same as cutting does, but it will be more complete and long lasting if you wait patiently at His feet and keep coming back to Him.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18

Breaking Free

To anyone who struggles, whether it be with self-harm or something totally different, whatever sin it is that you feel like you won’t be able to stay away from, that you are doomed to be drug back there forever, that you don’t know if you really do have the strength to get past: you really can make it. You can break free. You can leave the old patterns and lies behind. You don’t have to keep going back, and you don’t have to fear messing up again once you stop.

Yeah, you may trip, but God understands and has compassion on you. He won’t condemn you. You can instantly run back to Him for a hug when you do mess up. But also, you don’t have to trip! If you simply focus on keeping your gaze locked on Him, you won’t have to worry about sin suddenly pulling you down. He will keep your feet from slipping and will teach you to walk in His will. It is possible for “never again” to really mean never again, if you lean on your Savior’s strength and not your own.

“As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.” – Psalm 18:30-32

“Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” – Psalm 94:17-19

Breaking Free Indeed   -Amanda

This post was originally published here.

Consequences of Cutting

by Dawson McAllister

I have been, for the last several weeks, blogging about cutting. It is not easy, or pretty. But neither is cancer, and we deal with it everyday. Cutting is a nasty, horrific addiction. There is nothing quite like it, short of suicide. Though most cutters would claim they don’t want to kill themselves, they just like the sight of their blood, and the high it brings. Andi said she’s been cutting for a year and a half, even though she doesn’t remember why she started.
consequences of cutting

Hours locked in the bathroom at home, or on the floor of a dirty bathroom stall, the cutter carries her precious tools with her wherever she goes ready at any time to take matters into her own hands. To relieve the emotional pressure and pain she can’t describe, she resorts to slicing into her own skin. The dripping blood reminds her she’s still alive. No one to talk to, she settles for self-injury. The blade is her fake friend. The shame and the scars, her constant companions. Just trying to find her way through the rocky road of life, she can’t help but turn inward.

I don’t want to be anything but compassionate toward someone caught in the struggle of cutting. But there is a time when it’s necessary to call it what it is and expose the destructive consequences of cutting.

Cutting Causes

1) Paralyzing, Emotional Pain

No one cuts to end up paralyzed in her own emotional pain. But somewhere down the road, that’s where she finds herself. Someone wrote and told me that after the high of cutting wears off, you are left with even more pain. I quit the cutting because someone once told me the truth, that you only forget about your emotional pain for a moment. It’s like a drug you come down from it and you feel much worse than you did before because you have to deal with the emotional pain that comes from cutting on top of whatever emotional pain you were already feeling.

Dara said she cut for two years, but still carries the weight of the emotional pain with her. The couple minutes of relief are not worth the months of hiding and uncomfortable situations when people find out.

People who begin cutting are convinced their self-medication works. It is a shattering experience to find out later on, not only does it not work, but it is extremely emotionally destructive.

2) A Body Full of Ugly Scars

One has to wonder how many countless hours and schemes cutters use to hide their physical scars…permanent reminders of their tragic mistakes. Eddie started cutting when he was twelve. I thought it was for me to take all my anger and frustrations out on myself, but I noticed the scars it leaves will always remind me of my mistakes.

Sidney is 14 and has been cutting since she was nine. Those scars are there forever and every time I see them I’m going to be so sad about why I [cut].

Cutting is an ugly scar-giving enemy, who will constantly remind you of a dark past you don't want to remember. Click To Tweet

Not only are you left with scars for the rest of your life, it’s also very possible to get infections from cutting with something that is dirty or not sterile. It is also extremely possible to misjudge the depth of a cut, actually requiring stitches or even hospitalization. You can pass out or even bleed to death. You don’t want to die, I’m sure of that. Let’s face it, cutting is an ugly scar-giving enemy, who will constantly remind you of a dark past no one would want to repeat, or remember.

3) A Sick Web of Addiction

Most cutters never intend to become addicted to it. Liz said, for her, cutting was worse than drugs because she wanted to do it all the time. You don’t care where you are…it’s almost like you can’t go on without it.

Related Posts:
5 Things to Know About A Door of Hope
Why Do People Self-Harm?
Real Story: Artist Michaela Hatfield
How To Quit Cutting

Cutting can easily become a compulsive behavior, meaning the more you do it, the more you feel the need to do it. Your brain starts to connect the false sense of relief with cutting. The next time you feel the pressure building, your brain craves this relief. The urge to cut can seem too hard to resist. Your attempt to feel a sense of control over your life has ended up controlling you.

Cutting is an attempt to feel in control over your life, but ends up controlling you instead. Click To Tweet

JS commented about how all through high school she would try to stop, but then would go back to it shortly after. Then I would feel horrible when I finished cutting. The highs weren’t lasting as long and the crash was even worse. So I began cutting more, deeper, and more frequently. Being very interested in psychology I knew the chemical reasons, but I was already hooked and couldn’t stop.

You know I care about you very much…enough to tell you the truth. But let’s get down to it. If you are a cutter, it’s time for you step back and take a good look at what you’re doing to yourself. It’s time to tell yourself the truth. It’s also time to figure out how to resist your urge to cut.

Are you addicted to cutting?

  • Does the cutting actually help you deal with the emotional pain you’re going through, or does it just cover it up?
  • Do you feel more worthless and stupid the more scars you see on your body?
  • Are your friends worried about your cutting?
  • Do you spend large amounts of time trying to hide your cutting?
  • Have you told yourself you want to quit, but can’t?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you or someone you know, needs to read, How to Quit Cutting for Good.  It could be a life-changer.

If you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, check out TheHopeLine’s free eBook.

7 Reasons Why I’m Happier Living a Sober Life

 

Why should I be sober

This Guest Post is written by Trevor McDonald, a recovering addict and alcoholic who’s been clean and sober for over 5 years.  With that perspective, he gives many answers to the question, Why should I be sober? Since his recovery began, he has enjoyed using his talent for words to help others who face the same struggles he did. He is also an outreach coordinator for Sober Nation. 

I Believed the Myth – Sober Life = Boring Life

If you get all your life views from television and movies, you might think sober life is boring. At least, that’s what I thought. On TV, the people who were sober never had any fun. I never wanted to be “that guy.”

Maybe that’s why I always associated alcohol with fun. From the time I was 16, I would grab a beer or a bottle of vodka whenever it was time to kick back and let loose.

When someone on TV needs to let off some steam, what do they do? Most of the time, they drink. So we learn to do the same. But for some of us, these habits can lead down a dark and disturbing path.

When I Realized I Had a Problem with Alcohol

People like to ask when I realized my partying had turned to alcoholism. The truth is that I don’t exactly know, but it doesn’t matter. My drinking was always a problem. It’s really not healthy to think of alcohol as an escape or a source of fun.

It wasn’t until I got sober that I realized how far I had fallen.

I thought back to the days of my youth and remembered what it was like to have pure unadulterated fun – without the use of a crutch. I so wanted to feel that again.

It did take some time and work, but I finally got there. Now, I can say that I’m leaps and bounds happier than I ever was while I was drinking.

Here are 7 reasons why I’m happier living a sober life.

1. I have more energy

Between hangovers and lack of sleep, I was in a constant state of fatigue. In the morning, I would guzzle what felt like a gallon of coffee only to lose steam by about 2 p.m. More coffee was the only solution until I could have more alcohol.
I thought alcoholics drank all day, so I limited myself to drinking after 5 p.m. I was wrong about the time thing, but at least my unfounded beliefs kept me sober for a few hours.

After 5 p.m., I had to make up for lost time. That’s when I’d have a bottle or two of wine. And things only got worse from there. Somehow, the alcohol energized me until I drank so much that I’d just pass out. This was often in the wee hours of the night. Without fail, the alarm went off at 6 a.m. every morning, and I’d get up and do it again.

I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck, but I still did it all over again, and again.

When I finally got sober, I remembered what it was like to have energy. I was able to function during the day like a real person. It’s an amazing feeling!

What Sleep, Food, and Exercise have to do with Recovery:

2. My Appearance Improved

I think I’ve always been a little vain, so when I got into my late 20s and started noticing wrinkles, I became motivated.
Alcohol was bad for my skin and overall appearance. I knew this, but still when I looked in the mirror, I lied to myself, convincing myself that it was all part of the natural aging process. Some people have better genes than others. But deep down, I knew that alcohol was destroying my looks.

When I got sober, I realized the extent of the damage I was doing. I saw it in the mirror, but the real wake-up call came in the compliments I got from everyone around me.

3. I have more money

Even if you buy the cheapest booze, alcoholism is expensive. You know how marketers love to compare everything with the price of coffee? When you’re a recovering alcoholic, you start comparing things with the price of alcohol. Because that’s when you realize how much you’ve spent on alcohol for so long.

Now, I can take a vacation with the money I save from not buying alcohol every day.

4. I made room for fitness

I used to work out a bit in my hard partying days, but it was different. It was motivated by the thought that I had to do something to counter the effects of the alcohol. If I didn’t, I’d surely have a giant beer belly. I had one, don’t get me wrong, but I knew it would be worse.

But when I got sober, working out became about finding the best version of myself. I started pushing my limits and I loved seeing the results in the mirror.

5. I remember each moment

When I was drinking, I’d have a lot of blackouts. These were periods where I would wake up and not remember what I did the night before. There were moments of terror and embarrassment as I vaguely recalled acting like a fool.

But it wasn’t just the blackouts that were a problem. My memories of my sober moments were even fuzzy. It was as if my head was in a cloud.

When I got sober, I felt like I regained my lost mental abilities. I felt like I could keep up with life again.

6. My immune system is stronger

Alcohol depletes the body of hydration and nutrients that help strengthen your immune system. When I was drinking, I was always getting sick. I had this seemingly eternal cough that I would tell people was allergies, but I always wondered. When I stopped drinking, it went away and I haven’t had a cold since.

Staying Clean After an Addiction

7. I’m comfortable in my own skin

Most importantly for me, I learned how to love myself when I stopped drinking. The distractions and crutches were gone, and I was able to work on my relationship with myself.

If you’re struggling now and thinking about getting sober, it’s time to take the next step. It may be time to connect with an alcoholism and rehabilitation facility that can help you through the process.

-Trevor

If you are wanting to check out a rehabilitation facility, TheHopeLine partners with Banyan Treatment Center

*The organization referenced in the author’s bio is not a partner of TheHopeLine.

Relationship Disasters – What Not to Do: EP 22

Questions to Ask Before Starting to Date

In This Episode:

Even before you begin to date, there are some questions you need to ask yourself and then answer which could save you from a lot of pain, heartache and relationship disasters. In this episode, I talk with Dustin about his unrealistic expectations with dating. Then I talk with Blake, who jumped into dating and a physical relationship way too quickly. Lastly, Jessica and I have a conversation about her dating over 150 guys in one year and how she’s needs to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

Unrealistic Expectations

Dustin met a girl on a dating website. Dustin soon realized he has too much going on to date a girl who lives 2 hours away. Plus, he’s not attracted to her but he’s still dating her.

In my conversation with Dustin, it became clear he had unrealistic expectations about what dating could do for him.

  • Dustin should have asked himself am I genuinely attracted to this girl or am I settling for less, just so I can be in a relationship?

If you are dating and realize this person is not the one you want to keep dating then don’t drag it out. Sometimes we attempt to keep the relationship going when we should have ended it. Dustin went into the relationship with high expectations, even though she didn’t meet them, he kept dating her anyway. What a mistake! Dustin is settling for a girl he’s not attracted to, just to be in a relationship.

  • Dustin should also have asked himself, “Do I have enough time and emotional energy to give to the relationship?”

Dustin isn’t in a good place to start a relationship. Why is he even looking for someone right now? He has too much on his plate already. It should be a clue he’s not ready to seriously date. Successful dating relationships take time and can’t be pushed, manipulated, or made into something it’s not. Dustin was trying to force a relationship with her even though she wasn’t the right girl and it wasn’t the right time.

  • Dustin should have asked himself a very direct question: “Am I looking to this girl to make me feel complete?”

Spiritual and Emotional Completeness

No woman is going to make Dustin feel whole for very long. A true spiritual and emotional completeness comes only from a deep relationship with Jesus Christ. His love never fails us. His wisdom is beyond our wildest imagination. His plans for us are always the best. King David, a great king in the Bible said, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.” Psalm 7: 4-5

God knows our desires and knows what we need, who else can helps us like God? We are easily fooled but God is never. If we seek Him with all of our heart, all our other desires will take care of themselves.

If the person is not the ONE you want to keep dating then don’t drag it out. #relationships Click To Tweet

Jumped into Dating Way Too Quickly

Blake and his girlfriend jumped into dating way too quickly. It became physical even though neither of them intended it to be.

  • Blake should have asked himself, “Is this relationship spinning out of control?”

Don’t let the powerful feelings of false intimacy, stirred up by the misuse of sex, fool you into thinking you have an awesome relationship. In reality, you don’t! It’s just a matter of time until the whole thing will fall apart. That’s what happened to Blake. They weren’t even friends and didn’t know how to fix it. Sex was a cloud over their relationship that kept it from growing and led it to be out of control. Don’t let that happen to you!

Don’t let false intimacy, stirred up by sex, fool you into thinking you have a great relationship. Click To Tweet

Epitome of a Relationship Disaster

Jessica blew my mind. Here is a young woman who has dated over 150 guys in one year. She said she’s the epitome of a relationship disaster.

  • Jessica needed to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

She has developed a full-blown addiction to guys. She keeps going with a different guy nearly every night but it doesn’t work. She always comes up empty and yet craving for more. She’s turned guys into a god. There’s no way these guys could ever meet her needs. She’s looking to them to do for her what only God can do.

Carousel of Heartbreak

Don’t ever let someone you are dating turn into a god. Only God can be God. Only God can fill your emptiness. One could date a million guys, still come up empty and still trapped on a carousel of heartbreak. Only Jesus Christ can rescue Jessica from the blinding, cruel carousel. The last thing she needs to do is go after one more guy. She needs a whole new personal healing. She needs to put first things first and get her life out of reverse. Jesus said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

Don’t let who you're dating turn into a god. Only God can be God. Only God can fill your emptiness. Click To Tweet

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

My hope is you will continually ask yourself important questions and be honest with the answers. Be very careful before starting to date because you could end up with scars God never intended you to have. With God’s help, you can develop a healthy, happy dating experience and that is my hope for you.

Resources for Relationships:

  • Check out these stories of hope from people who have struggled in their relationship: Relationship Issues, and My Relationship, Depression and Then Hope
  • Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
  • Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.
With God’s help, you can develop a healthy, happy dating experience. @dawsonradio #RelationshipGoals Click To Tweet

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on how to deal with anger. Everybody struggles with it, you, me and the guy down the street and that’s why God speaks about it so much in the Bible. I had a chance to talk with 3 people: Evie, Donald and Matthew about their anger. I think you will be moved by their honesty but also the serious traps they could fall into if they don’t deal with it.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

 

Is Your Toxic Relationship Sucking the Life out of You? EP 21

Above All Else, Guard Your Heart…

In This Episode:

Do you have a relationship sucking the life and energy from you? Maybe you don’t even realize your relationship is dragging you down. If it’s poisoning your self-esteem and happiness then chances are it’s extremely toxic, which means…time to get out! In this episode, I talk with Ashely about all the toxic, hurtful things her messed up boyfriend does to her. Then I talk with Kelsea, who’s boyfriend is sucking the life out of her causing her to be confused and miserable. Lastly, I talk with Jess. He and his girlfriend keep going back to the destructive parts of their relationship causing confusion, hurt and chaos in their relationship.

Hurt Repeatedly

Ashley’s messed up boyfriend has hurt her repeatedly. He’s done many terrible things, including:

  • Bringing way too much drama to the relationship
  • Stolen money from Ashley
  • Left her all alone
  • Lied to her countless times
  • Doesn’t take responsibility for his children
  • Repeatedly breaks his promises

He’s also a player, a user, an abuser and is a guy lacking a conscience. As you can tell, there is no question, Ashley is in a toxic relationship. The longer she stays in it, the more difficult it will be for her to end it.

The good news is Ashley has friends who will support her. She’s not alone. God is with her to help her do what she must do. As scary as it is, Ashley should have a restraining order put on him, and break off all contact, even if it means she must move away. But as long as she gives him hope, he’ll hang around, trying all of his tricks again and again. Ashley needs to cut off all ties with him, no matter what.

Is your relationship sucking the life and energy out of you? #realtionships Click To Tweet

Confused and Miserable

Kelsea’s been dating a guy for 2 years. He’s caused Kelsea to be confused and miserable because:

  • He like many other toxic people have trust issues.
  • He is talking to another girl. He even goes to this girl’s apartment alone. He’s told this other girl he has feelings for her, and sends her inappropriate texts and pictures.
  • He lies to Kelsea repeatedly.
  • He brings a lot of terrible drama to her life. She finds herself sitting in the counselor’s office at school, crying her eyes out.

It’s all so sad! Kelsea’s boyfriend is toxic and he’s sucking the life right out of her, causing her to be miserable, and confused. So, even though Kelsea is beginning to recognize the cruel things he has done to her, she feels he still loves her. Why would she believe that? No one else does. Everybody else knows he’s a loser but she keeps telling herself lies about him. She fears if she ever faces the truth, she would have to leave him and to her that would be the ultimate heartbreak. She would rather have a crushing, toxic relationship than no relationship at all.

Would you rather have a crushing, toxic relationship than no relationship at all? @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

It Takes Courage to Leave a Toxic Relationship

Sometimes when people are single, they feel like they’ve failed. But really, they are just without a boyfriend or girlfriend at the time. It’s not forever. They tie their self-worth to if they have a relationship with someone. Their whole self-esteem cries out, “Better to be in a toxic relationship than be single.” That, of course, is a lie.

It takes far more courage to leave a toxic relationship and be single and healthy than to stay in the toxic relationship. There will always be people to date but the question is, who is this person? Am I growing when I’m with them? Am I just going to plow into another relationship unprotected and clamoring to meet needs the other person can’t meet?

It takes courage to leave a toxic #relationship and be single and healthy than to stay. @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

Mixed Signals and Obsession

Jess and his girlfriend have drama and chaos in their relationship. They are sleeping together causing confusion and hurt. They find themselves going back to the destructive part of their relationship.

His girlfriend’s hurting him by acting like she loves him again and then breaks it off. This is not healthy. There’s too much confusion with her mixed signals and his obsession to be with her. Their relationship is toxic.

If you don’t break off a toxic relationship, you are feeding it, making matters worse.  Toxic relationships never die on their own. Someone has to put an end to the whole thing and that’s never easy. But in the future, you’ll be able to look back and say why did it take so long for me to end it?

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

The Bible commands we are to guard our hearts but few people really do. Most don’t stop to ask the hard questions or show a willingness to even consider who the other person is, or whether or not they bring toxicity with them. People will always pay a price when they jump into a relationship without first committing to guard their heart.

The Bible in Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” God says for us to guard our hearts above all things. That means YOU need to guard your own heart, no one else will do it for you.

If you are in a toxic relationship, it’s not too late for you to start to guard your heart. It’s time to break off ties with someone who is only bringing you pain and heartache. Then ask God to heal your brokenness and commit to guarding your heart. Ask God for wisdom to do all of this. as Jesus said, “Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” Matthew 10:16.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. - Proverbs 4:23 Click To Tweet

Resources for Identifying a Toxic Relationship:

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Join me for my next episode on questions you need to ask yourself before you start dating someone. Questions which could save you from a lot of pain and heartache. In this episode, I talk with Dustin about his unrealistic expectations with dating. Then I talk with Blake, who jumped into dating and a physical relationship way too quickly. Lastly, Jessica and I have a conversation about her dating over 150 guys in one year and how she’s needs to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

 

Resisting The Urge To Cut Yourself

by Dawson McAllister

never-stop-hoping

In my blog How to Quit Cutting for Good I talked about 3 things to focus on to help you quit cutting: Talk it out, Wake up to your actual feelings, and Seek God.

Once you decide you’re committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober and stay free from this horrible addiction.

Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. Here are some practical ideas to help you or someone you know be set free.

Stop feeding the Cutting monster – wait it out

Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don’t act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you’re making that urge stronger kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.
Stop feeding the cutting monster - wait it out! Click To Tweet

Distract yourself from the desire to cut

One of the best ways to let the urge to cut pass is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you’re feeling the deep cravings to cut, and get your mind off of it. It’s impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this..

  1. Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what’s comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
  2. Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body so physically it too is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
  3. Exercise Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
  4. Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
  5. Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
  6. Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
  7. Listen to positive music. It will definitely help to change your mood.
  8. Write in your journal. Learn to express your feelings through writing.
  9. Create art, or some kind of creative hobby.
  10. Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Some people cut out of sheer boredom.

Natalia put it this way: I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.

Resist the urge to cut by distracting yourself with someone or something else. Click To Tweet

The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.

  1. Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
  2. Wear a rubber band on your wrist, and snap it when you feel the urge.
  3. Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
  4. Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.

Resist Urge to CutAngel said rubber bands have helped her. I’ve learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself. Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. So I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don’t cut…and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible, and stopping is realistic.

Tell your story

The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling.

Stop thinking about yourself so much, and focus on other cutters who need your help.

Related Posts:
A Door of Hope
Why Do People Self-Harm?
Real Story: Artist Michaela Hatfield
How To Quit Cutting

The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: I’m proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self destructive behavior. Everyday is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.

Think About your Future without Cutting

You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you’d like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction. Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: If I don’t quit cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren’t going to work out the way I dream they will.

Cyndal said: I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, ‘Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?’ That really made me think, ‘WOW, what would I tell my children?’ And it made me cry for a really long time”

I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: It’s a challenge everyday, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture. When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have other options besides cutting.

Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you.

For more help on how to stop self-harming, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Self-Harm and Cutting.

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