The deeper we have gone into the subject of lying, the more we see how much pain and stress it causes everyone involved. Sadly, all of us have been affected by lying, whether our own or someone else’s. I’ve been encouraged by those who have been helped by these blogs and want to live an honest life.

Honesty Brings Peace
Lying is extremely stressful. It causes you to be constantly looking over your shoulder and wondering who might be finding you out. You’re always running through the lies you’ve told in your head, trying to keep track of what you’ve told to which person, and what’s the next lie you need to tell. When you’re honest, you don’t have those worries, or the negative consequences of your lies. Sarah added:When you’re honest, you don’t feel so lost all the time.

Roiselyn commented: I can say that not lying is a very relaxing way of life. The fact you don’t have to worry about remembering old lies or getting in trouble later on for lying puts a lot more relief in your life. Even when it’s hard, telling the truth always has the better outcome than a bunch of lies.

People are constantly looking to see who they can trust and who they can’t. People are actually much more perceptive and aware of who tells the truth and who doesn’t. Over time, honesty shows itself as a trait that is beautiful and deeply respected. As you begin to live lie-free, you will begin to see people will trust and respect you more and more.

If you resist the temptation to lie, you increase your capacity to build lasting relationships of trust. This is true in all our relationships whether it’s dating, family, friends, or at work. Macey put it so well: The truth always comes around. It’s always best to be honest it makes any and every relationship strong and healthy.

Being honest and open has actually gotten me further than lying.

Honesty Builds Integrity

Integrity is a word few use, and less understand. Yet if you have it, it is priceless. If you are a person of integrity, it means your walk matches your talk…you do what you say you’re going to do, and when you say something, people know you mean what you say. It means you can be trusted. The opposite of integrity is hypocrisy…saying one thing and doing another.

Someone commented about the value of being honest: I used to lie a lot. I would lie only because it was easier than explaining the truth. And I have finally grown to realize that it’s easier to [be honest]. Being honest and open has actually gotten me further than lying. My parents trust me, and I feel good about myself. And when you feel good about yourself then you know that everything is okay. This person has come to realize the pain of hypocrisy and the joy of integrity. When we tell the truth and live it, we become emotionally and spiritually stronger everyday.

I want to offer up a challenge to all of us. Would you be willing to commit to a life of honesty and integrity? If you’re up for this life-changing challenge, please write me a comment below, and tell a friend about your commitment, too.

For more information and help, click the link below to download TheHopeLine® eBook, “Understanding Lying.”

Most everybody, at one time or another, has lied. Tell the truth now: that includes you and me. In fact, some people, sad to say, lie almost all the time. Psychologists call these people compulsive or psychopathic liars. They tell lies even when they don’t have to. Even the youngest of children will lie, especially if they think by doing it they won’t get punished for something. When children first learn how lying works, they lack the moral understanding of when to refrain from doing it.

Because lying can have such destructive and harmful consequences to both the liar and the one being lied to, I’ve written a series of blogs on lying.

There are different kinds of lies, as well as different degrees of lying. It seems so many people I talk to have a problem with lying whether it’s their own, or someone else’s.

While maybe everybody lies at some point, few understand how destructive it can be, why we do it, and how to stop it. So let’s answer those questions.

Let’s begin by defining what lying is:

Lying is saying something with the intent of creating a false belief or impression. It’s an attempt to get someone to believe something that is not true.

Lying – Self Evaluation

* How many lies do you think you have told this last week?
* Who did you tell the lies to?
* Why did you tell the lies?
* How do you feel about the lies you told now?

Sometimes a lie might seem unintentional, or it may have been told to save someone else’s feelings. For example, someone may say to another, “That sure is a pretty dress!”, when the person knows it’s ugly. We all have the capacity to lie.

Why do people lie?

FEAR

It was Tad Williams who said, “We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.” People can be so afraid of what might happen if they told the truth. Maybe they have done something wrong and are afraid of the consequences of their actions, so they lie to cover up what they did. As is  often said about political scandals: It’s not the crime that gets you in trouble, nearly as much as the cover-up.

MANIPULATION

Lies are typically motivated by a desire to get other people to either do something or not do something, or to make a decision in the favor of the person doing the lying. Someone might lie to get something they desire such as sex, money, status, power, love, etc. Lori said: “I’m young, but I realized quickly lustful people know how to get what they want, even if it means lying to you about how they feel.” Probably the word love is used in more lies than any other. How often a guy will say to a girl (or vice versa), “I love you”, simply to get the other person emotionally stirred-up, so they can be more easily manipulated.

PRIDE

Many times, a person will lie because of pride. They use it for nothing more than a tool to create a favorable image of themselves. This leads to exaggeration, which is a form of lying. Often people will create fascinating, yet completely false, stories to improve their image.

Bottom line: We deceive other people because we think it serves our purposes in some way. And it’s easy!

What’s the big deal about lying?

It becomes an addiction.

When you get away with a lie it often drives you to continue your deceptions, and in the process, we ruin relationships, hurt others, lose our integrity, and lose our peace. Truth becomes a feared enemy of the liar. It’s a sick and tragic cycle that doesn’t ever have a happy ending.

Lying may seem simple and harmless at first, but just like any addiction, you’ll soon find yourself trapped and entangled more than you could have ever imagined.

Liars don’t have peace.

 Lying is extremely stressful. It causes you to be constantly looking over your shoulder and wondering who might be finding you out. You’re always running through the lies you’ve told in your head, trying to keep track of what you’ve told to which person, and what’s the next lie you need to tell. When you’re honest, you don’t have those worries, or the negative consequences of your lies.

Roiselyn commented: “I can say that not lying is a very relaxing way of life.” The fact that you don’t have to worry about remembering old lies or getting in trouble later on when the truth comes out (because it always does) puts a lot more relief in your life. Even when it’s hard, telling the truth always has the better outcome than a bunch of lies.

Lies ruin relationships.

 People are constantly looking to see who they can trust and who they can’t. People are actually much more perceptive and aware of who tells the truth and who doesn’t. Over time, honesty shows itself as a trait that is beautiful and deeply respected.  Liars are not respected.

This is true in all our relationships whether it’s dating, family, friends, or at work. Macey put it so well: “It’s always best to be honest. It makes any and every relationship strong and healthy.

Someone commented about the value of being honest: “I used to lie a lot. I would lie only because it was easier than explaining the truth. And I have finally grown to realize that it’s easier to [be honest]. Being honest and open has actually gotten me further than lying. My parents trust me, and I feel good about myself. And when you feel good about yourself then you know that everything is okay.” This person has come to realize that when we tell the truth and live it, we become emotionally and spiritually stronger every day.

Honesty Challenge

I want to offer up a challenge to all of us. Would you be willing to commit to a life of honesty and integrity? If you’re up for this life-changing challenge, please write me a comment below, and tell a friend about your commitment too.

For more information and help, click the link below to download this FREE eBook created by TheHopeLine®.

My blogs about of lying have generated a tremendous response. It seems everyone has been affected one way or the other by lies. Everyone agrees lying is a destructive habit that hurts you and everyone around you. This week, I want to talk about the powerful and damaging effects of lying. So how does lying hurt all of us?

Everyone agrees that lying hurts you and everyone around you.

Lying Destroys Relationships

If you’ve ever been lied to, you know how difficult it can be to ever trust that person again. You can’t help but wonder why a friend or family member would treat you so poorly. I received a comment from Brooke, who said:My dad lies to us (my brothers and I) about going out to bars and drinking. He doesn’t think we will find out but he is always wrong! I tell him how much it hurts us each time he does lie but he just keeps on lying. The worst lie he has told me was that he was with my brother and not at the barbut I was with my brother.

When you lie, even if you think others will never find out, you will almost certainly create a barrier of hurt in your relationship. Rebecca said: I am a single mom of a teenage daughter. Her continuous lies have created a huge barrier in our relationship. I always catch her in lies and it hurts. The lying escalated to sneaking around doing things with friends I don’t approve of and that hurts.

Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it’s nearly impossible to regain trust. This has been Ally’s experience. She said:Once someone has lied to you, it somehow always happens again.

Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying, and they usually do, it’s nearly impossible to regain trust.

Jessie said: When I was little, I told lies all the time, and never felt guilty about them. But then something happened that I needed to tell someone about, and nobody believed me. My early lying paved the way for years of heartache. Now, I never lie. Ever. It’s just not worth it. When you need the trust of others that you’ve lost, it’s the worst feeling in the world.

So what do you want your relationships to be based on? Lies that you tell, in order to protect yourself, or to avoid conflict? Or do you want relationships to be based on a commitment to honesty and integrity, regardless of the hard times? It’s up to you to decide.

When you lie, it’s like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go.

Lying Destroys You with its Vicious Cycle

When you continue to lie, it’s like putting a giant rock on your back and having to carry it around everywhere you go. It is a relationship destroyer that ends up destroying you.

A fellow blogger wrote to me about his problem with lying: I have a lying problem and it has been causing issues ever since I was a little kid. The worst part is how I have to constantly break ties with people so I won’t get caught in the lies I’ve told. So time and time again I find myself all alone, with no friends and a lot of places I have to avoid. And I can’t even blame anybody else because it’s my fault for telling those lies in the first place and then not being able to face up to them.

Lying destroys us because it takes us into a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to get free from. Once you tell a lie, you usually have to lie again to cover up the first lie, and you feel even worse. Steven H. said: Lies grow, they never stand alone, they need more lies to support the first lie. So, if you don’t fess up immediately…it grows like a cancer. It cannot be stopped. 

Whitney said: “For me lying is like a drug, an addiction. I have become used to lying – it comes out without me even thinking or realizing I am doing it. To me, lying is so bad I sometimes think I’m lying to myself.”

It’s time for you to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of your life.

People who are trapped in a cycle of lying become controlled by fear – a fear of not only being found out as a liar, but also having the truth uncovered about themselves. Jordan said: “I’ve lied to my parents a lot. The know almost nothing about me, except for who I pretend to be. I wish I could clear the air with them but I know they wouldn’t accept the true me, so instead I lie to please them. I wish I had told the truth.”Jordan fails to understand that he can clear the air with his parents and have the freedom of walking in the truth.

It all comes down to this: Lying comes with a huge cost – it destroys lives. Relationships will crumble and people will refuse to trust you. But the person most hurt by your lying is you. It’s time for all of us to make a bold decision to never let lies have any part of our lives. Are you up for it?

For more information and help, click the link below to download TheHopeLine® eBook, “Understanding Lying.”