Depression

7 Ways to Support a Friend or Loved One with Depression

by Dawson McAllister

I love my friends and family. I don’t want any of them to struggle, suffer, or feel pain, especially not when I feel like I might be able to help.

If you love someone who has a depression diagnosis, it can be difficult to know what to do. After all, you can’t fix their brain chemistry, give them more energy, or change any difficult circumstances in their life.

But don’t despair. There are a lot of ways you can help.

Listen

Listening is crucial for the success of any friendship or relationship, but it’s especially powerful for your friend with depression to know they’re heard. It helps counter their feelings of isolation and reminds them that they are indeed worthy of your time and attention.

Listening is crucial for the success of any friendship or relationship. #depression #friends Click To Tweet

Affirm

People with depression have often told me that one of the most frustrating things they experience is feeling like it’s “all in their head”, or that they’re just being “too emotional” and overdramatic. Affirming that you understand why something is sad or frustrating goes a long way toward helping your friend feel more grounded – and less alone.

Encourage

As you talk to your friend, you might learn about specific things that make their depression more difficult. For example, perhaps they feel guilty for not getting everything done on their to-do list because they had a hard time getting out of bed. You could encourage them by letting them know that you understand how hard it can be for them to get going. Let them know you’re proud of them for all they’ve accomplished so far. Celebrate whatever victories you can along the way, however small they may seem on the surface.

The Do’s (And Don’ts) When Your Friend Is Battling Depression

Learn

There are tons of resources out there to help you learn about depression and other mental illness. Doing some research can empower you to be able to better support people in your life with depression. Maybe you and your friend can even learn together by listening to a podcast or reading through a book.

Share Quality Time

Meet for tea or coffee. Watch their favorite movie. Share a meal together. Sure, you can talk about how they’re feeling. But don’t make every conversation about their diagnosis. Remember to laugh and have fun along the way. If possible, silence your phone so you can focus on your friend. Being present can increase their sense of connection with you, which may help to alleviate some of their sadness or loneliness.

If possible, silence your phone so you can focus on your friend that is depressed. #depression #friends Click To Tweet

Check In

Text or call now and then just to see how they’re doing. It’s a simple way to brighten someone’s day and let them know they matter.

Pray

You can pray for your loved one with depression anytime. If prayer is part of your daily routine, put them on your prayer list. Ask them if they need more specific prayer. Next time, you read an encouraging or uplifting verse, share it with your friend to remind them of God’s love and care for their heart and their circumstances.

Find Out More

You probably already do a lot of these things for your friends and loved ones. Keep it up! Even choosing one or two of them to do with intention whenever you see your friend will make a big difference.

It can seem overwhelming when you friend, loved one, or family member has depression. If you need help along the way, we offer mental health resources, prayer, and mentorship. All you have to do is reach out.

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

Just a Bad Week or Depression? How to Tell the Difference

by Dawson McAllister

Life can be difficult and saddening. Whether you’re grieving, dealing with a tough relationship, or just feel like you have the blues, it’s easy to feel weighed down. I can remember many times when I felt isolated, ashamed, or lonely and had a tough time tracing it back to a specific cause.

Sometimes that feeling of heaviness can last for a while. But how do you know if you’re just having a bad week, or if there’s something more going on? What shifts our mental state from “feeling blue” to a depression diagnosis?

How do you know if you’re just having a bad week, or if there’s something more going on? #depression Click To Tweet

What are Your Symptoms?

First, it’s a good idea to know some specific clinical depression symptoms so you can be more aware of when you’re experiencing them.

Feeling sad, weepy, or empty (and often unable to explain it)
Significant weight loss or gain within the last month that seems unconnected to dieting
Insomnia or sleeping too much
Thoughts of death, dying, or suicide
Plans of suicide
Losing interest in or not enjoying your favorite activities
Irritability
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Feeling guilty without reason
Feeling worthless

Along with showing specific symptoms like these, people with diagnosed clinical depression experience them regardless of circumstances in their life.

If your symptoms are so strong that they negatively impact your life (your grades, your work performance, or your ability to get out of bed or get moving in the morning), it’s definitely time to seek help.

Another way to recognize that yours are depressive symptoms is knowing how often they occur, and how long they last.

If you’ve been experiencing 5 or more of these symptoms almost every day for 2 or more weeks, it may be time to visit a doctor for a mental health screening. Depending on your diagnosis and the severity of your symptoms, any of several solutions might be recommended.

Are You Depressed and Emotionally Exhausted? – EP 26

What are Your Options?

Talk Therapy: Discussing depression with a mentor, therapist or other mental health professional is a great way to understand why you feel the way you do and to make a plan for managing difficult thoughts and feelings.

Medication: Medication can help manage the physical side effects of depression and other mental illnesses. If you’re prescribed medication, it’s important to take it exactly as directed and not start (or stop) without a doctor’s supervision.

Nutrition and Exercise Plan: Sometimes what we eat and drink can affect our energy levels, which might impact depression symptoms. Your doctor or nutritionist can help you plan meals and snacks that work best for you.

Prayer and Meditation: Faith is a great way to remain strong and hopeful when struggling with depression.

Medication can help manage the physical side effects of #depression and other mental illnesses. #mentalhealth Click To Tweet

What’s the Next Step?

While everyone’s experience of depression is a little different, there’s always hope. You don’t have to receive a formal diagnosis to get support when feeling isolated, lonely, or sad.

Understanding depression is tough. But managing it (and living a healthy, happy life) is possible. Especially with people in your corner. We are here to support you, pray for you, and cheer you on every day. You can reach out; we’ll be here as soon as you do.

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

Are You Depressed and Emotionally Exhausted? – EP 26

There Is Hope for Depression

Overwhelmed and Depressed

Have you noticed there are many people who struggle with deep emotional issues? They are often sad and miserable and can stay that way for months, even years. These people are depressed. Depression is described as a prolonged unexplained sadness which affects everyday life.

If you are depressed, you may feel trapped beneath emotions of overwhelming sadness and hopelessness. Maybe you lack the motivation, energy, and strength to face life’s many challenges. The good news is there are many people who have won this debilitating emotional battle.

Join me as I talk with Samantha, Melissa, and Cody each who are in some way seeking to cope with their depression. I’ll also speak with Dustin who is creatively reaching out to people he knows are depressed.

Are you depressed and emotionally exhausted? There is hope. @DawsonRadio #depression Click To Tweet

Emotionally Exhausted

Samantha is 17 and just transferred to a new school. She knows a few people but can’t play sports and feels she can’t be herself. She just reunited with her real dad and her step-father doesn’t know.

Most who are depressed are carrying too heavy of a load and over time become increasingly drained and weary. Because they are downhearted, it is difficult for them to identify what’s depleting their emotions. It’s like their emotional batteries are slowly but surely being drained.

Samantha has big issues draining life from her. She needs to identify and prioritize big things that are pulling her down. For example,

She transferred to a new high school. That would be a big adjustment for anyone, let alone someone at 17 and in their senior year.
She loves sports but can’t play them this year because she changed schools.
Changing schools would be more than enough but there’s more going on in her life. She just reunited with her birth dad and her step-father doesn’t know a thing about it.
To make matters more complicated, she doesn’t get along with her step-father. In fact, they hardly ever speak.
She feels it’s her against the whole family.

Samantha has been hit with a double whammy, a lot of stress at her new school, and family pressures at home. No one should have to face that kind of exhausting stress. Is it any wonder she’s depressed? Samantha needs to turn to God like she never has before. Only He can give her the energy she needs to face her challenges. My prayer for her is as she reaches out for help, God will replenish all she has lost and more. He said in Jeremiah 31:25: “For I will refresh the weary soul and replenish all who are weak.”

Depression Setbacks, Don’t Give Up

Melissa’s been dealing with depression for about 7 to 8 years now. She was getting better but now is going downhill, since her therapist was murdered.

In any situation, where a person needs to change, there will be setbacks and even major roadblocks. In Melissa’s case, she was starting to make progress. Her counselor was truly helping her but then shockingly, was murdered. Now, Melissa wants to give up and throw the progress she has made away. Melissa should ask herself what would her therapist, if he were alive today, advise her to do? No doubt would say, “Hang in there, don’t give up. If you were making progress before, you can make it again.”

It’s God, who can reach down in Melissa’s life and give her the strength to seek help once again. The Bible says, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5b My prayer for Melissa is although there have been tears, even weeping, joy will come into her life, the kind of joy only God can give.

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. #Psalm30 #NeverGiveUp Click To Tweet

Worthless, Rejected and Depressed

Cody says he does alright fighting the depression back for a little while, but it always comes back. He’s felt a lot of rejection in his life. He first was rejected when he was 8 and his mom left him with his aunt. He doesn’t want to keep fighting and keep trying to prove he’s worth something to somebody. He’s tried to kill himself before, but his sister kept him from it 2 or 3 times.

As in Cody’s case, sometimes you get to the point, where you just have to hang on. You tell yourself, I’m not going to quit, no matter how hard it is.

Cody needs to give himself a break. He has a core belief that he’s worthless. He’s been blaming himself for this depression since he was a child. His mother, in her own dysfunction, helped drive that lies deeper into Cody’s heart by abandoning him when he was but 8 years old.

Feels Like He Doesn’t Belong

Now, after all this time, Cody feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere. Add to that heartbreaking issue, Cody also has financial problems which seem more than he can bear. He feels like a broken man and will need every bit of courage to overcome what has been pounded into him.

He already tried to kill himself and has thought about it a lot. Suicide is not the answer. Instead, may he find the victory over the dark clouds and may God touch his life and heal him.

King David cried out to God at moments of despair. He said, “Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.” (Psalm 69:1-3) “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 42:5)

There is hope! If you are depressed, there are people God has put around you who will help you!

There is hope! If you are depressed, there are people God has put around you who will help you! Click To Tweet

Letters Helped Others with Depression

I got the chance to talk to an amazing, inspirational guy, Dustin. Dustin’s friend lost her brother in a car accident, so Dustin wrote her what he calls, “feel better” letters. When she got depressed, she could read one of the letters and feel better. Dustin has now written over 100 encouragement letters for others dealing with depression.

Dustin has his own struggles. He’s been homebound for 6 years because he has Ehlers–Danlos Syndrome where the collagen breaks down in the body and the joints won’t hold together anymore. Instead of being bitter towards God about his own struggles, he’s reaching out to others. What a powerful example he is. People who are depressed and reach out to help others find a whole new energy.

Did Today’s Episode on Depression Get You Thinking?

Jesus Christ said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28)

I have to say it again. If you are depressed, there is hope!!! God is near to those who are crushed in spirit. He wants to heal your emotions. God wants to help you and He has put people around you to help you. Ask the Lord for help and strength and then look around and see who God has put in your life to help you. Also, check out our many resources for help with depression.

Resources for Help with Depression:

Check out my eBook: Understanding Depression.
Check out: Verses of Hope When Struggling with Depression.
Check out my blogs: Feelings of Depression, To Those Who Feel Worthless, and How Can I Find Hope?.
Need to talk to someone about how you are feeling, then: Chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine.
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

My Best Friend’s Suicide Hurt Me

I Was Shook By My Best Friend’s Suicide

If anyone would have told me that you were going to come and leave so quickly from my life, I would have smacked them and called them a fool. We made it to 6 months. In those 6 months, you became my life. April, I have never met a more beautiful, bright, amazing and loving girl. You made me feel so far from alone. You made me feel like I mattered. You showed me the true definition of a best friend.

But you were always so sad. I tried to do anything I could to help you forget your troubles. We went out on dates, hung out everyday, went and spent nights at the barn with your horses. April, we did everything we thought best friends were supposed to do, but just when I thought you were the thing that saved me from me, I got the worst news…that you took your own life. My best friend’s suicide shook me to the core.

I Am Sorry I Couldn’t Save You

April, I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. You made me feel so much life where I thought I never would feel it again, you truly brought out the real me. I wasn’t afraid around you and you never judged me. I will not ever forget the last night I saw you. You called me and asked if I had a cigarette, and I saved my last one for us to share. When you came through my gate, your eyes were covered in tears. We sat and I hugged you and I told you we would get through this. That it was just another bump. You cried and told me that you couldn’t take it anymore, that you hurt too much. We talked for about an hour, I cleaned up your tears, and we said we loved each other. You told me you would call me in the morning.

I never got that call, but you did that a lot so I didn’t think much of it. Two days later I found out you overdosed. All I could think about was that I really wish I could have saved you. I wish I could have said something to change your mind. April, everyone says it was an accident, but I know the truth. You were so full of life, yet so broken inside. I wish you could have seen how loved you truly were.

To Survivors of Suicide Loss

My Best Friend’s Suicide Was a Whole Other Type of Hurt

Losing someone you love to suicide is a whole other type of hurt. I lost my first friend when I was 19, to a murder. That hurt me in ways I thought were impossible. But losing you, April, knowing you were in my arms hours before you decided to depart the earth, makes my heart feel in ways I never knew I could feel. We may have been friends for less than a year, but you were one of the most amazing friends I have ever had. April, you showed me what a real friend was and you showed me a true friend.

Suicide Doesn’t End the Pain

April, losing you made me realize that I may be sad and I may want to die sometime, but I now fully understand the meaning of, “suicide doesn’t end your pain, it only passes the pain on to the ones who love you”.

Reach Out and Talk to Someone About Your Thoughts of Suicide

My message to anyone reading this and thinking about killing yourself….never be afraid to reach out and talk to someone! People love you! You are more beautiful and amazing than you think and you do have a purpose!

Sincerely,

April’s Best Friend

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

The Overwhelming Feeling of Loneliness: EP 24

What Keeps You from Meaningful Relationships?

Feeling Alone can be Overwhelming

Loneliness can lead to a lot of other issues; such as, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even thoughts of suicide. If you’ve been feeling lonely, know it’s not God’s plan for your life. He wants us to have friends and to love each other as He loves us. In this episode, I talk about loneliness with Amy, Tim, and Rebecca. We’ll talk about what keeps them from having meaningful relationships and how they can find and build friendships.

Girls Don’t Seem to Like Her

Amy wishes she had girlfriends to go out and have fun with. When she’s not with her boyfriend, she’s at home by herself. She says, girls don’t seem to like her. Amy is asking the question, why? Why does she lack meaningful relationships, especially with other girls?

It’s a challenge to maintain long-term relationships. We live hurried, busy lives and don’t always take the time to develop them. We get prideful and don’t want to appear like we need others. Sometimes we don’t know how to find and keep deeper relationships. Or it’s easy to take offense or decide we are better off without people in our lives.

Afraid to Reach Out

Many times, when we ask, why am I lonely? We already know what the answer is. The challenge is it’s too emotionally risky to solve the problem. Most people know what to do, they just don’t know how to do it or they are not willing to pay the price to remedy the problem. What are some reasons people are afraid to reach out?

Pride – Amy doesn’t want to look like she’s trying too hard to make friends.
Fear of rejection – you have to put yourself out there and you don’t know how the other person is going to respond.
Confused about how many friends you really need. Amy is thinking about a lot of friends but one friend at this point is really all she needs. Most people only have 2 or 3 really close friends anyway.
It’s hard when you’re lonely to think that other people around you are lonely too. Some camouflage their needs really well. It’s not like they have a sign on their forward that says, “Talk to me I’m lonely.”
Some people don’t understand there are sacrifices to developing new relationships. Amy may have to cut back on her time with her boyfriend to take the time to make friends with other girls. It’s worth it but it’s not easy.

Lonely? It’s not God’s plan for your life. He wants us to have friends & to love each other. Click To Tweet

Show Yourself Friendly

Amy needs to put aside her pride and be willing to make the first move toward gaining a friend. She needs to begin to show herself friendly. She can’t just wait for friends to come to her. This means she has to set aside time to get to know other people. She’s going to have to get out of her comfort zone and do activities with people other than her boyfriend. Amy has the tools to do this and with God’s help she can.

Grief and Loneliness

Tim was an only child and both of his parents died. He said they were very poor but he never lacked for food or clothes, his parents took good care of him. It’s been 5 years since they died. Tim works in the oil field and makes good money but the girls he’s dated think he’s gullible and lonely.

Lonely people have often been struck with major hurts and tragedies. Sometimes through no fault of their own, the very people who would help fill the gap of aloneness are snatched from them. Grief and loneliness can come hand in hand.

Tim has really been through it…losing both parents can be devastating. Ye he’s the only one who can make the changes in his life that will help develop deep, important, and potentially long-term relationships with others.

Tim, however is constantly reminded he’s all alone. He’s had shallow relationships with girls who don’t care about him. At the same time, he’s observing others who are enjoying the good family life. So, what hope does Tim have?

Lonely people have often been struck with major hurts and tragedies through no fault of their own. Click To Tweet

God’s Help for Loneliness

He needs to remind himself how God helped him when he was very young. The same hope he had as a child when God put the food on the table from a very poor family is still available to him now. That same God who helped him back then, can and will help him again with his fears and loneliness. King David wrote, “The steps of a man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way. Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, for the LORD is holding his hand. I once was young and now am old, yet never have I seen the righteous abandoned or their children begging for bread.” Psalm 37:23-25

The good news for Tim is he already has a relationship with God. He speaks of God’s provisions but it’s hard for him to apply that to his feelings of loneliness. As Dr. Billy Graham once said, “Nothing dissolves loneliness like a session with God’s Word.” Tim needs to seek the Lord with all of his heart and then friendships and relationships will fall into place. Jesus said, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33

Be a Good Friend

Rebecca is feeling lonely and wants more friends. She has 2 friends at school, but they are in different classes, so she doesn’t see them much.

Rebecca needs to understand this is not a little thing we are talking about. God’s will is for her to have friends. If God wants us to have friends, then he will make the way for us to find them. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

God’s going to help Rebecca. Part of His plan is found in Proverbs 18:24, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” As I mentioned to Rebecca, if she is a good friend and shows others she’s approachable, then people will want to be around her.

Shared Experiences

One key to making friends is shared experiences. This is why teammates can become so close as well as roommates, coworkers, and people into the same interests. They share experiences together and get to know each other while doing similar activities.

Rebecca needs to find a group to join; whether it’s a club, team, community service group, study group, or youth group. This way she can get to know people through shared experiences. Meaningful relationships do not develop overnight. They take time and must be cultivated.

Meaningful #relationships do not develop overnight. They take time and must be cultivated. Click To Tweet

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

God does not want us to go through struggles alone. He wants us to have friends, who will stick with us through thick or thin. Proverbs 12:12 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

A friend can make all the difference in your life whether you are going through a really hard time or you are doing well. A true friend, as the Bible says, can stick closer to you than a sister or brother.

My prayer for you is that you will find the right kind of friends and they will help you and you will help them and you will have a much richer life. God bless you as you seek to find those friends.

Resources for help with LONELINESS:

Check out my eBooks: Understanding Loneliness and Understanding Friendships.
Check out my blogs: 10 Tips to End Loneliness, Just Say Hi, How to Make Friends, and 9 Tips for Being a Good Friend
Check out this story of hope from Leigh who struggled with loneliness: Isolation.
Need to talk about loneliness? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on verbal abuse in the family. The words of an abuser can cause all kinds of agony and can set one on a lifelong destructive course. In this episode, I speak with Lance, who’s verbally attacked by his parents. I also talk with Sarah who endures verbal abuse at least twice a day trapped in the car with her dad. And the most difficult conversation I had is with Tameka, whose father emotionally and verbally abuses her. He calls her names and puts her down every day. If you need help dealing with verbal abuse in your family, then this one is for you!

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Don’t Let Your Pain Go Unseen – [Video]

UnseenFilm.org

This Short Film is Sure to Leave an Impact

This 25 minute film is sure to impact you in some way and is well worth watching. It explores the unseen pain of depression. If you or someone you know struggles with depression or suicidal thinking, parts of this film may be very relatable for you. If you want to grow in compassion for those who struggle, you will receive a valuable perspective.

The film begins with Owen contemplating taking his own life and his grandfather discovering him.

Owen is overwhelmed with hopelessness and sadness. At one point he says, “It’s exhausting. The worst feeling ever. Not being honest about how you’re feeling. And then you feel like you just can’t do it anymore.”

Owen’s grandfather has his own grief he’s still dealing with, but he also has deep wisdom. He explains to Owen, “Whatever you feed will win the fight.” He tells him how you can feed your internal wolf of hope or the wolf of despair. You can believe the lies despair tells you… you have no worth and no one will miss you. Or you can believe the hope you are loved and are worth the fight. Feed the hope!

How to Help Someone Who Is Thinking About Suicide

The way the grandfather tries to help Owen is not perfect. This film is not a case study with step-by-step instructions on how to help someone who is suicidal. The grandfather has his own flaws and hang-ups, but he does involve himself in Owen’s life and attempt in his own way to help Owen. The film gives us a good starting point for talking about suicide and helping those who struggle.

We’d like to begin a discussion here and receive your input. We’d love for you to leave a comment and share your thoughts.

It’s frustrating the grandpa doesn’t ask Owen directly what he is feeling. Why didn’t he ask the question, “Are you thinking about harming yourself?” Research tells us that asking the suicide question isn’t going to make someone more suicidal or make them want to act on it. It actually helps them.

Also, the grandpa should have gotten him formal help in addition to throwing away the pills and telling him to come to lunch with him. It was good the grandfather chooses to stay with Owen, but it is also vital to highlight the importance of seeking help from a hospital, especially in an acute suicidal crisis.

Finally – the whole healing journey is not told here. Formal counseling in addition to informal support from family and friends is an important step in the process.

However, the power of the film stands in the message that you are not alone in your internal feelings of hopelessness. Share them with someone and you may be surprised what they have gone through themselves.

Unseen Film – Keep the Discussion Going

We’d love to keep this discussion going. Here are some questions to get you started:

If you were the grandfather what would you have done differently to help Owen?
Do you need to have all the answers to help someone?
What did the grandfather do well?
Why do you think the grandfather kept his secret for so long?
What was your biggest take away from the film?
Did you like the film? Why or why not?

For more discussion check out this Conversation Guide

Finding Hope

We can’t leave this discussion without also sharing there is tremendous hope in knowing that God is with us and has a plan for our lives. This hope gives us something to hold onto even when times are tough, and it helps us combat the lies of despair. We have the assurance that we are not alone, that we have worth and a purpose and that we are deeply loved by our heavenly Father. If you want that deep hope for yourself, please learn more by downloading this free eBook on Understanding Hope.

For additional information about Unseen and other resources, please go to www.unseenfilm.org

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. For a list of crisis centers around the world and additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

Your Scars Are Proof That God Heals

Do you often feel like a failure? This blog was originally published on Anthem of Hope, a non-profit dedicated to illuminating hope for those battling brokenness, depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicide and addiction.

Your scars are proof that God heals.

We live in a world that calls failure a weakness, and labels weakness a flaw. We are taught to mask the truth because, “it’s better if you keep your pain to yourself,” and that the best way to lead is from our strengths instead of our weakness. This is not the way to live, and I’d encourage you to do exactly the opposite.

If I can be honest, I think our world has built itself on a shallow and narrow foundation. The truth is that this foundation is ready to crack at any second. Our society doesn’t allow people the freedom to share their pains, their struggles or their hardships. These “dark times” have become surrounded by stigmas and kept quiet instead of being allowed to be spoken of freely. While I know this is just my opinion, I think I have a pretty valid point to stand upon.

1. “Crying is not allowed.”

2. “Keep your pain to yourself.”

3. “Don’t show your weaknesses.”

Our society doesn't allow people the freedom to share their pains, struggles or their hardships. Click To Tweet

There is hope.

These are things we’ve heard throughout life. And while many of us may try to shake off their weight, you’d be surprised to know how many people are haunted by these thoughts on a daily basis. I believe in a God of Grace, love, and second chances. And if it wasn’t for those divine qualities all working together, I can promise you that I wouldn’t be standing here today. I’ve been redeemed. No matter how dark and desolate your life is or was, there is hope and God can take your life to places you never thought imaginable. Every cut, bruise and broken bone can be mended and made new by the love of God.

Related Posts:

How Can I Find Hope?

We All Go Through Dark Times

To Those Who Feel Worthless

I am not proud of my past.

I’m not proud of my past, but I wear my scars on my sleeve because I am proud of who I’ve become in Christ. You should as well. These scars remind us that we can conquer all things and that healing is possible. There is nothing too broken for God. He can fix anything because he created everything, and that includes you.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”—2 Corinthians 5:17

My failures and mistakes are NOT my most treasured moments, but because of them I am now a living testimony of His redemption and grace. Guess what? So are you! Your story, your past, your suffering and pain, it can all be used as a testimony and story to help others.

Don’t hide your scars, wear them as proof that God heals. It's okay to not be okay. @JarridWilson Click To Tweet

Your story is His glory. Share it to the world. Don’t hide your scars, wear them as proof that God heals. It’s okay to not be okay.

—Anthem of Hope

Do you feel like the pain will never end?

Your future is amazing and we want to show you how you can find a lasting hope in knowing that you are loved and have a purpose! Download our free eBook, Understanding Hope, for help.

How Can I Find Hope?

by Dawson McAllister

LIFE.

It can be really, stinkin’ hard sometimes, right?

When your situation gets really tough…You just can’t find happiness anymore…Everything seems to be going against you…

What keeps you from just giving up?

HOPE.

Have you ever wondered, “How Can I Find Hope?”

Hope keeps you hanging on because it allows you to believe that:

Things will get better.
You have a purpose to fulfill.
There is a plan for your life.
You are cared for

But I would like to suggest that people are losing hope at alarming rates.

As the founder of TheHopeLine which has been around for 25 years, I’ve seen trends. While relationship issues with friends, dating, and parents used to be the number one thing people wanted to talk about…now it is self-worth issues, suicide, depression.

And statistically, we can look at national suicide rates and note that they are up significantly. The Centers for Disease Control recently released a report that shows that between 1999 and 2016 suicide rates went up by more than 30 percent in over half the states.

Why are we losing hope?

People are losing hope at alarming rates. But, why are we losing hope? @DawsonRadio Click To Tweet

5 Reasons for Losing Hope.

In my many conversations with teenagers and young adults, I hear variations of these five reasons over and over. I believe these statements capture some of the leading causes of hopelessness:

They have no experience receiving unconditional love which causes feelings of worthlessness.
Their identities are tied to changing circumstances and not a secure source, so they don’t know who they are.
Life is meaningless. They can’t find a purpose.
Intense feelings of being alone, rejected, abandoned…no one cares.
Inability to find anything to look forward to.

Do any of those describe you?

What Causes People to Feel so Lost?

Let’s consider the prevailing way people view the world in this moment. It’s often referred to as the postmodern worldview.

Perhaps this worldview can best be summarized with, “You do you.”

In some ways – I appreciate this saying – it allows people to be accepted for who they are without being judged harshly. “Be yourself.” There’s nothing wrong with that.

But on a deeper level, the message is, “You can believe whatever makes the most sense to you based on your life circumstances. There is no one truth. It’s all relative to your experiences.”

While this may sound good on the surface, the reality is it leaves a lot of people in a state of chaos.

Because what is true anymore and, well, what does work best for you?

When we are unstable without something solid to hold onto we start to lose our sense of self, our sense of purpose, our sense HOPE.

Related Posts:

6 Ways to Silence Shame

Ronnie’s Life Changing Decision

To Those Who Feel Worthless

Where do you start?

There are over 4,200 belief systems in the world today.

If any of them can be true…where do you start?

As you search for your own truth, you realize you are completely untethered. There is nothing to anchor yourself to. Especially if what you believe depends upon your circumstances because circumstances change. People in your life change. Everything is constantly moving. So if you are tying your identity and your belief system to your circumstances (even if that belief system is that you don’t believe in anything), what happens when your circumstances change?

You once again feel lost. Untethered.

So let me ask you a question that the postmodern worldview would appreciate…

How’s life working for YOU right now? How is what you believe or don’t believe working for you? Is it giving you hope? Do you feel secure? Is it helping you feel loved and cherished?

What Give Us Hope?

To match the 5 reasons people are losing hope that I mentioned above, I believe we have hope when:

We feel loved and valued.
We know who we are without a doubt.
Our purpose is clear.
We don’t feel abandoned.
Our future is bright.

How can we have this security?

Only one thing has consistently provided all of these things for me and that is my Christian faith. I am not talking about religion, but about my relationship with Jesus and my faith in Him.

Now you may decide to stop reading at this point. You may think that I am failing to give you practical advice. To which I say two things:

My practical advice for HOPE is to find unconditional love, a secure identity, a purpose, a community and a confident knowledge that your future is secure.
The only way I know how to find these things is through my faith. So I ask you, what kind of person would I be if I have found HOPE and I believe it is the ONE TRUTH that is UNCHANGING, and then I chose NOT to share it with you, would I be showing my genuine care and concern for you? If I kept this to myself when I believe it is the answer, would that be right?

So I hope you will keep reading because I really do genuinely care. If you are feeling hopeless, what do you have to lose?

I am going to briefly share how my faith has provided the above 5 things for me and how it gives me HOPE. For further detail, I hope you will download our free eBook, Understanding Hope.

You are Loved

My faith gives me the hope that I am loved by God. Always and forever. And so are you.

Even when you mess up. God loves you.

He created you and wants a relationship with you. The God of the universe thinks about you personally and wants the best for you. ALWAYS.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me! (Psalm 139:17-18)

And when bad things happen, that is not what He wants. He still loves you.

In this sinful world, people are going to fail you. Even those who are supposed to love you unconditionally, they are going to let you down sometimes. They aren’t perfect. And if every time a person fails you, you in turn start to wonder if you are worthy of love. You will lose hope.

That is why knowing you are loved by God is an anchor of hope! You are loved no matter what!

You have Worth

Do you find yourself tying your identity and your worth to:

What you achieve · What you look like · Who approves of you · Mistakes of your past

As a Christian, your worth and your identity are no longer defined by what the world says about you but rather by who God says you are. In the Bible He says you are:

Chosen ·Accepted ·Treasured ·Beautiful ·Protected ·Able ·Complete ·Known· Overcomer ·Masterpiece ·Rescued ·Held

Once you believe in the God of the Bible, these promises are yours to claim.

There is such hope in knowing that nothing can change who God says you are. Your identity is secure.

You have a Purpose

The whole idea that life is a vapid hole without meaning goes away when you are a Christian.

God designed you uniquely and created you in His image. He wouldn’t waste his time if you had no reason for existing.

God created you because he wants to have a relationship with you. He wants to love you, and in return, be loved by you. He is a personal God. We are here to praise Him for how great He is! To live lives that honor and glorify our Holy creator.

One way we honor and glorify God is to love others and that is our other purpose. In the Bible, God tells us that the most important things for us to do are to love God with all our hearts and love the people around us just as much as we love ourselves. Your purpose then is to:

Love God … Love yourself … Love others

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matt 22:36-39)

Your purpose is to: Love God … Love yourself … Love others. #LoveGod #LoveOthers @DawsonRadio Click To Tweet

You are Not Alone

God promises to NEVER abandon his children.

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” (Hebrews 13:5&6)

When you take the leap of faith to believe, there will be times when God feels super close and times he feels farther away, but faith allows you to trust that God’s promises are always true. Even when you feel alone, you recognize that is just a feeling. God is still there.

Years of believing in God have proven this truth to me. There have been many times in my life where my circumstances would have made me feel hopeless and alone, but God has always been my anchor to hold onto in the storms. The knowledge that He is unchanging, unmovable, trustworthy and good allow me to have HOPE.

Knowledge God is unchanging, unmovable, trustworthy and good allow me to have #HOPE. @DawsonRadio Click To Tweet

Your Future is Amazing

Do you ever feel like you have nothing to look forward to? That the same despair you may be feeling now will always be with you?

By putting your faith and trust in Jesus Christ, your life is made new. You get a fresh start. You are forgiven, no matter what you’ve done. God will pour out mercy, peace, grace, blessings, and love on you. Your future is secure.

And once you have given your life to Christ, you can rest assured that, no matter what you face in this lifetime, you can look forward to eternal life in heaven.

And heaven…well, it’s going to be great! More beauty than we can comprehend. But even better is the pure joy we will have. There will be no more tears, no more pain, and no more death.

Is This Hope for You?

It is certainly available to you if you choose it.

If you desire this kind of hope, please download our free eBook on Understanding a Hope to learn more.

You can also visit our Get Help page to talk to someone about this.

Here’s the thing…. Christians still have problems. We still make mistakes. Bad things still happen.

Once sin came into the world, God never promised us life would be easy. However, God promises to overcome all of it, to love us always, and to never leave us.

Read this and see if you relate:

I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom.

That’s from the Bible – nothing much has changed in human feelings over thousands of years. Here is what the writer of that passage went on to say.

But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. (Lamentations 3:19-26 MSG)

God provided hope to people then and still does today!

For more help with understanding hope and your purpose, download our free eBook!

9 Misconceptions About Seeking Professional Counseling

by Dawson McAllister

We often hear a common concern……

“I’m afraid to see a professional counselor.”

Have you had this thought as well? Do you feel you may benefit from seeing a counselor, but face fears about scheduling an appointment?

Perhaps you have convinced yourself of many reasons why you shouldn’t go to counseling. A lot of these reasons may be seemingly understandable. However, more than likely, they are common misconceptions rooted in fear.

Today I want to address some of those myths because I see such value in talking to a counselor on an on-going basis.

I can talk to someone for 4 minutes on my radio show and our HopeCoaches can chat a bit longer on TheHopeLine. We definitely have enough time to point someone in the right direction, to love on them and to give them solid guidance and hope. And many times, that guidance includes encouraging someone to seek on-going counseling, especially for those deeper issues that you may be facing.

If you have considered seeing a professional counselor, but have talked yourself out of it because of unwarranted fears, I hope this information may make you more comfortable in seeking the help that you need.

One of our partner organizations is Centerstone. They are one of the nation’s largest not-for-profit providers of community-based behavioral health care. Below they share a list of common misconceptions about treatment that we are in turn sharing with you:

Common Misconceptions About Treatment:

If I need help, something must be wrong with me. I must be broken or abnormal.

Just like with physical illness, mental illness and addiction are medical problems. You wouldn’t say that someone who has cancer or the flu is broken. They need treatment just like someone with a mental illness or addiction.

No one will understand my problem. I don’t deserve help.

One in four American adults will experience a mental illness in their lifetime. That’s 25% of the population. There are many people who know what you are going through. You deserve to feel healthy and whole.

If I come in for an appointment, they will take me away.

Involuntary commitment is extremely rare, particularly at first appointments. Just like a physician’s office, there are occasionally people who need to be taken to the ER. But most folks just go in for their regular treatment.

They’ll put me on pills that will put me in a fog, and I’ll never be able to stop taking them.

As with physical illnesses, some mental health disorders will require short- or long-term medication regimens. It can be an important part of treatment, but it should never make you feel like you’re not yourself or in control. You have a say in these treatments.

If I just try harder, I won’t need treatment.

Mental health and substance abuse treatment is for people who have an illness that deserves treatment, just as much as any other illness. It can’t be cured by trying harder or ignoring the problem.

People will think less of me if I go to a therapist.

Thankfully, we are at a point in time where a lot of people are speaking out about their mental illness and a lot is being done to combat the stigma surrounding it. And while you may be encouraged to talk to your loved ones and community members about your illness, a counselor respects their clients’ privacy. They will never reveal you receive treatment without your express permission. In fact, they can’t; it’s the law!

Therapy is just a lot of talking; I can get the help I need from my friends.

While a strong support system of friends and family is very important, there are things that we can help you with that your loved ones might not be able to. Our clinicians have extensive training and experience so they know all the tricky ways that your mental illness can trip you up and how to overcome your hurdles.

If I get treatment, I’ll have to keep going forever.

A counselor’s goal is always to get you back into your community as quickly as possible. While some patients may need long-term treatment, many individuals just need a few weeks or months to deal with their problem.

I can’t afford it.

Most insurance providers will cover some form of mental health treatment; it may be less expensive than you think. For those without insurance or those whose insurance doesn’t cover mental health treatment, you should inquire about programs set up to help provide funds to those who need assistance.
(Resource: https://centerstone.org/what-to-expect/common-misconceptions )

Live Your Best Life

If you are struggling with a serious issue such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, self-harm and many more, please love yourself enough to consider the option of counseling. Don’t dismiss the idea because of one of these misconceptions listed above. You do deserve to live your best life and you can achieve it. Sometimes we all just need a little help.

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. They provide for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

Why We Need to Talk About Depression [Video]

You Are Not Alone

We need to talk about depression so that people realize they are not alone in their struggle. Comedian, Kevin Breel shares his struggle with depression in an attempt to get rid of the stigma surrounding it. Even though from the outside no one may realize he faces this battle, it is very real to him. You must know that if you are struggling with depression, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Feelings of Depression

Five Things You Should Never Say

Schalk’s Story: The Buildup of Emotional Strain

I Only Ever Loved One Woman

The heartbreak broke me completely and so badly that I went and did drugs, something I was against completely. Before she left me and after she left me, I died inside and I tried to take my life a few times after we broke up. Yes I know, you don’t want to hear this sob story but at the end you will receive a message out of all this.

December 1st last year, I worked at a bar as a barman to calm me down and get me off drugs. It worked wonders because I started to think less of the things that brought my life into a downward spiral. On the 15th of that month, I was arrested for drinking and driving. I never spent any time in jail that night because I did cocaine to numb the pain inside of me just before I got pulled over.

A Buildup of Emotional Strain that I’d Been Fighting

After that, on the 25th of December on Christmas, I was sitting home alone finishing bottle after bottle of whiskey and bags of cocaine. I started thinking about everything that had led up to this moment. I was thinking about all the pain, all the memories that contributed to why I was there in that moment. In a rage of depression, grief, and a buildup of emotional strain that I’d been fighting and hiding away, along with my feelings of being a failure and of not being able to be the person people always thought of me.

My Moment at a World’s View

Indecisively, I took a bottle of whiskey and my gun. I got in my car and went up to world’s view, a place where I normally go to clear my mind that over looks the city. The reason I went up there was to finally do it and end my pain, end my suffering and release myself from the darkness. I wanted to stop the constant memories that were eating away at myself. I sat there until 2am, when I finally built up enough courage and drank enough whiskey to do it. I took the gun, cocked it and with the barrel in my mouth I had a moment of release, knowing that soon, all the pain would be gone and I pulled the trigger.

I pulled the trigger 3 times after that, then pointed the gun away from me and pulled the trigger again. A shot went off and then, the gun went in my mouth again and nothing happened again when I pulled the trigger. I cried profusely for hours, asking, why am I such a failure? Why must I go and carry on when there is nothing for me? I cried and cried that I couldn’t even think of anything. I walked from where I was sitting towards the end of the wall. I tried one last time, but this time I made sure that the bullet was a live round as I pulled the trigger. I hoped this was going to be my release from this hell I was going through, as I heard the click of the gun, something came over me…a sense, a feeling that I can never explain to this day. I was in a paralysis state standing there.

The Most Beautiful Sunrise I’d Ever Seen

Then not thinking about anything until 6am, the moment the sun broke through the clouds and it shined straight onto my skin, that was the moment I realized, it was the most beautiful sunrise I’d ever seen in my entire 26 year’s. The moment that happened, I promised myself no matter what happens in life, no matter how down I was, or how badly I was hurting, there would be another sunrise, another chance of giving, another chance to showing humanity and another chance to change someone’s life without wanting anything back.

I only wanted to receive the gift we all take for granted, the smallest yet most powerful gift anyone can ever give, a glimmer of hope, a smile. The smiles of those people you passed in the mall or anywhere, that single smile of hope they gave when they look at you. It doesn’t matter what the reasons are behind the smile, someone took time to look at you and acknowledge your existence. It’s that single smile that plays a big role on your own happiness.

The smallest yet most powerful gift anyone can give is a glimmer of hope...a smile. Click To Tweet

Giving People Hope

Hence why now, a year later to be exact, l have been happy when I was meant to be sad. I knew my sadness would not help anyone, not even me cope with life but my constant happiness and joy in finding the smallest things in life does help people. It doesn’t matter if it’s a good or bad thing in my life, I still stay positive. I want to give people hope to carry on, no matter what they are going through. I have not been left alone by certain aspects of my depression and I have not found clearance in my life but I have found a way to use my depression to help others. It doesn’t matter what they are going through, I am always there to reassure them that there is something great in everything. I tell them the truth. I’m honest with them even though sometimes I can’t even tell myself the truth or help myself with my own depression. I just think about the people I am helping and that with every person I help, I saved them from going through the same pain I went through.

I Listen and Believe in Them Without Judging

They don’t ask for help but I can see when someone is feeling down and out and like there is no way out because I myself suffer from the same condition. I know for a fact that after tonight, you won’t wake up thinking the same negative things. Yes, they will still roam around in your mind but then when they do, just remember the small things in life, they are the biggest blessing you will receive. For me, it is seeing those lost and broken souls that are now healed by a simple act of caring and kindness and encouraging words. When someone needs someone to believe in them and listen to them with out judging and I do that and they smile.

I live a life with depression, but I am not afraid of it anymore, I embrace it to help others. Click To Tweet

Even though, I can’t do it for myself, doesn’t mean I must not try and do it for other’s. My motto in life now is something I tell everyone: I don’t judge a person I observe them. And by observation, I can help where I can and bring smiles back into a person’s life. And that is the biggest gift I have received…being able to do things for people. That’s my story of how my near suicide attempt brought me to accept my past and help other’s who are suffering with depression. I hope some where out in this world my story will give hope to someone and save them.

-Schalk

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

All photo credits: Erik Lucatero

The Stigma of Masculinity and Depression

by Dawson McAllister

I’m a Man

“I’m a man, so I’ve got to be _______________________. ”

(Fill in the blank)

What word came to mind?

Strong
Brave
Self-Sufficient
Powerful
In control

As a man, I know these are the types of words that pop into my head. This idea that we need to be a “man’s man” and all that.

But I know I’ve hit lows in my life where I didn’t feel so strong or brave. Where I thought I should be able to hold it together, but truthfully I needed help. Even admitting that is tough for me. Am I being too vulnerable? Will I be seen as weak? Our culture seems to send a message to men…don’t reveal too much…don’t “give in” to any discomfort you may be feeling.

I think it is very common for men to feel weak at times, but we try our best to hide it. Many men struggle with depression or anxiety…they don’t feel strong or like they can do it on their own any longer? I know this because I’ve talked to some of the bravest of these men…the ones that struggle with these things, but had enough courage to call me on my radio show to ask for help.

One young man faced this battle and finally decided to reach out to TheHopeLine for help. After he talked with a HopeCoach, he shared the following story.

Have you ever felt Ashamed?

This is Coy’s Story:

My life began to feel so heavy and dark inside. I knew it was outside input from the enemy but eventually I just started to believe the lie. I was a worthless father, husband and provider for my family. My new job hadn’t panned out the way I thought it would and left my family of six with a $500 a month pay cut. Over the course of 6 months, we had fallen behind on rent, other bills and it just started to tailspin. Everyday at work, I would contemplate and try to just build up the courage to walk out onto the highway in front of a semi. Too proud to ask for help, too much of a coward to take the easy way out.

I would dare say that these are feelings many men have…they want to provide for their families and when they are struggling to provide in the way they want to, they feel worthless, and yet they are too proud or scared to ask for help. However, reaching out for help made all the difference for Coy and saved his life. Read the rest of the story here: Coy’s Stor

The Tension Between Being Masculine and Depressed

The push and the pull between being masculine and depressed is a fight many guys engage in. Blogger, Charlie Scaturro, in his blog Masculinty, Anxiety and Depression. shares his battle. In it he says, “There’s something particularly emasculating about depression. About feeling like there’s no point in being alive and that everything is hopeless and ridiculous. If I were stronger, the narrative goes, I would be able to stop myself from feeling this way…

A real man isn’t supposed to get depressed. A real man is supposed to get angry.

A real man isn’t supposed to have anxiety and panic attacks. A real man is supposed to fight through anxiety and panic attacks and stop being such a you-know-what….

And this reality can lead to a desperate and harmful struggle to avoid whatever the opposite of power and strength and masculinity are. It can lead to denial and a refusal to get help or tell anyone about what’s going on because of the fear that it isn’t masculine.”

The push and the pull between being #masculine and #depressed is a fight many guys engage in. Click To Tweet

The Vicious Cycle

You’re a man.
You feel you’re supposed to be strong, courageous, self-sufficient, etc.
In reality, you are depressed and questioning your purpose? Struggling to get out of bed. Feeling debilitated.
You don’t tell anyone because you believe you are supposed to be strong enough to conquer this on your own and you don’t want others to see you as weak.
The depression causes you to have suicidal thoughts, but you don’t dare reach out for help.

Masculinity as a Possible Suicide Risk Factor

To begin with, here are some suicide statistics from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:

Men die by suicide 3.5x more often than women.
White males accounted for 7 of 10 suicides in 2015.

A new study published in Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology on Masculinity and Suicide found that, “one characteristic of dominant masculinity—self-reliance—stood out as a risk factor for suicidal thinking.”

The study went on to say, “Men who are self-reliant may believe that they should be strong in the face of any adversity, consider that feeling down is a sign of weakness, and be unlikely to reach out to friends, family or professional sources for help.”

Men die by #suicide 3.5 times more than women. #Masculinity is a possible suicide risk factor. Click To Tweet

Related Blogs:

Why Say No To Suicide

What to Do When You Feel Suicidal

Feelings of Depression

You’re a Man. You’re also human.

You are a man, but you are also a human made to experience all kinds of emotions. If you are struggling with life, feeling you don’t measure up, struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, worrying you are not financially stable enough…those are not things that make you weak they are emotions that make you human. It is possible to be both masculine and depressed. By acknowledging this and then finding the courage to share what you are feeling with another person is how you will find help and healing.

In our society, for the most part, men are emotionally isolated from other men. I don’t know of many platforms where men can be vulnerable with one another. But I think it would be a move in the right direction to start these conversations and create safe groups for men to talk. It can start with you being willing to share a struggle with a friend. You may discover they have felt the same way.

You're a man and also human made to experience all kinds of emotions. #masculinity #depression Click To Tweet

If you don’t have a friend you feel you can talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out to TheHopeLine Chat for help. Our HopeCoaches will never judge you. Rather they will encourage you and provide you with resources that can help. You do NOT have to do this alone. Sometimes the biggest sign of strength is having the courage to say you need help.

September 10, 2017 is World Suicide Prevention Day. is The website states: “As members of communities, it is our responsibility to look out for those who may be struggling, check in with them, and encourage them to tell their story in their own way and at their own pace. Offering a gentle word of support and listening in a non-judgemental way can make all the difference.”

In the News

Unfortunately, there have been a number of tragic suicides recently of rock stars and other famous men whose public persona appears strong and masculine. Yet behind this public image they must have struggled with some difficult private battles.

Thankfully, mainstream media is also working to spread the message of hope. The rapper, Logic, has a song titled, 1-800-273-8255 which is the phone number to the National Suicide Prevention LifeLine.

Here’s a verse from the song:

I know where you been, where you are, where you goin’

I know you’re the reason I believe in life

What’s the day without a little night?

I’m just tryna shed a little light

It can be hard

It can be so hard

But you gotta live right now

You got everything to give right now.

Know Your Worth

You do have something to give to this world. I believe God created you for a purpose and that he has a plan for your life. Don’t give up on that too soon. Don’t quit before you find out what that purpose is and what joy may lie ahead. Come just as you are, flaws and all, and ask God to help you. He loves you so much! God says in the Bible, “The thief’s (satan’s) purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich a nd satisfying life.”

If you have questions about this, please chat with a HopeCoach.

If you or a friend is struggling – What Now?

Remember that you are not alone in what you are feeling.
If you need to talk, call 800-273-TALK (8255) for free, confidential, 24/7 help.
Get help for yourself https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/
Get help for someone else https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-someone-else/
If you are outside of the US, please visit info https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/ to find resources in your area.
Verses of Hope for those facing Depression
Verses of Hope for those struggling with Self-Worth
Verses of Hope for those thinking about Suicide

If you are having suicidal thoughts or if you know someone who is considering suicide, find out what to do in TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Suicide.

‘Out of the Dark’: Mandisa chats with TheHopeLine!

Deep depression, loss of her best friend, questioning God, turning to food for comfort, being super single…all things Mandisa opened up about in her chat with TheHopeLine!

Mandisa was so sweet when she spoke to us and the really cool thing is…she is not ashamed to talk about her struggles. She is authentic and real and brings a lot of raw emotion into her music!

Mandisa’s new album, Out of the Dark, is based on personal experience. She says God has pulled her out of the dark and now she has a renewed passion for her music and a willingness to be transparent and vulnerable about the challenges she faced the last several years.

Depression can be a deep dark hole that sucks you in further and further. It can be all-consuming and you can feel like there is no hope. Depression can be a struggle all of it’s own or it can stem from so many other things like anxiety, grief, relationship issues, abuse. If you are in that dark place right now or have been there, you are not alone. Singer, songwriter and Grammy winner, Mandisa has been very transparent about the deep depression she faced in the last few years and she tells TheHopeLine what it was like. She says, at one point she was comfortable in that dark place. She explains, “I shut out everyone, I shut out God, I shut out everyone who loved me. I hardly left my house. I stayed in my house everyday. I ate and I watched television and I’ve never been more miserable in my life.”

Mandisa chats about her struggle with depression.

When you are in a deep depression, it’s all consuming so it’s very hard to make positive steps to move forward or get help. Mandisa was in a depression for about 3 1/2 years until she reached a turning point. Mandisa said God showed her 3 things:

We have to walk in community with one another. – “There’s a difference in needing time to re-energize and in isolating and shutting out the world.” Her loved ones loved her too much to leave her where she was. Friends and family are important!
Stop focusing on your mistakes in the past. – “I had to stop battling with shame because of all the mistakes I made.”
Look for those flickers of light that come in so many places. – “Darkness is overwhelming but it only takes one flicker of light to chase out that darkness.”

The turning point for Mandisa and what she learned along the way.

Mandisa’s Grammy winning song “Overcomer” was written for her best friend, Kisha, to encourage her while she was battling breast cancer. Mandisa later wrote “Prove Me Wrong” from the anger she was feeling after her friend died. She says the song is not tied up with a pretty Christian bow but it’s honest and heartfelt. She says through her grief she learned, “When you are dealing grief, you have to bring that to the Lord or you are going to bring it somewhere else.”

Mandisa tells us the meaning behind the song, "Overcomer."

Find out which 2 songs on her new album, Out of the Dark, are her favorites:

Mandisa's favorite songs on her new album.

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

What Sleep, Food, and Exercise have to do with Recovery:

How THE BIG THREE: Sleep, Food, and Exercise Can Help You in Your Recovery

This post was originally published on Fortify, it has been reused with permission by: The Fortify Team. Fortify was specifically designed to help individuals (particularly young people) struggling with pornography eventually reach long-lasting freedom.

When you think of ways to help in your fight against pornography [or any addiction], how often do sleep, food and exercise come up?

You might be surprised at how often research connects compulsive patterns to these basic lifestyle factors—especially what we call the Big Three— sleep, food and exercise. Each of these makes a huge difference in the quality of our mood and our overall mental and emotional well-being — including depression and anxiety, or how well we can focus our attention at any given moment.

But you don’t need any scientist to tell you that. Think of the last time you binged on sweets or spent the whole day sitting around inside. When we’re paying closer attention, something that seems pleasant in the moment can actually really tank our mood over time. And when we don’t feel well, it’s all too easy to scramble for some way—any way—to feel better. Let’s take a closer look at each of the Big Three, and how they can help you on your journey to freedom.

GET SOME SLEEP

Research studies consistently find that both teenagers and adults are seriously deprived of sleep. For most of us, we’re simply not getting what we need.

Sufficient sleep is especially crucial for anyone wanting to find freedom from addiction. Not only does the brain recharge and repair during sleep, there are rippling effects that impact the whole body. Going without sleep has been connected to lower immune function, serious disease and weight gain – as well as impaired ability to reason and think clearly.

When you’re tired you’re just not yourself; your brain’s not running at full capacity.

Bottom line: a tired body and cloudy mind will leave you vulnerable and less prepared to fight.

Make healthy amounts of sleep a top priority. If anything is getting in the way of getting enough sleep, take it very seriously, because if it’s interfering with your sleep, it’s probably messing with your freedom, too.

A tired body and cloudy mind will leave you vulnerable and less prepared to fight. #fortify Click To Tweet

GET THE RIGHT FUEL

In addition to sleep, another way to recharge your body is to check out what kind of fuel you’re giving it.

How far would you get in your car if you put maple syrup or Coca-Cola in the gas tank? It sounds dumb, but let’s be honest: we’re sometimes just as dumb with our own body by taking in stuff the body hardly recognizes as nourishment. And then we act surprised when the body doesn’t run so well…

Want to build strength in this battle? Take a look at the food you’re taking in.

Rather than only listening to others tell you what to eat, why not listen to your own body – try paying closer attention to what your body needs and wants.

GET MOVING

Alright, one more example. While recharging your body through rest and good fuel is important, if you really want to supercharge it, then try something really radical: move around more!

Although there is a lot of discussion about physical activity these days, we still do a ton of sitting around.

You might be asking what the problem is with sitting so much. So let’s look at the facts: without enough movement and activity, we are starving our brain in another way and setting us up for the same old patterns.

What about the reverse? What if we bumped up our activity level? In the late 1990s, Dr. Van Praag and his colleagues at the Laboratory of Genetics at the Salk Institute in San Diego, California, showed that exercise increases neurogenesis (or the birth of new brain cells).

When you exercise, a flood of oxygen heads to your brain and a number of other processes are triggered that help your brain grow. So by exercising, we’re actually rewiring the brain in a healthy way and giving our brain an extra boost to function at peak performance.

Rewire the brain in a healthy way by exercising! #fortify Click To Tweet

GET STARTED

Studies are showing that poor health can cause us to be more susceptible to impulsive decisions. When we are tired, hungry, or in bed all day, it can be much harder to resist those cravings when they come. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Even simple adjustments in the Big Three – sleep, diet and exercise – can super-charge your path to freedom in surprising ways.

There are countless ways to strengthen your defenses and Fortify yourself. By recharging your body with the sleep, fuel, and energy it needs, you can give yourself an even better shot at kicking porn to the curb, for good. We may not be running this marathon with you, but we are cheering for you the whole way.

If you have a pornography addiction, don’t let it stand in the way of who you want to become…check out Fortify! Their core strategies help you to get to the root of your addiction so you can find long lasting freedom.

It’s National Prevention Week #NPW2017, May 14th through May 20th, 2017, brought to you by SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration). This week is a great time to increase public awareness of mental and substance use disorders. Eating well, getting more sleep, and exercising can help with prevention as well as helping addicts in the recovery process. SAMHSA says, MAKE EACH DAY COUNT and help with prevention by helping people reach their full potential.

For more information on how to overcome the destructive addiction to pornography, check out our eBook.

Madylon’s Story: My Life Has Been an Emotional Roller Coaster

My life from day one has been an emotional roller coaster. I have had many up and downs…mostly downs.

My mom is a drug addict. I had to live with her. I have been yelled at, screamed at, called worthless and almost every other name in the book. I have been beaten, molested, sold, forgotten, left, homeless, starving, dying. I have wanted to kill myself for a long time. After many years, my dad finally thought it was a good idea to get me away from my mom.

I now suffer from extreme depression, anxiety, and PTSD. My dad tonight, yelled at me and I had a freak attack. My dad isn’t nice and neither is my stepmom so we fight often, but tonight it hit me and I wanted to do anything to leave this Earth right now. I wanted to stop being a disappointment, but then I got on this site…TheHopeLine.com. I talked to someone, and told my story and it kind of made me feel better…like that I shouldn’t give up.

Thanks,
Madylon

Don’t give up, there’s hope for a better tomorrow. If you are having struggles in your life and dealing with depression, download TheHopeLine’s free eBook to find help.

6 Questions with Brian Johnson (Bethel Music)

Brian & Jenn Johnson: After All These Years

I got a chance to chat with Brian Johnson about the new album he and his wife released, After All These Years. Brian and Jenn Johnson have done many compilations with well-known artists over the years and they are worship leaders at Bethel Church in Redding, California and founders of Bethel Music and WorshipU. Their album, After All These Years, is their first solo release album together in over 10 years.

Brian says, “I think with this album, it’s not as much about being wowed by something but about being honest and raw.” He says, “We purposely, on many occasions, decided to keep things the way they were – even a vocal that’s not perfect.”

Have you ever asked what is the purpose of worship? Do worship leaders ever share about their own personal struggles? Have you been turned off from God because of what someone did? Did you know that worship can help with anxiety and depression? Brian shared answers to these questions and more. Be sure to click each of the links below to hear the actual interview.

What inspired you to write this album?

Brian explained, “The idea of doing an album after all these years is the title of the album, After All These Years, because of what happened throughout these past ten years. In this interview Brian shared openly and honestly about his nervous breakdown and other experiences that inspired their lyrics and compositions. Be sure to listen to the audio clip.

What inspired you to write this album?

What got you through your nervous breakdown?

Have you wondered if celebrities ever have struggles? And how do they overcome them? Brian shared with me about his own nervous breakdown and said that he had to “go deep with God.” Listen to what he shared in this clip of the interview.

What got you through your nervous breakdown?

How do you think worshiping God and seeking God can help with anxiety and depression?

Brian said, “I think it’s like a reset button, your phone gets bogged down and starts acting weird and you got to reset it. I think we are the same way. I think it brings things back in the appropriate perspective and balance.”

In honesty Brian shared this with me, “In my case, I hit a wall. I got put in the hospital that day, I just couldn’t breathe, the emotional and spiritual became physical. I can coin this phrase, but consider it a gift when God becomes your only option. There is a point in all of our lives where God becomes the only option. The beautiful thing is when nothing works and we have one option with God. That’s what happened. It’s terrible, but at the same time the best thing that ever happened to me.”

How do you think worshipping God and seeking God can help with anxiety and depression?

The beautiful thing is when nothing works and we have one option with God. @brianjohnsonM Click To Tweet

Why do you think worship is so important?

Brian believes, “The beautiful thing about worship is there is a progression sometimes, it’s like processing, like insecurity processing doubt…leading us into those moments, but God you were faithful here, you were faithful there. I can’t feel or see, but I’m going to take a step of faith right now and sing out that I trust you.”

What’s the inspiration with the song, You’re Gonna Be Okay?

Jenn wrote this song and Brian shared that, “She wrote it for a few of her friends, almost prophetic, declaring over them, prophesying: I’m seeing something, I’m feeling something from the heart of God that I know that you don’t know and you’re not feeling, but I’m just telling you right now, with the authority of heaven, you’re going to be okay.”

What is the inspiration behind the song, You're Gonna Be Okay?

I’m just telling you right now, you’re gonna be okay. @jennjohnson20 Click To Tweet

Is there something you would say to someone who is a non-believer or who has not been exposed to much worship music or this kind of music?

Brian said this, “I just feel there are so many distractions and things that get in the way of a pure relationship with God. And it’s actually not complicated. It’s quite simple.There is a Creator that created everything and sent His son. When we approach that, almost with a clean slate and just say: God if you are real, speak to me, if you are real, reveal yourself to me. I believe God will always reveal himself to a hungry heart, to someone that knows that they are not God, to someone that really, genuinely wants to know their Creator.”

Is there something you would say to someone who is a non-believer or who has not been exposed to much worship music or this kind of music?

If you are struggling with making a connection with God, Brian shared this, “When I had my nervous breakdown, I had to connect with God as if I was on a deserted island for the rest of my life with nobody else there. I know that there has to be something that’s bigger than me that holds this world together. You look at science, it’s amazing what it takes for things to grow and live. When you approach God from that point of view you will find God as clear as day. I think keeping your relationship with God is just as important. Approaching God as if, that sacred time with Him, that sacred moment, is a big deal.”

I believe God will always reveal himself to a hungry heart. @brianjohnsonM Click To Tweet

Connect with Brian and Jenn Johnson: http://brianandjennjohnson.com/

Does anything Brian said challenge your way of thinking or did anything he say make an impact on you? Please leave us a comment below.

Rachel & TheHopeLine Team

If you are dealing with stress and anxiety, like Brian has, to get help, download your free eBook today.

What People Are Saying About Dawson McAllister & TheHopeLine®

What is TheHopeLine? Who is Dawson McAllister? We are best defined by the people who we have helped. Here are their stories..with their heartbreak, and their victories expressed. These are some of the amazing thank you’s we’ve received from people who have come to us in their time of need. We are honored and blessed to have been a small part of their lives…giving love, encouragement, advice, guidance, and hope when all else seemed lost.

People Are Saying…

Fighting With My Sister…

“Seven years ago my older sister and I got into a big fight. I didn’t talk to her for a long time. Then about 5 months ago, I was listening to Dawson’s talk show and he helped me. Dawson was talking to someone else about the same situation that my older sister and I had. Well, that helped me because Dawson said to forgive and move forward. And so my sister and I made up. So thank you so much Dawson.” – Sierra

Suicidal…

“My life was saved tonight, thanks to a HopeCoach who selflessly listened to me and helped me find the strength within myself to keep going. I was ready to end my life, had last all hope in any redemption. Without this service I would be gone. Thank you for saving my life, for supporting me when I had nobody else to turn to and for showing me that there is hope for me. This is an amazing service that has the power to move mountains. Thank you.” – Jenna

Feeling alone…

“I was feeling totally and utterly alone tonight, so alone that I didn’t want to be here anymore. I had an online chat with Kelsey and honestly she couldn’t of helped me more! I got that attached, I didn’t want to stop talking!! haha Sometimes, you feel like all life is doom and gloom but you’ve just got to find out what you’re good at and show people what you can do, and do something you love! I’m super happy now and although actions still need to be took to get me back on track, after speaking the Kelsey at TheHopeLine, I already feel one step closer to happiness!” – Emily

I’m 39 now, I will never forget…

“Hello! Yes, it has been a long time since hearing Dawson McAllister but he was placed on my heart. I would tune in when I was in high school. I struggled with bulimia, cutting and lived in an abusive environment. There is hope!! I am free from bulimia and cutting. I have forgiven those who have abused me…and one of them I dearly love! There is hope!!” – Katey

Parent’s Divorce…

“My parents divorced in 2008 and it impacted me a lot. I was really attached to my dad and not having him around has really affected me. I was listening to the radio on a Sunday night and I happened upon Dawson McAllister. I thought it was wonderful and decided that I would try it [TheHopeLine], so I did, and I feel wonderful! Thank you Hope Line!!!!” – Isabell

I used to want to kill myself...

Dawson, thank you…

“Hi, I’m Hannah. I was about 10 when I turned my local radio station on for the night and I heard the show. I heard it once, but I didn’t turn it on again until I was about 13. That was a horrible time in my life, and it honestly only got worse, but with listening to your show and listening to what other people were going through and the advice that was given to other people, you helped me to feel a lot better about myself and who I was becoming. I felt like a bad person before. I still do sometimes, but now I listen to the show every Sunday night and it is a great start to my week. So, thank you.” – Hannah

Child Abuse…

“When I was 3 years old, my parents divorced. Now that I’m getting older I have to pick sides. When I was 12, I chose to live with my mom because my dad threatened me. Now I am 13 and being abused in a way my parents don’t see. They think everything is okay. In the way I see it, it’s hard and it’s a struggle. I have tried to commit suicide once and now a year after, I have decided to get help. I got on here and talked to one of the HopeCoaches. I chatted with Bay, she talked me through everything. She listened to me and even suggested that I call the Childhelp. These people really helped me and is helping me to change my life. Thank you!” – Tia

While I Was in Prison…

“Dawson, I just wanted to tell you that I listened to your radio program while I was in prison. I was 20 years old when I committed my crime. When I listened to the young people’s stories, I heard so much of my own problems that lead me to prison. Your advice was good and I was glad to know you are a believer. I served 19 years in prison. I used that time to get an education and take classes that helped me better my thinking and behavior. Most of all, God got a hold of me and transformed my life. Keep doing what you do, Dawson. Had I heard your program sooner, it might have kept me from making the bad choices I did. I’m 40 years old and starting my life over, its not easy, but I have a whole different attitude and perspective now. Praise God! May you be blessed.” – Sherry Ann

Diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety…

“I was going through a lot. I was going through getting diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It was very rough, I wanted to die. I felt like I had no one that cared about me at all. Then I realized there was people out there who cared and might have no clue who you are. The people on TheHopeLine were people who did not even know about me but they still cared about me and how I felt. Now, I know that if I need someone they are always here for me and I get a different person every time but they still try to understand what is going on.” – Cassady

Helpful and Encouraging…

“I have used TheHopeLine chat. The people I talked to were helpful and encouraged me. God loves me and you too!” – Kimberly

Battling with Depression…

“I was getting really low, and I was starting to think about suicide more and more every day and then I started listening to Dawson. I heard how there were so many other people like me out there and the words of advice that Dawson shared with them, it felt like he was sharing with me. I took what he said to those people to heart and I got some help. My life has gotten so much better! I have a girlfriend now and i have an awesome relationship with my parents. Thanks Dawson for the second Chance at Life! you truly are the grace of God!” – Damion

I was raped...

Hopelessness…

“I am older and perhaps not the intended user for the TheHopeLine. But I brought my sorrows here several times and I was startled by the quick response, patience of the coaches, and generosity of spirit. I would like to encourage all young people, whatever issues that challenge you to reach out to your fellow spiritual beings that share this world with you. You will see, most of all, that you are not alone. And from my age perspective, you can survive almost anything with a brighter future to be yours.” – Tony

I Felt Like I Wanted to Cheat…

“I started my relationship with a girl and it’s not a bad relationship. All of a sudden, I started getting an urge to start kissing random female’s on the street, but then I found TheHopeLine and started chatting with someone. Now, I am back to normal and loving my girl like no tomorrow. We are now happily married and we have decided to explore the world together as a pair while coming back to our small apartment in the UK every once in a while.” – John

Frustrating Relationship…

“I was very frustrated with my relationship. HopeCoaches helped me to calm down and attack the problem instead of each other. After a long conversation, I felt great and was ready to make it work with my girlfriend. I just want to say thanks!” – Cedrick

Depression…

“For the past couple weeks, I was depressed and I did not talk to anyone about it. Then I decided to talk to a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine and they were very helpful. When they helped me out I could feel the depression and anger leaving me and now I feel better than I did before.” – Austin

Bullied…

“I signed up for this thinking it was just going to be a website where you get told advice that you have been given before. But I was wrong. They offered me sites to go on and advice that helps. Now I am more happy and can deal with things a lot better!” – Zack

I Felt Like Ending It…

“I felt very low. Just to say a big thank you to Dawson McAllister on the telephone today as I am in a bad way and he understood and gave me some good resources and guidance that should hopefully help me in the future. Bless TheHopeLine! Hope is Here.” – Unknown

If you have a story to share about how you were helped by Dawson McAllister or TheHopeLine, submit your story here!

A Rape Survivor’s Story

The journey toward healing begins with the truth.

Sarah Kate shares her story of rape, alcoholism, and depression with Unveiled Campaign. This downward spiral that she found herself on was the result of a secret she was keeping…she had been abused and sexually assaulted. She is now on a journey toward healing and shares how she was able to unveil the lies from the truth and learn to love herself again.

Here is Sarah Kate’s Story: (Grab a tissue, you are going to need it.)

UNVEILED is a campaign whose aim is to reveal or unveillies we tell ourselves so we can walk in truth and freedom to fulfill our dreams and destiny.

What Should I Do If I’ve Been Raped?

RAINN, a partner of TheHopeLine, shares what to do if you or a friend is sexually assaulted.

It’s hard to know what to do, how to feel, or what your options are after a sexual assault. Please know that you’re not alone.

Find a safe environment anywhere away from the attacker. Ask a trusted friend to stay with you for moral support.
Know that what happened was not your fault and that now you should do what is best for you.
Report the attack to police by calling 911. A counselor on the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE can help you understand the process.
Preserve evidence of the attack – don’t bathe or brush your teeth.
Write down all the details you can recall about the attack & the attacker.
Ask the hospital to conduct a rape kit exam to preserve forensic evidence.
If you suspect you were drugged, ask that a urine sample be collected. The sample will need to be analyzed later on by a forensic lab.

We All Go Through Dark Times

Your Journey May Be Dark But That Doesn’t Mean It’s Hopeless

Guest Blog written by: Jarrid Wilson, founder of Anthem of Hope. Anthem of Hope is a non-profit organization dedicated to illuminating hope for those battling brokenness, depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicide and addiction.

WHO HAVE I BECOME?

I remember sitting in my room one night after I had just got home from smoking weed and drinking a little too much with a group of people that I had convinced myself were real friends. I was about nineteen years old and still trying to navigate my purpose in life as most of us do. As I sat in my bed and stared at the wall with glossy eyes and tears beginning to stream down my face, I remember thinking to myself, “This is hopeless.” I then walked into the bathroom and proceeded to look at myself mirror. I remember being confused at who I saw staring back at me.

“This isn’t me,”

I mumbled under my breath.

“Who have I become?”

I thought to myself.

I had been going down this dark road for quite some time now. I wasn’t the person God created me to be. I was doing things I swore I’d never do, I was becoming a person I swore I’d never become, I was spending time with people I swore I’d never spend time with, and I was digging myself a hole that eventually felt too deep to climb out of. I had convinced myself that there was no way out of this darkness. I felt stuck. I was depressed, lonely, searching for worth in all the wrong places, and I was sure that God wanted nothing to do with me.

WE ALL GO THROUGH DARK TIMES.

Depression does that to you. Anxiety can do that to you. Darkness can do that to you. You begin convincing yourself that darkness actually means hopelessness. But it doesn’t. This couldn’t be any farther from the truth. The reality is we all go through dark times in life. And although our darkness may look and feel different depending on the person, this doesn’t make hope any less obtainable, no matter how broken and lifeless one may feel.

Hopeless is how I spent most of my life. But what I perceived as hopelessness was actually just darkness in disguise. It wasn’t until I learned to drop my guard, admit that it was okay to not be okay, share my hurt with others, and grab hold of God that things started to change for me. The darkness started to subside, and hope began infiltrating every crevice of my life. It wasn’t immediate. It took time. And nor did it prevent darkness from trying to control me on a daily basis. But it was there, and it was present.

It's okay to not be okay. #notokay @JarridWilson Click To Tweet

Hope is one of those things we can’t outrun no matter how quick and witty we think we are. It’s always one step ahead of us, waiting to be seen and grabbed hold of. God’s love, regardless if you believe in it or not, is a light in dark and weary times. It’s a lighthouse to a ship lost in a sea of colossal waves, and life-raft for those who are sinking.

God's love is a life-raft for those who are sinking. @JarridWilson Click To Tweet

HOPE IS AVAILABLE.

Your life has a purpose no matter how broken you think it may be. And although “darkness” is something you might struggle with throughout your life, you must always remember that the hope of God is there to grab hold of in times of need.

-Jarrid Wilson

Are you experiencing an overwhelming sadness and loss of hope? Download this free eBook for help with depression.

Feelings of Depression

by Dawson McAllister

Are you suffering from depression?

If you are struggling with depression, I want you to know, I hear your pain…I know it’s real…I know you can’t just snap out of it…or choose to be happy.

I get it…this depression…well it stinks, and it’s not anything you’ve asked for.

So today – I want to share all the ways in which I’ve heard depression described by people who are suffering. If you see yourself in these words, please know that you are not alone.

All satisfaction is gone ~ Void ~ Empty ~ Nothingness ~ Cloudy ~ Darkness hovering ~ Can’t find joy in anything ~ Simple tasks painful ~ No purpose in life ~ Alone ~ No self-esteem ~ Unable to find meaning in life ~ Not able to get out of bed ~ Wondering what’s the point ~ Wear a social mask, until you can’t anymore ~ Shutting everyone out ~ Fear you won’t ever be happy again

If you are struggling with #depression, I want you to know, I hear your pain, I know it’s real. Click To Tweet

Or maybe you can relate to these goals set by blogger, Courtney Bridgman, on The Mighty:

To be totally 100 percent honest, to just get out of bed in the morning would be really nice.
To make it through an entire day (12 hours!) without wanting to go back to bed and hide from the world would give me ahuge sense of accomplishment as well.
Start to tell myself I am not a failure or a waste of space in the world.
Answer my phone when my mom calls to see how I’m doing so she doesn’t worry too much and show up unexpectedly at my house to see if I am still alive.
Accept that this is my battle and not resist it so much that it makes my suffering worse.
Choose to love myself.

So why do I share all this? Because I want you to know that a lot of people understand your struggle. And the good news is that those who suffer from depression also describe how it feels to get to the other side. I’ve heard it described as leaving the winter season and moving into spring. So hold on because there is always the other side!

Someone said, “I’m so thankful that I held onto the faith that on the other side of the pain is something good.”

Try to remind yourself of that thought in the dark times.

On the other side of pain is something good. @DawsonRadio #depression Click To Tweet

Also remember depression is treatable! Sadly, many people do not recognize this and the symptoms of depression keep them from seeking treatment. If you do nothing else, please:

Talk to someone – a doctor, a trusted friend, a parent, a pastor. Share your feelings with someone.
Seek Treatment – Treatment might include anti-depressants or “talk therapy” or a combination of both.
Ask for prayer – Sometimes you may not even know how to pray for yourself anymore, so then let others cover you in prayer. It is easy to ask for prayer on ThePrayerZone.

As you seek treatment, here are some other things you should consider:

Try to be active and exercise. Go to a movie, a ballgame, or another event or activity that you once enjoyed.
Set realistic goals for yourself (maybe like the ones Courtney set above.)
Break up large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can as you can.
Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately. Do not expect to suddenly “snap out of” your depression. Often during treatment for depression, sleep and appetite will begin to improve before your depressed mood lifts.
Postpone important decisions, such as getting married or divorced or changing jobs, until you feel better. Discuss decisions with others who know you well and have a more objective view of your situation.
Continue to educate yourself about depression.

(Source: National Institute of Mental Health)

So we get it…we know it’s hard…and we want to be your listening ear if you need one. Please don’t hesitate to chat with TheHopeLine.

I also pray that you will continue to trust God and seek him even in the darkness because I promise you He is with you. God promises this in the Bible, “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.” Isaiah 43:2 And, “Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:10

For more verses of Hope: Verses for Hope When Struggling with Depression.

Did anything I suggested in this post help you or any other thoughts on dealing with depression? Let me know in the comments.

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

Elanor’s Story: Depression, Self-harm, Suicide

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t feeling sad.

I hope I haven’t always been, but ever since I was little I used to think there was always something telling me I was worthless and ugly; I thought my brain was broken. When I grew up my brother was going through a hard time and he took it out on me by hitting me very hard. He would call me fat, ugly, worthless, terrible; it shaped how I still think of myself to this day. Since he was seven years older than me and I was very young it affected me badly.

My mother and father would ignore me when I was angry or upset. I became older and it seemed like the world was crashing down on me. I hated my life so badly but I also hated that I was ungrateful; I knew others were in worst positions than me so I shoved my feelings down. Occasionally I would just lie on my floor, barely able to breathe, so angry and miserable that I would cry for long periods of time, staring in the mirror and hating myself.

I remember when I started to self harm; the way it stung right before it bled made me feel better. It was like I was releasing pain from my body. When my mother found out about it she hit me and screamed. I started to cut myself around my ribs and on my side to hide the marks, I couldn’t stop.

During this time, I made a lot of friends who made me behave badly. I started to become very sexual, thinking that if boys wanted me it meant I was beautiful. I was too young to think like this, but my best friend was doing it, so I decided to. I did things I regret so much that I still stay up thinking about them. I worry that more people will find out, and I actually fear that I will be in a lot of trouble, not just with my family.

Somehow I felt like someone was taking over my body and making me hate myself and helping me make bad decisions. I started therapy and I hated it, at first. I felt too vulnerable, like I wasn’t strong and I was so mentally unstable that I deserved to be in an institution. I realize I was wrong now, I was very strong. I cried a lot and got very angry at myself when I did, I learned later that this was because my parents have shamed me for crying growing up. My therapist seemed threatening to me and I never fully got comfortable. The lowest point was when I wrote suicide notes.

I thought that I was meant to be the girl who killed herself, I didn’t think I had a future.

I started to take medicine for my depression and it helped. Fighting with my parents became worse, and I was still making horrible decisions with boys at such a young age. My mother made me feel worthless, my father ignored when she would strike me.

Eventually the sadness ebbed away, my irritability started to lessen, I ignored my bad temptations. I was still depressed but I could handle it. After many different medicines and large upward and downward spikes in my mental health I became stable. I got closer with friends, I stayed away from relationships until I loved myself, I stopped wanting to cut. My story is not very well written because I am still ashamed and will not write out the details. I want the readers to know that I am still struggling, that every day is a battle, but I learned how to cope. This is not exactly a happy ending, since I am lonely and still being bullied and harassed for my old behavior. Life doesn’t give you happy endings but you can make the best of it. Having a mental illness is not a bad thing, and if you have one you’re allowed to feel and exist, you are not a burden.

If you have a mental illness, you're allowed to feel. You're not a burden. Click To Tweet

There is hope!

Elanor

TheHopeLine agrees that you are not a burden. You are an individual who needs to be able to express them self and be loved and supported no matter what struggles you have.

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. For a list of crisis centers around the world and additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

Don’t stay in that place of self-hate, it’s going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it’s possible. TheHopeLine’s eBook on self-worth gives practical advice on how to increase your self-esteem.

Patrick’s Story: I tried to kill myself

Patrick’s Story

All my life no one, my age, ever really liked me. I was that kid that smelled even thought most of the time I didn’t. Anyway, when I was 14, men started emailing me asking to be my friend; something I never really had. I hesitated at first, then I met one of them. At first, we just sorta hung out, then they started to tell me they need me give them something . You can guess what that meant. At the time, I didn’t think this was an issue. I felt wanted and I felt loved, something I haven’t felt in a while. Now you might ask…were my parents bad or something? They weren’t, they were just busy with their careers. After a while, they made me feel like I had to sneak out at night.

When I got into my second year of high school, I found a girl friend that liked me for who I was. Then, one day I was riding my moped and I fell. I hit my head, and yes, I was wearing a helmet. I went blank for a minute but I was okay, just a scraped hand. I got up and kept riding and a week later. I started getting headaches. I went to the ER and I had a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). About another week later was the first time I tried to kill myself. I stole my family boat and tried to sink it with me inside it…this didn’t work. This was the first time I was hospitalized. I was hospitalized two more times before. They asked if I was ever sexually abused and every other time they asked that I said no but then it clicked, and I opened up. It had never occurred to me that I was abused. I tried to kill myself more times, the other times with pills and jumping off a overpass. Just to give you an update that was the first time my parent found out about the abuse. I had kept it hidden for over 3 years. All in this time, I was cutting and got kicked out of three schools.

Stories of Abuse Survivors:
Abbie’s Story of Sexual Abuse
Talleha’s Story of Hope (Video)

I was also diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It got so bad, I went to a residential hospital for nine months. After that, life was so much less stressful and the flashbacks came fewer and the wish to die subsided. I still suffer from anxiety and depression, but its manageable, and I am also not on any medication.

I’m proof that if you just take a break from life and work really hard and have a lot of support…you can get through anything!

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. For a list of crisis centers around the world and additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

If you are struggling with painful emotions like Patrick download TheHopeLine’s free eBook today.

Leah’s Story: My Parents Got Divorced

My Parents Got Divorced

When I was 10 years old, my parents got divorced. They were always arguing and fighting. My dad was cheating on my mom, with a woman named Lisa. He would always come home so late, and sometimes he didn’t come home at all. I was very depressed and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I had nobody to talk to about it. I would cry myself to sleep.

One day, I wrapped my my hands around my throat and squeezed as hard as I could. I couldn’t do it because I thought about my family.

One day, I came across TheHopeLine® and it helped me through all of this. I was meant to find and join this site. It saved my life and I realized this…it wasn’t my fault at all. I wasn’t alone.

If you are feeling alone and are dealing with divorce, check out our eBook: Understanding Divorce.

Tonight, I Walked that Thin Line

Have You Walked That Thin Line Between Life And Death?

We grew up away from other people, out in the country. My Mom was as religious as she was irrational, and the two don’t mix. She once grounded me for a week for putting the soap on the wrong side of the sink. She used to pit my brother and I against each other. Dad didn’t really see the damage, and he may never see it. We grew up so isolated, only interacting at school. I never had people over or went over to peoples houses that weren’t my mom’s friends, and she was always present. In a small town, you don’t have much of a window of opportunity to make close friends, and I missed that deadline. I was always just alone. And I thought it was normal.

In 2008, the depression hit pretty bad. I was never close to anybody, even girlfriends and teammates. My voice was always drowned out, interrupted, and ignored.

I always seemed happy and energetic on the outside, but no one knew what was going on.

Since 2008, I wake up every morning…angry I made it through the night. Suicide is always on my mind. The years of drug abuse and cheap thrills coupled with the depression led to some wildly irrational behavior.

In 2010, I put a single bullet into a revolver, spun the chamber, put it to my temple and pulled the trigger. I never told anyone, I just put the gun back and went to school. It got better after a while, and I did fairly well in school somehow.

Now that I’m almost done with my engineering degree, the stress is building up. The happiness started to fade away as I barely am able to keep up with the homework and tests. After drinking myself into an acute case of pancreatitis (and almost dying), I no longer have friends or people to talk to, since all my friends were drunks. I turned to more drugs.

I almost killed myself tonight..I walked that thin line, and TheHopeLine saved my life.

Randy

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

If you are walking that thin line or know someone else who is, check out TheHopeLine’s free eBook.

The Do’s (And Don’ts) When Your Friend Is Battling Depression

When your friend is battling depression…what should you say? Meagan Prins, blog writer for HeartSupport share her perspective in this guest post.

So Many People in My Life Were Struggling

A friend once sat next to me on a park bench and told me the only way he could get out of bed in the morning was by smoking a joint and turning his brain off from the pain.

For a while, I got long and desperate voicemails from my brother early in the morning about how he couldn’t sleep, couldn’t shake the feeling of being alone.

The more people I met in high school and college, the more the word kept popping up. I’m depressed. My mom is depressed. My sister, my cousin, my best friend.

So many of the people I care most about in the world have told me the same thing. They were in a fog they couldn’t shake, a darkness sat on them like a two-hundred pound weight. Life didn’t seem worth living most of the time.

The word depression used to be so informal. It’s been used it to talk about everything from a bad day or a random mishap to breakups and funerals. Depression was sadness, was being upset by something, or maybe even being heartbroken.

For the longest time, depression was something that couldn’t touch me. It was something I myself was immune to, so why should I care?

Despite so many people I knew dealing with this similar struggle, I really didn’t get it. I’d had bad days too, but I always managed to move on. Things were hard sometimes, yes, but I still held so strongly to this belief that life was what you made it. That happiness was a choice, or something.

I didn’t know how to help them. I didn’t know what to say, so I talked their ears off and said all the wrong things.

Cheer up! Life get’s better.
Just pray about it.
Maybe if you try just a little bit harder.
I understand what you’re going through.
Look at all the good things in your life.

But Depression is REAL

An afternoon in June, that all changed.

For one of the longest hours of my life, I thought I lost someone who I cannot imagine living without. She had gone missing for hours, leaving only a scary note behind. I left probably twenty voicemails pleading for her life, my head pounding with the possibility.

I could have woken up without her. She could have been gone from my life forever.

And why? Because depression is real. Because for a long time, depression told her that no one would care if she just disappeared.

I sat in the car with her a few hours later, holding her hand and sobbing. I had no idea what to say, how to help, how to fix anything. But what I did know was that I didn’t want to live in world without her without any of my friends who were struggling with depression.

Just Listen and Love

So I shut up. I barred my mouth and let it sink in how incredibly amazing it was to have this girl in my life. No longer would I sugarcoat her pain, her loneliness.

I stopped pretending like I could do anything at all except listen and love. Click To Tweet

Depression is one of the most powerful and subtle forces on the planet, a slow-acting poison that seeps into the life of every person who breathes air and thinks thoughts. I realize now that it wants to destroy me and you too. It either tackles each of us personally or vows to take shots at the people we care about.

And now that I understand how much I’ve messed up all these years, I think it’s starting to make sense what our part is to play in the fight against depression.

It’s Not About You

If your friend is struggling, the first thing you must realize is that it isn’t about you. That was the first trap I always seemed to fall in. I thought that I could remedy the situation, that the words that I said would actually make them feel better. I thought I knew what they needed.

It doesn’t always make sense, it isn’t always clear, and it’s really freaking hard. What is the source? Hard to say. What will make it better? Who really knows.

Validate What They Are Feeling

Talking with many of my friends, they have told me that all they really want is for their feelings to be validated. In a society where bouts of depression are often down-played, undermined, or ignored entirely, they just want to know that someone sees their pain”someone acknowledges the intensity of it.

That SUCKS. You don’t have to go through this alone if you don’t want to.

It’s that simple if we let it be. Our friends and family need us to hear them out and to hold them tight. They need us to listen to what they need, not be told what we think would help them. We need to let them talk about it instead of sweeping the rain cloud under a rug and ignoring what is really going on.

Each of us has a secret battle: depression, self-hate, pride, the wounds of the past, overwhelming fear, anxiety, you name it. We don’t always want to talk about it, but we know it is there. And despite how much we try to hide it, it feels really good when someone let’s us know that it is ok that we are struggling.

In a world where depression is downplayed, our friends want to know we see their pain. Click To Tweet

It also feels really good when the people in our lives give us the time and the space to struggle with our battle. It takes time, it takes patience, it takes resilience. The people in our lives need that from us as well.

No matter how dark life seems, or how low we feel, there is hope in knowing there is someone beside you to bolster you, to guard your back.

Will we always understand what our friends are going through? No. Will we always be able to help them? Definitely not. But can we always be there? If we care, absolutely.

How does what Meagan said impact the way you will respond next time a friend tells you they are depressed?

Guest blog written by Meagan Prins was She is part of HeartSupport’s Blog Team. Meagan is a college student, athlete, and a dreamer. She writes: “In life there are hurts, hearts, big plans and small disappointments. There’s my faith and my doubt and I write about that for HeartSupport‘s Blog Team!”

TheHopeLine is here for you! If you are facing depression and need help…we are here. We will not tell you to just pray about it or to just cheer up. Depression is real and we want to help give you the tools you need to help yourself or help a friend who is struggling with depression. Also, check out TheHopeLine’s free eBook: Understanding Depression!

(Video) Unspoken But Not Unheard

[Video] Unspoken But Not Unheard

Meet Mariah. She almost gave up on life. Here is her powerful story and she has an encouraging message for YOU.

I’m Mariah.

If everything went as planned I would be dead 4 years now BUT that plan didn’t work. And I’m here for a reason.actually a million reasons. Since high school, I had been depressed. Ugly, fat, nerd, worthless, the list goes on. I felt like nothing and was used by many, especially males. I was raped April 16^th, 2011. The song playing, Casting Crowns – “Does Anybody Hear Her”, went through my head that night as I tried to shower him off my body and mind. The depression followed. I planned my death. September 21^st, 2011, I sat with pills in my hand. Next thing I knew, I was being taken to the hospital. I spent 3 weeks in Psych. I eventually dropped out of school in 2012 because of the depression. I was hospitalized two more times for weeks at a time. I even planned my funeral at one point.

I wished for death every day and had no desire to live. One day something hit me and I realized I needed to be alive.

This is a picture from my wedding day October 18^th, 2014me and my husband and our first dance. My first dance with a man who loves me despite my past. First dance song lyrics said, If you knew how lonely my life has been and how long I’ve been so alone. And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along and change my life the way you’ve done. Since my depression spell, I graduated college, are working a job I enjoy, and am happily married. This was my graduation cap: My Fight is won! What if I had died?

You are worth so much!

Don’t you dare give up on this life.

Not Today.

Not Tomorrow.

NOT EVER!

Overwhelming Sadness and then Hope

Two years ago my best friend was killed in a car accident. He wasn’t just my best friend…he could have possibly been my soul mate. And I haven’t accepted his death, so my head is still stuck in 2013 rather than 2015. I was in too much shock to take it all in and now I am, slowly starting to notice that he isn’t going to be coming home anytime soon.

I was trying to write something , anything and all I could think of was how much I missed him. My depression has kicked into high gear and I just was looking for someone, other than people who know me to hear my story with no judgment and I found this site and signed up and decided to give it a try, to give me some sort of hope and calm myself down. Sarah, was my HopeCoach and she was the one who actually made me aware that I am stuck in 2013 mentally because of his loss. She prayed for me and at the end, I had a smile on my face and happy tears because of the prayer.

Thank you Sarah and to the other HopeCoaches who take their time to talk to people who are struggling. Thank you for helping to keep us motivated and helping us to carry on.

To hear our stories, means a lot to me and I am sure to everyone else. You guys are awesome 🙂

Jordyn

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

Hope Deferred Makes the Heart Sick

Tonight, We Feel Your Pain!

Guest Blog written by: Charles Wagner, founder of Gramazin (www.gramazin.com). Gramazin is a place for people to share their stories of hope and overcoming adversity. On gramazin.com you can see someone put into words how you might be feeling, read about someone else’s solutions for their issues which might apply to what you are going through and energize yourself to keep striving to make a difference in people’s lives.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

You want it so much. You desire it so much. Others have it. Why can’t you? You aren’t asking for much, are you? You just want what so many other people have. They take it for granted! You don’t! You treasure it! It is priceless! It is precious to you!

But, it is not yours. No matter how much you pray for it, you can’t have it. No matter how much you work for it, you can’t achieve it. No matter how much you value it, you can’t take it home and make it be yours.

It makes your heart sick! I mean sick. Discouragement. Despair. Absence of any joy. Nothing gives you pleasure. Nothing gives you joy. A friend trying to get your mind off your pain can put a smile on your face only as long as they sustain the effort. As soon as they depart, the gloom washes quickly back in to your soul.

Some call it depression. Others call it grief. Still others may call it envy, the green-eyed monster. Whatever it is called, it is your experience tonight. We understand. Been there, done that.

The first part of that verse resonates with us. Hope deferred does make the heart sick. The second does not.

What? Should I keep on longing and maybe someday it will be fulfilled? I can’t do it anymore! I can’t! The old reservoir of hope tankis running on fumes!

We understand God sees things differently that we do. He teaches. He guides. He even lovingly disciplines. The thing we are hoping for just might not be what is good for us.

Really? Seriously? I can’t have it?

No! I know what is better for you!

Ah, come on!!!!!!!! I want it so much!!!!!

I know. I know. But I have something better for you!

What is that? What could possibly be better than what I hope for?

Me!

What?

Yes, me! I am the God of all creation. I can give you everything you need. I can fulfill your every need. Whatever you desire in the core of your being, I can deliver it better than anything or anyone else. I want you to long for me! I want you to want me. If you long for me, you will be fulfilled! Anything else you think you want will pale in comparison to what I deliver.

The irony is this if we actually get the thing we hope for so much, it will be disappointing. It satisfies for a moment but than the thrill is gone. We then search for something else to hope for and the process starts over again.

Or, we can long for God and He will be the tree of life for us!

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

Overcoming Depression and Suicide [Video]

Anxiety, Depression, and Suicide – Chris Mora of Darkness Divided

Chris Mora of Darkness Divided stops by HeartSupport (one of TheHopeLine’s partners) to talk about his personal battles with depression and a suicide attempt.

Here is Chris Mora’s story:

From Athlete to Wheelchair, Depression & Thoughts of Suicide – Garrett Russell of Silent Planet

Garrett Russell of Silent Planet shares with HeartSupport, how when he found out he would never play sports again, he started getting depressed very quickly and eventually started thinking about ending his life. But after a trip serving in an orphanage in Haiti, his life started to change.

Here is Garrett Russell’s story:

HeartSupport’s founder is Jake Luhrs, lead singer of internationally renowned metal band, August Burns Red. HeartSupport is an online community to talk openly about the issues you are facing. Watch videos of other people’s stories, read blogs, share your story and find help on how to overcome your struggles, no matter what they are.

HeartSupport’s view is that:

No matter how far you’ve fallen
No matter how screwed up you feel
No matter how many lies you’ve told
No matter how long you’ve hid
No matter how dark your circumstance
No matter how much you regret it
No matter how badly you messed up
No matter how big you sinned
No matter how guilty you are
No matter how many felonies you have
No matter how long you’ve struggled
No matter how many times you’ve tried
No matter how weak you feel
No matter how dirty your past
No matter how you see yourself

THEY STILL BELIEVE IN YOU and SO DO WE!

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

5 Things to Never Say to Someone Who’s Depressed

by Dawson McAllister

Starting the Conversation about Depression

I’ve always wanted my radio show and TheHopeLine to be a place where people felt comfortable talking about the tough stuff. A place where people could open up about the things they have been trying to hide. I know, once you start telling your story, you are on a path to healing. To be a safe place, it is often important to know what NOT to say about certain struggles. So today I address 5 things not to say to someone who’s depressed.

Until we get rid of the unacceptable stigma of mental illness, it’s going to be very hard for people to come forward for care.

Mental illness, including depression, anxiety, bi-polar, etc., can be hard to talk about. Unfortunately, there is a stigma surrounding mental illness that keeps people from opening up. They don’t want to be seen as weak or fall into any stereotypes surrounding mental illness. According to the Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, M.D, fewer than half of the people who have a mental illness get the care they need. He said, “Until we get rid of the unacceptable stigma of mental illness, it’s going to be very hard for people to come forward for care.”

Understanding Depression

Our partner organization, Centerstone, describes depression this way. “Depression is more than a day of feeling low. It is a long-lasting, often recurring illness as real and disabling as heart disease or arthritis. People with depression feel increasingly isolated from family and friends.One of the frustrating parts of dealing with depression is there are no outward signs or conclusive testing of the illness. There is no rash or fever. There isn’t a blood test to diagnose. So people with depression are often treated as if they are making it up or should just be able to snap out of it.”

Depression Affects Many People

Yet depression is very common, affecting about 10 percent of the U.S. population (almost 20 million people) every year. One in four women and one in ten men will experience a depressive episode in their lifetime. In our Guest Blog by Centerstone, Are you Depressed?, we address how you can know if you or someone you care about has depression. We also have a quick checklist about depression symptoms.

You can Be a Safe Place to Talk

As we open up this discussion, I want to address how to support someone who may be struggling with this illness. There are some very hurtful things that well-meaning people often say.

5 things to AVOID saying

1. What do you have to be depressed about?

There are people who have it much worse than you.The depressed person already knows this and doesn’t need it pointed out to them. Often the most frustrating part of depression is that they can’t explain why they feel like they do. Imagine what it must feel like to have a really good life and not be able to enjoy it. By asking them this question, you will make them feel even worse for seemingly not being grateful for what they have.

2. Happiness is a choice. You just need to change your mind-set and focus on the positive.

When you say this to someone struggling with depression, you are essentially telling them that they are CHOOSING to be negative and sadthat they are bringing this depression on themselves. If it was as simple as choosing to be happy, don’t you think they would?

3. You don’t need medication.

Unless you are a doctor, DO NOT give clinical or medical advice. Leave that to the professionals. Rather encourage someone facing depression to talk it over with their doctor.

4. You’re depressed again?

Trust me, they are scared to be falling into depression again. For you to sound annoyed does not help.

5. Are you reading your Bible enough? Are you praying enough?

To someone who is depressed, asking them this question feels as if you are saying, “If you just trusted God more or had more faith, you wouldn’t be depressed” somehow suggesting it is their fault God hasn’t healed them. However, none of us can DO ENOUGH on our own to get God to act how we think He should. Thankfully, God’s love and provision are not based on our performance.I trust completely that God’s ways are wiser than ours and that He loves us like crazy. And while God removes some struggles immediately, He allows us to walk through others. And even though I might not understand, I believe He has a purpose in all things.

So while healing is not based on our performance of Bible reading and prayer, these things can bring comfort. I would suggest saying something like this instead, I know you are trusting God, and I will pray that He brings you a peace that only He can bring. And, if you are interested, here are a few Bible verses that I just thought might encourage your spirit a little today.TheHopeLine® has put together this list of Bible verses for you to share.

So know you know what NOT to say, but what can you do for someone struggling with depression?

Let them know that:

They are NOT alone.
You are NOT leaving.
Their struggle is real and you know that.
You are available to listen.
You are praying for them.

Here is a personal video message from me to anyone who is struggling with hopelessness right now. DON’T EVER GIVE UP.

So tell me do you struggle with depression? What is it like for you? Were you hurt by someone during a depressed season in your life? What is the most helpful thing someone could do for you? Do you have encouragement and advice for others who are struggling?

Let’s get the conversation started – it’s safe here!

Are You Depressed?

3 Keys to Recognizing and Understanding Depression

Are you depressed? This Guest Blog is written by: Susan Gillpatrick, MEd, LPC, CTS with Centerstone (a not-for-profit organization, they have provided a wide range of mental health and addiction services to people of all ages for more than 50 years)

Depression is a common illness that we often hear about, yet ironically usually have difficulty recognizing, particularly in ourselves. Therefore, oftentimes too many people living with depression don’t seek proper treatment. However, by arming ourselves with the facts about the illness, we can learn to distinguish it from a simple case of the blues,understand the symptoms and underlying causes, and therefore seek effective treatment. Remember, depression is common, more than just feeling down and most importantly, depression is treatable!

Depression is common

Depression is a common, yet serious, illness that affects 20 million Americans each year. If you or someone you know is depressed, you are not alone. At least one person in ten will have a depression at least once in his or her life. Depression in its various forms (anxiety, stress, insomnia, fatigue, vague aches and pains, etc.) is one of the most common problems seen by doctors.

Women experience depression at a rate that is nearly twice that of men. The reasons may include things like: hormonal changes, coping with multiple responsibilities, persistent negative thinking and low self esteem, genetic reasons, medication side effects or situational reasons. Many women are also particularly vulnerable after the birth of a baby. The hormonal and physical changes, as well as the added responsibility of a new life, can be factors that lead to postpartum depression in some women. While transient “blues” are common in new mothers, a full-blown depressive episode is not a normal occurrence and requires active intervention.

Although men are less likely to suffer from depression than women, 6 million men in the United States are affected by the illness. In fact, the rate of suicide in men is four times that of women (though more women attempt it). Depression may be more difficult to recognize in men, because instead of feeling hopeless and helpless, men will exhibit irritability, anger and discouragement. Men often mask their depression with alcohol, drugs or by the socially acceptable habit of working excessively long hours. Additionally, men are less likely to admit to depression and doctors are less likely to suspect it. Even if a man realizes that he is depressed, he may be less willing than a woman to seek help. Encouragement and support from concerned family members can make a difference.

Depression is not just feeling down

Depression is a mood disorder that causes you to feel sad or hopeless for an extended period of time. It is important to know the difference in clinical depression and having the blues. Depression is an illness that robs one of the meaning of life. Depression is not about being weak, and it is not about just feeling low or having a few bad days. A depressive disorder is an illness that involves the body, mood and thoughts. It affects the way a person eats and sleeps, the way one feels about oneself and the way one thinks about things. A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood. It is not a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed or wished away. People with a depressive illness cannot merely “pull themselves together” and get better. Many people with depression produce a higher-than-normal level of the stress hormone, cortisol. Cortisol suppresses the immune system. People with poor health may run from doctor to doctor putting out one fire after another when the underlying cause may be depression.

Depression affects the length and quality of life. It is the #1 cause of alcoholism, drug abuse and other addictions. Depression can be an all-pervasive emotional-mental-physical source of misery. It can affect all aspects of a person’s life impairing ability to sleep, eat, work and get along with others. It damages our self-esteem, self-confidence and our ability to accomplish everyday tasks. Depression is not just feeling down; it puts a dark, gloomy cloud over how we see the world, our future and ourselves. The cloud cannot be willed away, nor can we ignore it and have it magically disappear.

There is also a link between stress and depression. There is a complex relationship among stressful situations, our mind and body’s reaction to stress and the onset of clinical depression. It is clear that some people develop depression after a stressful event in their livesdeath of a loved one, the loss of a job or the end of a relationship. Stress can also occur as the result of a more positive event such as getting married, moving to a new city or starting a new job. It is not uncommon for either positive or negative events to become a crisis that precedes the development of clinical depression. Depression can be seasonal as well as situational with some finding the dreariness of winter months particularly tough. This is called SAD – Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Below are some core signs and symptoms common with a variety of types of depression:

Feeling empty, lonely and isolated
Feeling hopeless or worthless
Lacking an interest in activities
Feeling mentally and physically tired
Finding it difficult to make decisions
Experiencing physical pain that does not respond to treatment

[Read more…] about Are You Depressed?

Saved by Grace

Genevieve Was Saved By Grace

Dear TheHopeLine,

I just wanted to say thank you. I started connecting with you guys at TheHopeLine last year when I was struggling with self harm. I’ve been fighting the battle of depression and anxiety for a good four years now with two close incidents of ending of my life. I was saved by grace. This whole year has been recovery for me with both therapy and medicine. I was just reflecting a bit, and I’m just really thankful I was able to chat with a HopeCoach last year when I was too scared to reach out to anyone else. It honestly made such an impact and I’m so blessed. You guys are amazing!

God bless,

Genevieve

Update from Genevieve (about a year later):

Hi, After connecting with you guys again after a year since I had previous done so- it was exactly what I needed. You guys sent me the book, Cut about overcoming self harm and it was everything I needed to hear. While I do therapy, having that Christian resource with so many incredible tips and advice was exactly what I needed. Thank you so much!

Genevieve

Scars don’t have to last forever. Here is a page of resources to help those struggling with self-harm: thehopeline.com/selfharm-resources and you can find the book, Cut that Genevieve referred to.

My Relationship, Depression and Then Hope

My Struggle With Depression And Then Hope

On May 5th, 2014, I got into a relationship with a United States Airman. I had known him for over 6 years as a friend and we had dated a couple of times before that. The month before we got together, I was in a relationship with my best friend from high school. We were together for 2 and a half years. The relationship me and him were in was heading downhill. It got to where I took care of him, he wouldn’t get a job, and wouldn’t take care of himself hygenically. So I started talking to my airman. We talked while he was stationed at an undisclosed air base. I was 700 miles away. We were talking and I realized he was grown into the shoes he wears and he was everything I wanted. I didn’t want to leave the relationship I was in, but my airman told me he would always love me, and that he wanted me in his life and that he believe he could truly make me happy. I never stopped loving him from the previous relationships and I knew he was who I wanted, but I was the one breaking up with him in the past relationships. So, I made the choice to get out of the 2 and a half year relationship. However, my airman was afraid to tell me that he was given orders to deploy to Afghanistan for 6 months in September. He thought I wouldn’t want to try a relationship again. I cried after knowing that, but not because he hid that from me. I was afraid for him. He wanted to know if I could come help my best friend Mel (who was living with him at the time) keep the apartment they were staying at. It is hard enough to keep an apartment with a full time job paying minimum wage, but she was only part time and wouldn’t have a change to keep the apartment after he shipped out overseas, so I agreed to move down there, get a job and help her keep the apartment. I finished up my 3rd year in college, and didn’t enroll for the next year.

So, May 1st rolls around, and they leave the airbase, driving 700 miles back home to visit family and friends. They surprised me by showing up at my house that night. They had birthday gifts for me that I didn’t know about. My best friend got me a dragonfly necklace and the guy I was talking to at the time got me a pillow pet baby seal that glowed in the dark. I gave the pillow pet the nickname Jumbo, due to his large size. They told me they were still 3 hours away, then they pulled in my driveway twenty minutes later. My best friend snuck into the house to get me, and I ran outside and jumped in his arms, giving him a big hug where I missed him. 4 days later, he comes to see me at my house, and we talked and talked for hours just lying in my bed. And he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was ecstatic and said yes.

So May 14th rolled around and we got all my stuff packed and got me moved two states away. I was happy to have someone to fall asleep next to, and to cuddle at night and not be so alone anymore. As time started going by, we got intimate, which was the only thing we had in common. He liked staying on his computer, and building computers, and working on his personal server that he kept in the apartment. I enjoyed talking and companionship, but I enjoyed being near him more. As September seemed to get closer, I was getting worried about him leaving for 6 months. I was so in love with him, and didn’t think I could last a day without him.

Mid-August comes up, and he gave me some news about his deployment. His orders were canceled. He no longer had to go to Afghanistan. Needless to say, I was happy. I was happy because I wouldn’t be alone like I thought I would. I cried again, but with happiness. More months go by, and we started arguing more, because I wanted to have ‘talks’ with him, explaining that I felt emotionally neglected because he didn’t want to spend any time with me. I was working two jobs by this point. I almost never got a day off from both jobs, and when I came home at 8-10pm after being gone since 7-9 that morning, I wanted just five minutes of alone time with him when I came home. He wouldn’t hardly give me the time of day when I came home. He stayed on his computer and done things that made him happy.

Time continuing, he decides to buy a house after having two noise complaints at the apartment he was staying in, so we all started looking for houses. He found the perfect one, and decided to buy it. November started becoming a stressful month, and it got to where we didn’t do anything anymore. We never went on dates anymore. He wouldn’t go with me to Walmart, because God knows I don’t like being alone in big places. But at every opportunity, I was go with him wherever he went just to get those 5 minutes I wanted. When he wouldn’t give me the 5 minutes I wanted with him, I would stay up until 2am just to be awake when he comes to bed so I could remember the cuddles he would give me that night. And I had to wake up early to go to work. It was worth it to me.

December rolls around, and I am constantly reminding him that I want more time with him. He felt that we had nothing to do together anymore except be intimate, which bored him after a while and which I yearned for because I got time with him. We finally get into a final argument and he broke up with me.

I spent hours crying in the bedroom, begging him not to do it. I begged him to come to bed with me, and hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay, but that night he slept on the couch. I cried until 4am. I texted my mom and told her I wanted to come home more than anything. I cried until I couldn’t breathe, and cried until exhaustion caused me to sleep. I woke up that next morning as he was getting ready for work, and as he put on his uniform, I wiped my eyes again as they started tearing up. Many thoughts crossed my mind at the time. Why now? Why break my heart after I move 700 miles away for him? Why break my heart after convincing me to break up with someone and promise me that he could make me happy? He started to head for the door to leave, and I said to him “I love you,” and with a distasteful sigh, he looked back at me, and said “And you know I love you,” as if he were tired of saying it. He would always say “I love you” before going to work, but that morning was different. It was saying to me “I love you, but not ‘in’ love with you,”

That day, I decided to go back home. He told me I was more than welcome to stay, but my heart couldn’t do it anymore after he said that if I stayed, there would be no more kisses, I love you’s, or intimate moments. I asked him to do me one favor to keep my sanity at least until I could go back home to my family. I asked for 3 good days. I asked for 3 days of hugs, kisses, and I love you’s. He said he would do it for me. I had hoped that during those 3 days of packing my stuff, hugging him, and kissing him would make him realize that he still loved me. It didn’t work and only hurt me further. The night I left was 5 days until Christmas. He helped me get packed and loaded my stuff into my mother’s car. My mother and aunt got into the car, and I hugged him and cried harder than I ever cried before. He told me everything would be okay. Maybe after I learned to base my happiness on my life rather than on him, and made something of myself then maybe we could try again

I finally get home after a 13 hour drive and unload my stuff into the house. Since that night, I’ve went to bed every night crying and contemplating on how my life is going to turn out. I can’t imagine my life without him because I put all of myself into the relationship. If I was willing to move away from my friends and family to come help him and be with him, then I must have loved him. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him, and the happy times we shared. It’s hard to go through my phone and see pictures of us. It’s hard to go to town and see the same red truck he drives. It’s hard to go to bed and sleep on the pillow he bought me and to smell him on all of my blankets.

I had been thinking on ending my life. Not saying that I was going to, but I was thinking about it for reasons beyond my control. It’s been 3 weeks since the breakup and I’m falling further down into a depression and going on these downward spirals to where I can’t think straight or think at all. I just want my humanity turned off. I don’t want emotion ruling my life.

So for a few nights, the thoughts of ending my life came on stronger and it was not what I wanted to do. I didn’t want a permanent solution to a temporary problem.So I started doing research online and found TheHopeLine®.

Here, I was able to chat with a Coach, who suggested that I take care of myself before this depression gets any worse. And the amazing thing was, he/she gave me advice that no one was giving me. They were telling me stuff I already knew and stuff I needed to know. Maybe getting help is the best solution for me because doing nothing will make this worse.

While I was waiting in line to talk to the HopeCoach, I was in one of my downward spirals, asking God “Why am I hurting so much? Why do I think about him all the time? I just want this pain to end, I just want to live life happy again.” At the end of the chat, the Coach asked if I would like to pray, and it was there that I believed God wanted my suffering to end. He wanted to guide me out of this dark hole long enough to find one of his people who he calls on to help others. He wanted me to know that he was thinking of me during this whole thing. If it were not for my dark thoughts, I never would have searched for help, and I wouldn’t have found it.

God led me to the Coach that I chatted with, and from there, both of them have helped me through this ordeal.

I can only hope and pray that it can get easier here on out. Thanks to anyone who is reading my story.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I may not see it yet, and you may not yet either, but God loves you, and he will guide you through anything. God bless you, and have a safe year.

-Sarah

On My Own Over Christmas

I have been on my own over the Christmas period. Since it was Christmas, my counselor wasn’t working so I was on my own for a whole week. I was in desperate need of a reason to live. The HopeCoach I talked to, calmed me down and helped me find the Lord again. We said a prayer together and the HopeCoach spent all night with me from 9 at night until 6:57 in the morning. No other help line does this, so…THANK YOU! And thank you so much for saving me!

-Rebecca

She Struggled with Cutting and Anxiety

Taylor Shares Her Story of Cutting and Anxiety

Taylor was struggling with cutting and anxiety and depression. Thankfully she found TheHopeLine®.

I have been cutting as a result from depression and severe anxiety. I started when I was 15 years old, and I am now 19 years old. I have been on TheHopeLine.com for a few months now and I have to say that they have helped me through the hard times I have had.

They connected me to two mentors and have made my connection with the Lord much stronger than ever before from the resources they sent me. I really appreciate the people who I chatted with.

Thank you TheHopeLine®!!!

Taylor

For more on how to understand the causes of anxiety and social anxiety disorders and how to deal with them, download TheHopeLine’s free eBook.

How To Help A Suicidal Friend

by Dawson McAllister

If you know someone who has thought about ending their life by suicide, you realize how hard it is to know what to say or do about it.

Are they just joking? Do they just want attention? Or is something serious going on? The truth is, most suicidal individuals give definite warnings of their suicidal intentions, but people around them are either unaware of the significance of those warnings or don’t know how to respond to them.

Kendra said she has thought about killing herself many times:

If I don’t have anyone to talk to once in a while, to get my feelings out, I get really sad, because I feel like no one cares about me. I think about what would people think if I was dead, or would they be happier without me? I’d hate to think Kendra, or someone like her, would kill herself because she feels no one ever showed her they cared. Perhaps you have a friend like Kendra who has said some things to you that sounded like she or he might be deeply depressed, or even suicidal. It’s very important to recognize those signs.

Most suicidal individuals give definite warnings of their suicidal intentions.

Here are some of the signs to watch for. A suicidal friend may:

Talk about suicide, death, and/or having no reason to live
Withdraw from friends or social activities
Experience drastic changes in behavior
Lose interest in hobbies, work, school, etc.
Give away prized possessions
Lose interest in their personal appearance
Express a deep sense of hopelessness
Increase in drug or alcohol use
A deep sense of serenity, or being at peace
Complain about being a bad person or feeling rotten inside

They may even be desperate enough to say something like…

If I killed myself, then people would be sorry
If I wasn’t around, no one would miss me
All of my problems will end soon
I won’t be a problem for you much longer
Nothing matters; it’s no use
I won’t see you again

Make sure you take any threat of suicide seriously.

So what can you do to help someone who has suicidal thoughts?

Get involved. Be available. Show interest and support.
Don’t be afraid to talk with them about suicide. Talking about it does not make it worse, but better. Be direct. Talk openly and freely about suicide.
Be willing to listen without judgement. Ask, “Tell me what you are feeling?”
Assure them that you understand that what they are feeling is very real to them, but that they are NOT alone.
Let them know you aren’t going to abandon them.
If they haven’t brought it up, but you are concerned they are thinking about suicide, ask them directly. Here’s an example how, “Sometimes when people feel they way you are describing they have thoughts of suicide. Is this true with you?” If they are, this gives them permission to talk about it and actually brings relief because someone else brought it up. If they aren’t, they will rush to assure you they aren’t.
Ask if they have a plan. If so, take them seriously and move quickly to get help. Remove anything that would help them carry out their plan guns, drugs, alcohol, knives, etc.
Offer hope that alternatives are available.
Provide them with a list of suicide prevention resources.
Help them fill out the Suicide Safety Plan.

Things to Avoid Saying/Doing to Someone Talking About Suicide.

“I think you’re just bluffing. I don’t believe you.”
Don’t act shocked.
“You’re not serious. Your just looking for attention?”
It is not helpful to just rattle off a list of reasons to live without first listening to what they are feeling.
Don’t dismiss what they are feeling. It is very real to them.
Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Get support.

Nicole said her sister saved her when she felt suicidal: Because of her, I am still here. If you know anyone who you may think have depression or suicidal thoughts ask him or her if everything is okay and comfort them.

The Most Important Thing You Can Do

It is not so much about WHAT you say. The most important thing you can do is reassure your friend that you love them.

That’s what happened when Heather was feeling suicidal: I told [my friend] what was going on and he just kept telling me that he cared, that it wasn’t the right thing for me, that I had so much more to do with my life. But the thing that helped me was that he said he loved me. I had felt so alone and no one had told me that in awhile not even my mom. Remind your friend that no matter how awful their problems seem, they can be worked out, and you are willing to help.

Get involved. Be available. Show love. Click To Tweet

Please make sure you take any threat seriously from a suicidal friend. Of all the people who have died by suicide, 80% have given some kind of warning. A person who you feel is high risk for suicide should never be left alone, if even for a moment. Keep talking to that person, and stay with him or her. Don’t feel like you have to handle this on your own. Get help from individuals or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention. We’ve also created a list of helpful blogs, videos, downloads and more which you can view here: Suicide Resources

Most times a suicidal person needs someone close to them to be a voice of hope. Amberly agrees: Sometimes all you need is to be loved and know someone is there to catch you when you are about to fall. You could very well be that voice of hope to someone you love. Your efforts might just save someone’s life.

You could very well be that voice of hope to someone you love. Click To Tweet