Hate Yourself

Mental Health: How to Cope After Losing a Job

by Dawson McAllister

It’s never easy to cope with job loss – and it’s even harder if you’ve been fired or laid off unexpectedly. Most people experience grief after losing a job, just as they would after any other significant loss.

It can be jarring to feel the intense, negative emotions that come with unemployment. But there’s no need to feel guilty for being sad, angry, or anxious about the future. You’re not alone in your feelings or your circumstances.

The important thing is to have a plan for dealing with your feelings in a healthy way so that you can move forward to the next opportunity.

Most people experience grief after losing a job, just as they would after any other significant loss. Click To Tweet

Take a Break

In the days right after losing your job, it may be tempting to exhaust yourself with job searching. You may also feel immobilized by depression and anxiety.

It’s important to take a break to lower your stress level. Make time to rest, hydrate, and eat well so that you can keep your focus sharp and your energy up as you get ready for your next steps.

Don’t forget to stay active in things you enjoy. Getting exercise and keeping engaged in your favorite hobbies are simple, effective ways to decrease anxiety. The endorphin boost makes it easier to maintain a positive attitude.

Find an Outlet

Often, one of the most upsetting things about losing your job is losing your peer group at work. But the good news is, they weren’t your only outlet. When facing unemployment, you can reach out to family, friends, or a mentor you can trust. Having someone to talk to is a great way to process your feelings and makes it easier to maintain a positive perspective.

7 Ways to Support a Friend or Loved One with Depression

Make a Plan

You’ll need time to adjust, but making a plan for moving forward ensures you don’t stay stuck. Career experts suggest:

Make time: Set aside time to job search (and separate time for other important things in your life). Schedule your job search as you would your work.

Join a Job Club: Job clubs and career centers are a great place to update your resume and cover letter, refine your job search techniques, and perfect your interviewing skills.

Network: Connecting with others is a great way to find your next job opportunity. To make it easier, you can attend networking events with friends.

Keep the Faith

Things can seem bleak after losing your job, But there’s always hope. God will never abandon you and he rewards faith during difficult times.

“Now faith is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you do not see. . . Anyone who comes to HIm must believe that He exists, and that He rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:1, 6

If you have an existing mental illness, the sudden changes that happen when you lose your job makes things even more difficult. It’s always important to avoid places and situations that could trigger addictive or harmful behaviors, but it’s good to be especially careful during this time.

When keeping the faith gets hard, don’t give into despair. TheHopeLine is here to help We can help you talk things through and plan for your success. Are you ready for a new beginning?

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

You Can Be Twenty-Five Percent Happier

by Dawson McAllister

Giving Thanks Increases Happiness

Let’s be honest. Sometimes life is really hard. We feel broken, lonely, shamed, hopeless. It’s hard to find the positive in anything. And why should we even bother to try? Everything is just messed up. But what if we made a point to find SOMETHING to be happy for. What would happen to us?

Trust me, I’ve had my share of trials. Did you know I have a son who was in a car accident in his early twenties and now lives in a nursing home because he had a traumatic brain injury? It’s sometimes hard to “look on the bright side.” I get it.

But here’s something to consider, research has proven that intentionally giving thanks for things in your life, even in the tough times, increases your happiness by twenty-five percent! Now tell me, who doesn’t want to be twenty-five percent happier?

Research Proves You Can Be 25% Happier

In a study done by Emmons and McCullough, they asked some of the participants to maintain a journal recording things for which they were grateful and a separate group of participants to record things they found annoying. When the results came back they found that participants in the group monitoring things for which they were grateful had significantly higher levels of well-being than the others. It turns out that practicing gratitude increases happiness, optimism, and satisfaction with your life by approximately 25%.

Thankfulness, even in the tough times, increases your happiness by 25%! #givethanks Click To Tweet

It makes sense. Whatever you wire your brain to focus on is going to directly impact how you feel. Emmons says. “When you express a feeling, you amplify it. When you express anger, you get angrier; when you express gratitude, you become more grateful.”

The Kindness Experiment

Practicing Gratitude

So how do you go about “practicing gratitude”? It could be as simple as making a point every day to stop and find at least one thing to be thankful for. And don’t convince yourself there isn’t even one thing to be thankful for because there always is. If you are choosing to not find even one thing, then you are essentially choosing unhappiness. That is your choice. But if you want to try to find happiness look around you.

Perhaps the thing you are thankful for is as simple as…

My favorite comfy sweats
That person who held the door for me when I was shopping
The warm shining sun
Singing with the radio
TheHopeLine

Here were some things I found to be thankful for in the midst of my heart ache for my son.

He receives great care and is loved by many
We can still share a laugh together
He often gives me a big thumbs up
I am still able to host my radio show which I love
And my list could go on…

Make a point every day to stop and find at least one thing to be thankful for. #givethanks Click To Tweet

These are a start. A start to training your brain to look for something good. I know it doesn’t make the bad go away, but your attitude will start to shift.

You can also practice gratitude by keeping a journal and documenting things to be thankful for. This is a great tool to go back and read when you are feeling down.

Further Research: Helping Others Increases Morale

The study also found that grateful people stop focusing so much on their pain and problems, and rather start to see how they can help others in distress. It is a great morale booster to take your eyes off your own problems and focus on helping others.

Great Morale Booster: Take your eyes off your own problems and focus on helping others. #helpinghand Click To Tweet

If you need some help to get started with how to give back, we’ve come up with a list of our Top 10 Ways to give back. Click here to view the list.

There is a verse in the Bible that says, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). God knew that life on earth wasn’t going to always be easy once sin came into the world, but he also knew long ago, what researchers have just recently proven…that if we continually give thanks through it all, we will make it through the tough times and find happiness.

What can it hurt? Give it a try. Give thanks!

Worn – Tenth Avenue North [Video]

Is Life Wearing You Down?

“I’m tired, I’m worn. My heart is heavy from the work it takes to keep on breathing. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve let my hope fail. My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world. And I know that you can give me rest. So I cry out with all that I have left.”

These words from the song Worn by Tenth Avenue North resonate with so many. Hold on. You are not alone.

For more resources on the topic of suicide go to our Suicide Resource Page.

Lacey Sturm’s Story In Her Own Words [Video]

When It’s All Too Much

Rocker Lacey Sturm, formerly the lead singer for the band FlyLeaf, planned to end her life by suicide when she was 16. Life was too heavy. She’d been hurt by too many people. And as an atheist, she just couldn’t find a reason to “do” life anymore.

But then she encountered someone who knew all her pain and loved her anyway. She found the hope to hang on.

For more resources on the topic of suicide go to our Suicide Resource Page.

The Overwhelming Feeling of Loneliness: EP 24

What Keeps You from Meaningful Relationships?

Feeling Alone can be Overwhelming

Loneliness can lead to a lot of other issues; such as, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even thoughts of suicide. If you’ve been feeling lonely, know it’s not God’s plan for your life. He wants us to have friends and to love each other as He loves us. In this episode, I talk about loneliness with Amy, Tim, and Rebecca. We’ll talk about what keeps them from having meaningful relationships and how they can find and build friendships.

Girls Don’t Seem to Like Her

Amy wishes she had girlfriends to go out and have fun with. When she’s not with her boyfriend, she’s at home by herself. She says, girls don’t seem to like her. Amy is asking the question, why? Why does she lack meaningful relationships, especially with other girls?

It’s a challenge to maintain long-term relationships. We live hurried, busy lives and don’t always take the time to develop them. We get prideful and don’t want to appear like we need others. Sometimes we don’t know how to find and keep deeper relationships. Or it’s easy to take offense or decide we are better off without people in our lives.

Afraid to Reach Out

Many times, when we ask, why am I lonely? We already know what the answer is. The challenge is it’s too emotionally risky to solve the problem. Most people know what to do, they just don’t know how to do it or they are not willing to pay the price to remedy the problem. What are some reasons people are afraid to reach out?

Pride – Amy doesn’t want to look like she’s trying too hard to make friends.
Fear of rejection – you have to put yourself out there and you don’t know how the other person is going to respond.
Confused about how many friends you really need. Amy is thinking about a lot of friends but one friend at this point is really all she needs. Most people only have 2 or 3 really close friends anyway.
It’s hard when you’re lonely to think that other people around you are lonely too. Some camouflage their needs really well. It’s not like they have a sign on their forward that says, “Talk to me I’m lonely.”
Some people don’t understand there are sacrifices to developing new relationships. Amy may have to cut back on her time with her boyfriend to take the time to make friends with other girls. It’s worth it but it’s not easy.

Lonely? It’s not God’s plan for your life. He wants us to have friends & to love each other. Click To Tweet

Show Yourself Friendly

Amy needs to put aside her pride and be willing to make the first move toward gaining a friend. She needs to begin to show herself friendly. She can’t just wait for friends to come to her. This means she has to set aside time to get to know other people. She’s going to have to get out of her comfort zone and do activities with people other than her boyfriend. Amy has the tools to do this and with God’s help she can.

Grief and Loneliness

Tim was an only child and both of his parents died. He said they were very poor but he never lacked for food or clothes, his parents took good care of him. It’s been 5 years since they died. Tim works in the oil field and makes good money but the girls he’s dated think he’s gullible and lonely.

Lonely people have often been struck with major hurts and tragedies. Sometimes through no fault of their own, the very people who would help fill the gap of aloneness are snatched from them. Grief and loneliness can come hand in hand.

Tim has really been through it…losing both parents can be devastating. Ye he’s the only one who can make the changes in his life that will help develop deep, important, and potentially long-term relationships with others.

Tim, however is constantly reminded he’s all alone. He’s had shallow relationships with girls who don’t care about him. At the same time, he’s observing others who are enjoying the good family life. So, what hope does Tim have?

Lonely people have often been struck with major hurts and tragedies through no fault of their own. Click To Tweet

God’s Help for Loneliness

He needs to remind himself how God helped him when he was very young. The same hope he had as a child when God put the food on the table from a very poor family is still available to him now. That same God who helped him back then, can and will help him again with his fears and loneliness. King David wrote, “The steps of a man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way. Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, for the LORD is holding his hand. I once was young and now am old, yet never have I seen the righteous abandoned or their children begging for bread.” Psalm 37:23-25

The good news for Tim is he already has a relationship with God. He speaks of God’s provisions but it’s hard for him to apply that to his feelings of loneliness. As Dr. Billy Graham once said, “Nothing dissolves loneliness like a session with God’s Word.” Tim needs to seek the Lord with all of his heart and then friendships and relationships will fall into place. Jesus said, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33

Be a Good Friend

Rebecca is feeling lonely and wants more friends. She has 2 friends at school, but they are in different classes, so she doesn’t see them much.

Rebecca needs to understand this is not a little thing we are talking about. God’s will is for her to have friends. If God wants us to have friends, then he will make the way for us to find them. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

God’s going to help Rebecca. Part of His plan is found in Proverbs 18:24, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” As I mentioned to Rebecca, if she is a good friend and shows others she’s approachable, then people will want to be around her.

Shared Experiences

One key to making friends is shared experiences. This is why teammates can become so close as well as roommates, coworkers, and people into the same interests. They share experiences together and get to know each other while doing similar activities.

Rebecca needs to find a group to join; whether it’s a club, team, community service group, study group, or youth group. This way she can get to know people through shared experiences. Meaningful relationships do not develop overnight. They take time and must be cultivated.

Meaningful #relationships do not develop overnight. They take time and must be cultivated. Click To Tweet

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

God does not want us to go through struggles alone. He wants us to have friends, who will stick with us through thick or thin. Proverbs 12:12 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

A friend can make all the difference in your life whether you are going through a really hard time or you are doing well. A true friend, as the Bible says, can stick closer to you than a sister or brother.

My prayer for you is that you will find the right kind of friends and they will help you and you will help them and you will have a much richer life. God bless you as you seek to find those friends.

Resources for help with LONELINESS:

Check out my eBooks: Understanding Loneliness and Understanding Friendships.
Check out my blogs: 10 Tips to End Loneliness, Just Say Hi, How to Make Friends, and 9 Tips for Being a Good Friend
Check out this story of hope from Leigh who struggled with loneliness: Isolation.
Need to talk about loneliness? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on verbal abuse in the family. The words of an abuser can cause all kinds of agony and can set one on a lifelong destructive course. In this episode, I speak with Lance, who’s verbally attacked by his parents. I also talk with Sarah who endures verbal abuse at least twice a day trapped in the car with her dad. And the most difficult conversation I had is with Tameka, whose father emotionally and verbally abuses her. He calls her names and puts her down every day. If you need help dealing with verbal abuse in your family, then this one is for you!

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

How to Deal with Anger: EP 23

Emotional Stuffing, Misplaced Anger, and Rage

In This Episode:

I’m glad you are listening to this podcast dealing with anger. Everybody struggles with it: you, me and the guy down the street. That’s why God speaks about it so much in the Bible. I had a chance to talk with 3 people: Evie, Donald and Matthew about their anger. I think you will be moved by their honesty but also the serious traps they could fall into if they don’t deal with it.

Built Up Resentments

Evie’s mom is a quadriplegic from a car accident that happened when Evie was 4 years old. Evie hasn’t had much of a childhood and has a lot of built up resentments. Evie’s been forced to take care of her mom practically her whole life and is constantly reminded of her very difficult predicament. She feels alone and isolated. She feels her situation is keeping her in bondage, with no freedom in sight. So, to make up for the pain and her sense of powerlessness, she’s turned to anger. Her plan has been to take her anger out on herself and others. That’s called misplaced anger. But that does not work. It fails her every time and leaves her sad and even more frustrated.

Find the Positive to Deal

Evie, however, is doing some positive things to help her cope. She writes music, poetry and spends time in nature. She’s trying to deal with her issues in a healthy way but in the end, her coping mechanisms are not enough. She needs to understand what she’s going through from a whole different perspective.

King David suffered from many heartaches; like abandonment, loneliness and other deep emotional issues. Yet, he kept his faith in God. David let God help him change the way he viewed his life. David was able to turn from feeling sad to glad by praising God for what He had done. David said in Palms 40:3, “He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD.”

There is no way Evie can get over her anger without God. She needs something miraculous to happen. With God’s help, she can transform the way she looks at her life. She can turn from anger and resentment to praise and hope.

With God’s help you can turn from anger and resentment to praise and hope. @dawsonradio #anger Click To Tweet

Taking Anger Out on Everybody Else

Donald is having anger problems. His friends can be joking, and he can get angry one minute and then be happy the next. Donald said, “When my temper flares up, I lose what I’m doing and start taking my anger out on everybody else.” I encouraged Donald to visit a doctor to see if he needs medication. Seeking professional opinions can help and it doesn’t mean we are a failure. Seeing a psychiatrist is not a death sentence. They have been able to help millions of people get relief.

Part of the reason, Donald is struggling is because he’s an emotional stuffer. Instead of releasing how he feels in a positive way, he buries them. Therefore, the emotions have no place to go. Stuffing them can cause him to carry around emotional explosives which can be triggered by just about anything.

Find a Trusted Person to Talk to

Donald needs to find ways to express his feelings in a positive way. One way is to talk out how he’s feeling and not just act like everything is okay. He needs to find someone…a friend, a minister, a counselor, a trusted family member to talk things out. He also needs to discuss issues he has with others as they happen and not wait until he can’t handle the emotions anymore. For example, if someone close to him hurts him, he needs to go to them and discuss how he’s feeling instead of ignoring it.

The Bible tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger. We need to quickly stop from being angry so that we don’t let anger control our lives. As you read the Bible, you will find strength and encouragement and it can be a powerful outlet to your deep emotions. The Bible has a lot to say about anger and the emotions that feed it. King David wrote, “Refrain from anger and abandon wrath; do not fret–it can only bring harm.” Psalm 37:8

Remember God wants to turn our anger and fretting into peace and love! The choice is ours!

Seeing a psychiatrist is not a death sentence. They have helped millions of people get relief. Click To Tweet

Afraid to Get Out of Control

Matthew gets irritated and frustrated over little things. He says in the past, he’s gotten out of control and he’s afraid he might be getting to that point again. For example, wanting to throw the coffee table across the room.

Matthew has developed good insights into himself. He can see he has used anger to make up for the powerlessness he feels. Anger has become his protector but has its disastrous results. He wants to stop his anger from getting out of control. He understood what I was saying, “If you don’t do something about it, it will do something about you.” Anger is like a bad habit, it just grows and grows until disaster strikes.

Find a Place to Get Help

Part of his problem is he doesn’t know where to go to get help. He will have to be proactive to find the help he needs. He needs counseling which can help him discover the roots of his anger. He needs a whole support team around him to help him when he feels that rage. Church can be a great place to find help and a support team. He’ll have to be persistent to find a church which will help him. He needs to know, God will help him in getting down the road to freedom from anger and rage. The Bible says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Ephesians 4:31

Anger is like a bad habit, it just grows and grows until disaster strikes. @DawsonRadio Click To Tweet

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Perhaps, this episode has caused you to examine your own anger. If that is true, may I suggest a simple prayer that could change your anger problems in amazing ways.

Dear God, I submit myself to you. I don’t want to be an angry person. Help me so I don’t let the sun go down on my anger. I want peace and calm in place of anger. Help me to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I trust you to help me with this issue in my life. Thank you that you are going to change me into a whole new person as I seek and obey you! Amen.

May God give you the courage and love that we all need to face anger and other hurtful emotions. It can be a long journey but one we must take. God bless you!

Resources for help with ANGER:

Check out my blogs: What is Anger?, Why Do We Get Angry?, How to Manage Your Anger, and Using Your Anger for Good!
Check out these stories of hope from people who have struggled with anger: I Feel 100x Lighter, and My Night Started with Cutting.
If you are dealing with anger, you might have someone in your life you need to forgive. Here’s some resources for just that: Blogs: What is Forgiveness?, How to Forgive, and our eBook: Understanding Forgiveness.
Looking for a counselor? Our partner, Focus on the Family, offers a free one-time consultation for Christian counseling services.
Need to talk about anger? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.

May God give you courage and love to face #anger and other #hurtful emotions. @DawsonRadio Click To Tweet

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on loneliness. Feeling alone can be overwhelming. It can lead to a lot of other issues; such as, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even thoughts of suicide. If you’ve been feeling lonely, know it’s not God’s plan for your life. He wants us to have friends and to love each other as He loves us. In this episode, I talk about loneliness with Amy, Tim, and Rebecca. We’ll talk about what keeps them from having meaningful relationships and how they can find and build friendships.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Your Scars Are Proof That God Heals

Do you often feel like a failure? This blog was originally published on Anthem of Hope, a non-profit dedicated to illuminating hope for those battling brokenness, depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicide and addiction.

Your scars are proof that God heals.

We live in a world that calls failure a weakness, and labels weakness a flaw. We are taught to mask the truth because, “it’s better if you keep your pain to yourself,” and that the best way to lead is from our strengths instead of our weakness. This is not the way to live, and I’d encourage you to do exactly the opposite.

If I can be honest, I think our world has built itself on a shallow and narrow foundation. The truth is that this foundation is ready to crack at any second. Our society doesn’t allow people the freedom to share their pains, their struggles or their hardships. These “dark times” have become surrounded by stigmas and kept quiet instead of being allowed to be spoken of freely. While I know this is just my opinion, I think I have a pretty valid point to stand upon.

1. “Crying is not allowed.”

2. “Keep your pain to yourself.”

3. “Don’t show your weaknesses.”

Our society doesn't allow people the freedom to share their pains, struggles or their hardships. Click To Tweet

There is hope.

These are things we’ve heard throughout life. And while many of us may try to shake off their weight, you’d be surprised to know how many people are haunted by these thoughts on a daily basis. I believe in a God of Grace, love, and second chances. And if it wasn’t for those divine qualities all working together, I can promise you that I wouldn’t be standing here today. I’ve been redeemed. No matter how dark and desolate your life is or was, there is hope and God can take your life to places you never thought imaginable. Every cut, bruise and broken bone can be mended and made new by the love of God.

Related Posts:

How Can I Find Hope?

We All Go Through Dark Times

To Those Who Feel Worthless

I am not proud of my past.

I’m not proud of my past, but I wear my scars on my sleeve because I am proud of who I’ve become in Christ. You should as well. These scars remind us that we can conquer all things and that healing is possible. There is nothing too broken for God. He can fix anything because he created everything, and that includes you.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”—2 Corinthians 5:17

My failures and mistakes are NOT my most treasured moments, but because of them I am now a living testimony of His redemption and grace. Guess what? So are you! Your story, your past, your suffering and pain, it can all be used as a testimony and story to help others.

Don’t hide your scars, wear them as proof that God heals. It's okay to not be okay. @JarridWilson Click To Tweet

Your story is His glory. Share it to the world. Don’t hide your scars, wear them as proof that God heals. It’s okay to not be okay.

—Anthem of Hope

Do you feel like the pain will never end?

Your future is amazing and we want to show you how you can find a lasting hope in knowing that you are loved and have a purpose! Download our free eBook, Understanding Hope, for help.

How Can I Find Hope?

by Dawson McAllister

LIFE.

It can be really, stinkin’ hard sometimes, right?

When your situation gets really tough…You just can’t find happiness anymore…Everything seems to be going against you…

What keeps you from just giving up?

HOPE.

Have you ever wondered, “How Can I Find Hope?”

Hope keeps you hanging on because it allows you to believe that:

Things will get better.
You have a purpose to fulfill.
There is a plan for your life.
You are cared for

But I would like to suggest that people are losing hope at alarming rates.

As the founder of TheHopeLine which has been around for 25 years, I’ve seen trends. While relationship issues with friends, dating, and parents used to be the number one thing people wanted to talk about…now it is self-worth issues, suicide, depression.

And statistically, we can look at national suicide rates and note that they are up significantly. The Centers for Disease Control recently released a report that shows that between 1999 and 2016 suicide rates went up by more than 30 percent in over half the states.

Why are we losing hope?

People are losing hope at alarming rates. But, why are we losing hope? @DawsonRadio Click To Tweet

5 Reasons for Losing Hope.

In my many conversations with teenagers and young adults, I hear variations of these five reasons over and over. I believe these statements capture some of the leading causes of hopelessness:

They have no experience receiving unconditional love which causes feelings of worthlessness.
Their identities are tied to changing circumstances and not a secure source, so they don’t know who they are.
Life is meaningless. They can’t find a purpose.
Intense feelings of being alone, rejected, abandoned…no one cares.
Inability to find anything to look forward to.

Do any of those describe you?

What Causes People to Feel so Lost?

Let’s consider the prevailing way people view the world in this moment. It’s often referred to as the postmodern worldview.

Perhaps this worldview can best be summarized with, “You do you.”

In some ways – I appreciate this saying – it allows people to be accepted for who they are without being judged harshly. “Be yourself.” There’s nothing wrong with that.

But on a deeper level, the message is, “You can believe whatever makes the most sense to you based on your life circumstances. There is no one truth. It’s all relative to your experiences.”

While this may sound good on the surface, the reality is it leaves a lot of people in a state of chaos.

Because what is true anymore and, well, what does work best for you?

When we are unstable without something solid to hold onto we start to lose our sense of self, our sense of purpose, our sense HOPE.

Related Posts:

6 Ways to Silence Shame

Ronnie’s Life Changing Decision

To Those Who Feel Worthless

Where do you start?

There are over 4,200 belief systems in the world today.

If any of them can be true…where do you start?

As you search for your own truth, you realize you are completely untethered. There is nothing to anchor yourself to. Especially if what you believe depends upon your circumstances because circumstances change. People in your life change. Everything is constantly moving. So if you are tying your identity and your belief system to your circumstances (even if that belief system is that you don’t believe in anything), what happens when your circumstances change?

You once again feel lost. Untethered.

So let me ask you a question that the postmodern worldview would appreciate…

How’s life working for YOU right now? How is what you believe or don’t believe working for you? Is it giving you hope? Do you feel secure? Is it helping you feel loved and cherished?

What Give Us Hope?

To match the 5 reasons people are losing hope that I mentioned above, I believe we have hope when:

We feel loved and valued.
We know who we are without a doubt.
Our purpose is clear.
We don’t feel abandoned.
Our future is bright.

How can we have this security?

Only one thing has consistently provided all of these things for me and that is my Christian faith. I am not talking about religion, but about my relationship with Jesus and my faith in Him.

Now you may decide to stop reading at this point. You may think that I am failing to give you practical advice. To which I say two things:

My practical advice for HOPE is to find unconditional love, a secure identity, a purpose, a community and a confident knowledge that your future is secure.
The only way I know how to find these things is through my faith. So I ask you, what kind of person would I be if I have found HOPE and I believe it is the ONE TRUTH that is UNCHANGING, and then I chose NOT to share it with you, would I be showing my genuine care and concern for you? If I kept this to myself when I believe it is the answer, would that be right?

So I hope you will keep reading because I really do genuinely care. If you are feeling hopeless, what do you have to lose?

I am going to briefly share how my faith has provided the above 5 things for me and how it gives me HOPE. For further detail, I hope you will download our free eBook, Understanding Hope.

You are Loved

My faith gives me the hope that I am loved by God. Always and forever. And so are you.

Even when you mess up. God loves you.

He created you and wants a relationship with you. The God of the universe thinks about you personally and wants the best for you. ALWAYS.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me! (Psalm 139:17-18)

And when bad things happen, that is not what He wants. He still loves you.

In this sinful world, people are going to fail you. Even those who are supposed to love you unconditionally, they are going to let you down sometimes. They aren’t perfect. And if every time a person fails you, you in turn start to wonder if you are worthy of love. You will lose hope.

That is why knowing you are loved by God is an anchor of hope! You are loved no matter what!

You have Worth

Do you find yourself tying your identity and your worth to:

What you achieve · What you look like · Who approves of you · Mistakes of your past

As a Christian, your worth and your identity are no longer defined by what the world says about you but rather by who God says you are. In the Bible He says you are:

Chosen ·Accepted ·Treasured ·Beautiful ·Protected ·Able ·Complete ·Known· Overcomer ·Masterpiece ·Rescued ·Held

Once you believe in the God of the Bible, these promises are yours to claim.

There is such hope in knowing that nothing can change who God says you are. Your identity is secure.

You have a Purpose

The whole idea that life is a vapid hole without meaning goes away when you are a Christian.

God designed you uniquely and created you in His image. He wouldn’t waste his time if you had no reason for existing.

God created you because he wants to have a relationship with you. He wants to love you, and in return, be loved by you. He is a personal God. We are here to praise Him for how great He is! To live lives that honor and glorify our Holy creator.

One way we honor and glorify God is to love others and that is our other purpose. In the Bible, God tells us that the most important things for us to do are to love God with all our hearts and love the people around us just as much as we love ourselves. Your purpose then is to:

Love God … Love yourself … Love others

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matt 22:36-39)

Your purpose is to: Love God … Love yourself … Love others. #LoveGod #LoveOthers @DawsonRadio Click To Tweet

You are Not Alone

God promises to NEVER abandon his children.

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” (Hebrews 13:5&6)

When you take the leap of faith to believe, there will be times when God feels super close and times he feels farther away, but faith allows you to trust that God’s promises are always true. Even when you feel alone, you recognize that is just a feeling. God is still there.

Years of believing in God have proven this truth to me. There have been many times in my life where my circumstances would have made me feel hopeless and alone, but God has always been my anchor to hold onto in the storms. The knowledge that He is unchanging, unmovable, trustworthy and good allow me to have HOPE.

Knowledge God is unchanging, unmovable, trustworthy and good allow me to have #HOPE. @DawsonRadio Click To Tweet

Your Future is Amazing

Do you ever feel like you have nothing to look forward to? That the same despair you may be feeling now will always be with you?

By putting your faith and trust in Jesus Christ, your life is made new. You get a fresh start. You are forgiven, no matter what you’ve done. God will pour out mercy, peace, grace, blessings, and love on you. Your future is secure.

And once you have given your life to Christ, you can rest assured that, no matter what you face in this lifetime, you can look forward to eternal life in heaven.

And heaven…well, it’s going to be great! More beauty than we can comprehend. But even better is the pure joy we will have. There will be no more tears, no more pain, and no more death.

Is This Hope for You?

It is certainly available to you if you choose it.

If you desire this kind of hope, please download our free eBook on Understanding a Hope to learn more.

You can also visit our Get Help page to talk to someone about this.

Here’s the thing…. Christians still have problems. We still make mistakes. Bad things still happen.

Once sin came into the world, God never promised us life would be easy. However, God promises to overcome all of it, to love us always, and to never leave us.

Read this and see if you relate:

I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember— the feeling of hitting the bottom.

That’s from the Bible – nothing much has changed in human feelings over thousands of years. Here is what the writer of that passage went on to say.

But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. (Lamentations 3:19-26 MSG)

God provided hope to people then and still does today!

For more help with understanding hope and your purpose, download our free eBook!

How Can I Learn to Love Myself?

by Dawson McAllister

I want you to hear this message today.

It’s time to love yourself!

I know for SO, SO many people this is hard.

I’m overwhelmed with the number of messages I receive every week that are full of self-loathing. Here are just a few of the many received JUST. THIS. WEEK.

These messages come from all over the world…there is no country immune to this issue.

I am 13, and I want to kill myself. Nobody cares about me and I hate myself

I feel so numb all the time.

Am I worth it? does anyone truly love me ?

Life is this huge vapid hole I don’t see why my life is important.

I hate being me. I’m embarrassed that I am me and wish I could be someone else

There is no easy, one-step answer here. Deep-rooted issues often lie beneath such low self-esteem.

But we need to start somewhere, so today I want to talk about place to begin the journey towards learning to love and care for yourself. I want to talk about self-care.

But before you can even begin any steps toward self-care, you need to make a choice right now.

Are you worth it?

I can list important steps towards self-care and loving yourself, but first you need to decide that you are worth the effort. If you don’t, you will never take these steps.

The fact that you are reading this, tells me that you WANT to believe you’re worth it. So let me give you permission to believe it. YOU. ARE. WORTH. LOVING.

I’ll tell you why you are worth loving in a bit, but first let’s talk about self-care.

You need to decide that you are worth the effort of loving yourself and #selfcare. @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

What is Self-Care?

Self-care is any activity that we intentionally do in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Good self-care is key to improved mood and reduced anxiety. It’s also key to a good relationship with oneself and others. (PsychCentral.com)

A common misconception about self-care is that it is selfish or indulgent. But self-care is not about pampering yourself, going to the spa or on a shopping spree. “While self-care can include pampering yourself, it’s so much bigger. It’s so much more meaningful and important. ‘Self-care is essential to our survival,’ said Jessica Michaelson, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist and certified coach for those who want to find more joy and meaning in their lives.” (PsychCentral.com)

Self-care involves realizing and prioritizing what YOU need to do to take care of YOU. It is not selfish because, when you feel good about yourself, you will be able to give back to others and live a life of purpose. And when you live a life of purpose, you will no longer feel like life is a meaningless void where you are just taking up space. It’s a perfect circle.

Self-Care is Not One-Size-Fits-All

Self-care will look different for everyone. Taking care of yourself starts with discovering what fills your tank. What helps you refuel? And then making sure you do that.

For some that may be quiet time, while for others it may be time spent with other people. For some it may be dancing it out to your favorite song, and other people may need to watch an hour of their favorite show. What activity makes you happy?

It’s also important to note that another part of self-care may include activities that aren’t always pleasurable. It may involve making that doctors appointment you’ve been avoiding or confronting pain from your past.

Taking care of yourself starts with discovering what fills your tank. What helps you refuel? Click To Tweet

While self-care looks different for everyone, there are some universal steps to help you get started:

9 Steps to Self-Care

Identify what activity makes you feel good and do it!

No excuses here. Everybody has something they enjoy doing that makes them feel good. Take a walk, bake a cake, draw/color, roller skate, talk with your grandma. I don’t care what it is. Every week you must do this thing that rejuvenates you.

Add it to your schedule.

You need to actively plan to set aside time to do this activity and stick to it. You are worth it.

Just Start.

Maybe the first week you don’t give yourself even an hour for your activity. But do something. If your activity is to walk and you only get a five-minute walk in, feel good about accomplishing that and try for more next week.

Take care of yourself physically.

Sleep – most adults need 7 to 8 hours a night.
Eat well – A healthy diet fuels natural energy and boosts our self-esteem and confidence.
Exercise – It is as good for our emotional health as our physical health because of the endorphins released. However, in keeping with the self-care principal choose an exercise you like.
Maintain good hygiene – You’ll just feel better about yourself.

Give up what drains you.

Are there relationships that zap your energy? Give yourself some distance. Are you constantly connected to your phone…checking e-mails, texts, snap chat, social media? Set your device aside for an hour. Are there certain events you hate attending? Stop going. Your time, energy, and emotional well-being are valuable and should be used with intention. When you establish boundaries, you reinforce healthy self-esteem.

Choose who you spend time with.

Look for people who are upbeat, positive, and enjoy life. Get rid of toxic relationships. It is also good to have people in your life who have perhaps faced similar struggles as you and can relate. Support groups can be very helpful.

Celebrate Recovery is a partner organization of ours that offers support to anyone struggling with hurt, pain or addiction of any kind. They are a safe place to find community and freedom from the issues that are controlling your life. You can find a group in your community here: Celebrate Recovery Group Finder

Stop Overthinking

If you start to over-think, haul out a journal and write your thoughts down. Acknowledge what is on your mind. Now that they are written down and your thoughts are captured, you don’t need to dwell on them anymore.

Realize Self-care is non-negotiable.

Have the attitude that self-care is a necessity and don’t give it up. It can be easy to put it off or make up reasons you just can’t, but YOU can!

Why is Self-Care So Hard for us to do?

According to Jessica Michaelson, Psy.D, many of us don’t know how to practice self-care because “we weren’t taught to pay attention to our inner states — or to trust them. ‘Instead, we are taught what we’re ‘supposed’ to think and feel, and try to ignore feelings that we think we ‘shouldn’t’ feel.’

Consider a newborn who cries when they’re hungry. That is an example of self-care, Michaelson said. ‘That is sensing your inner state, and taking action to get your needs met.’ Because when we ignore our needs, over time, we become sick, unhappy and overwhelmed, she said.

Maybe you’re anxious about a certain situation. But you’re ashamed about your nervous feelings, so you pretend they don’t exist. Maybe you’re really upset about something. But you think you should be happy, so you stuff down your sadness. Maybe you really need 9 hours of sleep. But you believe you should be able to function just fine on 6 hours—so that’s what you try to do. Maybe your entire body is saying no to a commitment. But you don’t want to seem rude or impolite, so you say yes.” (Psychcentral.com)

If you never make an effort to do something about the fact that you don’t like the way you are feeling, or take the time to examine why you are feeling that way and consider what you can do to feel better, your emotions will catch up to you and you will start to feel hopeless.

This reminds me of this famous quote:

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” – Henry Ford

But there is always HOPE.

I told you I would get back to answering the question of why you are worth loving. Here’s what I know.

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” - Henry Ford Click To Tweet

Why you are worth loving.

Unfortunately, in this selfish, sinful world people will never love us perfectly. Even those who truly love us will let us down at some point. Perhaps you have been let down by someone who was supposed to love you. We are all human and will make mistakes in our relationships. If we put our hope in people, we will be disappointed.

In the Bible it says: “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:21-23

Even when people turn their back on you, God still loves you NO MATTER WHAT. He cares so much for you, he even knows how many hairs you have on your head. He desires to have you know him and to have a relationship with you.

When you know how God feels about you and what God says about you, the world no longer has the power to define you.

Do you have any idea who you truly are? Are you searching for “the real you”? Get this:

You are created in the image of God. You are not random cells thrown together. God designed you to be like Him. He didn’t make a mistake when He created you. You are amazing just the way you are.

The Bible says, “Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:26-27)

Stop believing all the lies. Identify yourself as a child of God, created in HIS image. Click To TweetHow can someone created in the image of God be worthless?

Your identity is no longer tied to:

What you achieve · What you look like · Who approves of you · Mistakes of your past

Your worth is defined by who God says you are:

Chosen ·Accepted ·Treasured ·Beautiful ·Protected ·Able ·Complete ·Known·Overcomer ·Masterpiece ·Rescued ·Held

Want to read more about what God says about you?

In conclusion…

How do I learn to love myself?

Start with these three things:

Decide you are worth taking care of.
Practice Self-Care
Learn to see yourself as God sees you.

For more on learning to love yourself download our free eBook on Understanding Self-Worth.

Carmen’s Deep Self-Esteem Wounds: EP 6

What to Do When You Hate Yourself.

In This Episode:

At one time or another, we’ve all been disgusted with ourselves and wallowed in the world of self-loathing. You might not have said, “I hate myself,” but no doubt you have believed horrible lies about who you are. These lies are called false beliefs. They are misconceptions resulting from incorrect reasoning.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Have you ever said a false-belief to yourself, such as: “I hate myself,” “I’m a failure,” or “There’s nothing to love about me?” These negative self-beliefs are lies. Don’t buy the lie, buy the truth. You need to learn and accept the truth and you will be set free. The ultimate truth comes from God’s word and putting His truth against the false beliefs. Try this simple formula:

First – Identify the lie.
Second – Search God’s word for his truth.
Third – Replace the lie and begin to dwell and think on the truth.

Resources for what to do when you hate yourself:

Take a look at my blogs: Why Do You Hate Yourself, Five Things to Think and Do When You Hate Yourself, How to Respect Yourself More, Protect Your Heart From Negative Self-Talk, and 5 Amazing Reasons Why You Matter
For more help with relationships, download the free eBook: Understanding Self-Worth and Self-Hate
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor
Need prayer? We have people that will pray for you at ThePrayerZone

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

The next episode is on forgiveness.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Love Gives Life, Love is Oxygen

Love is the Fuel for Life

Love gives life to us as we breathe it in and then we can’t help but spread the love to those around us as we breathe it out. Jarrid Wilson, author of, Love is Oxygen, wants you to know that it doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done, God loves you very much! If you want to better understand God’s love and how to harness it in the way God intended, then this book is for you.

We are giving away 5 copies of Jarrid Wilson’s book: Love is Oxygen. To be entered to win, make a comment below and retweet one of Jarrid’s tweets by September 30th!

“Love is the fuel for life, it gives us life as we breathe it in.” @JarridWilson Click To Tweet

Oxygen Gives Life to Our Souls

In the same way oxygen gives air to the lungs, love is the oxygen that gives life to our souls. This book is about Jarrid’s discovery of who God is in his life and his encounter with God’s love. For many years, Jarrid knew of God’s love and knew God loved him but had never really grasped a hold of it. It wasn’t until Jarrid was at his lowest point and didn’t want to do life anymore that he had a revelation of God’s love. He had googled, “painless ways to commit suicide” and he told God he didn’t want to feel this way anymore. That’s when he heard God tell him, “I don’t want you to feel this either.” Jarrid soon realized that God had a better life for him and thus began his journey of understanding and accepting God’s love. Jarrid wrote this book because he wants you to understand and personally experience God’s love.

“Love is the oxygen that gives life to our souls.” @JarridWilson Click To Tweet

3 Biblical Truths

Jarrid says there are 3 truths from the Bible (which are not necessarily easy to believe) but they are God’s truth which can help you start to understand how much God loves you and transform your life:

God loves you.
Every life matters.
Everyone has a purpose.

We can take these truths and put our faith in them. God says, the truth shall set you free so by starting to profess and believe these truths you can start to find freedom and understand God’s love for you. Read and say these as much as you need to:

God loves me.
My life matters.
I have a purpose.

You are loved by God! Your life matters! You have a purpose! If you can believe these truths, it will change your life. If you think you don’t matter, you do. Have you contemplated that you have no purpose? It is not true, you absolutely do have a purpose. God loves you, not because of anything you have done or haven’t done but because He created you and loves you just because you are who you are. He made you in His image and he wants to have a relationship with you. He’s already poured out his love (as much as you need – like oxygen), now you just need to recognize it and accept it.

Depression, Meds, and Churches and Mental Health

Jarrid Wilson also addresses controversial mental health issues in his book. You can listen to our interview with Jarrid Wilson for answers to important questions about mental health. Do you want to know…?

If taking medication for depression or for any other mental health issue is a sin.
If God has fully freed Jarrid from depression. (Can He and does God do that?)
How churches can help people dealing with mental health issues.
Or if you want to be encouraged, that it’s okay to not be okay.

In this book, Jarrid Wilson, shares about when he felt suicidal and some other heartbreaks and failures in his life. He also shares about the freedom he’s found by understanding and accepting God’s love. He wants you to understand God’s love too! In our interview with Jarrid, he said, “If only one person’s life is changed through reading this book, then it was all worth it.”

It's okay to not have it all together. None of us do. @JarridWilson Click To Tweet

For more information on Jarrid Wilson’s book, Love is Oxygen, or to get a free chapter, visit: loveisoxygen.com.

Jarrid Wilson is a husband, father, pastor, author of several books, founder of Anthem of Hope, and follower of Jesus. TheHopeLine wants to give a shout out to Jarrid for giving us some of his time to talk about God’s love!

Win a free copy of, Love is Oxygen, by Jarrid Wilson. Make a comment below and retweet one of Jarrid’s tweets by September 30th to win!

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

6 Ways to Silence Shame

Shame Makes Us Feel Unworthy, but God Says We Are Worthy Because of His Grace

Written by: Kris Vallotton, this post was originally published on MoralRevolution.com, it has been reused with the permission of Moral Revolution.

Have you ever heard that little voice in your head say…?

“You don’t fit in”

“Nobody likes you”

“You’re stupid”

“You’re the only one who has made this mistake”

“How could God love you? I mean He really knows everything about you”

“You’re not lovable”

“You will never fulfill your destiny”

Have you ever felt like…?

“Everyone is against me”

“I’m not as good as others”

“I just can’t do anything right”

“Maybe if I just try harder, then…”

“I’m all alone”

“I hate myself”

“I’m worthless”

If you answered “yes” to any of these statements, shame could be speaking to you.

SHAME HAS BEEN SPEAKING SINCE THE GARDEN OF EDEN

When Adam and Eve first sinned in the Garden of Eden, guilt was an appropriate symptom of their disobedience. Guilt is built into our conscience to let us know when we have done something that threatens our connection with God.

Guilt is actually a good thing. It’s like a warning light on a car’s dashboard that lets you know when something needs attention before the engine blows up.

Guilt is from God

Shame is from Satan

Guilt says, “You did something wrong,” like when the apostle Paul said, “All have sinned” (Rom. 3:23). Guilt says, “I did something bad.” Guilt is about what we’ve done.

Shame goes further: It speaks to who we are.

Shame is the sense of feeling unworthy. It’s a core (even subconscious) belief of unworthiness.

Shame says, “You are wrong.” “You are a sinner.” “You are bad.” “You are not good enough.”

Shame asks, “Who do you think you are?

SHAME ATTEMPTS TO SPEAK TO OUR IDENTITY

If the devil can convince us that we do not have a supernatural identity as children of God, then he can derail us from our supernatural destiny.

When Jesus was baptized, he heard the Father say, “This is my son…” Identity. Interestingly, Jesus did not preach one message, heal one sick person, or prophesy until he first heard of his true identity. We can only fulfill our supernatural destiny to the degree that we believe our supernatural identity.

SHAME TRIES TO TALK US OUT OF OUR IDENTITY

After his baptism, Jesus was led out into the desert to be tempted by the devil. Two times, the devil assaulted Jesus’ identity when he challenged him, saying, “If you are the Son of God, turn these stones into bread.” And then, “If you are the Son of God, jump off of the temple’s roof.”

The devil was attempting to tempt Jesus into performing to prove his identity because he knew that if Jesus took the challenge, it would demonstrate that he did not really know who he was. Moreover, he would have to spend the rest of his life proving his identity over and over. Knowing our true identity prevents performance for approval.

‘IDENTITY’: A CHAT WITH CHRISTIAN RECORDING ARTIST COLTON DIXON

SHAME IS THE SOURCE OF PERFECTIONISM

Shame always seeks to seduce its prey into perfectionism. When we listen to shame, we will never feel secure in our identity. We will always need to do more to prove that “we are O.K.”, while never actually appeasing shame’s appetite for approval.

The pursuit of feeling worthy by being better, more successful, thinner, smarter, wealthier, accomplished, or even in “good” busyness, is a futile attempt at cultivating a godly sense of worthiness.

The apostle Paul states in Ephesians 2:10 that, “We are saved by grace, not of ourselves; it is a gift of God, so that no one can boast.” That means you cannot earn worthiness. We are worthy of God’s love because of His grace – nothing more.

Additionally, we were God’s treasures before we ever became Christians – “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).” When God created Adam and Eve, He said that they were “good;” they had intrinsic worth – worthiness – His treasures.

SHAME SILENCERS:

Learn how to recognize God’s voice from the devil’s voice.

Ask yourself, “Is what I’m hearing the truth or a lie?” Try writing down all of the times shame speaks to you during the day. You may be surprised at how often shame is speaking.

Learn how to be vulnerable.

Shame loves secrecy. The truth will set us free. Being open and honest requires great risk, but also reaps great reward. Begin with yourself, God, and then reach out to someone who can give you good feedback. Telling someone that we have been listening to shame releases us from the power of secrecy, and silences shame.

CHANGE THE PATTERN OF NEGATIVE SELF-TALK

Learn to recognize your feelings.

Empathy is the antidote to shame. When we are able to discern and identify our feelings and the feelings of others, it creates a pathway to finding out what we need from God, others, and ourselves. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” “What do I need?”

Learn to take every thought captive.

You are going to be tempted to believe and act in negative, hurtful, and dysfunctional ways to the shame messages spoken to you. Shame is silenced when we take ownership of our mistakes, accept our limitations, deficiencies, and limitations, as well as interpret other people’s motives correctly. Take responsibility in submitting shaming thoughts and feelings to become obedient to Christ’s perspective (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Learn how to listen through the ears of faith.

Ask yourself, “What does God want to say to me about my identity right now?” “What does He think about me?” Additionally, begin reading Scripture from the perspective that God is for you, that you are a good man or woman, that you are a saint saved by grace, an overcomer, the apple of His eye.

AGE DOESN’T MATTER…YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Learn to be grateful.

The fact is that you are wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14). Being grateful for how God has made you in all of your limitations and imperfections will help you to replace shame with acceptance and love. Every time you hear shame messages left on your mental voice mail, erase them with gratitude. Thankfulness prepares the way for breakthrough.

Be grateful for how God has made you in all of your limitations and imperfections. @kvministries Click To Tweet

Moral Revolution promotes a culture of love, honor, and respect by imparting vision, restoring wholeness, and empowering choice!

Want more? Read more of Moral Revolution’s blogs…HOT TOPICS!

All Photos by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

TheHopeLine’s eBook on self-worth gives practical advice on how to increase your self-esteem.

‘Identity’: A Chat with Christian Recording Artist Colton Dixon

In a society so ready to define us by our Instagram feeds, it feels counter-cultural to turn to a higher power. In his third studio album “Identity,” Colton reminds us that God never intended anyone or anything other than Himself to label us.

Since placing in the top 7 during “American Idol’s” 11th season and performing for more than a million fans across the country on tours with Britt Nicole, Third Day and TobyMac, it would be easy for Colton Dixon to allow his success to become his identity. Instead, Colton chooses his identity solely in Christ.

The Christian recording artists says, “The only thing that’s going to really satisfy you is the Lord, and He’s the only thing that will continue to blow your mind as you live your life. He will always exceed your expectations, always.”

The only thing to really satisfy you is the Lord! @coltondixon Click To Tweet

Find out what made Colton want to pursue a career as an artist:

Letting God lead the way – “God put the call in my life and He started opening the doors, and here I am.” – Colton Dixon, on leaving baseball to pursue music.

Figuring out what matters, and what doesn’t – “It started as a personal thing, trying to figure out where I placed my identity, and figuring out the things that mattered, and the things that didn’t.” – Colton Dixon, on the inspiration that led to Identity.

Find out how Colton met his wife, Annie and what has made their marriage successful:

It would also be natural for Dixon to stake his identity in his marriage, but he doesn’t look to his relationship with his bride, Annie, to define him, though her mark on his life is woven into the fabric of his album Identity. Meeting through mutual friends, Colton and Annie are now celebrating their one year wedding anniversary. As to what contributes to a successful marriage?

A servant’s posture – “The servant posture [is what helps make a marriage successful.] Every day I have a chance to serve my wife, [like] doing something she wants to do verses something I want to do. I’m not perfect at it, but I’m learning.” – Colton Dixon, on getting married.

Learn to reflect on your own life – “I definitely deal with some topics that might be hard to hear. I want fans to feel motivated and encouraged, but I want these songs to challenge them and make them think about their own lives.”

The Other Side – “Death is inevitable, and know that they’re on the other side and they’re living it up right now.”

Dedicated to Annie’s brother Dillon who passed away shortly before Annie and Colton met, the song The Other Side talks about the sensitive topic of death and what it means to lose a loved one.

How to know what your true identity is:

In a culture of teens and young adults tying their self-worth to their online audience and how they’re perceived via social media, how do we put an end to the superficial characterizations? By putting God back into our Identity.

God Defines You – “God defines us in His word and we’re precious and we’re beautiful to him. He made no two people exactly alike… God cared about you so much to make you unique, that in and of itself is enough for me.”

God cared about you so much to make you unique. @coltondixon Click To Tweet

“Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.” — Colossians 3:11

“No matter who you are or what you’re going through, YOU MATTER.” -Colton Dixon

Identity, the third studio album from Colton Dixon, is intentionally divided into three sections – Mind, Body and Spirit – each separated by an instrumental, cinematic interlude. The MIND delves into the way our thoughts direct out actions and control the way we see ourselves. The BODY explores our humanity and how we are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God. The SPIRIT provides moments of contemplation and peaceful reflection. With every note and lyric, Colton’s heartbeat is to express the truth he’s uncovered in his own life over and over again. This world can’t define us, because God’s love is our identity.

TheHopeLine’s eBook on self-worth gives practical advice on how to increase your self-esteem.

Why Do You Hate Yourself?

by Dawson McAllister

Do You Wonder Why You Hate Yourself Even When Others Like You?

It’s so tragic to hear someone say I hate myself. But down deep, many people do. Do you hate yourself? It seems there are so many things in this world that attack our self-esteem and sense of worth. Some people, perhaps even you, are locked in their own personal jail, full of self-loathing, desperately wanting to get out, but not believing they can.

Can You Relate To Caroline?

Others may think you are just crying out for attention. But the feelings are very real. You are miserable because of how you feel about yourself, even if it sounds exaggerated or overly dramatic. I believe you.

Caroline described her self-hatred like this: For a while I hated myself because I thought I wasn’t good enough to be in this world. I thought I was ugly, stupid, and weird. I wished I could have been someone else.

So why do people hate themselves?

We took a poll on my website, and asked what reasons you might have to hate yourself. The majority of people said it was something about their appearance, followed closely by I didn’t feel loved, and then I failed at a relationship. Each of these could be their own articles.

For now, let’s examine what I see to be some of the greatest causes of self-hate.

Blame Ourselves When Bad Things Happen

When bad things happen, we often blame ourselves. It’s easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred and suck the very life out of us. This can leave us depleted of any kind of self-worth or love. When bad things happen, the worst thing you can do is spiral down into self-pity.

When bad things happen, we blame ourselves. It's easy to let this blame turn into self-hatred. Click To Tweet

Sometimes self-hate is emotional exhaustion from the blame game. It’s important to remember that painful, challenging, and hard times are going to happen. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and get some rest. You will look much better to yourself when you get some rest and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes.

Rejection or Abandonment

Everyone will experience rejection of some sort. It’s normal. But it’s difficult. Not everybody is going to love you, or accept you.

But it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, and that you should hate yourself because of it.

Not everybody is going to love you, or accept you. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. Click To Tweet

Tom wrote: I used to live consumed with thoughts about what everybody else was thinking about me. I felt like people were constantly rejecting me. All the worst things came to mind, even though there was no way of actually knowing what people were thinking. I had to quit, or else I’d go crazy.

Sometimes when people experience rejection or abandonment, they turn the responsibility onto themselves, as if they are the ones who caused the pain. Don’t let what other people think about you determine what you think of yourself. The freedom you experience when you let go of this burden, like Tom did, will give you great joy. He’s right, it’s not worth going crazy over something you really can’t control.

Negative Self-Talk

Thinking poorly about yourself is is kind of like self-rejection. You see something about yourself that you think is stupid or ugly and you think criticizing yourself about it will somehow make it go away. It won’t. It will actually make it worse. A lot of people feel ugly. Lazy. Inadequate. It’s like the whole human race suffers from deep, low self-esteem.

Mona wrote: I hate who I’ve become. I know there is a hardworking, honest, skinny person inside me somewhere, but most of the time I think about how far to the negative I’ve come, then get even angrier at myself for not working harder to become the person I know I can be.

So what can you do to feel better about yourself?

The Fight Against Self-Hate

The fight against self-hate is an on-going battle in all of us. Some struggle with it more than others. But it seems to always be there working in the shadows, waiting to pounce on us, and take us down. One thought that has helped me in this struggle is God’s love for me.

I ask myself, “Why should I hate someone God loves so much? Why should I slap Him across the face? He’s the one who made me, and He did it for a very special reason.” There is no one else in the whole world who is just like you or me. Isn’t that incredible? That person, YOU, is worth loving.

There's no one else in the whole world who's just like you or me. That person, YOU, is worth loving. Click To Tweet

Looking for some practical thought and advice? Check out our next post about no longer hating yourself!

5 Amazing Reasons Why You Matter

Why You Matter

Sometimes you feel like you are not good enough, perhaps because of certain challenges that may make you give into self-doubt. The good news is you are not alone; we all have moments like that in our lives. If you’ve lost your self-worth and confidence, you are at the right place; this article will help you improve your overall well-being by reminding you why you matter.

You are the only person who can be you

You matter because you are the only person who can be you. This planet has over 7 billion people and yet you are the only person who is exactly like you. Take for instance, your fingerprints; they are unique and yet you are the only one with them. Ideally, everyone face different challenges and gain different experiences. The fact that each one of us has a different life journey means we all have different stories to tell. Believe it or not, this simple fact is incredibly crucial. Hence, for even a second, don’t allow yourself to think anything different.

You have the ability to make a stranger’s day

I know you’re wondering how this is possible. Well, you don’t need to be a superhuman to put a smile on someone’s face; all you need is little acts of random kindness. Take a look at yourself and note that you are every bit capable of making a stranger’s day brighter. Whether it’s sheltering someone else with your umbrella on a rainy day, sharing a smile, helping an old lady across the street, getting a bottle of water for a foreign worker or offering up your seat to someone else, you possess the power to make a stranger’s day even if you are unable to make your own.

You can be a passionate and genuine leader

Leadership is all about influencing and inspiring others. Of course, you have to do this in a positive way, so the people you lead can achieve their own greatness. As mentioned earlier, all of us are unique, meaning we have different abilities and talents. And being a leader can be one of those abilities. If you find yourself in any leadership position, lend a helping hand, provide encouragement, and make a difference in the lives of others.

Your talent has the power to greatly inspire others

While you are busy trying to be more of someone else and less of you, remember, someone somewhere is doing the exact same thing: Wanting to be you. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, note that your talent can greatly inspire someone. The talent does not need to be an outright one like painting, playing soccer, or drawing, but know that you can inspire someone (including a total stranger) with whatever you have in hand.

You are a human being, never forget this

You are an active, living, breathing human being. That should be enough. You take up space on this earth; not useless space, but space that matters; space that can make a difference. You light up the world with your body and soul, and above all, you are ALIVE. You are alive and this only means one thing; you are yet to accomplish everything you need to.

Don’t at any second belittle yourself. You matter, not just to yourself but to others as well. You are alive for a reason and you have the power to control that. Be positive, be happy, and most importantly, be yourself, because you are important in every aspect of your own.

Guest Post written by: Ivy Norton

Author Bio: Ivy Norton is a mother of 3 and founder of mommasbaby.com. She’s a passionate mommy blogger and focuses on providing parenting news, tips and advice. She writes, “Having struggled through some times of depression, and the feeling of worthlessness, I hope to shed light on what makes you important and why everyday is a gift that should be cherished.”

If you struggle with your self-worth, and want to know what to do when you hate yourself, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook:

How To Respect Yourself More

by Dawson McAllister

Do You Find It Hard To Respect Yourself? Why?

We all crave respect, no matter who we are. Yet it is very difficult to respect others when you don’t even respect yourself.

It’s been said, “You can’t like another person, until you like yourself.”

So let’s look at this…How can you show yourself the same kind of respect you want to show others and want them to show you?

When you don’t like or love yourself, much less respect yourself, you will always find a way to live your life blaming other people for all the pain you’re feeling, resulting in your life being consumed by anger, frustration and depression.

Katie commented with a very clear definition of self-respect, calling it “a pride in self.” “To have self-respect is to take yourself for who you are to wake up and forgive yourself for mistakes you have made. If you focus on the bad actions that you’ve done, you cave yourself into darkness and can’t see the good in life, which is what a lot of teenagers do. When you are down, try to remember the good that you’ve done and not the bad, because focusing on negative thoughts leads you to nothingness in the end. It’s hard to overcome some self-respect issues, but when you’re able to look in the mirror and smile and tell yourself you’re a beautiful person, it is an amazing feeling.” Katie is right, a healthy self-respect is based in viewing yourself in a positive light.

Self-Respect includes forgiving yourself for past mistakes. Click To Tweet

Below are 8 ways to help you build a healthy respect for yourself:

Don’t let other people’s thoughts about you shape who you are. There are many people who allow themselves to be forever shaped by what others have said or done to them. How sad. These people easily become approval addicts. They look to others for their self-esteem. It’s like they are saying, “Please love me, so I can love myself. Please accept me, so I can accept myself.” These people will always feel a shortage of self-respect, because they never allow themselves to break free from the grip of others.
Don’t speak badly about yourself. Don’t let your mistakes or weaknesses define who you are. Don’t say, “I’m a loser, no one loves me, I hate myself.” You will soon believe what you say. On the other hand, if you say to yourself, “I am a person worth loving and respecting,” you will start to believe it about yourself. Remind yourself of your strengths and the qualities you have to offer others. Ericka has some insight into how she has learned to respect herself. “I made friends with people like me, got rid of friends that put me down, and before I knew it, I was happier than ever before. No one can truly understand the way you think, the way you do things and act. Being different is a blessing, not a curse. So, respecting yourself is to love who you are and love your personality.”
Don’t let anybody force you to be or do anything you don’t want to do or be, simply to gain their approval or friendship. There is an old saying that says, “To yourself, always be true.” This isn’t a me-first kind of thinking that reeks of arrogance. It means not letting other people tell you what to do or think. Cynthia agrees with Ericka that to respect yourself, you have to know who you are. “You need to know your strengths, weaknesses, and your emotions really well. You need to get more familiar with yourself and not become something that others want you to be, because that does not in any way show that you respect yourself cause you’d be willing to change just to please [others].” I agree with this, unless we’re talking about God or your parents encouraging you to be the person they see you have the potential of becoming.
Don’t violate your own moral codes. There will always be people who treat themselves with poor self-respect, because they have done disrespectful things or violated their own moral code and hate themselves for it. There is a saying among some psychologists which states, “If you think better, you will act better. And if you act better, you will feel better.” I couldn’t agree more. The opposite is also true. If you think poorly, you will act poorly. And if you act poorly, you will feel poorly. Your self-respect will be extremely low and unhappiness will be your constant companion.
Control your emotions. A part of respecting yourself is learning how to handle your emotions without causing more problems for your self. When we let our rage and hurt out in a damaging way, it only causes us to embarrass ourselves, destroy relationships, and leads to low self-respect.
Increase your knowledge. Develop interests and passions. Find a hobby. Learn as much as you can. Learning about things going on in the world around you will expand your brainpower and understanding, and will let you speak intelligently to a wide variety of people you meet. As you explore all the different opportunities this world has to offer, you will learn more about what you personally have to offer back to the people around you. There are so many people who live in such a small world, they feel others would never value their opinions and what they know. They see themselves as stupid or dumb. The way you see yourself is the way you’ll act. It happens every time.
Seek a relationship with God. To know that God loves and respects you is the very foundation of self-respect. After all, God knows all about us and still loves us. Shelby has learned that to respect herself she has to try and see herself as God sees her.

He created all of us special. Have you ever made something, like drawn a picture, and it was just amazing? And you were so proud of it, even though you didn’t think you had it in you to make that? Now take that and imagine how God must feel about creating us! Since I’ve looked at myself that way I’ve seen a whole different me in the mirror everyday. Even without my makeup! -Katie
Be responsible. Do the things you need to do. Janice commented with a list of practical ways to show self-respect: Take care of yourself. Brush your teeth, comb your hair, dress nicely (not to bring attention, either over-fashionably or sloppily), don’t overeat (or undereat!), eat what is good for you, and drink water. More importantly, to take care of yourself, read your Bible and pray. Just doing what you know is the right thing to do will cause your self-respect to skyrocket–whether it’s doing your homework, chores around the house, or showing up to work on time.

Here are a few more quick ideas about self-respect:

Respect others. (see my other blogs on respect here)
Be quick to forgive others. (see my blogs on forgiveness here)
Be friendly to everyone you meet. Friendly people are never miserable people.
Hang around encouraging people who are doing positive things.
Don’t lie. When you continually tell the truth, you give yourself the priceless gift of a clear conscience.
Make good decisions.

Lisa wrapped up what I’ve been trying to say in one just powerful comment. “I never thought that I needed to learn to respect myself but I realize that almost everyone is lacking in this area, no matter if you have thousands of friends or just one. In the end, everyone is looking to be accepted.”

Protect Your Heart From Negative Self-Talk

by Dawson McAllister

The last two weeks I have talked about guarding your heart in dating relationships. Today I want to talk about how to protect your heart from your own negative self-talk. From the lies that you tell yourself, which the world has convinced you are true. How can you guard your heart from bitterness?

Let me repeat the main principle to guarding your heart:

Fill your heart with TRUTH and cling to that TRUTH when the world tries to tell you LIES.

LIE There is nothing good in my life. I hate my life. I have every right to be bitter. Everyone is against me.

TRUTH Life can be hard, but there is always something to be thankful for, and it is our choice whether we decide to look for the good around us or remain bitter. It is possible to train our minds to move from thoughts of despair to thoughts of gratitude. Start small…I am thankful for the warmth of the sun on my face, the feel of grass under my toes, the smell of coffee brewing, my comfy sweats, the ability to breath deep, the joy of a good book or movie, etc.

I am thankful for the warmth of the sun on my face

Heart Protection By believing this truth…that there is always something you can be thankful for…your heart will be protected from the trap of overwhelming bitterness that leads to despair and hopelessness. In fact, I read of a study where participants interrupted their moments of anxiety about life by giving thanks. It was discovered that after two weeks of giving thanks there was a 53% decrease in their stress!

If research shows that practicing gratitude INCREASES happiness, optimism, and satisfaction with your life, isn’t it worth a try?

In one study, they asked some of the participants to maintain a journal recording things for which they were grateful and a separate group of participants to record things they found annoying. When the results came back they found that participants in the group monitoring things for which they were grateful had higher levels of well-being than the others.

It makes sense. Whatever you wire your brain to focus on, is what you are going to feel. Grateful people don’t focus so much on pain and problems.

I speak from experience on this idea of choosing gratitude over bitterness. After my son Fulton’s accident that left him paralyzed on his right side, unable to talk, and living in a nursing home, I could have chosen a life of bitterness and hung out there forever. And I’ll admit, there were days early on that I did. But then I started looking for the good…his nurses were amazing and loved him, we were able to communicate with thumbs up and down and have meaningful conversations, Fulton’s story started changing other people’s lives and the list goes on.

I believe that God tells us often in the Bible to give thanksbecause He knows that a thankful heart is a happy heart. The Bible says, Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances.

If you are struggling with self-talk that leads you to hating yourself, please read my blogs on “5 Things to Think and Do When You Hate Yourself” and “What To Do When You Hate Yourself.”

Next week I will wrap up the Guard Your Heart series exposing the lies we believe about our self-image.

5 Things to Think and Do When you Hate Yourself

by Dawson McAllister

Do You Truly Hate Yourself?

Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, “I hate myself, I’m no good, I’m so stupid, or I’m worthless.”

The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it’s easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.

So what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?

1) Decide what you want to change about yourself

Nobody can make you love you other than you! It’s your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you’ve been thinking, and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It’s often been said, “If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better.”

Cody wrote: I‘ve found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.

It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you’re feeling better about yourself.

**If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.**

It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. #hateyourself Click To Tweet

2) Figure out what you CAN change and do it!

IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don’t like your weight you can start eating properly, and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You’ll be amazed how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.

Don’t obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change, and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don’t get stuck in that trap!

3) Build up your self-esteem

Make a list of your 10 best qualities:

Can’t think of 10? There are more than you think, but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.

Then add to the list.

Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.

Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.

Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can’t please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.

Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.

Decide that you will never say the words, “I Hate Myself” ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.

Why Do You Hate Yourself?

4) Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred

You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life…things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don’t.

Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.

So if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.

Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day…maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn’t have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.

Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel #grateful for that day. Click To Tweet

5) Remember God loves you

The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God’s love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you’ll feel much better about your life.

God made you very unique. And it’s this uniqueness that makes you special.

Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Angie wrote: It’s very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.

As you start believing in yourself more, you’ll have more good days than bad. It’s easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Don’t stay in that place of self-hate, it’s going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it’s possible. Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: What to Do When Your Hate Yourself.

And check out this guest blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.