TheHopeLine

Adoption

My Adoption Plan

Woman facing depression after adoption

An Adoption Plan

Hi, I’m Melanie. I had a surprise baby two months ago. He was not planned, and the day I had him I made the decision to put him up for adoption. It is a very open adoption so I am still able to be a part of his life. But I am struggling with depression after adoption because it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

No Regrets – I Wasn’t Ready

I knew I was not even close to being ready to raise a child and be able to fully support him. I was having troubles with work, and anxiety, and stress. Yet I have never made a harder decision. I do not regret it, as my son’s adoptive parents are amazing.

What To Do If You’re Pregnant

Depression After Adoption

Even though I don’t regret it, it is still hard to not be around him. He presently lives 2000 miles away, so I am only able to see him in pictures and on video chat. It is definitely not the same thing as actually getting to see him and hold him. It has caused me to go through depression.  I’m not new to depression. I especially suffered from depression during my freshman year as I was bullied very badly at school and somewhat at home.

Grateful for my HopeCoach

But then I found this site! I was really struggling and needed good advice. The coach that I spoke to was amazing and probably the sweetest and most helpful person I have talked to in the last couple of months.

Full of Thanks! – Melanie

Are you facing a life-changing decision like Melanie? An email mentor is ready to listen and help you through life’s struggles. Sign up for an email mentor today!

 

Photo Credit: Chris Benson

What If I’m Pregnant and Not Ready?: EP 16

It Can Be Stressful to Have an Unplanned Pregnancy

In This Episode:

If your pregnant and it’s unexpected, it can be quite a shock! You might be wondering who to turn to and what to do. In this episode, I speak with Kayla, Lee, and Tarah. They are all in very different situations but each of them is pregnant and having their own set of struggles.

Kayla is not exactly sure who the birth father is, Lee’s boyfriend is an alcoholic and smokes weed, and Tarah hasn’t settled on keeping the baby but she says abortion and adoption are not options for her.

Give yourself time

I know it can be scary to have an unplanned pregnancy. You don’t know what your family and friends are going to say. Sometimes the baby’s daddy reacts badly or is not even in the picture anymore. But if you’re pregnant, the baby is coming and you have a limited amount of time to make decisions. You need to give yourself time to absorb the shock of being pregnant, then rally the right people around you, and start to make the life-changing decisions of what to do.

I’m Pregnant and Don’t Know Who the Father Is

When you get pregnant, you’re not the only player in the game. Kayla needs to find out who the birth father is. There should be no guessing. She became pregnant by one of two guys. She doesn’t want to have to tell her child years from now, “I don’t know who your birth father is.”

The baby is by far the most vulnerable in this drama and needs to be Kayla’s number one priority. She can do the best thing for her baby and herself by finding out the truth. Jesus said, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)

A DNA test may help

So, Kayla should go to the doctor and figure out the timeline to determine who the birth father is. If it is still not clear, then she should have DNA testing done, once the baby is born. But she needs to remember, the child’s well-being should be considered first.

My Baby’s Daddy is an Alcoholic and Smokes Weed

One of the biggest issues facing a pregnant mother is the character of the baby’s daddy. She needs to figure out what kind of a person he is and answer the question, “Is he stable enough to be in my child’s life?”

Lee told me she’s pregnant and then after dating her boyfriend for 2 years, found out he’s an alcoholic and smokes weed. As she was telling me this, I thought to myself, if she just found out about his addictions 2 weeks ago, think of all the things she hasn’t found out about him yet.

For example, he could be cheating on her. If he is willing to yield to the temptation of drugs and alcohol, cheating on her would be an easy choice to make.

She will most likely find out he’s also a thief. He’s got to get the money somewhere to feed his habit, not to mention, his baby. So, rest assure, if he hasn’t started stealing, he will soon.

The needs of the child

He’s also self-centered. Anyone addicted to drugs and alcohol cares only about themselves and how they are going to feed their habit. If he’s so consumed with his drugs and alcohol, he won’t be able to focus on the needs of his child or you. Having a baby is all give, they don’t care if you’re tired or upset or whatever. If they have a need, you’re going to hear about it.

Also, if you think your boyfriend is in bad shape now, you haven’t seen anything yet. Nothing good happens with addictions. You don’t want an unstable, addict father around, he’ll end up doing more damage than good.

I have real hope for Lee, she’s already thinking about what’s best for her baby. But she really needs our prayers. She faces an uphill battle and only God can give her the strength to love and protect her baby.

I’m Stressed, Pregnant and Against Abortion

Tarah needs to help lessen her stress. She’s making it harder by not talking to her mother or family who hopefully will support her. If her mother doesn’t want to help and kicks her out, there are others who will find a home for Tarah and her baby. Make sure you have people supporting you and your decisions but, ultimately only you, can make the decision.

Tarah is up against it. She’s pregnant and feels all alone and knows she has a choice to make.

There are only 3 options

Anytime, one gets pregnant, there’s only 3 options: abortion, adoption, and keeping the baby. By saying yes to one, you’re saying no to the other two. It’s easy to figure out, it’s not always so easy to make the choice. And this is the kind of decision you can’t take forever to make; the baby is coming whether you like it or not.

Tarah made it clear, she didn’t want an abortion. She also said she didn’t want to choose adoption, this leaves her with one choice, to raise the baby. If you choose to keep your baby, you don’t have to figure out everything right away. As Jesus taught, take it one day at a time. He said: “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6:34)

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

If you are pregnant, and don’t know what to do. You need to first gather all the facts, which includes going to the doctor to have the test to make sure you are pregnant. Secondly, you need to get people around you who care about you. You need a support group of people who will encourage you, love on you and give you wise counsel. Then with the help of those who love you, you can go on to make the best decisions for you and your baby.

Resources for an Unexpected Pregnancy:

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

You’ve been in a relationship with someone and now that relationship is over. You have ties to that person which are hard to break. Sometimes, it’s tremendously harder to move on from them than you thought it would be. If you’re having a hard time moving on from your ex, join me for my next episode. I speak with Anthony, Jessica, and Keith, each of them trying to get over their ex! You might just find some advice that works for you as well.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Amy’s Mother Abandoned Her: EP 8

How to Heal from Mother Abandonment.

In This Episode:

For 14 years, Amy was practically raising herself, while her mom was in the bars drinking. Amy’s mom wasn’t there for her when she needed her the most. The hurt Amy has from her mom abandoning her has continued into her adult life. Mother abandonment is one of the worst things a person can experience and it can have devastating consequences. In this episode, I talk about those consequences and share some of the ways to begin to deal with the pain and get healing.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Your mother may have abandoned you but it doesn’t have to define you for the rest of your life. I want to help you discover healing from mother abandonment. Let’s face the truth together, accept that your mom may never change, and then work on forgiving her. I also want to you to understand that God loves you and no matter how deeply you’ve been hurt by your mother, I’m confident with God’s help you can find emotional and spiritual healing. Mother abandonment might be the beginning of your story but it’s not going to be the end.

Resources for help with abandonment:

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

My next episode is on making peace with God.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Christina’s Father Hunger: EP 2

How to Find Healing From the Damage of Fatherlessness.

In This Episode:

Father hunger is a lack of sufficient fathering which is extremely impactful to a person’s life for good or bad. I will explain to you how you can heal from the damage of an absent father. Then, I’ll give you practical ways to deal with father hunger, including powerful, “I release my father from…” statements of forgiveness. This episode also includes Christina’s story and how the lack of a father in her life affected her. You will hear my advice for Christina, which can be applied to your life as well.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Perhaps you can relate to father hunger in your own life. Have you let a negative relationship with your father define you? Have you held onto anger and resentment from times he’s hurt you? Or maybe you’ve done things you’re not proud of to try to fill the void, left by not having a father. It’s taken a lifetime for you to get to this point and healing will not happen overnight.

Resources for Father Hunger:

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

 

The next episode is about dealing with a broken heart.

See you next week and whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Pregnant? Consider Adoption.

Pregnant scared consider adoption

Is Adoption the Right Choice for You?

Adoption may be an option that you are seriously considering. Or you may just be wondering what adoption is like. Or, you may feel that you could never choose adoption.  Whatever your thoughts, it is always good to have information about all of your choices (including Adoption, Abortion, and Parenting) before you make a final decision.  Adoption might be a good choice for you and your baby. When you consider making an adoption plan for your child, that doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby. It also doesn’t mean that you are taking the easy way out.

What it does mean is that you are thinking about how to best meet needs: yours and your baby’s, today and well into the future.  Adoption today may not be what you think. Openness has changed adoption.

Adoption today may not be what you think. Openness has changed adoption. Click To Tweet

Look at Your Options Available for Adoption

While it’s true that with adoption, your parental rights and responsibilities are given to another set of parents, that doesn’t end your ability to have a relationship with your child. Open adoption involves an ongoing, dynamic relationship between you, the adoptive parents, and your child.

There are different types of openness to meet different needs and levels of comfort. You owe it to yourself and your baby to at least get some information about the options available in adoption, so that whatever you choose, your decision is one that you have thought through and is based on facts.  There is no easy solution to an unplanned pregnancy. Each choice is hard and has its own difficulties. You can empower yourself by getting as much information as you can get about your options. Giving yourself time to consider carefully and weigh each option will help you make the right decision for you and your baby.

What If I’m Pregnant and Not Ready?: EP 16

10 Questions Expectant Mothers Ask About Adoption

Is adoption the right choice for you and for your child? How can you make a plan that will meet your needs and your child’s needs?

We’ve put together some questions that can help you as you plan for your and your child’s future. This isn’t an exhaustive list, but it can get you started in the right direction.

How can adoption be a good choice for my baby and me?
If you’re not ready to be a parent, you can still give your baby the gift of life by choosing adoption.

Can I choose the family for my baby?
Yes! Most agencies have many adoptive couples who have been studied and approved. You might also want to choose a friend or someone who has been recommended to you.

How much contact can I have with my baby after the birth and after adoption?
You can spend as much time with your baby at the hospital as you choose. When you are planning your child’s adoption, you can choose an open adoption plan that allows ongoing visits, or you can choose a less open adoption that keeps you informed through letters and photos. If you prefer not to have any contact, confidential adoption is also possible.

How soon after birth can my baby go to the parents I choose?
The timing of your child’s placement depends on your preference, legal aspects, and the role of the birth father. Many mothers want their baby placed with the adoptive family directly from the hospital, while other mothers choose interim care while they consider their adoption decision.

How much will my child know about me?
Regardless of the type of adoption plan, you will want to provide a thorough social and medical history for your child. If you develop an adoption plan that includes ongoing contact, your child will know about you directly.

Does the expectant father have any rights?
Both you, as the expectant mother, and the expectant father have rights. If you disagree about adoption or you no longer have a relationship with him, your agency will work with him and/or the courts to determine his rights.

Can my child find me if he or she wants to search someday?
Searching may only be necessary if there has not been ongoing contact. The law in your state determines when and how your child may access the information in the adoption file, which your caseworker can explain.

How can I be sure that my child will be well cared for?
There are standards that every prospective adoptive family must meet which are set by both the agency and the state in which they live. Families are thoroughly assessed before being approved for adoption, and a caseworker will make visits to the adoptive family after placement to ensure your child’s well-being.

Do I need an attorney, or do I pay my agency to assist me with the adoption?
In many states, you will not need an attorney, and most agencies provide services to you at no cost. If you do need an attorney, usually those costs are paid by the adoptive family.

Can I get help with medical and living expenses while I’m making an adoption plan?
Assistance with medical and living expenses is available through many agencies. For details about how your agency can help you in your particular circumstances, contact your caseworker.

Experience Matters!

Used with permission of Bethany Christian Services. Since 1944, Bethany has counseled more than 65,000 expectant parents facing unplanned pregnancies.

With more than 75 locations across the country, Bethany Christian Services is the largest adoption agency in the United States.

1.800.BETHANY

If you are pregnant and wondering what to do, download your free eBook.

What To Do If You’re Pregnant

by Dawson McAllister

Finding out you are pregnant can be a wonderful joyous moment, but for some it could be one of the most shocking and devastating moments of your life.

At first, you don’t believe it. Surely there has been a mistake somehow. But after a visit to the doctor, there’s no kidding yourself. The doctor’s tests don’t lie. You are pregnant. There’s no getting around it.

Now what do you do? You feel alone, confused, afraid, a thousand thoughts swirling around in your mind. You’re feeling more emotions than you’ve ever felt before all at the same time. Then the questions start: Who should I tell? Will my boyfriend stay with me? What will my parents say? Will they kick me out of the house? What will my friends say? Where am I going to get the money to take care of the baby? What about adoption or even abortion? It’s overwhelming. What should you do? Sometimes you almost need a guide to help you walk through your experience. Hopefully this blog will be that guide. I want to give you some suggestions on what to do and not to do when you find out you’re pregnant and don’t know what to do.

Related Posts:
Is Adoption The Right Choice For You?
I Was Pregnant And Depressed

What To Do If You Are Pregnant

  1. Suggestion #1: Never make a decision based on impulse, fear, or shock.The first thing that comes to your mind when you are pregnant is, “What shall I do?” It seems like a thousand questions need answered. The first thing you should do is nothing. You have several months to figure out what you are going to do with the baby. Calm yourself as best you can and then pray. Ask God to keep you calm and to give you wisdom in what to do next. Remember, we usually don’t make good decisions when we act out of fear, confusion, and shock.You may have heard someone say when having a difficult decision to make, Let me sleep on it.They’re want to calm down so the wisdom part of their brain can kick in.  Then they won’t do something impulsive they’ll regret later. Remind yourself that hundreds of thousands of people have gone through what you’re going through and somehow in someway most of them made it and you will too. Remind yourself the decisions you will be making affect not only you, but those closest to you and especially the baby. I tell the teenagers and young adults who call me and are pregnant to remember to always do what’s best for the baby. So calm down and take a deep breath. Things will turn out okay.
  2. Suggestion #2: Tell those closest to you about your pregnancy.Now it is time to tell those closest to you that you are in fact pregnant or your girlfriend is pregnant. This is a very difficult thing to do because you cannot predict how people will respond to the news. So start with someone you trust the most. The most difficult people to tell may be your parents. The sooner you tell them the better so they can be a support to you as you make decisions.One way to do this is to sit down with them and tell them how much you love them and thank them for their support over the years. Then tell them you really need their support right now. Then go ahead and explain to them what has happened.
  3. Suggestion #3: Talk to the father of your child.
    You may be wondering, “What will my boyfriend do?” Good communication between you is very important. Each of you will need to be honest about your feelings and thoughts. Sometimes it is helpful to see a counselor together or another trusted adult to help you talk through your feelings and possible decisions.
  4. Suggestion #4 Find A Support Group.
    Many cities have free pregnancy care clinics that will give you advice on pre-natal care and talk to you about your options. Our partner, Option Line, can help you find the clinic closest to you. Some clinics offer counseling, parenting classes, and free ultrasounds.
  5. Suggestion #5: Make a list of choices you have before you.
    Ask yourself questions such as who will raise the baby? Can I provide financially? Is the father going to be involved? Where will we live?You can give the baby up for adoption. I must admit, I am biased about this decision. My wife and I have had the privilege of adopting two boys at a very young age. We were unable to bear children, so this option for us was a God-send. It is never easy to give up your baby for adoption, but there are loving couples out there who would give your baby a wonderful home and family.

If you are pregnant and wondering what to do, download your free eBook.