TheHopeLine

Bullying

She had a Plan for Suicide – EP 27

She Doesn’t Have Anything Going in Her Life

She Has Been Thinking About Suicide

She has a plan to drive her car off of a really high bridge. It’s always serious when someone says, “I’m suicidal,” and I take it as very serious. If they have a plan, it’s serious on steroids. I asked Britney why she wants to. She said, “Because I don’t feel like I have anything going in my life. My life has revolved around taking care of my family and friends.”

Driving off the bridge is not the answer. Suicide is way too medicine for the sickness. Last weekend, her mom overdosed on her pills and she wasn’t sure if it was an accident or not. Britney constantly worries about her mom. Britney was put in foster care growing up and also had to take care of her grandmother, who had cancer.  She wonders, “What’s the point?”

She no doubt was asked to do something she was way too young for – something that was too demanding for her age and emotional needs.  Here she was, a foster child (which has its own issues), taking care of her dying grandmother.  It was all too much for her.

She sounds emotionally exhausted.  She didn’t say it, but her mother’s overdose probably makes her wonder if she’s going to have to go through the hurt again of taking care of someone who is dying, and who will leave her.  As the old song goes, “Alone Again, Naturally.”

Peer to Peer: Messages of Hope for Britney 

As I talked with Britney on my show, I realized that some of the most invaluable advice and encouragement could come from others who had been in her shoes. She needed some real uplifting and as we opened up the phone lines asking for people to give her message of hope…the calls came flooding in. Here are a few of those calls, from Katelyn, Brad, Caleb, and Lauren. These people were right on with their messages of hope and their encouragement!

Keep Going, Suicide Is Not the Answer

Katelyn says to Britney, “Keep going, suicide is not the answer. I’ve been in your shoes to the point where I didn’t want to be there anymore. And you just need to pray, be strong, and hold your head up. Even though you’re going through a rough patch right now, just know that God is handling it. God is watching over you. Look up to Him and pray to God. You are a strong beautiful person. There is no reason you should end your life because God has a plan for you.”

Katelyn gave Britney Firsthand Experience

Katelyn was kind but direct.  She spoke of firsthand experience.  She, too, had thought about killing herself.  People who have been suicidal and have come through the other side can be extremely helpful.

Some people are afraid to talk with a suicidal person about their issues, thinking about what they say will push them off the ledge, but that’s not true.  Talking with someone openly about suicide can only help, as long as it is respectful, kind, and without any baiting.  For example, “You’ll never kill yourself.  You’re too stupid to do it.”  That’s baiting.  And it’s very dangerous.  But Katelyn didn’t do that.  She spoke openly about the issues and was extremely respectful.

Katelyn was also hopeful.  And her hopefulness had been impacted by her faith in God.  When you bring God into the equation, you also bring hope because whatever is troubling someone who is suicidal can be solved by God.

You are Worth More than Driving Your Car off a Bridge

Here’s Brad’s advice for Britney. “I’ve been in your shoes before, I know exactly what you’re going through. I have felt the world against my shoulders, felt the world was crashing down around me and there was nowhere to turn…except to end it all. I had a plan myself. I started to do the plan and then one of my friends called me. I just happened to pick up, completely in tears, completely upset, feeling I wasn’t loved, that there was no there just to say, “Hey, I got you. I got your back. I’m always here if you need something.” It’s all sort of unexplained mysterious work at hand just to let you know that you are worth more than driving your car off a bridge. Your self-worth and the worth of everybody around you and around the world that’s listening right now. The fact the whole world is blowing up to let you know, girl, you got this. You can beat this, you are loved by millions of people. You’ve called in to talk with Dawson, you’ve called in and are listening to all of us. Just to talk to you and we are here to say we know where you are coming from. I get it. I understand. I’m here if you need me. I’m here if you need anything at all.”

Brad’s Advice offered Hope

Brad, too, offered tremendous hope to Britney.  He said the very fact that she had called the show was a sign of hope.  He’s right.  Some people are so depressed they don’t have the emotional strength to call.  She did.  She was serious, and she was getting the answers she was looking for.

He also talked about the millions of people who were hearing her plea for help.  And those million were all pulling for her. Always remember what people want most is hope.  If you will sincerely offer it to them, you are giving them an amazing gift.

You are Here for a Reason

Caleb said to Britney, “You called Dawson for a reason. God sent you to Dawson for a reason, so you could call him. That way God can speak to you through someone else to help you not do what you are trying to do right now. There have been many people in your shoes. I have been in your shoes just recently. I wanted to drive my car at 110 mph into a tree. But Dawson came on and spoke words to me that I’ve never heard before and I listened to his show for 8 years. I had friend’s blowing up my phone, they all tell me there’s a reason I’m here. God didn’t put you down here for no reason. Nobody is down here on this Earth for no reason. We all make a difference, whether it be now, in the past, or in the future. You could wake up tomorrow and then something new sparks up and you’ve just changed the whole world. You never know.”

Caleb said Something Powerful

Caleb had something really powerful to say – he said, “You’re not down here for no reason.”  He was saying don’t blow the opportunity God has given you.  It may be dark today, but that could all change tomorrow.

There’s so Much You Haven’t Experienced Yet

Lauren says to Britney, “Life gets really really hard sometimes and it feels like you’re at your breaking point. I suffer with depression. I’ve been through a lot of things and been suicidal.  You’re so young and there’s so much you haven’t experienced. There’s so much in the world to see. And you’re worth so much more than driving your car off a bridge.”

You are worth so much more!

Lauren, another caller, piggy-backed on what Caleb was saying.  She said, “You’re so young, and there’s so much in the world you haven’t experienced, and there’s so much in the world to see.  And you’re worth so much more than driving your car off a bridge.” Amen Lauren!

What advice would you give Britney?

Britney said the advice was amazing! After hearing the messages of hope, she said, “I’m not going to give up!” If you have advice for Britney, would you type it in the comments below! You never know when Britney or someone else struggling with suicidal thoughts might read it, be encouraged and find hope.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Have you been having thoughts of suicide or know someone who’s there right now? It’s incredible, the difference we can make in someone’s life by speaking love and encouragement to them. What I loved about each of those that gave messages of hope for Britney, was that is they could relate to what she was feeling. Each one of them had felt like giving up at some point in their life. They told Britney, they’d been there, feeling like she does, and she didn’t have to be in that place alone.

I love what Caleb told Britney, “God didn’t put you down here for no reason.” God has an amazing plan for each one of us. Psalm 139:13-16 says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Let God be your hope. He alone is our hope and our refuge. As the Psalmist David wrote, “We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.” (Psalm 33:20-22)

Resources for help with Suicide:

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope! 

Dawson

How to Deal with Verbally Abusive Parents: EP 25

Are You Trapped in a Cycle of Emotional Abuse from Parents?

Overwhelmed by the Verbal Abuse

The words of an abuser can cause all kinds of agony and can set one on a lifelong destructive course. In this episode, I speak with Lance, who’s verbally attacked by his parents. I also talk with Sarah who endures verbal abuse at least twice a day trapped in the car with her dad. And the most difficult conversation I had is with Tameka, whose father emotionally and verbally abuses her. He calls her names and puts her down every day. If you need help dealing with verbal abuse in your family, then this one is for you!

Trying to Avoid the Conflict with Parents

Lance’s parents get angry at him for stupid reasons. They call him names and he says, “It’s getting stupid.” Lance gets so stressed by his parent’s abuse, he forgets his responsibilities and messes up even more.

Like Lance, most victims of verbal abuse feel put down, afraid, hurt, angry, confused, and helpless to do anything about the situation. In this case, Lance tried to get away from the abuse by hiding in his room, trying to avoid the conflict.

The words of an abuser cause all kinds of agony. It can set one on a lifelong destructive course. The Bible does not mince words when talking about a destructive tongue. It says, “The tongue is a fire. It is full of wrong. It poisons the whole body. The tongue sets our whole lives on fire with a fire that comes from hell.” James 3:6 In spite of this graphic description, the verbal abuser seldom understands or cares about the havoc he or she is causing. Most are full of rage and have no idea the damage being done.

The words of an abuser cause all kinds of agony. It can set one on a lifelong destructive course. Click To Tweet

Lance is afraid of his parents. They use vicious words to control and hurt him. Lance is stressed at what his parents are doing which causes him to forget what they are trying to say. It’s a vicious cycle. They verbally abuse him, he stresses out and forgets what they require of him, so they abuse him more. Then he forgets again, they get angrier and lash out.

Minimizing the Emotional Abuse

On one hand, Lance understands they hurt him, on the other hand he minimizes what they are doing to him. I challenged him to get out of the house and he responded by saying, “Their good parents besides that.” Just because they are good parents the rest of the time, doesn’t change the fact that their verbal abuse is horrific and causing incredible damage. It’s like someone who has been beaten within an inch of death to say of his attacker, “It’s okay that he almost killed me because most of the time he’s really nice.”

Lance doesn’t have an advocate or someone to help him with his problems. His abusive parents have beaten him down and he doesn’t know what to do but just knowing someone cares will help him tremendously with his tragic situation.

A Father Full of Rage and Verbal Abuse

Sarah is in a very difficult situation. She and her sister are in the car, with their father for 10 minutes, twice a day, to and from school. Their father is extremely angry. He’s full of rage because of the divorce and who knows what else. Attacking the girls verbally is irrational but in some ways it must make him feel better, even though he’s doing great harm to his victims.

The wise King Solomon has given incredible advice to someone who is forced to be around another one full of rage. Solomon’s advice is to go soft and quiet when an angry person acts out. He said in Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”

When Sarah becomes gentle and humble with her words, she can help soften her father’s harsh and angry words by not letting him get her upset. After a while, the father will run out of things to say. He will see love and wisdom demonstrated during their drives to and from school. God’s love is powerful. It can do some amazing things, even turn Sarah’s father into a changed man.

We all ought to pray for Sarah because she needs tremendous patience. With it her soft approach will help change her father’s attitude. Solomon wrote, “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” Proverbs 25:15

“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” Proverbs 15:1 Click To Tweet

Stuck in an Awful Predicament of Abuse

Tameka’s father has been emotionally and verbally abusing her for 6 years. He calls her names and puts her down every day. Tameka feels she can’t take it anymore and is starting to break down.

Tameka is stuck and needs help to find a much better situation. She needs to get away from her abusive father. The Bible tells us about King Saul, who was David’s mentor but also his authority figure. Saul had the right to put David to death and anyone else under his dominion. Saul fell away from God and was determined to kill David because he was jealous and hateful towards him.

David had to go to someone who could protect him and that someone was a man called Samuel. Samuel was a powerful man. He was both a prophet and judge over all of Israel. The Bible goes onto to say, “When David had fled and made his escape, he went to Samuel at Ramah and told him all that Saul had done to him. Then he and Samuel went to Naioth and stayed there.” 1 Samuel 19:18

Tameka, like David, is under the authority of her father. Before attempting to leave her horribly abusive situation, she needs to hook up with safe people who will protect her. She definitely needs our prayers for strength and courage as she reaches out to others.

Let us all pray, God will change Tameka’s father, so he will turn from his vicious ways. The Bible says, “A worthless man digs up evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.” Proverbs 16:27 May God stop him in his tracks, may he turn to Christ to forgive him and find a whole new life of love and support.

Did Today’s Episode on Abuse Get You Thinking?

Verbally abused people are all around us. May God help us identify them and offer support that will help them heal. If you have been verbally abused, I want to encourage you to go to a place called ThePrayerZone.com. There you will find encouragement and prayer that will start you down the road of healing. Our hearts are with you. God says, “He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.” Psalm 102:17

Verbally abused people are all around us. May God help us identify them and offer support to help them heal. Click To Tweet

Resources for help with EMOTIONAL and VERBAL Abuse:

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on depression. In this episode, I speak with Samantha who finds herself emotionally exhausted. I also get a chance to talk with Melissa, facing a serious setback after her counselor is murdered. Then, I realize that Cody has a core belief, he’s worthless. Lastly, Dustin shares how even though he’s got some debilitating health issues, he’s reaching out to people who are depressed and encouraging them. From this episode, I hope you gain encouragement and are able to get help by learning from other’s experiences.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

The Overwhelming Feeling of Loneliness: EP 24

What Keeps You from Meaningful Relationships?

Feeling Alone can be Overwhelming

Loneliness can lead to a lot of other issues; such as, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even thoughts of suicide. If you’ve been feeling lonely, know it’s not God’s plan for your life. He wants us to have friends and to love each other as He loves us. In this episode, I talk about loneliness with Amy, Tim, and Rebecca. We’ll talk about what keeps them from having meaningful relationships and how they can find and build friendships.

Girls Don’t Seem to Like Her

Amy wishes she had girlfriends to go out and have fun with. When she’s not with her boyfriend, she’s at home by herself. She says, girls don’t seem to like her. Amy is asking the question, why? Why does she lack meaningful relationships, especially with other girls?

It’s a challenge to maintain long-term relationships. We live hurried, busy lives and don’t always take the time to develop them. We get prideful and don’t want to appear like we need others. Sometimes we don’t know how to find and keep deeper relationships. Or it’s easy to take offense or decide we are better off without people in our lives.

Afraid to Reach Out

Many times, when we ask, why am I lonely? We already know what the answer is. The challenge is it’s too emotionally risky to solve the problem. Most people know what to do, they just don’t know how to do it or they are not willing to pay the price to remedy the problem. What are some reasons people are afraid to reach out?

  • Pride – Amy doesn’t want to look like she’s trying too hard to make friends.
  • Fear of rejection – you have to put yourself out there and you don’t know how the other person is going to respond.
  • Confused about how many friends you really need. Amy is thinking about a lot of friends but one friend at this point is really all she needs. Most people only have 2 or 3 really close friends anyway.
  • It’s hard when you’re lonely to think that other people around you are lonely too. Some camouflage their needs really well. It’s not like they have a sign on their forward that says, “Talk to me I’m lonely.”
  • Some people don’t understand there are sacrifices to developing new relationships. Amy may have to cut back on her time with her boyfriend to take the time to make friends with other girls. It’s worth it but it’s not easy.
Lonely? It’s not God’s plan for your life. He wants us to have friends & to love each other. Click To Tweet

Show Yourself Friendly

Amy needs to put aside her pride and be willing to make the first move toward gaining a friend. She needs to begin to show herself friendly. She can’t just wait for friends to come to her. This means she has to set aside time to get to know other people. She’s going to have to get out of her comfort zone and do activities with people other than her boyfriend. Amy has the tools to do this and with God’s help she can.

Grief and Loneliness 

Tim was an only child and both of his parents died. He said they were very poor but he never lacked for food or clothes, his parents took good care of him. It’s been 5 years since they died. Tim works in the oil field and makes good money but the girls he’s dated think he’s gullible and lonely.

Lonely people have often been struck with major hurts and tragedies. Sometimes through no fault of their own, the very people who would help fill the gap of aloneness are snatched from them. Grief and loneliness can come hand in hand.

Tim has really been through it…losing both parents can be devastating. Ye he’s the only one who can make the changes in his life that will help develop deep, important, and potentially long-term relationships with others.

Tim, however is constantly reminded he’s all alone. He’s had shallow relationships with girls who don’t care about him. At the same time, he’s observing others who are enjoying the good family life. So, what hope does Tim have?

Lonely people have often been struck with major hurts and tragedies through no fault of their own. Click To Tweet

God’s Help for Loneliness

He needs to remind himself how God helped him when he was very young. The same hope he had as a child when God put the food on the table from a very poor family is still available to him now. That same God who helped him back then, can and will help him again with his fears and loneliness. King David wrote, “The steps of a man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way. Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, for the LORD is holding his hand. I once was young and now am old, yet never have I seen the righteous abandoned or their children begging for bread.” Psalm 37:23-25

The good news for Tim is he already has a relationship with God. He speaks of God’s provisions but it’s hard for him to apply that to his feelings of loneliness. As Dr. Billy Graham once said, “Nothing dissolves loneliness like a session with God’s Word.” Tim needs to seek the Lord with all of his heart and then friendships and relationships will fall into place. Jesus said, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33

Be a Good Friend

Rebecca is feeling lonely and wants more friends. She has 2 friends at school, but they are in different classes, so she doesn’t see them much.

Rebecca needs to understand this is not a little thing we are talking about. God’s will is for her to have friends. If God wants us to have friends, then he will make the way for us to find them. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

God’s going to help Rebecca. Part of His plan is found in Proverbs 18:24, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” As I mentioned to Rebecca, if she is a good friend and shows others she’s approachable, then people will want to be around her.

Shared Experiences

One key to making friends is shared experiences. This is why teammates can become so close as well as roommates, coworkers, and people into the same interests. They share experiences together and get to know each other while doing similar activities.

Rebecca needs to find a group to join; whether it’s a club, team, community service group, study group, or youth group. This way she can get to know people through shared experiences. Meaningful relationships do not develop overnight. They take time and must be cultivated.

Meaningful #relationships do not develop overnight. They take time and must be cultivated. Click To Tweet

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

God does not want us to go through struggles alone. He wants us to have friends, who will stick with us through thick or thin. Proverbs 12:12 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

A friend can make all the difference in your life whether you are going through a really hard time or you are doing well. A true friend, as the Bible says, can stick closer to you than a sister or brother.

My prayer for you is that you will find the right kind of friends and they will help you and you will help them and you will have a much richer life. God bless you as you seek to find those friends.

Resources for help with LONELINESS:

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on verbal abuse in the family. The words of an abuser can cause all kinds of agony and can set one on a lifelong destructive course. In this episode, I speak with Lance, who’s verbally attacked by his parents. I also talk with Sarah who endures verbal abuse at least twice a day trapped in the car with her dad. And the most difficult conversation I had is with Tameka, whose father emotionally and verbally abuses her. He calls her names and puts her down every day. If you need help dealing with verbal abuse in your family, then this one is for you!

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Carmen’s Deep Self-Esteem Wounds: EP 6

What to Do When You Hate Yourself.

In This Episode:

At one time or another, we’ve all been disgusted with ourselves and wallowed in the world of self-loathing. You might not have said, “I hate myself,” but no doubt you have believed horrible lies about who you are. These lies are called false beliefs. They are misconceptions resulting from incorrect reasoning.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Have you ever said a false-belief to yourself, such as: “I hate myself,” “I’m a failure,” or “There’s nothing to love about me?” These negative self-beliefs are lies. Don’t buy the lie, buy the truth. You need to learn and accept the truth and you will be set free. The ultimate truth comes from God’s word and putting His truth against the false beliefs. Try this simple formula:

First – Identify the lie.
Second – Search God’s word for his truth.
Third – Replace the lie and begin to dwell and think on the truth.

Resources for what to do when you hate yourself:

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

The next episode is on forgiveness.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

The Kindness Experiment

the-kindness-experiment

 

The world is FULL of hurting people

Could showing kindness make an impact?

Every day on TheHopeLine, people respond to us, telling us about their burdens, sharing their depression, and expressing feelings of brokenness and deep loneliness. What can we do to impact their lives? I believe that a little kindness could go a long way because showing kindness gives others value.

The world is FULL of hurting people...Could showing kindness make an impact? @dawsonradio #kindness Click To Tweet

Here’s a glimpse at some of the comments we receive:

“I am bullied by my friends. They start teasing me spread fake things about me. My other classmates have good friends except me.” Amaya

“I remember from young on I was always obsessed with love. It was what I wanted more than anything in the world. I even subjected myself to a lot of bad treatment just to feel love. I’ve been used, abused, and mistreated by a lot of guys just to get it. Now I realize I brought it upon myself in some way.”  Lindsey

“I hated myself for a while…I felt that I wasn’t worth anything and wondered why anyone would want to waste their time on me.” Betsy

“At least you have people that care and love you. I don’t have that and never did. I actually do care bout others but I have not one person asking me if I’m ok. Never did.” – JK

“Living is hard, dying is simple and easy. And to die by my choice seems to be the only way. Nobody not one friend nor family to talk to.. I’v wasted years thinking somebody could help me. The more i realise i’m just alone the more evident it becomes i’m not meant to live this life. Everything seems so pointless being alive.” – Sane

Where Does It End?

I can’t take it all in without asking myself, why so much sadness? How and where does it end?

Mother Theresa, one of the modern day saints, said it well, “The world is lost for want of sweetness and kindness. Do not forget we need each other.” She spent her life on the streets of Calcutta, India, amongst the poor and orphans and she recognized that “The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”

So I wonder…what if we were just kinder to one another? Here’s my challenge:

We Need More Kindness

For just one day take your eyes off of your own problems and considered that you are surrounded by people with problems of their own. They may look like they have it together…but, likely, you look pretty good from the outside as well. It doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting. So what if, for this one day, you simply choose to be kind?

Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless. Mother Teresa

After years of talking to teens and young adults on the radio, I know this to be true…we are all desperate to be loved and accepted. I also know that when someone is treated with kindness and respect, they feel worthy and can hold their head a little higher. Whether you live in the slums of Calcutta, a ranch in Montana, small town Ireland, or the streets of Hong Kong, ALL of humanity wants to be seen and feel like they matter.

Sound too simple?

A Day of Choosing Kindness

I get that kindness won’t solve every problem, but let’s see what it could do.Kindness impact

There are a million ways to show kindness.

Today I encourage you to try this:

  • Sit down with the girl who always eats alone and invite your friends to join you, rather than walk past her again.
  • Tell your sister the shirt she stole from your closet looks nice on her rather than getting back at her for taking it without permission.
  • Take 5 minutes of your time to call your friend who is going through a tough time. Don’t keep putting it off.
  • Make a point to encourage teammate who lost the game for you, rather than blaming them.
  • Stop and say hi to the little kid on your block who sits outside by himself most days, rather than ignoring him.

Or how about this scenario:

Every morning when you wake up you have some choices to make. For example:

You could yell at your mom, flip off the driver who turned in front of you, ignore the person who sold you coffee, and give the cold shoulder to your friend who didn’t text you back.

OR

You could hug your mom, wave at the person who turned in front of you, make eye-contact with the person who sold you coffee and wish them a good day, and forgive your friend for the oversight and ask how their night was.

A lot of it has to do with the impact our little choices have on others.

Inspiring Stories of Everyday Kindness

 

Here are some more simple ideas to consider:

Tell someone you like their sweater.

Compliment your boss or teacher.

Visit with your grandma.

Ask the gas station attendant how their day is going.

Help the person who dropped their groceries.

O.K. I’ll stop now. You get what I’m talking about.

Are you wondering what’s in it for you?

Every morning when you wake up you have some choices to make. #choosekindness #stopbullying Click To Tweet

Showing Kindness Makes You Happier

We are not on this planet alone….and when we care for each other our life takes on more meaning….more purpose…and quite honestly, more joy.

It is probably obvious to point out that after a day of purposefully showing kindness, the people around you feel better.

But here is the beauty of it all. How do you think you are feeling at the end of this day? Do you feel still feel angry, frustrated, hateful, etc.? Or do you actually feel encouraged, energized, inspired and hopeful yourself?

You get it, right? Kindness has rewards on both ends!  Holding on to all the angst you feel and taking it out on others will NEVER make you happier. But making someone else’s day…that will always feel good.

In fact, this is proven by research. In a study published in the Journal of Social Psychology, people were asked to take a survey measuring how satisfied they were with life.  Then they were divided into groups.  One group was told to perform a daily act of kindness for 10 days, the other group was told nothing. After 10 days they filled out the satisfaction survey again. The group that practiced kindness had a significant boost in happiness.  And this little experiment only lasted for 10 days!

Is it really that hard to choose kindness? Are you ready to give it a try?

Kindness is Not a New Idea

Show KindnessObviously the idea of being kind is not new, but I feel like it gets forgotten along the way.  We get too busy, and become too self-centered. We focus on our own stuff and neglect to take the time to pay attention to others.

Did you know that the Bible often talks about being kind?  “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32) and “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, “ (Colossians 3:12)

God is kind and He desires for His children to be an example of Him. God hates to see us hurting and wants to use His people on earth to spread love and joy by caring for others. He wants us to love others the way He loves us.

God is kind and He desires for His children to be an example of Him. @dawsonradio #choosekindness Click To Tweet

I’ll leave you with this final quote from Mother Teresa.

 “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”

 

How Her Pain Turned Into Something Beautiful

Cam’s Story: Her Pain Turned Into Something Beautiful

Her Pain Turned Into Something BeautifulWe have partnered again with Vlogsters to introduce Camille Paddock to you.  She’s been through a lot!  She was bullied to the point where she considered taking her own life.  Thankfully, she did not.  She decided to use the challenges she faced for positive change.  She started her own online anti-bullying community through Facebook, called Cam’s Dare to be Different where she could reach out to other people dealing with bullying and give them a place to vent and find hope.  She advocates for anti-bullying, suicide prevention and “just being who you are.”

Check out Cam’s Story, brought to you by Vlogsters:

In 4th grade, Camille was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Alopecia Areata, it caused her to lose her hair (including her eyebrows) which resulted in bullying from people at her school.  It got worse in middle school.  They called her names; like, freak, hairless cat, ugly, told her she was worthless.  Then they started calling her names online, texting and calling her and saying horrible things.  Camille fell into a deep depression that led to self-harm and thoughts of suicide.  She asked God, “Why, is this happening to me?”  She explains,

Suicide seemed like the only solution.

Then she wrote her suicide note.  She was at home alone and had a bottle of pills ready to take.  Then the garage door opened and she heard her sister come into the house.  Her sister felt like something was wrong and that she needed to come home. She asked Camille, “Are you, okay?” and it hit Camille…she couldn’t leave her family in that way.  Camille decided she couldn’t go through with suicide.  She wanted to get better but she didn’t know how.  Camille then decided to start a Facebook page, Cam’s Dare to Be Different because she knows everyone has something about them that makes them different.  On her page, she shared her story, vented, shared inspiring quotes and stories that helped her so that they could help and inspire others.

Everyone has something about them that makes them different. #daretobedifferent Click To Tweet

Cam lost her hair, bulliedPeople started reaching out to her and it began the healing process for her.  She was a cheerleader at the time and the cheer gym asked her to share her story with a cheer team that was struggling with bullying, teasing, and bickering.  It was really hard for her to speak in front of those cheerleaders but as she finished telling her story, she looked up and everyone had tears in their eyes.  It hit her that she had the ability and power to do something good.  All of the pain and hurt she went through could be used for something beautiful.  The more she spoke at schools and events, the better she felt about herself because not only was she helping people but they were helping her to heal.

All of the pain and hurt can be used for something beautiful. #somethingbeautiful Click To Tweet

Have you been through something similar to Camille?  Is there a way you can use the pain and hurt you’ve experienced and turn it into something beautiful?  Let us know in the comments!

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

Related Posts:
What To Do If You Are Being Bullied
(Video) The End of Bullying Begins With You
(Video) Bullying Prevention: Don’t Drink the Haterade

Connect:

Cam’s Facebook page

Vlogster’s YouTube Channel

Vlogster’s Facebook page

For more information on bullying, here’s a guide to understanding the types of bullying and cyberbullying and how to deal with it.

(Video) The End of Bullying Begins With You

The Unity Project…a film inspired by a girl wanting to make a change and created by a group of 7th graders coming together, unified, to make something that might change the way people treat one another.  Check it out:

October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Remember the end of bullying begins with you so join the movement!

Unity day is about uniting together for kindness, acceptance, and inclusion.  Unity Day is Wednesday, October 19, 2016.

How to show  your support on unity day:

Wear orange and make a statement!  It can be an orange T-shirt, tie, hat, wristband, socks, or even shoelaces. Show your support beyond the school, wear ORANGE in the workplace, home and community.

Share Orange: color our online world with orange!

Other ways to show your support:

Related Posts:
Real Story: Her Pain Turned Into Something Beautiful
What To Do If You Are Being Bullied
(Video) The End of Bullying Begins With You
(Video) Bullying Prevention: Don’t Drink the Haterade

Also, if you are being bullied and need help or want to know how to help a friend being bullied then check out TheHopeLine’s eBook:

(Video) How to Disarm a Bully

Guest Video Blogger: Brooks Gibbs – Shares How to Disarm a Bully.

Brooks Gibbs is here yet again (you are awesome Brooks) to help us know how to disarm a bully.  Brooks is a youth crisis counselor, bullying expert, youth speaker, author of Love is Greater Than Hate, and friend of TheHopeLine.

Check out the video here:

Bottom Line: To disarm a bully, you have to understand what bullying is.  Bullying is an imbalance of power.  It’s one person (the bully) hurting the feelings of another (the victim).  End result – bully feels like a winner and the victim feels like a loser.  What is the solution?  Empower the victim.  If you are the victim, you can empower yourself and disarm a bully by: Number One – Don’t get upset!  Even if they insult your race, your looks, your mom…don’t get upset.  Second Thing – Be friendly to your bully!  No matter what, respond with kindness.  You can even tell them, “I’m going to be happy today, even if you hate me.”

Related Posts:
Real Story: Her Pain Turned Into Something Beautiful
What To Do If You Are Being Bullied
(Video) The End of Bullying Begins With You
(Video) Bullying Prevention: Don’t Drink the Haterade

Don’t let the haters ruin it for you! If you or someone you know needs help with bullying or how to disarm a bully then download TheHopeLine’s free eBook on bullying!

(Video) Bullying Intervention: What to do when you see bullying?

Guest Video Blogger on Bullying Intervention: Brooks Gibbs

What should you do when you see bullying going on?  Should you take sides?  Should you defend the victim?

Brooks Gibbs is here again, to give us some practical advice that answers these questions.  He is going to help us understand what to do when you see bullying going on, and how you can be a part of bullying intervention. Brooks is a youth crisis counselor, bullying expert, youth speaker, author of Love is Greater Than Hate, and friend of TheHopeLine.

Check out the video here:

Bottom Line: You can’t always tell who the victim is.  You have two people who have offended each other and it might not be clear where the offense started.  To start bullying intervention, you can work one-on-one with the person involved in the bullying that you have a relationship with.  You can talk it out with them and encourage them to forgive the other person.  Be a messenger of forgiveness and help bring peace to an intense situation.

Related Posts:
Real Story: Her Pain Turned Into Something Beautiful
What To Do If You Are Being Bullied
(Video) The End of Bullying Begins With You
(Video) Bullying Prevention: Don’t Drink the Haterade

If you or someone you know needs help with bullying or bullying intervention then download TheHopeLine’s free eBook on bullying.

(Video) Death by Suicide: All Too Soon

Suicidal thoughts?  You are not alone!

TheHopeLine is here for you if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, are lonely, depressed, struggling with self-worth, or just need someone to talk to.  The more you can talk about your feelings and not hold everything inside, the more you can begin to feel a weight lifted off of you and find hope.  In honor of National Suicide Prevention Week, we partnered with Vlogsters to bring you a powerful video inspired by a girl who died by suicide.

[Video] All Too Soon (A Slam Poem by Andrew Nuno)

THE STORY OF “ALL TOO SOON”

TheHopeLine has partnered with Vlogsters to bring you this video.  Vlogsters is a group of three high school film-making friends staying connected with Vlogs and more through their college lives.  One of the Vlogsters, Adrian Nuno, tells us how this video came to be:

“All Too Soon” began as a slam poem that my brother Andrew wrote back in the beginning of 2014 in response to a local tragedy in our community that involved the suicide of a girl because of cyber bullying. Andrew needed to channel what had happened into something creative and this poem came about as a result.

Ever since the poem was written, I had constantly told Andrew that he should make it into a video but because of other projects we were working on at the time, we never got the chance to make it. Two things this year brought about the opportunity for this video to finally happen. The first was Andrew’s vlog on our channel, Vlogsters, which was titled “You are Loved.”  In this vlog, Andrew told our viewers that you are loved no matter what and that someone will always be there for you. This inspired me to reignite the conversation with Andrew of getting this project finally going. The second was my work that is still ongoing with my Phi Theta Kappa board (an honors society at my college). We are in the midst of a project surrounding mental illness and how people should not feel ashamed about it.

Related Posts:
Real Story: Her Pain Turned Into Something Beautiful
What To Do If You Are Being Bullied
(Video) The End of Bullying Begins With You
(Video) Bullying Prevention: Don’t Drink the Haterade

These two things along with more unfortunate tragedies in our community inspired us to revisit this project and to finally get it done. We had two of our good friends star in this video and Andrew memorized the poem and we got our film cameras out and rolling! After three filming days and a week of editing, “All Too Soon” finally became a reality.

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide or know of a friend struggling with suicidal thoughts, contact TheHopeLine and chat with us here: CHAT NOW!


Free eBook! Understanding Suicide from TheHopeLine®



What if We Loved the Bully?

by Dawson McAllister

What if we lived life above the norm in EXTREME LOVE; not seeking revenge, not speaking badly of our enemies, and refusing to stay angry?what if we loved the bully

A good friend of our organization, Brooks Gibbs, wrote a book on bullying called, Love>Hate. Gibbs was a victim of bullying as well as a bully himself and in his book he discusses some alternative responses to bullies.

Here’s what he suggests, “The ones who hurt us need our love the most. In fact, I believe that this is the ultimate pathway to healing – to turn the hate that you feel towards someone into genuine love and care for them.” (page 29) In other words, what if we loved the bully?

Now you might read that and think this is crazy. You might be saying, “But Dawson, do you have any idea how it feels to be tormented to the point that you feel absolutely worthless. I can’t even love myself, let alone love a bully.”

First of all, if that is how you are feeling, I want you to know that I believe you are amazing! You are not worthless, you can make a difference in someone else’s life. I know this is asking a lot, but what if loving the bully worked? What if you had the power to change the cycle? Gibbs talks about how when we love the unlovable, lives are changed. It “reverses the cycle of hate, breaks the back of bullying, and launches us into a new cycleof life.” (page 32)

Related Posts:
Real Story: Her Pain Turned Into Something Beautiful
What To Do If You Are Being Bullied
(Video) The End of Bullying Begins With You
(Video) Bullying Prevention: Don’t Drink the Haterade

3 Steps for Choosing Love over Hate

It is important to understand that a bully is often the victim of hate themselves and to feel better, they try to assert hateful power over someone else. That’s why you could be the start of a new cycle. You could choose to react with LOVE. Love that is a choice an action of the will.

Like I said, I know it isn’t going to be easy to love the bully, so here are three steps that Gibbs suggests to help in the process.

  1. Change your thought patterns. A normal thought pattern after someone hurts us is to begin thinking about them negatively, dwelling on it, magnifying it, and turning it into hateful thoughts. Rather, think of bullying as opportunities to learn to deal with difficult people (they are always present!), begin thinking of them as good and think kind thoughts toward them.
  2. Change your actions. Choose not to participate in the drama. By doing so you demonstrate maturity, humility and respect which will totally disarm the bully. Pray for the bully, ask God to help you change your attitude about them.
  3. Change your feelings. Feelings follow our thoughts; as you change your thoughts and choose to love, your feelings will follow. “Love will open your eyes. You will gain the ability to see past their masks of hate and see a heart full of hurt.” (page 44) Learning to forgive will also help change our feelings. I love Gibbs definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness is “releasing the person that did you wrong from the responsibility of fixing it.” (page 45). Forgiving someone sets us free from letting them hurt us over and over again as our mind dwells on how we were wronged. Gibbs says that unforgiveness re-victimizes upon every remembrance.

Bullying Support Groups

love-the-bullyI have had a number of teens tell me recently about their own experiences of being bullied and how that has motivated them to start a bullying support group in their school. I’m proud of them for wanting to do something to make a difference. It is so important that people who are being bullied have a place to go that is safe and have others supporting them. My word of advice for starting a bullying support group would be that the group not become a revenge group or a place to spew hate about bullies, but rather a place to be “above the norm” and consider how to show love to bullies.

Hate is easy. Love takes courage! You can do it!

For more from Brooks Gibbs check out this video:

Anti-Bullying Youth Speaker Brooks Gibbs

I want to hear from you about bullying. Please leave a comment below.

For more information on bullying, here’s a guide to understanding the types of bullying and cyberbullying and how to deal with it. 

(Video) Step Up The Love

LicyBe

Guest Blogger: Licy-Be Says We Need To Step Up the Love.

If it wasn’t for a stranger approaching me in the shops one day, I might not be alive today. Because of another person’s willingness, honesty and openness I found hope where I thought there was none. I found that I wasn’t alone and that everybody goes through stuff. I still to this day cannot believe the impact that person had on my life by sharing with me about his depression, how he had been bullied and most importantly how he OVERCAME, those things that once brought him down, through his relationship with God. We can all “Step Up The Love.”

I personally believe we have the power to reach out and impact another person’s life just like that guy impacted mine in the shops that day. However, choosing to NOT act can also have a massive impact. By not reaching out to someone in need, someone struggling or someone being bullied, we leave that person at risk of believing they are alone at a time when they need to know they are actually not alone.

Can you honestly say that you have never been in a situation where someone else made you feel like crap? Whether they were engaging in bullying behavior or if it was unintentional, we can all relate in some way when we see someone who is feeling down or being mistreated. I feel like this thing inside rises up and screams IT’S NOT OK when we hear about someone who has been bullied. Why do you think that happens? Why do you think we feel strongly about the person being pushed around? I believe those thoughts prompt us and open the door for opportunity. They create space and challenge us to make a decision to REACH OUT, STAND UP AND GIVE SOMEBODY ELSE A HAND UP.

Step Up The Love is a song that was written to challenge us to step up the love by reaching out to those in our lives who might be in need of a little love and encouragement. The title of this song is a call to action. The challenge is to step up the love and take action by reaching out.

So tell me, do you accept the challenge?

Watch Licy-Be’s Step Up The Love – Music Video feat. Amanda & Kenyon:

Licy-Be is a passionate and talented spoken word artist, motivational speaker and rapper who aims to inspire, encourage and empower!

If you want to hear more from Licy-Be, visit her website: http://licybe.com/ or visit her YouTube Channel at: Licy-Be YouTube Channel.

Related Posts:
Real Story: Her Pain Turned Into Something Beautiful
What To Do If You Are Being Bullied
(Video) The End of Bullying Begins With You
(Video) Bullying Prevention: Don’t Drink the Haterade

For more information on bullying, here’s a guide to understanding the types of bullying and cyberbullying and how to deal with it. 

(Video) Bullying Prevention: Don’t Drink the Haterade

Guest Video Blogger on Bullying Prevention: Brooks Gibbs

We are excited to bring you a video from our friend and bullying expert, Brooks Gibbs. Brooks takes a whole different approach to bullying prevention. This is not your typical “words hurt” message. Watch and find out!

 

Bullying affects so many of us at one time or another…either we’ve been bullied, we’ve seen someone bullied, or we’ve been the bully. Awareness is only the first step, the second step is action.  So, we are excited to bring you a video from our friend and bullying expert, Brooks Gibbs.  He is someone that was bullied and he has turned that negativity into a positive. His passion is to empower victims with the skills needed to solve their bullying problems.

Related Posts:
Real Story: Her Pain Turned Into Something Beautiful
What To Do If You Are Being Bullied
(Video) The End of Bullying Begins With You

Brooks is a youth crisis counselor, bullying expert, youth speaker, author of Love is Greater Than Hate, and friend of TheHopeLine. October is National Bullying Awareness Month. Brooks says, “The most important message we can be promoting during this month of bullying awareness is the message of love.” Tweet This!

If you want to hear more from Brooks, you can visit his website at http://www.brooksgibbs.com/.

If you or someone you know needs help with bullying then download TheHopeLine’s free eBook:

When You’re the Bully…

by Dawson McAllister

But what if YOU’RE the bully???

For the past couple weeks I’ve been discussing the serious topic of bullying. Bullying is not a harmless act that should be brushed off. Bullying has very real emotional and psychological effects that can last a victim’s lifetime. Depression, anxiety, heightened feelings of sadness or loneliness are all issues that may persist into adulthood. But what if YOU are the bully??? Believe it or not, there are long-term effects to being a bully as well. Those who bully others may partake in other negative behaviors well into adulthood. Bullies are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, get into physical fights, drop out of school, vandalize property, have criminal records, and even be abusive to their romantic partners, spouses, and even their own children as adults.

Let me ask you:

  • shutterstock_90697366 When You're the bully inside blogDoes hurting other people or taking their things make you feel better?
  • Do you avoid thinking of how your hurtful words and actions may make someone else feel?
  • Have you been bullied before and now feel like you have to make up for it by bullying others?
  • If you’re bigger, stronger, and/or smarter than others your age do you use this fact to get your way or manipulate others?
  • Have you purposefully tried to make someone, even a friend, feel bad?

Related Posts:
Real Story: Her Pain Turned Into Something Beautiful
What To Do If You Are Being Bullied
(Video) The End of Bullying Begins With You
(Video) Bullying Prevention: Don’t Drink the Haterade

If you’ve answered yes, then you may be a bully. When you’re the bully you may experience feelings of worthlessness and you might even hate yourself. I want to encourage you to take the chance to stop being a bully, and here’s how:

1.  Apologize

Say you’re sorry to those you’ve bullied and follow it up by being friendly to them. They probably won’t trust you right away, but sooner or later they will see you’re for real.

2.  Boost YOUR self-esteem

Bullies often have low self-esteem themselves which is why it’s important to explore ways to boost your self-esteem. Find a new hobby, volunteer, get involved with a sport or in a group.

3.  Talk to someone

If you’re feeling like you’re having trouble controlling your feelings, such as anger, talk to someone. Your parents, a school counselor or teacher, or a friend.

Also remember that if you are being bullied yourself, responding with force and aggression is not the best way to end the cycle. Bullying a bully is still bullying.  Next week, I will address some methods on how to respond to bullies. I want to hear from you about bullying. Tell me your thoughts and questions on my facebook page.

For more information on bullying, download TheHopeLine’s eBook:

The Very Real Consequences of Cyberbullying

by Dawson McAllister

It’s all over the media…you’ve heard the tragic stories. Stories of teens and young adults ending their life after they’ve been bullied through social media sites. The consequences of cyber-bullying are very real. So I ask myself, why does this keep happening? We all know how damaging it is to spew hate across the internet, yet we continue to see it happen.

We all know how damaging it is to spew hate across the internet, yet we continue to see it happen. Click To Tweet

Let me ask you:

Have you read nasty comments directed toward how someone looks when they post a picture on Instagram?

Have you ever laughed along when you heard how someone pretended to have a crush on someone through text messaging, stringing them along until they deliver the crushing blow of …Are you kidding me, no one could ever really like you.

Have you seen pictures of parties posted where someone was intentionally left out and then comments made about how they were so glad that person wasn’t there and would never be invited?

Have you heard of a picture or video intended for one person suddenly going viral and ruining a reputation?

insideblogI don’t need to give more examples. You’ve seen it, haven’t you? You understand how it hurts, don’t you? The pain and public humiliation that is inflicted through cyberbullying is as real as the emotional trauma experienced through real-lifebullying. The biggest difference between the two is real-lifebullying often ends when school ends, but there is no escape from cyberbullying.

Related Posts:
Real Story: Her Pain Turned Into Something Beautiful
What To Do If You Are Being Bullied
(Video) The End of Bullying Begins With You
(Video) Bullying Prevention: Don’t Drink the Haterade

And here’s what really concerns me…most teens today base their value and their worth on how many likes, favorites, retweets, friends, followersthat they have. But what I want you to know…these things DO NOT determine your value. Your value comes in who you are as a person. How you love and treat others. And most importantly your status as a child of God who loves you completely just the way you are.

Here are 13 Facts* demonstrating the prevalence of Cyberbullying:

Nearly 43% of kids have been bullied online.

1 in 4 has had it happen more than once.

70% of students report seeing frequent bullying online.

Over 80% of teens use a cell phone regularly, making it the most common medium for cyber bullying.

68% of teens agree that cyber bullying is a serious problem.

81% of young people think bullying online is easier to get away with than bullying in person.

90% of teens who have seen social-media bullying say they have ignored it.

84% have seen others tell cyber bullies to stop.

Only 1 in 10 victims will inform a parent or trusted adult of their abuse.

Girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber bullying.

About 58% of kids admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online.

More than 4 out 10 say it has happened more than once.

About 75% have visited a website bashing another student.

*Stats from http://www.dosomething.org

What to do:

Bullies get their powerfrom how their victim responds/reacts. Never respond to the cyberbully. Block the person who is cyberbullying you. They can’t hurt you if they can’t reach you.

Bullies get their powerfrom how their victim reacts. Never respond to the #cyberbully. Click To Tweet

Take Action Immediately. Often times, schools cannot help when it comes to cyberbullying because it’s happening after hours and is out of their jurisdiction, but school authorities are not your only hope to stop the various types of bullying.

Keep the evidence of the cyberbullying (when it happened and what was said) and use this evidence to report the bully to the web & phone service providers. Cyberbullying often violates the terms and conditions of social media sites so ALWAYS report any abuse happening so they can take action against the user abusing their terms.

Cyberbullying that contains the following is a crime and should be reported to authorities: – Threatening violence – Pornography or sexually explicit messages/photos – Stalking & Hate crimes

Hey we all know it’s a problem. Let’s speak up and put a stop to cyberbullying. – Dawson McAllister

For more information on bullying, here’s a guide to understanding the types of bullying and cyberbullying and how to deal with it.

What to do if you are being bullied

by Dawson McAllister

If You Are Being Bullied: What To Do

Did you know that 1 in 7 students in grades K-12 are either a bully or a victim of bullying? Or how about the fact that 90% of 4th – 8th graders report being victims of bullying. If you are being bullied, you’re not alone.

Sometimes we’re bullies to our own friends and don’t even realize it. You have a group of friends and everyone is mad at one for some reason and you ostracize that person from your group. You say mean things, you make them feel left out on purpose, you see them coming and make it a point to show them that you’re ignoring them. A week or so later you all become friends again and are on to being mad at the next person. This is bullying.

Related Posts:
Real Story: Her Pain Turned Into Something Beautiful
(Video) The End of Bullying Begins With You
(Video) Bullying Prevention: Don’t Drink the Haterade

Let’s talk about exactly what Bullying is:

The dictionary defines bullying as, “someone who keeps doing or saying things to have power over another person.”

What is bullying?

Ways people bully are name calling, saying/writing nasty things about another, making them feel left out of activities on purpose for malicious reasons, making a noticeable point to not talk to them, making someone feel uncomfortable or scared, taking/damaging their belongings, making people do something they don’t want to do. Hitting, kicking, knocking things out of one’s hands, pushing, shoving, etc. are also bullying.

There are a lot of reasons why someone bullies. They may see it as a way to be in control when many things in their world are spiraling out of control. Others may bully because they feel it makes them popular or they think others find it funny and they are trying to entertain. Some bullies bully because that’s the only way they can get attention. It could also be because they are jealous of the person they’re bullying. They may be getting bullied themselves and so they bully others that they perceive as weaker. Some bullies don’t even understand that they’re bullying or how the person they bully truly feels.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE BEING BULLIED:

 1. Do Not Fight Back!

It can be hard, and some may tell you to fight back, but it’s never the answer. If you give in to a bully and fight back, you may get in trouble instead of the bully! Don’t bully a bully, because in the end you become a bully yourself.

2. Tell The Bully To Stop And Calmly Walk Away.

Believe it or not, this can be very effective. Practice with a friend, an adult, or with yourself in a mirror on things you can say. Practice saying it in a firm and direct way with confidence in your voice. Believing in yourself and telling others what you think can earn you respect and encourage others to stand up for themselves as well.

3. Tell An Adult.

Many times we fear telling someone because we don’t want to look weak or feel embarrassed. It may be scary at first, but an adult can help stop the bullying and make things better. If the person gets in trouble, that’s their problem because it was their fault for bullying. Not yours!

4. Know It’s Not Your Fault.

No one deserves to be bulliedEVER! No matter what is going on in your life, being bullied is not your fault. Either try to stop it with the above tips or with the help of an adult. Don’t ignore the problem and hope it will go away. Bullies bully because they can. Make it so they can’t.

5. Be STRONG!

Bullies like upsetting people because it makes them feel powerful. Be in control so that the bully isn’t. Confidence and having good self-esteem will help, but even if you don’t feel that way in the moment, acting like you do will help. Others can’t tell how you’re feeling or what’s going on in your head unless you show them. Even faking confidence and acting like you aren’t afraid will help the situation, and maybe next time you won’t need to fake it. You may find that you’re pretty good at handling bullies and are able to help others when the bully finds their next victim.

We’re all in this together, let’s start acting like it. Always keep in mind, “If you don’t have anything nice to say to someone, then don’t say anything at all.” And remember the golden rule: “Treat others the way you would want them to treat you.”

For more information on bullying, here’s a guide to understanding the types of bullying and cyberbullying and how to deal with it. 

 

–> Tell me what you have to say about bullying. Tell me your thoughts, encouragement and advice for those being bullied, your personal story with bullying, and kind words to encourage someone to stop being a bully.

5 Things to Think and Do When you Hate Yourself

by Dawson McAllister

Girl holding her head because she hates herself. What to do when you hate yourself from TheHopeLine

Do You Truly Hate Yourself?

Self-hate is a dark, black hole in our soul that can be easy to fall into, but difficult to get out of. Last week I wrote about some of the reasons why people hate themselves. I want to give you some things to do when you feel like you hate yourself and you say things like, “I hate myself, I’m no good, I’m so stupid, or I’m worthless.”

The truth is you are NONE of those things. But it’s easy to think you are, especially if you have been believing all these negative thoughts about yourself.

So what do you do to climb out of the dark hole in your soul?

1) Decide what you want to change about yourself

Nobody can make you love you other than you! It’s your responsibility to rearrange your thinking away from all the negative stuff you’ve been thinking, and think more positive thoughts about yourself. It’s often been said, “If I think better, I will act better. And if I act better, I will feel better.”

Cody wrote: I‘ve found that sometimes our greatest enemy is ourselves. And the way we think can hurt worse than any words. And when left with nothing but your own thoughts, and if those thoughts are negative, self-hate is born.

It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. But try it! And if you stick with it, you soon will see you’re feeling better about yourself.

If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today.

It takes a real effort to turn negative self-defeating thoughts into positive life-changing ones. #hateyourself Click To Tweet

2) Figure out what you CAN change and do it!

IF you hate yourself, is there a specific thing that you hate? If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don’t like your weight you can start eating properly, and getting exercise TODAY! Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You’ll be amazed how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.

Don’t obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change, and ask God to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve!) some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realizing they have the ability to change their situation. Don’t get stuck in that trap!

3) Build up your self-esteem

Make a list of your 10 best qualities:

Can’t think of 10? There are more than you think, but try starting with one. For example, I am a loyal friend or I care about others, or I am in touch with how I feel, or I have a lot to offer my friends, or I am a good listener, etc.

Then add to the list.

Find out what your friends and family value about you. You might be surprised to find out what the people who love you see in you! As you begin to dwell on the good things you offer, your confidence will grow.

Others will take note of it because you will have made yourself more attractive.

Betsy wrote: Since I stood up for something, people started to respect me and I was able to find confidence in myself. You can’t please everyone, so focus on making yourself proud before you expect anyone else to be proud of you.

Each day, find something to do that makes you feel proud of yourself. Discover the things you love, try new things, go new places. Make some short-term and long-term goals.

Decide that you will never say the words, “I Hate Myself” ever again. Those words are toxic. Why hate yourself? When in reality there is a lot in you worth loving.

Why Do You Hate Yourself?

4) Use gratitude as a weapon against self-hatred

You will find people who dwell on the positive things in their life…things for which they are grateful, are usually much happier than those who don’t.

Negative thoughts, mixed with worry, make a person miserable to live with.

So if you are tired of hearing the same old, negative thoughts, make a daily list of the things you are grateful for, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly your attitude begins to change.

Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel grateful for that day…maybe it was delicious pancakes for breakfast, a smile from a friend, nice weather, could be something as simple as the color of the grass, or a good grade on a quiz. It doesn’t have to be what you know you should be thankful for, but something that you actually feel grateful for.

Challenge yourself to reflect each day for just a minute or two about what you feel #grateful for that day. Click To Tweet

5) Remember God loves you

The most powerful way to overcome self-hate is to focus on God’s love. After all, if God loves you, and He does with all of your faults and hurts, it should make it easier for us to accept ourselves. Let God change what He wants to change, and you’ll feel much better about your life.

God made you very unique. And it’s this uniqueness that makes you special.

Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Angie wrote: It’s very easy to find reasons to believe I am of no value to anyone, or to God. But I am of value because God loves me, even if no one else does.

As you start believing in yourself more, you’ll have more good days than bad. It’s easy to find the negative, so look for the positive in each situation. And most importantly, keep your faith in God this will help lead you to the happiness you seek. Please stop hating someone God loves so much. YOU!!

Don’t stay in that place of self-hate, it’s going to take time to change what you think about yourself but it’s possible.  Check out one of my other blogs about self-hate: What to Do When Your Hate Yourself.

And check out this guest blog to start to begin to change this part of your life: 6 Steps To Change Your Life.

Protecting Your Online Reputation

by Dawson McAllister

How Is Your Online Reputation?

These last few weeks I’ve been blogging about the power of words. You no doubt have experienced how careless and cruel words hurt others and tear apart the closest of friends. Unfortunately, words have the power to even destroy someone’s reputation.

A blogger wrote: All my life I have been talked and gossiped about, and still am, behind my back. I just ignore them and walk away but sometimes I wonder what is the problem with me and what have I done to deserve being talked badly about.

Even though no one can have complete control over what others say or think about them, it is possible to do some things that can protect your reputation, and possibly prevent people from gossiping about you.

The Internet, in particular, has the potential to define the reputation of a person for good or bad. What people see or read about you online influences their opinion of you. So the very best thing you can do to protect your reputation is to manage your online presence.

How can you do that?

Simple Ways To Protect Your Online Reputation

  • Take down anything that it is inappropriate online and put up what you would like others to know about you.
  • Don’t post inappropriate or sexual comments or photos on social media sites. Whatever you post on the web is painting a picture of who you are. You never know who is going to see something you post on the web. What might seem like an inside joke between you and a good friend can be misinterpreted by someone on the outside, including potential future employers. Information online is often permanent and searchable.
  • Don’t post music, lyrics or images that are violent, sexual, or drug-related.While you may know you don’t do drugs, or that you’re not violent, someone who doesn’t know you might find it easy to think you arethey might not get the joke.
  • Don’t use email addresses with sexual overtones, and don’t send sexual texts or photos through your phone or email. You might think you’re only sending it to one person, but you never can know for sure who they will think should see it. Nothing on the Internet or sent through phones is truly private, it can all be traced. And remember, everything you do online is sending a message to others about who you are. Cierra said:If you want to protect your reputation you have to think about if I do this just once, do I want people knowing about it or thinking of me in this way? I know you shouldn’t care about what others think, but there are times when it’s okay to.

Think about what you are showing others by what you say and the way you act.

Think about what you are showing others by what you say and the way you act, not only online but offline. People are watching and making judgments about what kind of person you by what you show them. As you begin to understand this, you are better able to act in ways that will enhance your reputation rather than damage it.

I’m so excited you are reading my blogs. I write them for you with the hope it will help you in some way. Thank you Jolene for your encouraging words: I love how Dawson tells how gossip really hurts. Other blog sites just gossip, this one tells us how hurtful it can be. I am so glad that Dawson is down-to-earth.

Next week, I am starting a very important series about suicide and I need your help. Please tell me your story about suicide and suicidal thoughts.

  • Why do so many people have suicidal thoughts?
  • Have you ever considered committing suicide? Why?
  • What stopped you from going through with your plans?
  • Have you ever had a friend commit suicide? How did that affect you?

Please comment here on this blog and let me know your thoughts. It will help me greatly with my writing.

Thank you!
Dawson

The Danger of Gossip

by Dawson McAllister

What You Should Know About The Danger Of Gossip

It’s been said, knowledge is power. Unfortunately, many people like to spread damaging information or intimate details about others, whether true or not. This is what is called gossip. It used to be that people called gossip, dishing the dirt. Whatever it’s called, people use gossip to hurt people, in order to feel good about themselves, and to feel like they have power over others.

If you know something juicy someone did over the weekend, it’s easy to feel like you have to tell others. We especially like it when we hear something that makes someone look bad. Celebrity bloggers and gossip magazines make millions of dollars off of this unfortunate reality. I’m sure you’ve encountered gossip. Some people seem to thrive on it.

 

It’s time for you to decide you don’t want to have any part of it.

The most dangerous part about gossip is that it steals another person’s reputation. A reputation is very fragile. When you gossip, you are helping to destroy something extremely valuable. An anonymous blogger wrote: After telling my best friend, it leaked that I tried [cutting] once. Everyone thought I was even more of a freak.

If you think it’s time for you to decide you don’t want to have any part of gossip, here are some tips on how to do it

1) Make a commitment you’re not going to gossip.
Even though the temptation to gossip is powerful, you will always win when you choose not to use it. And really, with all gossip, there’s no way of knowing for sure what is true or not. Paul wrote: I admit that I love spreading rumors. It’s all about telling lies about someone you don’t like. It usually works. That’s the problem, it does work, almost every time.

 

The most dangerous part about gossip is that it steals another person’s reputation.

2) Don’t listen to others when they gossip
Gossip grows an audience. You simply being there listening to it adds to its appeal. If someone starts to tell you something gossipy, say, I’m sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about this person when they’re not here to defend themselves.Not only will you break the gossip chain, but you also will gain the trust of other people, as someone who won’t spread rumors.

 

With all gossip, there’s no way of knowing what is truth or lies.

3) Don’t judge people based on gossip.
If you should hear gossip about someone you don’t know, you have two choices: allow the gossip to determine what you believe, or let your own personal experience determine what you think. The first time you have an experience with someone that is contrary to the gossip you’ve heard, you’ll be a lot more careful about spreading or believing gossip the next time you hear it.

Katy wrote: My best friend is someone who people used to say really bad things about. But once I got to know her, I learned the truth about her. I’m so glad I gave her a chance.

4) Think before you speak.
Before you repeat something you’ve heard about another person, think: does this really do any good for me to spread this information? Or am I just trying to be in the know?Is the information even true? Could I be hurting someone by telling this, even if it’s true? If the person you are talking to is not part of the problem, or part of the solution, there’s no need to tell them anything.

 

Don’t associate with people who find such great joy in belittling others.

5) Stay away from people who gossip to youthey will gossip about you. Don’t associate with people who find such great joy in belittling others. Be very careful about what you choose to tell these people. If it’s a close friend, you might consider saying how you want to stop spreading gossip, and that you’d really like her help.

There’s an old saying, stick and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.That’s not true. Being gossiped about can be extremely painful. If you don’t want it done to you, don’t do it to others. In the end, it never pays to gossip.

Next week, I’m going to write about what you can do to rebuild a bad reputationdestroyed by gossip, and then I’ll follow that up with ways you can protect your reputation. What have you done to repair a bad reputation? Please tell me your story. I look forward to hearing from you.