TheHopeLine

Lust

Pornography Addiction: Being a Muslim to Christianity

Pornography-addiction-a-muslim-then-becoming-a-Christian

Before I Became a Christian and Pornography Addiction

My life before Jesus Christ is an interesting story. I was not brought up as a Christian. I used to be a Muslim.  When I was 9 years old, my family moved from Iran where I was born and raised and came to Texas due to a job offer my dad got. In middle school, I started to lose my faith and relationship with God. All of the issues in the world, especially the issues of terrorism and wars over religion caused me to stop believing in religion. I began to just focus on my selfish desires and going after immoral things.  I began to develop a problem with pornography addiction. When I entered high school, my main focus was on pornography and sex chat rooms, instead of God or my studies.

God Used a Movie to Get My Attention

I had lost hope in living my life.  I would ask God to end my life, so I could burn in hell and be punished for my sins. Then everything changed when I saw the movie, Son of God.  God used that movie to help me regain my interest and desire for religion. After watching the movie, Son of God, I asked one of my friends if he knew of good churches in our area. He invited me to go with him to his Baptist church that Sunday. At first, I thought he was joking with me, but he was serious. When I went to that church, I fell in love with it and with God’s Word. After that experience, I decided to become a Christian. So on Easter 2014, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior!

My main focus was on pornography and sex chat rooms. I lost hope. Then I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. Click To Tweet

My Family Was Against my Faith

When my family found out, they argued with me and tried to convince me that Christ is just a prophet, not the son of God.  They wanted me to wait until I was 18 to become a Christian.

However, on August 10th I was baptized against my family’s will. My older brother threatened that I would be dead to him if I got baptized. However, I still did it because that was God’s will for me. My life after accepting Christ has not been easy. I keep getting persecuted for my faith. Every time I do something wrong, my parents tell me how can you do this and be a Christian or go to church.

7 Steps Towards A Porn-Free Life

God’s Message to Me

I have had times in my life where I thought God has given up on me, but through prayer and reading the Bible I was able to learn more about God’s great love for me. In my life, I feel I have had many miracles.

My first miracle was on Christmas Eve.  At the end of the service, I heard God’s voice in my head saying, come home Reza, come home again to me. After I heard that voice, I went and prayed with a pastor. My second miracle was a time when God told me who I am.  He showed me that I am his child that He loves me and has great plans for me. Another time God spoke to me through his Word.  He told me that I should let him work things out with my brother. The most recent miracle came at a time when I was feeling depressed. As I prayed, I saw Jesus giving me his hand. It was as if he was saying, “put your trust in me and I will help you get through this day.”

What I have I learned from being a Christian is that, if it is God’s will, it will happen, no matter what. My favorite Bible verses are –

Romans 6:14, “For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law but under grace.”

Romans 6:23 says: “For the wages of sin is death, but Gods free gift is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.”

In Christ Alone, Reza

Are you struggling with an addiction to pornography, know there is hope and Jesus loves you. Through His grace, you are forgiven and you can overcome your addiction. Download TheHopeLine’s free eBook today.

Photo Credit: Ashkan Forouzani

How To Move On From Your Ex : EP 17

Getting Over Your Ex is Not Easy

In This Episode:

You’ve been in a relationship with someone and now that relationship is over. You have ties to that person which are hard to break. Sometimes, it’s tremendously harder to move on from them than you thought it would be. If you’re having a hard time moving on from your ex, join me as I speak with Anthony, Jessica, and Keith, each of them trying to get over their ex! You might just find some advice that works for you as well.

I Can’t Stop Thinking About Her

Anthony’s ex-girlfriend told his current girlfriend he was cheating on her with her (his ex).  His girlfriend believed his ex, so they decided to break it off and just be friends. But now, Anthony can’t stop thinking about her.

Anthony thought his relationship with his girlfriend was much stronger than it turned out to be. They had only been in a relationship a few months. It was hardly enough time for them to build a solid foundation. Every relationship is tested in some way. When their relationship was tested, it crumbled.

What Anthony’s ex did was wrong. No one, including Anthony needs their reputation trashed. But in the end, it became a blessing. It helped bring to light the trust issues his girlfriend had and his obsessiveness in their relationship.

They both had their reasons for breaking up and agreed they needed to be just friends. But, once Anthony realized the relationship with his girlfriend was truly over, he began to obsess. He became emotionally overwhelmed with what he could not have, which was her.

What he needed to do was go back over the reasons they decided to break up to begin with. All the reasons are still there. He should let his obsessive feelings go, even though he doesn’t feel like it. The sooner he lets go, the quicker he will stop obsessing over his ex-girlfriend. And the sooner he’ll be able to walk away completely.

Can't stop thinking about your ex? You can walk away completely. @dawsonradio #relationships Click To Tweet

He Broke Up with Me and I Didn’t Take It Well

Jessica’s boyfriend broke up with her but she knew there was still something between them. He started dating a girl 10 days after breaking up with her. Then a bit later, Jessica and he started having sex even though he was with another girl. Jessica said she’s still wants him so she’s willing to put up with being used. The problem is that whatever he’s saying to Jessica, he’s staying to this other girl. Whatever he’s doing to Jessica, he’s doing to his girlfriend as well.

So, many people know their relationship is over but they try to prop it up anyway. Most of the time it doesn’t work and ends up in a lot of heartache. In Jessica’s case, she tried to prop up her relationship with her ex with sex.

Jessica is shifting the blame and saying it’s okay for her to have sex with her ex, because this other girl took her boyfriend away from her. What she’s saying is, I’m willing to disrespect myself to get what I need which is feeling loved by him again.

Instead, Jessica needs to stop having sex with her ex so she can walk away with self-respect. Sex will not meet her deepest needs or bring her boyfriend back. Her ex doesn’t have the capacity to meet her deepest needs. He became tired of her before, and he’ll get tired of her again. People ask too much of their exes. They ask them to meet needs only God can meet.

If you want to know more about having a meaningful relationship with God, check out my podcast episode number 9.  You can hear how Ronnie’s life was changed and how yours can too.

People know their #relationship is over but they try to prop it up anyway with #sex. @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

I Can’t Find Reasons To Move On

Keith feels stuck in a rut. He split up with his girlfriend 2 years ago. They were 6 months away from being married but things deteriorated and their relationship ended. Keith keeps thinking about what could have been if they hadn’t broken up. He said he can’t find reasons to move on.

If you are not over your ex after 2 years, something is wrong. What could keep him obsessing that long?

It’s because they became serious way too quickly. They were acting like they were married, but the relationship did not hold together. Once you start acting like you’re married, you’re in deep. It may be fun to act that way, but it causes a lot of pressure on the relationship. Slow down, the action will happen soon enough.

There is a common problem with people who can’t get over their ex: 

  • They are not remembering their ex the way they really were.
  • They are remembering a fantasy of their ex.
  • They keep the fantasy going by saving all the mementos of their ex.

It’s difficult to throw away memories of the past but Keith will continue to have a difficult time with his emotions if he doesn’t.

Walking away isn’t easy when you thought you were in love but in reality, you weren’t. It’s the truth that sets us free. It’s time for Keith to believe the truth his relationship is over so he can get on with the rest of his life. There is so much more to live for.

Walking away isn’t easy when you thought you were in love but in reality, you weren’t. @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Just about everybody will walk away from an ex at one time or another. So many people living in the past, obsessing over something that wasn’t even a reality. Ask yourself, am I living in the truth or am I in a fantasy? That’s a difficult question to answer but if you can answer yourself truthfully then you can get on with the rest of your life.

Resources for Getting Over Your Ex:

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on gambling addiction. The love of money is so gripping, it can cause us to wander away from God and lead us into all kinds of trouble, where we have broken hearts with many sorrows. And we don’t just break our own hearts but also those near to us. In this episode I speak with Mike, Paris, and David each of them dealing with troubles, stemming from their gambling addictions.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Lust Invaded Breanna’s Relationship: EP 4

How to Stop Lust from Invading Your Life.

In This Episode:

Everyone who’s currently dating or hopes to have a relationship, needs to ask themselves this question… Am I allowing desire to take over my relationships or even my life? Lust is extremely powerful and often misunderstood, causing all kinds of confusion. Some people get caught up in the excitement and have no idea where it’s going to take them or how dangerous it is.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

The effects of lust can have lasting effects on you and your life. Breanna’s relationship fell apart after she decided to have sex. Have you had a relationship fail because of lust? Maybe you’ve lusted after something, like money, food, beauty, sex, etc. I hope this episode helps you see more clearly where you may struggle with lust so that you can begin to deal with it.

Resources for help with lust:

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

The next episode is about how to know when you’re in love.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Guard Your Heart Dating Relationships

by Dawson McAllister

guard-your-heart-boyfriend-girlfriend

Have you been told, “Always guard your heart”?

Be sure to guard your heart can be good advice. But I find it a little vague. It begs the question, “what precisely am I guarding my heart from? And how would I go about protecting it?” I would like to spend some time looking into these questions further because if we can figure out how to protect our hearts, I believe we can avoid a lot of pain and problems.

So first…What do you need to guard your heart from? I believe the main thing that we are protecting our hearts from is believing lies from the world…lies about:

  • our value
  • what brings happiness
  • how to spend our time
  • what is good
  • what is beautiful
  • what’s most important
  • who’s most important, etc.

So then how do you guard your heart from all these lies?

Related Posts:
How To Find A Meaningful Relationship
4 Ways To Avoid Heartbreak
8 Signs Your Relationship Is Unhealthy

Well this may sound too simple, but we need to fill our hearts with TRUTH and believe it, so that when a LIE comes our way we are ready to fight it off with the Truth.

In all my years working with teens and young adults I have combatted so many lies that have caused extreme heartache.  I would like to tackle many of these lies in a blog series called Guard your heart.

So let’s start today with the first thing that comes to most people’s mind when they think of protecting their hearts…dating relationships.

Lie #1 – I am valuable only when I have a boyfriend/girlfriend who says they love me.

  • Truth – You are valuable because you are fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves you. Your value does not depend on another person’s opinion of you.
  • Heart Protection – By believing this truth, your heart is protected from feeling worthless when a relationship ends. I recently heard it said, If you live for someone’s praise, you die by their rejection.Know that your boyfriend/girlfriend didn’t define your value. God does.

Lie #2 – I can ignore my boyfriend/girlfriend’s bad behaviors. I will be able to change them.

  • Truth – A disrespectful person will most likely stay disrespectful, an addict will often stay an addict, a cheater will often stay a cheater until THEY decide to change. You can encourage someone to make better choices, support them and pray for them, but don’t think your love alone will change them.
  • Heart Protection –  When you believe this truth, you won’t ignore bad behaviors and naively believe the other person will change. You will protect your heart from getting too deep into a relationship with someone who will hurt you.

Lie #3 – Having sex is no big deal.  Everybody’s doing it.

  • Truth – Sex is a big deal. It is not just a physical act. It is deeply emotional. Rushing into sex because of raging hormones clouds your judgment of the other person and can lead to a relationship built on nothing more than lust. You are strong enough to wait.
  • Heart Protection – If you believe the truth that you are strong enough and worthy enough to wait to have sex until you are married, you will save your heart from feeling empty or perhaps used or cheap when the relationship ends. Read more on my blog A Condom for the Heart 

Start planting these three truths in your heart today and save yourself a lot of heartache!
Next in the series – Two more lies people believe in dating relationships  

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.

Sexting? It’s not a private conversation…

by Dawson McAllister

39% of teens are sexting

A recent study found that 20% of teenagers have sent or posted online nude or semi-nude photos or videos of themselves. And an incredible 39% have sent or posted sexually suggestive emails or text messages! Most of these are being sent to boyfriends/girlfriends, but others say they are sending these pics and texts to someone they want to hook up with, or maybe even someone they only know online.

Sexting is sending, receiving or forwarding naked or provocative photos by your cell phone. It has become incredibly popular in recent years. What do you think about sexting? Why do you think so many people are doing it?

It’s a huge rush, sharing the most personal part of yourself with another person.

Cassie shared her reasons for sexting: I think us girls do it because we think we have to. It’s a way to get a boy’s attention and show him what we got, and get him to like us more. Looking back, I regret it and wish I didn’t. I think the boys might actually lose respect for you.

People sext because it’s so easy to do. It also has an element of risk to it. It’s a huge rush, sharing the most personal part of yourself with another person. You don’t really know how they’re going to respond to it. Will it turn them on, or off? Will they like you more, or less?

Abigail tells why she sends sext messages: My compulsion towards sexting is similar to young girls who are promiscuous; I look for male affection in the wrong places. I seek it from boys who only like parts of me instead of all of me. It can easily become an addiction as strong as drugs or alcohol.

Here are some things to think about before you take the plunge into sexting:

This is a great way to have people assume, and even expect, that you’re more open to having sex than you are.

1) Nothing you send or post stays private. It might seem harmless enough, just sending a dirty, flirtatious picture of yourself to your bf/gf’s phone. But before you can say, For Your Eyes Only,more people have seen you in your underwear than you ever dreamed. Anna said: If you want every one of your boyfriend’s friends, and maybe more, to see your naked body then go for it. My boyfriend asked me for that and I said no and he respected that. My view is that one day I will go far in life and I don’t want sexting’ to be revealed now or ever.

It might seem fun in the moment, but your flirty pics may be searchable by anyone on the planet for years to come. You can’t control what other people post online, or where they choose to send or post your dirty pictures.

3) Your joking around might be misunderstood. Just because, in your mind, your text or pic is meant to be fun, doesn’t mean the person who gets it will see it that way. Not to mention all the others who may see it as well. This is a great way to have people assume, and even expect, that you’re more open to having sex than you are. You may end up ruining your own reputation, simply for a few cheap thrills.

4) It’s impossible to be completely anonymous. If you’re sending pics online to a complete stranger, thinking they will never find out who you really are, or where you live, think again. Even though you may be disguising facts about your name, age, location, etc., it’s easy for online predators to find out who and where you are.

Legally, the consequences can be drastic.

5) Legally, the consequences could be drastic. Some states are really cracking down on sextingdeclaring that sexting photos of someone who is a minor (even yourself!) is considered a felony. You can even end up getting labeled as a sex offender.That label would follow you for the rest of your life.

It may be very tempting to give in to a bf/gf’s request for you to sext them. But, whatever you do, don’t give in to their pressure. Almost half the people who sext, say they do it because of pressure from other people. Amber says this is what happened to her: I had guys ask me for pictures and I gave in cause they told me they loved me and I believed them.

You are worth far more than simply a sexy picture on a phone.

Jessica finds herself in the same position: My bf is always asking me for nude pics and I tell him no, and then he wants to break up with me when I don’tso I give in.How sad. Jessica was used and emotionally bullied by some guy who doesn’t even love her. It’s not worth it. It will never be worth it. The damage will far outweigh the supposed benefits. So don’t do it. You are worth far more than simply a sexy picture on a phone.

Check out our eBook for more information about how to overcome the destructive addiction to pornography.

Are You Being Pressured Into Having Sex?

by Dawson McAllister

pressure sex

Feeling pressured to have sex in a dating relationship is common, but not acceptable.

In a recent survey, 61% of all teenage girls say they are being pressured to have sex with their boyfriends. And guys are also pressured to have sex with their girlfriends.

Love never demands someone to do something that would violate another.

Many of those who are pressured into having sex give in to it mostly because of the overwhelming fear of losing the person they really care about, if they don’t agree to have sex. I find that very often people who end up having a sexual relationship are simply doing whatever they think needs to be done to hold on to their bf/gf. In the end, some bargain away their bodies in their attempt to keep the relationship going. But in the process they lose their self-respect and gain the very real possibility of unwanted pregnancy, diseases, rape, bad reputation, and of course, a broken heart.

Some bargain away their bodies in their attempt to keep the relationship going. #relationshipprobs Click To Tweet

Becca has learned this the hard way, I was recently violated by a guy who I thought was a really great guy, but then he started pressuring me and now I hate him for it. We aren’t even talking anymore. If you’re a guy and you read this, can you please take this seriously and please respect the girl that you like and please don’t violate her! It can really make a big difference in anyone’s life.

What can you do if you’re feeling pressured to have sex?

If you are being pressured to have sex, realize this is a huge red flag. Below are four thoughtful responses to the pressure- both to realize for yourself and to explain to your boyfriend or girlfriend.

1. Know where you stand in your convictions

Most people with strong values have a clear understanding of what they believe and are far less susceptible to giving in to things they don’t want to do.

Do you want to be a person who waits until they are married to have sex? It’s important to define for yourself why this important to you.

Are you aware of the power sex has to arouse deep emotions? Are you willing and able to bear the responsibility of a child?

Without strong convictions, the person you date could push their value system (or lack of!) onto you. Before you start talking to a guy or girl, make sure you know what you believe and why. This will be extremely helpful when you’re being pressured.

Juli wrote: It is easy to give in and say ‘yes’ but we have to prepare ahead of time so we can say ‘no.’ If you just wait until the moment, you easily cave in. My boyfriend pressured me so much and I gave in. I wish I hadn’t and I won’t again.

Related Posts:
How To Find A Meaningful Relationship
How To Know It’s Really Love
4 Ways To Avoid Heartbreak
8 Signs Your Relationship Is Unhealthy

2. Talk about your Decision to Save Sex for Marriage

pressure to have sexExplain your desire to not have sex with your bf/gf.  Tell them that it has nothing to do with a lack of feelings, or your level of commitment. In fact, you like your bf/gf so much you don’t want to ruin a great relationship by having sex. This conversation takes a lot of courage because your pressuring partner may refuse to understand what you are saying. They may take it personally, or get mad and walk away. Nonetheless, the person who can talk things out is far happier than those who keep things deeply hidden.

Madison said: My boyfriend keeps trying to get me to do stuff with him, such as kiss him, or have sex. I made a promise to God, my mom and my family that I wouldn’t do anything with a guy until I get married. My boyfriend always thinks that the reason I don’t want to do things with him is because I don’t like him which is so far from the truth.

If your boyfriend is really “a keeper,” he will understand and respect your decision.

3. While Waiting, Learn What Real Love Is

The term “love” is one of the most misunderstood and abused words in the dictionary. Sometimes, when a guy says to a girl, “I love you,” he is really saying, “I don’t love you, I love me and what sexual favors you do for me.” Love never demands someone to do something that would violate another. Love does not trash someone else’s deeply held values. Love is patient, and is willing to wait for the right time and the right person. Loves always looks after the other person first. Love is never selfish. When a guy really loves a girl, he will do everything he can to protect her.

Mandy wrote: [When I have sex,] I feel loved and wanted, that’s why I give in. Hoping that something will come out of it and it never does. If I can feel wanted, even if it’s in a sexual way, I like it, but yet on the other hand, I don’t. For the relatively few brief moments she is having sex, Mandy somehow feels loved. But after it’s over and she is alone again, those empty words leave her unfulfilled and searching for more. Mandy is confused about what love really is.

Someone once said, “Love can always wait to give. Lust can’t wait to get.”

Love can always wait to give. Lust can't wait to get. #sex #relationships Click To Tweet

A lot of guys will say they love their girlfriend and think that if she really loved him, she would have sex with him. Either he doesn’t know what love is, or he’s lying about loving her. It’s easy to believe a lie when you want to. It is not easy to face the consequences of believing that lie.

4. Know When to Move On

Gury and Girl pressure If the pressure for sex does not let up, get rid of him or her. If you are being pressured to have sex, realize this is a huge red flag that something isn’t right in your relationship. It is far better for you to lose your relationship, than to do something you will later regret.

Alli wrote: Three days into the “relationship” he started hinting that he wanted to make out with me. Then 6 days into the “relationship” we made out and then he started talking about sex. He tried to pressure me into it. He kept trying to do stuff, and I told him to stop. I didn’t give in, but I ended up breaking up with him the next day. Allie is smart. She knows that if your boyfriend is really “a keeper,” he will understand and respect your decision. Remember, most pressured relationships are not love, but rather, they are just uncovered needs, fantasy, confusion, and selfishness.

Heather wrote: [My boyfriend] knew I was insecure and vulnerable. I think that’s why he pressured me so much. He made it sound as if it was my obligation.

Some people won’t go into a relationship unless they know they will be able to have sex. Be prepared to be rejected. Just remember you won’t die, and in the end the respect you will have for yourself, and the pain avoided, will be well worth it.

The Bottom Line – It’s Your Body

You don’t ever have to do anything with your body you don’t want to do. Sex is not an indicator of love, or even of your level of commitment in a relationship. Sex is not an obligation. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. May God give you a boyfriend or girlfriend who deeply respects you.

You don't have to do anything with your body you don't want to do. Sex is not an indicator of love Click To Tweet

If you need help to stop getting into bad dating relationships and to find the right one, check out our eBook: Understanding Dating Relationships.

Disadvantages of Diving Into a Dating Relationship Too Soon

by Dawson McAllister

Diving in to a dating relationship too soon

Meeting someone who suddenly makes you feel alive and loved is very exciting.

You may think no one has ever made you feel like this and you can’t help but be amazed at the chemistry, or electricity between you and this new love. Many relationships start this way. But sadly those involved don’t take the time to get to know each other before jumping into something serious.

Often these kinds of relationships built on infatuation can die as quickly as they spring up. Wikipedia defines infatuation as: the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual desire, and or anxiety, in which there is an extreme absorption in another.

The truth is, this feeling of urgency and intensity or strong attraction toward another person is not necessarily a reliable indicator of whether you are in love or should immediately dive into a serious dating relationship.

Related Posts:
How To Find A Meaningful Relationship
How To Know It’s Really Love
4 Ways To Avoid Heartbreak
8 Signs Your Relationship Is Unhealthy

The wisest man in the bible, King Solomon said, Guard your affections, for out of them come the issues of life. I see far too many people jumping into relationships and not guarding their affections, only to become confused, disillusioned, and devastated. We need to keep telling ourselves the basic truths of a healthy and truly loving relationship.

The Best Dating Relationships Develop out of Great Friendships

Finding a meaningful relationship takes time. While you spend time getting to know someone as a friend, you are able to see more clearly whether they are right for you and you for them. There is no more valuable friend to a dating relationship than time. But sadly, many people want to feel that rush of emotion that makes them feel like they are in love. So they push hard and quickly to feel that overwhelming emotion that says, I am in love. But is it really love?

Rushing into a relationship is always a mistake.

Be patient with the process.

Impatience is a sure sign of relational immaturity that will lead to hurt unimaginable.

The truth is that the best dating relationships develop out of great friendships.

Riah describes how rushing into a relationship has a lot of disadvantages: “First, if you go too far you could get hurt mentally because of a bad break-up, and physically you could get an STD or something. Just because a guy says they like something about you doesn’t mean you need to get in a relationship. Some guys can talk but it doesn’t mean you need to fall head over heels for them. Because then you gave your heart away way too fast and you’re open to be hurt very easily. To me that is like settling for anything and you shouldn’t settle for less than the best. Don’t rush into something that you didn’t even have time to think about.” 

People don’t fall in love, they fall in ditches.

When you rush into a romantic relationship you:

  • Say things you don’t mean.
  • Make promises you can’t keep.
  • Dig a hole that’s hard to get out of.
  • Arouse expectations you can’t fulfill.
  • Trust your feelings rather than the truth.
  • Find it easy to make wrong choices.
  • Don’t give the relationship time to grow in a healthy way.
  • Keep looking for more emotional thrills and then invite the curse of boredom into the relationship, where everything normal starts to feel boring.
  • End up spending too much time with the one you’re dating, and excluding your friends.
  • Believe in the myth of love at first sight. There’s no such thing. There’s good chemistry at first sight, but not love at first sight. People don’t fall in love, they fall in ditches.

Misplaced Hunger for Love can Hurt You

The picture of relationships we see on television or in the movies doesn’t allow us to see the time and commitment it takes to build a solid foundation. After a 22 minute episode or a 90 minute movie we are left thinking the most romantic relationships happen very quickly, are extremely intense and will last forever. The fact is that strong relationships develop slowly over time with much hard work and commitment. 

Most students I talk to on my show, Dawson McAllister Live, are so anxious to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, sometimes just to feel loved. While it is a great thrill to meet someone you connect with, or feel attracted to, don’t let your hunger for love throw you into a situation that is going to distract and hurt you.

Amber is honest when she admits her need to always be in a relationship: “I’m quick to open my heart too early because I lack that something. I’m always told that I act immature in relationships and I tend to push them over the edge. I do not trust men and I feel the need to test them to see if they will hurt me. When a girl is hurt by a male or she lives life with an absent father figure, there is a void in her soul and she searches high and low to fill it. If it even RESEMBLES a small taste of what has been missing, she grabs it, not being logical in her actions but so emotionally consumed that filling that void is all she sees.”

Just Slow Down

I have talked to thousands of teenagers and young adults who keep making the same mistake over and over again. I tell myself if I can just get some of these tragic souls to slow down and get a hold of themselves, I can save them hours of unnecessary drama and needless suffering.

Just remember what Jessica has to say: “Don’t jump in too quick, get to know the guy first. Talk to people who know him and that will help you see the real him. Make sure he has a good relationship with his family. That can tell a lot about a guy, especially the way he treats his mother.” 

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: 

Understanding Dating Relationships: eBook

Comparing Love vs. Lust

by Dawson McAllister

Unhappy girl on a bed. An object of Lust

Love Gives, Lust Takes

A relationship based on lust can be devastating. It’s impossible to know how many people’s lives have been really messed up because of lust. I do know lust has left a lot of people as hurting victims. Amy sent me a poem this week about lust. It’s pretty deep. Got me thinking. Thought you might like it.

I desire in the moment, not in the heart
I chose to spend a night with you,
But those hours were spent in lust,
I felt your passion,
Touched by dominance,
I felt something in me I stared into your eyes,
But after the moments over I begin to despise,
I have a heart that believes the words you say,
I don’t know how I will be able to walk away,
But I praise myself if I don’t think of you today.
My dreams wander to the person I love,
You constantly reappear,
I force myself to vomit thoughts of you,
I slip into sinful fantasies,
But the night is a painful reminder,
That I remain alone.- Amy

How To Know It’s Really Love

Love is every bit as beautiful as lust is ugly. Lust causes so much confusion it can lead you in the opposite direction of where love is. So you go down the road of lust thinking you will find love only to find emptiness and a craving for more love. I appreciate the comment Dara sent me. Her words were honest, straightforward, and cold as ice. That’s what lust will do to you turn you into someone as cold as ice.  I hate being alone and find lust easier than love. Lust does hurt, each and every time. I know what the outcome will be and [yet] I still touch the hot stove with my bare hand. Maybe for girls, all women, all ages that are dealing with and understanding what I’m saying I leave you with this one thought…… We have to LUST TO FIND LOVE, the world is cold and when we find something warm it feels so good so we lust. Lust to me is what you have to go through to find your love, the world isn’t a perfect place. Problem is lust seldom leads to love.

So what are the differences between love and lust that would make them such opposites? There are far too many differences for me to list in one blog, but a few will suffice.

Love Lust

Is a passionate and deep affection for the other person. 

 

Is an intense craving for sexual desire.

 

Is patient and can wait to give. As someone once said, True love waits.

 

Can’t wait to get. It is demanding and impulsive like someone screaming in your ear, I want it now!

 

Is a decision we make. It is an act of the will with undying commitment.

 

Is immersed in emotion and cravings that refuse to make a commitment that will last. 

 

Wants the best for the other person.

 

Wants to be with someone only for what they can offer you.

 

Doesn’t expect anything. Is unconditional.

 

Is conditional and will only survive if it gets what it wants.

 

Learns to trust.

 

Is jealous and suspicious.

 

Gives freedom to the other.

 

Seeks to control and manipulate.

 

Does not get angry easily.

 

Quickly turns to rage and attacks.

 

Always protects.

 

Takes to tear down and destroy.

 

Never rude but treats the other with immense respect.

 

Shows no respect and is cruel.

 

Is always kind looking for ways to show the other its true self.

 

Is always trying to hide its true nature by deceiving and manipulating.

It is true that lust causes confusion, sometimes fooling us and luring us into its trap. But most of the time, we recognize lust for what it is and choose to follow it blindly. Somehow we hope lust will bring us to a happy ending. It never does. It can’t. It does not know how. Lust will never change. It will always be what it is.

Love wants to lead us to the right path where there is happiness, hope, and a deep sense of self-respect. Click To Tweet

Love never changes either. Love wants to lead us to the right path where there is happiness, hope, and a deep sense of self-respect. Love always gives because God is love. So ask yourself again, Am I in love or am I fooling myself all the while walking into the cruel trap of lust? The decision is ours and will always be so. Will we walk down the road of love or lust? How we answer this question will dictate what our lives will become. Choose love.

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.

Understanding Dating: eBook

Why Lust is Destructive

by Dawson McAllister

2 Reasons Lust Is Destructive

Everyone couple in carcurrently dating needs to ask the question…Am I in love or am I in lust? Whatever you do, don’t mess up on this question or you will walk into a world of hurt.

Lust literally means over-desire. It is when you take something that is good, twist it, and add cravings to it so you are consumed until you are gratified. When we speak of lust as it relates to relationships with the opposite sex, it can be defined this way – when a person’s body is far more important to you than his or her soul.

Love is the foundation our families and society are based on. Lust is just a physical emotion that we act upon when we get caught up in the moment. However, most of us fall in love with someone we find physically attractive. Because of this, hurt and confusion can easily be caused when you or your partner confuse love and lust with each other. Lust is an intense sexual desire or appetite that is based on self-gratification and has little to do with true feelings for the other person. As someone once said, “Lust is as different from love as night is from day.”That’s because love is an act of the will, covered with a deeply passionate and tender affection for another person. Lust wants to get, love longs to give.

Lust is as different from love as night is from day. #chooselove Click To Tweet

lust is destructive

This week, I want to blog on the destructiveness of lust because it’s easy to think, “So what’s the problem with lust?” After all, it is all around us, in songs, movies, advertisements, etc. Lust sells because it appeals to the dark side of us that only wants to get.

Related Posts:
How To Find A Meaningful Relationship
How To Know It’s Really Love
4 Ways To Avoid Heartbreak
8 Signs Your Relationship Is Unhealthy

Here are two serious problems with relationships built on lust…

  1. It is based on extreme self-indulgence, not caring about the other person. Someone once said, “Hate is the opposite of love.”That is true, but so is self-indulgence. Love can hardly wait to give. Lust can hardly wait to get. Lust turns people into liars, deceivers, and manipulators. Their actions towards others are based on the craving to get. Just as a junkie will do about anything to get his fix, so someone steeped in lust will do about anything to be self-gratified. I received an incredible, insightful comment from Sarah. She said, I dated guy after guy who would only tell me that they loved me when we were being physical. That was when they loved me. The rest of the time I was an object of abuse and rejection. Sarah was wrong in one sense. She said, “They loved me when we were being physical.”She should have said, “They loved themselves when we were being physical and I was the object of their gratification.”Lust is always ugly because it is self-indulgent and self-centeredness is never a pretty thing.
  2. It abandons the other person when it is no longer getting what it wants. I can’t tell you how many times girls have called me on my radio show to announce they were pregnant, their boyfriend is long gone, and they are left all alone. I call it Sex and run.I hate hit and run accidents because the person who is running is showing zero responsibility towards the person he/she hit. Lust that causes sex and run is even worse. As soon as lust no longer gets what it wants and is forced to face responsibility, it runs…leaving heartbreak in its path.bmxdpccqcly-louis-blythe Sex and run is an ugly thing full of selfishness and irresponsibility.   I have been in this situation a couple of times. I went out with a guy for a year and a half which ended up being a waste of time. I thought I loved him but really I just loved being with someone cause I was afraid of being alone. He only wanted me for my body… that was all. I didn’t give it to him so he cheated on me for a long time.(Samantha) It’s amazing to me how quickly people in lust scatter when they figure out their lust will not be gratified. Aimee Rose sent me a really cool comment I had never thought of before. She said something like this, I’ve heard you can never fall out of ‘love’, but you can always fall out of a lust. You’re right on the money Aimee Rose. Lust will die in an instant if it is not being fed. In fact, lust can turn to anger when it is rejected. About 6 months ago I was with this guy and I thought it was love. I mean he said all the right things done all the right things. I really thought I was in love but it turned out that relationship was no were near love. We had a lot of fights and arguments about sex because he was ready and I wasn’t. Well he didn’t get what he wanted so he up and left. For a long time I was dazed and confused but finally I got to thinking that if that was love then he wouldn’t of cared about sleeping with me he would of just gotten pleasure from being around me(Lisa M.) 

Lust attacks not only guys, but females as well.  So always keep your eyes open for it so you can do all you can to protect yourself from this destructive monster. You deserve so much better. You are worth so much more. Remember, lust kills, but love brings life.



Free eBook! Understanding Forgiveness from TheHopeLine®

Am I in Lust?

by Dawson McAllister

Don’t Confuse Love and Lust

I find so many people who call my radio show confused between lust and love. Love is the most abused word in the human language often being used instead of what it really is lust. Lust can cause deep confusion and destruction. So often I will hear a caller say, “I am in love.”When in reality, it is not love at all. Sometimes love vs lustit’s infatuation. Other times it’s nothing more than raw lust. There are times I want to yell into the microphone at my studio and say to the caller, “Don’t call it love because it’s not!”

As you read this blog, I want you to really think with me on what I’m about to say. It may challenge your thinking and feelings, but in the end it could clear up a lot of confusion and save you from a lot of pain.

So what is lust? Lust literally means to over desire. It is when you take something that is good, twist it, and add cravings to it until you are consumed with what you want to have. When we speak of lust as it relates to relationships with the opposite sex, it can be defined this way – “when a person’s body is far more important than their soul.”

I received some awesome definitions of lust from some in my radio audience:

  • Lust is selfishly dwelling on and fantasizing about sexual activities or entertaining sexually arousing thoughts with no thoughts of the other person’s feelings. Love doesn’t lust.(Jonathan)
  • Lust is when you look at someone with passion for their body. And don’t really see who they truly are or who they want to be other than your trophy and toy.(Megan)
  • Love lasts forever, but lust only lasts for awhile.(Deanna)
Love lasts forever, but lust only lasts for awhile. #chooselove Click To Tweet

As I researched this topic of lust, I have found many definitions. I have listed some below.

Lust…

  • Causes the brain to produce the same reaction as if on cocaine or speed. Lust really is like a drug, it leaves you wanting more. (Dr. Jon Marsden – Director of the National Addiction Center)
  • Comes quickly and leaves quickly. 
  • Only wants to get into bed with you. 
  • Is a craving for self gratification, usually sexual. 
  • Focuses only on the outward appearance. 
  • Is impatient.  
  • Is rude and manipulates. 
  • Seeks to get and never give. 
  • Self-centered. 
  • Doesn’t care about others. 
  • Is jealous and insecure. 
  • Seeks revenge and doesn’t forgive. 
  • Covers up and lies about wrongdoings. 
  • Will do whatever it wants to get its way. 
  • Leaves when it’s no longer getting.
Lust seeks to get and never give. Click To Tweet

Girl by fence contemplating lifeEvery person who has ever dated or lived has struggled with lust. If you haven’t yet, you will.  But you can resist entering into a relationship built on lust. With an understanding of what lust is and it’s selfish motivations, you can say no to a lust-driven relationship and  choose love instead. You deserve love.

Have you ever liked someone a lot and found out they only wanted you for your body? Have you ever thought you loved someone but realized it was only lust? Share your thoughts below. I want to hear from you.

Your Friend,
Dawson


Free eBook! Relationships and Cheating from TheHopeLine