Everyone who is currently dating needs to ask the question...Am I in love or am I in lust? Whatever you do, don't mess up on this question or you will walk into a world of hurt.
Reasons Lust Is Destructive
Lust literally means over-desire. It is when you take something that is good, twist it, and add cravings to it so you are consumed until you are gratified. When we speak of lust as it relates to relationships with the opposite sex, it can be defined this way - when a person's body is far more important to you than his or her soul.
Love is the foundation our families and society are based on. Lust is just a physical emotion we act upon when we get caught up in the moment. However, most of us fall in love with someone we find physically attractive. Because of this, hurt and confusion can easily be caused when you or your partner confuse love and lust with each other. Lust is an intense sexual desire or appetite that is based on self-gratification and has little to do with true feelings for the other person. As someone once said, "Lust is as different from love as night is from day." That's because love is an act of the will, covered with a deeply passionate and tender affection for another person. Lust wants to get, love longs to give.
It's easy to think, "So what's the problem with lust?" After all, it is all around us, in songs, movies, advertisements, etc. Lust sells because it appeals to the dark side of us that only wants to get.
Here are Two Serious Problems with Relationships Built on Lust:
1. It is based on extreme self-indulgence, not caring about the other person. Someone once said, "Hate is the opposite of love." That is true, but so is self-indulgence. Love can hardly wait to give. Lust can hardly wait to get. Lust turns people into liars, deceivers, and manipulators. Their actions towards others are based on the craving to get. Just as a junkie will do about anything to get his fix, so someone steeped in lust will do about anything to be self-gratified.
I received an incredible, insightful comment from Sarah. She said, "I dated guy after guy who would only tell me that they loved me when we were being physical. That was when they loved me. The rest of the time I was an object of abuse and rejection." Sarah was wrong in one sense. She said, "They loved me when we were being physical." She should have said, "They loved themselves when we were being physical and I was the object of their gratification." Lust is always ugly because it is self-indulgent and self-centeredness is never a pretty thing.
2. It abandons the other person when it is no longer getting what it wants. I can't tell you how many times girls have called me on my show to announce they were pregnant, their boyfriend is long gone, and they are left all alone. I call it sex-and-run. I hate hit and run accidents because the person who is running is showing zero responsibility towards the person they hit. Lust that causes sex-and-run is even worse. As soon as lust no longer gets what it wants and is forced to face responsibility, it runs...leaving heartbreak in its path. Sex-and-run is an ugly thing full of selfishness and irresponsibility.
Samantha said, "I have been in this situation a couple of times. I went out with a guy for a year and a half which ended up being a waste of time. I thought I loved him but really I just loved being with someone cause I was afraid of being alone. He only wanted me for my body... that was all. I didn't give it to him so he cheated on me for a long time." It's amazing to me how quickly people in lust scatter when they figure out their lust will not be gratified.
Aimee Rose sent me a really cool comment I had never thought of before. She said something like this, "I've heard you can never fall out of 'love', but you can always fall out of lust." You're right on the money, Aimee Rose. Lust will die in an instant if it is not being fed. In fact, lust can turn to anger when it is rejected.
Lisa M. said, "About 6 months ago I was with this guy and I thought it was love. I mean he said all the right things and did all the right things. I really thought I was in love but it turned out that the relationship was nowhere near love. We had a lot of fights and arguments about sex because he was ready and I wasn't. Well, he didn't get what he wanted so he up and left. For a long time, I was dazed and confused but finally, I got to thinking that if that was love then he wouldn't have cared about sleeping with me, he would have just gotten pleasure from being around me."
Lust attacks not only guys, but females as well. So always keep your eyes open for it so you can do all you can to protect yourself from this destructive monster. You deserve so much better. You are worth so much more. Remember, lust kills, but love brings life.
We all want that long-lasting meaningful relationship, but tend to rush into things. Read my blog to find out how to find that relationship.