Are You Trapped in a Cycle of Emotional Abuse from Parents?
Overwhelmed by the Verbal Abuse
The words of an abuser can cause all kinds of agony and can set one on a lifelong destructive course. In this episode, I speak with Lance, who’s verbally attacked by his parents. I also talk with Sarah who endures verbal abuse at least twice a day trapped in the car with her dad. And the most difficult conversation I had is with Tameka, whose father emotionally and verbally abuses her. He calls her names and puts her down every day. If you need help dealing with verbal abuse in your family, then this one is for you!
Trying to Avoid the Conflict with Parents
Lance’s parents get angry at him for stupid reasons. They call him names and he says, “It’s getting stupid.” Lance gets so stressed by his parent’s abuse, he forgets his responsibilities and messes up even more.
Like Lance, most victims of verbal abuse feel put down, afraid, hurt, angry, confused, and helpless to do anything about the situation. In this case, Lance tried to get away from the abuse by hiding in his room, trying to avoid the conflict.
The words of an abuser cause all kinds of agony. It can set one on a lifelong destructive course. The Bible does not mince words when talking about a destructive tongue. It says, “The tongue is a fire. It is full of wrong. It poisons the whole body. The tongue sets our whole lives on fire with a fire that comes from hell.” James 3:6 In spite of this graphic description, the verbal abuser seldom understands or cares about the havoc he or she is causing. Most are full of rage and have no idea the damage being done.
The words of an abuser cause all kinds of agony. It can set one on a lifelong destructive course. Click To TweetLance is afraid of his parents. They use vicious words to control and hurt him. Lance is stressed at what his parents are doing which causes him to forget what they are trying to say. It’s a vicious cycle. They verbally abuse him, he stresses out and forgets what they require of him, so they abuse him more. Then he forgets again, they get angrier and lash out.
Minimizing the Emotional Abuse
On one hand, Lance understands they hurt him, on the other hand he minimizes what they are doing to him. I challenged him to get out of the house and he responded by saying, “Their good parents besides that.” Just because they are good parents the rest of the time, doesn’t change the fact that their verbal abuse is horrific and causing incredible damage. It’s like someone who has been beaten within an inch of death to say of his attacker, “It’s okay that he almost killed me because most of the time he’s really nice.”
Lance doesn’t have an advocate or someone to help him with his problems. His abusive parents have beaten him down and he doesn’t know what to do but just knowing someone cares will help him tremendously with his tragic situation.
A Father Full of Rage and Verbal Abuse
Sarah is in a very difficult situation. She and her sister are in the car, with their father for 10 minutes, twice a day, to and from school. Their father is extremely angry. He’s full of rage because of the divorce and who knows what else. Attacking the girls verbally is irrational but in some ways it must make him feel better, even though he’s doing great harm to his victims.
The wise King Solomon has given incredible advice to someone who is forced to be around another one full of rage. Solomon’s advice is to go soft and quiet when an angry person acts out. He said in Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”
When Sarah becomes gentle and humble with her words, she can help soften her father’s harsh and angry words by not letting him get her upset. After a while, the father will run out of things to say. He will see love and wisdom demonstrated during their drives to and from school. God’s love is powerful. It can do some amazing things, even turn Sarah’s father into a changed man.
We all ought to pray for Sarah because she needs tremendous patience. With it her soft approach will help change her father’s attitude. Solomon wrote, “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” Proverbs 25:15
“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” Proverbs 15:1 Click To TweetStuck in an Awful Predicament of Abuse
Tameka’s father has been emotionally and verbally abusing her for 6 years. He calls her names and puts her down every day. Tameka feels she can’t take it anymore and is starting to break down.
Tameka is stuck and needs help to find a much better situation. She needs to get away from her abusive father. The Bible tells us about King Saul, who was David’s mentor but also his authority figure. Saul had the right to put David to death and anyone else under his dominion. Saul fell away from God and was determined to kill David because he was jealous and hateful towards him.
David had to go to someone who could protect him and that someone was a man called Samuel. Samuel was a powerful man. He was both a prophet and judge over all of Israel. The Bible goes onto to say, “When David had fled and made his escape, he went to Samuel at Ramah and told him all that Saul had done to him. Then he and Samuel went to Naioth and stayed there.” 1 Samuel 19:18
Tameka, like David, is under the authority of her father. Before attempting to leave her horribly abusive situation, she needs to hook up with safe people who will protect her. She definitely needs our prayers for strength and courage as she reaches out to others.
Let us all pray, God will change Tameka’s father, so he will turn from his vicious ways. The Bible says, “A worthless man digs up evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.” Proverbs 16:27 May God stop him in his tracks, may he turn to Christ to forgive him and find a whole new life of love and support.
Did Today’s Episode on Abuse Get You Thinking?
Verbally abused people are all around us. May God help us identify them and offer support that will help them heal. If you have been verbally abused, I want to encourage you to go to a place called ThePrayerZone.com. There you will find encouragement and prayer that will start you down the road of healing. Our hearts are with you. God says, “He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.” Psalm 102:17
Verbally abused people are all around us. May God help us identify them and offer support to help them heal. Click To TweetResources for help with EMOTIONAL and VERBAL Abuse:
- Check out my eBooks: Understanding Hope, and Understanding Forgiveness, and Understanding Self-Worth.
- Check out my blogs: Hope for the Abused, What is Verbal/Emotional Abuse?, and What is Abuse?
- Check out this story of hope: I Hated My Life…Your Show Saved me!
- Need to talk about verbal abuse in your life? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
- Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.
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Join me for my next episode on depression. In this episode, I speak with Samantha who finds herself emotionally exhausted. I also get a chance to talk with Melissa, facing a serious setback after her counselor is murdered. Then, I realize that Cody has a core belief, he’s worthless. Lastly, Dustin shares how even though he’s got some debilitating health issues, he’s reaching out to people who are depressed and encouraging them. From this episode, I hope you gain encouragement and are able to get help by learning from other’s experiences.
Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson
Just because they are your parents and you don’t agree with them, that doesn’t make them dumb. Although far from perfect, they have years of experience and wisdom that you don’t have yet. This might enable them to see the character faults in your bf/gf a whole lot easier than you, especially if you’re blinded by the deep emotions you feel for your bf/gf. It is worth pushing pause on your anger and emotions and considering whether your parents may be right. They have the advantage of perspective…they realize over 90% of high school dating ends up not working out. Parents remember their own good and bad choices while dating. They just want you to be protected from bad consequences which could affect the rest of your life.
arents will appreciate a bf/gf who treats you with 
they left off criticizing the other and trying to recruit you to their side.
part of Christmas is spending it without my father and his family. I don’t know any of my mother’s family, so gatherings are extremely awkward. Holidays are just all around lonely and depressing for me; I just don’t find happiness in them anymore.
tradition by getting as many in your family as possible involved in doing something for someone less fortunate. There are lots of ways to do this – serve a meal at a homeless shelter, bake cookies for an elderly neighbor, write letters to our military soldiers who won’t be home for the holidays, and more. Even if your family doesn’t want to do it with you, just your own service to someone in need will change your whole perspective.
Even though you are obligated – or court ordered – to spend the holidays with your separated parents, make some time to see your friends as well. Even if it is just a phone call, a friend can make you laugh or give words of encouragement. And if a friend is not available remember our 
Nothing has a greater impact on our lives than our families. The family is the most powerful unit of society, influencing and shaping every man, woman and child for good or for bad. Unfortunately, there is plenty of pain in families. In fact, people are more profoundly hurt by those in their own family than anywhere else. Parents hurt their children and children hurt parents. Many people carry the wounds and scars they receive in their home for the rest of their lives.
When it comes to learning about life, you can greatly benefit from your parents’ experience and wisdom. There is no greater teacher than experience. Because of your parent’s age, they simply have more years of experience than you, and therefore, often have the ability to identify the people, events, and circumstances that can greatly affect your life.
Spending time with your parents, and learning to communicate with them, can actually transform your relationship. A girl called my show thanking me for some advice I gave her over a year ago. She was having problems with her mother. I advised her to say this to her mother: “Mom, I want to respect you and learn to love you so much. Let’s spend an hour everyday just talking.” Her mother agreed. A year later, their relationship is awesome. She said to me, “My mother is so amazing. She is my best friend.”
When you seek and offer forgiveness for hurt caused in the past, you are saying, “I love you and I don’t want there to be hurt between you and me. I care enough about our relationship to let go of my anger about how I’ve been hurt and to also recognize the wrong I have done and apologize.”
