In my blog, "How to Quit Cutting for Good", I talked about 3 alternative coping strategies for self-harm: Talk it out, wake up to your actual feelings, and seek God.
Once you decide you're committed to stop cutting, you will find out what a struggle it is to go sober and stay free from this horrible addiction. Even as you are beginning to recover, you still will feel the cravings to cut again. You are going to need to be prepared to know how to deal with those powerful urges. Here are some practical ideas to help you or someone you know be set free.
Stop feeding the cutting monster - wait it out
Every urge you have to cut will go away in time, but only if you don't act on it. Each time you act on your urge to cut, you're making that urge stronger kind of like feeding a monster. Each time you feed the addiction, the more likely you will feel the urge to cut the next time you feel the same emotional pressure. The more you stand against the urge, without giving in, the more your urges will decrease.
Distract yourself from the desire to cut
One of the best ways to stop cutting is by distracting yourself with someone or something else. This will allow the moment to pass when you're feeling the deep cravings to cut and get your mind off of it. It's impossible for your mind to think about two things at the exact same time. Here are some ideas on how to do this.
- Call a friend or meet them in person. Talk about what's comfortable for you. The key is to keep talking.
- Take a shower. This will help invigorate your body so physically it too is distracted. (Make sure there are no razors in the shower).
- Exercise Walk, run, ride your bike, climb, swim, do yoga, etc. While you are exercising, your mind is more likely to think about something other than cutting.
- Play with a pet. Take your dog for a walk.
- Watch television or a non-violent, healthy movie.
- Make yourself a sandwich, drink a glass of water or a cup of hot chocolate.
- Listen to positive music. It will definitely help to change your mood.
- Write in your journal. Learn to express your feelings through writing.
- Create art or some kind of creative hobby.
- Volunteer somewhere like a nursing home, or a hospital. In fact, getting a job will help as well. Some people cut out of sheer boredom.
Natalia put it this way: I still fight the urges, but the way I deal with it is by writing in my journal or talking to my best friend and boyfriend who are currently helping me through this.
The point is: Find something else to do. If none of these ideas are possible at the moment, try finding a substitute for the cutting sensation.
- Rub an ice cube on your skin, instead of cutting.
- Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you feel the urge.
- Draw on your skin with a red marker or food coloring in the place you would normally cut.
- Put temporary tattoos in the places you have the urge to cut.
Angel said rubber bands have helped her. I've learned that snapping them against your wrist takes away a little bit of the amount to want to cut yourself. Ali said the key for her was she needed something physical to feel like she was still alive, that she was OK. So, I mark a little pink heart on my calendar for every day I don't cut...and believe it or not it helps. Help is possible and stopping is realistic.
Tell your story
The biggest problem with a cutting addiction is it forces you to focus on how YOU are feeling. Stop thinking about yourself so much and focus on other cutters who need your help. The more you can reach out to others, encouraging them to find better ways to express their feelings, the better you will be able to resist your own urges. Courtney said: I'm proud to be able to tell people my story of overcoming my self-destructive behavior. Every day is a struggle, but I always choose to find hope in the darkest situations and fight the urge.
Think About your Future without Cutting and Self-Harm
You have an incredible life ahead of you, filled with many, many years of potential joy and time with people you love, and who love you as well. Think about what you'd like your life to look like in 5, 10, 15 years, and start taking steps to move forward in that direction.
Abby is 25, and she sees hope in her future: If I don't stop cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren't going to work out the way I dream they will.
Cyndal said: I thought about when I have children, and they see the cuts and scars on my arms, and they ask me, 'Mommy what are those booboos on your arms?' That really made me think, 'WOW, what would I tell my children?' And it made me cry for a really long time"
I want to encourage you to be strong like Amanda. She said: It's a challenge every day, but I am fighting to not cut, because I know that my life can be really awesome, and cutting does not fit into that picture. When you feel your emotions building up, remember you now have alternatives to self-harm. Get self-help by talking to someone who cares.
Be strong. There is tremendous hope for you!
You have really been through a lot. You did the right thing by speaking out here and expressing your feelings. Talking about it with someone who cares can really help. HopeCoaches are available for chat 24/7 and we have resources to help you. Give us a try - https://www.thehopeline.com/gethelp/
Hi, my name's Adam. I've hit the bottom before but I've not stopped looking for a way out. I'm 21 and at the age of 18 I had everything. My dream career began as an officer in the Royal Air Force, friends, family, I couldn't have asked for more. A year and a half ago my girlfriend had 2 miscarriages in quick succession. This really set me back and I began drinking heavily to the detriment of my health. I developed glandular fever as a result of the stress I was under along with my job. I was going to be off work so long it ultimately cost me my job and any way of providing for myself.
My girlfriend left me, my family shunned me and I was essentially homeless, only staying briefly with what friends I had left. That went on for months and months, I was drinking and cutting and trying to end it all. Every time I try to pick myself up I get knocked straight back down. I'm holding down a job at the moment that I've had for a month but the pay doesn't cover the cost of living and I'm unable to get more shifts. I'm at the lowest ive been for a long time. I'm reaching out here because, without wanting to sound dramatic, I don't know how long I'm going to put up with it. I don't eat, i don't sleep, I've no money, no prospects. All I've done for 20 years of my life is work as hard as I possibly could and I've nothing to show for it. Makes me wonder if it's worth anything. I don't want attention or sympathy from anyone, I wanted to get that off my chest to stop me cutting again tonight.
Thank you
Adam
Hi I'm Ayriana and I feel your pain Im 20 and been to 4 different hospitals and i'm so sorry about your girlfriend and family, just because I don't know u doesn't mean I don't care. I hope everything goes well and you stop cutting and drinking because you deserve life! Stay strong I'm here if you need me..
Im 13 and I have Bipolar ll disorder. I keep getting really depressed and my mood goes up and down. Today 5 times I considered cutting. I cut once before and it made a scar. Today everytime I wanted to cut I dug my nails into the scar trying to get it opened. Now I dug my nails into my wrist in several spots and my wrist hurts so much. But I just can't stop. I won't take meds and I don't have a therapist. So maybe you guys can help me? And btw my parents have no clue im bipolar, only two of my friends know. This is the first time I opened up about this to others. I hope you guys can help, you seem like a nice community to talk to. Thanks.
I'm 18 and i've been depressed since 7. I was sexually assaulted by my brother when i was really little, it would happen everyday. He made me learn that it was something that was suppose to happen, and he said he would hurt my sister if i said no. I was stuck in this cycle of fear for my sister that I only had one option. I didn't know what to do, I was so scared all the time. I first started out putting salt and ice on my skin at 13, which then moved to gouging my skin with my finger nails. When I turned 14, none of that helped i needed more, i would start breaking apart shavers and pencil sharpeners and cutting just enough to draw blood, from there i moved to deeper and deeper until the point my arm would go numb. 16 i started lighting matched and letting it to myself. Then i finally was put on meds for both anxiety and depression. Neither helped. I was hospitalized at 17 and put into northwest journey, which at first just made me so angry all the time. But then things started to get better. I got to the point were i wasn't self harming everyday, which led to once a week, then i became clean. But only because I started to abuse narcotics, huffing, drinking, and smoking marijuana. I found a different kind of escape. I knew I had a problem and I turned myself in to a rehab facility. I went through the process and became clean, i've been clean now from any form of escape for about 5 months. But just recently i've been getting depressed again, and i relapsed on SH yesterday, I don't want to get back into that, so here I am looking for help. Thank you for listening.
I'm 14 and I've decided to cut myself all together about 3 times and I have problems I don't belong here I'm just insegnificant nothing that doesn't know how to be human because I'm just another lame excuse that shouldn't be here I want to leave and get away forever I'm not needed and the first time I went through cutting at all it was hurt and I fillet the same as I do now because my own dad I hadn't seen him in years and when I finally went to see him it had been 8 years and he treated me like I wasn't even there my step moms parents cared more and then I stopped cutting and it got better and then I strayed again in 7th grade for just because and then I stopped again I was so happy and then I relapsed on my problem and I've started cutting again and I'm gonna be a freshman this year and it's because I'm hurt cause I mentally hurt someone else and no win back to my old self idiotic little nothing I want to die and leave this hell hole we call a planet. People treat me like what I am, nothing. I don't wanna be here I don't belong here I'm so ready to go but I'd rather someone else kill me I'm so tired so done with everyone I lied to my mom i lied to my sister I even tricked myself that I was happy but I'm not and someone please,just please take it away please.