Have you ever wondered why many people develop a sex drive far before they are mature enough to have sex and before they are ready for a committed relationship? Wouldn’t it be better to suddenly develop a desire for sex on our wedding night? Wouldn’t that save us a lot of trouble?
What exactly is a sex drive, you ask? It’s a complicated answer, but let’s try our best to define it. Having a sex drive means:
You want to have sex with someone.
I know, it’s profound.
So, God gave us a desire to have sex with people. Brilliant. The question now is, why? Why give us a burning desire to unite ourselves with another human being? To start off, I want us to understand why God made us this way. I like to say that there are three B/s that explain why we have a sex drive.
The First B, if You Will, Is to Make Babies
When you have sex, you can make a baby. How do I know that? Many hours of research. Actually, I happen to have four babies, so I know a thing or two about it.
God gave us a sex drive so that we would want to procreate. There are many things that could prevent us from choosing to have babies- financial security, career, independence, wanting a full night’s sleep- but when it comes down to it, we were meant to have children. This was God’s command for us: to be fruitful and multiply. He designed us in such a way that it would be natural for us to do it. He enjoys giving children to families as a blessing, and as a way of redemption. We see this throughout scripture with the stories of Abraham and Isaac, Hagar, and Ishmael, and Hannah, and Samuel, just to name a few. He gave babies to barren couples who had no possible way to conceive. The Savior of the world even came through a blessing that God bestowed on Mary when He miraculously put life into her womb. What an honor for her to carry Jesus and raise Him in our world. The greatest blessings come in small packages: babies.
Without a sex drive, we would be deterred from choosing a partner, bonding with them for life, and having children. The connection, intimacy, and pleasure we are rewarded with when we listen to our sex drive are important and highly motivational. Without them, we might not have a desire to even be in a relationship with people, let alone procreate with them.
The Second B is Beauty
In the book of Proverbs, Solomon, the wisest person in history says: “There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a young woman.” To him, there was something inexplicably beautiful that occurred between the two.
Here’s the deal: the devil did not create sex. Justin Timberlake is not bringing sexy back. God created sex. God is the sexiest being alive. He knows what’s sexy. He knows how we were made and He knows what we need to have. He knows what looks right, what feels right, and how we are to experience sex without shame, condemnation, naivety, or pain. He created all of this for us as a beautiful thing to explore. You’ve probably heard “The devil can’t create anything new, he can only pervert it.” He’s been trying for a very long time to redefine sex, twist and recreate it, but no one else can define sex for us the way that God has.
What the devil can’t recreate is what happens when a man and woman have a sexual encounter in covenant. He cannot create beauty. He cannot create wonder, mystery, or glory. He can try to diminish it lie to you, and say it’s not a big deal. He can try to get you to connect with a bunch of people and become desensitized to it. What he cannot do is recreate the beauty of what happens when two bodies come together. The intimacy of two becoming one cannot be counterfeited. He will always try to bring a counterfeit, but there’s a real sexual encounter that God intended for you to have. It’s meant to be fulfilling, healthy and happy, and part of who He is. It’s supposed to be glorious!
Having a desire and a yearning for another- our spouse, in particular- is a beautiful thing. Being together in extreme intimacy and ultimate pleasure is beautiful. I believe that for God, there’s nothing more beautiful than this.
The Third B Is Bonding
Matthew 19:4-6 says:
“Haven’t you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves his father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.” (MSG)
Our sex drive allows us to connect with our spouse and create a bond for life. It’s the glue that seals together. As much as we’d like to think we’re rubber and people can just bounce off of us, the reality is that when we have sexual encounters, we’re being glued together. There’s a bonding that occurs that supersedes a mere skin-to-skin connection. Scientifically, we know that it engages us hormonally, neurologically, and psychologically; it forms intense bonds mentally, emotionally and physically, especially when we do it over and over again.
Whether we know it or not, sex touches our whole being. Many of us already know this because we’ve experienced how we become deeply attached to the people we’re intimate with. You might not even like someone that you’ve been involved with, but you feel as though you love them. You feel like you can’t live without them. it’s because of the intimacy, history, and connection you’ve shared. It’s like we become addicted to them. Did you know that this was God’s plan from the start? God designed us this way so that we would be faithful, committed, and loyal to our spouse in a way that defies will and emotion.
For more on sex and intimacy, read this article on rethinking casual sex.
Originally published on Moral Revolution.