How To Talk About Sex Without Shame or Fear

You shouldn’t be ashamed or afraid to talk about sex. It’s a normal part of human life, and it can be a beautiful experience. But if you’ve been a victim of sexual abuse, trafficking, sexual assault, or have addictions to unhealthy sexual behaviors, sex becomes shameful, frightening, and isolating.

You may feel worthless, like you’ve let yourself or your partner down. You may feel like you can’t stop your addictive sexual behavior. Maybe you’re afraid that your future romantic relationships will become sexually abusive or unhealthy because of past trauma.

Those feelings may be powerful, but they don’t have to be true. It doesn’t have to be that way.

We’ve helped people addicted to sex and pornography break free from their feelings of desperation. We’ve supported people who’ve been sexually assaulted, sexually abused, and trafficked in their journey toward healing and wholeness. We’ve offered prayer for people who felt completely closed off, and helped them to open up about their experiences with sex.

Wherever you are in your understanding of sex and how it shapes your life and relationships, we can help you gain clarity, find peace of mind, and let go of guilt, despair, and other emotions that leave you feeling trapped.

What We Know About Sex

Many people have unhealthy relationships with sex, and many have been victimized by sexual assault, abuse, or misuse. You are not alone. There are people who feel your pain and know your struggle.

You are a human, not an object. Your body is still a temple (1 Corinthians 16:9) and still sacred. What you have been through does not change or tarnish who you are. You are no less valuable and are just as worthy of love as you were before your sexual struggles began.

A healthy understanding of oneself and healthy boundaries in relationships are integral to a healthier understanding of (and relationship to) sexual relationships and behaviors. That clarity comes from talking about sex with someone you can trust: a mentor, a therapist, a physician, or someone in your faith community.

Let’s Talk About It

Were you raised in a home or church where talking about sex was taboo? The irony is, these “protective” rules and expectations of perfect sexual purity can be overwhelming. Without someone to talk to, you may feel that such pressures are what pushed you toward a warped view of sex or unhealthy sexual behaviors.

The truth is, asking questions (even when they feel uncomfortable) is healthy and normal. And it’s often the first step toward the answers you’ve been longing for.

  • What should I do if I am being pressured to have sex?
  • How do I break my addiction to pornography?
  • How do I cope with the sexual abuse in my past?
  • How do I protect myself from sexual assault?

Judgment-Free Help and Support

It can feel impossible to open up about intimate areas of our lives, especially if we’ve heard things like:

  • “I can’t believe you would do something like that.”
  • “What were you doing or wearing that caused that to happen?”
  • “Why did you let that happen?”
  • “That’s a major sin. The damage has been done and you can’t take it back.”

You are not damaged goods. You are still “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). And you can find freedom and healing from past sexual hurts and mistakes.

Not sure where to start? Find guidance on sex and relationships in our resource library, or on our podcast. Need support after sexual addiction or assault? Reach out to our mentors or request prayer.

Sex doesn’t have to be a cause for fear, shame, or self-hate. Our resources (podcasts, ebooks, and more) can help you answer sensitive questions:

  • What do I do if my boyfriend or girlfriend wants to have sex, but I’m not ready?
  • What are some of the signs of sexual addiction?
  • How does sex affect my relationship?

FAQ on Sex:

Am I Damaged Goods?

The most important thing to remember is that you are not damaged goods if you have sex before marriage. The concept of being “damaged goods” is a harmful one that is rooted in an unhealthy sense of shame. It’s important to take responsibility for your actions, but it’s best to do so in a way that is kind to yourself.

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Additional Resources

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