Love Addiction

I Can’t Let a Broken Heart Break My Life

My name is Megan. I broke up with my boyfriend. We had a long distance relationship for a year and a half. During that time, he would say how much he loved me and that he couldn’t live a life without me and everything will be perfect when we are finally together in the same room one day. But those words were deceitful. He gave me this high hope. I worked so hard to save money so I could visit him. We’d been through so much together. I was blind to how I was being treated.

A Deceitful & Hurtful Relationship

I gave up a lot for this relationship. He said love is jealous, so I lost friends because he was very possessive. I even lost a career because he didn’t like my manager. He said the manager cared too much about me. My boyfriend demanded I talk with him when he had problems. I was always there to cheer him up. When he had issues, I was there to listen and to give him my opinion, when he asked for it. I gave him my all, but he never appreciated it.

He said all I ever wanted was an argument with him. If I confronted him about things, he would say we were not in sync. He would blame me for every mistake he made. When he got angry, he would talk to people online and tell them he was sick of me and call me names. Then he would later apologize to me and somehow convince me it was all my fault. He would say if I just wouldn’t argue with him then he wouldn’t do that.

8 Signs Your Dating Relationship Is Unhealthy

Enough is Enough

He broke my heart too many times. He cheated on me, but then would come to me crying saying all the right words. I was angry and disappointed, but I forgave him. He knew I would forgive him, so every time he would blame me for everything he did wrong. It was always about me not making him happy.

Finally, I realized I was a fool to keep the relationship going with the hope he would change. He didn’t. I began wondering if I am a weak person. Why would I love this man so much that I would allow myself to become so attached to him? I finally broke up with him. It was the hardest thing to do, and it hurt me a lot. I cried for days. I hoped that he would at least call me and ask if I was alright. He didn’t. I called my mom and she prayed for me in tears as she had to bear all my pain everytime this man hurt my feelings.

A Search for Hope

Not wanting to cause my mom any more pain, I searched the internet for advice on my problem. That’s when I found TheHopeLine. As soon as I logged in to chat, there was a coach available to talk to me. I didn’t expect it would work, but it did work. I told the coach my problem and the coach listened patiently and gave me some advice. It really touched my heart. Why would a stranger bother to listen and to give advice and pray for me? I felt like I was all alone with my pain, but here was someone willing to listen to me.

The coach asked me if I believed in God and tears started falling down my face. I had forgotten God for a long long time. Even though I had a good Christian upbringing, when I went to college I left it all behind. I thought God had forgotten me too because I had betrayed Him. When my mom prayed with me, I let her because that’s what she wanted. But when the coach asked me if she could pray for me, I knew I needed it more than anything. It gave me peace. I realized God had never left me…all this time He was around…watching me.

I know it is not an accident that I went to look for something to read and ended up at TheHopeLine. God led me here. I felt so dirty and so sinful. I felt I didn’t deserve God, but then my mom told me if you still feel guilty, it shows that God loves you because you can still feel it. If your heart becomes so stone cold and feels nothing, it means you reject God. That very moment I knew God never left me even though I turned my back on Him. He’s been there waiting for me, and He is using all that I am going through to lead me home to Him. I feel ashamed of myself, but also so grateful because God reached out to me through the coaches at TheHopeline.

It’s a Journey

I still struggle with my emotional pain. A coach reminded me that there is no easy way to fix my broken heart. When I wanted to harm myself, something held me back, and I went to talk to a coach instead. The talks with the coach really pushed me back to being rational. I could not harm myself for what I felt inside. It would not solve my problem. It would just keep me broken. I couldn’t do that to my parents or fail the coaches that God had provided for me. Why would I doubt that God couldn’t help me through this?

I can’t let a broken heart break my life. There is a choice between giving in to my pain or giving it all to God. I choose the second. I decided to let God give me the strength to endure my moment of pain, to let God walk with me in my darkest time, to let Him hold my hand and show me the way to deal with my brokenness.

The HopeCoach suggested I read blogs on this site, and, of course, read the Bible. It helped me a lot and I began to see myself more clearly. There are lots of people who suffer more than me, yet they aren’t giving in or giving up. We all have our own problems, even the coaches. Yet the coaches give their time to help someone in their time of need.

I can't let a broken heart break my life. I decided to let God walk with me in my darkest time. Click To Tweet

Hurt Again, but Stronger with God

After 3 weeks, suddenly my ex called me. He was drunk and crying. I asked what happened? He said after we broke up, he found someone else. He fell in love with her so bad, and he already had sex with her. But then he did something that made her break up with him. Hearing this stabbed me right through my heart. He kept on talking of how much he loves the girl and that he can’t lose her as she is the love of his life. He tried to kill himself to show how sorry he was to this girl. It caused my heart to break again to realize he didn’t feel anything for me while I was in pain.

But I knew the right thing to do, so I told him what the HopeCoaches had told me…to kill yourself over a broken heart is not wise. I asked if I could pray for him. He said okay, even though he didn’t believe in God. I put aside all my pain because his life was at stake. I asked God to give me strength because if God leads him to talk to me, then may I do that according to God’s will. So I told my ex, “Your life has a purpose, and to end your life because of a broken heart is just not fair.” He thanked me for always being there, but then once again blamed me! He said all of this wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t broken up with him.

After that, I was just numb. My heart felt cold. I just cried out to God. What is it He wants to teach me? I reached out to a HopeCoach again before I allowed myself to be flooded with bad thoughts. The coach encouraged me and prayed for me. I realized God did not let me down. I don’t know where I got the strength to keep my cool when my ex called me. Somehow God filled my heart with compassion…giving me the ability to help my ex realize that no matter what happens, our lives have a purpose and that God loves him and cares about him.

God’s Love is Greater Than a Broken Heart

Through this whole experience, my heart was torn to pieces, but it is still working and is actually stronger than it was before. I have learned the only true and unfailing love comes from God. I am grateful that God showed me His Love. A love so deep that he gave His only Son to die for our sins. Jesus experienced all the pain and hurtful things that we do and so much more. He died for people who were cursing him, rejecting him, and demeaning him. He demonstrates a love that conquers all that.

Humans can hurt each other in every worst way, but God’s love conquers it all. That’s what I have come to understand from my experience. Yes, I still feel down sometimes, but I’m no longer lost. God is putting me back together. He is shaping me. I trust He wouldn’t let me go through all this without a purpose. I know He has a plan for me. A great one!

I want to thank all the coaches who have been there for me in my time of need, you are all God’s hands. Thank you to everyone who shared their stories here. Reading all the stories gives me strength. That is the power of sharing! God bless you all.

And last but not least…Thank you, God for this wonderful site, wonderful people, and wonderful love you let us share with each other even though we are all strangers. You are wonderful, God! There is none like You! Let us all be the living proof that You are God. Amen.

If you are questioning whether your relationship is healthy or toxic, we are here to help you through this.

Photo Credit: Brooke Cagle

Healthy Self-Care for People in Addiction Recovery

by Dawson McAllister

If you’re dealing with addiction or experiencing a relapse, true recovery is a challenge. When you feel overwhelmed by recovery, it can be tempting to self-soothe or self-medicate with unhealthy or addictive behaviors.

To understand the difference between self-care and self-soothing, think of those times when you have an illness. You wouldn’t care for the flu with junk food, parties, and entertainment that would only make you feel good for a brief time. You would care for the root causes of your illness and follow prescribed treatments that truly heal your body (rather than just masking your discomfort).

Likewise, true self-care is the only way to heal your mind, body, and spirit from the pain and scars left by the disease of addiction.

True self-care is the only way to heal your mind, body, and spirit from the pain and scars left by addiction. Click To Tweet

Caring for Your Body

Since many relapse and addiction triggers happen when you are hungry, tired, or irritable, caring for your body is paramount when you’re in addiction recovery.

- Exercise: Staying active releases endorphins, which make you feel better without self-soothing in an unhealthy way.
- Nutrition: Eating when you’re hungry (and nourishing yourself with healthy meals and snacks) is key to feeling well in your recovery.
- Hydration: Drinking plenty of water is essential to your health and well-being and staying hydrated is a great way to curb cravings for unhealthy or addictive foods and drinks.
- Rest: Getting enough sleep makes it easier to focus on getting things done and makes you more likely to stay focused when building other healthy habits

Caring for Your Mind

Since addiction takes place in the mind as much as the body, it’s important that your self-care extends to your mental health. Set and keep regular appointments with your doctor, as well as for any recovery mentorship or therapy you receive. The extra accountability and support goes a long way.

Starting a mindfulness meditation practice may also help you focus more clearly on your recovery and the positive intentions behind it. You don’t even have to leave home to try it. You can find meditation blogs and sites, YouTube channels, and smartphone apps to remind you to take time out for your daily mindfulness exercise.

Many recovery programs use creative expression as a form of healthy self-care. Journaling, writing stories or poetry, drawing, painting, and collaging are just a few of the ways you can share the words, thoughts, and feelings of your recovery journey.

Journaling, poetry, drawing, and painting are ways to share, thoughts, and feelings of your recovery journey. Click To Tweet

Starting a hobby (or picking it back up) is another wonderful way to de-stress without turning to unhealthy thoughts or behaviors. Sewing, artwork, reading, hiking – whatever you enjoy, it’s perfectly okay to treat yourself to things that stimulate your mind and connect you with others. For ideas, try searching for local community education classes or meetup groups that interest you – there’s a lot to do and learn!

Moving Toward Balance: Healthy Goals

Caring for Your Spirit

There’s a reason some of the most famous recovery programs in the world acknowledge a higher power very early on. Faith and grace make the impossible possible.

“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”- Matthew 19:26 (NKJV)

Recovery fueled by faith also offers a sense of community, which helps counter the sense of isolation that triggers many relapses into addictive behavior.

If you are interested in knowing more about God who makes all things possible, read this – Learn More About God

We’ve talked with many people who don’t go to church, but who have found comfort and peace from receiving prayer for addiction recovery.

If you’re struggling with addiction, we are here to help. Your healing is possible, and it can begin now.

If you’re struggling with an addiction to prescription medications download this free eBook for help.

Relationship Disasters – What Not to Do: EP 22

Questions to Ask Before Starting to Date

In This Episode:

Even before you begin to date, there are some questions you need to ask yourself and then answer which could save you from a lot of pain, heartache and relationship disasters. In this episode, I talk with Dustin about his unrealistic expectations with dating. Then I talk with Blake, who jumped into dating and a physical relationship way too quickly. Lastly, Jessica and I have a conversation about her dating over 150 guys in one year and how she’s needs to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

Unrealistic Expectations

Dustin met a girl on a dating website. Dustin soon realized he has too much going on to date a girl who lives 2 hours away. Plus, he’s not attracted to her but he’s still dating her.

In my conversation with Dustin, it became clear he had unrealistic expectations about what dating could do for him.

Dustin should have asked himself am I genuinely attracted to this girl or am I settling for less, just so I can be in a relationship?

If you are dating and realize this person is not the one you want to keep dating then don’t drag it out. Sometimes we attempt to keep the relationship going when we should have ended it. Dustin went into the relationship with high expectations, even though she didn’t meet them, he kept dating her anyway. What a mistake! Dustin is settling for a girl he’s not attracted to, just to be in a relationship.

Dustin should also have asked himself, “Do I have enough time and emotional energy to give to the relationship?”

Dustin isn’t in a good place to start a relationship. Why is he even looking for someone right now? He has too much on his plate already. It should be a clue he’s not ready to seriously date. Successful dating relationships take time and can’t be pushed, manipulated, or made into something it’s not. Dustin was trying to force a relationship with her even though she wasn’t the right girl and it wasn’t the right time.

Dustin should have asked himself a very direct question: “Am I looking to this girl to make me feel complete?”

Spiritual and Emotional Completeness

No woman is going to make Dustin feel whole for very long. A true spiritual and emotional completeness comes only from a deep relationship with Jesus Christ. His love never fails us. His wisdom is beyond our wildest imagination. His plans for us are always the best. King David, a great king in the Bible said, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.” Psalm 7: 4-5

God knows our desires and knows what we need, who else can helps us like God? We are easily fooled but God is never. If we seek Him with all of our heart, all our other desires will take care of themselves.

If the person is not the ONE you want to keep dating then don’t drag it out. #relationships Click To Tweet

Jumped into Dating Way Too Quickly

Blake and his girlfriend jumped into dating way too quickly. It became physical even though neither of them intended it to be.

Blake should have asked himself, “Is this relationship spinning out of control?”

Don’t let the powerful feelings of false intimacy, stirred up by the misuse of sex, fool you into thinking you have an awesome relationship. In reality, you don’t! It’s just a matter of time until the whole thing will fall apart. That’s what happened to Blake. They weren’t even friends and didn’t know how to fix it. Sex was a cloud over their relationship that kept it from growing and led it to be out of control. Don’t let that happen to you!

Don’t let false intimacy, stirred up by sex, fool you into thinking you have a great relationship. Click To Tweet

Epitome of a Relationship Disaster

Jessica blew my mind. Here is a young woman who has dated over 150 guys in one year. She said she’s the epitome of a relationship disaster.

Jessica needed to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

She has developed a full-blown addiction to guys. She keeps going with a different guy nearly every night but it doesn’t work. She always comes up empty and yet craving for more. She’s turned guys into a god. There’s no way these guys could ever meet her needs. She’s looking to them to do for her what only God can do.

Carousel of Heartbreak

Don’t ever let someone you are dating turn into a god. Only God can be God. Only God can fill your emptiness. One could date a million guys, still come up empty and still trapped on a carousel of heartbreak. Only Jesus Christ can rescue Jessica from the blinding, cruel carousel. The last thing she needs to do is go after one more guy. She needs a whole new personal healing. She needs to put first things first and get her life out of reverse. Jesus said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

Don’t let who you're dating turn into a god. Only God can be God. Only God can fill your emptiness. Click To Tweet

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

My hope is you will continually ask yourself important questions and be honest with the answers. Be very careful before starting to date because you could end up with scars God never intended you to have. With God’s help, you can develop a healthy, happy dating experience and that is my hope for you.

Resources for Relationships:

Check out my eBooks: Understanding Dating, Getting Over a Broken Heart, Relationship Advice for Girls, and Relationship Advice for Guys.

Check out my blogs: 8 Signs Your Dating Relationship is Unhealthy, Stop the Heartache – 4 Things to Avoid, and It Felt So Right.

Check out these stories of hope from people who have struggled in their relationship: Relationship Issues, and My Relationship, Depression and Then Hope
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.

With God’s help, you can develop a healthy, happy dating experience. @dawsonradio #RelationshipGoals Click To Tweet

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on how to deal with anger. Everybody struggles with it, you, me and the guy down the street and that’s why God speaks about it so much in the Bible. I had a chance to talk with 3 people: Evie, Donald and Matthew about their anger. I think you will be moved by their honesty but also the serious traps they could fall into if they don’t deal with it.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Is Your Toxic Relationship Sucking the Life out of You? EP 21

Above All Else, Guard Your Heart…

In This Episode:

Do you have a relationship sucking the life and energy from you? Maybe you don’t even realize your relationship is dragging you down. If it’s poisoning your self-esteem and happiness then chances are it’s extremely toxic, which means…time to get out! In this episode, I talk with Ashely about all the toxic, hurtful things her messed up boyfriend does to her. Then I talk with Kelsea, who’s boyfriend is sucking the life out of her causing her to be confused and miserable. Lastly, I talk with Jess. He and his girlfriend keep going back to the destructive parts of their relationship causing confusion, hurt and chaos in their relationship.

Hurt Repeatedly

Ashley’s messed up boyfriend has hurt her repeatedly. He’s done many terrible things, including:

Bringing way too much drama to the relationship
Stolen money from Ashley
Left her all alone
Lied to her countless times
Doesn’t take responsibility for his children
Repeatedly breaks his promises

He’s also a player, a user, an abuser and is a guy lacking a conscience. As you can tell, there is no question, Ashley is in a toxic relationship. The longer she stays in it, the more difficult it will be for her to end it.

The good news is Ashley has friends who will support her. She’s not alone. God is with her to help her do what she must do. As scary as it is, Ashley should have a restraining order put on him, and break off all contact, even if it means she must move away. But as long as she gives him hope, he’ll hang around, trying all of his tricks again and again. Ashley needs to cut off all ties with him, no matter what.

Is your relationship sucking the life and energy out of you? #realtionships Click To Tweet

Confused and Miserable

Kelsea’s been dating a guy for 2 years. He’s caused Kelsea to be confused and miserable because:

He like many other toxic people have trust issues.
He is talking to another girl. He even goes to this girl’s apartment alone. He’s told this other girl he has feelings for her, and sends her inappropriate texts and pictures.
He lies to Kelsea repeatedly.
He brings a lot of terrible drama to her life. She finds herself sitting in the counselor’s office at school, crying her eyes out.

It’s all so sad! Kelsea’s boyfriend is toxic and he’s sucking the life right out of her, causing her to be miserable, and confused. So, even though Kelsea is beginning to recognize the cruel things he has done to her, she feels he still loves her. Why would she believe that? No one else does. Everybody else knows he’s a loser but she keeps telling herself lies about him. She fears if she ever faces the truth, she would have to leave him and to her that would be the ultimate heartbreak. She would rather have a crushing, toxic relationship than no relationship at all.

Would you rather have a crushing, toxic relationship than no relationship at all? @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

It Takes Courage to Leave a Toxic Relationship

Sometimes when people are single, they feel like they’ve failed. But really, they are just without a boyfriend or girlfriend at the time. It’s not forever. They tie their self-worth to if they have a relationship with someone. Their whole self-esteem cries out, “Better to be in a toxic relationship than be single.” That, of course, is a lie.

It takes far more courage to leave a toxic relationship and be single and healthy than to stay in the toxic relationship. There will always be people to date but the question is, who is this person? Am I growing when I’m with them? Am I just going to plow into another relationship unprotected and clamoring to meet needs the other person can’t meet?

It takes courage to leave a toxic #relationship and be single and healthy than to stay. @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

Mixed Signals and Obsession

Jess and his girlfriend have drama and chaos in their relationship. They are sleeping together causing confusion and hurt. They find themselves going back to the destructive part of their relationship.

His girlfriend’s hurting him by acting like she loves him again and then breaks it off. This is not healthy. There’s too much confusion with her mixed signals and his obsession to be with her. Their relationship is toxic.

If you don’t break off a toxic relationship, you are feeding it, making matters worse. Toxic relationships never die on their own. Someone has to put an end to the whole thing and that’s never easy. But in the future, you’ll be able to look back and say why did it take so long for me to end it?

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

The Bible commands we are to guard our hearts but few people really do. Most don’t stop to ask the hard questions or show a willingness to even consider who the other person is, or whether or not they bring toxicity with them. People will always pay a price when they jump into a relationship without first committing to guard their heart.

The Bible in Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” God says for us to guard our hearts above all things. That means YOU need to guard your own heart, no one else will do it for you.

If you are in a toxic relationship, it’s not too late for you to start to guard your heart. It’s time to break off ties with someone who is only bringing you pain and heartache. Then ask God to heal your brokenness and commit to guarding your heart. Ask God for wisdom to do all of this. as Jesus said, “Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” Matthew 10:16.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. - Proverbs 4:23 Click To Tweet

Resources for Identifying a Toxic Relationship:

Check out my eBook: Understanding Dating.
Check out my blogs: The Toxic Poison of Jealousy, How to Know It’s Really Love, How to Spot a Toxic Friend, and What All Relationships Need to Survive
Check out these stories of hope from people who have struggled in their relationship: Relationship Issues, and My Relationship, Depression and Then Hope
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on questions you need to ask yourself before you start dating someone. Questions which could save you from a lot of pain and heartache. In this episode, I talk with Dustin about his unrealistic expectations with dating. Then I talk with Blake, who jumped into dating and a physical relationship way too quickly. Lastly, Jessica and I have a conversation about her dating over 150 guys in one year and how she’s needs to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

How To Move On From Your Ex : EP 17

Getting Over Your Ex is Not Easy

In This Episode:

You’ve been in a relationship with someone and now that relationship is over. You have ties to that person which are hard to break. Sometimes, it’s tremendously harder to move on from them than you thought it would be. If you’re having a hard time moving on from your ex, join me as I speak with Anthony, Jessica, and Keith, each of them trying to get over their ex! You might just find some advice that works for you as well.

I Can’t Stop Thinking About Her

Anthony’s ex-girlfriend told his current girlfriend he was cheating on her with her (his ex). His girlfriend believed his ex, so they decided to break it off and just be friends. But now, Anthony can’t stop thinking about her.

Anthony thought his relationship with his girlfriend was much stronger than it turned out to be. They had only been in a relationship a few months. It was hardly enough time for them to build a solid foundation. Every relationship is tested in some way. When their relationship was tested, it crumbled.

What Anthony’s ex did was wrong. No one, including Anthony needs their reputation trashed. But in the end, it became a blessing. It helped bring to light the trust issues his girlfriend had and his obsessiveness in their relationship.

They both had their reasons for breaking up and agreed they needed to be just friends. But, once Anthony realized the relationship with his girlfriend was truly over, he began to obsess. He became emotionally overwhelmed with what he could not have, which was her.

What he needed to do was go back over the reasons they decided to break up to begin with. All the reasons are still there. He should let his obsessive feelings go, even though he doesn’t feel like it. The sooner he lets go, the quicker he will stop obsessing over his ex-girlfriend. And the sooner he’ll be able to walk away completely.

Can't stop thinking about your ex? You can walk away completely. @dawsonradio #relationships Click To Tweet

He Broke Up with Me and I Didn’t Take It Well

Jessica’s boyfriend broke up with her but she knew there was still something between them. He started dating a girl 10 days after breaking up with her. Then a bit later, Jessica and he started having sex even though he was with another girl. Jessica said she’s still wants him so she’s willing to put up with being used. The problem is that whatever he’s saying to Jessica, he’s staying to this other girl. Whatever he’s doing to Jessica, he’s doing to his girlfriend as well.

So, many people know their relationship is over but they try to prop it up anyway. Most of the time it doesn’t work and ends up in a lot of heartache. In Jessica’s case, she tried to prop up her relationship with her ex with sex.

Jessica is shifting the blame and saying it’s okay for her to have sex with her ex, because this other girl took her boyfriend away from her. What she’s saying is, I’m willing to disrespect myself to get what I need which is feeling loved by him again.

Instead, Jessica needs to stop having sex with her ex so she can walk away with self-respect. Sex will not meet her deepest needs or bring her boyfriend back. Her ex doesn’t have the capacity to meet her deepest needs. He became tired of her before, and he’ll get tired of her again. People ask too much of their exes. They ask them to meet needs only God can meet.

If you want to know more about having a meaningful relationship with God, check out my podcast episode number 9. You can hear how Ronnie’s life was changed and how yours can too.

People know their #relationship is over but they try to prop it up anyway with #sex. @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

I Can’t Find Reasons To Move On

Keith feels stuck in a rut. He split up with his girlfriend 2 years ago. They were 6 months away from being married but things deteriorated and their relationship ended. Keith keeps thinking about what could have been if they hadn’t broken up. He said he can’t find reasons to move on.

If you are not over your ex after 2 years, something is wrong. What could keep him obsessing that long?

It’s because they became serious way too quickly. They were acting like they were married, but the relationship did not hold together. Once you start acting like you’re married, you’re in deep. It may be fun to act that way, but it causes a lot of pressure on the relationship. Slow down, the action will happen soon enough.

There is a common problem with people who can’t get over their ex:

They are not remembering their ex the way they really were.
They are remembering a fantasy of their ex.
They keep the fantasy going by saving all the mementos of their ex.

It’s difficult to throw away memories of the past but Keith will continue to have a difficult time with his emotions if he doesn’t.

Walking away isn’t easy when you thought you were in love but in reality, you weren’t. It’s the truth that sets us free. It’s time for Keith to believe the truth his relationship is over so he can get on with the rest of his life. There is so much more to live for.

Walking away isn’t easy when you thought you were in love but in reality, you weren’t. @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Just about everybody will walk away from an ex at one time or another. So many people living in the past, obsessing over something that wasn’t even a reality. Ask yourself, am I living in the truth or am I in a fantasy? That’s a difficult question to answer but if you can answer yourself truthfully then you can get on with the rest of your life.

Resources for Getting Over Your Ex:

Take a look at my eBooks: Getting Over a Broken Heart and Understanding Dating
Check out my blogs: 7 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Over Your Ex, Ever Heard of Love Addiction?, It’s OK to be Single, and When An Ex Won’t Leave You Alone
Check out other’s stories about relationships: Bad Break Up and Unhealthy Relationships, Relationship From TheHopeLine, and My Relationship, Depression and Then Hope
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on gambling addiction. The love of money is so gripping, it can cause us to wander away from God and lead us into all kinds of trouble, where we have broken hearts with many sorrows. And we don’t just break our own hearts but also those near to us. In this episode I speak with Mike, Paris, and David each of them dealing with troubles, stemming from their gambling addictions.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Lust Invaded Breanna’s Relationship: EP 4

How to Stop Lust from Invading Your Life.

In This Episode:

Everyone who’s currently dating or hopes to have a relationship, needs to ask themselves this question… Am I allowing desire to take over my relationships or even my life? Lust is extremely powerful and often misunderstood, causing all kinds of confusion. Some people get caught up in the excitement and have no idea where it’s going to take them or how dangerous it is.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

The effects of lust can have lasting effects on you and your life. Breanna’s relationship fell apart after she decided to have sex. Have you had a relationship fail because of lust? Maybe you’ve lusted after something, like money, food, beauty, sex, etc. I hope this episode helps you see more clearly where you may struggle with lust so that you can begin to deal with it.

Resources for help with lust:

Take a look at my blogs: Am I in Lust?, Why Lust is Destructive, Comparing Love vs. Lust, Guard Your Heart Dating Relationships
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor
Need prayer? We have people that will pray for you at ThePrayerZone

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

The next episode is about how to know when you’re in love.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Abbie’s Love Addiction: EP 1

What Does It Mean to Have a Love Addiction?

In This Episode:

“So, Dawson, what does it mean to be a love addict?” I’m glad you asked. A love addict is someone who seeks to maintain a relationship, no matter how unhealthy or one-sided it may be, in the hope of receiving love and acceptance. A love addict almost always has deep emotional hurts somewhere in their past – wounds of which they may be unaware. They believe, often subconsciously, that only a consuming relationship can heal that hurt.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Perhaps you saw yourself or a friend of yours in the story we just listened to. Maybe you’re realizing for the first time that you need to take some steps to get healthy.

Resources for Love Addiction:

Take a look at my blog series on love addiction
For more help download the free Understanding Dating eBook
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor
Need prayer? We have people that will pray for you at ThePrayerZone

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you liked this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Next Week’s Podcast is on Father Hunger.

See you next week and whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!

Dawson

Owning Love Addiction

by Dawson McAllister

Do I own my love addiction?

Click here for the definition of love addiction. Breaking the chains of love addiction might be one of the most difficult battles to fight. True, there is no physical withdrawal from breaking love addiction. But the emotional effects of trying to break away are all but overwhelming. Love addiction attacks us at the core of our being. It touches our heart, the very seat of our emotions and affections. There may be nothing more powerful in our lives than the desire to love and be loved. That is why it is so important we take care of our hearts, and not go crazy trying to meet our deepest needs in ways that can be destructive for a lifetime.

Last week, we talked about the words of King Solomon when he said, Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. How I wish each of us had heeded the words of the wisest man in the Bible. How many tearful nights and broken hearts could have been saved. There have been literally millions of people who have ruined their lives with destructive relationships, all the while thinking they had found love and sold their souls to keep it.

Some of the signs of love addiction are:

finding it unbearable or emotionally difficult to be alone
choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable and/or verbally or physically abusive

Mariah said, “I got out of rehab for heroin and replaced that habit with what I now know is love addiction. I had never heard of this term before tonight. I listened to your radio show, and realized that I am most definitely a love addict. My boyfriend is abusive, but I am a slave to him, and for the most part, I don’t care. I am terrified of being alone.” She is honest about moving from one addiction (heroin) to another (love addiction).

So what can we do to break this love addiction that’s not really love at all? Real love never destroys, but only builds up.

To break love addiction we must own it.
What do I mean when I say, we must OWN our addictions? According to the dictionary, one definition of to own is, to acknowledge or to admit. To break the cruel chains of love addiction, one must acknowledge and admit he/she is a full-blown love addict.

To break the cruel chains of love addiction, one must acknowledge and admit he/she is a love addict. That means there’s no denial, cover up, pretending, or head games with ourselves. It means to agree from the very core of our being that love addiction has taken over our lives. This is never easy to do.

Amy said, “I believe it is hard for people to admit due to the fact that they may not see it. Once they do that’s when their world comes crashing down. No one wants to believe they are with someone due to trying to run and/or hide from deep emotions.” When we own our addiction, we are saying some pretty tough things about ourselves.

3 Things that are not easy to admit when you have love addiction.

No one wants to own the fact their life may be sadly empty.
None of us want to admit that due to our past or bad choices we often feel dead inside and only have a sense of being alive when we have the excitement of a boyfriend/girlfriend.
No one wants to own the fact they were the victim of early abandonment when they were children.
Almost all love addicts were in some way abandoned by their caretakers when they were young. Just the thought of being abandoned and not being able to do anything about it can lead them to panic, fear, rage, and despair.
No one wants to own the fact they have been living in a fantasy world.
Most all love addicts live in a fantasy world, and in that fantasy there is someone who will rescue them or make them feel completely loved, protected, secure, and full of value. Healthy relationships are wonderful and a gift from God, but no relationship can meet all those needs. As I say to callers on my radio show, There is no Santa Claus, or Easter Bunny, and no boyfriend/girlfriend can meet your deepest needs.It is so very difficult to let go of your fantasies and admit they weren’t true and will never happen.

I have listed just a few of the facts we must own in order to break the chains of love addiction.

How to Find a Meaningful Relationship

by Dawson McAllister

We all want it. A deep meaningful relationship.

The problem is the prized treasure of a meaningful relationship is something that takes a lot of time and hard work on the part of both people in the relationship. And in our society of instant gratification, working patiently for something isn’t the norm. We think we can have whatever we want, when we want it. But in relationships a meaningful bond with someone simply cannot happen overnight.

You can become infatuated with someone overnight. You can have your lusting desires filled instantly. But you can’t build a deep, long-lasting relationship without investing a considerable amount of time into another person.

Here’s why…

It takes patience, commitment and a rock-solid foundation that begins as a tried and tested friendship in order to get to a place of trust, respect, and mutual love with another person. It takes putting the other person first, and letting go of your own selfish desires. This is why I encourage you to take the time to really get to know someone before you begin dating them. I promise you that discovering a meaningful relationship built on mutual respect and selfless love is worth the wait.

Many people don’t have the patience to let a relationship develop. They want to rush into things, because being in a close relationship can feel like the ultimate high. Many times people imagine a relationship to be better than it really is, just so they can feel in love,a sort of cloudy, fuzzy, state of giddiness that makes everything else in life seem small and boring in comparison.

Yet there is a danger of rushing in and adding sex to an undeveloped, uncommitted relationship. When sex is added too quickly, the natural progress of the relationship is thrown all out of whack. Sex is an act of completely giving yourself to another person and to be that vulnerable with someone before you really know them leads to anxiety and questions such as, Is this relationship only based on sex or does he/she really love me?This can cause a cloud to hang over them, one that can often ruin their relationship.

Let love, rather than selfishness, be your guide. Click To Tweet

How are you going to find a meaningful relationship? Just remember, real love involves a growing relationship, and any amount of growth takes time and attention. Not every relationship is worth the time. And if you take things slow you will discover this before you are in too deep.

My prayer is that you will find that relationship. Protect it for all its worth because it is worth it. Nurture the relationship, take care of it, and do things that will let you get to know each other. Let God be your foundation, and let love, rather than selfishness, be your guide.

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.

Guard Your Heart Dating Relationships

by Dawson McAllister

Have you been told, “Always guard your heart”?

Be sure to guard your heart can be good advice. But I find it a little vague. It begs the question, “what precisely am I guarding my heart from? And how would I go about protecting it?” I would like to spend some time looking into these questions further because if we can figure out how to protect our hearts, I believe we can avoid a lot of pain and problems.

So first…What do you need to guard your heart from? I believe the main thing that we are protecting our hearts from is believing lies from the world…lies about:

our value
what brings happiness
how to spend our time
what is good
what is beautiful
what’s most important
who’s most important, etc.

So then how do you guard your heart from all these lies?

Well this may sound too simple, but we need to fill our hearts with TRUTH and believe it, so that when a LIE comes our way we are ready to fight it off with the Truth.

In all my years working with teens and young adults I have combatted so many lies that have caused extreme heartache. I would like to tackle many of these lies in a blog series called Guard your heart.

So let’s start today with the first thing that comes to most people’s mind when they think of protecting their hearts…dating relationships.

Lie #1 – I am valuable only when I have a boyfriend/girlfriend who says they love me.

Truth – You are valuable because you are fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves you. Your value does not depend on another person’s opinion of you.
Heart Protection – By believing this truth, your heart is protected from feeling worthless when a relationship ends. I recently heard it said, If you live for someone’s praise, you die by their rejection.Know that your boyfriend/girlfriend didn’t define your value. God does.

Lie #2 – I can ignore my boyfriend/girlfriend’s bad behaviors. I will be able to change them.

Truth – A disrespectful person will most likely stay disrespectful, an addict will often stay an addict, a cheater will often stay a cheater until THEY decide to change. You can encourage someone to make better choices, support them and pray for them, but don’t think your love alone will change them.
Heart Protection – When you believe this truth, you won’t ignore bad behaviors and naively believe the other person will change. You will protect your heart from getting too deep into a relationship with someone who will hurt you.

Lie #3 – Having sex is no big deal. Everybody’s doing it.

Truth – Sex is a big deal. It is not just a physical act. It is deeply emotional. Rushing into sex because of raging hormones clouds your judgment of the other person and can lead to a relationship built on nothing more than lust. You are strong enough to wait.
Heart Protection – If you believe the truth that you are strong enough and worthy enough to wait to have sex until you are married, you will save your heart from feeling empty or perhaps used or cheap when the relationship ends. Read more on my blog A Condom for the Heart

Start planting these three truths in your heart today and save yourself a lot of heartache!
Next in the series – Two more lies people believe in dating relationships

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.

Ever Heard of Love Addiction?

by Dawson McAllister

I have talked to nearly 30,000 teenagers and young adults in my career. Talk radio is what I do. I love it and I’m totally committed to those who call me. But I don’t always understand some of the people who call. It’s like we are talking on two different wave lengths and I know I’m not getting through. I realized that some of the most frustrating calls were from people who were addicted to love.

I was struggling to understand why people who were being completely used in a relationship wouldn’t leave their partner. Why did they seem to be totally set against doing what they ought to do to get help or healing? Why did they refuse to get off the road that was leading them to heartbreak and destruction.

I could never understand how a guy could treat a girl so awful. He’ll hit her, make fun of her, cheat on her, get her pregnant and leave, and yet the girl does everything in her power to keep him or get him back. I used to want to say to these girls, “Why can’t you see it?! Are you blind? If you can’t see he’s using you, then maybe you deserve what you get. “ I know that doesn’t sound very loving, but that’s how I felt.

But one day, I decided to learn as much about being addicted to love as I possibly could. In my research I have learned love addiction can strike either sex and it is every bit as powerful and destructive as drugs, gambling, alcohol, eating disorders, or cutting. Now I understand better about love addiction and can spot it almost every time a love addict calls my show. Now I know why love addicts won’t respond to the simple solution to their problem drop him/her.
The feelings of a love addict are just as false as those of a drug addict. #loveaddiction Click To Tweet

So what is a love addiction?

A love addiction is a lot like other addictions in that a person obsessively and compulsively tries to relieve or medicate the deep pain in their life with feeling loved. In fact, the feelings of a love addict are just as false as the false feel goods a drug can bring to a drug addict.

If you are a love addict, you think you cannot live without the other person and you will do just about anything to keep the relationship alive.

I think if you’re addicted to love then that means once you’re in a relationship you can’t live without that person and you will do whatever you can to stay in a relationship…(Riah)

Some teens don’t get the love they want from home or friends so they plunge themselves into relationships that will never work out. They crave love so much that it blinds them and makes them so desperate that they’ll try to find it anywhere possible.(Jessica) Jessica understands that many a love addict comes out of a troubled home where there wasn’t nearly enough love, and she’s right. She also understands just how desperate a love addict can be. Many go from partner to partner terrified of being alone.

Using Riah’s, Jessica’s, and my definition of a love addict, let’s put together one big definition of a love addiction. A love addiction is when a person obsessively and compulsively tries to relieve or medicate the deep pain in their life through a romantic relationship. They plunge themselves into relationships that will never work. Once they’re in a relationship, they feel they can’t live without the other person and will do whatever they have to do to stay in the relationship. The love addict craves what they think is the feeling of love so intensely, it blinds them and makes them desperate to find and keep it anyway possible.

Are you a love addict?

Look at some of the qualities of a love addict to try to see if you might be one. Be honest with yourself. One of the main characteristics of a love addict is denial.

A Love Addict:

Lives in a fantasy world.
Wants to be rescued from their empty life.
Pushes their partner to meet needs only God can meet.
Tends to worship their partner.
Confuses sexual attraction with love.
Craves to be consumed with his/her partner.
Lacks attention and nurturing when they were young.
Feels detached and isolated from family.
Is highly manipulative and controlling of others.
Has inner rage over lack of nurturing and early abandonment.
Tries to avoid abandonment at any cost.
Confuses the drama in the relationship as love.
Feels being in a romantic relationship will make them whole.
Has an obsessive drive to leave one relationship for another.
Uses relationship and sex to alter their mood and relieve emotional pain.
Trades sexual activity for what they think is love.

What’s Next?

If you are a love addict or know somebody who is, I want you to know there is hope. Literally thousands of people have broken away from the bondage of love addiction and learned what real love is. Love is a powerful gift given to us from God. In fact, God is love. But when we mishandle or confuse love for something false, heartbreak comes.

Liz’s comment clearly explains how a love addict feels: I was in this long term relationship with this guy and I convinced myself I couldn’t live without him. I had to talk to him every night or I couldn’t sleep. Now that we have broken up, I realized the only reason it felt like I couldn’t live without him was because I was addicted to love. He treated me like I wasn’t even his friend in public, but I put up with it because I wanted to feel loved. When [he told me he] loved me every night, it made me feel like a completely different person, made me feel untouchable for that split second. Everyone thrives to hear those words. That’s why it is so easy to [become] addicted to love because whether you love that person or not, it feels good to hear it.(Liz)

Why do people become love addicts? Check out my post on LOVE ADDICTION AND ABANDONMENT

Comparing Love vs. Lust

by Dawson McAllister

Love Gives, Lust Takes

A relationship based on lust can be devastating. It’s impossible to know how many people’s lives have been really messed up because of lust. I do know lust has left a lot of people as hurting victims. Amy sent me a poem this week about lust. It’s pretty deep. Got me thinking. Thought you might like it.

I desire in the moment, not in the heart
I chose to spend a night with you,
But those hours were spent in lust,
I felt your passion,
Touched by dominance,
I felt something in me I stared into your eyes,
But after the moments over I begin to despise,
I have a heart that believes the words you say,
I don’t know how I will be able to walk away,
But I praise myself if I don’t think of you today.
My dreams wander to the person I love,
You constantly reappear,
I force myself to vomit thoughts of you,
I slip into sinful fantasies,
But the night is a painful reminder,
That I remain alone.- Amy

How To Know It’s Really Love

Love is every bit as beautiful as lust is ugly. Lust causes so much confusion it can lead you in the opposite direction of where love is. So you go down the road of lust thinking you will find love only to find emptiness and a craving for more love. I appreciate the comment Dara sent me. Her words were honest, straightforward, and cold as ice. That’s what lust will do to you turn you into someone as cold as ice. I hate being alone and find lust easier than love. Lust does hurt, each and every time. I know what the outcome will be and [yet] I still touch the hot stove with my bare hand. Maybe for girls, all women, all ages that are dealing with and understanding what I’m saying I leave you with this one thought…… We have to LUST TO FIND LOVE, the world is cold and when we find something warm it feels so good so we lust. Lust to me is what you have to go through to find your love, the world isn’t a perfect place. Problem is lust seldom leads to love.

So what are the differences between love and lust that would make them such opposites? There are far too many differences for me to list in one blog, but a few will suffice.

Love

Lust

Is a passionate and deep affection for the other person.

Is an intense craving for sexual desire.

Is patient and can wait to give. As someone once said, True love waits.

Can’t wait to get. It is demanding and impulsive like someone screaming in your ear, I want it now!

Is a decision we make. It is an act of the will with undying commitment.

Is immersed in emotion and cravings that refuse to make a commitment that will last.

Wants the best for the other person.

Wants to be with someone only for what they can offer you.

Doesn’t expect anything. Is unconditional.

Is conditional and will only survive if it gets what it wants.

Learns to trust.

Is jealous and suspicious.

Gives freedom to the other.

Seeks to control and manipulate.

Does not get angry easily.

Quickly turns to rage and attacks.

Always protects.

Takes to tear down and destroy.

Never rude but treats the other with immense respect.

Shows no respect and is cruel.

Is always kind looking for ways to show the other its true self.

Is always trying to hide its true nature by deceiving and manipulating.

It is true that lust causes confusion, sometimes fooling us and luring us into its trap. But most of the time, we recognize lust for what it is and choose to follow it blindly. Somehow we hope lust will bring us to a happy ending. It never does. It can’t. It does not know how. Lust will never change. It will always be what it is.

Love wants to lead us to the right path where there is happiness, hope, and a deep sense of self-respect. Click To Tweet

Love never changes either. Love wants to lead us to the right path where there is happiness, hope, and a deep sense of self-respect. Love always gives because God is love. So ask yourself again, Am I in love or am I fooling myself all the while walking into the cruel trap of lust? The decision is ours and will always be so. Will we walk down the road of love or lust? How we answer this question will dictate what our lives will become. Choose love.

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.

Why Lust is Destructive

by Dawson McAllister

2 Reasons Lust Is Destructive

Everyone currently dating needs to ask the question…Am I in love or am I in lust? Whatever you do, don’t mess up on this question or you will walk into a world of hurt.

Lust literally means over-desire. It is when you take something that is good, twist it, and add cravings to it so you are consumed until you are gratified. When we speak of lust as it relates to relationships with the opposite sex, it can be defined this way – when a person’s body is far more important to you than his or her soul.

Love is the foundation our families and society are based on. Lust is just a physical emotion that we act upon when we get caught up in the moment. However, most of us fall in love with someone we find physically attractive. Because of this, hurt and confusion can easily be caused when you or your partner confuse love and lust with each other. Lust is an intense sexual desire or appetite that is based on self-gratification and has little to do with true feelings for the other person. As someone once said, “Lust is as different from love as night is from day.”That’s because love is an act of the will, covered with a deeply passionate and tender affection for another person. Lust wants to get, love longs to give.

Lust is as different from love as night is from day. #chooselove Click To Tweet

This week, I want to blog on the destructiveness of lust because it’s easy to think, “So what’s the problem with lust?” After all, it is all around us, in songs, movies, advertisements, etc. Lust sells because it appeals to the dark side of us that only wants to get.

Here are two serious problems with relationships built on lust…

It is based on extreme self-indulgence, not caring about the other person. Someone once said, “Hate is the opposite of love.”That is true, but so is self-indulgence. Love can hardly wait to give. Lust can hardly wait to get. Lust turns people into liars, deceivers, and manipulators. Their actions towards others are based on the craving to get. Just as a junkie will do about anything to get his fix, so someone steeped in lust will do about anything to be self-gratified. I received an incredible, insightful comment from Sarah. She said, I dated guy after guy who would only tell me that they loved me when we were being physical. That was when they loved me. The rest of the time I was an object of abuse and rejection. Sarah was wrong in one sense. She said, “They loved me when we were being physical.”She should have said, “They loved themselves when we were being physical and I was the object of their gratification.”Lust is always ugly because it is self-indulgent and self-centeredness is never a pretty thing.
It abandons the other person when it is no longer getting what it wants. I can’t tell you how many times girls have called me on my radio show to announce they were pregnant, their boyfriend is long gone, and they are left all alone. I call it Sex and run.I hate hit and run accidents because the person who is running is showing zero responsibility towards the person he/she hit. Lust that causes sex and run is even worse. As soon as lust no longer gets what it wants and is forced to face responsibility, it runs…leaving heartbreak in its path. Sex and run is an ugly thing full of selfishness and irresponsibility. I have been in this situation a couple of times. I went out with a guy for a year and a half which ended up being a waste of time. I thought I loved him but really I just loved being with someone cause I was afraid of being alone. He only wanted me for my body… that was all. I didn’t give it to him so he cheated on me for a long time.(Samantha) It’s amazing to me how quickly people in lust scatter when they figure out their lust will not be gratified. Aimee Rose sent me a really cool comment I had never thought of before. She said something like this, I’ve heard you can never fall out of ‘love’, but you can always fall out of a lust. You’re right on the money Aimee Rose. Lust will die in an instant if it is not being fed. In fact, lust can turn to anger when it is rejected. About 6 months ago I was with this guy and I thought it was love. I mean he said all the right things done all the right things. I really thought I was in love but it turned out that relationship was no were near love. We had a lot of fights and arguments about sex because he was ready and I wasn’t. Well he didn’t get what he wanted so he up and left. For a long time I was dazed and confused but finally I got to thinking that if that was love then he wouldn’t of cared about sleeping with me he would of just gotten pleasure from being around me(Lisa M.)

Lust attacks not only guys, but females as well. So always keep your eyes open for it so you can do all you can to protect yourself from this destructive monster. You deserve so much better. You are worth so much more. Remember, lust kills, but love brings life.

Am I in Lust?

by Dawson McAllister

Don’t Confuse Love and Lust

I find so many people who call my radio show confused between lust and love. Love is the most abused word in the human language often being used instead of what it really is lust. Lust can cause deep confusion and destruction. So often I will hear a caller say, “I am in love.”When in reality, it is not love at all. Sometimes it’s infatuation. Other times it’s nothing more than raw lust. There are times I want to yell into the microphone at my studio and say to the caller, “Don’t call it love because it’s not!”

As you read this blog, I want you to really think with me on what I’m about to say. It may challenge your thinking and feelings, but in the end it could clear up a lot of confusion and save you from a lot of pain.

So what is lust? Lust literally means to over desire. It is when you take something that is good, twist it, and add cravings to it until you are consumed with what you want to have. When we speak of lust as it relates to relationships with the opposite sex, it can be defined this way – “when a person’s body is far more important than their soul.”

I received some awesome definitions of lust from some in my radio audience:

Lust is selfishly dwelling on and fantasizing about sexual activities or entertaining sexually arousing thoughts with no thoughts of the other person’s feelings. Love doesn’t lust.(Jonathan)
Lust is when you look at someone with passion for their body. And don’t really see who they truly are or who they want to be other than your trophy and toy.(Megan)
Love lasts forever, but lust only lasts for awhile.(Deanna)

Love lasts forever, but lust only lasts for awhile. #chooselove Click To Tweet

As I researched this topic of lust, I have found many definitions. I have listed some below.

Lust…

Causes the brain to produce the same reaction as if on cocaine or speed. Lust really is like a drug, it leaves you wanting more. (Dr. Jon Marsden – Director of the National Addiction Center)
Comes quickly and leaves quickly.
Only wants to get into bed with you.
Is a craving for self gratification, usually sexual.
Focuses only on the outward appearance.
Is impatient.
Is rude and manipulates.
Seeks to get and never give.
Self-centered.
Doesn’t care about others.
Is jealous and insecure.
Seeks revenge and doesn’t forgive.
Covers up and lies about wrongdoings.
Will do whatever it wants to get its way.
Leaves when it’s no longer getting.

Lust seeks to get and never give. Click To Tweet

Every person who has ever dated or lived has struggled with lust. If you haven’t yet, you will. But you can resist entering into a relationship built on lust. With an understanding of what lust is and it’s selfish motivations, you can say no to a lust-driven relationship and choose love instead. You deserve love.

Have you ever liked someone a lot and found out they only wanted you for your body? Have you ever thought you loved someone but realized it was only lust? Share your thoughts below. I want to hear from you.

Your Friend,
Dawson

Trading Love Addiction For Meaningful Relationships

by Dawson McAllister

Moving forward from Love Addiction

I have been thinking about how devastating it is when a love addict finally admits and owns his/her love addiction. Is it any wonder people hang on to their addictions for all they’re worth because, if you finally admit you are a love addict and your relationship is based on faulty thinking and feelings, then where do you go? You give up your boyfriend/girlfriend because the relationship is toxic, harmful, and scarring. Let’s look at how we can trade our love addiction for a healthy, meaningful relationship.

I get that it’s scary to get out of a relationships and be left totally alone with a deafening silence and ache deep within your soul. But you must not believe the lie that your next relationship will be any different if you don’t first pause and examine yourself and past relationships. You’ve talked yourself in to a love treadmill that leads to exhaustion and takes you nowhere.

Related Posts:

Is there a Cure for Love Addiction

Love Addiction and Abandonment

Walking Away from Love Addiction

So what should you do?

How can you stay sane when you do not have a significant other or someone in your life?

6 Steps to Prepare Yourself for a Meaningful Relationship:

Work on being alone.

It’s going to be hard, but accept yourself for who you are without a boyfriend/girlfriend to prop you up. Spend time with God. Spend time with other friends whom you are not romantically interested in. It is amazing how free you’ll feel not having that panicked feeling that you have to have someone in your life. You must have an accurate sense of who you are, your own identity. Someone who is too caught up in their own insecurities and short-comings will live with a “me” mentality. A great relationship starts with being comfortable with who God has made you to be and His dream for your life, and then allowing that to overflow into the life of another.(Sarah)
Talk about your bend towards love addiction with friends or a minister or counselor.

Just talking about these things will help you more clearly understand yourself and realize you are not alone. Talk to someone who will talk loving, but straight with you. In time, you will learn an incredible truth it’s okay to be alone. You will not die without a boyfriend/girlfriend. Life does go on. There is more to life than an addictive, toxic relationship. Without all the emotional panic and crazed feelings, you can begin to slow down and actually enjoy life for what it is. Is this easy? No. It will take time to learn a whole new way of thinking and acting.
Work on developing new friendships with people from both sexes that do not have any romantic overtones to them.

I’ve always thought people of the opposite sex need to be together just to hang out as friends. This will not only help fill the need for companionship, but will also help you understand what the opposite sex thinks and feels about the key issues of life. You can learn a lot about the opposite sex through good friends, especially when there isn’t the pressure to have some dramatic, big time love relationship. Let’s face it, if you are a love addict you definitely need a rest from all the drama and intensity of an impossible relationship. You are no doubt tired. Finding new friends will help give you the rest and relief you need to look more clearly at yourself and think about the kind of person you would like to have a romantic relationship with.
Slowly work your way back into a dating relationship.

The important thing to remember here is to slow down and not force things. A lot of times, a person you will really come to love will come into your life when you weren’t even looking for them. It’s amazing how that works, but I have heard hundreds of people tell me they found the one they love the most when they weren’t looking for them. To find a boyfriend/girlfriend out of panic is a recipe for disaster. So slow down and let life come to you.

God will fill the hole in our soul, and help lead us to the right person to date at the right time.
Develop a meaningful relationship with God.

No matter what you think about church or organized religion, the fact is you and I are wired to have a meaningful relationship with God. He is the only One who can give us peace and confidence when we feel alone. Because in a real sense, we are not totally alone if we have a relationship with God. God will fill the hole in our soul, and help lead us to the right person to date at the right time. He loves us millions of times more than we can ever love ourselves. We need to turn our whole desire to be loved over to Him. After all, He is the very essence of love. Take time to find and know God. He alone will transform our lives.
Begin to look for healthy qualities in the people you meet.

You don’t need to date one more troubled, self-indulgent, toxic person. You need to change your whole way of thinking about kind of person you might want to date with. For example, Sarah had thought through the kind of person she would like to date.A good relationship takes an equal amount of commitment from each partner. You have to allow your partner their personal space, allow them to spend time with their friends instead of always wanting to know where they are. There also needs to be equal understanding and support from both partners. You have to appreciate your partner’s positives as well as their negatives. Relationships are mainly about equilibrium and stability between the partners.(Sara)

I totally agree with what Sarah said. Don’t settle for second best.

I want to end this series of blogs where I began, with the wise words of King Solomon recorded in the Bible. He said, Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

For more information and help with Dating Relationships and Love Addiction, check out our free eBook!

Walking Away From Love Addiction

by Dawson McAllister

I’ve been talking about love addiction for quite sometime now. Believe it or not, I’m going to wrap up this subject pretty soon. I’ve talked about it longer than just about any other subject because I’m convinced that love addiction is the #1 addiction people face.

It may be hard to identify, but it’s consuming and destructive all the same. A love addict obsessively and compulsively tries to relieve or medicate the deep pain in their life through romantic relationships. Once in a relationship, they feel they can’t live without the other person and will do whatever they have to do to keep the relationship going. If that doesn’t work, they panic and will do whatever they have to do to get into a new relationship.

I’ve been amazed at how many people have commented to me that for the very first time, they understand they are truly in a love addiction. I’m not really all that sure if I’m a love addict or not. From the list of symptoms that you gave I see that I have most of them. I really think I am though. It’s tough when you finally realize something like this. It’s tough to realize that you’re addicted to anything.(Jeannie)

I also received another comment where a blog reader realized they are a love addict. It’s like a light goes on in their head and a whole new world opens up to them. I have listened to your show and read the topic for this week for the first time tonight. After all of it I think I have realized that I too am addicted to love. Wow…it has put everything into perspective for me.(Emily)

Walking Away from Love Addiction

Last week, I talked about how we must own our love addiction and the lies that go with it. We must truly admit to ourselves we have believed lies which keep us from being set free from the frantic search of always needing a romantic relationship to feel whole. This is never easy, because it takes a lot of courage to accept that our beliefs have lied to us and played us like a fool.

Three things that are necessary, but hard to accept

It is hard to accept that our self-esteem is so low that we often demand our partner be like a god and meet our every need.No one wants to feel helpless and end up all but worshipping someone who in the end will leave us behind. We were designed to worship God, not our boyfriend/girlfriend. Yet time after time, we are deceived into thinking somehow if we meet that next partner, they will be perfect and all our needs will be met through them.
It is hard to accept we’re on an emotional treadmill which leads to nowhere but exhaustion. If you are a love addict, you will see your dating relationships tend to have a pattern to them. Stop and think for a while. How has every dating relationship that has failed you started and ended? You will see you have been doing the same thing with the same emotions, ending up with the same sad results, time and time again. But many of us have been running on the treadmill so long we don’t even realize we’re not going anywhere.
It is hard to accept that love addiction leaves us confused about the emotions we carry for the other person. Almost every love addict confuses what is happening in the relationship with love. For example, most love addicted relationships are full of drama. Most love addicts confuse the drama of a relationship with the devotion of the other person. Just because there is a lot of excitement and drama taking place does not necessarily mean your partner is devoted to you. Most love addicted relationships also are very intense. The addict confuses the intensity of the relationship for intimacy. They are not the same, not even close. Other love addicts get heavily involved sexually with their partner. They think the deep emotion stirred by sex is really love. They confuse the sex they are having with their partner with a sense of security. The feelings of sex make them want to be closer and closer to their boyfriend/girlfriend, therefore feeling extremely secure. That of course is a lie. Sex without true commitment leads only to more insecurity, not less. Then one day they wake up and find out their partner is gone, and that sex is not the glue that held the relationship together.

Freedom from Love Addiction

In the end, once we have courageously and with great humility owned the lies that have held us in our addiction, we can come to the freeing reality that we don’t need another person to be fulfilled. While looking to God, we can be fulfilled, have meaning, and have purposeful relationships without the confusion of love addiction.

First thing [you] have to realize is that no one can complete you until you are happy with yourself.
There is a fine line between lust and love and a lot of people have a hard time distinguishing the two. It’s not easy to break old habits, or to reinvent yourself, but no relationship you ever have will work out if you don’t find yourself first… you have to love yourself before you can really love anyone else.(keilah)

Is There A Cure For Love Addiction?

by Dawson McAllister

Is There Help For Love Addiction?

I have been blogging about love addiction (articles) the last three weeks. I have learned so much about it and how it affects you, me, and just about everybody else. A love addict is relatively easy to spot within ourselves and in others.

For example, if you are a love addict, you no doubt obsessively and compulsively try to relieve or medicate the deep pain in your life through romantic relationships.

Once in a relationship, you feel you can’t live without the other person and you will do whatever you have to do to keep the relationship going. If that doesn’t work, you panic and will do whatever you have to do to get into a new relationship.

No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try

Just looking at this definition makes us think of how many people, including ourselves, in one way or another fit this description. Think of all the desperate, wounded people there are on the treadmill of what they think is love, and yet they can’t get off.

They’re searching for someone who will heal them and make them feel whole, but that person is not out there. No one can meet our deepest needs, no matter how hard we try, but yet we keep on searching.
My mom used to say, It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.The only problem with love addiction is there isn’t even a needle to be found.

It’s one thing to know what love addiction is. It’s still another to break away from its chains. I received a very direct and candid comment from Sarah.

Dawson, do you really think it is possible to be cured? I’m not sure. Doesn’t the saying go, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic?’ So then, once a love addict, always a love addict?’ I’ve learned how to deal with the external stuff that stems from a love addiction, but the internal struggle is often pretty intense. I don’t think I am cured. I think I just learned to practice self-control in relation to the symptoms. The craving’ hasn’t just disappeared. How do you fix the inside stuff?(Sarah)
Yes Sarah, there are cures to love addiction. It won’t be easy, but the struggle and the journey to find healthy relationships and peace are well worth it. So let’s begin.

To Get Free of Love Addiction

To get free from love addiction, we must clearly understand how deeply the cravings for love penetrate our hearts. It’s what comes out of our hearts that affects everything else we do. There is no deeper emotional desire we have than to love and be loved.
King Solomon, whose been called the wisest man in the Bible, said,

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Emotionally, our hearts are extremely fragile and can be easily hurt, therefore sending us in the wrong direction of life. Our innermost being started out as a beautiful creation of God, but with wrong choices we can easily trash it and leave it sick and in great need.
Picture in your mind for a moment a beautiful white carpet (perfectly white). Then picture someone coming in to the room where the white carpet is, and throwing garbage, manure, and staining paint all over the carpet. The white carpet was never designed to be trashed like that. Something beautiful has become disfigured. That is a lot like our hearts. We, and other people, do not guard our hearts and therefore they become stained and damaged.

It is heartbreaking for me to see how many people simply throw their heart away allowing themselves to be repeatedly hurt while trying to soothe their heart. They go from one relationship to another to another to another on the treadmill of tragedy.
Before long, their whole life is ruined. there is more to life thanyour partner. To have them playing god is too much to ask. I know because I did the same and now [my boyfriend] has hurt me and left. This was going to happen anyway, my mother left me and I leaned too much on him causing the stress on his shoulders. I don’t blame him for leaving, but [what] he said hurt and I’ll never get over thatFor those who seek something more and personal need to find it within them selves. Address the problem and take time to heal. If you don’t, it could be worse and you could lose everything plus more(Tori) Tori is absolutely right. If you don’t guard your heart, you could end up losing what’s most important in life love.

So where does the healing for love addiction begin? It begins by admitting our hearts are priceless, and affect every area of our lives. We must make a commitment to protect our hearts and not just throw them away looking for love in people and places where love cannot be found. Let us all respect our own hearts.

Think you may be struggling with self-worth or self-hate? Download this free eBook from TheHopeLine.

Love Addiction and Abandonment

by Dawson McAllister

Writing about love addiction has opened my eyes to a lot of things. Things I didn’t totally understand before. One thing I’ve learned is just how powerful this addiction is and how it reaches deep into our very heart or hearts. Read on with me and you will see what I mean.

You may possibly find yourself in this blog and be forced to ask, ” Am I a love addict?” In many ways it’s not your fault if you have this addiction. The question is how can you deal with it and not be under its terrible curse. In my other blogs on love addiction, I worked through defining just what love addiction is. Here’s the definition:

If you are a love addict, you obsessively and compulsively try to relieve or medicate the deep pain in your life through romantic relationships. Once in a relationship, you feel you can’t live without the other person and you will do whatever you have to do to keep the relationship going. If that doesn’t work, you panic and will do whatever you have to do to get into a new relationship.

If you are a love addict, don’t despair. I’m convinced at least 50% of all teenagers and young adults suffer from this addiction. I say this because one characteristic of every love addict is that he or she has suffered from being abandoned as a child. This abandonment is almost always caused by one parent, and in some cases both physically or emotionally abandoning their child. Over 50% of all marriages end in divorce, not to mention all the live-together break-ups. No child can go through seeing their parents break up without it affecting them in some way. Being abandoned or left behind, especially as a child, is traumatic. In fact, it is one of the worst things to happen to a child.

Do you try medicate or relieve the deep pain in your life through romantic relationships? Click To Tweet

Let’s take Sarah’s story to help prove the point: [My dad] would stand at the door and yell so loud that I had to cover my ears because all they did was ring. I could hardly make out a single word that was said and he was gone. A last minute attempt to beg him to stay after all was said and done never worked, not one time. After the first few times, his heart left with him and only his physical body ever returned. My father never came back, only a man with a similar appearance to him. I then set out on a search for the love that man once had to offer me.(Sarah) Sarah understands abandonment and her search for love she may never find.

No one as a child can go through seeing their parents break up without it having a devastating effect.

When Jesus hung on the cross, He cried out to His Heavenly Father, My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me? (Matthew 27:46) Jesus was crying from the depths of His soul to His father. You could translate what Jesus said into My God, My God, why have You left Me behind?Not only was Christ dying, He was being abandoned by God as He slipped into death. One can only imagine how horrific that was for Him.

Related Posts:
Reaching Out For A Father
Sex And Father Hunger

As we have seen, being left behind can be terrifying to a young child. I was with my 7-month old grandchild a few weeks ago (we spend a lot of time together). We were outside and it was getting dark. She wandered off up the driveway. I just stood and watched her, keeping my eye on her every second. Suddenly she realized she was alone. She panicked, screamed, and ran back to me, wrapping her little arms about my leg. I picked her up, held her, and comforted her. She was happy again. Her grandpa had not abandoned her. But what about the millions of children who have been abandoned? What happens to them?

Allow me to quote Pia Mellody in her great book Facing Love Addiction. She said, Love Addicts usually didn’t have enough appropriate bonding with their caregivers. Caring transmits the messages, ‘You’re important, you matter, and you are loved,’…when children do not get enough connection and nurture from a parent, they experience serious difficulty with self-esteem. Love Addicts usually experienced much deep pain and sadness and an acute sense of loss during childhood, because a part of themselves was denied the opportunity to grow properly when their caregivers failed to take care of them. This pain and sadness I call ‘the pain of the precious child.’ It goes very deep and back far beyond the earliest conscious memories. As children, Love Addicts experienced enormous fear because they were helpless to create a connection with their caregivers. In counseling they often describe that child-fear as a sense of having a loss of their own breath, as if their air supply had been cut off and they were literally dying. They also describe being empty because they weren’t filled with nurture by their caregivers. And because they weren’t nurtured for who they were, they had trouble being or liking their natural selves.

Love Addicts usually didn’t have enough appropriate bonding with their caregivers.

Does that sound like you? Confused, craving for love, and yet despising yourself at the same time. These thoughts and feelings are hard to get rid of from within us because we received them when we were so young and helpless. So how does a young child cope with these terrible feelings?

I am going to quote Pia Mellody again because what I’m about to quote you blew my mind. One way such children may escape the pain of severe abandonment by the parents is to fantasize about being rescued by a hero of some kind.Little girls may imagine a knight and shining armor who has loving feelings for her and who does things that demonstrate this love by connecting with her, finally giving her life meaning and vitality. Children spend so much time in this fantasy world because it creates a state of euphoria. I spent hours as a child daydreaming about my knight in shining armor. If I felt bad I could play out this fantasy in my mind, get high in about ten minutes, and stay there for at least two or three hours.

One can see how love addiction can start at a very young age through fantasies. A love addict is forever pursuing that high they think another person can give them. When that person rescues, connects, and loves them, is it any wonder love addicts can be so stubborn about their condition and stuck in it? I remember from young on I was always obsessed with love. I wanted love more than anything in the world. I even subjected myself to a lot of bad treatment just to feel love. I have been used, abused, and mistreated by a lot of guys just to get it. Now I realize I brought it upon myself in some way. If I wasn’t so addicted to love and having it, I wouldn’t of subjected myself to those things or situations.(Lindsey)

Please do not let this blog discourage you. In fact, it may have given you some relief since you are better able to understand yourself now. There is hope for a love addict, and that’s what I’m going to talk about next week. Tell all your friends about it, because no doubt, many of your friends are indeed love addicts.

Also, download our eBook for more information on abandonment and how to cope with it!

Consumed with your Boyfriend or Girlfriend? That’s love addiction.

by Dawson McAllister

Do You Have A Love Addiction?

Love addiction is also sometimes called a relationship addiction, because it really has nothing to do with real love at all.

One of the main characteristics is the belief that a particular relationship or a specific partner will be “the one” to solve all of your problems and satisfy all of your needs. Relationship addicts repeatedly become involved in intense, enmeshed, codependent relationships, even when those partners or relationships are destructive.

Judging from my show, Dawson McAllister Live, at least three-quarters of the calls I receive deal with relationships. And most are related to relationship addiction. I hear from callers who are in terrible relationships, but they cannot even imagine not being with this person. The thought of living without them scares them.

So What Is A Love Addict?

Here are some signs of love addiction:

You feel desperate and alone if you are not in a relationship.
The love addict obsessively and compulsively tries to relieve or medicate the deep pain in their life through romantic relationships. Once in a relationship, they feel they can’t live without the other person and will do whatever they have to do to keep the relationship going. If that doesn’t work, they panic and try to get into another relationship immediately.A girl called my radio show the other night. She said she was in love with a guy who treated her horribly. In fact, he got her pregnant, then beat her up so badly she miscarried the baby. She assured me she still loved him no matter what. I couldn’t talk her out of leaving him. Now that’s crazy.If some guy beat you up so badly it caused you to lose your baby, why would you want to go back to him? You wouldn’t, but then again you may not be a love addict. I told her she wasn’t in love. She had an addiction. She’s a tragedy, a love addict in denial. But the main reason she wants to go back to him is because she is terrified. She cannot bear being alone.
You crave the relationship and obsess about it constantly even to the point of losing yourself.
Why do we use the word addict? Drug addicts, when they are thoroughly hooked, spend almost all their time thinking, craving, and planning to get the next high. They only live for the next high. Love addicts get their own high as well, but it’s a high off of another person. Like the drug addict, the love addict spends all their time and attention on the other person. They obsess over their partner and value them far above themselves. A love addict is totally consumed with their partner to the point of ignoring their own needs.
Hillary, in her own words, gets down to the issue of what a love addict is: “I completely change when I have a new guy- I’m overly nicer than I normally am, I bend over backwards for someone I’ve been dating for 2 days or 1 week, etc, and I do anything to make them fall for me just that much more. Once I feel them growing distant, I try that much harder. I become that clingy girl that everyone hates. But I crave love. Crave doesn’t even describe it. If I won the lottery, I would give up every last cent of it to be completely devoured by love.” -HillaryWhat is going on inside of Hillary that would cause her to be so consumed with another person and their relationship? Why would she bend over backwards to please this guy. She said it herself,
she craves love just like an addict craves a drug and she will do anything to get it.
You believe your partner can heal you or solve all of your problems.
Love addicts convince themselves their partner has the power to heal them. This is an impossible demand to be put on their boyfriend/girlfriend. How can their partner fill the deep hole in their soul and their cravings to feel loved and whole? In fact, love addicts are so desperate to connect with another person, they are willing to lose themselves and become completely attached to their partner.Psychologists have a big name for it. They call it, enmeshment. We become enmeshed when we use our partner to give us our identity, self worth, purpose, safety, and security. It comes when we want our boyfriend/girlfriend to provide us with a sense of being whole. Popular songs are full of phrases linked to love addiction and enmeshment. Such phrases as, “I can’t live without you” and “If you leave me I will die” and “I am nothing without you.”Caitlin explains enmeshment even better by her comment: “I have been very much addicted to love. After overcoming this addiction I realize the cause. I was trying to fill the void in my own heart with what I thought was love from other people. I had many scars and hurts from as far back as my early childhood and I was trying to cover them up, rather than deal with them. There is a special place inside of you that can ONLY be touched and healed with God’s love. Once you allow that to happen you will begin to see changes in every part of your life.” -CaitlinCaitlin, like many love addicts, was asking her boyfriend to be God. Thankfully, she eventually learned that she was asking the impossible. She discovered she could only be healed by God.

Only God can be God. Only He can fill the hole in our soul, yet there are millions of love addicts asking their partner to do something impossible for them.

If you are a love addict, don’t despair. Trust me, there is hope for you. TheHopeLine® offers many free eBooks that can help you uncover what is going on inside deep down. For example, if you have a fear of being alone, of not having a boyfriend or girlfriend, then this free eBook on loneliness can help.

At The End of the Trail

by Dawson McAllister

Faces of Addiction at the End of the Trail

I used to do a lot of trail riding in the Colorado Rockies. From my log home, I would saddle up and have several trails to choose from. One trail was only a mile long. Another ten. And still another, twenty-five. But each trail one thing in common there was an end to it. Life is like that. There is an ending to it. I’ve done a lot of thinking about addictions these last few weeks. I’ve read a lot of stuff too.

I couldn’t help from thinking, Where do our addictions take us? What does someone who is addicted feel like or look like 25 years later or, at the end of their trail?It’s hard to think about these things when you are young because, when you’re young, 25 years seems like an eternity. Plus, when you have your youth, it’s easy to feel invincible, like nothing can hurt you (that’s why so many soldiers are 19 and not 40).

Where Addictions Lead

The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said some awesome things about life. They are written in the Bible for us to read. He said for example, Don’t let the excitement of being young keep you from your Creator. At another time, the king was warning his son about sexual addiction. The king didn’t warn his son of the damage sexual addiction could do to him today, but what damage it would do to him over a long period of time:

So, my friend, listen closely;
don’t treat my words casually.
Keep your distance from such a woman;
absolutely stay out of her neighborhood.
You don’t want to squander your wonderful life,
to waste your precious life among the hardhearted.
Why should you allow strangers to take advantage of you?
Why be exploited by those who care nothing for you?
You don’t want to end your life full of regrets,
nothing but skin and bones,
Saying, Oh, why didn’t I do what they told me?
Why did I reject a disciplined life?
Why didn’t I listen to my mentors, or take my teachers seriously?
My life is ruined!
I haven’t one blessed thing to show for my life!'”

King Solomon painted a very graphic picture of where his son would be if he fell into the addiction trap.

Allure of Addictions

Somebody once said, The devil can paint a pretty picture too. That’s true, and so can every addiction. No addiction wants to paint the picture of a life at the end of the trail. But with your help, I have attempted to paint that very picture. Trust me, it is not a pretty one. You may be tempted to turn away. Please don’t. What you read from your own peers could save your life. So, the end of the trial does not have to be a horrible, deadly, bitter place for you, but a place of freedom and joy.

Every word you read from this point on is written by you and your peers.

Drugs

You know my mom has been addicted to marijuana 25 yrs or longer! Her life is horrible. She took my childhood because I had to raise my sister and has left me with a lot of guilt because I did a bad job. She’s very bitter about her life and her choices, and is extremely paranoid all the time. If you could see and live what I have, you would never try marijuana. After 25 years, she has ruined her life and affected everyone around her. She’s left me with emotional scares I don’t think will ever heal and that affect me in my everyday life. I can’t even have a healthy relationship now because I have no clue what that is. – Kelly

Gambling

I think that 25 years from now, someone who is addicted to gambling would be living on the street and have absolutely no money at all. People wouldn’t trust that person because they’ve been known to have a problem with gambling. They would end up on the street because they would probably use up all their money to go to the casino and play Mariah

Love Addiction

In 25 years, people that are addicted to relationships and or love will be emotionally drowned by their own needs and the real sad part of it is that they won’t even know it. They [will] live their whole life around the idea of always having to be in love. – Liz

Sex Addiction

25 years from now, a girl with a sex addiction could end up sitting in a room wondering how she is going to pay next month’s rent because after 25 years of prostitution, her body isn’t beautiful’ enough for the business. The future looks hopeless. Years of abuse and roller coasters of emotion have taken a toll on all forms of hope for something greater. The need to be loved and accepted is still unfulfilled despite the money making highs’ night after night after night. All sense of self worth, value, identity…disappeared long ago. The loneliness must be unbearable. – Sarah

Eating Disorders

I have had an eating disorder for 6 years, going on 7. I’ve lost: My friends, my family, my body, my mind, my sense of identity, my ability to think clearly, the ability to stay warm, the ability to not go a day without hating myself. I’ve lost my ability to know who I am, and my purpose in life other than to self-destruct. My eating disorder started as a way of coping. And I just thought, once I lost a little weight, once I was a little thinner, then I would be better. It would let me GO. IT HAS NOT LET ME GO!! I have become a liar and I hate myself everyday. Eating Disorders are hell, and knowing all this about myself, I am still an addict. I’m still sick. – Trisha

Cutting

I am a cutter, and I hate myself every time I do it again. In 25 years, my arms and legs could be full of scars. I want to work with children when I finish high school, and who is going to trust me with their children if they see the marks on my body? Who’s going to ask me for help and guidance with their children if they see what I did to myself? I will probably have lost a lot of friends. I will probably have a hard time getting a job anywhere. I’ll have to spend the rest of my life covering up my scarsPlus, I may accidentally cut myself in the wrong spot and bleed to deathif I don’t quit cutting, then a lot of the things I want aren’t going to work out the way I dream they will. Abby

Conclusion

There are so many things wrong with addictions. They take over your life. It never ends with just one addiction. Then you can’t stop lying to feed your addiction and other times you steal to get what you want (not need). You put your addiction first above anything else, including your friends, family, job, self respect and morals. Your addiction ends up causing you to hurt the people you love. You mess up your life and sometimes you can’t pull back. Pretty soon you’ll lose everything, accept your addiction. But by then, it’s not even worth it. – Jenna

Your friend,
Dawson

Love Addiction

A Deceitful & Hurtful Relationship

Enough is Enough

A Search for Hope

It’s a Journey

Hurt Again, but Stronger with God

God’s Love is Greater Than a Broken Heart

If you are questioning whether your relationship is healthy or toxic, we are here to help you through this.

Caring for Your Body

Caring for Your Mind

Caring for Your Spirit

If you’re struggling with an addiction to prescription medications download this free eBook for help.

Questions to Ask Before Starting to Date

In This Episode:

Unrealistic Expectations

Spiritual and Emotional Completeness

Jumped into Dating Way Too Quickly

Epitome of a Relationship Disaster

Carousel of Heartbreak

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Would you consider doing something for me?

One last thing,

Above All Else, Guard Your Heart…

In This Episode:

Hurt Repeatedly

Confused and Miserable

It Takes Courage to Leave a Toxic Relationship

Mixed Signals and Obsession

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Resources for Identifying a Toxic Relationship:

Would you consider doing something for me?

One last thing,

Getting Over Your Ex is Not Easy

In This Episode:

I Can’t Stop Thinking About Her

He Broke Up with Me and I Didn’t Take It Well

I Can’t Find Reasons To Move On

There is a common problem with people who can’t get over their ex:

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Resources for Getting Over Your Ex:

Would you consider doing something for me?

One last thing,

How to Stop Lust from Invading Your Life.

In This Episode:

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Resources for help with lust:

Would you consider doing something for me?

One last thing,

The next episode is about how to know when you’re in love.

What Does It Mean to Have a Love Addiction?

In This Episode:

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Resources for Love Addiction:

Would you consider doing something for me?

One last thing,

Next Week’s Podcast is on Father Hunger.

Do I own my love addiction?

3 Things that are not easy to admit when you have love addiction.

We all want it. A deep meaningful relationship.

Here’s why…

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.

Have you been told, “Always guard your heart”?

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.

So what is a love addiction?

Are you a love addict?

What’s Next?

Love Gives, Lust Takes

So what are the differences between love and lust that would make them such opposites? There are far too many differences for me to list in one blog, but a few will suffice.

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.

2 Reasons Lust Is Destructive

Don’t Confuse Love and Lust

Lust…

Moving forward from Love Addiction

6 Steps to Prepare Yourself for a Meaningful Relationship:

Work on being alone.

Talk about your bend towards love addiction with friends or a minister or counselor.

Work on developing new friendships with people from both sexes that do not have any romantic overtones to them.

Slowly work your way back into a dating relationship.

Develop a meaningful relationship with God.

Begin to look for healthy qualities in the people you meet.