My name is Megan. I broke up with my boyfriend. We had a long-distance relationship for a year and a half. During that time, he would say how much he loved me and that he couldn't live a life without me, and everything will be perfect when we are finally together in the same room one day. But those words were deceitful. He gave me this high hope. I worked so hard to save money so I could visit him. We'd been through so much together. I was blind to how I was being treated.
A Deceitful & Hurtful Relationship
I gave up a lot for this relationship. He said love is jealous, so I lost friends because he was very possessive. I even lost a career because he didn't like my manager. He said the manager cared too much about me. My boyfriend demanded I talk with him when he had problems. I was always there to cheer him up. When he had issues, I was there to listen and to give him my opinion, when he asked for it. I gave him my all, but he never appreciated it.
He said all I ever wanted was an argument with him. If I confronted him about things, he would say we were not in sync. He would blame me for every mistake he made. When he got angry, he would talk to people online and tell them he was sick of me and call me names. Then he would later apologize to me and somehow convince me it was all my fault. He would say if I just wouldn't argue with him then he wouldn't do that.
Enough Is Enough
He has broken my heart too many times. He cheated on me, but then would come to me crying saying all the right words. I was angry and disappointed, but I forgave him. He knew I would forgive him, so every time he would blame me for everything, he did wrong. It was always about me not making him happy.
Finally, I realized I was a fool to keep the relationship going with the hope he would change. He didn't. I began wondering if I am a weak person. Why would I love this man so much that I would allow myself to become so attached to him? I finally broke up with him. It was the hardest thing to do, and it hurt me a lot. I cried for days. I hoped that he would at least call me and ask if I was alright. He didn't. I called my mom and she prayed for me in tears as she had to bear all my pain every time this man hurt my feelings.
A Search for Hope
Not wanting to cause my mom any more pain, I searched the internet for advice on my problem. That's when I found TheHopeLine. As soon as I logged in to chat, there was a coach available to talk to me. I didn’t expect it would work, because I had no idea how to make heartbreak go away. But it really helped change my perspective. I told the coach my problem and the coach listened patiently and gave me some advice. It really touched my heart. Why would a stranger bother to listen and to give advice and pray for me? I felt like I was all alone with my pain, but here was someone willing to listen to me.
The coach asked me if I believed in God and tears started falling down my face. I had forgotten God for a long long time. Even though I had a good Christian upbringing, when I went to college, I left it all behind. I thought God had forgotten me too because I had betrayed Him. When my mom prayed with me, I let her because that's what she wanted. But when the coach asked me if she could pray for me, I knew I needed it more than anything. It gave me peace. I realized God had never left me...all this time He was around...watching me.
I know it is not an accident that I went to look for something to read and ended up at TheHopeLine. God led me here when I had no idea how to process heartbreak. I felt so dirty and so sinful. I felt I didn't deserve God, but then my mom told me if you still feel guilty, it shows that God loves you because you can still feel it. If your heart becomes so stone cold and feels nothing, it means you reject God. That very moment I knew God never left me even though I turned my back on Him. He's been there waiting for me, and He is using all that I am going through to lead me home to Him. I feel ashamed of myself, but also so grateful because God reached out to me through the coaches at TheHopeline.
It's a journey
I still struggle with my emotional pain. A HopeCoach reminded me that there is no easy way to fix my broken heart. In fact, sometimes we can be tempted to harm ourselves when we don't know how to get through heartbreak pain. When I wanted to harm myself, something held me back, and I went to talk to a coach instead.
The talks with the coach really pushed me back to being rational. I could not harm myself for what I felt inside. It would not solve my problem. It would just keep me broken. I couldn't do that to my parents or fail the coaches that God had provided for me. Why would I doubt that God couldn't help me through this?
I can't let a broken heartbreak my life. There is a choice between giving in to my pain or giving it all to God. I choose the second. I decided to let God give me the strength to endure my moment of pain, to let God walk with me in my darkest time, to let Him hold my hand and show me the way to deal with my brokenness.
The HopeCoach suggested I read blogs on this site, and, of course, read the Bible. It helped me a lot and I began to see myself more clearly. There are lots of people who suffer more than me, yet they aren't giving in or giving up. We all have our own problems, even the coaches. Yet the coaches give their time to help someone in their time of need.
Hurt Again, but Stronger with God
After 3 weeks, suddenly my ex called me. He was drunk and crying. I asked what happened? He said after we broke up, he found someone else. He fell in love with her so bad, and he already had sex with her. But then he did something that made her breakup with him. Hearing this stabbed me right through my heart. He kept on talking of how much he loves the girl and that he can't lose her as she is the love of his life. He tried to kill himself to show how sorry he was to this girl. It caused my heart to break again to realize he didn't feel anything for me while I was in pain.
But I knew the right thing to do, so I told him what the HopeCoaches had told me...to kill yourself over a broken heart is not wise.
I asked if I could pray for him. He said OKAY, even though he didn't believe in God. I put aside all my pain because his life was at stake. I asked God to give me strength because if God leads him to talk to me, then may I do that according to God's will. So, I told my ex, "Your life has a purpose, and to end your life because of a broken heart is just not fair." He thanked me for always being there, but then once again blamed me! He said all of this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't broken up with him.
After that, I was just numb. My heartfelt cold. I just cried out to God. What is it He wants to teach me? I reached out to a HopeCoach again before I allowed myself to be flooded with bad thoughts. The coach encouraged me and prayed for me. I realized God did not let me down. I don't know where I got the strength to keep my cool when my ex called me. Somehow God filled my heart with compassion...giving me the ability to help my ex realize that no matter what happens, our lives have a purpose, and that God loves him and cares about him.
God's Love is Greater Than a Broken Heart
Through this whole experience, my heart was torn to pieces, but it is still working and is actually stronger than it was before. I have learned the only true and unfailing love comes from God. I am grateful that God showed me His Love. A love so deep that he gave His only Son to die for our sins. Jesus experienced all the pain and hurtful things that we do and so much more. He died for people who were cursing him, rejecting him, and demeaning him. He demonstrates a love that conquers all that.
Humans can hurt each other in every worst way, but God's love conquers it all. That's what I have come to understand from my experience. Yes, I still feel down sometimes, but I'm no longer lost. God is putting me back together. He is shaping me. I trust He wouldn't let me go through all this without a purpose. I know He has a plan for me. A great one!
I want to thank all the coaches who have been there for me in my time of need, you are all God's hands. Thank you to everyone who shared their stories here. Reading all the stories gives me strength. That is the power of sharing! God bless you all.
And last but not least...Thank you, God, for this wonderful site, wonderful people, and wonderful love you let us share with each other even though we are all strangers. You are wonderful, God! There is none like You! Let us all be the living proof that You are God. Amen.
If you are questioning whether your relationship is healthy or toxic, we are here to help you through this.