Many of us are not aware of all the lies we tell.
Lying is almost always devastating. It hurts the person who is doing the lying, as well as the person being lied to. Sadly, it is all too common in most of our lives. Many of us are not aware of all the lies we tell. Still another person might lie all the time, afraid of other people finding out the truth about them. This develops a habit that continually drives someone to keep telling more and more lies—like Sara’s friend who damaged her willingness to trust anyone. “About two years ago, I became friends with a girl—I trusted every word she said. Too bad she was lying about everything. She never wanted to be my friend. She just wanted to come over to my house so she could fool with the guy across the street. She spread terrible rumors about me that were untrue and she [all but] destroyed my life. And to this day, I honestly don’t trust anyone.” What a tragedy. Lying can be lethal to our soul.
Jane commented to me about her own person struggles and heartbreak over her inner struggle with lying. She said: “I've tried very hard to be honest with everyone, but sometimes it doesn’t work. I lie mostly to my parents—trying to keep them proud of me and trying to be the perfect daughter everyone wants.” I understand there can be a lot of pressure inside your head telling you to try and control what other people think about you. This is what drives most people into telling lies.
Yet there are several different types of liars. This week I just want to touch on a few of them I think are the most important for you to know about. Perhaps you will find yourself in this list.
Four different types of liars
The occasional liar is not perfect, but is usually respected for his/her strong attempt at being a truthful person, and humble enough to admit their mistakes.
- The Occasional Liar – These people seldom lie. But when they do they are blown away by their actions and feel guilty for what they have done. These types of people are the ones who are quick to seek forgiveness from the person their lied to. The occasional liar is not perfect, but is usually respected for his/her strong attempt at being a truthful person, and humble enough to admit their mistakes.
Jess’s comment explains more about the occasional liar. “I usually lie when people ask me how I'm doing. I tell them I'm fine, but I'm actually depressed and stuff. I guess I usually lie out of fear though and it kills me inside to not let others know.” If we were all honest with ourselves, we would have to admit we are at least an occasional liar.
- The Frequent Liar – The frequent liar goes about his/her life lying every which way. This person is not concerned about covering his tracks, or making sure his lie makes sense. Everybody knows this person is lying because he is sloppy with his lies. This person has very few friends, because people get sick of his obviously twisted stories.
Kiley, with her own confession, admits to being a frequent liar. “I'm not good at sports or speaking in public and I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world. So, I lie to sound interesting. I lie about silly stuff like how old I am, the people I know, or how awesome everyone thinks I am. Which...no one thinks that about me. There are some smart people out there that can see what I am trying to do.”
After being found out, the smooth liar tends to move on to others to whom he can apply his dark talents.
- The Smooth Liar – The smooth liar is just what their description sounds like—this person has become very smooth and skilled at telling lies. There are those that say they can pick out a liar every time, but that’s not necessarily so when it comes to the smooth liar. This liar is so good with words and body language people tend to believe him even when they know he has a reputation of being a liar. Yet, all the time, the smooth liar knows he’s lying. These people are fun to be around, and very entertaining, but after being found out, the smooth liar tends to move on to others to whom he can apply his dark talents.
KeIsea commented to me about a guy she dated who was the very definition of a smooth liar: “I dated a guy who constantly lied to me. He would cheat on me with other girls all the time. At first, I was really upset. But it seemed he knew the right things to say to get me to come back every time. I got to the point where I didn't care anymore as long as I had him, and as long as he spent time with me—because that made me feel like he cared.”
- The Compulsive Liar – This person lies when they don’t have to, even if telling the truth makes more sense than the lies they tell. These people have an addiction to lying, and they simply cannot stop. They are out of control. They spend hours studying situations trying to come up with more lies that will allow them to maintain all their previous lies. These people are totally untrustworthy and end up unable to keep friends. A compulsive liar ends up a lonely, sad person who tragically lies the most to their own self.
Angela commented about how her compulsive liar husband has ruined her life. “He would lie about where he was going (when he was actually going to other women’s houses), he would lie about phone calls and text messages (running our phone bill to over $300), he lies about money (taking it, spending it, leaving me with nothing to support our child), and he's broken several promises to me (even though he knows how much they mean to me).”
Look back at these different types of liars and ask yourself “Which one of these best describes me?” Then ask yourself the most difficult question of all: “How can I quit being a liar. I will talk with you more about how to quit lying soon.
Please tell me your story about how you’ve been affected by either your own lying, or someone else’s lying. It will help me so much as I’m writing about this incredibly complex topic.
08-07-2009 3:00 AM