How Can I Stop Lying? EP 19

You Can Turn Away from Compulsive Lying

In This Episode:

Since mankind began, lying has been a tragic part of our lives. So awful is it, so terrible is its consequences, God forbids it in the 10 commandments. He said, do not lie (Leviticus 19:11). And in Proverbs 12:22, God spoke again and said, “Lying lips are abomination to the LORD.” Yet, all of us have told lies and at some time or another lived a lie.

The more we speak truth, the happier we will be. Yet sadly some people are compulsive liars. A compulsive liar is someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small.

For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Nonetheless a compulsive liar suffers greatly.

Take Hunter for example, he said, "I can't stop lying…even about stupid things. It breaks my mom's heart that I keep lying to her. I hate that I'm doing this to her, and I hate that I do it. I feel like I am going to earn a reputation as a liar and that's the last thing I want. I hate myself.” Hunter needs a miracle in his life. His lying is destroying him, just as lying is interfering in 3 other people’s lives whom I spoke with. I talked with Lee, Jason, and Ellie, who in one way or another are caught up in the world of lying

Trying to Come Out of the Liar’s Closet

Lee has a compulsive lying problem and has been dealing with it for 10 years. She tried to get some help from a counselor but once she admitted her problem, she felt judged and second-guessed.

Lee is uncomfortable and angry. She’s trying to come out of the liar’s closet. She’s letting the world know about her dirty little secret, that she is a compulsive liar.

Lying has become part of Lee’s lifestyle for at least 10 years now. The habit isn’t going to go away just because she wants it to. It takes at least 66 days to change a habit. That’s a long time when you’re an addicted liar. She’s now coming to grips with what it will cost her to get free. It won’t be easy. Lying has become a part of her life. She uses it whenever she wants or needs to. Most of the time she lies just to lie, when telling the truth would be much easier.

Living in Your Own Personal Hell

One of the major consequences Lee must face is knowing no one believes her anymore. Her friends and family can’t trust her, and they deeply resent her. No one likes to be played or lied to, but the compulsive liar is playing people most of the time.

Lee has dug a big hole. She lives in her own personal hell. Lying has provided a place, where she can be in charge of her own reality. But when caught, unveils her rage about her situation. Lee is like a trapped animal, she’s angry and will blame anybody anywhere, except herself. She refuses to take responsibility for her deep, troubling issues.

My prayers are with Lee, I feel sorry she’s in such a predicament. But with God’s help, she can break out of 10 years of compulsive lying. She has her work cut out for her, it will be painful, but there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Let’s all pray, she will succeed.

Wherever You Go, You Take Your Issues with You

Jason moved to try to get away from his troubles, but his lying issue followed him. He has been trying to make a U-turn but no one believes anything he says.

I like Jason but he easily cons himself. He moved away from his hometown, thinking that would help him but he doesn’t get it. The truth is wherever Jason goes, he takes his issues with him. Changing locations won’t cure lying.

Jason is caught up in the old lying trap. He’s living a wild lifestyle but wants to cover it up. He has to tell lies to do that. But then he has to tell lies to cover the lies. He’s exhausted, partying away and continually lying to cover it up. He’s living a lie and his lies are killing him.

Time to Come Clean and Face Up to the Lies

Now, it’s time for him to come clean with his brother and sister-in-law. He thought he’d fooled them but they could smell the alcohol. It’s not easy to confess to the people you’ve lied to because you’ve tried to paint them as fools. So, it takes tremendous amount of humility and courage to face up to what you’ve been doing. Liars are smooth talkers but to confess to others means to set aside their smooth-talking tools to speak the truth and that’s not easy.

Jason doesn’t understand just how deep his love of lying goes. He, like most of us, doesn’t understand how evil his heart really is.

The Bible says, “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” Jeremiah 17:9

It’s a common mistake we humans make to think our hearts are a great deal better than they really are. The truth of the matter is, we are a mess. To tell the truth to ourselves, about ourselves is one of the most important things we can do. To lie to ourselves and to others is to act like Satan. Jesus was talking to religious leaders of the day who thought they were righteous because of the good works they did. Jesus set them straight. He told them: “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44

Good news for Jason, He is starting to tell the truth about himself and that means he’s on his way to freedom.

Are You Buying into Someone’s Lies?

Elli’s boyfriend lies to her all the time about anything and everything. She can’t trust him at all and it’s destroying their relationship. She can’t bring herself to break up with him even though she knows it can never work because he always lies to her.

Relationships Need Trust and Respect

Elli was willing for a long time to buy into her boyfriend’s lies. Why, because he has an awesome personality, is persuasive, and the lies he tells are powerful. She may think they have a great relationship but without trust and respect there isn’t one. A relationship controlled by lies is nothing more than a front. Perhaps if Elli leaves him, it will be a wake-up call and he’ll be forced to examine his own pathetic issues. There is hope for him if he turns away from a life of lying to a life of following Christ.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

All of us in some way in another are liars, none of us are perfect. My hope is whether we have told small or big lies, we will hate it for what it is and what it’s done in ours and other people’s lives. And so, we too will turn away from lying and trust in Christ to help us walk in the truth. Remember, the more you speak truth, the happier you will be!

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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4 comments on “How Can I Stop Lying? EP 19”

  1. I'm 15 and living with my mom, I've always had trouble with lying ever since I was little, its just it feels necessary to lie, whenever someone wants something from me or asks me something just to make them happy. Whenever I tell the truth, I get nervous as if, I'm going to be in more trouble if I tell the truth.. what should I do? please help me.

    1. Raptor, Thank you for reaching out for help with your issue with lying. It is easy to fall into a cycle of lying, however, it takes help and accountability to overcome the desire to lie. You are not alone. A Hope Coach is here to listen and help you to uncover the true underlying issues that are causing you to lie to others. Our Hope Coaches are available 24/7 to chat online with you. They are caring and will not judge you in any way. They are there to truly listen and help you find hope and healing. Go to to chat live with a Hope Coach.

  2. i dont know what to do i'm 15 and i just moved in with my mo and we haven't seen each other in 13 years. she lost me and my siblings to drugs. i have had a lot of boyfriends since i moved in with her on september 1. im always lying tho and she has lost all trust in me and i dont know what to do. please help me.

    1. Madison, We are proud of you for reaching out to talk about your struggles. We are sorry you're going through this and we are here to listen. How about chatting online with one of our HopeCoaches? They will listen and help you through this. To chat go to Chat is available from 7pm to 1am CT today.

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