Many young women come to TheHopeLine wondering how to build a great relationship with their boyfriend. Some single women can struggle with despair and depression, unsure whether they’ll ever find the right man for them.

If you’ve never been in a relationship before, you may not feel confident about dating. Maybe you’ve been in a lot of relationships, but none of them have worked out the way you planned.

If you’ve been through a lot of disappointment, it can be tempting to wonder where you’re going wrong. How do you know if you’re on the right track when it comes to having a healthy perspective on dating?

Finding the “Right” Boyfriend

Turn on a TV show or movie and you’ll quickly have a sense of how obsessed our culture can get with finding the “right person”. Billions of dollars are spent by women every year in an effort to maintain their appearance, bolster their confidence, or improve their social status, all in an effort to find a boyfriend who might be their soulmate.

But the truth is, there is no perfect relationship because there are no perfect people. And we can’t immediately know when we meet someone how the relationship will pan out. So, what can we do?

Finding a boyfriend starts with finding yourself, which can be both an inspiring and a challenging process that involves a lot of thinking and self-reflection:

• Learn your priorities and convictions.
• If you believe in God, think hard about how faith will factor into your relationship decisions.
• Consider how your past difficulties (trauma, abuse, or toxic relationships)  might influence your views on yourself and your dating life.
• Let go of unrealistic or unhealthy expectations about love, sex, romance, and relationships.
• Ask for relationship advice from a mentor or therapist you can trust to give honest input.

The Blessings of Being Single

Despite our society’s insistence that finding a relationship is the ultimate key to “happily ever after”, joy and happiness can begin right now, whether you have a boyfriend or not. As you learn about yourself and what you’d like in your dating relationship, don’t forget to explore your interests and hobbies, reconnect with friends, and engage in things that you find meaningful.

Don’t make the mistake of tying your self-worth to your relationship status: you have a lot to offer the people around you, just as you are. Think of all the things you can do, places you can travel, and dreams you have always wanted to fulfill. Those don’t have to wait for a boyfriend; they can start happening now. Dating relationships can be great blessings, but you don’t need one before you can be truly happy and fulfilled.

Hope After a Boyfriend Has Hurt You

A relationship breaking up is never easy. It can leave you feeling isolated from people that you met and befriended through your boyfriend. It’s easy to feel like you wasted time loving the wrong person.

If your boyfriend was abusive or cheated on you with another person, the breakup can have added layers of pain. But you can find healing and hope – and there are plenty of people who care for you and value your presence in their life.

Before you begin a new relationship, reach out for help and support. Doing so can keep you from becoming bitter and give you the space to get the spiritual and emotional guidance you need to make sense of things and get back on the right path.