How To Understand Lying & Get Help When You’re Hurting

Lying hurts all relationships and can make us feel isolated from others. Whether we are being lied to or struggle with lying, there is hope to restore understanding, healing and trust. The fact that you are reading this is a great first step in recognizing you may have a problem with lying that you want to get control of. TheHopeLine is here for you. We can help you see the damage lying is causing in your life, why you do it and help you find accountability.

Our desire is to help both those who lie and those who have been lied to. We care for you equally. If you are in the habit of lying we want to help you stop and think twice because your lies will ruin friendships and you will eventually get caught. And if you are being lied to you deserve honesty. Trust your gut and confront the person you believe is being dishonest.
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What Makes Something a Lie?

Lying happens when we deliberately conceal truth to protect ourselves and our image from negative consequences in our lives and relationships.

What people sometimes call “brutal honesty” is often painful for the recipient of the advice and can be alienating for the person giving it. Though some people may feel that anything other than brutal honesty is a lie, you can be honest without hurting others. Softening your words to protect the feelings of someone you care about is not lying.


Telling a lie takes a lot of mental energy to make sure no one discovers the truth. Often additional lies are needed to protect the first lie. This can lead to mental stress which often leads to tension within your body causing headaches, heartburn and other digestive related issues. The tension can also settle in your muscles causing widespread body aches.


Whether it's "white lies," big lies, or habitual lying, you will feel emotionally depleted as you get stuck in your web of lies. You will likely experience frustration, anger, fear, sadness, and hopelessness as you can’t find a way out of the lies you’ve told. Lying also affects the relationships in your life adding on feelings of shame.


Lying often creates conflict in your life. This conflict can make your soul feel unsettled. Your spirit may feel defeated after repeated attempts to stop your habit of lying. If you've tried many times to stop the lying, you may feel a desire to explore your spirituality. Choosing to make an effort towards spiritual growth can help you take the necessary steps towards overall change, including breaking free from stubborn habits, like lying.

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You aren't alone.

Check out these stories of hope from others who have struggled with this issue.

Getting Help When Lies Hurt Your Relationships

If you’re being lied to or victimized by manipulation and emotional abuse, you can break free from those harmful relationships and redevelop healthy connections that affirm your self-worth. Talking to a therapist, confiding in a friend, and spending time in places and communities that nourish you are great first steps.

If you’ve used lying to hide addictive behaviors, or if it’s caused isolation and pain in your relationships, you can get help to stop lying and recover from the pain it’s caused you. Reach out for help at TheHopeLine today.
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Why Do People Lie?

There’s no single reason that everyone lies, but people who lie are more than just “liars”. They’re whole people who often struggle with emotions or situations they feel they can’t manage, so they hide parts of themselves and how they really feel from the world, even from the people closest to them.

Why is telling lies so common? Here are some common reasons we’ve noticed for patterns of lying in the lives and relationships of people we talk to at TheHopeLine.


People who lie often don’t want the truth to be known for fear they will not be accepted, or that they will be judged.


Rather than guilt, which focuses on sorrow for wrongdoing, shame is an intense belief that you are a bad person. People who lie often feel ashamed about themselves or their choices, and deceive others in an attempt to shield themselves from further feelings of shame. This is why lying is often cyclical. For example, in an effort to hide shame from damaging relationship choices like cheating or anger issues, people who have made those choices tend to cover them up. Because they’re hiding the behavior rather than getting help, it often continues in future relationships.

Hiding Addiction

People with addictive behaviors feel both fear and shame, both because of the harm their addictive behavior causes and the way addiction is stigmatized in our society. Hiding behaviors or substance use from loved ones is a common warning sign that someone is addicted, and that they need to get help right away.


When they feel like they’re losing control, people often lie in an attempt to manipulate people and situations around them to regain a sense of control. This manipulation often leads to emotional abuse and other behaviors that can develop into a toxic relationship.


If lying has become an area you struggle with and you're ready to make a change then it's important to recognize the battle starts within your mind. Learn which thoughts trigger you to choose to lie in the first place. Control those thoughts and don't let them be what controls you. God wants to help you succeed in overcoming the struggle in your mind with lying.

There may be people in your life or maybe even your own inner critic who have made you feel such a heavy sense of shame. But take these truths in God's word to help encourage your heart that you can overcome your struggle with lying.

No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. Romans 8:37 (NLT)

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