Posts by TheHopeLine Team

 Choose Friends Wisely

When I met Jason, he was seen as a new kid on the block, in his first year of serving a life sentence without parole for murder. Jason was nineteen. We talked for a long time about his past, his broken home, and how he grew up on the streets of Baltimore, dealing dope and packing heat before the end of fourth grade.

Jason could've made excuses for where he was. He could've laid the blame for his poor choices on his life on the street. Instead, he looked me square in the eye and said, there's no one to blame but me. I chose my friends. Now I'm paying the price.

Reasons You Have Friends

Friendships. We all have them. We all want them. And, to a certain extent, we all need them. Your friends are one of, if not the most, powerful influences in your life today. But do you ever really think about the friendships you have and how they affect you? Your friends are your friends for probably a lot of reasons:

1. They've accepted you.
2. You have a lot in common with them.
3. They make you feel secure.
4. You trust them.
5. They're loaded!

Okay, except for that last one, all of those are pretty valid reasons. Here's another one: They need to live a godly life and encourage you to do the same. Your friends seriously impact you how you dress, how you talk, how you act, who you date, what music you listen to, and even how you treat your parents.

Friends Influence You

I know you're probably thinking, I don't let my friends influence me like that. I decide what I want to do. Well, it may seem that way. But think about this:

Friends = Time
Friends are not just people you know. They're people you do life with school, lunch, sports, parties it's safe to say you spend a lot of time doing stuff with them.

Time = Influence
The more time you spend with another person, the more you're influenced by that person. That's natural. As you commit time to a friendship, your lifestyle will be more and more affected by theirs.

Influence = Character
1 Corinthians 15:33 warns that bad company will corrupt our character. How's your character? Do you find yourself making choices today that you wouldn't have made if it wasn't for your friends? If yes, have these choices been honoring or dishonoring to God?

Character = Choices
Think about the five choices you most regret making. Now, think about where you were and who you were with when you made these choices of regret. I bet it's pretty safe to say that you were probably with a close friend when you made most, if not all, of these choices.

God knows that friendships are important to you. And He wants you to have truly great ones. But He also knows how much bad friendships can hurt you. So how do you know the difference between good friends and bad ones? Well, unfortunately, your friends are not like bags of Doritos they don't have labels on their backs listing all of their ingredients. In Proverbs 13:20, God gives us a promise and a warning that can help in choosing the right kind of friends:

• The promise: Spend time with wise people, and you will grow wise.
• The warning: Spend time with foolish people, and you will suffer!

Wise Friends

If you hang out with wise friends, people who know right from wrong and choose right, you're going to get wise. Wise friends will be more able to offer you good advice in time of need because they believe God's ways are right and they follow them.

The warning in this verse is just as clear as the promise and just as serious. Proverbs says if you hang out with fools, then bad stuff is going to happen to you. This verse doesn't say bad stuff might happen. God's word is completely clear!

Meaningful friendships don't always come easy. And there'll be times when distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy friendships will be hard. But as you commit to staying in consistent communication with God, He'll give you the wisdom to know the difference. God wants you to have awesome friendships. He wants you to have fun with good friends. But God also knows what can happen if you choose the wrong friends. So, choose wisely!

Jeffrey Dean, aka, JD is a motivation speaker and has spoken to over 3 million teens.  He is also an ordained pastor, counselor, and author.

If you are thinking to yourself after reading this - I need some new friends.  Check out Dawson's blog: How to Make Friends.

The Deep Pain Inside Brianna

It started right before entering my senior year in high school. I was tired. Tired of people. Tired of my overbearing parents. Tired of sharing everything with my twin. Tired of life. I attempted suicide when I was at the tender age of 16. I totaled my car by hitting a pole at a whopping 50+ miles per hour. I flipped the car so high I knocked the top off the pole, crushed the passenger side, and somehow walked away with a few scratches. I was scared. I was upset, but I was alive.

Fast forward just a couple of months. Senior year has started, and nothing is going right. I continually ask myself why I failed.

Why am I still here? I felt like a burden on my family. On my teachers. I worked hard in school, to an extent. I had to pretend I didn't care a little. Otherwise, they would all ask what was wrong with me. I still couldn't cope. I watched my twin get everything I had worked three years for. Section leader in band, team captain on our varsity soccer team, she had the high school sweetheart, she was the thin one, the smart one. She had it all. I started to cut. It wasn't for attention. It wasn't for anyone to say, I am so sorry, as they looked away.

It was because there was a pain inside me, I couldn't deal with.

I was immature. Angry. I made it through Christmas barely. Over the break I got a cold, I started taking medicine. I found out I didn't need much sleep on it. So, I kept taking it. For months. Even after the cold had been long gone. I had a drug dependency. I didn't need to sleep more than a couple hours a night. But I didn't make a good use of my extra time. I cried a lot. When everyone was asleep. And I cut. At this point, I had a really bad attitude. A bad outlook on life. I hated everyone and everything. Because of that attitude, I didn't step foot on the soccer field my entire senior year, despite starting on varsity since my freshman year. It was devastating.

I finally lost it and lashed out, not at a student, but at a teacher. When she confronted me, I broke down and told her I didn't need her sympathy, that's why I cut. For me, not anyone else. Here is where being a minor came into play... They told me parents. After watching my mother cry, they put me in therapy. Professional therapy. The counselor talked to me, asked me what was wrong, and I told him all my grievances with the world. He asked what I did for fun. I had to say nothing. Nothing was fun anymore. I didn't have my school, my sport, even my friends were gone at this point. All I had was cold medicine and scarred thighs.

During my final months of senior year, my final months of therapy, I found something out about myself. I was lost. I had strayed so far from God I didn't know how to get back.

Here I was searching desperately for something to help me. To take away my loneliness, my pain. And He was right there. Waiting for me.

There were so many signs while I was struggling, but I was too angry to see them or take them for what they were. I reconnected with God. Got involved with my church. It took a long time, but I beat my drug dependency, I beat the need to be accepted by everyone around me, and I beat the need to self-harm myself. I was accepted. Finally. I strayed throughout college; I don't know many people who don't honestly... But I found my way back through an amazing man who I am now engaged to marry. I am in charge of a youth group, and we lead discussions about tough topics. Topics I have firsthand experience with. I also sing. I sing on Wednesdays; I sing on Sundays. I sing at work. In the car. Alone or surrounded by people. I lift God and I thank him every day for rescuing me from myself and the devil within me. I still fight sin. Daily. It's still a struggle. But I am no longer alone. Praise Jesus for his love and grace. - Brianna

---

Related Posts:
A Door of Hope
Why Do People Self-Harm?
Real Story: Artist Michaela Hatfield
How To Quit Cutting

---

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world. For additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

If you are struggling, you don't have to struggle alone.  TheHopeLine is here for you.  Chat with us: HERE

My name is Stella and this is my story:

Overprotective parents. 22 and living with parents. Don't get to go out. Don't get to meet the love of my life. Pressurized to be the best in studies and not caring about my dreams.

I stopped self-cutting 3 years ago. Started today because of a fight with a boyfriend. It was pretty bad. Then I thought why. Why was I cutting? I wondered if others did it for the same reasons. I googled why people cut themselves. Found this in one of the blogs I read about downloading the app to chat.

I feel so much better and more positive and inspired to do what my heart wants me to. Thank you for making me strong again when I was about to give in to my weak self.

And Mason my HopeCoach is a sweetheart and he helped me get my confidence and willpower back...Thank you Mason for your kindness and patience. I needed that when I had nobody. 

How She Was Able To Stay Strong

I was 18, fresh out of high school and in my first serious relationship. He was abusive and I was enamored. He cut me off from my friends, and I alienated my family. Things were emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive. I was devastated when he left.

I suffered from self-harm and I couldn't control the impulses to keep myself from cutting. I gained a lot of weight and I found my solace in my studies. I was eating, working, going to school, and barely sleeping.

I finally found God, talked to a counselor, and met an amazing man. He has helped me overcome a lot of my struggles by praying with and for me daily. Since then, I've lost almost 100 pounds, I have been free from self harm for more than a year and I just want to say it gets better. It seems bleak, but it can't stay that way forever. Stay strong, be positive, and find God. He puts you through struggles and situations for a reason.
-Bridget

---

Related Posts:
A Door of Hope
Why Do People Self-Harm?
Real Story: Artist Michaela Hatfield
How To Quit Cutting

---

For additional help connect with our partners at Door of Hope. You are not alone.

Overweight and Insecure I Started to Self-Harm

I have always been overweight and insecure.  In the fifth grade, I started cutting and I just couldn't stop.  It's an addiction and I did it all the time. One day in the bathroom, when I was washing my hands, one of my "friends" saw my cuts and she asked what they were and if I did them.  I told her I did them and she didn't even care, all she said was "oh, okay."  So that just made me feel even more worthless, invisible, and suicidal.

I Wanted to Die or Leave 

When I had gotten home that day I went for a walk around my neighborhood and I got taken and raped. I tried yelling for help but he covered my mouth.  I tried telling my dad but all he said was if someone did then you deserved it.  He tied me down to his bed and hit me until I started bleeding then he raped me. When I said I was going to tell my teacher he said if I did then it would just be worse tomorrow. By that time I did everything to die or leave, after a while I went to a hospital for 3 months but then I had to go back to my abusive dad.  No one would see me so I started sending dirty pictures to guys and girls to get attention.

A HopeCoach Told Me I Was Worth It

One day I found this website and started talking to someone, a HopeCoach, and they told me I was worth it and needed help to get better.  Since then I have slowly stopped cutting.

I am Whitney and that is my story.

If you are struggling with self-harm you can contact TheHopeLine HERE and check out our page of resources for self-harm to help you because scars don't have to last forever.

She told Dawson, "Thank you for saving my life."

She was about to pop of bunch of pills to end her life, but then Dawson came on the radio. Watch and see what happened.

[video width="854" height="480" mp4="https://d25xl55ypkvh19.cloudfront.net/beta-thehopeline/wp-wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Thank-You-for-Saving-My-life.mp4" poster="https://d25xl55ypkvh19.cloudfront.net/beta-thehopeline/wp-wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Thankyouforsavingmylife.jpg"][/video]

You want it so much.  You desire it so much.  Others have it.  Why can't you?  You aren't asking for much, are you?  You just want what so many other people have.  They take it for granted!  You don't!  You treasure it!  It is priceless!  It is precious to you!

But it is not yours.  No matter how much you pray for it, you can't have it.  No matter how much you work for it, you can't achieve it.  No matter how much you value it, you can't take it home and make it be yours.

We Feel Your Pain.

It makes your heart sick!  I mean sick.  Discouragement.  Despair.  Absence of any joy.  Nothing gives you pleasure.  Nothing gives you joy.  A friend trying to get your mind off your pain can put a smile on your face only as long as they sustain the effort.  As soon as they depart, the gloom washes quickly back into your soul.

Some call it depression.  Others call it grief.  Still others may call it envy, the green-eyed monster.  Whatever it is called, it is your experience now. We understand.  Been there, done that.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

The first part of this verse resonates with us.  Hope deferred does make the heart sick. The second part is hard to imagine.

What? Should I keep on longing and maybe someday it will be fulfilled? I can't do it anymore! I can't! The old reservoir of hope tank is running on fumes!

We need to understand God sees things differently than we do.  He teaches.  He guides.  He even lovingly disciplines.  The thing we are hoping for just might not be what is good for us.

Really? Seriously? I can't have it?

God: No! I know what is better for you! 

Ah, come on!!!!! I want it so much!!!!!

God: I know. I know. But I have something better for you! 

What is that? What could possibly be better than what I hope for?

God: Me! 

What?

Yes, me! I am the God of all creation. I can give you everything you need. I can fulfill your every need. Whatever you desire in the core of your being, I can deliver it better than anything or anyone else. I want you to long for me! I want you to want me. If you long for me, you will be fulfilled! Anything else you think you want will pale in comparison to what I deliver. 

The irony is this, if we actually get the thing we hope for so much, it will be disappointing.  It satisfies for a moment, but then the thrill is gone.  We then search for something else to hope for and the process starts over again.

Or, we can long for God and He will be the tree of life for us!

- Charles Wagner, founder of Gramazin.  Gramazin is a place for people to share their stories of hope and overcoming adversity. On gramazin.com you can see someone put into words how you might be feeling, read about someone else's solutions for their issues which might apply to what you are going through, and energize yourself to keep striving to make a difference in people's lives.

If you are struggling with depression, no matter the cause, to find out more and get help, check out our free eBook on Depression!

Dating Advice for Single Moms

Last time I wrote about how becoming a single mother meant having your entire life flipped upside-down. You've been handed a challenging combination of emotions and responsibilities, and now you've got to figure out how to manage. It is no doubt overwhelming, and certainly something you can't do on your own. Single moms need friendship, long for meaningful companionship, and can easily be frustrated and impatient with not having someone to share the responsibilities.
As a single mom it is very likely you will want to date sooner than later. The question is, when is the right time?

The question is, when is the right time?

DATING

A single mom called into my show to talk about dating and here is what I told her.

Dating is a challenging situation under the best of circumstances. The wrong kind of relationship can suck the life right out of you. The potential is very high for a single mother to become focused on her loneliness and try to find a boyfriend just to fill that loneliness.  So she gets caught up in the need for a man or settles for someone unhealthy. Like I told the caller, a relationship may help, but it won't heal.

Too often a single mom is so desperate to have a man in her life that the relationship moves way too quickly.
Ashley wrote: "I thought that I needed a boyfriend to make me happy. But what I needed was to focus on being a mother to my kids and working to take care of all the responsibilities of our family. This meant sacrificing a lot for what I THOUGHT I needed, but instead receiving so much more from my life."

Here are some helpful questions for you to ask yourself about a potential boyfriend

• Does he contribute to your strength and peace?
• Does he help you to be a better mother?
• Is he a distraction?
• Does he suck the life out of you?

You have to be very cautious about whom you date, and even more cautious about when the boyfriend is allowed to come into the life of your children.  Too often a single mom is so desperate to have a man in their life that things move way too quickly. Even the very valid motivation of having a dad" for their kids again is NOT a good reason to move too fast.  Not only is mom hurt when the relationship doesn't last, but so is the child.

It is very important for a single mom to protect herself from being isolated, but this does not mean jumping into a dating relationship.

Sharon said: "Our children should not meet our 'dating partners' unless they are becoming a serious potential 'marriage partner.'  They have already had to let go of the absent parent being an active part of their lives, they should not have to 'let go' again by getting attached to a dating partner with whom the relationship later ends, causing another loss to our child."

Some experts say it's not a good idea to bring your boyfriend around until it looks like you might be getting married. This prevents a lot of heartache and pain,
and protects your children from experiencing a "revolving door" of different boyfriends in their home.

It is very important for a single mom to protect herself from being isolated. It will only leave her locked in her own emotions without any fresh perspectives. Friendships with other moms can help provide this fresh perspective and support. I know moms who take turns watching each others' children in order to give one another a break or who plan playdates to combat the isolation. I also want to strongly encourage you to use TheHopeLine, so you aren't facing these confusing emotions and struggles alone. TheHopeLine has also created a resource page with Bible verses to encourage you. Remember, HopeCoaches are available 24/7 via phone or chat. You are not alone.

I was raped while taking the garbage out, right outside of my own house. I never saw who, but I'm hoping he will be caught soon.

I came to TheHopeLine because I was feeling alone and overwhelmed with everything.  Despite the support from my family and friends, I felt like I needed more.

So we talked for a while and I was given many resources which I will be taking, and then I was shown how God can help me heal.

Tonight, I found God. I know he will always be there for me, and I also know that TheHopeLine will be too.

So a HUGE thank you to the lady who helped me tonight, whoever you are.  You've helped push me in the right direction and I'll forever be grateful.

Thank you, 
Jade

If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence, it's not your fault. You are not alone. Help is available 24/7 through the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE and online.rainn.org.

Are you concerned about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? Learn more about it by downloading your free eBook.