Broken Heart

I Can’t Let a Broken Heart Break My Life

My name is Megan. I broke up with my boyfriend. We had a long distance relationship for a year and a half. During that time, he would say how much he loved me and that he couldn’t live a life without me and everything will be perfect when we are finally together in the same room one day. But those words were deceitful. He gave me this high hope. I worked so hard to save money so I could visit him. We’d been through so much together. I was blind to how I was being treated.

A Deceitful & Hurtful Relationship

I gave up a lot for this relationship. He said love is jealous, so I lost friends because he was very possessive. I even lost a career because he didn’t like my manager. He said the manager cared too much about me. My boyfriend demanded I talk with him when he had problems. I was always there to cheer him up. When he had issues, I was there to listen and to give him my opinion, when he asked for it. I gave him my all, but he never appreciated it.

He said all I ever wanted was an argument with him. If I confronted him about things, he would say we were not in sync. He would blame me for every mistake he made. When he got angry, he would talk to people online and tell them he was sick of me and call me names. Then he would later apologize to me and somehow convince me it was all my fault. He would say if I just wouldn’t argue with him then he wouldn’t do that.

8 Signs Your Dating Relationship Is Unhealthy

Enough is Enough

He broke my heart too many times. He cheated on me, but then would come to me crying saying all the right words. I was angry and disappointed, but I forgave him. He knew I would forgive him, so every time he would blame me for everything he did wrong. It was always about me not making him happy.

Finally, I realized I was a fool to keep the relationship going with the hope he would change. He didn’t. I began wondering if I am a weak person. Why would I love this man so much that I would allow myself to become so attached to him? I finally broke up with him. It was the hardest thing to do, and it hurt me a lot. I cried for days. I hoped that he would at least call me and ask if I was alright. He didn’t. I called my mom and she prayed for me in tears as she had to bear all my pain everytime this man hurt my feelings.

A Search for Hope

Not wanting to cause my mom any more pain, I searched the internet for advice on my problem. That’s when I found TheHopeLine. As soon as I logged in to chat, there was a coach available to talk to me. I didn’t expect it would work, but it did work. I told the coach my problem and the coach listened patiently and gave me some advice. It really touched my heart. Why would a stranger bother to listen and to give advice and pray for me? I felt like I was all alone with my pain, but here was someone willing to listen to me.

The coach asked me if I believed in God and tears started falling down my face. I had forgotten God for a long long time. Even though I had a good Christian upbringing, when I went to college I left it all behind. I thought God had forgotten me too because I had betrayed Him. When my mom prayed with me, I let her because that’s what she wanted. But when the coach asked me if she could pray for me, I knew I needed it more than anything. It gave me peace. I realized God had never left me…all this time He was around…watching me.

I know it is not an accident that I went to look for something to read and ended up at TheHopeLine. God led me here. I felt so dirty and so sinful. I felt I didn’t deserve God, but then my mom told me if you still feel guilty, it shows that God loves you because you can still feel it. If your heart becomes so stone cold and feels nothing, it means you reject God. That very moment I knew God never left me even though I turned my back on Him. He’s been there waiting for me, and He is using all that I am going through to lead me home to Him. I feel ashamed of myself, but also so grateful because God reached out to me through the coaches at TheHopeline.

It’s a Journey

I still struggle with my emotional pain. A coach reminded me that there is no easy way to fix my broken heart. When I wanted to harm myself, something held me back, and I went to talk to a coach instead. The talks with the coach really pushed me back to being rational. I could not harm myself for what I felt inside. It would not solve my problem. It would just keep me broken. I couldn’t do that to my parents or fail the coaches that God had provided for me. Why would I doubt that God couldn’t help me through this?

I can’t let a broken heart break my life. There is a choice between giving in to my pain or giving it all to God. I choose the second. I decided to let God give me the strength to endure my moment of pain, to let God walk with me in my darkest time, to let Him hold my hand and show me the way to deal with my brokenness.

The HopeCoach suggested I read blogs on this site, and, of course, read the Bible. It helped me a lot and I began to see myself more clearly. There are lots of people who suffer more than me, yet they aren’t giving in or giving up. We all have our own problems, even the coaches. Yet the coaches give their time to help someone in their time of need.

I can't let a broken heart break my life. I decided to let God walk with me in my darkest time. Click To Tweet

Hurt Again, but Stronger with God

After 3 weeks, suddenly my ex called me. He was drunk and crying. I asked what happened? He said after we broke up, he found someone else. He fell in love with her so bad, and he already had sex with her. But then he did something that made her break up with him. Hearing this stabbed me right through my heart. He kept on talking of how much he loves the girl and that he can’t lose her as she is the love of his life. He tried to kill himself to show how sorry he was to this girl. It caused my heart to break again to realize he didn’t feel anything for me while I was in pain.

But I knew the right thing to do, so I told him what the HopeCoaches had told me…to kill yourself over a broken heart is not wise. I asked if I could pray for him. He said okay, even though he didn’t believe in God. I put aside all my pain because his life was at stake. I asked God to give me strength because if God leads him to talk to me, then may I do that according to God’s will. So I told my ex, “Your life has a purpose, and to end your life because of a broken heart is just not fair.” He thanked me for always being there, but then once again blamed me! He said all of this wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t broken up with him.

After that, I was just numb. My heart felt cold. I just cried out to God. What is it He wants to teach me? I reached out to a HopeCoach again before I allowed myself to be flooded with bad thoughts. The coach encouraged me and prayed for me. I realized God did not let me down. I don’t know where I got the strength to keep my cool when my ex called me. Somehow God filled my heart with compassion…giving me the ability to help my ex realize that no matter what happens, our lives have a purpose and that God loves him and cares about him.

God’s Love is Greater Than a Broken Heart

Through this whole experience, my heart was torn to pieces, but it is still working and is actually stronger than it was before. I have learned the only true and unfailing love comes from God. I am grateful that God showed me His Love. A love so deep that he gave His only Son to die for our sins. Jesus experienced all the pain and hurtful things that we do and so much more. He died for people who were cursing him, rejecting him, and demeaning him. He demonstrates a love that conquers all that.

Humans can hurt each other in every worst way, but God’s love conquers it all. That’s what I have come to understand from my experience. Yes, I still feel down sometimes, but I’m no longer lost. God is putting me back together. He is shaping me. I trust He wouldn’t let me go through all this without a purpose. I know He has a plan for me. A great one!

I want to thank all the coaches who have been there for me in my time of need, you are all God’s hands. Thank you to everyone who shared their stories here. Reading all the stories gives me strength. That is the power of sharing! God bless you all.

And last but not least…Thank you, God for this wonderful site, wonderful people, and wonderful love you let us share with each other even though we are all strangers. You are wonderful, God! There is none like You! Let us all be the living proof that You are God. Amen.

If you are questioning whether your relationship is healthy or toxic, we are here to help you through this.

Photo Credit: Brooke Cagle

Moving On: How to Properly Grieve and Heal After a Breakup

by Dawson McAllister

The end of a relationship can feel devastating. It can be hard to sleep, eat, or concentrate. The things you once thought were fun don’t appeal anymore. Depending on how long you were together, or how intense the emotional attachment was, it may even feel like you don’t know what direction your life will take now.

But don’t give up faith, and don’t lose hope.

As with other types of grief, grieving after a breakup can be done in a healthy way that points you toward healing without spiraling into bitterness, shame, or self-loathing.

The end of a relationship can feel devastating. It can be hard to sleep, eat, or concentrate. #breakups Click To Tweet

Things Will Get Better

Acknowledging the end of a relationship is tough, but there are other things to learn and know after a breakup that are more empowering. One study by the Journal of Positive Psychology found that most participants saw progress in their healing, recovery, and growth after only a few months (around 11 weeks).

Just as knowing that you’re not alone in your feelings can help you when things are at their worst, knowing that you can and will heal from a breakup can help you move forward. There are plenty of practical ways to start on a path to wholeness.

Use Your Time Wisely

Since you’re not spending time with your significant other anymore, it can be tempting to fill that time by wallowing in negative emotions like self-pity, rage, and bitterness.

It may feel good to get those feelings out of your system, but they can do damage if not balanced by other emotions or experiences. If you have a history of struggles with harmful behaviors, addiction, or mental illness, the days after breaking up are a critical time to reach out for help and support.

There are lots of productive ways to use your time after a breakup. Here are a few of the most effective:

Travel: Going somewhere new can be a healthy distraction from the places and routines that remind you of your boyfriend or girlfriend. Take a road trip with some friends, visit family, or visit a hometown landmark you’ve never seen before. Planning and enjoying a trip helps you feel more independent, and may broaden your horizons along the way.

Learning: Learning something new is always fun and energizing. The sense of accomplishment it provides can boost your confidence and help you counter the negative emotions that come along with a breakup, You can try:

Taking a cooking class
Finding a new hobby
Exploring the outdoors
Sports, games, or exercise
Learning a new language

Helping Others: Whether it’s volunteering for a cause you believe in, giving time to a ministry at your church, tutoring at your local community center, or being there for a friend who’s going through a rough time, helping others is one of the most therapeutic things you can do after a breakup. It will help you feel better and it may provide you with some much-needed perspective.

5 Ways You Can Move Forward After A Broken Heart

Know Your Value

One of the most important things to remember when dealing with a breakup is that your partner’s negative words and feelings about you do not define your true worth. You had worth before and during the relationship. Your value cannot be damaged or diminished by a breakup, no matter how painful the end of the relationship feels.

Going through a breakup does not make you broken. Abundant grace and mercy will strengthen you to move forward. Click To Tweet

Believing this can be even more of a struggle if your romantic relationship (or other close relationships that would otherwise be a part of your support system) included a history of abuse, mistreatment, or abandonment.

“He gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak. . . Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint.”— Isaiah 40: 29, 31 (NIV)

But going through a breakup does not make you broken. You were created for good, and there is abundant grace and mercy to strengthen you and help you move forward. TheHopeLine is here for you during your breakup. Talk to us, reach out to a mentor, or request prayer whenever you need it. We can help you work toward healing a broken heart and make sure you reconnect with healthy relationships.

You fell in love and got hurt now what do you do? Find out how to heal, cope and love again:

She Cheated and I Thought My World Ended

Crazy in Love

I met this girl. She had a smile that made me melt inside. I began talking to her every day and quickly fell in love. We’d been talking about getting married and it felt so certain. It was all I wanted. No. She was all I wanted. I loved her with every ounce of my soul. She was part of me. I thought we were destined to be together. I loved her so much that if I wasn’t talking to her I’d rather not talk at all. We used to just stare into each other’s eyes and know that everything was gonna be okay as long as we were together. We didn’t even need to talk sometimes we already knew what was going to be said.

She Cheated

But now, those three words that meant so much, mean so little. One night I was by myself and I felt like hearing her voice so I called her. She answered and while we were talking I hear her some guy in the background say “babe get off the phone already!” And I just cringed and told her that I had to go. My phone kept going off and it was her every time. I just sat there in my room considering what I thought were options. I wanted to die almost as much as I had wanted her. I felt so betrayed. I went on Instagram and was looking at her photos. I saw this guy in her comments and they were flirting with each other. I felt like the life was leaving my body. But it was just the love.

I ended the relationship. She said she was sorry and tried to “explain”. There were no words to take away that kind of pain. This tore me up for months. I could hardly stand hearing her name. All of “our songs” were ruined. I felt like I climbed back inside the shell she forced me to break through. I hid from the sunshine and the possibility of finding someone else.

Jacob’s Broken Heart: EP 3

The Darkness Passed

But in the midst of this, I found myself. I suffered all those nights only to wake up every day. I thought so often about leaving this world behind, but now I realize I was so blind. I couldn’t see that the darkness was only for the moment. I didn’t know that it would pass. I thought it never would honestly.

But I’m telling YOU now that the dark moments in life are what define us. We can choose to sink in our issues until we’re in over our heads or we could find a way, no matter how long it takes, to climb out of the deep darkness. You will be yourself again just give it time. Just breathe. There are better days ahead I promise you this.

From someone who’s been there. #brokenheart

Think your significant other may be cheating on you? Read 15 Signs Your BF-GF May be Cheating on You.

For more help download TheHopeLine’s free relationship series eBook on cheating:

Why do Bad Things Happen?

This Guest Post comes from Everystudent.com, a safe place to explore questions about life and God. We thank them for allowing us to share their response to the very hard question everyone has asked at some point in their life…”Why does God allow bad things to happen?”

How do we explain what we see in this world?

Terrorist attacks, sex slavery, racism, world hunger?

Subconsciously, we probably ask ourselves questions like these quite often. But consciously we rarely do. We’re so busy living our lives we rarely stop and wonder WHY?

But then something happens to wake us up. Our parents get divorced. The girl down the street gets abducted. A relative gets cancer. That wakes us up for awhile. But then we can often sink back into the denial. That is, until another tragedy hits, another incongruence. Then we’re likely to think, Something isn’t right here. Something is really, really wrong. This isn’t how life’s supposed to be!

So, WHY do bad things happen?

Why isn’t this world a better place?

There is an answer to the WHY question, found in the Bible. But it’s not an answer that most people like to hear: the world is the way it is because it’s the world that we, in a sense, have asked for.

Sound strange?

What or who could make this world different than the way it is? What or who could guarantee that life is pain-free, for everyone, all the time?

God could. God could accomplish that. But he doesn’t. At least not right now. And we’re angry with him as a result. We say, “God can’t be all-powerful and all-loving. If he were, this world wouldn’t be the way it is!”

We say this hoping that God will then change his position on the matter. Our hope is that putting a guilt trip on him will make him change the way he’s doing things.

But he doesn’t seem to budge. WHY doesn’t he?

God doesn’t budge — he doesn’t change things right now — because he’s giving us what we asked for: a world where we get to treat him as though he is absent and unnecessary.

Remember the story of Adam and Eve? They ate the “forbidden fruit.” That fruit was the idea that they could ignore what God said or gave them, and strike out on life apart from God. For Adam and Eve sort of hoped that they could become like God, without God.

They consumed the notion that there was something more valuable in existence than God himself, something more valuable than having a personal relationship with God. And this world system — with all of its faults — came as a result of the choice they made.

Their story is the story of all of us, isn’t it? Who hasn’t said — if not audibly at least in their hearts — God, I think I can do this without you. I’ll just go this one alone. But thanks for the offer.

We’ve all tried to make life work without God.

Why do we do that? Probably because we’ve all bought the notion that there’s something more valuable, more important, than God. For different people it’s different things, but the mindset is the same: God isn’t what’s most important in life. In fact, I’d just as soon do it without him altogether.

What is God’s response to that?

He allows it. Many people experience the painful results of others’ or their own choices that run contrary to God’s ways…murder, sexual abuse, greed, lying/fraud, slander, adultery, kidnapping, etc.

All of these can be explained by people who have refused to give God access and influence over their lives. They are going about their lives as they see fit, and they and others suffer.

What’s God view on all of this?

He’s not smug. In fact, God could rightly be viewed as leaning forward, compassionate, hoping we will turn to him so that he can bring real life to us.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”¹ But not all are willing to go to him. Jesus commented on this when he said: “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.”²

Again, Jesus brings the issue back to our relationship with him. “I am the light of the world. He who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”³

But what about when life is unfair, when bad things happen to us?

What about those horrible circumstances that hit us in life, caused by someone other than ourselves? When we are feeling victimized, it’s useful to realize that God himself endured horrendous treatment from others. God more than understands what you are going through.

There is nothing in life that could be more painful than what Jesus endured on our behalf, when he was deserted by his friends, ridiculed by those who would not believe in him, beaten and tortured before his crucifixion, then nailed to a cross, in shameful public display, dying of slow suffocation.

What To Do When We’re Mad At God

He created us, yet allowed humanity the freedom to do this, to fulfill Scripture and to set us free from our sin. This was no surprise to Jesus. He was aware of what was coming, foreknowing all the details, all the pain, all the humiliation.

“And as Jesus was going up to Jerusalem, he took the twelve disciples aside, and on the way he said to them, ‘Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of man will be delivered to the chief priests and scribes, and they will condemn him to death, and deliver him to the Gentiles to be mocked and scourged and crucified, and he will be raised on the third day.”⁴

Imagine knowing something that awful was going to happen to you. Jesus understands emotional and psychological anguish. The night that Jesus knew they would arrest him, he went to pray, but took some friends with him.

“And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, ‘My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here and watch [keep awake] with me. And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, ‘My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will but as thou wills.”⁵

Though Jesus confided in his three friends, they didn’t understand the depth of his torment, and when Jesus returned from prayer he found them asleep. Jesus understands what it’s like going through pain and extreme sadness alone.

Here it is summarized, as John describes in his gospel: “He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world knew him not. He came to his own home, and his own people received him not. But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God.”⁶ “For God sent the Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him. For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”⁷

There is no question that there is pain and intense suffering in this world.

Some of it is explained by selfish, hateful actions on the part of others. Some of it defies an explanation in this life. But God offers us himself. God gives us the knowledge that he has endured also, and is aware of our pain and needs. Jesus said to his disciples, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”⁸

There is ample reason to be afraid, troubled, but God can give us his peace, which is greater than the problem before us. He is after all, God, the Creator. The one who has always existed. The one who created a universe on the backstroke.

‘Out of the Dark’: Mandisa chats with TheHopeLine!

Yet even in his power, he’s also the one who knows us intimately, even the smallest, insignificant details. And if we will trust him with our lives, relying on him, though we encounter difficulties, he will hold us securely.

Jesus said, “These things I have spoken to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”⁹ He went through our ultimate threat — death — and overcame it. He can take us through the difficult circumstances of this life, and then bring us into eternal life, if we will trust him.

We can either go through this life with God or without him.

Jesus prayed, “O righteous Father, although the world has not known you, yet I have known you; and these have known that you sent me; and I have made your name known to them, and will make it known, so that the love with which you loved me may be in them, and I in them.”¹⁰

You might find yourself asking, “Why is life so hard?” Without God, humanity is easily drawn into hatred, racism, sexual abuse, murdering each other.

Jesus said, “I came that you might have life, and have it more abundantly.”

This post was originally published here. If you have further questions about God? Please see www.everystudent.com If you have asked God into your heart please visit www.startingwithgod.com

Did this post get you thinking? Did it raise new thoughts or questions? We welcome your comments below.

If you are wondering what a relationship with God is all about, you may also enjoy this free eBook.

A Condom For The Heart

by Dawson McAllister

I remember many years ago, reading an article about condoms. There was a big debate at the time as to whether condoms would slow down the sexual revolution and really make sex safer. There was a quote from a Catholic priest which I’ll never forget. He said, “I’ll believe in condoms when they come up with a condom for the heart.”

We live in time when condoms are thrown out into the crowd, telling you if you’re going to have sex you simply have to protect yourself. But I have yet to find a condom for the heart. When I say heart, I’m talking about your deepest emotions, the way you look at yourself, and how you feel about the one you love.

No Protection for Regret and Broken Hearts?

I have talked to hundreds of people who cannot erase the regret and pain that has been brought on by having sex with their boyfriend, girlfriend or even a stranger. This is a pain that no condom can ever protect you from.

Ride a roller-coaster or go on a trip if you need thrill and excitement. [Lovers] come and go, but babies, STD’s, and regret stay.

Everybody is looking for someone who will love them unconditionally. Sex alone will not fill that void. In fact, casual sex will just leave you empty, but wanting more, making the ache deeper and deeper. Julianne says it really well: Why have sex over a feeling that can come and then go. Sure sex is fun and a thrill, but the heartache and worries are NOT WORTH IT!! Ride a roller-coaster or go on a trip if you need thrill and excitement. [Lovers] come and go, but babies, STD’s, and regret stay.

No Protection for Being Used

Condoms can’t protect you from confusing love for lust. Lucy commented about having sex for the first time at age 13, and the attachment she automatically felt for the guy. She said: When this happened, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I lost something I will never be able to get back. I was so madly in love with this guy, had such low-confidence, and was willing to do anything to keep this guy in my life. Having sex was what he wanted, and all he wanted. We did not use a condom, and surprisingly, it was not my biggest regret. I was used, and then dropped. I am still not able to get over this guy. We don’t talk anymore. He hates me. Sadly, I’d still do anything to be close with him again. I wasn’t ready and now I’m so emotionally attached.

Tragically, Lucy still does not understand she is set up for more hurt if she goes back to this guy. Because, like all of us, she has not found a condom for her heart. She is playing with emotional unprotected sex.

Comparing Love vs. Lust

Anthony admits that guys don’t have a condom for their heart either: Me and my girlfriend were going out for about a year and a half when we had sex for the first time. Every time after that all she wanted was sex. I didn’t want to but I thought I loved her so I gave in. When she thought she was pregnant, things went downhill. Good thing for us she wasn’t. When we broke up she thought that I was using her for sex when I never really wanted to.

Condoms also cannot prevent you from feeling cheap. Mandi shares how she carries a lot of the heaviness and shame that came from having sex: I dated a guy who told me he loved me, and how wonderful things would be. He forced me to have sex and then broke up with me. I felt so ashamed for going out with him and didn’t understand how he could do that. I felt like it was all my fault. My self-respect was lost. I felt like no guy would ever really love me.

No Protection for a Ruined Reputation

Condoms don’t protect your reputation. When Tiffany was 16, she had already had sex with ten different guys. She painfully explains her situation: After the third guy I was really wanting to kill myself because all the guys in my town were calling me the town ho, but I just wanted to get pregnant so someone would love me. Well, I did get pregnant. But after the guy found out he beat me up, and, like he was trying to do, I had a miscarriage.

Too bad Tiffany didn’t have a condom to protect her reputation, but there’s no such thing.

No Heart Protection

All of these stories prove a point. Condoms only do what are they are designed to do and that is to help with birth control and protect from STDs. Sometimes they fail even doing that. But they are not designed to protect your heart from being broken with irresponsible and uncommitted sex. Until you find a partner who will stay committed to you for the rest of your life, you will always experience the pain and regret of a heart without a condom.

Please leave a comment if you have a similar story that can help others make wise choices.

Relationship Disasters – What Not to Do: EP 22

Questions to Ask Before Starting to Date

In This Episode:

Even before you begin to date, there are some questions you need to ask yourself and then answer which could save you from a lot of pain, heartache and relationship disasters. In this episode, I talk with Dustin about his unrealistic expectations with dating. Then I talk with Blake, who jumped into dating and a physical relationship way too quickly. Lastly, Jessica and I have a conversation about her dating over 150 guys in one year and how she’s needs to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

Unrealistic Expectations

Dustin met a girl on a dating website. Dustin soon realized he has too much going on to date a girl who lives 2 hours away. Plus, he’s not attracted to her but he’s still dating her.

In my conversation with Dustin, it became clear he had unrealistic expectations about what dating could do for him.

Dustin should have asked himself am I genuinely attracted to this girl or am I settling for less, just so I can be in a relationship?

If you are dating and realize this person is not the one you want to keep dating then don’t drag it out. Sometimes we attempt to keep the relationship going when we should have ended it. Dustin went into the relationship with high expectations, even though she didn’t meet them, he kept dating her anyway. What a mistake! Dustin is settling for a girl he’s not attracted to, just to be in a relationship.

Dustin should also have asked himself, “Do I have enough time and emotional energy to give to the relationship?”

Dustin isn’t in a good place to start a relationship. Why is he even looking for someone right now? He has too much on his plate already. It should be a clue he’s not ready to seriously date. Successful dating relationships take time and can’t be pushed, manipulated, or made into something it’s not. Dustin was trying to force a relationship with her even though she wasn’t the right girl and it wasn’t the right time.

Dustin should have asked himself a very direct question: “Am I looking to this girl to make me feel complete?”

Spiritual and Emotional Completeness

No woman is going to make Dustin feel whole for very long. A true spiritual and emotional completeness comes only from a deep relationship with Jesus Christ. His love never fails us. His wisdom is beyond our wildest imagination. His plans for us are always the best. King David, a great king in the Bible said, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.” Psalm 7: 4-5

God knows our desires and knows what we need, who else can helps us like God? We are easily fooled but God is never. If we seek Him with all of our heart, all our other desires will take care of themselves.

If the person is not the ONE you want to keep dating then don’t drag it out. #relationships Click To Tweet

Jumped into Dating Way Too Quickly

Blake and his girlfriend jumped into dating way too quickly. It became physical even though neither of them intended it to be.

Blake should have asked himself, “Is this relationship spinning out of control?”

Don’t let the powerful feelings of false intimacy, stirred up by the misuse of sex, fool you into thinking you have an awesome relationship. In reality, you don’t! It’s just a matter of time until the whole thing will fall apart. That’s what happened to Blake. They weren’t even friends and didn’t know how to fix it. Sex was a cloud over their relationship that kept it from growing and led it to be out of control. Don’t let that happen to you!

Don’t let false intimacy, stirred up by sex, fool you into thinking you have a great relationship. Click To Tweet

Epitome of a Relationship Disaster

Jessica blew my mind. Here is a young woman who has dated over 150 guys in one year. She said she’s the epitome of a relationship disaster.

Jessica needed to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

She has developed a full-blown addiction to guys. She keeps going with a different guy nearly every night but it doesn’t work. She always comes up empty and yet craving for more. She’s turned guys into a god. There’s no way these guys could ever meet her needs. She’s looking to them to do for her what only God can do.

Carousel of Heartbreak

Don’t ever let someone you are dating turn into a god. Only God can be God. Only God can fill your emptiness. One could date a million guys, still come up empty and still trapped on a carousel of heartbreak. Only Jesus Christ can rescue Jessica from the blinding, cruel carousel. The last thing she needs to do is go after one more guy. She needs a whole new personal healing. She needs to put first things first and get her life out of reverse. Jesus said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

Don’t let who you're dating turn into a god. Only God can be God. Only God can fill your emptiness. Click To Tweet

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

My hope is you will continually ask yourself important questions and be honest with the answers. Be very careful before starting to date because you could end up with scars God never intended you to have. With God’s help, you can develop a healthy, happy dating experience and that is my hope for you.

Resources for Relationships:

Check out my eBooks: Understanding Dating, Getting Over a Broken Heart, Relationship Advice for Girls, and Relationship Advice for Guys.

Check out my blogs: 8 Signs Your Dating Relationship is Unhealthy, Stop the Heartache – 4 Things to Avoid, and It Felt So Right.

Check out these stories of hope from people who have struggled in their relationship: Relationship Issues, and My Relationship, Depression and Then Hope
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.

With God’s help, you can develop a healthy, happy dating experience. @dawsonradio #RelationshipGoals Click To Tweet

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on how to deal with anger. Everybody struggles with it, you, me and the guy down the street and that’s why God speaks about it so much in the Bible. I had a chance to talk with 3 people: Evie, Donald and Matthew about their anger. I think you will be moved by their honesty but also the serious traps they could fall into if they don’t deal with it.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

It Felt So Right

Have you ever wondered, “Is my boyfriend right for me?” Have you stayed in a relationship too long with the wrong person? Are you trying to force a relationship to work when you know it is a lost cause? Then you will relate to this story originally posted on Issues I Face and the lessons learned along the way.

How it Began

He sat alone on the other side of the room. The new guy in my senior class. Mysterious but definitely worth another glance. Our eyes made contact and the emotions I immediately felt astonished me. I blinked and looked away. He did, too. I know because I glanced at him again. And he caught me doing it. So I gathered the girls sitting next to me and told them we ought to be nice and go say hi. Safety in numbers.

He began to hang out with my crowd and was accepted. But soon, it would be just the two of us walking along or in conversation in the corner of the room. We became more physical in expressing our feelings. I felt truly pretty for the first time in my life. Sunshine covered my world.

At first he treated me really well. All my friends commented on how amazing we were together. He was really into me and wanted to do the things I liked. He bought me small gifts and his well-timed kisses melted my heart. Sure, he talked me into doing things I normally wouldn’t do, but I wanted to please him. Being with him made me feel great. Everyone knew we were an item. We were rarely not with the other, as if glued at the hip.

I Need Space

Then things changed. At first I didn’t really notice. Or I should say I chose to ignore the signs. The times he showed up an hour late and then spent the rest of the evening apologizing. The red rims under his eyelids he said were because work and school were getting to him. The times he seemed to be elsewhere and I’d have to draw his attention back to me. Then came the dreaded request — “I need space.”

I gave it to him. I figured it was temporary. We all go through stress, and though I wanted to be there for him, he said he wanted to be alone. I tried to not let that get to me. It did. Midnights would find me hugging my pillow in tears, not knowing how to talk with him about this change in his feelings for me.

He wasn’t around as much. I watched as he slipped out of my life, gradually at first. Then like a skateboard picking up momentum on the downhill, he zipped away, leaving me devastated. Confused. Rejected. In anguish. What had I done?

Ignoring Warning Signs

Friends began to tell me they had seen him with another girl. I know they meant well in telling me, but I really didn’t want to know. Two months later he appeared outside of one of my favorite hangouts and asked if we could talk. I almost didn’t recognize him. His skin was greyish and his eyes hollow. He told me we got too close and it scared him, but he realized being without me was worse. I took him back, and things were the way they had been when we first met. For a while. Then the old pattern began to surface. This time, I was the one who walked. A famous statesman once said, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

Related Posts:

8 Signs Your Dating Relationship Is Unhealthy

Three months later he appeared at my door. He finally confessed that he was into drugs and all along I had been the other girl. He thought because I was wholesome and good I could save him. But her pull and the drugs were too strong. Now she was pregnant. Even though he didn’t love her, they were going to try to make a go of it and enter rehab together, for the sake of the baby. Part of me admired him for his honesty and courage, but most of me wanted to claw out his eyes.

The wrong guy taught me a lot of the right things.

Emotions cannot be the foundation for a relationship. Neither can sex. You have to take it slow and learn about each other before you make any commitment to become exclusive. See how they interact with their family and yours. And ask your true and close friends for their honest instincts about him.

Don’t hide your true self thinking the person you want to attract would be turned off by it, and try not to always do things or say things just to please the other one. That is being fake. If they don’t like you for who you are, it won’t work. If they can’t see around your hangups and quirks, then they don’t truly care.

You can’t change anyone. They can’t change you.

You can’t try to be a different person than who you are just because your heart is drawn to someone. If there is something you want to change about yourself, you have to do it for you. It’s unfair to put that pressure on someone else. Besides, it rarely turns out the way you expect.

If you don’t feel good about yourself, you need to deal with it — not depend on someone to make you feel better. It’s not fair to him or you, and most likely he is not going to like you for the real you when it surfaces, and it will. He may just see you as an easy target or a game to boost his ego. The result? Someone, probably both of you, will end up hurt.

If you are in the grip of heartbreak from a breakup, we understand how devastating and embarrassing it can be. We get the anger, the aching loneliness, and the doubt. Maybe you’re worried that the guy you’re with now is wrong for you.

Dawson McAllister gives great advice in this podcast. Take a listen:

Is Your Toxic Relationship Sucking the Life out of You? EP 21

Struggling with a Broken Heart? Download this free eBook today.

This Guest Post was used with permission. Originally published by issuesiface.com.

How To Move On From Your Ex : EP 17

Getting Over Your Ex is Not Easy

In This Episode:

You’ve been in a relationship with someone and now that relationship is over. You have ties to that person which are hard to break. Sometimes, it’s tremendously harder to move on from them than you thought it would be. If you’re having a hard time moving on from your ex, join me as I speak with Anthony, Jessica, and Keith, each of them trying to get over their ex! You might just find some advice that works for you as well.

I Can’t Stop Thinking About Her

Anthony’s ex-girlfriend told his current girlfriend he was cheating on her with her (his ex). His girlfriend believed his ex, so they decided to break it off and just be friends. But now, Anthony can’t stop thinking about her.

Anthony thought his relationship with his girlfriend was much stronger than it turned out to be. They had only been in a relationship a few months. It was hardly enough time for them to build a solid foundation. Every relationship is tested in some way. When their relationship was tested, it crumbled.

What Anthony’s ex did was wrong. No one, including Anthony needs their reputation trashed. But in the end, it became a blessing. It helped bring to light the trust issues his girlfriend had and his obsessiveness in their relationship.

They both had their reasons for breaking up and agreed they needed to be just friends. But, once Anthony realized the relationship with his girlfriend was truly over, he began to obsess. He became emotionally overwhelmed with what he could not have, which was her.

What he needed to do was go back over the reasons they decided to break up to begin with. All the reasons are still there. He should let his obsessive feelings go, even though he doesn’t feel like it. The sooner he lets go, the quicker he will stop obsessing over his ex-girlfriend. And the sooner he’ll be able to walk away completely.

Can't stop thinking about your ex? You can walk away completely. @dawsonradio #relationships Click To Tweet

He Broke Up with Me and I Didn’t Take It Well

Jessica’s boyfriend broke up with her but she knew there was still something between them. He started dating a girl 10 days after breaking up with her. Then a bit later, Jessica and he started having sex even though he was with another girl. Jessica said she’s still wants him so she’s willing to put up with being used. The problem is that whatever he’s saying to Jessica, he’s staying to this other girl. Whatever he’s doing to Jessica, he’s doing to his girlfriend as well.

So, many people know their relationship is over but they try to prop it up anyway. Most of the time it doesn’t work and ends up in a lot of heartache. In Jessica’s case, she tried to prop up her relationship with her ex with sex.

Jessica is shifting the blame and saying it’s okay for her to have sex with her ex, because this other girl took her boyfriend away from her. What she’s saying is, I’m willing to disrespect myself to get what I need which is feeling loved by him again.

Instead, Jessica needs to stop having sex with her ex so she can walk away with self-respect. Sex will not meet her deepest needs or bring her boyfriend back. Her ex doesn’t have the capacity to meet her deepest needs. He became tired of her before, and he’ll get tired of her again. People ask too much of their exes. They ask them to meet needs only God can meet.

If you want to know more about having a meaningful relationship with God, check out my podcast episode number 9. You can hear how Ronnie’s life was changed and how yours can too.

People know their #relationship is over but they try to prop it up anyway with #sex. @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

I Can’t Find Reasons To Move On

Keith feels stuck in a rut. He split up with his girlfriend 2 years ago. They were 6 months away from being married but things deteriorated and their relationship ended. Keith keeps thinking about what could have been if they hadn’t broken up. He said he can’t find reasons to move on.

If you are not over your ex after 2 years, something is wrong. What could keep him obsessing that long?

It’s because they became serious way too quickly. They were acting like they were married, but the relationship did not hold together. Once you start acting like you’re married, you’re in deep. It may be fun to act that way, but it causes a lot of pressure on the relationship. Slow down, the action will happen soon enough.

There is a common problem with people who can’t get over their ex:

They are not remembering their ex the way they really were.
They are remembering a fantasy of their ex.
They keep the fantasy going by saving all the mementos of their ex.

It’s difficult to throw away memories of the past but Keith will continue to have a difficult time with his emotions if he doesn’t.

Walking away isn’t easy when you thought you were in love but in reality, you weren’t. It’s the truth that sets us free. It’s time for Keith to believe the truth his relationship is over so he can get on with the rest of his life. There is so much more to live for.

Walking away isn’t easy when you thought you were in love but in reality, you weren’t. @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Just about everybody will walk away from an ex at one time or another. So many people living in the past, obsessing over something that wasn’t even a reality. Ask yourself, am I living in the truth or am I in a fantasy? That’s a difficult question to answer but if you can answer yourself truthfully then you can get on with the rest of your life.

Resources for Getting Over Your Ex:

Take a look at my eBooks: Getting Over a Broken Heart and Understanding Dating
Check out my blogs: 7 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Over Your Ex, Ever Heard of Love Addiction?, It’s OK to be Single, and When An Ex Won’t Leave You Alone
Check out other’s stories about relationships: Bad Break Up and Unhealthy Relationships, Relationship From TheHopeLine, and My Relationship, Depression and Then Hope
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on gambling addiction. The love of money is so gripping, it can cause us to wander away from God and lead us into all kinds of trouble, where we have broken hearts with many sorrows. And we don’t just break our own hearts but also those near to us. In this episode I speak with Mike, Paris, and David each of them dealing with troubles, stemming from their gambling addictions.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

I Can’t Believe They Cheated on Me!: EP 15

Going Through the Pain of Being Cheated On

In This Episode:

Let’s talk about cheating again but tackle the other side of it, What to do when you’ve been cheated on! Last podcast (episode 14), I talked with Josh, Sean and Ameera who did the cheating. This episode, I speak with Tabitha, James and Katelynn, who have been cheated on. Let’s hear firsthand, what it is to go through the pain of being cheated on.

Hoops He Needed to Jump Through After Breaking Her Trust

Tabitha gave away her heart for her boyfriend. Even though he had already cheated on her, she agreed to marry him anyway. She took a chance she should have never taken. It’s a huge mistake to agree to a bigger commitment when the smaller ones haven’t been met. Jesus said, “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” Luke 16:10

Tabitha’s fiancé had not proven he could be faithful. She wanted the relationship to work so badly, she trusted him again even though he had broken her trust. There are hoops he needed to jump through to prove to her he was serious about being faithful, like counseling and accountability groups. Instead, they started talking marriage. They tried to put their relationship back together, without dealing with the difficult issues. They thought a commitment to marriage was going to solve their trust issues. It seldom does. They even traded user names and passwords to help him stay accountable but that didn’t work either. She caught him having inappropriate conversations with girls online.

Now, she’s in a difficult situation because they’ve set a date for their wedding. Some money has already been spent and preparations have started. Obviously, it would be huge mistake to go ahead with the wedding. One mistake, setting the date, doesn’t mean you have to make another and go ahead with the marriage. Better disappointment and some heartache now then the grief after they’re married.

It’s time for Tabitha to break things off completely with her fiancé. It’s going to be hard but the longer she waits, the harder it will be. She needs to begin to focus on her healing and moving on with her life.

I Don’t Care Enough About You To Stay Faithful.

James received the incredible shocking news that his girlfriend has been cheating on him. To make matters even worse, she is pregnant and the baby is not his. James never saw it coming; after all, they had been together for 4 years. James responded to her betrayal in all the wrong ways. He started drinking and he’s so upset he’s not thinking clearly.

When someone cheats like James’ girlfriend did, she’s making a statement which says, I don’t care enough about you to stay faithful. For James to try to salvage the relationship would only make matters worse. There is one thing for James’ to be thankful for, this other guy has taken his girlfriend off his hands. Fortunately, James found out what she is really like before making any bigger commitments to her.

James can’t avoid all the pain, either way he’s going to suffer. But he can cause himself much more time and hurt by trying to prop up a dead relationship. Instead, James needs a whole new foundation for his life. He seriously needs to turn to God, who will never cheat on him, and receive God’s unconditional love. Then he can see himself as God does, valuable, worthy, and in need of His love. It sounds impossible now but James can come to the other side of this cheating nightmare even stronger.

Being cheated on doesn’t have to be the end of your life story. You can recover, move on and have an awesome life.

Cheated On Multiple Times

Katelynn’s boyfriend has cheated on her multiple times. If you find yourself obsessing in a relationship, you don’t have a good one. You may have heard the saying, “If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, they’re yours. If they don’t come back to you, they weren’t yours to begin with.”

If she keeps blowing up his phone, what is she saying to him about herself? That she thinks she can’t live without him. That’s bogus. She needs to hold her head high, and not belittle herself by what she is doing, which is borderline harassment. If she keeps obsessing, she isn’t focusing on her own life. There are people at her school who need her and she has a lot to offer.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Tabitha, James and Katelynn have each been heartbroken from being cheated on. When you are cheated on, it’s really hard to trust in future relationships. But being cheated on doesn’t have to be the end of your story. You can recover and learn to trust again! Consider turning to God, who will never cheat on you! You can receive God’s unconditional love and see yourself as God does…valuable, worthy, saved by grace, chosen and a representative of Him!

Resources for cheating:

Take a look at my eBook: Understanding Cheating in Relationships.
Check out my blogs: 15 Signs Your BF-GF May Be Cheating On You, Your BF/GF is Cheating on You…Now What?, Why Did Your Guy Cheat on You?, and Moving On From A Cheating Boyfriend – 6 Things NOT To Do
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

In the next episode, join me as I speak with Kayla, Lee and Tarah, each of them pregnant and needing guidance. Kayla is not sure who the birth father is, Lee’s boyfriend is addicted to drugs and alcohol, and Tarah has a life and death decision to make.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Jacob’s Broken Heart: EP 3

How to Overcome a Broken Heart.

In This Episode:

When it comes to relationships, one of the most asked questions is, “How can I overcome a broken heart?” If you haven’t had your heart broken yet, there’s a good chance you will. To be in love is to be vulnerable to the other person so if they want to hurt us, they can. The deeper the love, the deeper the hurt. All this pain begs for an answer, what can you do to fix or mend a broken heart? If you follow my advice, I’m convinced you will heal more quickly and more deeply. In this episode, I will give you 6 ways to help you overcome a broken heart. This episode also includes Jacob and Nina’s story of heartbreak. They will both get through this and so will you.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

It happened…you opened yourself up to love and got hurt. You’ve been left heartbroken and vulnerable. The hurt is powerful, we are not going to pretend otherwise, but you can overcome. It’s only when we feel our pain that we are honestly able to deal with it and move on. You can move on past this hurt and find healing for your heartbreak.

Resources for Overcoming a Broken Heart:

Take a look at my blogs: Getting Over A Broken Heart – 6 Steps To Healing, 15 Practical Steps to Help You Get Over a Broken Heart, 5 Ways You Can Move Forward After a Broken Heart, and Stop the Heartbreak – 4 Things to Avoid
For more help, download the free eBook: Getting Over a Broken Heart
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor
Need prayer? We have people that will pray for you at ThePrayerZone

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

The next episode is about lust.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

15 Signs Your BF-GF May Be Cheating On You

by Dawson McAllister

Do You Have A Feeling Your BF-GF Is Cheating On You?

You should be aware of some tell-tale warning signs. In this blog I will suggest 15 Signs to test your relationship. If you confront your BF/GF and discover they are cheating, read this: Your BF/GF is Cheating on You…Now What?

But first…

Can You Relate To Angela’s Fear?

Angela’s fear of her boyfriend cheating on her led her in all the wrong directions. “I always think in my head that he’s cheating, so I want to cheat. Or if he’s ignoring me, I don’t know what else to do. Every time we fight and he doesn’t show me love, I find it somewhere else. If he ever left me my whole life would fall apart. But I never think about these consequences when I’m doing what I do. It’s like drinking and driving; people know the consequences of drinking and driving but yet do it anyways because it seems okay or it’s tempting.

Have You Been Hurt Like Katrina?

Katrina had her trust shattered when she was engaged. “I caught my fiance cheating on me. We had been together for 5 years and all he would tell me is that he wasn’t happy. I think when he found that other woman, he uncovered feelings that he didn’t feel with me. The worst part is it went on for one month. He always would tell me he would never do something like this to me.”

Test Your Relationship Against These 15 Signs Your Bf/Gf May Be Cheating On You.

1. You begin to notice emotional distance between the two of you. Things just aren’t the way they used to be.
2. Your instinct tells you he/she is being unfaithful. Deep in your heart of hearts you sense something has gone wrong with your relationship.
3. You begin spending less time together. Your bf/gf tells you he/she doesn’t have the time for you like they used to.
4. The one you love so much stops asking you to go out and do special things together. Your bf/gf just doesn’t have the time for you like before.
5. They suddenly start encouraging you to spend time with other people. Their rationalization is If you spend time with other people, then I can too.
6. There’s a distinct change in his/her schedule. They often make excuses for the extended time of running errands.
7. There are huge blocks of time your bf/gf is secretive about. They won’t tell you where they have been.
8. You notice suspicious computer or cell phone activity like secret texts, emails or strange websites. Many people are caught cheating because of what is on their computers or cell phones.
9. He/she doesn’t answer certain phone calls when you’re around. They look especially panicked when the phone rings.
10. He/she doesn’t talk to you about all their deepest feelings anymore.
11. They appear anxious when you’re together and want to leave, maybe they say they’re just tired. Cheating drains their emotional and physical energy because of fear they’re going to get caught or from spending a lot of their time trying to cover their tracks.
12. You notice a sudden change in their appearance, or they have an increased concern about how they look. Your bf/gf probably has a new reason to look great, and that person is most likely the one they’re cheating with.
13. He/she hangs around with a new best friend of the opposite sex a lot, even more than they spend time with you.
14. Your bf/gf spends time with his/her ex, but claims nothing is happening.
15. He/she begins to be increasingly critical of you, or blames you for cheating, even when you haven’t. This is a way of putting you on the defensive and making them feel better about what they are doing.

Don’t Ignore The Warning Signs

The above indicators are all warning signs. If you notice multiple changes in behavior, routine or personality, and not just isolated incidences, you should confront them about these signs. You should always trust first, but don’t ignore red flags.

It’s also important to be aware that you can’t always trust your “gut feeling.” Sometimes it’s just jealousy and insecurity creeping in.

What makes a good relationship is honesty. Click To Tweet

Lexie has closing words of advice for us: “I think what makes a good relationship is honesty. You cannot lie to the other person or cheat! That will seriously ruin everything in the relationship and you might not be able to fix it after it’s happened. If anything’s wrong, tell each other and try to work it out.”

Whatever the Outcome You are Worthy of Love

If you find out your partner is cheating on you, do not let yourself think for a moment that you are not worthy of love. God created you to be just who you are and he loves you as His precious child. In this messy, sinful world we live in, people will hurt each other. It doesn’t mean you ever deserved to be hurt. In fact, God desires that we love each other selflessly, the way He loves us. This is how God describes love in the Bible.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

For more verses of hope about God’s plan for relationships, love and sex read these Verses of Hope for Cheating in Relationships. If you are curious to learn more about the love of God, read this – Learn More About God.

Want to know more about cheating in your relationship check out our free eBook:Understanding Cheating in Relationships.

Getting Over A Broken Heart – 6 Steps To Healing

by Dawson McAllister

To Love or Not to Love?

A lot of people read my blogs, not because I’m such a great blogger, but because the topic touches right where we live. Just about everyone reaches out to be loved, but love is full of risks. To love is to be vulnerable and therefore easily hurt by the people we love themost. God designed us to love, for He is love Himself. For us to not love others causes a certain death deep inside of us. I received a comment this week from an anonymous person.

He said, “I have a better piece of advice: Don’t ever fall in love in the first place. Just don’t do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it’s never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It’s as simple as that.”

I DISAGREE with Anonymous. Being hurt is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us. Not to love is far worse.

Being hurt is not the worst thing that will happen to us. Not to love is far worse. #BrokenHeart Click To Tweet

So how do you get over a heartbreak that will most assuredly, at some point, come your way? I have come up with 15 ways to get over a broken heart. You can read the list here:

15 Ways To Get Over A Broken Heart

The list includes warnings of things to avoid and ways to move on as well as things that will help you heal. In this blog, I am expanding on steps to help you heal.

6 Steps to Healing a Broken Heart:

Take heart, you will get through this.

Having your heart broken over a relationship is going to hurt. You could lose your appetite, as well as your your desire to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It is possible that you may experience shortness of breath from crying. Your ribs may ache and your eyes may swell. It’s almost like your heart will burst. Confusion might rule your brain. You might feel as bad as you have ever felt. It seems no one can help you.

But you will get through this.These intense symptoms begin to subside a little bit at a time, just not soon enough for you. The problem is you may be letting this one event blind you so you cannot see the good things happening in your life. Like the old retro song goes, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” There is a reason there are so many songs written about a broken heart. Consider the tens of millions who have gone through what you’re experiencing. They made it and so will you. So take heart and hold on.

Talk to someone who cares.

I heard someone say once that 90% of good counseling is just talking out how you feel. It’s amazing how much better you feel when there’s someone you can talk to who totally understands what you’re going through. The person you are sharing with is like a human crutch to help you through a time of brokenness. It’s kind of like when a guy gets hurt on the football field injuring his knee. Two of his teammates get around him and help carry him off the field. That’s what happens when you have a broken heart. When someone is there, they can help strengthen you when you hurt the most.

The people who suffer the most from heartbreak are those who have no one to help them.The wisest man in the Bible, King Solomon, said, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” So find a friend or family member, someone you can trust to keep your secrets, and talk it out. You’ll be glad you did.

“Talking to someone who you know and trust will help you greatly. A pastor or just a great friend who maybe is older than you and has more experience with heartbreaks is wonderful. They tell you how they lived and moved on and help you out very much.” (Kaitlyn)

Allow yourself to be human and feel the pain.

One of the ways we know we are human and truly alive is that we feel pain. Going through a break-up can be very difficult and touch raw emotions. This proves we are human. It is extremely important to let those raw emotions out. Find a safe place where you are comfortable and if possible, let the tears flow. It is our body’s way of ridding itself of the pain and hurt. There was a hit awhile back called “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie. She’s wrong. Big girls are really healthy girls when they show emotion. Some people run from their hurts when really they should embrace them. It’s only when we feel our pain are we able to honestly deal with it and move on. If we don’t, that pain will reappear somewhere else, usually in an unhealthy way.

“No one wants to be hurt, and when we are, our first instinct is to block it out. Unfortunately, the best ways to block something like that out is through destructive behavior like substance abuse, cutting, and the like. Even worse, the release doesn’t last and you end up worse off than you were before.” (Jonathan)

Take your broken heart to God.

There are those who may think this bit of advice is needless. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here’s why.

You and I were created to love and be loved. When we get down to it, all we really want is to know there is someone who knows all about us and still loves us no matter what. Only God can love us this way. When we have that foundation of knowing we are loved no matter what, we can have the strength to face rejection from others. Only God can give us a deep sense of being loved because He always does, no matter what.

It says in the Bible, “I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” So go ahead. Tell God everything you feel about your broken heart. He is there to listen and to help heal you.

“It is very important to go to God after you’ve had a bad relationship. God is the ONLY one who will heal your broken heart.” (-Osman)

Give yourself time to heal.

If your heart has been broken, it will take time for you to completely heal. At the time of the break-up, almost everyone thinks they will never feel normal again. But God has designed us so we will heal from wounds. It’s amazing to see how our human spirit comes back again. Some people heal faster than others. Some people’s emotions go deeper than others. The deeper your emotions, the longer it will take to heal. But sooner or later you will begin to feel alive again and you will learn to accept this new feeling. Don’t fight the healing process and you will be on your way to smiling again in no time. So be patient with yourself. You will get through this.

“The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. It’s going to hurt for a while and some days will be better than others, but you will eventually get over the person you lost.” (Lindsey)

The best thing in the world for a broken heart is time. #BrokenHeart Click To Tweet

Learn lessons from the experience.

It’s not if difficult things will happen to us. It is inevitable that they will. The question is can we learn from the experience? If we don’t learn, we will keep doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same response. So during this time of hurt, you might want to ask yourself some meaningful questions about your broken relationship. For example, did your relationship include these important things from both you and your partner:

Open communication
Sensitivity to each other’s feelings
Trust
Ability to see things from each other’s perspective

Answers to these and other questions can help you be a much deeper person, better equipped for your next relationship.

“It is always easy to remember that life goes on, no one promised it would be easy, but everything happens for a reason. And if it is something that will change your life, then let it.” (Brian T.)

Also check out my other blogs –
5 Ways to Move Forward After a Broken Heart
4 Things to Avoid to Save You From Further Heartbreak

If you have the capacity to love, then you have the capacity to be hurt. For more insight on how to get over a broken heart, download TheHopeLine’s free eBook.

5 Ways You Can Move Forward After A Broken Heart

by Dawson McAllister

Hope For Your Broken Heart

Some people tell me that after their heart has been broken, they can’t eat, they can’t sleep, and their grades start dropping. It’s not an easy journey to move from a broken heart to healing, but it is possible, and it is necessary. You will need to take some hard steps of putting the hurt behind you so you can get on with the rest of your life. I hate to see you suffer, so here are a few tips for moving forward after a broken heart.

5 Ways To Move Ahead

1. Let go of mementos. If you’ve been dating someone a while, you no doubt have collected items that remind you of the one who left you behind. When you were still dating that person, these mementos meant the world to you and had a powerful impact on your emotions. But now, these same mementos only work to break your heart.

These include things like pictures, rings, pillows, music, clothes, etc. Hanging on to reminders of the relationship will get in the way of moving on. Get rid of them. This can be hard to do because there is something very final about throwing them away. You are finally admitting to yourself, “It’s over. It’s truly over.” This is an important step to take.

2. Keep yourself busy by giving to others. When you were dating, you spent hours and hours with your special someone who has broken your heart. Now you have all this time on your hands. People who get over broken hearts find ways to fill that time with something positive. For example, you might want to get to know your friends again. Hanging out with them will help remind you of the good old days before your ex. Or you can get involved in helping organizations like Big Brothers/Big Sisters or volunteer somewhere else. Filling your time with positive activities will both help distract you and help you feel good again.

3. Take care of yourself physically. It is very difficult to overcome a broken heart when you don’t feel good physically. Not feeling well only adds to your depression. When people have their hearts broken, people either tend to quit eating or begin overeating. Sometimes they try to self-medicate through drugs or alcohol. None of this works and usually makes matters far worse.

When we eat right, we have more energy, more endurance, and less mood swings. Getting good exercise actually triggers chemicals in our brain helping to lift our mood. Have a friend to encourage you to exercise and eat right. Soon you will be feeling better, even if you’re not sure why.

4. Realize it’s mostly about you, not your ex. Any event in our lives is just that an event. The issue comes down to how we interpret that event. Two people going through the same type break-up can interpret it and respond to it very differently. So in the end, it comes down to whether you are going to allow this break-up to make you stronger, or stay a victim. It’s no longer about the ex and how horrible they were or what they did. At some point it becomes mostly about you and whether or not you decide to move on.

5. Move on. Finally, that moment comes. Sometimes it creeps up on you. Other times, it’s like a light bulb goes on in your heart and you say to yourself, “It’s time for me to move on. I’m not going to die. The sun will come up tomorrow and I feel myself learning to live without the other person. In fact, I can go a whole day without thinking of him/her.” When that happens, it’s an awesome thing. There’s nothing quite like the realization you have decided to move on.
Take Back Your Life. #moveon Click To Tweet

You have weathered the storm, made steps to be strong, learned a lot of lessons, and avoided a lot of pitfalls
Go forward…there’s a big world out there waiting for you.

If you have the capacity to love, then you have the capacity to be hurt. For more insight on how to get over a broken heart, download TheHopeLine’s free eBook.

7 Sure-Fire Ways To Get Over Your Ex

We’ve all been there. It starts off with a, “Hey! We really need to talk.” Then a few minutes pass and you’re confronted with this awkward pseudo-question, “But I hope we can still be friends…?”

Ugh!

This isn’t another post about, why things didn’t work out. You’ve probably had enough of that already. No one plans on getting dumped. No one even expects it! But if you’re scrolling through Facebook broken-hearted, and trying to cope, we want you to know… we feel you. Here are 7 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Over Your Ex:

1. LET IT ALL OUT

It’s okay to cry. Some of us are afraid to let it all out because we want to believe we are still in control. Like there’s an unsaid competition to see who takes the breakup the hardest.

Listen: no one wins.

Breakups are messy inside and out.

Crying isn’t admitting defeat; it’s allowing your heart to process. Click To Tweet

Think about it this way: someone who was once a part of your life has just decided not to be. Yikes! That’s a pretty heavy blow for anyone, and that’s something that is out of our control. If I was hit by a car on Thursday, I wouldn’t be at work on Friday pretending like nothing happened. So why is it, that culturally, we are forced to get up and walk off our heartbreak?

2. BURN IT ALL

Okay, okay. We’re not telling you to commit a felony (especially if your ex went to law school). However, we have to recognize that burning is a metaphor for something deeper. It’s a way of reinforcing the fact that it’s really over. Nothing is worse than being stuck in a relationship with the ghost of your ex.

3. FIND OUT WHO YOU WERE BEFORE

Being in a relationship shouldn’t change you, right? I mean if someone really loves you they should love you for who you are; the good, the bad, and the ugly… Right? So then why do we change? Where do we go wrong?

The truth is, relationships are not about change but exchange.

When we decide to be with someone we undoubtedly invite them to influence us. That doesn’t mean they control us, but instead we allow ourselves to be re-positioned when the need arises. We all want love to flow through our relationships, however, sometimes we can become the hindrance to that goal.

So then, are you still functioning like you’re in a relationship? If so, remember who you were before you got into a relationship and simply readjust.

4. AVOID TALKING TO THEIR FRIENDS

We all get tempted to talk to our ex’s friends. Sometimes it’s because we legitimately have a lot more in common with them. Other times, it’s simply because they’re cuter. Whatever the case:

Just don’t do it!

This isn’t Nike, and Kevin Durant is not your friend…

Nothing is more tempting than talking about your ex when you’ve just broken up. Talking to your ex’s friends can easily become a way of accessing their lives when your ex has already decided not be a part of yours. It’s low! Even if you’re not trying to get information and you legitimately want to get to know an ex’s friend, give it a few weeks. Intentionally seeking out an ex’s friend after a breakup can be misinterpreted easily, and nothing can be a bigger put-off.

5. DON’T REBOUND. RETHINK.

Believe it or not, rebounding isn’t going to get rid of the pain and disappointment you may be feeling.

Instead, reconsider your relationship.

Take the good things and celebrate them. Take the bad things, reassess them, and take responsibility for your part. That doesn’t mean you have to send a massive text-apology to your ex, or you need to call them up.

Just forgive yourself! Then give yourself the freedom to move forward. Click To Tweet

6. HAVE FUN!

Take some time to not think about your breakup. Go have fun! Enjoy your friends, family, and the outdoors. Try taking a new class, going to a concert, or starting a new project. Whatever the case, give yourself permission to be happy again.

7. STOP

Stop reflecting. Stop reassessing. Stop wondering what your life would have been like if you were both still together. You deserve to be happy.

If you can’t stop thinking about your ex then talk to a close friend or mentor [Chat with a HopeCoach] about it. You are the deciding factor when it comes to the kind of man or woman you want to be, and no past relationship has the right to control your future.

Go! Take some risks, make good choices, and be free from your ex. Click To Tweet

Guest post written by: Victor Morales (Intern for Moral Revolution)

Moral Revolution promotes a culture of love, honor, and respect by imparting vision, restoring wholeness, and empowering choice!

Want more? Read more of Moral Revolution’s blogs…HOT TOPICS!

If you need help forgiving yourself or your ex, check this out:

Finding the Right Guy

by Dawson McAllister

There are a lot of broken hearts out there. People go into relationships believing if they date someone, they will be happy and eventually find the right person and live happily ever after. However, somewhere along the road to finding Mr. Right, all kinds of things go wrong.

One reason why so many girls get their hearts broken is because they date the wrong guys. I’m convinced most young women don’t have any guidelines for the kind of person they will date. So if some guy comes along and he’s hot, or shows them a little attention, they will date him. Often, they jump in without any idea as to who this guy really is. It’s like they’re rolling the dice, hoping they’ll come up lucky. Sadly, most of the time they do not. The odds are stacked against them.

I got a really cool comment from a girl named Keriann. She said,

“Before I started dating I made a list. I know it sounds corny but I made a list of the things that a guy would have to do or be to date me.”

I don’t think that’s corny at all. Every young woman should have a list of qualities they want in a guy they date. It doesn’t hurt one bit to be picky when it comes to dating guys. In fact, it’s okay not to date at all. In all of my years of working with teenagers and young adults, I have never seen or heard of someone dying because they didn’t have a boyfriend. I have heard of a lot of girls who died inside or had their hearts broken because they dated the wrong guy.

So what about finding the right guy?

What can you do? I’m going to suggest 4 questions every young woman should ask herself before going out on a date. And then I will tell you 4 important things that give a relationship a good foundation.

The 4 Questions for Finding the Right Guy:

1. If you are going to date this guy, do you know enough about him?
  Everybody has a reputation, including the person who has just asked you out. There’s an old saying that goes, ‘The street seldom lies.’ Talk to people who know him and that will help you see the real him.”(Jessica) Usually a person’s reputation at his school or where he lives is pretty close to accurate. Look at how he has been in past relationships, like has this person cheated?(Kiah)Unless he has had a radical change in his life, if he has cheated on other people, he is likely to cheat on you. Talk to your most trusted friends about him. They can also help you. They can ask his friends about who this guy really is. Your friends will almost always tell you the honest truth, even if it hurts. Remember, when you’re not willing to listen to good advice, you’re almost always walking into trouble.
2. If you are going to date this guy, are you on the same page spiritually?
  There are no deeper thoughts or values than those that come from our spiritual being. What we believe spiritually will tell us a lot about our values and how we look at our world. Without agreeing on spiritual beliefs, most relationships will crumble. Our spiritual beliefs also are a guide to what we are morally. What we are morally will affect every area of our life. That is why you should find out what his moral beliefs are.
3. If you are going to date this guy, does he treat you with tremendous respect?
  By respect, I mean the willingness to show consideration or appreciation. All of us want to be appreciated and be shown consideration. Lack of respect will destroy a relationship faster than just about anything else. Without real respect, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship.One of the ways you can find out whether or not he will show you respect is how he treats others. For example, Katie advised, [Does he] respect his mom? If a man doesn’t respect his mom, even if it’s just because she brought him into this world, then don’t be with him. Or as Elizabeth said, “The way that a man treats his mother is an almost guaranteed to tell you how he will treat you.” You could ask other questions about your potential date. How does he treat his sister? Teachers? Friends? But also, look at how he treats inferiors. Bottom line – only date a guy who treats you with respect. You will show yourself, and the world, you respect yourself.
4. If you are going to date this guy, can you trust him?
  No relationship can last without trust because trust is the foundation of all relationships. Trust is something that is earned. When somebody has the reputation of being trustworthy, he/she have earned something priceless because others can put their faith in him/her. You have no doubt heard the saying, You’re only as good as your word. Therefore, you need to ask some very tough questions about the guy you’re thinking about dating. Can you trust him to treat you with respect? Protect your safety? Not take advantage of you? Speak well of you? Tell you the truth? Be faithful to you? To be with your family? To be at a party with? To confide in? These and other questions are extremely important. I think that the most important thing for a girl to look for in a guy is honesty. Without honesty, every single other quality can’t help the relationship, because there is no trust.(Chad)

Without honesty, every single other quality can’t help the relationship, because there is no trust. Click To Tweet

4 Foundations for a Strong Relationship:

1. The best, long-lasting relationships are built on love…not lust, not popularity, not need. Love is about serving, giving, honoring, putting the other before self, wanting the very best for someone else In other words, the best relationships are between two people, both of whom are givers, not takers. When two needy people get together, there is just not enough giving and not enough sacrificial love to go around.
2. Secure people build secure relationships. The foundation for a strong relationship is when some fundamental things are settled before you get started…like already knowing that you are loved, already knowing you have tremendous worth and value, and already knowing there is a great purpose and plan for your life. If you are desperate to get those things from a boyfriend or girlfriend, then there is a high probability you are going to be hurt, disappointed, and maybe even cheated on. Those qualities (knowing you are loved, a sense of self-worth, and sense of purpose) are things you get from get from other relationships with family, with friends, and from God.
3. There is a balance in all good relationships. That is not an easy thing to get your head around, but it works something like this: The worse guys to date are those who are looking for girls who will worship them day and night. Stay away from those guys. It is almost always going to turn out badly. You want to be someone’s girlfriend, not their slave.
  The best guys are turned off by girls whose only interest is in their boyfriend. No outside interests, no passions, no dreams except for the guy she is dating. That is more than a turn-off, that is down right terrifying for a lot of guys. On the other side of the balancing scale, guys are less interested in girls who are so caught up in the own worlds, they have little time for them as a boyfriend. Figuring out how to be strong individuals who also have a strong connection with each other is what puts concrete into foundation of a relationship.
4. Don’t settle, be patient and willing to wait. Here is little paradox. Sometimes you will find the best guy / the right guy / the relationship guy when you are not looking him. And he may not be looking for you either. It is not that you don’t keep your eyes open. What I mean is that two people are focused on building their own lives and pursuing their own dreams. One day a guy like that looks around and notices a girl with her own dreams, ambitions, and pursuits. They are attracted to each other physically, but they also have a deep connection, admiration, and affection for one another. That is the kind of relationship worth waiting for.

For more insight into the opposite sex download one of our free eBooks today.

How to Find a Meaningful Relationship

by Dawson McAllister

We all want it. A deep meaningful relationship.

The problem is the prized treasure of a meaningful relationship is something that takes a lot of time and hard work on the part of both people in the relationship. And in our society of instant gratification, working patiently for something isn’t the norm. We think we can have whatever we want, when we want it. But in relationships a meaningful bond with someone simply cannot happen overnight.

You can become infatuated with someone overnight. You can have your lusting desires filled instantly. But you can’t build a deep, long-lasting relationship without investing a considerable amount of time into another person.

Here’s why…

It takes patience, commitment and a rock-solid foundation that begins as a tried and tested friendship in order to get to a place of trust, respect, and mutual love with another person. It takes putting the other person first, and letting go of your own selfish desires. This is why I encourage you to take the time to really get to know someone before you begin dating them. I promise you that discovering a meaningful relationship built on mutual respect and selfless love is worth the wait.

Many people don’t have the patience to let a relationship develop. They want to rush into things, because being in a close relationship can feel like the ultimate high. Many times people imagine a relationship to be better than it really is, just so they can feel in love,a sort of cloudy, fuzzy, state of giddiness that makes everything else in life seem small and boring in comparison.

Yet there is a danger of rushing in and adding sex to an undeveloped, uncommitted relationship. When sex is added too quickly, the natural progress of the relationship is thrown all out of whack. Sex is an act of completely giving yourself to another person and to be that vulnerable with someone before you really know them leads to anxiety and questions such as, Is this relationship only based on sex or does he/she really love me?This can cause a cloud to hang over them, one that can often ruin their relationship.

Let love, rather than selfishness, be your guide. Click To Tweet

How are you going to find a meaningful relationship? Just remember, real love involves a growing relationship, and any amount of growth takes time and attention. Not every relationship is worth the time. And if you take things slow you will discover this before you are in too deep.

My prayer is that you will find that relationship. Protect it for all its worth because it is worth it. Nurture the relationship, take care of it, and do things that will let you get to know each other. Let God be your foundation, and let love, rather than selfishness, be your guide.

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.

Starting Over From Nothing

Starting Over After The Fire

It was two weeks ago today I was at work and working in the same building I lived in when a fire started right where I was. I used two extinguishers to attempt to put it out, but it had raced up the walls and across the attic in seconds. I called my coworkers over to help me evacuate the building, which housed 24 large apartments. We went to each apartment and did a search and got all human life evacuated, and as many pets as we could find.

Unfortunately, three dogs and six cats died and the building was a complete loss in 30 minutes. The entire three story building collapsed to the ground and every tenant, including myself, lost every thing they had except the clothes on their backs. I blamed myself for everyone losing everything they had and for the death of those nine pets. I did everything I could to extinguish the fire, but was unsuccessful.

Two nights after the fire, the girl I was deeply in love with decided she was leaving to go deal with her personal problems and finish her divorce, and moved 14 hours away. She decided that she did not want to talk to me at all anymore and she said she was no good for me and will only continue to hurt me, so just like that, she was gone with no goodbye.

The past two weeks have proven to be the hardest of my life, and I have been through a lot in my 28 years, more then most have been through. After listening to the radio show a few Sunday nights prior to the fire and girl leaving, I decided this was a good place to start. I tried the online chat today and the coach was more help then anyone before, and made me realize a lot about life and God and I could not be more thankful.

Please, no matter what you are struggling with, whether it be minor or major, utilize TheHopeLine® as it will be the best place you will get help from, my promise to you.

I have been through counseling many times before, TheHopeLine® by far, truly was my best experience.
-Michael

If you have the capacity to love, then you have the capacity to be hurt. For insight on how to get over a broken heart, download TheHopeLine’s free eBook.

Heartache is Avoidable

by Dawson McAllister

Dating can be fun, but dating can end in heartache.

It’s just the way it is. Anytime you open yourself up to love, you might get hurt. It’s a risk we take and one that can be well worth the risk. However, we often open ourselves up to heartache that is avoidable. As I talked about last week, so many people fall for some major traps or lies when they enter a relationship. We talked about guarding your heart from believing you are only valuable if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, from believing you can change someone, and from believing sex isn’t a big deal. Learn the truth about those lies and then you will protect your heart.

Today let’s visit a couple more lies we tend to fall for when we start dating someone and how we can guard our hearts from potential heartache.

Again the main principle to guarding your heart is this: Fill your heart with TRUTH and cling to that truth when the world tells you lies.

Lie #1 Being in a relationship with this person will fulfill me and bring me complete happiness. So I will do whatever I need to in order to keep him/her loving me.

Truth Another person will never be able to fill the hole in your soul. Only God’s love is perfect. Only God can fill the hole. Therefore, never be so desperate to connect with another person that you are willing to lose who you are to keep them. It’s not worth it.
Heart Protection When you understand that your partner is never going to be able fill all your cravings for love, your expectations are more realistic and you will free yourself from desperately changing who you are in an attempt to keepthem. You are free to be yourself and put your identity in a God who loves you perfectly just the way you are.

Lie #2 It doesn’t matter if we have the same morals or spiritual beliefs, as long as we love each other that will be enough. We can agree to disagree.

Truth – There are no deeper thoughts or values than those that come from our spiritual being. What we believe spiritually will tell us a lot about our values and how we look at our world. Without agreeing on spiritual beliefs, most relationships will crumble.
Heart Protection If you make it a point to be sure you are on the same page about faith and values before you get too deep into your relationship, you will avoid future heartache. It is one thing to be friends with people who believe differently than you. It is another thing entirely to try to build a life with someone who does not agree with how you see the world.

The main TRUTH here is that you don’t have to settle for less than you deserve. Next up Protect your heart from this LIE: There is nothing good in my life. I hate my life. I have every right to be bitter.

Check out this video on Advice for a Dating Couple

For more insight on how to get over a broken heart, download TheHopeLine’s free eBook.

Guard Your Heart Dating Relationships

by Dawson McAllister

Have you been told, “Always guard your heart”?

Be sure to guard your heart can be good advice. But I find it a little vague. It begs the question, “what precisely am I guarding my heart from? And how would I go about protecting it?” I would like to spend some time looking into these questions further because if we can figure out how to protect our hearts, I believe we can avoid a lot of pain and problems.

So first…What do you need to guard your heart from? I believe the main thing that we are protecting our hearts from is believing lies from the world…lies about:

our value
what brings happiness
how to spend our time
what is good
what is beautiful
what’s most important
who’s most important, etc.

So then how do you guard your heart from all these lies?

Well this may sound too simple, but we need to fill our hearts with TRUTH and believe it, so that when a LIE comes our way we are ready to fight it off with the Truth.

In all my years working with teens and young adults I have combatted so many lies that have caused extreme heartache. I would like to tackle many of these lies in a blog series called Guard your heart.

So let’s start today with the first thing that comes to most people’s mind when they think of protecting their hearts…dating relationships.

Lie #1 – I am valuable only when I have a boyfriend/girlfriend who says they love me.

Truth – You are valuable because you are fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves you. Your value does not depend on another person’s opinion of you.
Heart Protection – By believing this truth, your heart is protected from feeling worthless when a relationship ends. I recently heard it said, If you live for someone’s praise, you die by their rejection.Know that your boyfriend/girlfriend didn’t define your value. God does.

Lie #2 – I can ignore my boyfriend/girlfriend’s bad behaviors. I will be able to change them.

Truth – A disrespectful person will most likely stay disrespectful, an addict will often stay an addict, a cheater will often stay a cheater until THEY decide to change. You can encourage someone to make better choices, support them and pray for them, but don’t think your love alone will change them.
Heart Protection – When you believe this truth, you won’t ignore bad behaviors and naively believe the other person will change. You will protect your heart from getting too deep into a relationship with someone who will hurt you.

Lie #3 – Having sex is no big deal. Everybody’s doing it.

Truth – Sex is a big deal. It is not just a physical act. It is deeply emotional. Rushing into sex because of raging hormones clouds your judgment of the other person and can lead to a relationship built on nothing more than lust. You are strong enough to wait.
Heart Protection – If you believe the truth that you are strong enough and worthy enough to wait to have sex until you are married, you will save your heart from feeling empty or perhaps used or cheap when the relationship ends. Read more on my blog A Condom for the Heart

Start planting these three truths in your heart today and save yourself a lot of heartache!
Next in the series – Two more lies people believe in dating relationships

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.

Relationship Issues

I was around 18 years old when I called in for some guidance. I was in a sexual relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year when we broke up. Because of a sexual relationship outside of marriage I had confused the feelings I had for true love. When we broke up I did not think I would be able to move on, I had actually thought of hurting myself, that was 22 years ago.

I used TheHopeLine to reach out to someone. I could not share what I was feeling with my youth minister at that time. I did not want people at my church to know that I was going through those type of emotions, I guess I really hid it well. I also did not want anyone to know that I had violated my own beliefs on sex outside of marriage, I was really ashamed.

TheHopeLine helped me express all my feelings and emotions. I don’t remember all the advice I received when I called in because I was very emotional. I remember feeling comfort and reassurance that God still had plans for me. I remember that I did feel better about myself after the call. Although I was still struggling with my feelings, TheHopeLine definitely helped.

It never occurred to me to ever call back and let them know that I was ok. I just happened to be surfing the web this morning and saw Dawson’s name. I am thankful for Dawson McAllister and his ministry even 22 years later. I have attended several of his conferences and have learned valuable lessons about myself and God’s plan for my life.

Thank you Dawson McAllister and TheHopeLine®!
-Kenny

For more insight into the opposite sex download one of our free eBooks today.

HopeCoach

A HopeCoach At 3:45am

I don’t know that I ever caught their name on the live chat but it was 3:45 in the morning and my husband had told me that he was leaving. I felt awful, at my very end. None of my friends were awake. But I found this online and my HopeCoach was very helpful. I needed someone to listen and they were there. They also provided me with a few resources I intend to follow up on in the morning. I’m grateful for their help.

Thank you, HopeCoach, for being there for me!

If you have the capacity to love, then you have the capacity to be hurt. For insight on how to get over a broken heart, download TheHopeLine’s free eBook.

Let’s Talk About Cheating

by Dawson McAllister

Do You Want To Talk About Cheating?

Cheating can be an emotional topic, but it is good to talk about cheating openly in order to find the truth about it even if it is hard to face. So I want to look at two hard issues connected to cheating that I have talked to countless people about over the years.

It gets Harder to Press the Reset Button

Many people who have been hurt or cheated on many times in past relationships find that they now have a hard time simply pressing the reset button and starting over. They began with some idealistic notions about romance but eventually grew very discouraged and cynical about relationships and are losing hope. Take these comments for example:

Michelle wrote: Suggestions for finding the right guy? I don’t think there are any. The right guys always seem to hurt you at some point. girls are better off waiting til they’re older and making a living for themselves. i just dont believe there is a good enough guy, anywhere.

Crystal wrote: Life is so complicated. You spend more time trying to figure out where the previous relationship went wrong that you give up hope that you are meant to be with anyone.

Dave wrote: It’s been three years now, and I still have trouble trusting women.

SW wrote: There’s no hope for us, relationships will almost always fail, and believe me, i still haven’t accepted this yet because it still scares me. I HOPE I’m not right about this.

HARD TRUTH

Just like many people who have lost a lot money on bad investments are terrified of making new investment decisions, people who have been through several bad relationships are scared to jump back in. They are both said to be snake-bit. People who have had a bad experience or two in relationships understand something that novice GFs/BFs don’t yet know… relationships are not without risk. In other words, if you are not very careful about how much of your heart and emotions to invest in a relationship, you could get really hurt. Do that enough times, and you too can get snake-bit. I’m not saying you should give up, I’m just encouraging you to take it slow. Don’t give your heart away too soon.

From Attraction…to Sex…to Boredom

It is remarkable how quickly some relationships go from the thrill of something new, to jumping in bed together, to talking about forever, to boredom, to talk about cheating, and eventually to break up.

Jeremy wrote:Why do guys cheat on their girlfriends? Boredom and things get stale. Guys see it as an excuse to look for something exciting to add that thrill back.

Briana wrote: Why do guys cheat? I think guys get bored easily. They want something new and fresh…And a new girl is new and fresh to them!

Anonymous wrote: I think guys cheat on there girlfriends because they get tired of kissing, or having sex with the same chick. Especially when they are younger guys.

HARD TRUTH

There is a thing called the Law of Diminishing Return. Put simply, every time you go a little further physically with your BF/GF what you did before gets less and less thrilling. To continue getting that same thrill, you have to go a little farther. But then after you’ve gone all the way, what else is there to do? If you want a relationship to last and not end up in boredom and cheating, don’t go too fast! You need to take time along the way to base your relationship on more than just sex. So take it slow.

Contrary to popular belief, sex doesn’t keep a BF/GF; in fact, it often condemns the relationship to failure. There is deep sense of satisfaction and contentment in old friendships. Because you go way back and have a lot of good history together, you just feel comfortable and relaxed with each other. Nothing special needs to be happening, you just enjoy hanging out together. Relationships based on the thrill of sex or making out are just the opposite.
You get bored with each other after a while, there is no place farther to go, and someone begins looking for something new to get that thrill again.

For more on what to do if you have been cheated on or if you were the cheater, check out TheHopeLine’s free eBook: Understanding Cheating.

Cheating – Why Not Just End the Relationship?

by Dawson McAllister

No Easy Answers

Sometimes from the outside looking in we can’t understand why someone doesn’t just end the relationship after cheating occurs or end it before they decide to cheat in the first place. However, there aren’t always easy answers to these questions. And sometimes the relationship is worth saving, but how and why?

So let’s take a look at these questions.

Why not end the relationship before you decide to cheat?

They Cheat Because They Are Too Afraid to End It

A lot of people (guys and girls) commented that guys don’t end relationships before moving on because either they don’t know how to tell their girlfriend it’s over, or they simply wimp out and avoid all uncomfortable conversations. Some even cheat as a means of breaking up.

Melzers wrote: I think guys cheat … because they want to end their current relationship…

Dustin wrote:…He (looks for) a way to make her leave him, so He finds someone else who fits those needs and finds a way to let her find out.

Dante wrote: There are guys who cheat because they know its over but they’re not willing to end it…In the meantime he goes out and cheats till he gets caught.

sw2 wrote: I think i just realized why men cheat, well one reason at least, its because it’s so hard walking away, and letting go, hurting someone.…When i read it, i knew that i had to take that step with the guy I’m dating, let him know it’s not personal, but im ready to move on. Im not a cheater, but i’ve never been so unhappy with someone before and it’s hard to walk away, so i’ve been miserable lately, and now i know how to leave, thank you.

HARD TRUTH

Nobody changes the oil in a car they have already decided to trade in. Get the point?

If someone has already decided to move on, preserving and maintaining the current relationship is not a high priority. So rather than having a conversation to end the relationship, which may be uncomfortable, they just move on and break hearts in the process.

Sometimes they may have been sending signals for a while that they are not committed to the relationship any longer, but the person they are dating is not recognizing the signs or is choosing to ignore them. If you are seeing signs they are not committed, don’t hang on until they cheat.

So why not leave the minute you’ve been cheated on?

Scared to be Alone

Unfortunately, I get lots of comments from people who were clearly in toxic relationships. They know it, and probably everyone around them knows it too. They have been used and hurt and almost certainly will be used and hurt some more. But they cannot bring themselves to leave. The people who hang on despite it all likely have a love addiction.

A love addiction is a lot like other addictions in that a person obsessively and compulsively tries to relieve or medicate the deep pain in their life with feeling loved. If someone is a love addict, they think they cannot live without the other person no matter how toxic, and you will do just about anything to keep the relationship alive.

Cristy wrote:i’m 15. i was recently cheated on and don’t know what to do…he begs for me back and i was about to when i saw him again… he knew this. yet he got back with his other ex, slept with her then they broke up and he still wanted me back.. i just don’t know what to do and i feel so lost.. i think i am done but i love him…

Gina wrote:(The) question would be why people stay with someone who cheats over and over again.

HARD TRUTH

The more you love someone, the more power you give them to hurt you. So, no love, then no hurt. But that’s not the best solution. A good guideline is to measure out your emotions according to your age, how much you really know about a person, and your true prospects for a life-time together. Guys or girls who get into relationships and quickly put the gas pedal to the floor emotionally are going to have so many wrecks, their love life might be permanently damaged because trust is hard to come by.

So when and how should you save the relationship?

The Cheater Needs to be Genuinely Sorry

Derek: I cheated on my girlfriend, but want to move past it with her. She doesn’t think she can. What can I do?

The brokenness in your relationship can only be healed by your seeking forgiveness for what you’ve done.

Unfortunately, Derek has dug a deep hole for his relationship, and it’s going to take a lot of work to dig out of it. He has shown his girlfriend (and himself) that he is an untrustworthy person. And now he’s wondering if it’s possible to ever rebuild trust with her. I believe it is, if he truly loves her and is truly sorry for what he did.

Most guys just say to themselves, I did it. I told her I was sorry. So let’s move on. But it doesn’t work that way. The person who’s been cheated on needs a much longer time to heal. If you really want to work it out, don’t lose patience and walk away from their relationship just about the time they are starting to heal.

So in Derek’s situation what might his girlfriend be feeling? She might be feeling he is not really sorry for what he did. She also might want to make sure he pays the price for his actions and punishes him breaking up with him.

HARD TRUTH

The brokenness in any relationship can only be healed by the cheater seeking forgiveness for what they’ve done. So, how do you do this?

First of all, you need to admit to yourself that you have hurt another person. This means taking full responsibility for your actions, and not just thinking your BF/GF is blowing things out of proportion.
Talk to God about this, and ask Him to forgive you for what you’ve done, and ask for courage to say what you need to say to and do for your BF/GF.
Ask for your BF/GF’s forgiveness. You need to clearly explain what you’re sorry for, without making any excuses.
Let you BF/GF respond to you without getting defensive about what they say. Again, remember they will need time to sort out their feelings.

After this, the best thing you can do is to show yourself as completely trustworthy, avoiding opportunities to slip back into your wrongful, untrustworthy behavior. But, you did the right thing by seeking forgiveness, and your new attitude and actions will be the best way to prove you are truly sorry for what happened. Just remember, this is going to take a while.

How to Love Well

If you want to really love someone well, the Bible has one of the best definitions of love ever. “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” This kind of love may never be fully achieved by people on earth who make mistakes, but it is a good standard to work toward. And the really beautiful thing is that this definition describes God’s incredible love for us…even when we mess up.

For more verses on love, unfaithfulness and marriage check out these Verses of Hope for Relationships and Cheating

For more on what to do if you have been cheated on or if you were the cheater, check out TheHopeLine’s free eBook: Understanding Cheating.

Moving On From A Cheating Boyfriend – 6 Things NOT To Do

by Dawson McAllister

Reactions to Cheating

Have you been cheated on? How did you react? Was it an emotional rollercoaster rotating between rage, disbelief, and grief? I imagine at one point or another all of these thoughts crossed your mind:

“How didn’t I know? How could I be so dumb?”

“I hate them.”

“I need to make that no-good cheater pay, and I have several ideas about how to do that.”

“Am I really that worthless that he/she would hurt me like that?”

“I need to find a guy/girl who appreciates me, right now! I deserve better. And I need to make them jealous.”

“I miss him/her so much. How am I going to live without them?”

It is always painful when relationships come apart. But when cheating is involved it is usually far more painful for one person than the other, and cheating makes a painful situation so much worse. It leaves a person feeling completely disrespected. The ability to trust can be lost. It is rejection on whole different level.

So, what do you if you’ve been cheated on? How do you get past the pain and get on to the next part of your life?

Why Did Your Guy Cheat on You?

Let’s start out with a few things you SHOULD NOT do.

Six Things Not To Do When You’ve Been Cheated On

1. Don’t waste time trying to get even

One of the ways girls get back at their cheating ex is to spread rumors that are not true. It might make you feel better for a little while, but in the end you just make yourself look even more devalued. It may not seem that way to you, but it sure looks that way to everyone else. Don’t lower yourself by retaliating, but say to yourself, ” I’m too good for that.”

Some people try to retaliate by doing something to hurt themselves. That doesn’t make much sense, but it still happens. Girls have been known to date guys they do not like at all in order to get back at the guy they love.

2. Don’t rebound in the same direction.

Cory wrote: Take your time moving on. Also, don’t just jump into a relationship the minute you’re single. Moving on takes time and drowning your sadness out by forcing yourself into a relationship might not be the best idea… Stay positive. Even try staying single for a few months to figure out what you want, who you don’t want, and keep an open mind about relationships and people.

Take your time moving on. Also, don't just jump into a relationship the minute you're single. Click To Tweet

No matter how you try to cover it up, people who are cheated on almost always feel they have been disrespected, devalued, or cheapened in other people’s eyes. It is a lot like that sickening feeling you get when someone makes some terribly nasty comment about you. Feeling a big hole inside that is screaming to be filled, the temptation is to quickly fill that void with another boyfriend. However, finding another boyfriend ASAP (as soon as possible) may not be the best way to find a guy AGAP (as good as possible). You might wind up in another cheating relationship.

Dawn wrote: If you want to move on to the next boyfriend and you don’t want the same type of guy…#1 don’t do or look in the same place u met the 1st BF. I believe deeply that before another relationship is established you must 1st be mentally, emotionally and spiritually ready because a new boyfriend no matter how great can’t make u achieve that level of completeness necessary to handle the challenges of a relationship!

3. Don’t bear other people’s guilt.

When people cheat, it is their decision and their responsibility. However, the ones cheated upon are often left wondering what they did wrong. When parents separate, it is the children who often wind up feeling guilty. Certainly, one person can be responsible in part for someone leaving a relationship, but in cheating, the cheater is totally responsible for his or her actions. We really never get away with anything. Ultimately, we will all answer to God for everything we do, say, and think.

4. Don’t let a bad wound fester.

Kaitlyn wrote: Well, never rush into a relationship cuz then so many things go bad and wrong and someone ends up hurt. and as for a healthy way to move on, just trying to forget the guy and either relax and enjoy being single or start lookin for a new guy.

Being cheated on cuts very deep. Though it may not seem so now, wounds do eventually heal. If, however, they are allowed to get infected, the infection can cause more long-term damage than then initial cut. Bitterness is the infection that causes a short-term wound to become a long-term affliction. By nursing and reviewing over and over the terrible actions of your ex-boyfriend and how terribly you were hurt, the wound festers. Eventually, that event becomes so rooted in your thinking that it shapes the way you view every other dating relationship. So in a way, you take the infection from that cheating ex with you into every future relationship until you forgive and let it go.

5. Don’t Engage in Missionary Dating.

Why do some girls continue to attract and date known cheaters? You would think that they would learn from their previous mistakes. Many times that happens because these girls have the secret desire to tame the wild man. They think they can make him a better guy. If you want danger and excitement, if you don’t care about long-term committed relationships, and being cheated on doesn’t bother you forge ahead. But if you are looking for love with known cheaters, then you’re looking in the wrong places.

6. Don’t Think You Are the Exception.

Dawn wrote: If you want to move on to the next boyfriend and you don’t want the same type of guy…don’t look in the same place u met the 1st BF.

The most likely guy to cheat is the one who has done it before. So you would think girls would avoid previous cheaters like a plague. But that is far from what happens. There is always another girl willing to give them a chance.

Now there are things that can happen which will change a guy at his very core, things so dramatic that his bent to cheating and his weakness for temptation are turned into rock solid faithfulness. But rarely will that kind of change come simply from a relationship with the next girl, not even you. Taming the cheater makes a girl feel better than the girl or girls who couldn’t. The most common reason that girls get involved with known cheaters is that they think that they will be the exception. Don’t get too carried away with flattering words about how much better you are than his last girlfriend that he cheated on.

THOSE ARE A FEW THINGS that you should not do. Have you been cheated on by someone? If so, how did you handle it and what are some ways you got through it?

For more help with moving on from a cheating relationship, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Cheating.

Why Did Your Guy Cheat on You?

by Dawson McAllister

The subject of cheating can be very personal and you are likely looking for personal answers. Why did this happen to you? Why did your guy cheat on you?

Did Your Guy Cheat? Why?

When employees leave a company, the common practice is to conduct an exit interview. That is where the Director of Human Resources (HR) meets with the departing employee and questions about them why they are leaving. They talk about their job description, their working environment, and what they really think about their boss. They also want to know what the company could have done better to keep them. The HR director might even try to persuade them to stay or to come back if things don’t work out with the new job. The objective for the company is to help them do a better job of recruiting and retaining good employees. If, however, an employee is caught stealing (or cheating), security guards usually escorts them out of the building and the exit interview never happens.

Most dating relationships do not end with constructive exit interviews, especially if it ends by one person cheating on the other. If you did have that kind of meeting, your objective would be the same…to learn how to find and keep a better boyfriend (BF). So here is a little mental exercise an imaginary exit interview with you, your ex-boyfriend, and the human resource director in charge of finding your next BF.

Exit Interview Questions to Ask Yourself

1. Describe how and why your relationship began with this cheating ex-boyfriend. What attracted you most to one another?

2. Were you or was he rebounding from another relationship? How and why did those relationships end?

3. What were you initially looking for in the relationship with the BF who cheated on you? Love, companionship, sex, marriage, popularity, interesting conversations, getting back at your previous ex-boyfriend, getting out of the house, getting back at your parents/guardians, something to do on the weekends?

4. What do you think your ex-boyfriend was looking for?

5. Were there outside pressures weighing on you before and during the relationship? Peer pressure to have a boyfriend, pressure from friends, feeling left out of a your group, etc.

6. How deeply did the relationship go beyond physical attraction?

If you answer the imaginary exit interview questions in all honesty then you probably already know why the relationship didn’t last. Being completely honest and straightforward (even with ourselves) is not as easy or as common as you might think.

Take An Honest Evaluation Of Yourself

People spend as much or more time lying to themselves about their true intentions as they do lying to others. Have you ever listened to someone rant and rave about a person or a situation. And the more you listened, the more you realized that they were completely out of touch with what really happened. They were so wound up about being hurt, disappointed, or embarrassed that they just could not take an honest look at themselves.

Jen wrote:You know, this is one of those things that is quite difficult to answer, as to be honest, whoever knows why people do the things they do. There are many different opinions on why men and women cheat. To me, there are just way too many reasons as to know what the real “why” is or may be. As for me, I often still find myself wondering what the answers are. I’ll admit, relationships confuse me to this very day! Every relationship I have been in, something bad has always happened… In the end, relationships are hard, and cheating occurs for answers I wish I knew. I have yet to figure this out. And I have yet to figure “me” out. Maybe that’s the answer? I don’t know.

Other people (perhaps, like Jen) seem to be quite sincere, but just have not been able to dig down deep enough to pull out the answers. Being able to look at yourself with no-holding-back honesty is a pretty important part of learning from what has happened to you.

More Thoughts On Cheating

Cristy wrote: I‘m 15. i was recently cheated on and don’t know what to do…he begs for me back and i was about to when i saw him again… he knew this. yet he got back with his other ex, ****** her, then they broke up and he still wanted me back.. i just don’t know what to do and i feel so lost.. i really trusted him and he doesn’t understand.. i think i am done but i love him…

badboyloveshugs wrote:(Why do guys cheat on their girlfriends? It is because) he is allowed to do so by girlfriends who keep taking him back.

Just because you were cheated on and just because it hurt really bad, doesn’t necessarily mean you are going to learn anything from that experience. How do I know that? Because girls who have been cheated on often go back their cheating BFs, or they find a new BF who does the very same thing.

The questions above help you take a long hard look inside. That kind of honest look at yourself is going to make you a wiser, deeper person, and one who is going to attract some great guys.

For more on what to do if you have been cheated on or if you were the cheater, check out TheHopeLine’s free eBook: Understanding Cheating.

Why do Guys Cheat on Their Girlfriends? 5 Real Reasons

by Dawson McAllister

Cheating. This is not an “every-guy thing,” you know. Lots of boyfriends are honest, they keep to their promises, and they do. not. cheat. When it is time for a dating relationship to end, they end it and move on. In other words, they don’t start something with another girl while they are still in a dating relationship.

Some of you girls are already thinking On what planet do those guys live? I’ve never known a guy like that. If that is the case, maybe you need to start hanging around with a different group of guys.

If you have a history of dating cheaters or know way too many girls who have, then you might need to rethink how you pick your boyfriends. We’ll get to that later.

And, yes, I know girlfriends can cheat too, but today we are going talk about boyfriends.

Reasons Guys Cheat

There is lots of advice floating around in books, blogs, and every-day conversations about why guys cheat. But if you haven’t figured this out yet, you will eventually discover that many reasons are really not that complex.

The male approach to dating lies somewhere between that of a caveman and a mechanical engineer, often more like the caveman. So, I have simplified the WHY of cheating by whittling it down to five things. This is not intended to be a complete list, mind you. But understanding these few simple things about guys could help you a lot.

Boyfriends Cheat because they want out of the relationship

Dustin wrote: I think the 2 main reasons why guys cheat goes like this: 1) Guys get stuck with a clingy girl. He figures maybe she’ll change over the course of a few months. He really likes the girl for a lot of her character traits but notices that she’s not going to let him go.

Miss Insecurity is dating Mr. Self-Confident, and with that relationship, she is trying desperately to plug some pretty big holes in her own self-esteem. She becomes obsessed with her boyfriend. You know how that usually turns out…clinginess, jealousy, anger, tears.

But Miss Insecurity doesn’t want to press Mr. Self-Confident too hard about his commitment. She would prefer to assume (or in some cases, dream) he is as committed to her as she is to him. But Mr. Self-Confident isn’t committed at all and is in fact, trying to figure a way out.

One reason guys cheat is that they want out of the relationship, but aren’t man enough to just break up, so they cheat in order to have an excuse to get out.

(BTW, guys have to deal with insecurity just as much as girls.)

Dustin continued: 2) Guys just want sex from a girl. Girl isn’t willing to give them sex just yet, so they stick around. They wait for a while, giving promises of everlasting love til they finally get what they want. Then they stick around a little longer and say Hey!…so I’ve met this other girl (who I’ve had sex with without you knowing) and I just don’t see things working out between us…so Yeah.

Boyfriends Cheat because their Relationship Goals are Different

Then there are guys who are very willing to talk about the relationship. They make lots of promises, using words like, “I love you,” “you’re so beautiful,” and “spend our lives together.”
The girlfriend might be saying the same words, but there is a difference. Some girls give a lot and put up with a lot in order to get what they want most…the relationship. And most often in the end they end up with a broken heart.

On the other hand, some guys (including the ones more likely to cheat) come at it from the other direction. They get excited about the relationship too, but only because the relationship is the way to get what they want…usually sex.

It’s pretty simple.. she wants a relationship, so much so, that she is willing to offer sex to get it. He wants sex, even if he has to give some relationship to get it. But cheating violates the relationship, not the sex. To put it bluntly…guys cheat because the relationship was never their goal…it was the sex.

Boyfriends Cheat because they aren’t strong enough to resist the temptation

Boyfriends who cheat don’t always do it with a plan in mind. Remember, guys are not that complex. You probably know about some girls who stalk guys like sexual predators- they try in every way they can to get them to cheat. Unfortunately, some guys just don’t have what it takes to refuse.

Boyfriends cheat because of the influences around them

Check this out…when it comes to being faithful to wives and girlfriends, one of the most important factors is a guy’s parents. Generally
speaking, guys who grow up in homes where their parents cheat, find it much easier to do the same thing.

Counselor Gary Neuman asked 200 cheating and non-cheating husbands about why they cheated. He found that 77% of cheating men have a good friend who also cheated. Some guys give in easily to the temptation to cheat because that is what their friends and family do. You should not judge a guy by what those around him do, but don’t underestimate the power of influence.

Guys give in easily to the temptation to cheat because that's what their friends do. Click To Tweet

Boyfriends cheat because they got away with it before

Do you remember Tiger Woods? He was married to one of hottest women on the planet, but he was a big-time cheater with lots of women. (BTW, only 12% of cheating husbands in the Neuman study said that the women they cheated with were more physically attractive than their wives.)

The guy cheated once, then twice, then three times. It became easier and easier to give in, harder and harder to say no. If you are dating a guy who cheated before, there is a good chance he will cheat on you too, even if from the beginning he never planned it that way. If he has cheated more than once, it is even more likely that it will happen again.

Bears Repeating – This is Not ALL Men

These five reason don’t paint a very favorable picture of guys…so let me reiterate, this is NOT all men. And while it might be hard for a cheater to change his ways, it’s not impossible. I believe sometimes people are truly ashamed of a choice they made and would like to undo the past. My point in this blog is to point out things to look for and consider if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who cheats.

How to Break Up

by Dawson McAllister

One of the most painful experiences in life is the ending of a meaningful relationship, especially where there has been a romance. People who call my radio shows always tell me stories about really heart-breaking endings to their relationships. Wouldn’t it be amazing if somebody were to say, “My bf/gf treated me so well when we were breaking up, I couldn’t help but respect him/her!”

But unfortunately, the end of a dating relationship is often full of deception, dishonesty, and disrespect. But it doesn’t have to be this way. When you are breaking up with someone, for whatever reason, the best approach is to treat the other person the same way you would want to be treated.

Still, one thing is for sure. No matter how hard you try to be kind, the fact that you want to break up is going to hurt the other person. This is not something to do over the phone, via text messaging, social media, or email. Consider the time and location. Be courageous and respectful and have your conversation in person and in private.

Before you do anything, make sure you really do want to break up. If you’re just angry at your bf/gf, you may want to talk about why you’re upset, rather than just ending the relationship. Sometimes it feels easier to run from the relationship, when there may be a great lesson to learn from a challenging situation.

Be prepared for the other person to ask why you’re breaking up with him/her. You might want to write down some of your thoughts beforehand. If you’re breaking up because of difficulties you’ve had with the relationship in the past, it’ll be easier if you’ve already talked through them, and given the other person an opportunity to respond.

15 Dos and Don’ts When Breaking Up

Don’t have a friend break up for you.
Don’t ignore your ex and expect that person to understand.
Never text a good-bye.
Don’t announce it on social media.
Don’t make your reasons complicated.
Be direct, but kind.
Don’t say something mean about the other person.
Don’t say, “Let’s just be friends.” (you may be friends again, but it takes time for the relationship to heal).
Answer their questions as honestly and kindly as possible.
Don’t say, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Understand that the other person is going to be very hurt, confused and possibly angry.
Don’t go blabbing to other people about the break-up. Save your experience for a few trusted friends.
Don’t break up unless you know for sure it’s final. The breaking up and then getting back together again cycle breeds mistrust.
Wait some time before you start dating someone else, especially if you see your former bf/gf often. Consider Brittini’s story: After the last relationship when I broke up with my boyfriend, the week later he was asking my friend if she would go out with him! That made me so mad that the next time I saw him I just wanted to hurt him and her.
Don’t try to talk your bf/gf out of their decision. Blue Grace’s advice is valuable: My beau of just over 4 yrs. broke up with me last Valentine’s Day in what he later called “a defensive, reactive” moment – completely unexpected by either of us. I tried to talk him out of it for over an hour to no avail. Ladies, please DON’T do this. If he’s gonna break up with you, let him. If he’s wrong, truly loves you, and is a real man, he will come back for you. Do not chase him. It only leads to a more shattered heart.

Breaking Up Is Hard…Be honest and sensitive.

Breaking up is hard. There’s no getting around that. Just listen to Kate, who said: I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months last week. I know 6 months isn’t that long, but I would drive 74 miles (one way) to see him, sometimes several times a week. He never came to see me. He also told me that he didn’t love me and he never would. Instead of breaking it off and trying to heal myself like a normal person, I would do just about anything to keep the relationship going. I can’t live without him and my heart is genuinely broken. I know God is the only one who can fill the hole in my heart.

If you use honesty, compassion and sensitivity, you’ll both be better off in the end. Treat him or her with the same respect you’d like someone to treat your future husband/wife. If you’re struggling to get through a difficult break up, you might want to read my blog about Getting Over A Broken Heart for some additional thoughts.

Do you have any tips on how to break up with someone in a healthy and respectful way? Please comment with your ideas in the discussion.

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.