Dating: Waiting for the Right Guy - EP 63

Hannah wants to live for God. She’s 24 years old and wants to wait to have sex until she’s married. She’s had guys ask her out, but they’re not the guys she’s looking for. She’s feeling discouraged about waiting for the right guy, but she also doesn’t want to have her heart broken over and over again.

How to Wait for the Right Person

Discouraged with

If you’ve been waiting for the right guy…

If you’ve been discouraged about the whole dating scene

If you’re a Christian and want a romantic relationship, but want it centered on Christ…

Then this podcast episode is for you.

Our guest today is Hannah. She has specific things she wants in a guy. She wants him to love God and be serving God with his whole heart. Is that too much to ask? Is she missing out because she’s not dating guys who have asked her out? Stay tuned to find out.

Dawson: What about it, Hannah? What's going on with you?

Hannah: Well, I'm a Christian and I do have morals. I want to live for God in the way he wants me to

Dawson: What kind of morals do you have?

Hannah: Well, like, waiting for marriage and I want to find a good Christian guy, who's honorable and humble and loves God.

Dawson: A godly man for a godly woman.

Hannah: Yes

Dawson: And you're not, well, you're not willing to give up on that either. Are you?

Hannah: No, no, no, no. I think since I've made it this long, I think I can still push through, but I've just been feeling discouraged.

Dawson: Why are you discouraged?

Hannah: Well, I've had some guys who've asked me out, but they're not the type of guy that I'm looking for. I've had good men ask me out, but they're not Christian or they have tattoos or they're kind of crazy. So, I've just kind of said no, I'm used to saying no. So, I was just calling for some advice.

Dawson: How can I put this? I'll just put it out there. Dating is overrated. Studies show that you have to go through nine people before you find the 10th one, which is the one. I've read that. Think of all the heartache and confusion and the whole trajectory of your life could be changed if you date the wrong person.

What you're doing too is you're, you're protecting your marriage. So, when you do get married and have that wonderful first night. You're only getting in bed with one guy in your mind, not 50. You're not bringing your past with you is what I'm trying to get at.

Let me read you some scripture here. By the way, I think you're fine. I'm proud of you.

Hannah: Well, you're the only one, besides my parents.

Dawson: What are people saying to you? What do your friends say? You're crazy or what?

Hannah: Yeah, well they hint at it, like, your kind of weird. I've dated 5, 6, and 7 guys by your age or more. I just don't want to waste my time with the wrong guy. I want to spend my time with the right guy. It just seems that I'm not coming into contact with very many godly men. They're not the type of guy I'm looking for. And so I don't really know what to do.

Dawson: You know what you do? You actively seek the Lord. Let him bring the guy into your life. Because if you get in there and try, you'll just make a mess of things and little by little sell-out. I'm going to read you this scripture. And then I've got an idea.

Hebrews 10: 35-37 “Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great rewards.”

So, you're starting to feel underconfident about your position and I want you to be more com confident than ever.

“Where you have need of endurance so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise for yet a little while, and he who is coming will come and will not tarry.”

Gods got a boatload of blessings for you, but no wine before it's time. I’m going to ask my friends who are listening tonight to call in to encourage you to hold on. Would you like that?

Hannah: Yes, sir, that would be very nice, because I don't have much encouragement.

Dawson: Well, if all goes well and my friends do what they always do, they're going to call in and they're going to encourage you about this. I want to encourage you about this. Just think if you hold out, it can affect your marriage when you're 45.

Peer to Peer Advice For Hannah:

I'm proud of Hannah. There are so many people looking for a guy rather than looking for a God, looking for a woman, rather than looking for what the Holy Spirit can. Do you see what I'm saying?  Would you call in to encourage her?

It’s the Right Thing to Wait - Laura

Keep following her heart, her Holy Spirit-led heart. It's the right thing to wait, to keep praying for the spouse that God has for her. Because in that she'll be rewarded and encouraged and find a godly spouse that has the same kind of passions that she does.

My husband and I have been married for almost 18 years. We were high school sweethearts, who met at church. I had thought about dating before, but never really did because I wasn't interested in having my heart broken over and over; so that eventually my husband would wind up with some sort of damage. I wanted to be as healthy and God-honoring for him as I possibly could.

And now it's really neat to get to see how healthy and happy and strong our marriage is because of our obedience. Right now, we're even getting a chance to foster a baby, which is huge for us, for God and our lives, to use us together for his glory and his purposes.

Dawson: What'd you think about that, Hannah?

Hannah: That was very encouraging. Yes, I feel the same way, I don't want to have to keep breaking my heart over and over again, because I do get attached to people very easily. So, I really don't want to do that, unnecessarily.

Dawson: Well, what does scripture say? “Guard your heart. For out of it comes the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23) A lot of times we just dive in there looking for that one that'll love us, wall-to-wall love, living in la la land. And all we do is get hurt and take the hurt into our marriage. Now, if people have done that, taking the hurt into the marriage, that doesn't mean God can't heal it, but why do it if God didn't want you to?

The Best Thing You Can Do Is Wait – Dana

I have experience in not waiting. I'm unequally yoked. And I tell you, honey, the best thing that you can do is to wait, be patient. The Lord will reward you, just like Laura said. You will be so rewarded. It's hard to be unequally yoked. I was saved late in life and my husband isn't and it's hard. So, keep praying, find that man, that godly man. You'll be rewarded.

My First Marriage Was My Choice, My Second Was God’s - Christy

Well, miss Hannah, I have tried it both ways. I am in my second marriage. My first marriage was my choice, and my second marriage was God's choice, and we have seven beautiful children. I encourage each one of them to seek God first and let him send you who you're supposed to be with, because he will in his time.

Once I stepped back and learned that and started seeking him and the holy spirit. He put him right in front of me and we've been together almost 12 years now, married. And like I said, we have seven beautiful children, and three grandchildren. I understand you have friends and everything, but sometimes you just don't need to listen to them. You need to listen to your one true friend and that's our heavenly father. That's true. So, you just keep going the way you're going and stay strong.

Dawson: Hey Hannah, did you like that line? The first one was my idea, and the second one was God's.

Hannah: Yes

Dawson: And we don't have to listen to our friends if our friends, in fact, violate scripture. 

Hannah: Right. Yes. I have to say, my friends are really. They're not like me. They're all kind of living the way of the world. They’re not close friends, but they’re the people that I talk to. I find that I can't really have any close friends because nobody really like me. A lot of the kids in my generation, they're kind of letting me down.

Dawson: Well, you wouldn't have been the first one to have walked alone. Another saying I remember is, “Don't take counsel on how to win from losers.” You see somebody… and again we want to be gracious, we've all made mistakes, plenty of them… but they're just spouting out things that aren't of God.

Hannah: I've seen a lot of people pretend, or they like to believe that they're Christian and they go out and smoke pot or get in with the wrong crowds. And they think that they're living right.

Dawson: By their fruits, Jesus said, you will know them. He also said many in that day will say, “Lord, Lord, didn't I do great works for you? And I will say, “Go away. I never knew you.” Everybody talking about heaven ain't going to heaven.

God’s Got a Plan for You - Scott

The holy Spirit's just been working in my life lately and I'm a 54-year-old married, happily married with a godly woman. I'm out in front of dart wars, and my son is in there. He's nine and he's playing darts and I'm sitting in the car and, I heard your story. I didn't start until late in life. So, I got a lot of experience, in not living the right way, but God changed that in me.

My dad didn't live right till he was 50. When he did and God took his heart, he used to say to me, “Scott, God saves the very best for those who let him make the choice.” I'm listening to this program and I'm listening to the people speak and I'm watching the holy spirit move. And I just know that God's got a plan for you. You can find those people if you seek. Get around people in a church or a youth group and there are other girls that are needing somebody to walk with them. We do this together. We don't do it alone. God's going to place somebody in your heart. And he's going to place somebody in your life at the right time. He's preparing you for them and he's preparing them for you, but for you to call in takes a lot of courage.

Dawson: Hannah, you need to start looking at yourself as God's woman, a real shero in the faith.

Hannah: OK.

Dawson: The men come, and the men go, and they're overrated by the way, and God stands. There’s no man that can meet the needs that only God can meet. Men are nice and all that spice, but they're also messed up. We all are, right?

Hannah: Yes

Dawson: We were born into messed-upness. That's not a word, but it sounded good.

Write Your Requirements in a Letter to God - Oneida

My advice for Hannah would be to truly just love yourself and know that you're a precious jewel who God loves with all his heart. I kind of went through the same thing as you did. At 20 years old, I was pretty much ready, I wanted to be married young too, and I found someone. But you know what I did though? The thing that really truly helped me… because I was also lost… I found a way to get closer to God. I wrote a letter to him, simply telling him my needs and that I was really pretty much ready to meet the guy of my dreams.

So, what I did, was I wrote everything in there that I felt was important to me. And what I said was, God, I know that this is what I want, but I want you to give me what you want in my life. And so, months later I met the love of my life. Before that I kept control of that letter, every time someone would approach me to go on a date or something, if it didn't meet my requirements in that letter that I wrote to God, I would always decline it, simply because it was my commitment to God.

Dawson: That must have been some letter.

Oneida: Yes, it was really challenging because when you find yourself doing these things, it's like some guys just come all over the place, you know?

Dawson: Right, you were tested.

Oneida: Yeah. So, I'm like, so who do I go now with? I can't just choose anybody. So, then I just stuck with my letter and then I also put a ring on my finger and I said to myself, I'm married to God. So, this ring that I'm wearing right now, my prince charming will be replacing this ring whenever he comes.

Hannah: I actually wear one of those rings too.

Oneida: So, I wore it, and when my actual love now, my husband, asked me about it. He said, “Why are you wearing a, a ring?” I said, “Because I've been waiting for you to replace it. You are the one God sent for me and stuff, and you just simply need every requirement.”

 When we first got to know each other, he told me everything too, that he wanted in a woman, and we simply were a match. And for me, it's just simply truly what I follow - just to write a letter to God, value yourself, surround yourself with great people that would simply encourage you, and tell you, no, that is not the guy for you or something like that. You need to know to just stick with it. It's really hard. It's really challenging. We always have people telling us, “Oh, you know, the guy will come.” But it's really hard to know when that time will come.

Dawson: Well, God's not playing hide-and-go-seek on stuff like that. He doesn't stutter… when he's in the middle of it, you'll know.

Stay the Course, God Has Someone Special for You - Hillary

Hi. Yes. Hi. I just heard what the girl was just saying, and I have to totally agree with that, honestly. I went through a really hard relationship about a year and a half ago. And after that I was like, “OK, God, I'm done. Like, I'm done trying to do this on my own.” And I started journaling a lot and just crying out to God in my journal. I still do that to this day.

So, my encouragement to you would be like journaling and also what the other lady said, surrounding yourself with people who aren't going to tear you down, because God placed that in your heart. I really admire that in you that you want to stay pure, and you want to find the man for you and not go through all the heartbreak and pain and soul ties and things that you can get from other people. So, I guess I just wanted to say, to stay the course and that God has somebody really special for you because I'm holding onto that too.

We Need to Be a Complete Person When We Enter a Relationship - Princess

Hi Hannah. I just wanted to encourage you because as I was listening to you, there was such a sweetness that resonates through your voice. I know that God sees you because he sees your heart. And I think a lot of times we get so consumed with the way that the world frames relationships and where we should be and who we should date and how many people we should date and all of that, that we kind of forget that there's a place in our hearts, that even if you do marry and God brings the most amazing man that's just for you, that he still won't be able to fill up the space that belongs to God.

I remember when I learned that we have to be complete people when we enter into those types of relationships or into a marriage. I used to always hear you bring your 50 and the other person brings your 50, but you need to be a complete person, meaning you need to have your own identity. You need to know who you are, exactly what you like and who you are in Jesus. So that helps you bring a full plate to the table so that you guys can go out and live for the glory of God.

I get it. I am maybe what people would call an older woman that's not married. I'm not old. I'm 34 years old, but what I have found is that once I started to come out of my head and begin to learn who I am in God, then I realized that I wasn't living life. I was so focused on things that may not matter as much. And so that doesn't mean that relationships and marriage are not important, but it does mean that sometimes we can get clouded with things that kind of push us away from God.

So, be encouraged… love, love, love, find out what love is. And sometimes even if you have to dig deep and say, God, I want to believe you, or I want to hold onto this and I want to want you more than I want a guy or a relationship, but I can't do it on my own. So, I'm willing to be willing and watch God show up in your life.

It’s OK to Have Standards and Wait on the Right Guy

There’s a lot of pressure in our society to date and be in a relationship. Why do we put this pressure on ourselves and each other? It’s ok to be single. It’s ok to have standards and hold to those standards. It’s ok to wait on the right person. It’s more than ok to put God first, it’s what we are called to do.

I really resonated with what Princess said. She said it so well. We need to be complete people who know who we are in Christ first, before starting a relationship. And I love what she said… even when you have a good Godly man, he will not completely fulfill you, only Christ can do that.

When we are followers of Christ, we must die to our old selves. We now live for Christ. That’s a beautiful place to be, because you know what… God wants the absolute best for you and your life. He’s got a great plan and will unveil it in his time. He asks us to be patient and wait on him. That’s so hard to do but is so worth it.

Hannah, you are only 24, you’re not 54. You have time to find the right guy. God knows the desires of your heart. He says to wait on Him. If you wait on Him, trusting Him through the process, you will reap the rewards.

Thank you, Hannah, for joining us for this podcast. You stay the course and stay strong. You have a lot of support from all of us. A huge thank you to our rockstar peer-to-peer callers who gave Hannah encouragement….Laura, Dana, Christy, Scott, Oneida, Hillary, and Princess. Thank you to all of our listeners!!

Other Related Podcast Episodes on Dating:

Why Is It So Hard to Find a Connection with Someone? – EP 55

How to Avoid Sexual Temptation as a Christian – EP 42

Resources for Dating:

Relevant eBooks on Dating as a Christian:

Need to talk to someone? Chat with a Hope Coach at TheHopeLine.

Until next time…Remember you are loved, you are valuable, and God has an amazing plan for your life.

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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