A New Believer and Relationships
Glory gave her life to Christ about a year ago and expresses that new life was breathed into her. She feels much less burdened now, as she’s able to give it all over to God and she’s confident He will take care of her. It did take her longer than she thought it would to give up her bad friendships and relationships. She shares, “It’s been difficult since there are some things you have to avoid in order to follow the commandments of God and obey Him. It gets lonely along the way, especially in the relationship area and sexual temptation. Just recently, I started talking to somebody and I had a feeling that if I keep talking to him it’s going to lead me back to the ways I have already left.”
As you’ve probably figured out, Glory is talking about sex. She wants to abstain from sex until she is married which also means setting boundaries and not getting physically intimate with a guy.
Glory thinks the guy she is seeing is Christian but doesn’t know him well enough yet to know for sure. She’s worried that if she is weak and this guy is weak when it comes to being physical and having sex then who is going to stop them from doing it. She makes it clear that God is more important to her than any guy is. She’s worried if she stays in this relationship, then it could get physical. What do you think would help her? Let’s find out what you had to say to help Glory.
Peer to Peer Advice on Sexual Temptation:
Facing temptations is part of life. It’s awesome that Glory is thinking ahead about the temptation of sex and wants to set boundaries before it goes too far with this guy she is seeing. Have you been there before? In a relationship and committed to not having sex before marriage but tempted to do so. Glory received great advice and feedback from Christina, Alisha, Laura, Linda, Robin and Sarah.
If He’s Not Willing to Wait, Go Your Separate Ways
Christina shares with Glory, “I am a 29-year-old mother, so I have some experience when it comes to having relationships. One key piece of encouragement is that if the young man is frustrating her and she’s trying hard to resist the temptation of having a physical relationship at this time, then that’s the stone-cold truth that it’s not a true love or care for her that’s initiating his desires.
Unfortunately, there’s a lot of people who give in to the temptation and end up with children who weren’t planned and scars that weren’t planned.
If he’s pressuring you, Glory, then that’s not someone who cares about you the way God intents for a husband or potential husband to treat you. Stand your ground and have the conversation where you talk about it and say to him, “Look I feel this way about you, and you feel this way about me and if we are going to have a relationship then we are going to need to wait to get married. If you’re not willing to do that then we need to separate now so that I don’t get hurt and you don’t get hurt.”
Set Boundaries Early in the Relationship
Alisha says Glory shouldn’t feel ashamed of this, “Even if you’re with the holiest guy in the world, there’s going to be a sexual temptation. Something really important to do is sit down and have a conversation about what you both want. If he really does love God, the way he seems to portray then he should be open to having that conversation and setting boundaries. And if she does decide to go through with this relationship and they set boundaries then be really careful where she decides to hang out with him.
Maybe hang out in the daytime. Don’t put yourself in situations where things could happen that she doesn’t want to happen.
If she does decide to be in a relationship with somebody, then keep praying and keep staying with God. It’s almost like when you’re in a relationship you have to work double-time on your faith because of the temptation that’s there. It says in Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for all life flows from it.” So, it’s really important for her if she wants to have a lasting relationship to set those boundaries early. It’s better to do it earlier on, rather than being with him a while, then things get rough, and she ends up punishing her heart and causing scars that could last for a lifetime. And keep praying because temptation will be there no matter what relationship she’s in.”
Hang Out in Groups
Laura has simple but practical advice: “Hang out with groups of couples instead of one-on-one. It will help relieve some of the tension and some of the opportunity where she could get hurt or hurt him.”
God Wants You Eternally Happy, Not Just Temporarily Happy
Linda was in a similar situation. She shares, “For new Christians especially, it’s a very vulnerable time but it’s also a very rich time to get to know the principles of God and why we have the commandments we do. God isn’t just a control freak; he wants what’s best for us and is a very wise father. He gives us these commandments so we can be eternally happy, not just temporarily happy.
He’s looking at the whole picture of our whole spiritual essence. Getting really deep into the Bible and getting to know God’s heart is so important during this time. Also, reading books, such as by John Eldredge, who is a great author, who helps you understand that God is this loving father. If you understand why God has these commandments that go against our flesh all the time, then you know he wants what’s best for us.
Glory, you can see this battle you’re in, as an honor and as a joining with Jesus in the battle he fought for you. The sacrifice you make is something you give back. In sacrificing you become so much stronger. You get on the other side of it, and you see what God was trying to say to you. It takes the struggle out of being obedient, when you see you are being protected.”
Prayerfully Consider All of Your Decisions
Robin says, “You are not the only one out there that struggles with these feelings. I waited up until I was 25. It ended up happening that I lost my virginity, and it was a disaster. It’s not a place that you ever want to be. You don’t ever want to question your worth and you don’t want to question your obedience to the Lord. Prayerfully consider all of your decisions. If you see a yellow light/red light and see the warnings, go back to the Lord and question what exactly he’s trying to tell you. You might stumble, you might falter but as long as you keep your eyes on him, you can’t go any other place but up. You are going to be fine.”
Listen to Those Inner Feelings
Sarah says, “I can relate to what you are going through right now. I’m 25 and I started listening and turning to God around the same age Glory is right now. I understand the feeling of wanting to be with someone and wondering why it hasn’t happened for you yet. I really encourage you to listen to those inner feelings because that’s how God communicates to you. He lets you know that maybe this is not the right person, and you might have some personal work to do or there might be something God wants you to accomplish before he puts the right person in your life.
I made a lot of mistakes choosing to follow what I wanted to do, rather than what I knew was right and what God wanted. The result, in the end, is I took it the long way around and had to do more healing and I could have trusted what I felt to start with.”
Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking God gives us rules just because he wants to control us. But he gives us commandments for a reason…to protect us, and to keep us focused on him. When you have sex, you are connecting and creating soul ties with that person. This is why breaking it off with someone you’ve had sex with is so much harder and produces heartbreak. Then from heartbreak comes distrust and a need for healing. You can protect your heart and the rest of you by deciding upfront if you are going to obey God or not. If you want to stay away from sexual temptation, then you have to be proactive. You have to communicate about it with who you are dating, set boundaries with each other, and not put yourself in situations that will lead you down the wrong path.
What advice would you give Glory?
If you’ve been in a relationship where you committed to not having sex before marriage but were tempted to do so. Let us know how you handled it. What did you do to stay away from a physical relationship? If you did end up having sex, how did it affect your life?
Resources for Dating and Sexual Temptation:
Verse of Hope to help you understand why you should wait for sex until marriage: Bible Verses About Sex, Love and Dating – Help from God
Also, check out my blogs about waiting for sex:
- Dating and Sex: What to Do if There’s a Strong Attraction, But You Want to Wait
- Why Wait for Sex?
- Is Your BF Pressuring You to Have Sex? Steps to Take
- Dating Reality Check: Is it Lust or Love?