Partnering with insecurity in our dating journey can drive us to make choices we wouldn't normally make. Especially when we're stuck in the tension of wanting to be married, but we're currently very single. We can even find ourselves settling into an unhealthy relationship believing that's all we're worth... We're here to help you uncover how insecurity has affected your dating style and give you keys on how to hope for God's best!
Insecurity Doesn't Speak Truth
When we're stuck in a pattern of "unsuccessful" relationships or we're just not being asked out period, we can find all our insecurities bubbling to the surface.
"What's wrong with me?"
"Am I not good enough?"
“Am I even worth fighting for?”
"Will I ever be loved???"
All this negative self-talk begins to cloud our judgment and skew the way we see ourselves- even the way we see God. The longer we “make friends” or partner with those lingering questions and lies without bringing them to the Lord, the more insecurity can take root.
Insecurity Distorts Our Perception of Reality
If we've allowed thoughts of inadequacy to drive our dating life, we can become desperate for anyone to fill that void. Maybe someone comes along and says everything we've been dying to hear. Red flags may have been blaring, but they seem so smitten with us that it’s almost impossible not to get swept off our feet. It’s flattering, exciting, and validating. We can feel so reassured that someone is interested in us that it causes us to gloss over their flaws... But flattery is no substitute for character, and no matter how good it feels to be wanted- you need to ask yourself the hard questions.
Are there red flags?
Do they share my values?
How does my community feel about them?
Am I actually interested in them, or am I scared of being alone?
We may want to rush the pace of a relationship in hopes that our fears of being alone will be met or that we finally feel "good enough", but no human can fully heal those fears. We've got to come honest and bring them to God knowing that He knows how to meet them.
If You're Stuck in Cycles of Insecurity, Pause on Dating
If we’re really struggling with insecurity, it probably isn't the right time to start a relationship. This doesn't come from a shame-based place, but from a place of understanding that God cares more about our heart than who we date. When we take intentional time to face our deep-seated fears, we give space for Holy Spirit to heal those places within us. If we use insecurity to lead our dating journey, we may find ourselves in relationships not because we love someone, but because we need their affirmation, too. (Which isn’t fair to them, or you.) So don’t be afraid to let go of something that you know deep down isn’t right, even if it’s something that looks like what you thought you wanted. Step back, find healing for your heart, and trust that real love is worth the journey.
Listen to my call with Shelby who feels like she's not worth anything. She's at the point where she doesn't trust guys, but still thinks she needs to find the right guy.
Take Time for Some Soul Work
Want to know some great news? Healing is 100% possible and you don't have to live in a place of insecurity forever! It may take some time, but the more you invest your heart into the journey of wholeness- the more you prepare yourself to date wholeheartedly in the future.
Here are some soul work steps to help jumpstart your process!
- What lies or self-deprecating questions have I been entertaining when it comes to my identity and love life?
- When did those lies come into the picture? Is there a memory attached to them?
- What does God believe about me? What does God say about my love life?
- What would it take for me to give those insecurities to the Lord?
- Pause and invite Holy Spirit to meet you where you are. Ask Him what your first step to healing should be. This could look like counseling, journaling daily, reading a new book, joining a small group, whatever it may be- God sees your heart and knows how to get you where you need to be!
Do you feel like you're not good enough for someone? Here's more on why we struggle with these thoughts and feelings in a relationship?
Originally published on Moral Revolution.