Heartache is Avoidable

Steps to Protect Yourself from Heartbreak

Anytime you open yourself up to love, you might get hurt. It's a risk you take, but one that is often well worth it.
However, we can take steps to protect ourselves from heartache that is avoidable.

Many people fall for major lies when they enter a dating relationship such as believing you are only valuable if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, believing you can change someone, and believing sex isn't a big deal. Believing these lies and allowing your heart to get pulled in will almost always result in heartache. After counseling many broken-hearted people, I have developed quite a list of mistruths they believed that allowed them to get in so deep. I want to make you aware of these lies so you can fill your heart with TRUTH and cling to that truth when you start to get confused. It is my hope that you can recognize these traps after a few dates and protect yourself from deeper hurt.

Here are two more lies people fall for at the beginning of a dating relationship.

Being in a relationship with this person will fulfill me and bring me complete happiness.

A person who believes this will desperately do anything to keep the person loving them.  This is not happiness. To change yourself and accommodate their every need because you live in fear of losing them.

  • The Truth is another person will NEVER be able to fill the hole in your soul and complete you.  Only God's love is perfect. Only God can fill the hole. Never be so desperate to connect with another person that you are willing to lose who you are to keep them. It's not worth it.
  • Protect your heart by understanding that your partner is never going to be able to fill all your cravings for love. If the relationship is not working, let them go before you get in too deep. It may hurt for a moment, but you are free to be yourself. Put your identity in a God who loves you perfectly just the way you are.

It doesn't matter if we have the same morals or spiritual beliefs, as long as we love each other that will be enough. 

The idea that a couple can "agree to disagree" about foundational beliefs such as morals and religion is a big risk.

  • The Truth is there are no deeper thoughts or values than those that come from our spiritual being. What we believe spiritually will tell us a lot about our values and how we look at our world. Without agreeing on spiritual beliefs, most relationships will crumble.
  • Protect your heart by making a point to be sure you are on the same page about faith and values before you get too deep into your relationship. It is one thing to be friends with people who believe differently than you.  It is another thing entirely to try to build a life with someone who does not agree with how you see the world.

The main TRUTH here is that you don't have to settle for less than you deserve. Waiting for the right relationship can save you from a lot of heartache.

If you have the capacity to love, then you have the capacity to be hurt. For more help with heartbreakread this blog.

TheHopeLine Team
For over 30 years, TheHopeLine has been helping students and young adults in crisis. Our team is made up of writers and mental health professionals who care deeply about helping others.
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7 comments on “Heartache is Avoidable”

  1. Some guys just won't take no for an answer! X won't leave me alone ! I will take care of this on my own , my way and with Gods help answering this prayer I won't have to live in fear . I never loved him but he's obsessed over me still !

  2. I have been in a great relationship for 4 yrs. I'm 53 and he is 66. He is retired and has 2 homes and travels back n forth every 10 days to 2 weeks. Hard keeping up 2 homes and his kids/grandkids live in Atlanta. He has been trying to sell place in Atlanta for a while. He has also built on at his place here but its not finished and did it for me. I have my own home also to kerp up and I'm still working. This arrangement has worked well for us as we both have lots of responsibility. We have complete trust so that's never been an issue. Yes it sucks he isn't here all the time but ee make most of it when he is here. We rarely ever get mad at each other.
    Problem is that night before our 4th anniversary.....we ate dinner and was talking and I wss on a rant complaining about work etc and working on a basketball bracket entry. He said I smartrd off when he offered help (he took it the wrong way) and also said I must have come over with something on my mind as I was in a bad mood and should stay home when I'm like that.... (I wasn't in a bad mood) he on the other hand is ocd and had one stressful event after another for the entire 2 week visit (none of it had anything to do with me personally) and I think he was in bad mood. When we went to bed I could tell something was wrong and asked and he just said he didn't like the way the conversation had gone and I said whst do you mean? He said never mind he wss just tired.
    Next morning I could tell he was still upset and asked was he still mad at me and why?
    He said maybe we have run our course and ran out of things to talk about and have nothing in common....he said maybe i should find somebody my age who is here all the time bc he cant be and that the older he gets he doesnt have patience for drama???? I was blown away...I said seriously? He said yes and instead of arguong I just said wow and got ready for work while he stayed outside with our dogs. When I got ready to leave neither of us said anything. He left same day going to his other home. I gave him 4 days to chill and sent txt I would like to talk and have not hesrd one word. I sent another txt a few days after that and said I thought of you when I saw the moon...nothing
    He will not talk to me and I'm going CRAZY wondering what happened....out of blue
    My heart is broken. Help me understand

  3. Hi I was single for a year then I met this guy he was a gentleman and we clicked only problem for him was I have children! We dated for two months and he never met my children he said to me he loves me and wants only me! Then you told me that he is ready to have his own family and find a wife but not with me as he didn't want a ready made family! I'm heartbroken

    1. Hi jesus his a friend nd beother present help in time of need if u wnt a husband tell d Lord nd wait patient is virtue psalms 37:4 delight thyself also in d Lord nd he will give thee thedesiresof thy hearth

  4. relationships are meant to make us evolve. staying married is not a goal in itself. it all depends if the marriage is worthy and our needs met.

  5. Hi my names brendan and am a married man. I recently met a girl online and things quickly got heated by the two of us. I now know that I love her and she said the same. But I also love my wife so we decided to end it and know I can't stop thinking about her she doesn't live far from were i am and all I want is to be with her. my hearts in pieces

    1. Brendan, I belive it is possible to 'fall in love' with several people, and change the object of your 'in love'. However, what you have with your wife is real - it is a marriage, so much more than being in love! Are you willing to give it all up just to follow the urge? And, if you want to keep wife and still be close to that other woman - that is also not possible, if you get close to one you will distance yourself form other one, it is just how it naturally works. Think thought.

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