Sex

Pornography Addiction: Being a Muslim to Christianity

Before I Became a Christian and Pornography Addiction

My life before Jesus Christ is an interesting story. I was not brought up as a Christian. I used to be a Muslim. When I was 9 years old, my family moved from Iran where I was born and raised and came to Texas due to a job offer my dad got. In middle school, I started to lose my faith and relationship with God. All of the issues in the world, especially the issues of terrorism and wars over religion caused me to stop believing in religion. I began to just focus on my selfish desires and going after immoral things. I began to develop a problem with pornography addiction. When I entered high school, my main focus was on pornography and sex chat rooms, instead of God or my studies.

God Used a Movie to Get My Attention

I had lost hope in living my life. I would ask God to end my life, so I could burn in hell and be punished for my sins. Then everything changed when I saw the movie, Son of God. God used that movie to help me regain my interest and desire for religion. After watching the movie, Son of God, I asked one of my friends if he knew of good churches in our area. He invited me to go with him to his Baptist church that Sunday. At first, I thought he was joking with me, but he was serious. When I went to that church, I fell in love with it and with God’s Word. After that experience, I decided to become a Christian. So on Easter 2014, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior!

My main focus was on pornography and sex chat rooms. I lost hope. Then I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. Click To Tweet

My Family Was Against my Faith

When my family found out, they argued with me and tried to convince me that Christ is just a prophet, not the son of God. They wanted me to wait until I was 18 to become a Christian.

However, on August 10th I was baptized against my family’s will. My older brother threatened that I would be dead to him if I got baptized. However, I still did it because that was God’s will for me. My life after accepting Christ has not been easy. I keep getting persecuted for my faith. Every time I do something wrong, my parents tell me how can you do this and be a Christian or go to church.

7 Steps Towards A Porn-Free Life

God’s Message to Me

I have had times in my life where I thought God has given up on me, but through prayer and reading the Bible I was able to learn more about God’s great love for me. In my life, I feel I have had many miracles.

My first miracle was on Christmas Eve. At the end of the service, I heard God’s voice in my head saying, come home Reza, come home again to me. After I heard that voice, I went and prayed with a pastor. My second miracle was a time when God told me who I am. He showed me that I am his child that He loves me and has great plans for me. Another time God spoke to me through his Word. He told me that I should let him work things out with my brother. The most recent miracle came at a time when I was feeling depressed. As I prayed, I saw Jesus giving me his hand. It was as if he was saying, “put your trust in me and I will help you get through this day.”

What I have I learned from being a Christian is that, if it is God’s will, it will happen, no matter what. My favorite Bible verses are –

Romans 6:14, “For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law but under grace.”

Romans 6:23 says: “For the wages of sin is death, but Gods free gift is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.”

In Christ Alone, Reza

Are you struggling with an addiction to pornography, know there is hope and Jesus loves you. Through His grace, you are forgiven and you can overcome your addiction. Download TheHopeLine’s free eBook today.

Photo Credit: Ashkan Forouzani

I Can’t Let a Broken Heart Break My Life

My name is Megan. I broke up with my boyfriend. We had a long distance relationship for a year and a half. During that time, he would say how much he loved me and that he couldn’t live a life without me and everything will be perfect when we are finally together in the same room one day. But those words were deceitful. He gave me this high hope. I worked so hard to save money so I could visit him. We’d been through so much together. I was blind to how I was being treated.

A Deceitful & Hurtful Relationship

I gave up a lot for this relationship. He said love is jealous, so I lost friends because he was very possessive. I even lost a career because he didn’t like my manager. He said the manager cared too much about me. My boyfriend demanded I talk with him when he had problems. I was always there to cheer him up. When he had issues, I was there to listen and to give him my opinion, when he asked for it. I gave him my all, but he never appreciated it.

He said all I ever wanted was an argument with him. If I confronted him about things, he would say we were not in sync. He would blame me for every mistake he made. When he got angry, he would talk to people online and tell them he was sick of me and call me names. Then he would later apologize to me and somehow convince me it was all my fault. He would say if I just wouldn’t argue with him then he wouldn’t do that.

8 Signs Your Dating Relationship Is Unhealthy

Enough is Enough

He broke my heart too many times. He cheated on me, but then would come to me crying saying all the right words. I was angry and disappointed, but I forgave him. He knew I would forgive him, so every time he would blame me for everything he did wrong. It was always about me not making him happy.

Finally, I realized I was a fool to keep the relationship going with the hope he would change. He didn’t. I began wondering if I am a weak person. Why would I love this man so much that I would allow myself to become so attached to him? I finally broke up with him. It was the hardest thing to do, and it hurt me a lot. I cried for days. I hoped that he would at least call me and ask if I was alright. He didn’t. I called my mom and she prayed for me in tears as she had to bear all my pain everytime this man hurt my feelings.

A Search for Hope

Not wanting to cause my mom any more pain, I searched the internet for advice on my problem. That’s when I found TheHopeLine. As soon as I logged in to chat, there was a coach available to talk to me. I didn’t expect it would work, but it did work. I told the coach my problem and the coach listened patiently and gave me some advice. It really touched my heart. Why would a stranger bother to listen and to give advice and pray for me? I felt like I was all alone with my pain, but here was someone willing to listen to me.

The coach asked me if I believed in God and tears started falling down my face. I had forgotten God for a long long time. Even though I had a good Christian upbringing, when I went to college I left it all behind. I thought God had forgotten me too because I had betrayed Him. When my mom prayed with me, I let her because that’s what she wanted. But when the coach asked me if she could pray for me, I knew I needed it more than anything. It gave me peace. I realized God had never left me…all this time He was around…watching me.

I know it is not an accident that I went to look for something to read and ended up at TheHopeLine. God led me here. I felt so dirty and so sinful. I felt I didn’t deserve God, but then my mom told me if you still feel guilty, it shows that God loves you because you can still feel it. If your heart becomes so stone cold and feels nothing, it means you reject God. That very moment I knew God never left me even though I turned my back on Him. He’s been there waiting for me, and He is using all that I am going through to lead me home to Him. I feel ashamed of myself, but also so grateful because God reached out to me through the coaches at TheHopeline.

It’s a Journey

I still struggle with my emotional pain. A coach reminded me that there is no easy way to fix my broken heart. When I wanted to harm myself, something held me back, and I went to talk to a coach instead. The talks with the coach really pushed me back to being rational. I could not harm myself for what I felt inside. It would not solve my problem. It would just keep me broken. I couldn’t do that to my parents or fail the coaches that God had provided for me. Why would I doubt that God couldn’t help me through this?

I can’t let a broken heart break my life. There is a choice between giving in to my pain or giving it all to God. I choose the second. I decided to let God give me the strength to endure my moment of pain, to let God walk with me in my darkest time, to let Him hold my hand and show me the way to deal with my brokenness.

The HopeCoach suggested I read blogs on this site, and, of course, read the Bible. It helped me a lot and I began to see myself more clearly. There are lots of people who suffer more than me, yet they aren’t giving in or giving up. We all have our own problems, even the coaches. Yet the coaches give their time to help someone in their time of need.

I can't let a broken heart break my life. I decided to let God walk with me in my darkest time. Click To Tweet

Hurt Again, but Stronger with God

After 3 weeks, suddenly my ex called me. He was drunk and crying. I asked what happened? He said after we broke up, he found someone else. He fell in love with her so bad, and he already had sex with her. But then he did something that made her break up with him. Hearing this stabbed me right through my heart. He kept on talking of how much he loves the girl and that he can’t lose her as she is the love of his life. He tried to kill himself to show how sorry he was to this girl. It caused my heart to break again to realize he didn’t feel anything for me while I was in pain.

But I knew the right thing to do, so I told him what the HopeCoaches had told me…to kill yourself over a broken heart is not wise. I asked if I could pray for him. He said okay, even though he didn’t believe in God. I put aside all my pain because his life was at stake. I asked God to give me strength because if God leads him to talk to me, then may I do that according to God’s will. So I told my ex, “Your life has a purpose, and to end your life because of a broken heart is just not fair.” He thanked me for always being there, but then once again blamed me! He said all of this wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t broken up with him.

After that, I was just numb. My heart felt cold. I just cried out to God. What is it He wants to teach me? I reached out to a HopeCoach again before I allowed myself to be flooded with bad thoughts. The coach encouraged me and prayed for me. I realized God did not let me down. I don’t know where I got the strength to keep my cool when my ex called me. Somehow God filled my heart with compassion…giving me the ability to help my ex realize that no matter what happens, our lives have a purpose and that God loves him and cares about him.

God’s Love is Greater Than a Broken Heart

Through this whole experience, my heart was torn to pieces, but it is still working and is actually stronger than it was before. I have learned the only true and unfailing love comes from God. I am grateful that God showed me His Love. A love so deep that he gave His only Son to die for our sins. Jesus experienced all the pain and hurtful things that we do and so much more. He died for people who were cursing him, rejecting him, and demeaning him. He demonstrates a love that conquers all that.

Humans can hurt each other in every worst way, but God’s love conquers it all. That’s what I have come to understand from my experience. Yes, I still feel down sometimes, but I’m no longer lost. God is putting me back together. He is shaping me. I trust He wouldn’t let me go through all this without a purpose. I know He has a plan for me. A great one!

I want to thank all the coaches who have been there for me in my time of need, you are all God’s hands. Thank you to everyone who shared their stories here. Reading all the stories gives me strength. That is the power of sharing! God bless you all.

And last but not least…Thank you, God for this wonderful site, wonderful people, and wonderful love you let us share with each other even though we are all strangers. You are wonderful, God! There is none like You! Let us all be the living proof that You are God. Amen.

If you are questioning whether your relationship is healthy or toxic, we are here to help you through this.

Photo Credit: Brooke Cagle

A Condom For The Heart

by Dawson McAllister

I remember many years ago, reading an article about condoms. There was a big debate at the time as to whether condoms would slow down the sexual revolution and really make sex safer. There was a quote from a Catholic priest which I’ll never forget. He said, “I’ll believe in condoms when they come up with a condom for the heart.”

We live in time when condoms are thrown out into the crowd, telling you if you’re going to have sex you simply have to protect yourself. But I have yet to find a condom for the heart. When I say heart, I’m talking about your deepest emotions, the way you look at yourself, and how you feel about the one you love.

No Protection for Regret and Broken Hearts?

I have talked to hundreds of people who cannot erase the regret and pain that has been brought on by having sex with their boyfriend, girlfriend or even a stranger. This is a pain that no condom can ever protect you from.

Ride a roller-coaster or go on a trip if you need thrill and excitement. [Lovers] come and go, but babies, STD’s, and regret stay.

Everybody is looking for someone who will love them unconditionally. Sex alone will not fill that void. In fact, casual sex will just leave you empty, but wanting more, making the ache deeper and deeper. Julianne says it really well: Why have sex over a feeling that can come and then go. Sure sex is fun and a thrill, but the heartache and worries are NOT WORTH IT!! Ride a roller-coaster or go on a trip if you need thrill and excitement. [Lovers] come and go, but babies, STD’s, and regret stay.

No Protection for Being Used

Condoms can’t protect you from confusing love for lust. Lucy commented about having sex for the first time at age 13, and the attachment she automatically felt for the guy. She said: When this happened, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I lost something I will never be able to get back. I was so madly in love with this guy, had such low-confidence, and was willing to do anything to keep this guy in my life. Having sex was what he wanted, and all he wanted. We did not use a condom, and surprisingly, it was not my biggest regret. I was used, and then dropped. I am still not able to get over this guy. We don’t talk anymore. He hates me. Sadly, I’d still do anything to be close with him again. I wasn’t ready and now I’m so emotionally attached.

Tragically, Lucy still does not understand she is set up for more hurt if she goes back to this guy. Because, like all of us, she has not found a condom for her heart. She is playing with emotional unprotected sex.

Comparing Love vs. Lust

Anthony admits that guys don’t have a condom for their heart either: Me and my girlfriend were going out for about a year and a half when we had sex for the first time. Every time after that all she wanted was sex. I didn’t want to but I thought I loved her so I gave in. When she thought she was pregnant, things went downhill. Good thing for us she wasn’t. When we broke up she thought that I was using her for sex when I never really wanted to.

Condoms also cannot prevent you from feeling cheap. Mandi shares how she carries a lot of the heaviness and shame that came from having sex: I dated a guy who told me he loved me, and how wonderful things would be. He forced me to have sex and then broke up with me. I felt so ashamed for going out with him and didn’t understand how he could do that. I felt like it was all my fault. My self-respect was lost. I felt like no guy would ever really love me.

No Protection for a Ruined Reputation

Condoms don’t protect your reputation. When Tiffany was 16, she had already had sex with ten different guys. She painfully explains her situation: After the third guy I was really wanting to kill myself because all the guys in my town were calling me the town ho, but I just wanted to get pregnant so someone would love me. Well, I did get pregnant. But after the guy found out he beat me up, and, like he was trying to do, I had a miscarriage.

Too bad Tiffany didn’t have a condom to protect her reputation, but there’s no such thing.

No Heart Protection

All of these stories prove a point. Condoms only do what are they are designed to do and that is to help with birth control and protect from STDs. Sometimes they fail even doing that. But they are not designed to protect your heart from being broken with irresponsible and uncommitted sex. Until you find a partner who will stay committed to you for the rest of your life, you will always experience the pain and regret of a heart without a condom.

Please leave a comment if you have a similar story that can help others make wise choices.

Relationship Disasters – What Not to Do: EP 22

Questions to Ask Before Starting to Date

In This Episode:

Even before you begin to date, there are some questions you need to ask yourself and then answer which could save you from a lot of pain, heartache and relationship disasters. In this episode, I talk with Dustin about his unrealistic expectations with dating. Then I talk with Blake, who jumped into dating and a physical relationship way too quickly. Lastly, Jessica and I have a conversation about her dating over 150 guys in one year and how she’s needs to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

Unrealistic Expectations

Dustin met a girl on a dating website. Dustin soon realized he has too much going on to date a girl who lives 2 hours away. Plus, he’s not attracted to her but he’s still dating her.

In my conversation with Dustin, it became clear he had unrealistic expectations about what dating could do for him.

Dustin should have asked himself am I genuinely attracted to this girl or am I settling for less, just so I can be in a relationship?

If you are dating and realize this person is not the one you want to keep dating then don’t drag it out. Sometimes we attempt to keep the relationship going when we should have ended it. Dustin went into the relationship with high expectations, even though she didn’t meet them, he kept dating her anyway. What a mistake! Dustin is settling for a girl he’s not attracted to, just to be in a relationship.

Dustin should also have asked himself, “Do I have enough time and emotional energy to give to the relationship?”

Dustin isn’t in a good place to start a relationship. Why is he even looking for someone right now? He has too much on his plate already. It should be a clue he’s not ready to seriously date. Successful dating relationships take time and can’t be pushed, manipulated, or made into something it’s not. Dustin was trying to force a relationship with her even though she wasn’t the right girl and it wasn’t the right time.

Dustin should have asked himself a very direct question: “Am I looking to this girl to make me feel complete?”

Spiritual and Emotional Completeness

No woman is going to make Dustin feel whole for very long. A true spiritual and emotional completeness comes only from a deep relationship with Jesus Christ. His love never fails us. His wisdom is beyond our wildest imagination. His plans for us are always the best. King David, a great king in the Bible said, “Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.” Psalm 7: 4-5

God knows our desires and knows what we need, who else can helps us like God? We are easily fooled but God is never. If we seek Him with all of our heart, all our other desires will take care of themselves.

If the person is not the ONE you want to keep dating then don’t drag it out. #relationships Click To Tweet

Jumped into Dating Way Too Quickly

Blake and his girlfriend jumped into dating way too quickly. It became physical even though neither of them intended it to be.

Blake should have asked himself, “Is this relationship spinning out of control?”

Don’t let the powerful feelings of false intimacy, stirred up by the misuse of sex, fool you into thinking you have an awesome relationship. In reality, you don’t! It’s just a matter of time until the whole thing will fall apart. That’s what happened to Blake. They weren’t even friends and didn’t know how to fix it. Sex was a cloud over their relationship that kept it from growing and led it to be out of control. Don’t let that happen to you!

Don’t let false intimacy, stirred up by sex, fool you into thinking you have a great relationship. Click To Tweet

Epitome of a Relationship Disaster

Jessica blew my mind. Here is a young woman who has dated over 150 guys in one year. She said she’s the epitome of a relationship disaster.

Jessica needed to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

She has developed a full-blown addiction to guys. She keeps going with a different guy nearly every night but it doesn’t work. She always comes up empty and yet craving for more. She’s turned guys into a god. There’s no way these guys could ever meet her needs. She’s looking to them to do for her what only God can do.

Carousel of Heartbreak

Don’t ever let someone you are dating turn into a god. Only God can be God. Only God can fill your emptiness. One could date a million guys, still come up empty and still trapped on a carousel of heartbreak. Only Jesus Christ can rescue Jessica from the blinding, cruel carousel. The last thing she needs to do is go after one more guy. She needs a whole new personal healing. She needs to put first things first and get her life out of reverse. Jesus said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

Don’t let who you're dating turn into a god. Only God can be God. Only God can fill your emptiness. Click To Tweet

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

My hope is you will continually ask yourself important questions and be honest with the answers. Be very careful before starting to date because you could end up with scars God never intended you to have. With God’s help, you can develop a healthy, happy dating experience and that is my hope for you.

Resources for Relationships:

Check out my eBooks: Understanding Dating, Getting Over a Broken Heart, Relationship Advice for Girls, and Relationship Advice for Guys.

Check out my blogs: 8 Signs Your Dating Relationship is Unhealthy, Stop the Heartache – 4 Things to Avoid, and It Felt So Right.

Check out these stories of hope from people who have struggled in their relationship: Relationship Issues, and My Relationship, Depression and Then Hope
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.

With God’s help, you can develop a healthy, happy dating experience. @dawsonradio #RelationshipGoals Click To Tweet

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on how to deal with anger. Everybody struggles with it, you, me and the guy down the street and that’s why God speaks about it so much in the Bible. I had a chance to talk with 3 people: Evie, Donald and Matthew about their anger. I think you will be moved by their honesty but also the serious traps they could fall into if they don’t deal with it.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Is Your Toxic Relationship Sucking the Life out of You? EP 21

Above All Else, Guard Your Heart…

In This Episode:

Do you have a relationship sucking the life and energy from you? Maybe you don’t even realize your relationship is dragging you down. If it’s poisoning your self-esteem and happiness then chances are it’s extremely toxic, which means…time to get out! In this episode, I talk with Ashely about all the toxic, hurtful things her messed up boyfriend does to her. Then I talk with Kelsea, who’s boyfriend is sucking the life out of her causing her to be confused and miserable. Lastly, I talk with Jess. He and his girlfriend keep going back to the destructive parts of their relationship causing confusion, hurt and chaos in their relationship.

Hurt Repeatedly

Ashley’s messed up boyfriend has hurt her repeatedly. He’s done many terrible things, including:

Bringing way too much drama to the relationship
Stolen money from Ashley
Left her all alone
Lied to her countless times
Doesn’t take responsibility for his children
Repeatedly breaks his promises

He’s also a player, a user, an abuser and is a guy lacking a conscience. As you can tell, there is no question, Ashley is in a toxic relationship. The longer she stays in it, the more difficult it will be for her to end it.

The good news is Ashley has friends who will support her. She’s not alone. God is with her to help her do what she must do. As scary as it is, Ashley should have a restraining order put on him, and break off all contact, even if it means she must move away. But as long as she gives him hope, he’ll hang around, trying all of his tricks again and again. Ashley needs to cut off all ties with him, no matter what.

Is your relationship sucking the life and energy out of you? #realtionships Click To Tweet

Confused and Miserable

Kelsea’s been dating a guy for 2 years. He’s caused Kelsea to be confused and miserable because:

He like many other toxic people have trust issues.
He is talking to another girl. He even goes to this girl’s apartment alone. He’s told this other girl he has feelings for her, and sends her inappropriate texts and pictures.
He lies to Kelsea repeatedly.
He brings a lot of terrible drama to her life. She finds herself sitting in the counselor’s office at school, crying her eyes out.

It’s all so sad! Kelsea’s boyfriend is toxic and he’s sucking the life right out of her, causing her to be miserable, and confused. So, even though Kelsea is beginning to recognize the cruel things he has done to her, she feels he still loves her. Why would she believe that? No one else does. Everybody else knows he’s a loser but she keeps telling herself lies about him. She fears if she ever faces the truth, she would have to leave him and to her that would be the ultimate heartbreak. She would rather have a crushing, toxic relationship than no relationship at all.

Would you rather have a crushing, toxic relationship than no relationship at all? @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

It Takes Courage to Leave a Toxic Relationship

Sometimes when people are single, they feel like they’ve failed. But really, they are just without a boyfriend or girlfriend at the time. It’s not forever. They tie their self-worth to if they have a relationship with someone. Their whole self-esteem cries out, “Better to be in a toxic relationship than be single.” That, of course, is a lie.

It takes far more courage to leave a toxic relationship and be single and healthy than to stay in the toxic relationship. There will always be people to date but the question is, who is this person? Am I growing when I’m with them? Am I just going to plow into another relationship unprotected and clamoring to meet needs the other person can’t meet?

It takes courage to leave a toxic #relationship and be single and healthy than to stay. @dawsonradio Click To Tweet

Mixed Signals and Obsession

Jess and his girlfriend have drama and chaos in their relationship. They are sleeping together causing confusion and hurt. They find themselves going back to the destructive part of their relationship.

His girlfriend’s hurting him by acting like she loves him again and then breaks it off. This is not healthy. There’s too much confusion with her mixed signals and his obsession to be with her. Their relationship is toxic.

If you don’t break off a toxic relationship, you are feeding it, making matters worse. Toxic relationships never die on their own. Someone has to put an end to the whole thing and that’s never easy. But in the future, you’ll be able to look back and say why did it take so long for me to end it?

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

The Bible commands we are to guard our hearts but few people really do. Most don’t stop to ask the hard questions or show a willingness to even consider who the other person is, or whether or not they bring toxicity with them. People will always pay a price when they jump into a relationship without first committing to guard their heart.

The Bible in Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” God says for us to guard our hearts above all things. That means YOU need to guard your own heart, no one else will do it for you.

If you are in a toxic relationship, it’s not too late for you to start to guard your heart. It’s time to break off ties with someone who is only bringing you pain and heartache. Then ask God to heal your brokenness and commit to guarding your heart. Ask God for wisdom to do all of this. as Jesus said, “Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” Matthew 10:16.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. - Proverbs 4:23 Click To Tweet

Resources for Identifying a Toxic Relationship:

Check out my eBook: Understanding Dating.
Check out my blogs: The Toxic Poison of Jealousy, How to Know It’s Really Love, How to Spot a Toxic Friend, and What All Relationships Need to Survive
Check out these stories of hope from people who have struggled in their relationship: Relationship Issues, and My Relationship, Depression and Then Hope
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

Join me for my next episode on questions you need to ask yourself before you start dating someone. Questions which could save you from a lot of pain and heartache. In this episode, I talk with Dustin about his unrealistic expectations with dating. Then I talk with Blake, who jumped into dating and a physical relationship way too quickly. Lastly, Jessica and I have a conversation about her dating over 150 guys in one year and how she’s needs to ask herself, “Have I become obsessive and out of control in my search to find the right one?”

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

I Can’t Believe They Cheated on Me!: EP 15

Going Through the Pain of Being Cheated On

In This Episode:

Let’s talk about cheating again but tackle the other side of it, What to do when you’ve been cheated on! Last podcast (episode 14), I talked with Josh, Sean and Ameera who did the cheating. This episode, I speak with Tabitha, James and Katelynn, who have been cheated on. Let’s hear firsthand, what it is to go through the pain of being cheated on.

Hoops He Needed to Jump Through After Breaking Her Trust

Tabitha gave away her heart for her boyfriend. Even though he had already cheated on her, she agreed to marry him anyway. She took a chance she should have never taken. It’s a huge mistake to agree to a bigger commitment when the smaller ones haven’t been met. Jesus said, “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” Luke 16:10

Tabitha’s fiancé had not proven he could be faithful. She wanted the relationship to work so badly, she trusted him again even though he had broken her trust. There are hoops he needed to jump through to prove to her he was serious about being faithful, like counseling and accountability groups. Instead, they started talking marriage. They tried to put their relationship back together, without dealing with the difficult issues. They thought a commitment to marriage was going to solve their trust issues. It seldom does. They even traded user names and passwords to help him stay accountable but that didn’t work either. She caught him having inappropriate conversations with girls online.

Now, she’s in a difficult situation because they’ve set a date for their wedding. Some money has already been spent and preparations have started. Obviously, it would be huge mistake to go ahead with the wedding. One mistake, setting the date, doesn’t mean you have to make another and go ahead with the marriage. Better disappointment and some heartache now then the grief after they’re married.

It’s time for Tabitha to break things off completely with her fiancé. It’s going to be hard but the longer she waits, the harder it will be. She needs to begin to focus on her healing and moving on with her life.

I Don’t Care Enough About You To Stay Faithful.

James received the incredible shocking news that his girlfriend has been cheating on him. To make matters even worse, she is pregnant and the baby is not his. James never saw it coming; after all, they had been together for 4 years. James responded to her betrayal in all the wrong ways. He started drinking and he’s so upset he’s not thinking clearly.

When someone cheats like James’ girlfriend did, she’s making a statement which says, I don’t care enough about you to stay faithful. For James to try to salvage the relationship would only make matters worse. There is one thing for James’ to be thankful for, this other guy has taken his girlfriend off his hands. Fortunately, James found out what she is really like before making any bigger commitments to her.

James can’t avoid all the pain, either way he’s going to suffer. But he can cause himself much more time and hurt by trying to prop up a dead relationship. Instead, James needs a whole new foundation for his life. He seriously needs to turn to God, who will never cheat on him, and receive God’s unconditional love. Then he can see himself as God does, valuable, worthy, and in need of His love. It sounds impossible now but James can come to the other side of this cheating nightmare even stronger.

Being cheated on doesn’t have to be the end of your life story. You can recover, move on and have an awesome life.

Cheated On Multiple Times

Katelynn’s boyfriend has cheated on her multiple times. If you find yourself obsessing in a relationship, you don’t have a good one. You may have heard the saying, “If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, they’re yours. If they don’t come back to you, they weren’t yours to begin with.”

If she keeps blowing up his phone, what is she saying to him about herself? That she thinks she can’t live without him. That’s bogus. She needs to hold her head high, and not belittle herself by what she is doing, which is borderline harassment. If she keeps obsessing, she isn’t focusing on her own life. There are people at her school who need her and she has a lot to offer.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Tabitha, James and Katelynn have each been heartbroken from being cheated on. When you are cheated on, it’s really hard to trust in future relationships. But being cheated on doesn’t have to be the end of your story. You can recover and learn to trust again! Consider turning to God, who will never cheat on you! You can receive God’s unconditional love and see yourself as God does…valuable, worthy, saved by grace, chosen and a representative of Him!

Resources for cheating:

Take a look at my eBook: Understanding Cheating in Relationships.
Check out my blogs: 15 Signs Your BF-GF May Be Cheating On You, Your BF/GF is Cheating on You…Now What?, Why Did Your Guy Cheat on You?, and Moving On From A Cheating Boyfriend – 6 Things NOT To Do
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

In the next episode, join me as I speak with Kayla, Lee and Tarah, each of them pregnant and needing guidance. Kayla is not sure who the birth father is, Lee’s boyfriend is addicted to drugs and alcohol, and Tarah has a life and death decision to make.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

I Had Sex and Cheated, Should I Confess?: EP 14

Facing the Consequences of Cheating.

Sometimes You Make Choices and Sometimes Your Choices Make You.

In This Episode:

Let’s talk about cheating. People have different ideas of what they think it is. It all comes down to betraying your partner by doing something intimate with another, which he or she would not approve. Here’s a list of what some people might consider cheating, from a blog called, “What Counts as Cheating?”.

Sometimes You Make Choices and Sometimes Your Choices Make You. @dawsonradio #Dawsonism #cheating Click To Tweet

What Counts as Cheating in Relationships?

Deny being in a relationship with someone else
Sleeping in the same bed with someone else
Purchasing intimate gifts and presents for someone else
Chatting online with someone else (online affairs)
Having sexual contact with someone else (physical infidelity)
Becoming emotionally involved with someone else (emotional infidelity)
Sharing their most private thoughts and feelings with someone else
Becoming best friends with someone of the opposite sex
And the list could go on and on….

No matter how you or I might define cheating, you certainly will recognize it, if it happens to you. Where there is cheating, negative consequences come knocking, full of pain and regret.

Should He Confess?

In this episode, we hear from Josh, who really cares about his girlfriend but the fact he cheated on her early in their relationship is weighing on him. Should he tell her what he did? Is the foundation of his relationship strong enough that it can take an earthquake and a few aftershocks? He could own up to it, and seek his girlfriend’s forgiveness. But then he runs the risk of losing her; or he could remain silent and live with the guilt and shame, which will continue to haunt him and ruin their relationship. Josh desperately needs to turn to God before he even considers confessing. If he would seek God’s forgiveness, he would have peace. Then he would have the courage to confess to his girlfriend what he did and with God’s mercy and help, face the consequences. We don’t know whether or not Josh’s girlfriend will break up with him. However, the important thing is he will have faced the consequences of his actions and can start living with a clear conscience.

You had sex and cheated, should you confess? #cheating #relationships Click To Tweet

He Cheated and Got an STD

Then we hear from Sean. Sean was drunk, had sex with his girlfriend’s friend and ended up with the “crabs.” Do you get the idea Sean is caught in a trap? His girlfriend already suspects she got the crabs from Sean and when it is finally confirmed, she’s going to be furious. Sean’s convinced she won’t stay with him and apart from a miracle I don’t think she will either. Sean didn’t understand or care that drunken parties and loose women lead to heartache. As I shared with Sean, the best he can look to get out of this sorted mess is a lesson.

She Had Sex With His Father

Through Ameera, you can see how complicated, painful, and confusing life gets when people cheat. Just to make this point even clearer, let’s sort through the players in this tragic story. First, there is Ameera. She allowed herself to be seduced by her boyfriend’s father. She could have said no but she didn’t. If Ameera hadn’t had sex with her boyfriend’s father, life would be much better for her. Instead, she chose to betray her boyfriend and now has to face the consequences. Secondly, there is Ameera’s boyfriend. He is a victim. He was betrayed by both Ameera and his father. It’s one thing to be cheated on by your girlfriend but it’s a totally different kind of hurt to be betrayed by your own father. Then, there is Ameera boyfriend’s father. There’s not much good we can say about him. He is truly the villain. He had no business doing what he did. He will be very fortunate if he doesn’t lose his wife and his son. He needs to break off all ties with Ameera, for good. Then there’s also Ameera’s boyfriend’s mother. This is a woman who has a mother-daughter relationship with Ameera. She has no idea what happened. She has been betrayed by both her husband, and Ameera. Ameera needs to turn to God’s love. It’s going to be hard for her as she separates herself from this family but with God’s help, there is always a way out.

If you’ve cheated on your boyfriend or girlfriend then this episode is for you! Or if you’ve been cheated on, it might help you to get a glimpse into what someone who cheats is thinking.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

We heard Josh, Sean, and Ameera talk about how their lives got much more complicated after they cheated. As we’ve learned, nothing good comes from cheating, except the hard lessons learned. If we follow the teachings of Christ, found in the amazing truth of the Bible, we can learn to live by these truths without suffering the awful consequences of bad choices and instead have a life of love and peace.

I hope this podcast has helped you. So many people ignore the truth about cheating, they live their whole lives facing the consequences. Remember, God is a God of grace who will help us face our failures and rebellion.

Resources to understand why you’re cheating:

Take a look at my eBook: Understanding Cheating in Relationships.
Check out my blogs: 5 Life-Changing Steps for the Cheater, Let’s Talk About Cheating, Cheating – Why Not Just End the Relationship?
Need prayer? I believe God wants to change your life and mine, through prayer. If you need prayer and would like to have someone pray for you, go to the ThePrayerZone.com and check it out.
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor, an online coach who will email you and come along beside you to offer support.

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

In the next episode, join me as I speak with Tabitha, James and Katelynn, who are on the opposite side of things…they were all cheated on. When you are cheated on, it’s hard to trust in future relationships BUT being cheated on doesn’t have to be the end of your life story. You can recover and learn to trust again.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Lust Invaded Breanna’s Relationship: EP 4

How to Stop Lust from Invading Your Life.

In This Episode:

Everyone who’s currently dating or hopes to have a relationship, needs to ask themselves this question… Am I allowing desire to take over my relationships or even my life? Lust is extremely powerful and often misunderstood, causing all kinds of confusion. Some people get caught up in the excitement and have no idea where it’s going to take them or how dangerous it is.

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

The effects of lust can have lasting effects on you and your life. Breanna’s relationship fell apart after she decided to have sex. Have you had a relationship fail because of lust? Maybe you’ve lusted after something, like money, food, beauty, sex, etc. I hope this episode helps you see more clearly where you may struggle with lust so that you can begin to deal with it.

Resources for help with lust:

Take a look at my blogs: Am I in Lust?, Why Lust is Destructive, Comparing Love vs. Lust, Guard Your Heart Dating Relationships
Need to talk about your issues? Sign up for an Email Mentor
Need prayer? We have people that will pray for you at ThePrayerZone

Would you consider doing something for me?

If you like this episode and think someone else might too, please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

One last thing,

My podcast, our website, everything we do is entirely listener supported. If you’d like to help us to continue our work, please make a gift right now at our Give Now page.

The next episode is about how to know when you’re in love.

Remember, whatever you do, Never Lose Hope!
Dawson

Rage At God

This post was originally published on Heart Support, it has been reused with permission by: The Heart Support Team. Jake Luhrs, lead singer of Grammy-nominated metal band, August Burns Red, created Heart Support as a place where every music fan can heal and grow stronger.

“My rage at God had manifested itself in my everyday life.”

Depression. Anxiety. PTSD. Bipolar. All terms I have heard in the last year as people try to explain what’s wrong with me. I’m 21 and just now receiving the help I needed 6 years ago. I started cutting when I was 15. It was my way of controlling my world that was quickly spiraling downwards. When I started high school, I put so much of my self-worth in the people around me. I needed a boyfriend, and I wasn’t picky or cautious. A year into my first relationship, I was raped. I had that gift taken from me by someone I thought loved me. So here’s life knocking me down another notch, and the depression became accompanied by shame and guilt.

I learned to hide my cuts, and began to think that sex was no longer special. I jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend and the rampaging depression from everyone. When I was being used, I accepted it because it was the only way I felt like I meant anything. I was slowly losing my relationship with God. But I didn’t care because I felt abandoned.

I was slowly losing my relationship with God. But I didn’t care because I felt abandoned. #anger Click To Tweet

I was then violently raped by another boyfriend. At that point I felt completely alone. I still went to church because I ran sound for the band, and it was something I loved to do, but I wasn’t there for the right reasons. I still hadn’t learned my lesson with men, and entered an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship. I was forced to cut ties with my family and friends. I started suffering from anxiety attacks and could feel the suicidal thoughts start to become stronger. I finally got out of the relationship, but my depression was so severe that I couldn’t control my cutting and suicidal thoughts. I was angry. Angry at my situation, angry at him, but mostly angry at God. How could he let this happen to me? I entered counseling and was diagnosed with PTSD. When things weren’t getting better, I entered an outpatient day therapy program through the hospital. I refused God and his love because I couldn’t forgive myself and because I blamed him for my problems.

We're all deserving of the grace that he offers, including this imperfect, beaten down, abused me. Click To Tweet

Fast forward to now, almost a year later, with a DUI, drug habits, and a self-loathing that I couldn’t control, I finally called out for help. My rage at God had manifested itself in my everyday life and I became violent towards my family. I was at my breaking point and I couldn’t handle it on my own. I prayed and prayed for an answer to my problems and one day it hit me like a ton of bricks. God wasn’t the cause of my problems in life… I was. I had turned away from the one that loved me through all of my mistakes and had the grace I needed to accept. I find out soon if I have bipolar disorder, and I’m praying constantly for an answer along with the strength to accept God’s forgiveness and his unending love.

We are all deserving of the grace that he offers, including me. This imperfect, abused, and beat down person is deserving of grace. Deserving of love. And most importantly, forgiveness. Learning that lesson has been the hardest one to grasp in the midst of everything I’ve been dealing with. But we, as his children, need to ask for it before it can be given. Only then does He know that we are ready to receive it. So I pray not only for myself, but for everyone struggling in their life, to reach out and accept His grace and love, because YOU are worth it. YOU are deserving of it. And so am I.

In His name,
Taber

A Rape Survivor’s Story

The journey toward healing begins with the truth.

Sarah Kate shares her story of rape, alcoholism, and depression with Unveiled Campaign. This downward spiral that she found herself on was the result of a secret she was keeping…she had been abused and sexually assaulted. She is now on a journey toward healing and shares how she was able to unveil the lies from the truth and learn to love herself again.

Here is Sarah Kate’s Story: (Grab a tissue, you are going to need it.)

UNVEILED is a campaign whose aim is to reveal or unveillies we tell ourselves so we can walk in truth and freedom to fulfill our dreams and destiny.

What Should I Do If I’ve Been Raped?

RAINN, a partner of TheHopeLine, shares what to do if you or a friend is sexually assaulted.

It’s hard to know what to do, how to feel, or what your options are after a sexual assault. Please know that you’re not alone.

Find a safe environment anywhere away from the attacker. Ask a trusted friend to stay with you for moral support.
Know that what happened was not your fault and that now you should do what is best for you.
Report the attack to police by calling 911. A counselor on the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE can help you understand the process.
Preserve evidence of the attack – don’t bathe or brush your teeth.
Write down all the details you can recall about the attack & the attacker.
Ask the hospital to conduct a rape kit exam to preserve forensic evidence.
If you suspect you were drugged, ask that a urine sample be collected. The sample will need to be analyzed later on by a forensic lab.

Grateful for Fifty Shades of Grey

Did You Say Grateful for Fifty Shades of Grey?

Guest Blog is written by: Melody Bergman, blogger for National Center on Sexual Exploitation (the leading national organization addressing the public health crisis of pornography and exposing the links between all forms of sexual exploitation).

It’s midnight on New Year’s Eve, and my hubby and I have just finished watching the ball drop. The first commercial I see in 2017? A preview for Fifty Shades Darker, coming right before Valentine’s Day. No joke.

Whether we like it or not, our culture has entered a pronounced Grey period. The books swept the market like wildfire, the first movie caused quite a ruckus, and the sequel will hit theaters in just a few weeks.

This second-hand bookstore in Wales had enough copies of Fifty Shades to build a small fort! And as much as I hate what it stands for, I have to say I’m grateful for the public dialogue that has ensued in the wake of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise.

Stories of Abuse Survivors:
Abbie’s Story of Sexual Abuse
Talleha’s Story of Hope (Video)

The books were written for women. I’m a woman, so naturally I’ve been aware of them since they came out: I’m in the target audience, and so are my friends.

It’s funny … the first time I heard the title was in a gathering of betrayed wives. We were at a retreat in the mountains, in a ‘safe place,’ discussing pornography, adultery, abuse, sharing our horror stories and laughing like crazy about how nuts our lives had become.

Toward the end of the weekend, someone brought up Fifty Shades. She said her girlfriends had been reading it, using techniques from the book to “spice things up” in the bedroom, and asked if we thought it was appropriate. A few faces flushed. Some eyes dropped to the floor. Other women nodded knowingly. I had no idea what they were talking about.

Suddenly, one woman burst out: “No! Absolutely NOT okay! Do you know what is in that book? It’s BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism). It’s porn. It encourages abuse in the bedroom. Isn’t that precisely what destroyed our marriages? Isn’t that exactly what we’re fighting against? NOT okay!”

LIE: #FiftyShadesDarker is a love affair. TRUTH: It's grooming a young girl for sadistic sex. Click To Tweet

When she finished, her eyes were bulging and she was breathing hard. I understand. I am a survivor of abuse too.

For years, as the books rolled out, I continued to hear flutters on the wind about them. A whisper here, a giggle or blush there. Once in awhile a friend might mention Fifty Shades with a questioning glance, unsure if those around her were ‘okay’ with it. But nothing really out loud except that isolated outburst.

Other women were downright prudish about it. Once, I brought up the topic of BDSM in a private conversation with a close friend, and she promptly spun on her heel and walked out of the room, leaving me standing there alone. That was five years ago.

A lot has changed since then. Soon Fifty Shades Darker (the sequel) is coming to the silver screen, bringing the argument back to the forefront–for better or for worse. And I’m grateful. I’ll take it. It’s better than standing alone in a room, speaking on deaf ears.

People aren’t whispering about Fifty Shades anymore. They are blogging about it. They are signing petitions and organizing boycotts. They are joining social media campaigns, like #50ShadesIsAbuse and #50DollarsNot50Shades, which donate money to battered women’s shelters–where ‘real-life Anas’ end up.

I'm grateful. People aren't just whispering about Fifty Shades anymore. #50ShadesIsAbuse Click To Tweet

Domestic violence groups, activists, and religious organizations are publicly speaking out against the series. They are standing together. Journalists and commentators have discussed the controversy on USA Today, Good Morning America, CNN, CBS, People, Time, Huffington Post, Entertainment Weekly, Fox News, and other media outlets around the world.

And what have we learned through the public dialogue?

As it turns out, the BDSM community loves and hates the series. They like the idea of their lifestyle becoming mainstream, but say it is grossly misrepresented in the literature and now the movie. Some feel so strongly about it that they organized protests against the first film.

Some families are okay with Fifty Shades entering the public mainstream, and some are not. This fact has become very clear to me as I’ve read blogs, commentaries, and observed online and personal interactions on the topic.

But regardless of anyone’s opinion, this material is here. It is openly, visibly present in our culture. It is now accessible to our children. And it is making a mark. Don’t believe me? Read the stories yourself:

One mother asked her 11-year old what he knew about Fifty Shades of Grey. He said he’d heard it was about a woman who liked to be tied up during sex, and the book taught guys how to do that. -from 3 Things Your Kids Need to Know about Fifty Shades of Grey on ProtectYoungMinds.org

And what about 900 middle- and high-school-aged students that stormed a theater in Florida because they wanted to see the BDSM-themed film? –Huge mob of teens rushes theater after being denied entrance to R-Rated ‘Fifty Shades’

Kids walking past Fifty-Shades-themed sex toys in Target stores while buying Valentines for their schoolmates? Yep. This happened to us. They were all in the same ‘holiday’ section. (One store was more discreet and put the sex toys with the toiletries–except right next to the children’s toothbrushes. Oops!) –Target is Now Selling ‘Fifty Shades’ Sex Toys

Or how about Sacramento families go-karting, driving on Highway 50 or watching Sponge Bob at a nearby screen while Fifty Shades blared in plain view at the drive-in for three nights over Valentine’s weekend? Yeah, that’s not very discreet. –Thousands of People Who Didn’t Want to See ‘Fifty Shades’ Were Forced to See It–Here’s Why

Just for a moment, let’s put the moral arguments aside. Let’s not talk about domestic violence or sexual abuse or BDSM or whether they are the same thing. Let’s not preach to each other about the First Amendment. Instead, let’s acknowledge something: We are parents. And this is our moment. Like it or not, it’s time to address these things. Because they are here. And they are not going away.

Even if you are not a parent: Something has entered the public awareness that is worthy of your commentary.

The next generation is waiting. They are watching and listening. Of course you know how I feel about it, but … what you tell your children is up to you.

Melody Bergman writes for National Center on Sexual Exploitation but also has her own blog: Mama Crossroads.

If you are a human trafficking victim and want to be rescued….call the confidential 24/7 RESCUE HOTLINE 404.941.6024 today.

What is Abuse?
Abuse is a repetitive pattern of behaviors to maintain power and control over an intimate partner. These are behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want. Abuse includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation. Many of these different forms of abuse can be going on at any one time. -The National Domestic Violence Hotline

Pornography and Sex Trafficking [Video]

What if human trafficking and pornography are more linked than we think?

The Role of Sex Trafficking in Pornography

Many people justify their consumption of pornography as a victimless indulgence. After all, the thinking goes, the women are consenting adults, this is how they are choosing to make some money? But, what if they’re not choosing? What if they’re not consenting, and aren’t even adults? The huge amount of money involved in the “adult entertainment” industry has proved irresistible to organized crime, pimps, and other illegal profiteers. Sex trafficking is not just providing unwilling prostitutes around the world. It’s also responsible for “casting” pornographic movies all over the world.

“Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are.” – Benjamin Franklin

What is Sex Trafficking?

Predators seek out vulnerable boys, girls, and women and lure them, or outright kidnap them, and remove them from their friends and family and force them into performing sex acts. These predators use everything from drugs, physical and sexual abuse, lies, psychological manipulation, and actual imprisonment to get their victims to do what they want.

Often victims are illegally taken across international borders. These people then have to worry about the police and getting arrested and/or imprisoned in a foreign country, whose prisons are not nearly as accommodating as those in the United States. This fear of law enforcement prevents them from getting help even when they have the chance to escape.

“We cannot rely upon the silenced to tell us they are suffering.” Hanan Ashrawi #sextrafficking Click To Tweet

Sex traffickers are pernicious criminals that exploit their victims for profit. While organized crime and terrorist organizations play major roles in sex trafficking, local criminals such as pimps and madams also play a role. In a growing number of instances, even school mates are playing a major role in entrapping classmates in order to “sell them to others.

How Does Sex Trafficking Interact with Pornography?

Sex traffickers are not particular about the source of their income. Not all victims of sex trafficking are solely used in prostitution or as sex-slaves to paying customers. Pornography allows these predators to make money several times from one film. Taking just a few hours to create a low budget film where they don’t have to pay the “actresses”, gives the criminals another income stream.

Viewers of pornography have probably unwittingly funneled money into Sex Trafficking #refusetoclick Click To Tweet

Sex trafficking and pornography often have a symbiotic relationship with pornography outlets in constant need of new products and sex traffickers having a steady supply of “talent”. Sex traffickers are not particular about the age of their victims and often use children in these films. While sex trafficking is often thought to be a big problem in the third-world countries, it is the money from the industrialized countries that allows sex trafficking to flourish. Contrary to popular belief, the United States is a major perpetrator of sex trafficking crimes.

Most of the pornographic films are sold to sites that make money from advertising revenue. When you are watching pornography you have no way of knowing the source of the film. Based on the numbers of these films that are being produced with the cooperation of sex traffickers, any viewer of pornography has probably unwittingly funneled money into sex trafficking. Thus, not only supporting the sex trafficking crime, but creating higher demand for these crimes to be committed so further pornography can be consumed.

The more money sex traffickers make, the more they will expand. The more victims they will seek. The more young girls and boys they will kidnap, entrap, in prison and violate.

Pornography is not a victimless indulgence. An ever increasingly large amount of the world’s pornography is made through sex trafficking. Watching porn is giving money to criminals who kidnap, rape, torture, and kill. Lives are destroyed because of the demand for pornography, sex trades and sexual abuse.

“People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used.” – Unknown

If you are a human trafficking victim and want to be rescued….call the confidential 24/7 RESCUE HOTLINE 404.941.6024 today.

What is the cost of your porn habit? Not in terms of dollars and sense, but in terms of pain and suffering to others?

For more information and a list of How To identify the signs of a potential victim of sex trafficking read: What…Sex-Trafficking Happens in the U.S,?

You don’t have to be alone in your journey! The National Center on Sexual Exploitation has: 6 Reasons to Cut Porn Out of Your Life for Good.

Start being porn-free, check out: 7 Steps Towards a Porn-Free Life and XXXChurch has a 30-Day Porn Free Challenge you can sign up for.

If you are struggling with a pornography addiction and want more for your life, check out our eBook for more information about how to overcome the destructive addiction to pornography.

7 Steps Towards A Porn-Free Life

by Dawson McAllister

If you are fighting an addiction to pornography, you are not alone…68% of young men and 18% of women use porn at least once a week.

I share this statistic with you simply to let you know that you are not alone in your struggle. I don’t want you to think, If so many people are doing it, it must be okay,because it is not okay, but help is available. Many people have walked this road before you, and MANY of them are now free from the stronghold that pornography had on their life.

You need to realize that beyond the personal problems pornography causes, it is also causing problems within society such as an increase in Sexual Assault and an increase in demand for sex trafficking victims.

It is time to get the help you need. You too can be porn free.

To motivate you even further to break your addiction to porn, consider these personal consequences:

Porn makes real relationships less satisfying, encouraging an unrealistic view of healthy relationships.
Eventually, the porn user becomes obsessed with pornography in more extreme forms, growing increasingly secretive and isolated from loved ones.
Men who are exposed to porn describe themselves as less in love with their partner than men who don’t view porn.
After being exposed to porn, people are more critical of their partner’s appearance, sexual performance and displays of affection.
Porn is devastating to the user’s partner too. From ignoring their partner to feeling like he or she doesn’t measure up, a porn habit destroys relationships and real love. In fact 56% of divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in porn.

Breaking any addiction takes strength and perseverance. It takes courage to own up to the problem and actually do something about it. It’s not an easy journey but it’s worthwhile for you to live your life to the fullest.

Here are seven steps I would encourage you to take:

Tell someone. As difficult as it may seem, you need to bring your struggle into the open and not keep it a secret. Talk with someone you trust about your struggle with porn, such as a parent, pastor, youth leader or close friend. This is an essential first step to recovering from an addiction.
Find an accountability partner. Set aside a specific time and location where you feel comfortable discussing your addiction. Talk with him or her weekly and have open, honest conversations about your struggle. This is an essential part of getting your life back on track.
Make a clean start. Another key part of recovery is getting rid of all pornographic content you have, like images, magazines, DVDs or computer files. Let your accountability partner know you’ve destroyed the content you have.
Figure out when and where you usually struggle. If it’s late at night while you’re on the internet, turn your computer/phone/device off at 6pm and put it away or disassemble it completely. Some recovering porn addicts find it helpful to take time away from the internet completely.
Stay clear of temptation. Temptation to look at porn often comes when someone is bored, tired or lonely. Have a plan when you feel tempted, like calling a friend, going on a walk or enjoying a hobby. Try to get out of your environment and engage your mind and body in a positive way.
Recovery is a journey. If you end up looking at porn, be sure to let your accountability partner know as soon as possible. Overcoming porn is a journey, and is won day by day. Porn is a destructive cycle so when you breakdown, be transparent and talk to someone. Then start fresh.
Get professional help. There are many professional counselors that are available to help you deal with porn and the underlying issues. If you don’t have access to a counselor, TheHopeLine offers a network of professional care and resources available to you

In the end, pornography robs you of the joy of a real-life intimate relationship replacing it with pixels on a screen. Is that really what you want?

If you are struggling with a pornography addiction and want more for your life, download our free eBook!

Porn: The Gateway Drug to Sexual Violence

by Dawson McAllister

Pornography: The Gateway Drug to Sexual Violence

I have been disturbed by recent research that links repeated viewing of pornography to sexual violence and assault. While I am concerned about these studies, I am not surprised by them.

I know this can be a sensitive subject, but I want to face it head on. I think it is important that we stop thinking pornography is harmless fun for people to view in private, but rather understand the negative consequences that research proves pornography has on our thinking, our relationships and on society.

How Pornography Affects Our Brains:

Pornography researchers have found that users acclimate to the porn they watch”they get used to it, and it stops being exciting or arousing. Why? Because their brain’s pleasure response has gotten numb.

Here’s a brief science lesson about our brain. Viewing porn floods the brain with dopamine, a neurotransmitter that controls the brain’s reward and pleasure center. A path is created in the brain by the dopamine telling the brain, when you go down this path it feels good.The problem is, when a person consistently looks at porn and their brain is constantly being flooded with a high level of dopamine their brain stops reacting in the same way and suddenly to get the same excitement now they must look at more porn and more hardcore porn.

Additionally, to feel excited many users have to combine sexual arousal with the feeling of aggressive release. That’s why so much of hardcore porn is full of images of women being physically harmed. It’s also the reason that many porn addicts quickly find themselves looking at things that used to disgust them or that they used to see as morally wrong.

The Link between Porn and Sexual Assault

Research proves that:Pornography is addictive and desensitizing and in order to continue receiving the same high, people turn to more hardcore/violent pornography.
Watching pornography which displays violence against women leads people to believe that sexual violence is more common than it is. In fact, in a study by Dr. Dolf Zillmann and Dr. Jennings Bryant, it was found that people exposed to significant amounts of porn thought violent sex was twice as common as what those not exposed to porn thought.
When people believe a behavior is normal, they are more likely to try it.

And it’s not only hardcore porn that depicts violence. A 2000 study found the presence of violence in 42% of online pornography. And in 2007 the 50 top selling adult DVDs were analyzed. It was documented that there was an act of aggression every minute and a half. About 90% of scenes contained at least one act of aggression. In 95% of the scenes, the person receiving the aggression reacted neutrally or positively to it. These numbers give us a glimpse of the sexual education porn consumers receive.

The National Center on Sexual Exploitation reports that adult exposure to pornographic media is associated with:

Believing women in general enjoy rape
More acceptance of violence against women
Creating more sexually violent fantasies to get aroused
Engaging in more sexual harassment behaviors
More likelihood of forcing a woman sexually
Using physical coercion to have sex
Using drugs and alcohol to sexually coerce women

While not every porn user is going to abuse someone or become a rapist, it is proven that viewing pornography on a regular basis influences people’s ideas and attitudes toward what is acceptable sexual behavior.

I encourage you to listen to this call I had with Taylor. He is struggling with a 10 year addiction to pornography and admits if he keeps going the way he’s going he will end up in prison.

Pornography as Sex Ed for Teens

Considering that a young man’s first exposure to pornography is at the age of 12, and that 68% of teenage boys and 18% of girls view pornography once a week, what is this generation learning about sex? Because let’s face it¦most of their education is coming from porn.

A study called the Impact of Internet Pornography on Adolescents linked the consumption of internet pornography to changes in a teen’s attitude about women. Women became viewed as sexual playthings eager to fulfill male sexual desires.Additionally the study found that adolescents who are exposed to violent sexually explicit material were six times more likely to be sexually aggressive than those who were not exposed.

And they are often viewing violent material, by the age of 18, 39% of boys and 23% of girls have seen acts of sex involving bondage online.

Pornography is reshaping minds to think that violence and sexual aggression should be seen as normal and an accepted form of self-expression,- John Foubert and Ana Bridges.

So what are teens themselves saying? When interviewing teenage girls, it was found that girls and young women described boys pressuring them to provide acts inspired by the porn they consume. Girls tell of being expected to put up with things they don’t enjoy, sometimes violent things. Yet the boys they are describing think it is normal behavior because it is what they are learning from porn. They are not being taught respect, friendship, love, and intimacy, but rather aggression, degradation and cruelty.

Listen “ sex is a beautiful thing. It was designed by God to bring pleasure. If you doubt that for a minute, read the book Song of Songs in the Bible which is all about the pleasure of sex between a husband and wife. However, the warped view of sex that is promoted in pornography is distorting what sex was designed to be¦a joyful, intimate act of love between a husband and wife.

For more information:

The National Center on Sexual Exploitation – “Porn Harms”
Covenant Eyes – “About the Brain”
Impact of Internet Pornography on Adolescents
Fight the New Drug – “Sex Before Kissing”

Check out our free eBook for more information about how to overcome the destructive addiction to pornography.

6 Reasons to Cut Porn Out of Your Life for Good

Guest Blog written by Haley Halverson, Director of Communications for the National Center on Sexual Exploitation. The National Center on Sexual Exploitation is the leading national organization opposing pornography by highlighting the links to sex trafficking, violence against women, child abuse, addiction and more. Find out more and be part of the movement: To Defend Dignity.

This is the year to detox from porn in your life, whether its your personal struggle or something that is plaguing your family or relationships. And here’s why:

1) Cut porn because it harms your health

While porn might make you feel like you have sexual prowess, it is actually sapping you of your natural sexual desires and abilities. Porn induced sexual dysfunction and diminished libido with a real life partner (as opposed to pixels on a screen) are both rising phenomena among regular porn users.[i] And no, this is not limited to older men. Young and old, male and female, can all have variations of these undesired effects.

2) Cut porn because it harms your brain

Like other addictive substances, pornography floods the brain with dopamine. This rush of chemicals over time can re-wire the pathways in your brain to increase your appetite for, and eventually dependence on, porn.[ii] Now you might be thinking Sure, I watch porn sometimes, but it’s not like I’m addicted. Well unfortunately, even moderate porn use is linked to damage in areas of the brain involved in motivation and decision-making.[iii] Not exactly what you’d want to sign up for.

3) Cut porn because it harms your relationships

#PornKillsLove. Pornography feeds unrealistic, and highly selfish, expectations about sex and intimacy. Who needs a partner with their own needs and boundaries and feelings, when there are millions of videos you could watch that say yes to your every desire, whim, and fetish? Research has found that women whose husbands or boyfriends look at pornography frequently are less happy in their relationships than women whose male partners do not view it at all. Further, one study found that higher rates of pornography use were negatively associated with enjoying sex with their real partner, because it cannot live up to the fantasy on the screen.[iv] Porn not only breeds insecurity, selfishness, and a lack of trust, but it also actually decreases your ability to enjoy your partner.

4) Cut porn because it harms sex trafficking victims

Not everyone who is performing in porn videos is a willing participant. Many performers in porn would meet the definition of a sex trafficking victim. Fraud, deception, threat or use of force, coercion, and abuse of power or vulnerability frequently takes place during filming on porn sets. In addition to this, many sex traffickers intentionally make porn of their victims in order to diversify their profits and to advertise.[v] Do you really want to risk the fact that you could be watching the sexual abuse of a sex trafficking victim for pleasure? One of the best ways you can take action against sex trafficking right now is to refuse to feed the porn industry through views or purchases.

5) Cut porn because it harms society

None of our actions are in a vacuum. While most people think watching porn is a private act, there are actually many ways that it has broader social implications. Watching pornography, even the free videos, perpetuates the porn industry and the sex trafficking that occurs within it. In addition to this, pornography use is linked to increases in acceptance of sexual violence. Research shows that adult exposure to pornographic media is associated with believing a rape victim enjoys rape, increased acceptance of violence against women, and increased likelihood of sexually abusing children. While not every porn user is going to abuse someone, by watching pornography this culture of sexual harm is sustained and promoted.

6) Cut porn because it’s possible!

Leaving pornography behind does not have to be a failed resolution this year. Countless of individuals, male and female, have recovered from porn use and its negative effects. The first step is to admit that pornography is harmful¦and then the path to healing can begin. Click To Tweet Nobody is alone in this journey. There are several resources on the National Center on Sexual Exploitation’s website which can help those who are struggling with pornography, those who have a partner or spouse who struggles with pornography, and even parents who want to protect their children from pornography. All of the tools necessary are available to make this the best year yet to go porn free.

[i] Valerie Voon, Thomas B. Mole, et all. PLOS ONE (Vol. 9, Iss. 7) 2014.

[ii] Hilton, D. L. (2013). Pornography Addiction: A Supranormal Stimulus Considered in the Context of Neuroplasticity. Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology 3:20767; Georgiadis, J. R. (2006). Regional Cerebral Blood Flow Changes Associated with Clitorally Induced Orgasm in Healthy Women. European Journal of Neuroscience 24, 11: 3305-3316.

[iii] Kahn, Simone, and Jargen Gallinat. Brain Structure and Functional Connectivity

Associated With Pornography Consumption. JAMA Psychiatry. (2014)

[iv] Chyng Sun, Ana Bridges, Jennifer Johnason, Matt Ezzell. Pornography and the Male Sexual Script: An Analysis of Consumption and Sexual Relations. Online: Dec 2014.

[v] http://stoptraffickingdemand.com/facts/

Find out more and see what you can do to help stop sexual exploitation. Be a part of the movement: To Defend Dignity. Read more from the National Center on Sexual Exploitation on their blog. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube.

And check out our free eBook for more information about how to overcome the destructive addiction to pornography.

Why You Should Think Twice Before You “Netflix & Chill”

Why “Netflix & chill” sells us short…

Guest blog written by Carson Case, a young guy who is faithfully pursuing God. He believes that every person matters. “You just need to take the time to listen and understand where they’re coming from.”

This phrase, “Netflix & chill” has become the one-liner for the past couple years. Lately, it’s the late night text or tweet that you’ll get from someone who doesn’t want you, they just want something from you. Now before I dive in, I’m not trying to call someone out. I just want our generation to realize what we are missing out on. We weren’t made for this. The phrase “Netflix & chill” is so much deeper than just those words. It signifies settling for something “average,” taking the easy way out, being cheap, and lacking confidence and respect. These days, most guys get away with using this phrase to lure a girl into an uncomfortable situation. Hey, I’m just being real. It’s the truth, but it’s an evil truth. God didn’t create a young man to pursue and “love” in a way that defies Himself or cheapens the worth of a young girl. Pursuit was meant to be true and right.

A first date or first text that says, “Netflix & chill?” isn’t a real first date people. [Tweet This!]. We were meant for more.

I realize that not everyone who begins texting and talking will end up seriously dating, but if you begin any sort of “relationship idea” with this phrase, chances are that’s all it’s going to be. I want ladies to listen up on that. I’ve made crucial mistakes in my past, been in positions that defy God, yet as a young man, that’s why I’ve learned the importance of seizing God’s best. The world pushes us to be cheap and lazy, instead of taking a girl out on a date. Simply put, Netflix in your bedroom isn’t a date. Let’s be honest. I believe as a generation of young men that it is time to kill this “cheap” vibe, and pursue in a respectful manner. Ladies, don’t fall for tricks. As men, we are tricky. We have this thing called the sinful nature in us. This nature (“beastly” for lack of a better word) wants to take over at times and misuse you. As real men, we seek God and His ways so as to lead you rightly and respectfully. Men, let’s lead like this.

Don’t live for less than what God is calling you to. [Tweet This!]

Picture it this way: “Netflix & chill” is like a ring you get out of a vending machine at the store. It’s plastic, cool at first site, then hours later you throw it away because it is cheap and truly sucks. Am I dogging on Netflix? No, I freaking love Netflix, it’s just the symbolism here.

On the other hand, going out on a real date, talking in person and not texting, that’s like a real diamond. It’s the real deal. It’s not cheap, and at the end of the day, we will all take a diamond ring over a plastic ring (unless you’re just real dumb). The point I want to make clear is that sitting down and having some popcorn while turning on some Netflix is not a bad thing. It’s just not first date status, probably not the next couple dates either (tips for you guys). It’s not the real deal.

Ladies, if that’s the first text you get when he wants to hang out, RUN. It’s not the real thing.

Get to know someone through real communication and real time spent together. [Tweet this!]

Our world lacks that don’t you think? Everyone has to be on their cell phone at all times, and dates aren’t even a thing. I believe we can change that if we focus on what’s true, not what is easy. Genuine time together doesn’t happen when you lock yourself in a room together. We all know what happens in that situation, and truth is…building a relationship on the physical will not last…EVER. Don’t test it. I promise God won’t lie to you. Let’s not be sucked into the culture our generation has produced. I love this generation, but I want to see growth and change..I’m sure you do too. You only settle for the plastic ring when you choose “Netflix & chill.” It won’t produce good results, and God surely has something better for you.

Three final things to remember:

Netflix is cool, just make sure you don’t abuse it just to get in bed with someone.
We need more authentic men. Pursue a girl’s heart with real love and communication.
Don’t fall for the cheap stuff ladies. I’m not talking about money because you don’t have to have an expensive date to show some love (I’m a broke college student). I’m saying, don’t give into an immature guy’s tricks. It isn’t worth it.

Thanks for reading. Don’t settle for the cheap stuff.

Carson Case

Read more from Carson at his blog: Live Fearlessly. And follow Carson on Instagram and Twitter.

Abusive Dating Relationships – Fix or Flee?

by Dawson McAllister

Abuse is not Love.

FACT: 1 in 3 teens know a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner. That adds up to over 2 million women 25 and younger who are being abused by their boyfriends. One female abused by her boyfriend is too many. Two million is a tragedy.

But why? Why does this happen? Why are there so many young women who allow themselves to be abused? I asked you to help me by sending in your comments. What you had to say helped me understand so much better why this tragedy happens. So let’s get on with it.

1 in 3 teens know a friend who has been physically hurt by their partner. #teendatingviolence Click To Tweet

Many abused girls stay in an abusive relationship because their abuser is often charming, persuasive, and manipulative. It’s not like an abusive guy walks around with a big Atattooed on his forehead saying, Hey everybody. Look at me. I’m an abuser.No. He looks just like anybody else, and often has a very charming way about him. That is why so many people cannot believe he’s abusive. At the beginning of the relationship, everything seems so wonderful. The romance goes into a whirlwind, full of excitement and attention and gifts at unexpected times. Mr. Charming talks much about love and quickly tells his new girlfriend she is the one for him and he is truly in love with her. Usually, the girl has never met someone so amazing. But what she does not understand is right beneath the veneer of charm and charisma is an angry, controlling, cruel, troubled young man who is about to put her through hell. Sooner or later, his true colors show through. Little by little he turns on her. First in little ways: The put-downs, the jealousy, the controlling of her every move. While this relationship may still be exciting to her, it soon escalates into something ugly, degrading, and heartbreaking. Nobody deserves to be treated like this, not even from Mr. Charming. It took Bekka quite a while to figure all this out:

I was with an emotionally and mentally abusive guy for about a year. I stayed with him because he was a smooth talker and very manipulative. I didn’t see it then until the very end. Now I see everything clearly.

Behind every abused teenage girl is the debilitating condition of low self-esteem. Almost every girl who is being abused is basically set up psychologically for it to happen. She often feels so low and unwanted that as long as some guy says he loves her, she will put up with almost anything. She is convinced she does not deserve and will never get a guy any better than the one who is treating her so poorly. Sarah has been there

Girls go after abusive and uncaring guys because they don’t think that they deserve any better and/or that they could get any better. Any kind of attention is better than no attention. That’s what I thought anyway. A slap across the face from time to time was better than drowning in a room all alone. A few harsh words from a guy who sometimes did love me could be brushed off…when compared to the mouthful of obscenities that would flow from the mouth of my Father.

If you are being abused by your boyfriend, you are suffering from low self-esteem. Your troubled boyfriend wants you to stay that way. But do you really want to stay stuck in that cruel, emotional mud? If not, ask yourself, What must I do to respect myself enough to get away from him?
Most teenage girls who are abused by their boyfriend think it’s normal, all just part of their lives. No one deserves to be put down, shoved, hit, controlled, or pressured to have sex. Everyone deserves love and respect as God’s children. The only problem is most girls who allow their boyfriends to abuse them don’t know that. Because of their dysfunctional family, what is abnormal to everyone else is perfectly normal to them. Jessica nailed it when she wrote,

My last relationship was abusive. I gave in because it was what I grew up with. My mother’s boyfriend beat her while I was growing up, they were constantly arguing. Then she started hitting me and calling me names. I grew up thinking that was what a relationship was.

Is it any wonder why so many abused girls get caught up in sabotaging healthy dating relationships. Let’s suppose for a moment a girl who is being hurt by her cruel boyfriend breaks up with him. She then starts dating someone who is kind, loving, and stable. Often, it doesn’t take long for her to break off the relationship. Why? A stable relationship is just so foreign to her. There’s not enough drama or an adrenaline rush with her new boyfriend. So often she will go back to another hurtful guy. Deb explains this powerful trap so well:

The abusive man and his behaviors is what they have come to know as normal. Therefore when a normal and nice guy comes along, bells and warning signs go off inside them. Something is not right with this guy. They can become untrusting, because they do not know what his motives may be. Many times the abusive father says directly or indirectly that nice caring men are wimps. What girl could feel safe with a wimp? Yes safe. Abused girls feel safe with these abusers, believe it or not. The reverse would hold true for a girl who was bought up in a healthy home. Bells and [warning signs] would go off in her head and soul if she went out with an abusive guy, and she would be very distrusting of him
It is easy for the abused girl to think she is in love with her abuser, when in fact she’s not. What is so loving about being slapped, shoved, cursed, raped, and humiliated? That’s not love. No matter what her feelings say, she is not in love, she just feels she is. When you are lost or have a low self esteem, your view of love is distorted. (Tiffany) Why would she feel like she’s in love, even when she’s being abused? Well, in her heart, at least she’s not alone. She has a guy and he pays her attention, even as cruel as he may be. She is trying very hard in this ugly dating drama to help him and rescue him and that makes her feel better about herself. She doesn’t know what he’s going to do next, so she’s always on edge, obsessing over what he might do. She thinks it’s exciting he is suffocatingly jealous of her. She simply does not understand in her warped way of feeling that what she is experiencing is not love. True love shows kindness, respect, understanding, and wants to protect the partner from as much hurt as possible. Sadly, many abused girls don’t get it. They truly feel they are in love. How sad.

When you are lost or have a low self esteem, your view of love is distorted. #teendatingviolence Click To Tweet

Conclusion

There are many other reasons why girls are abused by their boyfriends. But hopefully this blog will help you get started in understanding why. If you are in an abusive relationship, I beg you to get out of it now. Take some time away from guys. Get to know yourself. Spend time with God. Heal up. And vow never to date an abusive guy again. You’re so much better than that.
Your friend,
Dawson McAllister

Has your abusive dating relationship left you feeling worthless and all alone? Download our eBook for ways to build up your self-worth and love yourself.

PTSD What is it and do I have it?

by Dawson McAllister

Have you ever wondered, “What is PTSD?”

And maybe you have asked yourself, “Do I have it?” On my radio show I so often hear these types of statements:

“I keep re-living the time I was raped.”

“I don’t feel anything anymore, I have no emotions. I’m just numb after all the abuse I went through.”

“I’m constantly on-edge. I can’t ever let my guard down ever since I was in that horrific car accident.”

These are just a few of the different faces of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
PTSD is often associated with those who serve in the military and rightfully so. Since 2002 over 100,000 military members have been diagnosed with PTSD. But PTSD can effect anyone who has gone through a terrifying experience that involved physical harm or the threat of physical harm. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is the pain of re-living the trauma over and over.

Since I hear the symptoms of PTSD discussed quite frequently on my radio show, I felt it would be very worthwhile to talk about this disorder today. As with everything knowledge is power and understanding is half the battle. If you have faced a traumatic experience here is what I want you to know:

Not everyone who goes through a dangerous experience will get PTSD. Don’t assume that just because something traumatic happened that you are destined to get PTSD. This is not the case.
However, if you have disturbing thoughts or feelings for more than a month after a traumatic experience, please seek help. This is NOT a sign of weakness, you are NOT expected to just get over it. What you are experiencing IS REAL and needs to be dealt with.
One factor to reducing the risk of getting PTSD is to immediately get support after a terrifying event (rape, abuse, accident, tornado, flood, war, etc.). Talk about it, join a support group, be open about how you feel. This has proven to be an important step.
Here are some signs you should see a doctor:
- You are having trouble getting your world under control.
- You are still having flashbacks or bad dreams.
- You are stressed or frightened when you are no longer in danger.
- You are avoiding normal life and losing interest in things you loved.
- You are emotionally numb.
- You have difficulty sleeping.
- You are thinking suicidal thoughts.
There are treatments available…Therapy, Support Groups, Medication.
There is HOPE. With time and treatment you can overcome PTSD.
God is with you in the journey. He says, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”

Now, if you know someone who has experienced a terrifying event, the role YOU play in supporting them will be key. So I’d like to offer the “support people” some advice as well:

Be patient. It can be difficult for the person experiencing PTSD to express what they are feeling and it can make them uncomfortable to talk about it.
NEVER assume or tell them, “It’s all in your head.” or “You can just get over it.” or “Only veterans get PTSD.”
It is never too late for them to seek treatment. Even if the traumatic event occurred over a year ago or more, treatment is still important and effective.
Honor their struggle to make peace with the event and don’t rush it.
Since their perspective is driven by fear, they are not always logical keep reaching out. Keep encouraging.

ALWAYS remember there is HOPE. Here are a number of resources to support you in your journey:

Learn more about PTSD, by downloading your free eBook.

You are not alone.This video is about a girl I talked with on my radio show. She was struggling with PTSD from a traumatic event in her life.

Sex and Father Hunger

by Dawson McAllister

Sex and Father Hunger

I’ve been thinking a lot about why girls give in to guys. It’s almost at epidemic proportions. I am saddened when I hear about so many girls who thought they were in love become devastated by giving in to guys when it wasn’t love at all. So why do girls give in to guys?

There are several reasons why. I’d like to talk about one few people think about Father Hunger.

Father Hunger is a deep longing that comes into our lives when there is little or no closeness between us and our fathers. This longing causes us to crave a father figure to fill that role.

What does Father Hunger have to do with girls giving in to guys? Leah, in her comment, answers that question:

Girls who have poor relationships with their fathers easily give into sex because they are looking for something or someone to fill the void their father has left.

Few of us have any idea the impact fathers play in our lives, for good or for bad. We are emotionally hardwired to be loved and accepted by our dads. I was blessed with a great father who loved and accepted me. When he died, I was devastated. I still miss him greatly and think about him everyday. He made a profound impact on my life. One thing fathers are designed to do is be a role model on how to relate to the opposite sex.

As Derek said,

Women who don’t have good relationships with their fathers never get to see how a man should treat women, and especially the woman he loves. Without this basis for how a relationship should go, they are lost and confused.

Maybe your father failed to be a role model in your life and never taught you how to relate to the opposite sex. Without his example and encouragement, you could easily be confused and vulnerable to some guys who only want to use you. Father hunger can easily cause an intense craving in you to be accepted and loved by a father figure. It’s easy to confuse that craving with what you feel is love. Sex without love and commitment (marriage) never meets needs, it only uncovers them. A guy named Michael wrote one of the most insightful thoughts I have read in a long time:

Since some girls never got the right attention from their fathers they want to get the wrong attention from their boyfriend.

King Solomon, whose been called the wisest man in the Bible, said this:

When you’re hungry, even what taste bitter taste good.

Sex without commitment will never solve your Father Hunger. In fact, it will only make matters much worse. Father Hunger is so deep it can only be filled a lot of work and the grace of God. Let’s face it, if you are a female, you are under tremendous pressure to have sex without commitment (marriage). For example, there is your own natural and healthy emotional and sexual attraction to guys. Then the culture glamorizes it and tells you it’s okay. Also, there is a lie at your school which says, Sex is love. So if you think you are in love, it’s only normal to have sex. Plus, at one time or another, you will probably be pressured by a guy to give in. Finally, there’s the incredible emotional cravings of father hunger that causes you to long even more for to fill your need (good or bad). That makes you more susceptible to destructive sex. That’s a lot of pressure. As Kendra put it

When a girl is hurt in life by her father the daughter will search the rest of her life for love from a man. She needs a strong male figure in her life, but without a dad to show her what a real man is, she will fall for any trick of the trade.

That doesn’t mean you have to, or will. Some girls have great relationships with their fathers and still give in to guys. Others have very poor, or no relationships with their fathers and never give in. So how do you stay strong? Someone once said, If you want to be happy, know yourself and know your God. As you understand yourself better, it will be easier for you to protect yourself not only from some guy who may want to use you, but also from your own weaknesses.

I am totally in your corner. That’s why I’ve told you the truth. We all need to understand ourselves better, and together face difficult issues like Father Hunger. Check out my blog on “How to Deal with Father Hunger”

Your friend,
Dawson

Why Wait For Sex?

by Dawson McAllister

WHY WAIT FOR SEX?

I am writing this blog today for the teens and young adults out there who actually think it might be worthwhile to wait until they are married to have sex. Not an easy decision to make. One that may have caused you to be ridiculed or broken up with or question your own sanity.

But let me encourage you that you are NOT alone. I believe that there are actually many teens and young adults who are making the decision to wait until they are married to have sex. If this is a choice you are making, I simply want to provide you with a little support to stay the course.

But let me encourage you that you are NOT alone.

I am aware that many others of you may be thinking, “Great another out-of-touch blog that is going to tell me to wait to have sex until I’m married. Anyone who would even suggest that is old-fashioned and backwards. I mean, if everyone is having sex (and everyone is), it must be just fine and totally worth it. It’s only ‘really religious’ kids who feel guilty about having sex that would actually wait.”

If that’s what you are thinking, you are free to stop reading because below I am going to give 10 reasons why it might actually be worth it to wait. Not passing judgement on anyone, just thinking it through. If you are a bit curious what reasons I might have come up with, keep reading.

For those of you who believe that saving sex for marriage may have some value, have you ever struggled to explain your choice to those who question you? Here’s some of my thoughts on the subject.

FIRST, I would point out to anyone who is judging you for making a personal choice to wait until marriage that they are completely closed-minded. They might consider themselves open-minded to the ways of the world, but in reality they are only open-minded to people who think like they do and closed-minded to someone who might be making different choices for themselves and their body.

Then you could give them one or more of these reasons…

10 reasons why you CHOOSE to WAIT:

1. I live without fear of getting a Sexually Transmitted Disease. Did you know that there are 30 different diseases you can get from your sexual partner? Diseases that lead to cancer, infertility when you are older, and just plain gross stuff you need to deal with for the REST of your life. NO THANKS! Read more about STD’s here.

2. I don’t have to worry about becoming a parent before I’m ready.

3. I can live without regret from bad choices, or ‘in-the-moment’ decisions because I set a standard for myself ahead of time and was prepared to stick with it.

4. I have a high view of my body and I believe that what I choose to do with it matters.

5. I believe sex is an act of COMPLETELY giving yourself to someone, and that is something I want to save for my future spouse.

6. I believe God designed sex for marriage for a reason. He says that when people have sex they become one body and I only want to become one with one person. He designed sex to be fun, but tells us to keep it within marriage because He knows that will protect us. Click here to read more of what God says about sex.

7. I want my future marriage to succeed. Statistics show that those who save sex for marriage are more likely to succeed in marriage. It stands to reason that those who have always been sexually self-indulgent and have no practice in self-restraint will have a tougher time staying faithful.

8. I’m saving myself from extreme heart-break and emotional baggage because sex builds a deep emotional bond with someone. So when a break-up occurs it is doubly painful. Read more about this in my other blog, “A Condom for the Heart”.

9. By not rushing into sex, I have the time to really get to know the person I’m dating and build a relationship on more than physical intimacy because sex alone is never enough to hold a relationship together.

10. I know that real love will wait to have sex and I don’t want to confuse sex for love and end up having my self-esteem beat up when the relationship ends.

Any one of these 10 reasons might be a sufficient enough explanation for why you have chosen to wait, but altogether they seem to form a pretty convincing argument that there may be value in waiting.

If you have already had sex and are thinking this blog is of no use to you, I want you to know that it’s NEVER too late to make a commitment to save sex for marriage from this point forward.

If you want more reasons to save sex for marriage here’s an entire site with videos, articles, eBooks, radio calls, and more!

Sexual Assault

I was raped while taking the garbage out, right outside of my own house. I never saw who, but I’m hoping he will be caught soon. I came to TheHopeLine because I was feeling alone and overwhelmed with everything. Despite the support from my family and friends, I felt like I needed more.

So we talked for a while and I was given many resources which I will be taking, and then I was shown how God can help me heal.

Tonight, I found God. I know he will always be there for me, and I also know that TheHopeLine will be too.

So a HUGE thank you to the lady who helped me tonight, whoever you are. You’ve helped push me in the right direction and I’ll forever be grateful.

Thank you.
Jade

If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence, it’s not your fault. You are not alone. Help is available 24/7 through the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE and online.rainn.org.

Are you concerned about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? Learn more about it by downloading your free eBook.

STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Diseases)

by Dawson McAllister

Young people aged 15 to 24 years acquire half of all new STDs and 1 in 4 sexually active adolescent females have an STD. Sexually active adolescents aged 15 to 19 years and young adults aged 20 to 24 years are at higher risk of acquiring STD’s (according to Center for Disease Control)

The statistics are just that – statistics. They don’t really tell the story of how awful an STD can be. I received a call on my radio show, Dawson McAllister Live. He told me his story – he and his friend went to Vegas one weekend to party. One night at a party, he got really drunk and had unprotected sex with a stranger. When he got home, he realized he had contracted genital herpes. Once you get herpes, you have it for life. IT is not curable. He said to me, “I always thought what happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas.” I said to him, “Not an STD. They will follow you everywhere.”

I received a really wise comment from a caller. Megan told me, “I think a lot of people walk around and they might have an STD, but they don’t know because they haven’t been tested. That’s the danger of it because It’s not an open thing for everybody. In a way I’m scared to have sex because I’m scared of getting an STD. I have been warned from my parents about it and I’ve read books about it. It’s always possible, even if you are being careful, to get pregnant or get an STD. The best thing is to not have sex, but we all know many teenagers are having sex. So the best thing is to have protection and try to find out about your partner’s sexual history as much as possible. Be in the know-it will benefit you in the long run.” Megan is wisely cautious and she realizes nothing outside of abstinence is a sure fire way to be protected from STDs.

And STD’s do not discriminate. EVERYONE can get them. Here is a true story:

“I was diagnosed with genital herpes about a year ago. I am only 20 now. I never would have in my life thought this could happen to me. It has changed my entire life forever. I no longer can date as I used to, or even at the most best relationships, be as intimate as I used to could be.

This is a VERY common disease and most people do not know the facts about it. 1 out of 5 people are said to have genital herpes. And 70% of people who contract this disease, get it from a partner who has absolutely NO SIGNS of it…and as with any std, it only takes one time to catch one.
There are so many people who are ignorant of STDs. Their ignorance puts them in true danger. That is why I want to talk to you about STDs, so you can be protected from something that could ruin your life.

The best way to think about STDs is to view them as one of your worst enemy. STDs don’t care whether you are rich, poor, black, white, educated, uneducated, male, or female. It just wants to spread its cruel wings on as many people as possible. One reason STDs seem to be winning the war on teenagers and young adults (with more victims everyday) is sheer ignorance. Few people really know who this enemy is and what to do about it. The ONLY way to avoid STDs is to not have vaginal, anal, or oral sex. So let’s get real and talk about STDs. Here is a partial list of some of the STDs that could attack you:

Bacterial Vaginosis is an infection caused when too much of a certain bacteria changes the normal balance of bacteria in the vagina. Pregnant women with BV are more likely to have babies who are born premature (early) or with low birth weight than women who do not have BV while pregnant.
Chancroid is a painful genital ulcer and in advanced cases, scarring can result.
Chlamydia can infect both men and women. It can cause serious, permanent damage to a woman’s reproductive system, making it difficult or impossible for her to get pregnant later on. Chlamydia can also cause a potentially fatal ectopic pregnancy.
Crabs are parasites or bugs that live on the pubic hair and cause itching.
Gonorrhea can infect both men and women. It can cause infections in the genitals, rectum, and throat. It is a very common infection, especially among young people ages 15-24 years. A pregnant woman with gonorrhea can give the infection to her baby during childbirth.
Hepatitis is an incurable disease that affects the liver. Viral hepatitis is the leading cause of liver cancer.
Herpes is a recurrent incurable skin condition. Sores usually appear as one or more blisters on or around the genitals, rectum or mouth. The blisters break and leave painful sores that may take weeks to heal. These symptoms are sometimes called having an outbreak.The first time someone has an outbreak they may also have flu-like symptoms such as fever, body aches, or swollen glands. When the sores come into contact with the mouth, vagina, or rectum during sex, they increase the risk of giving or getting HIV if you or your partner has HIV.
Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is an incurable virus which causes the immune system to fail.
Human Papillomavirus/Genital Warts is an incurable virus that affects the skin in the genital area, as well as a female’s cervix. HPV can cause cervical and other cancers.
Molluscum Contagiosum is a skin disease usually causing lesions or bumps.
Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID) is an infection of a woman’s reproductive organs. It can cause formation of scar tissue both outside and inside the fallopian tubes, infertility (inability to get pregnant) and long-term pelvic/abdominal pain.
Scabies is an infestation of the skin by a microscopic mite.
Syphilis is a bacterial infection that can spread throughout the body and affect the heart, brain, and nerves.

It’s easy to think it won’t happen to you. But just one true life story makes these STDs jump off the page and right into our lives. Like this one, I was diagnosed with HPV also known as genital warts. I have to go in every two or three weeks and have them burned off at the doctor. It’s painful, and believe me if I could do it over again and wait I would wait until I’m married to have sex. People need to realize that you don’t know your partner’s sexual past, it just takes one time to catch it. And even using protection still doesn’t guarantee you from being protected from std’s. Once you get an std the virus stays with you for the rest of your life.(Andrew)

There’s an old saying that says, Ignorance is bliss.When it comes to STDs, ignorance is your enemy. and there is only one enemy bigger than that and that is the actual sexually transmitted disease. We need to say to ourselves over and over again, STDs are my enemy and they can be deadly. What must I do to protect myself?Remember, the ONLY way to avoid STDs is to not have vaginal, anal, or oral sex.

There is no shield to protect you simply because you are young. In fact, sexually active adolescents aged 1519 years and young adults aged 2024 years are at higher risk of acquiring STDs for a combination of behavioral, biological, and cultural reasons. Being young is a wonderful experience. It gives you strength, energy, and a sense of invincibility. It will not however protect you from STDs. Another caller told me, The first time I ever had sex, I ended up getting an STD. I was aware halfway through our relationship that my ex (and first sex partner) had herpes, but took on the famous It could never happen to ME’ attitude. A year and a half later, I was diagnosed with genital herpes. It’s no fun. I have to tell any future partner about it before things get serious, and have to live with the bad choices I made in the past. IT WILL ALWAYS HAUNT ME. Don’t think you will never get it…play it safe, in the end you’ll be happier because you educated yourself and took the precautions you needed to take to ensure your safety from STDs.(Jen)
STDs are an enemy lurking at your door, silent, cunning, and very patient. This enemy is waiting for you to make a wrong move so it can attack. And when it does, it claims its victims for life.

(Video) Sexual Abuse: Talleha’s Story

Talleha had been sexually abused and as a result, was depressed and ready to kill herself…then she found TheHopeLine® with Dawson McAllister.

Here is Talleha’s story:

More Stories of Abuse Survivors:
Abbie’s Story of Sexual Abuse
How Patrick Found Hope

1 in 4 girls are sexually abused by the age of 18

1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by the age of 18

90% of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator in some way

68% are abused by a family member

If you see any signs of abuse in someone you know, or if you yourself are abused get help right away. The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is a 24-hour hotline with resources to aid in every child abuse situation. All calls are anonymous and confidential. Call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) for help.

If you have been sexually abused or are a survivor of sexual abuse TheHopeLine® has an eBook for you.

Worst. Party. Ever.

by Dawson McAllister

Paul wrote: I was at a party once that was going great. Everyone was having a great time. Sure, there was some drinking, but I didn’t realize the neighbors had called the cops. Everybody ran, and people got trampled over trying to get away. I broke my arm falling over the couch. And my dad had to come get me from the police station. It was a nightmare.

Does this sound like the WORST PARTY EVER?

It’s that time of yearparty-time!

While I know there are plenty of reasons to hold parties all throughout the year, spring seems to bring with it even more reasons to get together.

The stay-out-all-night after-prom party. The we-finally-did-it graduation party. The weather-is-finally-nice beach/backyard/backroad party. The see-you-next-school-year college bash. You know what I’m talking about.

And, while these parties are meant to be celebrations, they can often get out of control and end disastrously. In fact, you could end up at the worst party ever.

I don’t want to be a downer, but I’ve heard too many stories on my radio show over the years from people who were taken advantage of at a party, or teens who lost a friend because of drunk-driving, or someone who ended up arrested because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time.

So let’s just talk about how to be smart at a party. How to have fun, and not be dumb!

Let’s set the sceneYou get to the party with your friend and everyone seems to be having fun. But after a while, you start to get the feeling that something isn’t quite right. For one thing, you notice people are bringing more and more alcohol to the party. You also notice people are starting to get really drunk or high. You even see people slipping away in couples, or even threesomes, heading to a back bedroom. You know nothing really good happens in the back bedroom. A thought flashes through your mind: drugs, alcohol, and a lot of people = trouble.

What are some signs of a party that you need to leave?

If there are a lot of people showing up you don’t know especially if they are bringing alcohol when they come
Rival gang members are there or fights are breaking out.
Couples are sneaking off upstairs or downstairs.
People are so wasted they are passing out.
The party is not well lit.
You can’t help but notice weird smells.
It’s so loud you know the neighbors are going to call the cops.
If you can imagine people being surprised if they were to hear you were at this party.
Your instincts are telling you to leave. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

It’s important to always have a plan as to what you’ll do if the party turns into a bad situation.

Here are some ways to protect yourself from getting trapped at a destructive party or at the “Worst Party Ever”:

Check out who’s going to the party a little research beforehand may save you a lot of grief later. Again follow your instincts. If there’s a concern, just don’t go. Why take a chance?
Don’t go to a party alone it’s usually best to go with two or three others just in case one person might want to stay.
Know your boundaries what you will and won’t do before you get to a party and stick within those limits. You are cool enough to withstand peer pressure.
Talk with a friend or your parents ahead of time, and ask if you can call and have them pick you up if you need to get away.
NEVER drive with someone who has been drinking.
Make sure your phone is charged if you need to call someone or a cab.
Go to TheHopeLine Get Help page to download our mobile app, so that you can talk with a HopeCoach anytime, anywhere, 24/7.
Don’t be afraid or ashamed to call your parents or a trusted adult someone who cares about your safety. They’ll forgive any mistakes you have made.
Don’t be afraid to leave the party immediately walking or running, if need be.
Be aware of your location, which streets are nearby, and what’s a landmark you could head to if you needed to get away.
Don’t worry about what other people think about you if they see you leaving. Some people’s lives have been all but ruined at a bad party.

I get the whole YOLO thing. And I know that according to Snoop Dog this is the time to be young and wild and free! I just want you to also be smart and safe and strong because I’ve seen first-hand that doing something in the momentcan have consequences that last a lifetime.

And if you see a friend in trouble at a party, check out our guest blog about 4 Ways to Keep Friends Safe.

Lastly, here are some things your peers told us about their party experiences:

Jenni wrote: I just don’t go to the parties where I know there will be drugs. And when there are, I get one of my friends to leave with me, and we do something else.

Trisha agreed with Jenni: I completely avoid the situation. But if I was there, I know better than to do that stuff. Usually I end up leaving.

Sounds like Jenni and Trisha have a good plan. Talk to your friends and create your own plan for surviving the Worst Party Ever.

God Forgives

I had a struggle for a long time but at the very moment I’m typing this I know I’m free in Jesus Name.

Before, I always thought that God was getting tired of forgiving me because I always fail him and I would always do that sin over and over again. It’s a kind of sexual sin, I’m still a virgin but I did this pillow sexual fantasy thing. I asked God so many times to give me chance but I always failed, I always fell into temptation.

One time I was so anxious because I fell to it again, I know God forgives but sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve any of it, so I decided to search for a Christian counseling or line. I haven’t told anyone about my struggle until I joined here at TheHopeLine.com. There was a HopeCoach who talked to me right away, I confessed everything about that sexual sin. I’m glad they don’t judge people who are seeking help. I was reminded that God’s love and forgiveness for us never fails, even if we fail so many times.

Right now, I will pray harder and I will always have that verse with me -Philippians 4:6-8 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.”

So whenever the enemy tries to attack my weakness I can overcome in Jesus Name! I’m blessed that I found this site, it really helps a lot.

I hope that like me, whenever you have a struggle like this I hope you will always think that God loves us and forgives us. I’m starting my new life today, forgetting all those bad things and look forward to God’s best plan for me.

God bless everyone!

-Alexandra

If you have something you are struggling with and want a place free of judgement to get help, please chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine. Click HERE!

Forgiveness can release you from the insane grip of the past. For more information on how to forgive and why it’s so important for you to forgive, download TheHopeLine’s free eBook.

Sexual Assault: 15 Tips to Protect Yourself

by Dawson McAllister

Let me be real clear from the beginning of this post if you have been sexually assaulted, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. PERIOD. No matter what you did or did not do the choice was 100% the decision of the perpetrator. They could have chosen to not violate you, but they did not make that choice, so it is THEIR fault and only theirs.

Now with that said, I want to offer you some tips that can perhaps help protect you from being a victim of sexual assault, but I want you to understand that even if you follow all these steps or if you slip up on one of them, and you experience a sexual assault, it still is not your fault. These tips are simply meant to help make you more aware and lessen your chances.

15 Tips for Protecting Yourself from Sexual Assault

Trust your instincts. If your gut is telling you that you should not be alone with someone, leave. If you feel the party you are at is getting a little too out of control, get out. If you are starting to get creeped out by how someone is looking at you or what they are saying to you, call a cab or find a friend.
Be prepared. Before you go out make sure your phone is fully charged, carry some cash, and have the number of a cab company programmed in your phone.
Don’t share too much on-line about what your plans are. 61% of attackers are known by the victim.

If you have been sexually assaulted, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. PERIOD. No matter what you did or didn’t dothe choice was 100% the decision of the perpetrator. They could have chosen to not violate you, but they did not make that choice, so it is THEIR fault and only theirs.

At a Party

Stick together with your friends or let them know where you are going. It does not hurt to have code words to alert a friend if you are getting uncomfortable.
Be aware of your alcohol consumption. My first recommendation is don’t drink especially if you are under age. But if you are going to have a drink, know your limits. There is no disputing the fact that alcohol compromises your ability to make responsible decisions and be accurately aware of your situation. Over half of sexual assaults among college students involve alcohol.
If you do have a drink, don’t let it out of your site. You never know when someone might slip something into your drink. If you leave it unattended, get a new drink. Never accept a drink from someone you don’t know.
Be ready to speak up to help someone out. If a situation seems wrong, step up. Find others to support you and then offer some distraction to rescue a friend or peer from a questionable situation.

When Walking Alone

Keep your eyes scanning – Stay alert and pay attention to your surroundings.
Keep your ears listening – Don’t have earphones in
Keep your feet moving – Walk with a purpose
Choose a smart route – Try to stick to well-traveled areas even if it is not the most direct path

On a Date

Tell a friend where you are going
Don’t compromise your standards – Set your boundaries and be firm. I don’t want tois a good enough reason.
Understand that consent to sexual activity can be withdrawn at any time.
If your date is making you uncomfortable – call a friend and use a code word, or, if you can, make an excuse and leave.

Since 1993, sexual assaults have declined by 60%. So it is possible that by raising awareness and taking precautions, we can keep lowering the number of incidents.

If you are a survivor of a sexual assault, please take care of yourself and know that there is help for you.

Here are some resources for you:

Sexual Abuse and Assault Resources – The following are trusted resources from TheHopeLine® and our partners to help survivors of sexual assault and their loved ones.

RAINN – Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization.

Also, check out our eBook, which includes the types and warning signs of sexual assault and the steps to take if you have been sexually assaulted.

Suicide

All my life, I’ve never good enough for anyone. My half-brother raped me and made me sleep with him.

When everything is going wrong, I can talk to someone HERE at TheHopeLine and I don’t feel alone.

I’ve tried to kill myself three times in the past six months but TheHopeLine has helped me. Thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me hope again!

-Indira

If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please:

Chat with TheHopeLine here
Call TheHopeLine at 1-800-394-4673
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
Visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org

4 Ways to Keep Your Friends Safe

April is National Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month (#SAAPM).

That’s why this month, RAINN, a partner of TheHopeLine, is highlighting the important role that friends play in keeping each other safe. It’s about stepping up and showing you “C.A.R.E.” You have the ability to make a difference by intervening in a way that fits the situation and your comfort level.

If you find yourself in a situation where someone looks uncomfortable or something doesn’t seem right, consider one of the following ways to step in:

Create a distraction.Do what you can to interrupt the situation. A distraction can give the person at risk a chance to get to a safe place.
Ask directly. If you see someone who looks uncomfortable or is at risk, intervene and talk to the person who might be in trouble. If you feel safe, find a way to de-escalate the situation and separate all parties involved.
Refer to an authority. Keeping your friends safe doesn’t have to fall entirely on you alone. Sometimes the safest way to intervene is to refer to a neutral party with the authority to change the situation, like a college resident advisor or security guard.
Enlist others. It can be intimidating to approach a situation alone. Enlist another person to support you. There is safety in numbers.

If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence, it’s not your fault. You are not alone. Help is available 24/7 through the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-HOPE and online.rainn.org.

You can also chat with a HopeCoach at TheHopeLine or download TheHopeLine’s eBook called: Understanding Sexual Abuse.

50 Shades of…Stay Away

A guest blog post by: Dave Anderson, Director of Rescue at TheHopeLine.

There has been much anticipation around the recently released (February 14, 2015) movie entitled 50 Shades of Grey. Some say it is a love story, others refer to it as a couple’s movie, while still others say it is simply another version of porn. What do we know about the movie? Well, we know it is based upon the book of the same name written by E. L. James. Additionally, we know the actors in the starring roles are Dakota Johnson and Jamie Doman. But what else do we know.

For starters, 50 Shades of Grey has its origin as Twilight Fan Fiction. Fan Fiction is exactly what it sounds like; fictional stories based upon characters or settings from an original source; in this case the Twilight series. The work is created by a fan, or fans of the original work, rather than the author, creator, or publisher of the original work. Fan fiction is rarely commissioned or authorized by the creator or publisher of the original work and as a result it is rarely professionally published. However, in our society of lust, porn, the degradation of women, and a complete lack of a working moral compass, 50 Shades of Grey has found success. It has been published and now has been released as a movie on the silver screen.

The book, and now the movie would classify as erotic romance. At one time, erotic romance novels were found in only certain areas of certain bookstores. But in the society in which we live today, and given the great success of this book, it is found out in the middle of the isle being advertised as a good read. Erotic romances, like50 Shades of Grey, are known for explicit erotic scenes that feature bondage, sexual discipline, dominance, submission and/or sadism or masochism, all summarized as (BDSM). Thus, character development, cultural relevance, moral significance and redeeming quality is often lacking in these works.

Some may ask, What’s the harm in a little bondage among couples? They’re consenting adults. Besides, it’s just entertainment. Right?Well, not really. It’s not really just entertainment. Several critics and scientists have expressed concern, not over the BDSM in the novel, but the characteristics of the abusive relationship that abound within it. A recent study found that nearly all of the interactions between the two main characters in the book and movie, Ana and Christian, were emotionally abusive in nature, including such things as stalking, intimidation (bullying) and isolation. The study found that Ana met the Center for Disease Control’s standard for an abused woman and exhibited classic signs such as constantly perceiving a threat, stressful managing and altered identity. The study went on to find, within the book, pervasive sexual violence, according to the CDC’s definition. An example of this is Christian getting Ana drunk to get around her ability to consent to certain activities. A second study found that when comparing women who read at least one of the books in the trilogy, versus women who did not read one of the books in the trilogy, that women who read the book showed signs of having an eating disorder, having emotionally abusive partners, taking part in stalking behaviors and binge drinking.

Finally, the study’s lead researcher argues that the books romanticize dangerous behavior and perpetuate dangerous abuse standards. None of the behaviors exhibited by women who have read one of these books are healthy behaviors, and none of these are behaviors that anyone would want their mother, sister or daughter to exhibit. Nor, would anyone want their mother, sister or daughter to be involved, or should we say, entrapped within a relationship like the one being experienced by Ana. Thus, shouldn’t we conclude that the movie could be just as damaging?

So what have we learned? Well, we’ve learned that there is harm in a little bondage among couplesregardless of whether or not they are consenting adults. And this type of movie, or book, is far from just entertainment.To put it in perspective, Colin Covert, a writer for the Minneapolis Star Tribune, writing in his column on February 13, 2015, a man who is quoted in his column as saying, I have no objection to films whose characters have gymnastic bedroom flings while firmly tied and controlled by others.Said of the film, Sadly, Fifty Shades of Greydoesn’t entertainingly cross the line of good taste so much as trip and fall on it. The much anticipated movie opens promisingly. From then, it’s all downhill.

Oddly enough, even the co-stars of the film think 50 Shades of Grey is awful. In his article, Even the co-stars think 50 Shades of Grey is awful (and maybe even a bit like Hitler), writer John Jalsevac on www.lifesitenews.com had much to say after speaking with them. In the article, dated February 11, 2015, Jalsevac says, In other words, Dornan, after spending months immersing himself in the story and the character of Christian Grey, still has absolutely no idea why anybody would ever actually like the books.Dornan is further quoted. He states that after visiting on set the (place where activities occur) and returning home to his real life wife and daughter, I had a long shower before touching either of them.Jalsevac goes on to say in his article, And then there’s Dakota Johnson who kind of, sort of, maybe hopes that nobody ever watches the movie.He quotes Johnson as saying, I don’t want my family to see it, because it’s inappropriate. Or my brother’s friends that I grew up with.Later Johnson comments, It was emotionally taxing. At first I was like, Oh my God, this is the worst thing ever,’ and then I was like, All right, let’s get on with it.’

Needless to say, from my perspective, I haven’t seen it but I wouldn’t recommend the movie or the books. You might say, Well if you haven’t seen it, how can you say I should avoid it.My answer, I haven’t seen Hell either, or the inside of a coffin, but I would recommend to you, whom I do not even know, to avoid both. I believe relationships should be healthy for both parties and that they should be based on true and pure feelings for one another. Maybe in our early years of relationships these feelings are enjoying time with the other person, being supported by the person and being a support to them, caring about and being compassionate about similar things. Or maybe, it’s just simple pure friendship. Later, as relationships develop and people come to know one another better, love is the reason for continuing together, and being in loveis the notion that the other person is more important. The happiness, health and environment of the other person is at least as important, if not more important, than all of those things for us. 50 Shades of Grey is all about Christian; what he likes, what he wants, and what he wants to do with Ana. It’s not at all about Ana. That is not healthy. That is abusive. That is not love for another that is love for one’s self and for what one wants for themselves. These are just some of the reasons why I would name this book and the film, 50 Shades of Stay Away… Stay Far, Far Away!

Check out what Dawson has to say about Abusive Dating Relationships and what he has to say about love addiction in his blog, Trading Love Addiction for Meaningful Relationships. Also, download our free eBook for help in understanding sexual abuse.

Bonomi AE, Altenburger LE, Walton NL; Altenburger; Walton (September 2013). “”Double crap!” abuse and harmed identity in Fifty Shades of Grey”. J Womens Health (Larchmt) 22 (9): 73344. doi:1089/jwh.2013.4344.PMID 23931257.
Bonomi AE, Nemeth JM, Altenburger LE, Anderson ML, Snyder A, Dotto I; Nemeth; Altenburger; Anderson; Snyder; Dotto (August 2014). “Fiction or Not? Fifty Shades is Associated with Health Risks in Adolescent and Young Adult Females”. J Womens Health (Larchmt) 23 (9): 7208. doi:1089/jwh.2014.4782.PMID 25144515.
“Reading ‘Fifty Shades’ linked to unhealthy behaviors”. ScienceDaily. Retrieved 2014-08-22.
“Fifty Shades: Exploring the Sexual Revolution”. Newsweek Special Issue / Topix Media Lab Special #13 (New York, NY: Topix Media Lab): Page 13. 2015.
http://www.startribune.com/entertainment/movies/291714741.html, February 13, 2015.
https://www.lifesitenews.com/static/even-the-co-stars-think-50-shades-of-grey-is-awful-rubbish-and-maybe-even-a.html, February 13, 2015

Our partner ministry, Treasures, has created this video to expose the lies of the sex industry.

(Videos) What…Sex-Trafficking Happens in the U.S.?

Have you ever thought to yourself…sex trafficking…that happens mostly in other countries, it doesn’t really happen too much in the United States?

You may think it doesn’t happen in your city or in your school but it does happen…in all communities. You may think it would never happen to anyone you know, it could only happen to a runaway girl who is willing to sell her body so she doesn’t have to go back to an abusive home, to a drug addict, or to a foster child with no one to watch out for them but it doesn’t discriminate, it exploits all types of people from all different backgrounds.

An organization called Unchained was established to provide education and awareness that will motivate and mobilize communities to join the movement against commercial sexual exploitation of woman in the United States.

Here are some myths and misconceptions that Unchained has published to help educate:

ONLY A BIG CITY PROBLEM

Sex Trafficking occurs in every city and community around the U.S. People believe that even though they live in a small or safetown that this would not happen in their communities. Not only are brothels found in small towns but children are also at risk of becoming victims in small towns. Because of modern day technology, the internet has exposed a greater number of youth to potential predators
they meet in chat rooms, social media groups etc.

THIS WOULD NOT HAPPEN TO MY CHILD

The belief that your child could never wind up in this lifestyle is a dangerous mindset. When we ignore
the dangers and are not proactive in educating our kids, we leave our families unprotected. Communicating with kids the dangers of internet predators and teaching them the warning signs of unhealthy relationships will be the best defense you can give to your family.

SHE IS CHOOSING THIS LIFE

There is a misconception that the girls in this life style are choosing to live this life. While there is a very small percentage of women who claim that prostitution should be legalized and that women should be able to make a choice, the reality is that the largest percentage of women do not choose this life. In truth, they are forced by a trafficker, or they are desperate and feel that they have no other means of survival except to have sex for money.

SHE’S OUT THERE BECAUSE SHE IS A DRUG ADDICT

Although we do see drugs and prostitution as going hand in hand, many victims will express that they never used drugs until they were in the life. Some traffickers force their victims to use drugs to keep them working day and night without a break. Others say the traffickers give them the drugs to emotionally cope with the trauma of the life. We also see that young girls will use drugs to self-medicate, which increases the difficulty for them to get out of the life.

IF SHE WANTED TO LEAVE SHE WOULD

One of the hardest concepts to understand about trafficking is why girls would choose not to leave their traffickers. Traffickers use different techniques to control their victims. Victims are threatened that if they were to leave they would be found, beaten and killed. They also threaten to harm their family and friends. We also see many victims who develop trauma bonds with their traffickers. Victims who experience these trauma bonds are more difficult to work with as they do not self-identify as a victim.

IT’S A VICTIMLESS CRIME

Young girls and women involved in prostitution suffer many psychological and physical consequences from being in The Life.Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is one of the most common psychological disorders treated with victims of trafficking. Some studies suggest that victims of sex trafficking suffer more severe PTSD than soldiers returning home from war. Young girls and women involved in prostitution have a mortality rate 40 times higher than those not involved in prostitution.

THESE GIRLS MAKE A LOT OF MONEY DOING THIS

It is true that girls will have quotas of 500-1000 dollars a night for their work. This could wind up being over $150,000 a year. However, what people do not realize is that 100% of their earnings is turned over to their trafficker/pimp. These girls work everyday for 10-14 hours a day and many times receive very
little food and rest. When the girls do not perform they receive verbal, physical and sexual abuse. Money that girls do earn is short lived by either continual incarceration or drug abuse. Our experience has been that the victims will always leave the life the same way they enter, with nothing except the psychological damage that will take years to recover from.

ALL PROSTITUTES WEAR SCANDALOUS CLOTHES

It’s true that many girls who are in this lifestyle dress promiscuously, but many times these girls are wearing everyday clothes, jeans, hoodies and tennis shoes. We need to remember that this lifestyle does not discriminate and will exploit everyday people who come in all shapes, sizes and colors. When we assume that victims will look a certain way, we miss out on opportunities to help potential victims.

PIMPS ARE NOT REAL

The media culture has given us a new idea of what a pimp is. Main-stream hip hop has given the term pimp a new look and meaning. A pimp is a man who has lots of money, nice cars, and is surrounded by beautiful women. Another typical stereotypes of pimps are men who are dressed in flamboyant clothes and carry a pimp cup or pimp cane. Pimps are real but they do not fit those stereotypes. Pimps can be both men and women. They are young and old and represent all races. Pimps are traffickers, men and women, who prey on vulnerable individuals. They psychologically or physically manipulate the victim to have sex for money. Some pimps use psychological manipulation to control their victims while others use physical force to keep their victims under submission.

You can watch this short film, called Unchained, based on a poem by Rachel Irby, Unchained’s Executive Director, portraying victims of sex-trafficking.

To identify a potential victim of sex trafficking, look for these signs:

Chronic runaway/homeless youth
Lying about age/false ID
Injuries/signs of physical abuse (that they may be reluctant to explain)
Has untreated illnesses or infections. Examples: Diabetes, cancer, TB.
Has STDs, HIV/Aids, pelvic pain/inflammation, rectal trauma, urinary difficulties, abdominal or genital trauma.
Inability or fear of social interaction
Carries hotel keys/ key cards
Exhibits emotional distress such as depression, submissiveness, anxiety, panic attacks, confusion, phobias, disorientation, self-inflicted injuries or suicide attempts.
Inconsistencies when describing and recounting events
Unable or unwilling to give local address or information about parent(s)/guardian
Presence or fear of another person (often an older male or boyfriend who seems controlling)
Sexually explicit profiles on social networking sites
High number of reported sexual partners at a young age
Talks about an older boyfriend or sex with an older man/boyfriend.
Uses words associated with the commercial sex industry.
Has a prepaid cell phone.
May try to protect trafficker from authorities, have loyalty to trafficker, not identify as a victim.
Has an unexplained sudden increase in money, clothing or other goods.
Is frequently truant from school or not enrolled.
History of abuse and/or trauma (rape, violent crime etc.).

If you suspect that someone you come in contact with is being exploited then you can report anonymously and safely to Orphan Secure using their Freedom App. You can report VICTIMS, TRAFFICKERS, or SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY.

Download The Freedom App Here: http://www.orphansecure.com/orphan_secure_mobile.php

Want to know more about sex trafficking? Do you think you know someone who is a victim? Watch this video called “Chosen” about Brianna.

Our partner ministry, Treasures, has created the following video to expose the lies of the sex industry.

Abbie’s Story – Coping with Sexual Abuse

I grew up in a home where I was sexually abused by my father on a daily basis until the age of 19. I was also abused by my step grandfather from the age of 6-17. I always blamed myself and would tell myself that I deserved this. I was always told that I was damaged goods now and that no man would ever want me. My father got me pregnant twice and I had one abortion and gave a child up for adoption. The pain, hurt, shame and guilt were too much to bear and I had several suicide attempts. I also resorted to cutting so that I could feel again, as I was so numb and needed an escape. I reached out for help and spoke with someone at TheHopeLine and that has been a huge help.

Thank you!!

-Abbie

More Stories of Abuse Survivors:
Talleha Almost Killed Herself
How Patrick Found Hope

Do you know someone you think is being abused? Learn more about the signs of sexual abuse and how you can help someone who is being victimized by downloading this free eBook.

Masturbation

I started masturbating when I was 15 years old through the influence of my friend. He was a very good friend to me, he tried to seduce me but I resisted him. I told him that if he tried again, I would not go out with him again and he left me for sometime. After a while, he came to me again with the same issue and at that time he taught me how to do it by myself. I continued from that time until I was baptized. I continued in this shameful act until this year when the Lord saved me from this deadly sin. I prayed and fasted on my own several times for several years until the Lord really answered my prayers. Now, I have hope of the future glory of His coming. I really need everyone to pray because there are many people who are struggling like I was. Thank you.

Here is another story of hope from TheHopeLine® youtube channel.

Let’s Talk About Cheating

by Dawson McAllister

Do You Want To Talk About Cheating?

Cheating can be an emotional topic, but it is good to talk about cheating openly in order to find the truth about it even if it is hard to face. So I want to look at two hard issues connected to cheating that I have talked to countless people about over the years.

It gets Harder to Press the Reset Button

Many people who have been hurt or cheated on many times in past relationships find that they now have a hard time simply pressing the reset button and starting over. They began with some idealistic notions about romance but eventually grew very discouraged and cynical about relationships and are losing hope. Take these comments for example:

Michelle wrote: Suggestions for finding the right guy? I don’t think there are any. The right guys always seem to hurt you at some point. girls are better off waiting til they’re older and making a living for themselves. i just dont believe there is a good enough guy, anywhere.

Crystal wrote: Life is so complicated. You spend more time trying to figure out where the previous relationship went wrong that you give up hope that you are meant to be with anyone.

Dave wrote: It’s been three years now, and I still have trouble trusting women.

SW wrote: There’s no hope for us, relationships will almost always fail, and believe me, i still haven’t accepted this yet because it still scares me. I HOPE I’m not right about this.

HARD TRUTH

Just like many people who have lost a lot money on bad investments are terrified of making new investment decisions, people who have been through several bad relationships are scared to jump back in. They are both said to be snake-bit. People who have had a bad experience or two in relationships understand something that novice GFs/BFs don’t yet know… relationships are not without risk. In other words, if you are not very careful about how much of your heart and emotions to invest in a relationship, you could get really hurt. Do that enough times, and you too can get snake-bit. I’m not saying you should give up, I’m just encouraging you to take it slow. Don’t give your heart away too soon.

From Attraction…to Sex…to Boredom

It is remarkable how quickly some relationships go from the thrill of something new, to jumping in bed together, to talking about forever, to boredom, to talk about cheating, and eventually to break up.

Jeremy wrote:Why do guys cheat on their girlfriends? Boredom and things get stale. Guys see it as an excuse to look for something exciting to add that thrill back.

Briana wrote: Why do guys cheat? I think guys get bored easily. They want something new and fresh…And a new girl is new and fresh to them!

Anonymous wrote: I think guys cheat on there girlfriends because they get tired of kissing, or having sex with the same chick. Especially when they are younger guys.

HARD TRUTH

There is a thing called the Law of Diminishing Return. Put simply, every time you go a little further physically with your BF/GF what you did before gets less and less thrilling. To continue getting that same thrill, you have to go a little farther. But then after you’ve gone all the way, what else is there to do? If you want a relationship to last and not end up in boredom and cheating, don’t go too fast! You need to take time along the way to base your relationship on more than just sex. So take it slow.

Contrary to popular belief, sex doesn’t keep a BF/GF; in fact, it often condemns the relationship to failure. There is deep sense of satisfaction and contentment in old friendships. Because you go way back and have a lot of good history together, you just feel comfortable and relaxed with each other. Nothing special needs to be happening, you just enjoy hanging out together. Relationships based on the thrill of sex or making out are just the opposite.
You get bored with each other after a while, there is no place farther to go, and someone begins looking for something new to get that thrill again.

For more on what to do if you have been cheated on or if you were the cheater, check out TheHopeLine’s free eBook: Understanding Cheating.

Sexting? It’s not a private conversation…

by Dawson McAllister

39% of teens are sexting

A recent study found that 20% of teenagers have sent or posted online nude or semi-nude photos or videos of themselves. And an incredible 39% have sent or posted sexually suggestive emails or text messages! Most of these are being sent to boyfriends/girlfriends, but others say they are sending these pics and texts to someone they want to hook up with, or maybe even someone they only know online.

Sexting is sending, receiving or forwarding naked or provocative photos by your cell phone. It has become incredibly popular in recent years. What do you think about sexting? Why do you think so many people are doing it?

It’s a huge rush, sharing the most personal part of yourself with another person.

Cassie shared her reasons for sexting: I think us girls do it because we think we have to. It’s a way to get a boy’s attention and show him what we got, and get him to like us more. Looking back, I regret it and wish I didn’t. I think the boys might actually lose respect for you.

People sext because it’s so easy to do. It also has an element of risk to it. It’s a huge rush, sharing the most personal part of yourself with another person. You don’t really know how they’re going to respond to it. Will it turn them on, or off? Will they like you more, or less?

Abigail tells why she sends sext messages: My compulsion towards sexting is similar to young girls who are promiscuous; I look for male affection in the wrong places. I seek it from boys who only like parts of me instead of all of me. It can easily become an addiction as strong as drugs or alcohol.

Here are some things to think about before you take the plunge into sexting:

This is a great way to have people assume, and even expect, that you’re more open to having sex than you are.

1) Nothing you send or post stays private. It might seem harmless enough, just sending a dirty, flirtatious picture of yourself to your bf/gf’s phone. But before you can say, For Your Eyes Only,more people have seen you in your underwear than you ever dreamed. Anna said: If you want every one of your boyfriend’s friends, and maybe more, to see your naked body then go for it. My boyfriend asked me for that and I said no and he respected that. My view is that one day I will go far in life and I don’t want sexting’ to be revealed now or ever.

It might seem fun in the moment, but your flirty pics may be searchable by anyone on the planet for years to come. You can’t control what other people post online, or where they choose to send or post your dirty pictures.

3) Your joking around might be misunderstood. Just because, in your mind, your text or pic is meant to be fun, doesn’t mean the person who gets it will see it that way. Not to mention all the others who may see it as well. This is a great way to have people assume, and even expect, that you’re more open to having sex than you are. You may end up ruining your own reputation, simply for a few cheap thrills.

4) It’s impossible to be completely anonymous. If you’re sending pics online to a complete stranger, thinking they will never find out who you really are, or where you live, think again. Even though you may be disguising facts about your name, age, location, etc., it’s easy for online predators to find out who and where you are.

Legally, the consequences can be drastic.

5) Legally, the consequences could be drastic. Some states are really cracking down on sextingdeclaring that sexting photos of someone who is a minor (even yourself!) is considered a felony. You can even end up getting labeled as a sex offender.That label would follow you for the rest of your life.

It may be very tempting to give in to a bf/gf’s request for you to sext them. But, whatever you do, don’t give in to their pressure. Almost half the people who sext, say they do it because of pressure from other people. Amber says this is what happened to her: I had guys ask me for pictures and I gave in cause they told me they loved me and I believed them.

You are worth far more than simply a sexy picture on a phone.

Jessica finds herself in the same position: My bf is always asking me for nude pics and I tell him no, and then he wants to break up with me when I don’tso I give in.How sad. Jessica was used and emotionally bullied by some guy who doesn’t even love her. It’s not worth it. It will never be worth it. The damage will far outweigh the supposed benefits. So don’t do it. You are worth far more than simply a sexy picture on a phone.

Check out our eBook for more information about how to overcome the destructive addiction to pornography.

Are You Being Pressured Into Having Sex?

by Dawson McAllister

Feeling pressured to have sex in a dating relationship is common, but not acceptable.

In a recent survey, 61% of all teenage girls say they are being pressured to have sex with their boyfriends. And guys are also pressured to have sex with their girlfriends.

Love never demands someone to do something that would violate another.

Many of those who are pressured into having sex give in to it mostly because of the overwhelming fear of losing the person they really care about, if they don’t agree to have sex. I find that very often people who end up having a sexual relationship are simply doing whatever they think needs to be done to hold on to their bf/gf. In the end, some bargain away their bodies in their attempt to keep the relationship going. But in the process they lose their self-respect and gain the very real possibility of unwanted pregnancy, diseases, rape, bad reputation, and of course, a broken heart.

Some bargain away their bodies in their attempt to keep the relationship going. #relationshipprobs Click To Tweet

Becca has learned this the hard way, I was recently violated by a guy who I thought was a really great guy, but then he started pressuring me and now I hate him for it. We aren’t even talking anymore. If you’re a guy and you read this, can you please take this seriously and please respect the girl that you like and please don’t violate her! It can really make a big difference in anyone’s life.

What can you do if you’re feeling pressured to have sex?

If you are being pressured to have sex, realize this is a huge red flag. Below are four thoughtful responses to the pressure- both to realize for yourself and to explain to your boyfriend or girlfriend.

1. Know where you stand in your convictions

Most people with strong values have a clear understanding of what they believe and are far less susceptible to giving in to things they don’t want to do.

Do you want to be a person who waits until they are married to have sex? It’s important to define for yourself why this important to you.

Are you aware of the power sex has to arouse deep emotions? Are you willing and able to bear the responsibility of a child?

Without strong convictions, the person you date could push their value system (or lack of!) onto you. Before you start talking to a guy or girl, make sure you know what you believe and why. This will be extremely helpful when you’re being pressured.

Juli wrote: It is easy to give in and say ‘yes’ but we have to prepare ahead of time so we can say ‘no.’ If you just wait until the moment, you easily cave in. My boyfriend pressured me so much and I gave in. I wish I hadn’t and I won’t again.

2. Talk about your Decision to Save Sex for Marriage

Explain your desire to not have sex with your bf/gf. Tell them that it has nothing to do with a lack of feelings, or your level of commitment. In fact, you like your bf/gf so much you don’t want to ruin a great relationship by having sex. This conversation takes a lot of courage because your pressuring partner may refuse to understand what you are saying. They may take it personally, or get mad and walk away. Nonetheless, the person who can talk things out is far happier than those who keep things deeply hidden.

Madison said: My boyfriend keeps trying to get me to do stuff with him, such as kiss him, or have sex. I made a promise to God, my mom and my family that I wouldn’t do anything with a guy until I get married. My boyfriend always thinks that the reason I don’t want to do things with him is because I don’t like him which is so far from the truth.

If your boyfriend is really “a keeper,” he will understand and respect your decision.

3. While Waiting, Learn What Real Love Is

The term “love” is one of the most misunderstood and abused words in the dictionary. Sometimes, when a guy says to a girl, “I love you,” he is really saying, “I don’t love you, I love me and what sexual favors you do for me.” Love never demands someone to do something that would violate another. Love does not trash someone else’s deeply held values. Love is patient, and is willing to wait for the right time and the right person. Loves always looks after the other person first. Love is never selfish. When a guy really loves a girl, he will do everything he can to protect her.

Mandy wrote: [When I have sex,] I feel loved and wanted, that’s why I give in. Hoping that something will come out of it and it never does. If I can feel wanted, even if it’s in a sexual way, I like it, but yet on the other hand, I don’t. For the relatively few brief moments she is having sex, Mandy somehow feels loved. But after it’s over and she is alone again, those empty words leave her unfulfilled and searching for more. Mandy is confused about what love really is.

Someone once said, “Love can always wait to give. Lust can’t wait to get.”

Love can always wait to give. Lust can't wait to get. #sex #relationships Click To Tweet

A lot of guys will say they love their girlfriend and think that if she really loved him, she would have sex with him. Either he doesn’t know what love is, or he’s lying about loving her. It’s easy to believe a lie when you want to. It is not easy to face the consequences of believing that lie.

4. Know When to Move On

If the pressure for sex does not let up, get rid of him or her. If you are being pressured to have sex, realize this is a huge red flag that something isn’t right in your relationship. It is far better for you to lose your relationship, than to do something you will later regret.

Alli wrote: Three days into the “relationship” he started hinting that he wanted to make out with me. Then 6 days into the “relationship” we made out and then he started talking about sex. He tried to pressure me into it. He kept trying to do stuff, and I told him to stop. I didn’t give in, but I ended up breaking up with him the next day. Allie is smart. She knows that if your boyfriend is really “a keeper,” he will understand and respect your decision. Remember, most pressured relationships are not love, but rather, they are just uncovered needs, fantasy, confusion, and selfishness.

Heather wrote: [My boyfriend] knew I was insecure and vulnerable. I think that’s why he pressured me so much. He made it sound as if it was my obligation.

Some people won’t go into a relationship unless they know they will be able to have sex. Be prepared to be rejected. Just remember you won’t die, and in the end the respect you will have for yourself, and the pain avoided, will be well worth it.

The Bottom Line – It’s Your Body

You don’t ever have to do anything with your body you don’t want to do. Sex is not an indicator of love, or even of your level of commitment in a relationship. Sex is not an obligation. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. May God give you a boyfriend or girlfriend who deeply respects you.

You don't have to do anything with your body you don't want to do. Sex is not an indicator of love Click To Tweet

If you need help to stop getting into bad dating relationships and to find the right one, check out our eBook: Understanding Dating Relationships.

SEX – How Far Is Too Far?

by Dawson McAllister

Principles for Setting Sexual Boundaries

Jody asked: Sex how far is too far in a dating relationship? My conscience has been bothering me.With that being said, I’d encourage you to not take dating (or even taking girls on special event dates like the prom) so seriously that it prevents you from having a good time and getting to know people from the opposite sex. There is a lot of fun to be had by just social dating…meaning, you’re not dating strictly one person, but just having good social times with different girls. It’s important to be clear about what you’re doing when yo u’re socially dating, and not trying to convince each girl she is the only one! Spending one on one time with someone of the opposite sex will be very helpful for you to learn what kind of woman you’d eventually like to marry, and will help you learn better how to treat the women in your life. Each date you go on could be a valuable experience for you, and for the other person, if you allow it to be. But keep in mind you have to guard your heart.

DAWSON: Your conscience is a really good indicator to let you know when you are, or someone else is, crossing your own personal boundaries and deep value system. You can have a healthy dating life that is not being trashed by violated standards. It does, however, require you to set and follow clear standards for how far you will go on a date. Here are a few principles you may want to apply to your own dating relationships:

You can have a healthy dating life that is not being trashed by violated standards.

The Selfish Touch Principle this refers to touching someone in a way that arouses both their sexual and their deep emotional desires. If a guy (or it could just as easily be a girl toward a guy) touches a woman in a way that arouses her passion, he has acted selfishly and has gone too far.
The Sex Controls the Date Principle Our lives should not be controlled or mastered…by anything. If the physical or sexual part of your relationship is controlling or dominating your time together, then you’ve gone too far. The question to ask yourself is this: If you took all physical activity out of your relationship would there be enough left of that relationship to continue?
The Sex Controls My Thoughts Principle Our minds should not be constantly dwelling on passion and sex. If what you do on a date causes you or your partner to constantly fantasize about sex, you have gone too far.
The Does It Cause Me to Mislead Principle Any kind of sexual activity can lead your dating partner to believe you are more committed to him/her than you really are. If your sexual activity on a date has misled your partner concerning your true feelings and commitment, you have gone too far.
The Ten Year Later Principle Anything you do today will have an effect for years to come. Will you be able to look your partner in the eye, or perhaps your current partner’s future spouse, ten years from now and be proud about how you treated him/her today? Your goal should be to leave the person you’re dating today with great memories that build them up, not tear them down.

Your goal should be to leave the person you’re dating today with great memories that build them up, not tear them down.

Is it O.K. to date “Just for Fun” and not think about the future?

Michael asked: What is the thinking of those who are either dating or just going to the prom? It is my way of thinking if someone is dating, they should be considering getting married sometime in their future, and the same for the prom. Is it just a cool social thing to do, or a really serious time of considering your future?

DAWSON: Michael, you’re blowing my mind. You obviously are a serious thinker who has come to some radical, but amazing conclusions. Most guys don’t put that much thought or consideration into what they are doing when they take out a girl. Yes, dating can be a very serious matter. It can be serious stuff because when two people start sharing their lives together in an intimate way, feelings and emotions get intensified, making it easier for people to get hurt. But, dating can also be a very meaningful and fun and a great way to learn about yourself.

The biggest danger I see in dating is most people do not guard their heart. By heart I mean, the very core of their emotions…the place where they really live. They’re not careful of who they date, or what they do, as long as they feel like they are in love, or someone cares about them. People who don’t guard their hearts are easily used by manipulators and their own emotions that spin out of control. Most people who don’t guard their heart end up in fast, emotional, destructive relationships. I have talked to so many people whose lives have been scarred, or permanently altered because of irresponsible dating. Dating is not a game, it is an activity where people can grow in personal relationships, or get themselves really hurt. I can’t say it enough, Michael, everyone needs to guard their heart so we don’t have any more emotional victims all around us.

The biggest danger I see in dating is most people do not guard their heart. #guardyourheart Click To Tweet

Keeping Your Personal Boundaries

by Dawson McAllister

If he says he loves you, but is not willing to respect your boundaries and deep held moral beliefs, I would say he doesn’t really love you.

As I’ve been answering your questions about the opposite sex, one of my desires has been to help us understand the concept of personal boundaries. What does that mean? When most people enter into a relationship they lose sight of themselves emotionally, they don’t know where they end and the other person begins. And then, without even thinking, they become willing to do whatever the other person wants, regardless of the consequences, simply to keep the other person close to them. This is the situation Madison is in, as shown with this question.

QUESTION #33) Madison asked: I made a promise to God, my mom and my family that I wouldn’t do anything with a guy until I get married. My boyfriend keeps trying to get me to do stuff with him, such as kiss him or have sex. And then he thinks the reason I don’t want to do things with him is because I don’t like him, which is so far from the truth. How do I tell him the real reason I don’t want to do anything with him, without having him leave me?

Without the sexual part of your relationship, you are better able to get to know someone.

DAWSON: It sounds like this would be a great opportunity to be very honest with yourself and your boyfriend. That will give him the opportunity to know more about the level of commitment you have to yourself, and to your relationship with God. This will give him the chance to decide whether he will honor your wishes or not. If he says he loves you, but is not willing to respect your boundaries and deep held moral beliefs, I would say he doesn’t really love you, and you need to find someone who will–someone who will respect your boundaries. When you tell him why you believe what you do, you will give him a chance to see how beneficial committing to those boundaries could be to your relationship.

Being physical with a bf/gf has the potential to cloud a relationship, turning it into a monster that seems to only be driven by sexual desire, or what you can get from the other person. Without the sexual part of your relationship, you’re better able to get to know someone, and to clearly know whether you’d want to spend the rest of your life with this person. Living this way, you will end up marrying someone you truly know and respects you. Nothing could be more important. I applaud you, Madison, for desiring to live so radically, and so differently compared to how most of the rest of the world lives. Stick by your beliefs and create those boundaries.

QUESTION #34) David asked: I see girls everyday I wish I could go out with, but people tell me I don’t have a chance with them. So I don’t know if I should be miserable and not date or overcome my fear and ask out a girl people tell me I don’t have a chance with?

Learn about what girls find attractive about guys.

DAWSON: Thanks for the honesty in your question, David. I have to wonder who these people are that are telling you to not ask out certain girls. Why should you let someone else’s opinion tell you what these girls are thinking? I want to encourage you to be bold and courageous. But let me give you a couple things to think about first. Learn about what girls find attractive about guys. They love a guy who is confident, courageous, funny, interested in them (but not too interested!), strong, and smart. Women desire a man who will sweep them off their feet and treat them special. You are capable of being and doing all these things.

You should never choose to be miserable. Don’t let other people tell you what to do.

Start by taking interest in a girl who you have some things in common with. Approaching her from out of the blue might be a bit too confusing for her and drive her away. Find some common ground and begin a conversation. Be a good listener. Make her the focus of your conversation. Don’t worry about going outwith her until you actually get to know her some, and discover if she likes spending time with you. Most guys make the mistake of moving too quickly with a girl. Slow down. She isn’t going anywhere.

You should never choose to be miserable. Don’t let other people tell you what to do. They may think you’re shooting for the moon, by asking out certain girls, but you can prove to them that it’s never wrong to dream big.

Thanks for sending in your great questions. Please keep writing to me with the questions you have about the opposite sex. We’re going all the way to 50 questions, so we still have room for yours! I look forward to hearing from you!

Is it Bad to Dress Provocatively?

by Dawson McAllister

Answers to Tough Questions

I am continuing to answer many of your questions about the opposite sex. It is a journey to be sure. Today I answer a question about why girls sometimes dress provocatively and also about how guys sometimes brag about the girls they are with. Both touchy subjects, but I hope that in the process of honestly answering your questions we will all learn what it means to relate to each other in a healthy way. I hope my answers will help you get through your life with more love and confidence.

So here was the first question from Michael:

“Why do girls dress so provocatively one minute, then complain that guys are superficial the next?”

This is a difficult question with many sides to it. One part of the answer is that some girls feel confident if they receive attention for the way they dress. It’s nice to be noticed. Often girls even dress to impress other girls, maybe even more than guys. But for many young teenage girls it’s even more important to fit in. Many young women feel it is social suicide to try to stick out in the crowd or wear something no one else is wearing. So if all the girls are dressing in short skirts and low-cut shirts, they better do it as well, they think. Sometimes the styles may be more provocative than a girl feels comfortable wearing, but due to peer pressure, she will wear it anyway.

Why do girls sometimes dress provocatively and why do guys brag about the girls they're with? Click To Tweet

Some girls might not even realize that how they are dressing can affect guys. Don’t get me wrong, some girls know exactly what they are doing, but some are just wearing what they think looks good. Since guys are sexually driven by what they see, it becomes easy for them to objectify women based on how they are dressed, but that doesn’t make it right.

What message are you sending?

So please know ladies that what you wear often sends a message…whether you intend it to or not. If you are flaunting your body, guys will be tempted to come after your body. However, if you advertise who you are on the inside, with such traits as kindness, gentleness, sensitivity, great personality, etc., they will be drawn to you for that.

Guys, it is important to realize most women want to be loved and respected for who they are on the inside. It’s just the lies of the culture and confusion about how best to attract men gets things all confused. As a guy, when you compliment a girl you have an opportunity to tell her she’s beautiful, without expectations on what her response should be. Women often want to be thought of as beautiful, but they don’t want to be disrespected. That’s a fine line, but I believe it’s possible for mature guys to walk that line.

The next question is also complicated and it is from Tiana:

Why do guys feel the need to brag about the girl they are with, and their sexual relationship with her?

Unfortunately, some guys do like to talk to other guys about their sexual conquests. I think this often comes out of a deep insecurity and a desire to impress other guys. It’s a competition thing. If one guy has more success with women than others, his ranking in the group goes higher. That is why there is not only bragging, but exaggerating, and even downright lies about their experiences with women. When this happens it shows a guy’s immaturity and lack of respect for the opposite sex. These particular guys are working hard to develop a reputation as a macho guy. Watch out for these guys because they are more concerned about themselves than the girl they are with. Don’t lose heart, there are good guys out there who don’t behave in this way.

Real manliness is when a guy fights to protect a women's reputation and feelings. #dating Click To Tweet

This kind of bragging is certainly not done to impress other women, as women are usually completely turned off by the idea of a guy talking about what he did with other women. Women respect a man more who can keep silent about what happens in private. Real manliness is when a guy fights to protect a women’s reputation and feelings. Little boys like to exaggerate. Real men who are confident and secure don’t have to brag to feel good about themselves.

For more insight into dating, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.

What Is Abuse?

by Dawson McAllister

What Is Abuse and What To Do About It

When I first started in my radio career talking to teenagers and young adults, I quickly became amazed at what my audience wanted to talk about. Many of them wanted to talk about abuse in their family. I had no choice. I had to face the problem head on. For example, not long ago, I received a comment from an anonymous listener:

I come from a family with lots of abuse and confusion. My dad left barely over 2 years ago. He sexually abused me, my brother and sister. I can’t trust anybody. How am I supposed to trust again? Every time I let my guard down, I get hurt again.

Not only was this listener revealing the deep dark secrets of her family, she was also speaking of the horrific consequences of those secrets. No doubt, you have been abused in some way, or know somebody who has. This is something I must write about with the hope that what I have to say will help and encourage you in some way.

First, if you think you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE chat with one of our HopeCoaches. All chats are free and confidential.

No one knows just how many people have been abused in some way in their home. But the numbers we do know are staggering:

There are nearly 3 million reports of child abuse made annually.
The rate of child abuse is estimated to be 3 times greater than is reported.

My guess is the problem is even greater than what you and I think it is.

WHAT IS ABUSE?

Abuse simply put, is when one person causes physical, sexual or emotional injury or harm to another. Federal law defines it as: Any act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation; or, An act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm.

4 Specific Types of Abuse

Physical Abuse This abuse is usually the most easily identified. It can include any kind of non-accidental hitting, shaking, burning, biting, choking, throwing, or any behaviors that cause physical injury, leave marks, or create significant pain.Li commented what it’s like living in a physically abusive home: You feel like everything is your fault and that nothing you do is right. I was abused until I was 8 years old. First, I was emotionally and somewhat physically abused by my mother, and then strongly physically abused by my stepmother. While going through this, I had no one to turn to but my best friend.
Sexual Abuse
Any type of sexual contact between an adult and anyone younger than 18, or between a significantly older child and a younger child is considered sexual abuse. This includes penetration or external touching of intimate parts, oral sex, indecent exposure or any other sexual act performed in your presence for sexual gratification. It can also include the showing of pornography to someone younger than 18.Emily says she has lived in an abusive, hazardous family situation her entire life. My dad started sexually abusing me at 6 years old, and it went on until I was 11. It was hard to deal with. I used to pretend that it didn’t happen, but it did, and there isn’t anything I can do about it. I never figured out a healthy way of dealing with it. I was anorexic for years. I used to cut myself. I was suicidal. I hated my life.
Emotional and/or Verbal Abuse
Emotional abuse happens when yelling and anger go too far or when parents constantly criticize, threaten, or dismiss kids or teens until their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. It also includes constant family conflict. Emotional abuse can hurt and cause major damage just as physical or sexually abuse does.Jessie describes the verbal abuse in her family: My father yells at me whenever I question why. I am beginning to get bitter toward him because he seems to not trust me at all, and he seems to treat me like a slave and its hard to handle. I have tried talking to him but once again he yelled at me and I began to cry. I never yell at my dad but sometimes I would like to.
Neglect
You are considered to be neglected when your parent’s whereabouts are unknown, if you’ve been left alone in circumstances where you suffer serious harm, or your parent has failed to maintain contact with you. This also happens when you don’t have adequate food, housing, clothes, medical care, education, or supervision.This is something Maria deals with. My dad was at a neighbor’s house, drunk. He didn’t call home or my cell to check on me. He didn’t answer his cell when I called, nothing. I get home from school at 3 and my mom gets home from work at 9:30. My dad left the same time as my mom and didn’t come home until nearly an hour later than my mom. The house was wide open. ANYTHING could’ve happened to me.

Do you identify with any of these forms of abuse? It is difficult admitting that you are being abused; especially if it’s something you have lived with for many years. You might just think it’s the way things are and there’s nothing that can be done about it. You can also mistakenly think you bring abuse on yourself by not acting right, or by not living up to someone’s expectations. The kinds of abuse listed above are not normal or healthy ways to treat people.
If you think you or someone you know is being abused, PLEASE chat with one of our HopeCoaches. All chats are free and confidential.

The Truth About Condoms

by Dawson McAllister

Many people think talking about condoms encourages people to have sex. As if condoms are the magic ticket to preventing the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or unwanted pregnancy. Tragically, this is a lie. There are plenty of “condom babies,” children who were conceived while their parents were attempting to play it “safewith a condom. Not to mention thousands of cases of STDs that have been spread, even with condom use.

The only sure-proof way to be safe is to keep it within a committed marriage relationship.

As you no doubt have heard, there is no such thing as “safe sex.” Only safer sex. The only sure proof way to be safe is to keep it in within a committed marriage relationship. Every other kind of sex, is risky at best, and potentially life-threatening.

I’ve got a powerful comment from Riah, whose logic cannot be ignored: My secret to avoiding STDs is staying away from sex all together. That’s the best way to avoid anything, and it’s not really a secret, it’s common sense, really. A lot of guys would probably be like one time can’t hurt anything but that’s all it takes is once for ANYthing to happen. I’m really committed to my decision to not have sex until marriage. I don’t think you can trust anybody or anything with your health. You have to be extra EXTRA careful nowadays because if you make a wrong decision, your life can be changed in a split second. If you have future plans and goals you won’t want to mess things up by getting pregnant too early. Everyone makes mistakes, but if you don’t put yourself in that situation then you really don’t have anything to worry about. The secret is staying away from sex all together. It may not be easy or popular but it’s the safest way out and you won’t regret it in the long run.

Riah is right.

There are 67 million people in America with STDs and 12 million more added to that number each year.

But it’s amazing to me how many people take risks with STDs and unwanted pregnancies everyday. As I mentioned in my first blog, there are 67 million people in America with STDs and 12 million more people are added to that number every year. Every one of them rolled the dice and lost. The Center for Disease Control found that among sexually active students in grades nine through 12 nationwide, only about 58 percent report that either they or their partner had used a condom during their last sexual intercourse.

But I’m a realist. I know you still very well might take a chance with safer sexor condoms. I sure don’t want you getting hurt. It’s not worth it. James’ comment says it all: I have HSV2 (genital herpes) and I don’t know that I would say I made a bad choice’ or had an it could never happen to me’ kind of attitude. I only slept with guys I trusted and with guys I was in serious relationships with. Along the way I slept with someone who said he didn’t know he had it. Whether he did or didn’t, it has changed my life and I moved on. It was a long hard road but I have come out strongerand left him far back in the dust!

Sadly, the fact is people are going to continue having unsafe sex and end up paying the consequences. This is why it is so vitally important to know the truth about condoms. So here goes, not to give permission to have the misuse of sex, but so anyone using condoms is more informed about what you are getting into.

CONDOM FACTS:

When used properly, latex condoms can help (though not completely) protect you and your partner from unplanned pregnancy, reduce the risk of HIV infection (which causes AIDS) and many, but not all, STDs.
Condoms are 98 percent effective in preventing pregnancy when used consistently and correctly.
The first year effectiveness rate in preventing pregnancy among typical condom users on average is 86 percent. This includes pregnancies resulting from errors in condom use.
In any sort of nonexclusive sexual relationship–or in any relationship in which one partner’s HIV status is unknown – you should automatically be using a condom, even if your partner is on the pill or using another form of contraception.
Condom breakage or slippage can occur (somewhere around 2 percent of the time), but studies indicate this rarely happens when condoms are properly used. Fit is important. If it’s too tight, a condom is more likely to break. If it’s too loose, it may slip off.
If you use a condom with a sperm-killing (spermicidal) cream or jelly, the risk of pregnancy is further decreased.
It’s important to use a new condom for each act of vaginal, anal or oral sex.You can also get STDs (including HIV) from anal and oral sex, too. Using a latex condom to prevent transmission of HIV is more than 10,000 times safer than not using a condom.
There is no definitive study about condom effectiveness for all STDs. But several studies have demonstrated that condoms, when used consistently and correctly, can protect against the transmission of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and trichomoniasis, and may protect against genital herpes and syphillis.
Stay away from alcohol and other drugs, as they may make you take risks, like having sex without a condom.
To learn how to use condoms, read the directions on the package and practice before you have sex.
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention explains that the term condom failureoften imprecisely refers to the percentage of women who become pregnant over the course of a year in which they reported using condoms as their primary method of birth control – even if they did not use condoms every time they had intercourse. The CDC concluded, Clearly these statistics don’t report condom failure but user failure.
The book “Contraceptive Technology” explained, Only three of 100 couples that use condoms perfectly for one year will experience an unintended pregnancy.

Everyone deserves to be safe.

Everyone who is sexually active faces some risk of HIV. Good self-esteem means caring about your risk. And you are worth the effort. Everyone deserves to be safe. And, safer sex may be easier than you think. Worrying about your partner’s reaction is normal. But not being safe because you are afraid of rejection is just too risky. It’s better to face rejection than to become infected with HIV.

With all this being said, this is not an invitation to begin having sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend. I’d highly encourage you to wait until you are married to start exploring this side of your life. I’ve never talked to anybody who waited until they got married to have sex that has ever regretted that decision. But I have talked to hundreds of people who cannot bury the regret and pain that has been brought on by rolling the dice and taking a chance with condoms.
There is one area where a condom fails every time. It will not protect your heart.

Comment and tell me your sex regret stories. Everyone who has ever had sex before marriage has a sex regret story. I would love to hear yours.

If you are pregnant and wondering what to do, download your free eBook.

What To Do If You’re Pregnant

by Dawson McAllister

Finding out you are pregnant can be a wonderful joyous moment, but for some it could be one of the most shocking and devastating moments of your life.

At first, you don’t believe it. Surely there has been a mistake somehow. But after a visit to the doctor, there’s no kidding yourself. The doctor’s tests don’t lie. You are pregnant. There’s no getting around it.

Now what do you do? You feel alone, confused, afraid, a thousand thoughts swirling around in your mind. You’re feeling more emotions than you’ve ever felt before all at the same time. Then the questions start: Who should I tell? Will my boyfriend stay with me? What will my parents say? Will they kick me out of the house? What will my friends say? Where am I going to get the money to take care of the baby? What about adoption or even abortion? It’s overwhelming. What should you do? Sometimes you almost need a guide to help you walk through your experience. Hopefully this blog will be that guide. I want to give you some suggestions on what to do and not to do when you find out you’re pregnant and don’t know what to do.

What To Do If You Are Pregnant

Suggestion #1: Never make a decision based on impulse, fear, or shock.The first thing that comes to your mind when you are pregnant is, “What shall I do?” It seems like a thousand questions need answered. The first thing you should do is nothing. You have several months to figure out what you are going to do with the baby. Calm yourself as best you can and then pray. Ask God to keep you calm and to give you wisdom in what to do next. Remember, we usually don’t make good decisions when we act out of fear, confusion, and shock.You may have heard someone say when having a difficult decision to make, Let me sleep on it.They’re want to calm down so the wisdom part of their brain can kick in. Then they won’t do something impulsive they’ll regret later. Remind yourself that hundreds of thousands of people have gone through what you’re going through and somehow in someway most of them made it and you will too. Remind yourself the decisions you will be making affect not only you, but those closest to you and especially the baby. I tell the teenagers and young adults who call me and are pregnant to remember to always do what’s best for the baby. So calm down and take a deep breath. Things will turn out okay.
Suggestion #2: Tell those closest to you about your pregnancy.Now it is time to tell those closest to you that you are in fact pregnant or your girlfriend is pregnant. This is a very difficult thing to do because you cannot predict how people will respond to the news. So start with someone you trust the most. The most difficult people to tell may be your parents. The sooner you tell them the better so they can be a support to you as you make decisions.One way to do this is to sit down with them and tell them how much you love them and thank them for their support over the years. Then tell them you really need their support right now. Then go ahead and explain to them what has happened.
Suggestion #3: Talk to the father of your child.
You may be wondering, “What will my boyfriend do?” Good communication between you is very important. Each of you will need to be honest about your feelings and thoughts. Sometimes it is helpful to see a counselor together or another trusted adult to help you talk through your feelings and possible decisions.
Suggestion #4 Find A Support Group.
Many cities have free pregnancy care clinics that will give you advice on pre-natal care and talk to you about your options. Our partner, Option Line, can help you find the clinic closest to you. Some clinics offer counseling, parenting classes, and free ultrasounds.
Suggestion #5: Make a list of choices you have before you.
Ask yourself questions such as who will raise the baby? Can I provide financially? Is the father going to be involved? Where will we live?You can give the baby up for adoption. I must admit, I am biased about this decision. My wife and I have had the privilege of adopting two boys at a very young age. We were unable to bear children, so this option for us was a God-send. It is never easy to give up your baby for adoption, but there are loving couples out there who would give your baby a wonderful home and family.

If you are pregnant and wondering what to do, download your free eBook.

“I’m Pregnant. How did I let this happen?”

by Dawson McAllister

Last week I blogged about getting pregnant before marriage. Very few of these pregnancies work out well. No matter what people say, there is all kinds of pain and havoc mixed with fear. Most people who get pregnant out of wedlock didn’t mean for it to happen or have not counted the costs of what it would take to raise a baby, mostly alone. There are others who don’t even think about what their actions might do to their family. It is almost always upsetting to the family of the one who is pregnant. While these wounds can be healed, they still cause great damage and hurt in relationships.

I received a comment from a guy named Jonathan who talked about the pain in his family because of an unplanned pregnancy.

My unmarried sister who lives about 800 miles away was talking to my parents on the phone…I heard her tell my parents she was pregnant. She and her boyfriend decided to get married and raise the baby. My mother is very emotional and couldn’t even mention my sister for the longest time. Going to the wedding was completely out, because it would have been an emotional train wreck for my mom[she] seems to have mostly recovered and is talking to my sister again, but there is still some hurt inside meThe hardest part is that I don’t know when I’ll ever see her againand if I do, the kids will have missed out on seeing their uncle for probably several years of their lives. Plus, tensions at home escalatedwhich made things incredibly hard on my dad, my grandmother, and me. At least, through all of this, there is hope. I can be thankful to God that my sister’s husband is a Christian man who shouldered his responsibility as a father and not a jerk who ran off at the first sign of trouble.

Jonathan and his family are very fortunate the father of the baby is going to shoulder his responsibilities as a father. I receive hundreds of calls every year where that is not the case, and the mother is basically on her own trying to raise her baby. One has to wonder how is it if having a baby before marriage is so difficult, why so many people still get pregnant, thereby altering their lives forever. It’s worth talking about because you may be thinking some of the same things people who get pregnant out of wedlock are thinking. So here goes.

They Think They’re In Love
When a person thinks they’re in love, nothing else matters. All they want is to keep that feeling alive, that feeling of being super in love

It seems that girls get pregnant because they are so in love with their partners that they do not see anything else.

and cherished and accepted by the opposite sex. The hard, cold reality of unprotected sex does not make a difference on these people. They’re living on the we’re in lovehigh and nothing else matters. But then, oops, life has a way of showing up and someone gets pregnant. It seems that girls get pregnant because they are so in love with their partners that they do not see anything else, like what the consequences could be.(Mehaa)

It Can’t Happen To MeSyndrome
Have you ever wondered why most soldiers are like 19 or 20 years old? It’s because when a person is young, he/she can feel bulletproof, like nothing’s going to

Teenagers are kind of in denial. The whole we’re invincible’ stuff is what runs through our head during every situation.

happen to them. Some people feel that way about getting pregnant. They play sexual Russian Roulette and don’t think for a moment they will get unlucky and end up pregnant. Sadly, many of these people are wrong. There’s an old saying that goes, If you play with the instruments, you will get music.People who play and don’t plan for the consequences often end up paying far more than they bargained for.Teenagers are kind of in denial. The whole we’re invincible’ stuff is what runs through our head during every situation. So if we find someone that we have feelings for and they want to have sex, a teen most likely would. Rebelling for some reason is what teenagers like to do, so having sex is a way to show the parents that you are an adult and you can take care of yourself…(P.J.)

They Want A Child To Love
There are some girls who are so lonely and empty they convince themselves having a baby will give them love. The baby somehow will know to give love back to their mother. But the fact of the matter is babies may be cute, but for the most part they’re takers who have great needs. Early in their lives, they have no concept of how to love their mother or father. Teenagers and young adults who plan on having a baby should get their love from some other source, and then give it to the baby unconditionally. They should expect the baby to give back. [Pregnancy] is a growing problem that has a lot of reasons. Many of the girls come from broken homes or parents who don’t pay enough attention to them. They are looking for someone to love and they think they will find it in a baby.(Emily)

They Want Attention
Some girls see their friends get pregnant and watch all the attention the new mother gets. They say to themselves, If I got pregnant, I could get that attention too.And since these people are suffering from a love and attention deficit, getting attention no matter what the consequences seems like a good option. These people don’t think about the huge commitment they are making for a tiny bit of attention for just a little time.They see other people with babies, and how much attention they get, and decide Hey, maybe I should have a kid too'(Richard)

They Are Trying To Keep Their Guy
It is true. Some girls actually think if they get pregnant to a guy, he is more likely to stay in the relationship. Sometimes that is true,

Getting pregnant to keep a guy is the riskiest reason of all. It almost never works.

but usually the opposite happens. On my radio show, Dawson McAllister Live, I hear hundreds of stories of girls who get pregnant and when they’re boyfriend finds out, he runs. I call it sex and run. When he finds out his girlfriend is pregnant, he doesn’t think about the baby or his girlfriend. He only thinks about getting out of a jam. Getting pregnant to keep a guy is the riskiest reason of all. It almost never works.Another time I came across someone who became pregnant so the guy couldn’t leave herOthers get pregnant to keep a punk boy around(Richard and Emily)

There are more reasons than what I have listed of why people get pregnant. Whatever the reason, everyone should think hard and fast about the consequences. Babies are wonderful when you’re ready for them, but something quite the opposite when you are not. Just remember, life has a way of showing up. And if you get pregnant out of wedlock, the whole course of your life changes forever.

What would you do if you find out you were pregnant? If a guy, what would you do if you found out your girlfriend was pregnant?

**If you are pregnant and wondering what to do, download your free eBook.**

Comparing Love vs. Lust

by Dawson McAllister

Love Gives, Lust Takes

A relationship based on lust can be devastating. It’s impossible to know how many people’s lives have been really messed up because of lust. I do know lust has left a lot of people as hurting victims. Amy sent me a poem this week about lust. It’s pretty deep. Got me thinking. Thought you might like it.

I desire in the moment, not in the heart
I chose to spend a night with you,
But those hours were spent in lust,
I felt your passion,
Touched by dominance,
I felt something in me I stared into your eyes,
But after the moments over I begin to despise,
I have a heart that believes the words you say,
I don’t know how I will be able to walk away,
But I praise myself if I don’t think of you today.
My dreams wander to the person I love,
You constantly reappear,
I force myself to vomit thoughts of you,
I slip into sinful fantasies,
But the night is a painful reminder,
That I remain alone.- Amy

How To Know It’s Really Love

Love is every bit as beautiful as lust is ugly. Lust causes so much confusion it can lead you in the opposite direction of where love is. So you go down the road of lust thinking you will find love only to find emptiness and a craving for more love. I appreciate the comment Dara sent me. Her words were honest, straightforward, and cold as ice. That’s what lust will do to you turn you into someone as cold as ice. I hate being alone and find lust easier than love. Lust does hurt, each and every time. I know what the outcome will be and [yet] I still touch the hot stove with my bare hand. Maybe for girls, all women, all ages that are dealing with and understanding what I’m saying I leave you with this one thought…… We have to LUST TO FIND LOVE, the world is cold and when we find something warm it feels so good so we lust. Lust to me is what you have to go through to find your love, the world isn’t a perfect place. Problem is lust seldom leads to love.

So what are the differences between love and lust that would make them such opposites? There are far too many differences for me to list in one blog, but a few will suffice.

Love

Lust

Is a passionate and deep affection for the other person.

Is an intense craving for sexual desire.

Is patient and can wait to give. As someone once said, True love waits.

Can’t wait to get. It is demanding and impulsive like someone screaming in your ear, I want it now!

Is a decision we make. It is an act of the will with undying commitment.

Is immersed in emotion and cravings that refuse to make a commitment that will last.

Wants the best for the other person.

Wants to be with someone only for what they can offer you.

Doesn’t expect anything. Is unconditional.

Is conditional and will only survive if it gets what it wants.

Learns to trust.

Is jealous and suspicious.

Gives freedom to the other.

Seeks to control and manipulate.

Does not get angry easily.

Quickly turns to rage and attacks.

Always protects.

Takes to tear down and destroy.

Never rude but treats the other with immense respect.

Shows no respect and is cruel.

Is always kind looking for ways to show the other its true self.

Is always trying to hide its true nature by deceiving and manipulating.

It is true that lust causes confusion, sometimes fooling us and luring us into its trap. But most of the time, we recognize lust for what it is and choose to follow it blindly. Somehow we hope lust will bring us to a happy ending. It never does. It can’t. It does not know how. Lust will never change. It will always be what it is.

Love wants to lead us to the right path where there is happiness, hope, and a deep sense of self-respect. Click To Tweet

Love never changes either. Love wants to lead us to the right path where there is happiness, hope, and a deep sense of self-respect. Love always gives because God is love. So ask yourself again, Am I in love or am I fooling myself all the while walking into the cruel trap of lust? The decision is ours and will always be so. Will we walk down the road of love or lust? How we answer this question will dictate what our lives will become. Choose love.

For more information on how to understand why you are making the dating choices you are and how to make better ones, check out TheHopeLine’s eBook: Understanding Dating.

Why Lust is Destructive

by Dawson McAllister

2 Reasons Lust Is Destructive

Everyone currently dating needs to ask the question…Am I in love or am I in lust? Whatever you do, don’t mess up on this question or you will walk into a world of hurt.

Lust literally means over-desire. It is when you take something that is good, twist it, and add cravings to it so you are consumed until you are gratified. When we speak of lust as it relates to relationships with the opposite sex, it can be defined this way – when a person’s body is far more important to you than his or her soul.

Love is the foundation our families and society are based on. Lust is just a physical emotion that we act upon when we get caught up in the moment. However, most of us fall in love with someone we find physically attractive. Because of this, hurt and confusion can easily be caused when you or your partner confuse love and lust with each other. Lust is an intense sexual desire or appetite that is based on self-gratification and has little to do with true feelings for the other person. As someone once said, “Lust is as different from love as night is from day.”That’s because love is an act of the will, covered with a deeply passionate and tender affection for another person. Lust wants to get, love longs to give.

Lust is as different from love as night is from day. #chooselove Click To Tweet

This week, I want to blog on the destructiveness of lust because it’s easy to think, “So what’s the problem with lust?” After all, it is all around us, in songs, movies, advertisements, etc. Lust sells because it appeals to the dark side of us that only wants to get.

Here are two serious problems with relationships built on lust…

It is based on extreme self-indulgence, not caring about the other person. Someone once said, “Hate is the opposite of love.”That is true, but so is self-indulgence. Love can hardly wait to give. Lust can hardly wait to get. Lust turns people into liars, deceivers, and manipulators. Their actions towards others are based on the craving to get. Just as a junkie will do about anything to get his fix, so someone steeped in lust will do about anything to be self-gratified. I received an incredible, insightful comment from Sarah. She said, I dated guy after guy who would only tell me that they loved me when we were being physical. That was when they loved me. The rest of the time I was an object of abuse and rejection. Sarah was wrong in one sense. She said, “They loved me when we were being physical.”She should have said, “They loved themselves when we were being physical and I was the object of their gratification.”Lust is always ugly because it is self-indulgent and self-centeredness is never a pretty thing.
It abandons the other person when it is no longer getting what it wants. I can’t tell you how many times girls have called me on my radio show to announce they were pregnant, their boyfriend is long gone, and they are left all alone. I call it Sex and run.I hate hit and run accidents because the person who is running is showing zero responsibility towards the person he/she hit. Lust that causes sex and run is even worse. As soon as lust no longer gets what it wants and is forced to face responsibility, it runs…leaving heartbreak in its path. Sex and run is an ugly thing full of selfishness and irresponsibility. I have been in this situation a couple of times. I went out with a guy for a year and a half which ended up being a waste of time. I thought I loved him but really I just loved being with someone cause I was afraid of being alone. He only wanted me for my body… that was all. I didn’t give it to him so he cheated on me for a long time.(Samantha) It’s amazing to me how quickly people in lust scatter when they figure out their lust will not be gratified. Aimee Rose sent me a really cool comment I had never thought of before. She said something like this, I’ve heard you can never fall out of ‘love’, but you can always fall out of a lust. You’re right on the money Aimee Rose. Lust will die in an instant if it is not being fed. In fact, lust can turn to anger when it is rejected. About 6 months ago I was with this guy and I thought it was love. I mean he said all the right things done all the right things. I really thought I was in love but it turned out that relationship was no were near love. We had a lot of fights and arguments about sex because he was ready and I wasn’t. Well he didn’t get what he wanted so he up and left. For a long time I was dazed and confused but finally I got to thinking that if that was love then he wouldn’t of cared about sleeping with me he would of just gotten pleasure from being around me(Lisa M.)

Lust attacks not only guys, but females as well. So always keep your eyes open for it so you can do all you can to protect yourself from this destructive monster. You deserve so much better. You are worth so much more. Remember, lust kills, but love brings life.

Am I in Lust?

by Dawson McAllister

Don’t Confuse Love and Lust

I find so many people who call my radio show confused between lust and love. Love is the most abused word in the human language often being used instead of what it really is lust. Lust can cause deep confusion and destruction. So often I will hear a caller say, “I am in love.”When in reality, it is not love at all. Sometimes it’s infatuation. Other times it’s nothing more than raw lust. There are times I want to yell into the microphone at my studio and say to the caller, “Don’t call it love because it’s not!”

As you read this blog, I want you to really think with me on what I’m about to say. It may challenge your thinking and feelings, but in the end it could clear up a lot of confusion and save you from a lot of pain.

So what is lust? Lust literally means to over desire. It is when you take something that is good, twist it, and add cravings to it until you are consumed with what you want to have. When we speak of lust as it relates to relationships with the opposite sex, it can be defined this way – “when a person’s body is far more important than their soul.”

I received some awesome definitions of lust from some in my radio audience:

Lust is selfishly dwelling on and fantasizing about sexual activities or entertaining sexually arousing thoughts with no thoughts of the other person’s feelings. Love doesn’t lust.(Jonathan)
Lust is when you look at someone with passion for their body. And don’t really see who they truly are or who they want to be other than your trophy and toy.(Megan)
Love lasts forever, but lust only lasts for awhile.(Deanna)

Love lasts forever, but lust only lasts for awhile. #chooselove Click To Tweet

As I researched this topic of lust, I have found many definitions. I have listed some below.

Lust…

Causes the brain to produce the same reaction as if on cocaine or speed. Lust really is like a drug, it leaves you wanting more. (Dr. Jon Marsden – Director of the National Addiction Center)
Comes quickly and leaves quickly.
Only wants to get into bed with you.
Is a craving for self gratification, usually sexual.
Focuses only on the outward appearance.
Is impatient.
Is rude and manipulates.
Seeks to get and never give.
Self-centered.
Doesn’t care about others.
Is jealous and insecure.
Seeks revenge and doesn’t forgive.
Covers up and lies about wrongdoings.
Will do whatever it wants to get its way.
Leaves when it’s no longer getting.

Lust seeks to get and never give. Click To Tweet

Every person who has ever dated or lived has struggled with lust. If you haven’t yet, you will. But you can resist entering into a relationship built on lust. With an understanding of what lust is and it’s selfish motivations, you can say no to a lust-driven relationship and choose love instead. You deserve love.

Have you ever liked someone a lot and found out they only wanted you for your body? Have you ever thought you loved someone but realized it was only lust? Share your thoughts below. I want to hear from you.

Your Friend,
Dawson

Friends With Benefits

by Dawson McAllister

I have decided to blog on the whole subject of “friends with benefits” because it has become so huge in our culture, especially among high school and college students. Plus, the phrase itself got me thinking. I mean, who really benefits? Is it a 50/50 benefit? What is the actual BENEFIT?

Can there be friends with benefits and still friends after the benefits are gone? Can someone have sex, even casual sex, without it affecting them emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc? Your comments have helped me better understand the entire issue. After all I’ve heard on my show and read in your comments, it’s worth talking about.

So what are friends with benefits?

Here’s one definition I found: A friend with benefits is a casual relationship between two people who engage in sex without demanding or expecting a more committed, romantic relationship.

There are other ways you could define “friends with benefits”:

It’s sex with a friend…

With no strings attached.
Just for fun.
Without romantic drama.
Whenever you want it.
Without emotional attachment.

One student described “friends with benefits” like this, “You know, you go out on a date – dinner and a movie sometimes. You know, just as friends. And then afterwards, there’s the benefits. It’s like a drug almost. You know where you can get it and you know where you can get it CHEAP. And that’s where you go.” It is “like a drug” and it is “cheap”. Those are not words I would use to describe a meaningful relationship that is mutually rewarding and beneficial.

Christina gave a female’s perspective of what she thought “friends with benefits” are, “I am currently in a friends with benefits thing, but it’s more like we’re casual sex partners. I wasn’t sure it was possible, because I tend to get really attached, but managed to stay distant.” “Casual” and “distant” also don’t describe a meaningful relationship with healthy benefits.

Why Do People Want “Friends With Benefits”?

No Commitment
There are some people who are fearful of a committed relationship. To them, commitment is something scary. Maybe they have been abandoned in the past or hurt by someone they committed themselves to and so now they are afraid to trust anyone again. Because of their fear they miss out on a true meaningful relationship. You can read more about abandonment issues here.
Fear of Rejection
There are many people who are afraid of being rejected. This is especially true in romantic relationships. Some people have been rejected by parents or bullies at school. These people are very cautious about relationships. Jennifer explained it well, “I think a lot of people have friends with benefits instead of relationships because they don’t want to get close to anyone for fear of getting hurt.”
It’s A Drug
Physiologically the act of sex causes a chemical reaction in the brain that is similar to a drug effect. God designed this for a committed relationship to draw two people together for life. When it is used casually it becomes a dangerous and unhealthy addiction rather than a relationship. Read more about addiction here.

It is easy to see why so many people might think they want a “friend with benefits” experience. The reality is they walk away from it completely unfulfilled or even deeply hurt. The problem is they are not dealing with the real issue, which is healing from past experiences and relationships.

For more insight into the opposite sex download one of our free eBooks today.

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

by Dawson McAllister

I was blown away by the tons of comments I received from my last blog, My Boyfriend Hurt Me.(I read every one of them) And so, I decided to post a whole series of blogs on

Why Girls Give In To Guys?

I THINK some girls give in to guys because they’re searching for love from a guy and think they will find it by having sex. Most girls don’t say, I want sex with my boyfriend. They say, How can I get my boyfriend to love me?and then bargain away their bodies hoping he will stay. Some of your comments regarding my last blog brought this up. For example:

And I imagine that if I were in the same spot [as Alicia], the things that would go through my mind would be, If I do not do this they will not accept me. They won’t like me anymore. They’ll find someone else.’ Ally

Ally’s fear is if she does not give in to her boyfriend’s pressure, he will leave her and she won’t be lovedanymore. Another comment was especially powerful:

[When I have sex,] I feel loved and wanted, that’s why I give in. Hoping that something will come out of it and it never does. If I can feel wanted, even if it’s in a sexual way, I like it, but yet on the other hand, I don’t. Mandy

Mandy couldn’t have put it any clearer. For the relatively few brief moments she is having sex, Mandy somehow feels loved. But after it’s over, the empty words she’s heard and being alone again only leaves her unfulfilled and searching for more.

I received a comment from a really honest guy who doesn’t seem to understand how some girls grasp for love and will do just about anything to get it. He wrote

I am 16 years old. I really love this girl but I feel really bad about what I do to her. She knows I cheat on her with this girl that goes to my school but she keeps coming back and I feel so bad. I don’t know what to do and it makes me feel desperate and really bad inside. Garrett

What Garrett and many others don’t seem to understand is sex in and of itself is not love. People have loveless sex everyday (like friends with benefits). You can also have love without sex. (Think of a man who loves his wife deeply, but she is dieing of Cancer. Can he not love her without having sex with her?) Genuine sex is a physical, emotional, and spiritual expression of true love. But true love demands deep commitment, trust, and respect.

While sex (for sex’s sake) can never meet someone’s need for love, it does stir up a deep desire for it. That is why sex (for sex’s sake) is so cruel. When a guy has sex with a girl, she almost always feels closer to him and wants true love in return. But then he leaves her, and she is left wanting even more love. Instead, she feels alone and used.

There’s no use looking for love with all the wrong people doing all the wrong things, because you won’t find it there.

I’d love to hear from you on this week’s blog. Also, here’s a question I’d like your opinion on for next week’s blog:

Why do you think girls who have poor relationships with their fathers give into sex?

My Boyfriend Hurt Me

by Dawson McAllister

[He] Made Me do Nasty Stuff that I Really Didn’t Want to Do.

I am 14 years and I listen to your show as much as I can. I had a hard time last year because one boy I like was at the bowling alley and made me do nasty stuff that I really didn’t want to do.

I’ve heard a similar story many, many times before and it breaks my heart. She met this boy she really liked. But by the time their relationship ended, she felt used and probably ashamed. Why? Because, “[he] made me do nasty stuff that I really didn’t want to do.”

It makes me wonder what her ex-boyfriend was thinking. Why did he push her to do things sexually that violated and hurt her? Maybe he felt like he was in love with her, and wanted his sexual passion to become even more intense. But the truth is, he did not really love her. You see, love never demands someone to do something that would violate another. Love does not trash someone else’s deeply held values. The term love is one of the most misunderstood and abused words in the dictionary. Sometimes, when a guy says to a girl, I love you, he is really saying, I don’t love you. I love me and what sexual favors you do for me.

Don't listen to what a guy says. Watch what he does. #loveisrespect Click To Tweet

When a guy really loves a girl, he will do everything he can to protect her. Someone once said, “Love can always wait to give. Lust can’t wait to get.” I don’t really know what Alicia’s ex-boyfriend was saying to her. My guess is he told her he loved her and if she loved him, she would do things he wanted her to do. He was lying to her, or he was terribly confused. I often say on my radio show, Dawson McAllister Live, something very simple: “Don’t listen to what a guy says. Watch what he does.” Whatever Alicia’s ex-boyfriend said to her, his actions proved him wrong. I believe in guys (I happen to be one myself), but I’m tired of some guys using girls just for their own cheap thrills.

Your friend,
Dawson

Sex

Before I Became a Christian and Pornography Addiction

God Used a Movie to Get My Attention

My Family Was Against my Faith

God’s Message to Me

Are you struggling with an addiction to pornography, know there is hope and Jesus loves you. Through His grace, you are forgiven and you can overcome your addiction. Download TheHopeLine’s free eBook today.

A Deceitful & Hurtful Relationship

Enough is Enough

A Search for Hope

It’s a Journey

Hurt Again, but Stronger with God

God’s Love is Greater Than a Broken Heart

If you are questioning whether your relationship is healthy or toxic, we are here to help you through this.

No Protection for Regret and Broken Hearts?

No Protection for Being Used

No Protection for a Ruined Reputation

No Heart Protection

Questions to Ask Before Starting to Date

In This Episode:

Unrealistic Expectations

Spiritual and Emotional Completeness

Jumped into Dating Way Too Quickly

Epitome of a Relationship Disaster

Carousel of Heartbreak

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Would you consider doing something for me?

One last thing,

Above All Else, Guard Your Heart…

In This Episode:

Hurt Repeatedly

Confused and Miserable

It Takes Courage to Leave a Toxic Relationship

Mixed Signals and Obsession

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Resources for Identifying a Toxic Relationship:

Would you consider doing something for me?

One last thing,

Going Through the Pain of Being Cheated On

In This Episode:

Hoops He Needed to Jump Through After Breaking Her Trust

I Don’t Care Enough About You To Stay Faithful.

Cheated On Multiple Times

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Resources for cheating:

Would you consider doing something for me?

One last thing,

In the next episode, join me as I speak with Kayla, Lee and Tarah, each of them pregnant and needing guidance. Kayla is not sure who the birth father is, Lee’s boyfriend is addicted to drugs and alcohol, and Tarah has a life and death decision to make.

Facing the Consequences of Cheating.

Sometimes You Make Choices and Sometimes Your Choices Make You.

In This Episode:

What Counts as Cheating in Relationships?

Should He Confess?

He Cheated and Got an STD

She Had Sex With His Father

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Resources to understand why you’re cheating:

Would you consider doing something for me?

One last thing,

How to Stop Lust from Invading Your Life.

In This Episode:

Did Today’s Episode Get You Thinking?

Resources for help with lust:

Would you consider doing something for me?

One last thing,

The next episode is about how to know when you’re in love.

“My rage at God had manifested itself in my everyday life.”

The journey toward healing begins with the truth.

Here is Sarah Kate’s Story: (Grab a tissue, you are going to need it.)

What Should I Do If I’ve Been Raped?

Did You Say Grateful for Fifty Shades of Grey?

If you are a human trafficking victim and want to be rescued….call the confidential 24/7 RESCUE HOTLINE 404.941.6024 today.

What if human trafficking and pornography are more linked than we think?

The Role of Sex Trafficking in Pornography

What is Sex Trafficking?

How Does Sex Trafficking Interact with Pornography?

If you are a human trafficking victim and want to be rescued….call the confidential 24/7 RESCUE HOTLINE 404.941.6024 today.

If you are struggling with a pornography addiction and want more for your life, check out our eBook for more information about how to overcome the destructive addiction to pornography. thl.cta.load("43761550259cd4110305546.04476948");

If you are fighting an addiction to pornography, you are not alone…68% of young men and 18% of women use porn at least once a week.

It is time to get the help you need. You too can be porn free.

If you are struggling with a pornography addiction and want more for your life, download our free eBook!

If you are struggling with a pornography addiction and want more for your life, check out our eBook for more information about how to overcome the destructive addiction to pornography.

Check out our free eBook for more information about how to overcome the destructive addiction to pornography.

Learn more about PTSD, by downloading your free eBook.

You are not alone.This video is about a girl I talked with on my radio show. She was struggling with PTSD from a traumatic event in her life.