There is value in being fearless and bold in the pursuit of your dreams. But for some guys, their dream is to date the most amazing girl they know to the point they don't know when to stop pursuing this dream.
So, let's have an honest look at when it may be time to give up.
Signs it May be Time to Stop Pursuing a Girl
In life, persistence often pays off. But when it comes to a guy pursuing a girl, it can be just plain confusing.
Danny wrote: There's this girl who I really like. But I have no idea whether she likes me or not. Sometimes she acts like she does, but other times she doesn't. I'm just confused.
Well, Danny - here are some obvious signs that it might be time to move on. But then keep reading for great tips on how to pursue a girl in a more appropriate way.
12 Signs to Move On
- When she obviously avoids you
- If you show an interest in her, but she seems to ignore you
- She acts one way around you, and another way around her friends
- No longer responds to your calls/texts/emails/snaps
- She asks you to stop
- Or tells you you're coming on too strong
- Your friends tell you to move on
- She talks to you about another guy she's interested in
- If she seems bothered, irritated or angry at you
- Your self-esteem starts to suffer for it
- You start to think you are going crazy about the whole situation
- If you're wondering if you should stop pursuing her, it's probably time.
Skye wrote: People need to use the common sense the good Lord gave them. When something in your head tells you not to do something, don't do it. You'll thank yourself later.
Roy wrote: Everyone I knew early on told us it would never work out, but I stayed with her to prove them wrong. In the end it left me more broken and confused. Had I listened early on I would have saved myself a great deal of trouble and pain.
The most annoying guys are the ones who are convinced they have to be with this one particular girl, even though they might not even really know her. These guys are usually so strongly attracted to something about this girl, that he thinks he's in love before he even knows her.
Bottom line - if it is taking a lot of effort to get her interested and she is showing no indication she likes you, it is time to back off for both of your sakes.
So how can you pursue a girl in an appropriate way?
Relationships take time to develop. You can't force your way into someone else's life.
First, just seek to be friends.
Give yourself time to get to know her. But even more importantly, give her time to get to know you. You deserve someone who is interested in you, as well.
Second, don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are.
That's a lot of pressure on a girl. She wants someone who is happy and confident in their own right.
Third, show her respect.
Most girls love to be pursued by a guy or viewed as someone special. Most of the time they appreciate a guy's persistence and confidence. But more than anything, a girl wants to be respected and valued. The more respect you can show as you pursue her, the better.
Fourth, give the chase a rest.
If you stop pursuing her, and give the chase a rest, you might find out the answer you're looking for. If she's interested in you, she may try to find out where you've been. She might actually become more interested in you, because you're not trying so hard. But you might also find that she doesn't care that you've stopped pursuing her. That's a good sign that you were pursuing the wrong girl. It's probably time to take a break, and hope that you can get to know each other as friends over time.
Fifth, relax.
Be relaxed in your pursuit of your dream girl. Don't act like your entire happiness depends on her realizing how wonderful you are. Keep in mind there are plenty of girls in the world, some of whom will find you attractive and well worth their time.
Sixth, don't change who you are.
I know you like this girl a lot, but you don’t want a relationship that is this much work. You don't want to pretend to be someone else just to stay in a relationship. That's exhausting. You deserve someone who likes you just the way you are! Create healthy boundaries for yourself. Boundaries are emotional markers that clearly define where one person ends, and the other person begins.
Healthy boundaries allow you to be free to be yourself, and not feel like your happiness is dependent on what another person thinks about you.
God created you just the way you are. You are uniquely you with your talents, sense of humor, interests, and style. God designed you with a purpose and has great plans for you. Don't let a girl ever make you question if you are good enough and if you should change.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Do you put yourself down all the time? Want to stop? Read this checklist of 10 ways to increase your self-esteem for a healthier self-image.
The time to stop pursuing a girl is before you even start. Seriously, why possible benefit could there be to being in a relationship with a woman? And don't talk to them - there's no point.
Thank you for sharing
People advise me to keep trying … keep falling down and being kicked in the heart by women I thought cared about me … but keep trying, they say. As a severely introverted man, I am completely invisible to women, and to get them to even acknowledge my existence takes all the energy I have – and then they reject me, literally every one I’ve ever tried to get to know. You will - as others have - no doubt, tell me that I’m doing something wrong – that this is my fault. The fact is, men have to compete for women’s attention against other men and guys like me stand zero chance against other guys who *can* be confident around women, because to become confident, a guy needs positive experience. I have zero experience because no woman has ever said yes to me. Women are not interested in me – and there is no evidence to the contrary.
You may be punching to high. More than likely, you are overlooking women who aren't conventionally beautiful (and also not unattractive), but who, if you wouldn't be so superficial, are the most beautiful women on the inside that you would ever have the pleasure of meeting. You may want to try to get honest about your own looks, the way you dress, what your conversation consists of, and whether or not you are coming off as desperate. And yes, you absolutely need to have confidence and that comes from inner work on yourself. Good luck. There is someone out there for you, you just sound like you're looking in all the wrong places.
Some of the most confident people in the world have zero positive experiences to stand on. You just gotta not care what people think of you. Granted accept the signs that she is giving you and move on if they're all negative. Confidence is having the ability to know that you deserve to be treated the best and if she's giving you no signs then its her loss. Beauty is all subjective. Some girls like blonde dudes, some like brunettes. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Be the best that you can be and make self improvements everyday. Get a cool hairstyle, workout, find a skill to improve. Work hard at something so you can be proud and build this confidence. Even at the end of the day just remember God made you amazing even if you don't think so. Getting girls is a skill. Practice! Practice! Practice! Its all a numbers game you just gotta not get hurt if you get rejected. Seriously, next girl you're attracted to go up and talk to her. Even if you screw up you're getting better for next time. I found a 10 percent success rate after approaching 10 girls, just cold approaches no context to help me whatsoever. That girl is now my girlfriend. Pray to God ! Seriously definitely helped me. Good Luck !
I have many close woman friends, dress very stylishly, get an haircut every 2 weeks, go to a gym 4 times per week, hold 2 PhDs, have a high paying job in a great profession and own 3 residential properties outright (I live in one and rent two) where I live, as well two vacation properties (also debt-free). “[Y]ou just gotta not get hurt if you get rejected,” you say. The fact is, for me - I will be rejected every time because other guys are attractive (nothing to do with looks - they just are), so women are interested in them. I am fundamentally unattractive no matter what I do so I will never be chosen by any woman irrespective of her physical appearance. As such, There is no point in me approaching any woman because rejection is always guaranteed.
So as a third party outside observer (which is all any of us here can be), I see a lot of similarities between your personality/temperament/self-esteem and my own. It’s sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy and there’s a lot of confirmation bias at play when your expectation and perception (whether fair or not) is simply rejection at every turn. I’m more guilty of this than most so don’t mean it in any offensive way whatsoever. But realistically if you’ve resigned yourself to the idea that you are “fundamentally unattractive” no matter what you do, you’re only going to see validation of that belief because it’s what you’re expecting and looking for. This is something I struggle with a bunch and point to factors like never having a relationship or someone take interest in me as confirmation of that belief. I think a lot of the problem inherent in that mindset is this underlying belief/fear that real happiness will only come from external sources (namely another person) and that finding the right person is all that really matters. This is probably not what you want to hear, but maybe instead of the hollow “keep trying” advice you are frustrated with receiving, just take a step away from “trying” so hard and focus on other things for a bit. Personally, I got to a point where I was so myopically and centrally focused on trying to find someone else to be happy and chasing after something that seemed so elusive and look for others for my own self-validation or to prove to myself that I could be good enough for someone else that I became really depressed and missed out on life and a lot of great things around me for a long time. I neglected friendships, self-care, etc. and lost a lot of things that I didn’t realize were important because I was so worried about finding something else. Take a look at the first half of your last response and realize while it might not be everything you want or have dreamed about having, you actually have quite a lot of positive things going for you that you should be very proud of and happy about. Maybe for a little while, focus on these things and find happiness, purpose, and confidence in these things, instead of chasing the things you don’t (yet) have. I happen to think it will work itself out one day as it was intended, but there’s no real point in stressing over it endlessly to the point that it makes you doubt yourself or feel down about your chances. For the most part, people are attracted to happiness. And women are especially perceptive in picking up on other’s energy or “vibe” or whatever you want to call it. Starting a relationship in order to find happiness or validation never ends well because it never begins well. Thinking about it or obsessing and stressing over it won’t make things change (what’s the saying, a watched pot never boils?) and no matter how amazing or special someone may be, your own happiness and self-worth shouldn’t be so deeply linked or dependent upon one person’s acceptance. The only acceptance you really need from someone is from yourself first and foremost. If you want advice other than “keep trying,” the only person here that really gets you and can help you is yourself. It’s easier said than done and probably not what you want to hear, but just be yourself and focus on the other areas of life that give you meaning, purpose, and happiness. Invest in your work, make even more plans with the friends you have (who knows maybe something unexpected could blossom from one of those friendships one day but likely not if it’s forced or premeditated). Find something else that you enjoy (a sports league or community service, etc.) and invest in those things (or at least make sure you don’t neglect them like I did to the point that you lose them). There are very few things we can control so focus on those things for the time being and maybe life will surprise you one day. That’s really all I can offer you, but what do I know lol I’m just some random college student on the internet who’s never dated anyone so take it for what it’s worth and good luck! I’m rooting for you and hope it all works out!