How To Stop Lying

Lying is a Horribly Destructive Habit 

Any destructive habit leads to painful consequences. When we choose to lie, we choose to suffer. Think how much better off we’d be if we would stop lying and live in the truth. Listen to the words of Jennifer: "I was lied to my whole life by my mother…every day it was something new. After living with her for 14 years, I sometimes find myself exaggerating, and making up stories to seem cool. I don’t ever want to be like my mother, so how do I stop before I hurt my family, friends, and myself?"

Jennifer realizes lying can go from one generation to the next. One hurt person will then hurt another person because the curse of lying is not stopped.

Once we see how easy it can be to lie and to control what other people think about us, we start sliding down that slippery slope leading to a miserable, addicted place.

So, the most important question we can ask today is: How do we stop lying?

8 Practical Steps to Stop Lying

1. Admit you have a problem.

This is always the first, biggest, and most difficult step. Find someone you trust and tell them about your lying habit…no matter how big or small you think the problem is. The fact is you don’t want to lie anymore, but you can’t stop lying on your own. You need help to stay accountable. Megan said: "When I met the man who is now my husband, I knew I needed to work on [my lying] because I wanted/needed to be completely truthful with him. I told him that I wanted his help, and was amazed that he loved me enough to stick with me (even the few times I lied to him) and fight it out with me."

2. Remind yourself how lying messes up your life.

Lying destroys relationships and adds a tremendous burden to your life. Understanding that there will be consequences is a powerful deterrent in breaking the habit of lying. Phillip suffered the consequences of his lying in a big way: "I used to lie all the time, and I would normally end up getting caught in the end. It took me going to prison to find out that the truth is a much better way to go than to lie about everything. Take the time to think about what the consequences are going to be of what I say or are about to do?"

3. Try to figure out what pressured you to lie.

What were you trying to hide? What would have been a better way, to tell the truth? For example, all addicts feel they must lie to cover up their addiction. The more they cover up their addiction, the better they get at lying and deceiving. Almost every lie has a reason behind it. Wrong actions almost always lead to lies. The reason Hannah lies is to control people around her. That in itself can be an addiction. "I try not to lie but if I see someone that I like pulling away from me because they think I’m weird I’ll start telling lies to get me closer to them. I end up living this horrible lie."

4. Tell someone when you lie.

Admitting a lie can make a world of difference, and while it might hurt your pride, it’s far better than being a liar. Even better, confess to the person you lied to immediately and seek their forgiveness. This is humbling, but it will cause you to stop and think before you tell another lie. Someone once said Confession is good for the soul. And it is also good at helping us break bad habits.

It would also be wise to confess your lying before God. After all, He’s heard every lie you’ve ever told. And when you confess, you can also ask God to help you break the habit. The Bible promises God will always show us a way out:

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13.

God actually has a lot to say about lying in the Bible. Check out these Verses of Hope for Lying.

5. Be realistic about what you promise to others.

Deliberately broken promises are lies that lead to broken hearts. If you promise to do something and never intend to follow through, that is a lie. Additionally, many lies begin as a way to cover up the fact we can’t possibly do everything we promised we were going to do. Be honest about what you’re capable of doing, admitting to yourself and others your limitations, and you won’t feel a need to lie.

6. Talk to others about their expectations of you.

If you find yourself lying to cover up how you have fallen short of others expectations of you have a conversation with your parents, friends, or teachers in order to come to an agreement about what is reasonable for them to expect. Don’t sell yourself short. You may not be expecting enough of yourself, but an open discussion to get everyone on the same page is important.

7. Practice telling the truth.

When you start to feel the urge to lie, stop and think for a moment. Think about what the other person would feel about you if they knew you were lying. Think about how you would feel if people lied to you all the time. And then, as painful as it may seem, tell the truth. The more we tell others the truth, the easier it is to continue to do it. Lying is a bad habit. Telling the truth is a good habit. Work on breaking your bad habit by replacing it with a good one. Angel said: "It spreads like wildfire when someone is caught lying. Then when the person is actually telling the truth, no one will believe them because they have told so many lies. For the sake of your family, friends, and loved ones, always tell the truth even if you are afraid of the outcome!”

8. Commit to a life of honesty, at all costs.

Telling the truth might be horribly uncomfortable for you, but you’re starting to walk down a path of honesty and integrity, turning yourself into the person you desire to be. If you don’t know the answer to a question, don’t lie and make something up. Say, I don’t know. The freedom of the truth will be liberating.

Like any Addiction - It's Not Easy to Stop Lying...But Worth It.

Let’s be honest…it is going to be very difficult to stop lying. Claudia admitted: "I have learned that when you start lying it is hard to stop. It takes a lot of hard work and determination to get over a habit that has been a big part of your life."

However, as you wake up to the reality of what you’re saying and doing and put a stop to the lies you are telling, you will soon reap the benefits of living a peaceful life. I promise, if you put forth an effort to stop this toxic and destructive habit right now, you’ll be grateful forever.

Leave a comment below. I’d love to hear what you think are some of the rewards of being honest?

For more help to stop lying check out, Top Two Reasons You Should Stop Lying Plus How Liars Get Caught

Dawson McAllister
Dawson McAllister, also known as America's youth pastor, was an author, radio host, speaker, and founder of TheHopeLine. McAllister attended Bethel College in Minnesota for undergraduate work where he graduated in 1968, began graduate studies at Talbot School of Theology in California, and received an honorary doctorate from Biola University.
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297 comments on “How To Stop Lying”

  1. I am sorry you are struggling with this, but there is still hope. Recognizing you have a lying problem and wanting to change is the first step. You and your boyfriend will learn a lot through reading TheHopeLine® eBook, "Understanding Lying." Getting to the root of the problem will start you on a path of healing. Download it here - http://info.thehopeline.com/lying-ebook

  2. I have come to the realization that I have a compulsive lying problem that I cannot break. My boyfriend of 5 years is on the verge of leaving and I'm scared to death I have messed up for the last time and there isn't going to be a way to salvage what we had. I have to fix me, not just for him, but for myself and my son. How can I fix this. A simply apology isn't going to get me anywhere.

  3. HI I'm 18 years old and I have a habit of lying i just ruined my relationship due to this problem I really liked this person we were together for a long time and due to my lying we had to end things. It tears me apart but it is my fault I said to him that I wanted to change and I tried but it's so hard I was always being doubted and I understand why but even when I would say the truth about something he wouldn't believe me and honestly I don't blame him for thinking that way, I mean I did ruin it with lies but I really want to change for the better but I need support

  4. I just destroyed my relationship with the love of my life because of my habitual lying and I want to stop. I need help. I want to face her again as a better person who overcame this ugly trait that has destroyed my relationships with people for so long.

  5. i have lied about my whole life since i was little. first it was to not be noticed. At fisrt i think is was because my parents were going through some stuff and I was going to a new school every other year so it started so I could fit in to the environment I was put in. So i went to really rich schools and then cared so much about money and my appearance and would lie that my family was more well off than we were. Then I was put into a poor school and everyone seemed to have a bad life and I wanted a friend so bad I made it seem like my situation was horrible. At first it was hard to lie but the it became almost instant. Then when i was in 5th grade I didn't want people to know how not okay I was. I had contemplated suicide but on the out side I was the happiest kid. I finally had a point where I was fixated on dying and realized how bad it was and got help. The therapy in my life wasnt helpful some just wanted to throw pills at me others would gain my trust and break it so lying started to become constant again. i did seek help but i just could trust people. So life when on I started lying about who i was to get a cute boy or to pass a class. jI found a job where lying was appreciated which is retail.I became so consumed in my lies at this point i actually believed my own lies. The hardest part was I was in a car accident and had memory issues after so the lies I told myself almost became my reality. Now I want to stop. It has never effected a job or friendships but it is effecting my relationship. I don't know the truth about everything and I don't remember when I lie but we were so close to breaking up because i was getting out of hand with it and his whole thing is trust and I broke his trust. Now changing the fact that I lie is all I want. It is almost like a weird addiction and research is all I have. I don't have money for a therapist but I don't want to break this mans heart anymore. It is the worst quality I have I am trying to break it but it comes so naturally and I guess I need help.
    I want to share my story because I hope that people don't let it get to the point where you can't tell the difference where it is just easy and it is hurting people you love.

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